How Men Become Incels 

Full video: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-sHQ-rEcPQSs.html

When people take your love and kindness for granted, the issue isn’t your love and kindness, it’s the fact it was taken for granted. There’s no shame in loving and losing, there’s no need to be embarrassed that you loved someone who didn’t love you back. The love you felt is beautiful, it’s not a waste, love cannot be wasted. It took me a while to learn that.

Kinda what happened to me but instead of demonizing, I think I subconsciously grew an irrational fear and now my anxiety surrounding dating is out of control

In love, "I take calculated risks, but oh man, am I bad at math".

“You know what they say, love is blind.” -Tommy Wiseau

Love hurts, sometimes hurts good too

A lot of red pill guys are not really coming from a place of trauma. Some of them are just resentful because of their social standing (ie. could never get girls). Some of them are just heavily influenced by online trends and communities. I’ve never been popular with women but I can’t hate them. I love women. My mom, sisters, aunts raised me with love. If you open up and disregard the bad ones, you will eventually meet some incredibly kind and warm women that you can keep in your life. Don’t live with hate in your heart.

Good women do exist! Bad ones do too. It's not about their gender, it's about their heart. Same goes for men

I always found this pipeline so fascinating - its understandable to change after being hurt. As a woman, when I was cheated on and treated poorly, I found myself having more anxiety and distrust towards men in general. Now I don't have it as much and am in a healthy relationship, but it took a few years of being single to figure it out. Sending love to everyone xoxo thank u Dr. K 💓

#1 rule of living on this planet: your experiences do not define the world. Too many people are so eager to say "all women" when in reality, it was only the women who hurt them. But rather than heal, they project their pain onto others and are somehow surprised when it comes to bite them back.

incels=involuntary celibate=can't have sex wants to. People have warped the definition so much most people don't even know what it originally meant. Majority of incels have never been in a relationship. The cause of it is raised standards, incels have always existed it just has gotten worse overtime for that reason

Just because a relationship ends doesn’t mean it wasn’t ever real love at one point in time. People need to learn how to grieve the loss of a personal relationship in the same way they grieve the loss of the death of a loved one. I read where a therapist would ask her clients who were grieving due to a recent loss of a love one, “If you could go back in time and love the person less, so you would not hurt as much now, would you?” None of her clients would ever agree to do so even if they could. Grief is the price we pay for love, either through death or a break up.

Props to the thumbnail artist. Every dang time.

Don't forget the part where they ask other people for help or guidance and get blamed for things going wrong, or are told they're sexist and deserved it. They hate rarely starts spontaneously.

I always saw why it was the easiest path, psychologically. Although it made no logical sense. But yeah, every time someone asks me how I managed to be so "healthy" or at least well founded in my ideals, it's the opposite. You have to actively work against demonising and abandoning the parts of you that are kind and empathetic

I've been hurt and rejected so much I personally believe I'm the problem. That I am fundamentally defective, and that is why no one has ever loved me.

I dont hate or reject that part of myself. Its become so valuable to me that no woman on earth deserves it.

Not everything that is good has to lasts forever. If you and another person actually loved eachother for a time, that is not wasted.

‘Incel’ is different from ‘MGTOW’, which is what he’s describing. A MGTOW is OVER getting taken advantage of, while an incel didn’t know how to get a girlfriend in the first place, for whatever reason. I’m certain I’d be a MGTOW if my marriage were to end and I could pay my own bills on my own. Does that mean I ‘hate’ women? ‘Hate’ sex? No.

Never do something for somebody with an expectation. If you are paying someone’s rent expecting them to become into you for that, you are doing too much and also for the wrong reasons. Do things for someone because you want to do that for them, not because you want something out of it. Do things you won't regret doing if you don't get a desired outcome. Stop and _think_ before doing a grand gesture or expenditure. Love yourself first, and if that's too hard for you, be logical.

slight disagreement at the end, i would change demonize to suppress and hate to ignore. also, i think a lot of young men haven't had the opportunity to be cheated on since getting into relationships nowadays is the actual challenge rather than sustaining them for a reasonable quantity of time. thus, men take the red pill because they feel their efforts in their pursuits are not rewarded.

Love hurts, that hurt makes me feel alive, it's amazing... I loved a girl and probably she hates me, I cry but it feels alive... I tried to hate her hugely but couldn't hate her, I couldn't just stop loving her more... I could only love her and nothing more😢😢😢❤❤

If someone treats you poorly, that's on them. Don't let them change who you are ❤

"compassion then... It grows strong and fierce in you, like a cancer" "I hope so" "It will kill you in the end" "I wouldn't die of anything else" Don't turn off compassion. Some people will exploit it, some might succeed. Protect yourself, but keep compassion. You can do both EDIT: quotations from series 9 doctor who

This guy is genuinely smart, but this is one of multiple of his posts I genuinely disagree with. Although I agree that people experience "depression" and a "loss of self worth" to the extent they feel they don't deserve love, the idea that they "hated" the part of them that loved is just flat out wrong. They mourn BECAUSE the part of them that made life worth living, that loving caring part, was so brutality scarred and torn. It's the fear of getting so calloused, it becomes IMPOSSIBLE to ever love.

Incel just means you want sex but can't get it. Pretty common these days when online dating requires model looks and people have very few avenues to meet people irl, outside of high school and college.

There's a fine line between showing kindness and not expecting anything in return and having your kindness taken for granted. Problem is we don't even know a line exists

Nah, I used to be an incel and I was never betrayed by a woman, and I met plenty of guys in the same situation back then. I hate to admit it, but some people are just human trash at certain points of their lives. The whole thing about it being a natural reaction to betrayal is way too optimistic. It gets to a point where a drastic mental glow-up is the only thing that can get an incel back on the right path.

When the light is gone, and your spirit spent, why would you try again? Every contingency has failed, the warning signs appear much too late The idea of unwittingly being torn apart, is too much to handle Just hide and wait, for a savior that will never come Even if I was a cat, I'd be all out of lives to spend

My questions is "when can they get out of it?" Because Istg my brothers are HELLA annoying with their hatred towards women rn when they used to be the sweetest brothers I could've ever asked for. I just want them back 😭

To me, it was enough to see plenty of people around me having bad relationships, and me wanting to avoid that. Combine this with my insecurities, and not wanting to be a burden, I took that pill and avoided dating overall. I know what will happen to me, it happened to all the people around me.

I see it more as "fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me"

Hearing a licensed medical professional talk about men “taking the red pill” will never cease to be funny

I "simp" because I like seeing the other person happy, sometimes I don't even have romantic feelings. If I do get romantic feelings, I don't act much different. Anytime a dating ended badly or I was outright wronged, I never blamed love, I blamed the wrongdoings and all the negative bs that allows them to happen. Thus, I never hated simps or stopped being the way I am, I'm simply more careful in who I pick to be affectionate towards. I don't think the problem is being wronged, it's not knowing how to deal with it, demmand reciprocity (it should happen, doesn't mean it will, if it doesn't, you leave on the first signs the other person doesn't care about you at all and it ends there) and blaming the wrong things (like blaming love and not perversity, for example). If "simp" means putting the other as a higher priority than yourself and/or thinking you are "buying" a relationship by being a "nice guy", then yeah, don't be a simp, that both doesn't work and isn't healthy

The lack of self reflection and owning your choices is astounding in the red pill community.

Three years. Yeah. I'm definitely not an incel but I can very much understand how it happens to people.

But that’s just life. It happens to everybody. You get over it, and yourself, and move forward. What doesn’t kill you…

Pain is the price we pay for love

This humanizes and degenderizes the perspective so beautifully and simply. Thank you, Dr. K.

It’s not just incels dude. I was a gigolo. Really. No joke. And I am absolutely demoralized. The hate and disgust doesn’t come from “how could I have done this to myself?” After a while. Eventually it becomes “why is it so easy for me to do this to you?” On both ends of the spectrum, everyone can agree women are either utterly inscrutable, or what amounts to an input/output machine. The problem is, most men who’ve been around the block know what all the right inputs are. They’re just too good to use them anymore. I own a fake wedding ring, dude. The reason I own it is because it definitely improved my chances at the bar. And that only happens about once every 8 months when im so blue balled i need a human being. Then rinse and repeat. The whole song and dance stopped being worth it forever ago.

Umm men need to stop choosing lousy women as partners then complain you wanted a 10 right, did you start off as friends to see where her head was at, or at least find out from folks she knows what type of person she was before investing? No you get your heart broken one time because you decided you wanted a bad B until it doesn’t work out and now you want a more simple lady that’s more humble, and then give her the poor treatment because of you choosing poorly in the past, females choose poorly all the time, not just men, but they don’t get their heartbroken once, and then all of a sudden paint an entire gender as bad, and then become every man’s worst nightmare moving forward. So just stop bringing your past with you into the future just because you were hurt in the past doesn’t mean your future partners are going to do the same thing.

Okay but like most if not all incels never even had a GF to begin with

I get the logic but that not always true. I’ve been in one long term relationship with a girl I’ve known since young (still going) and never simped but I still think simps are stupid and more than anything else sad. But the definition of simp (when the term was peak popularity) expanded wayyy too far. If you got a girl and you’re doing nice things for her that’s not simping that’s being a good partner. But the people who I feel sorry for and are simps are those who donate to female streamers in hopes that they’ll read their names out or those who pay for OF.

African Proverb, "The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth."

Be intentional when loving and helping people. Don’t let your love for them overpower your logic.

First insight from this channel I've ever disagreed with. As an incel, I'd say there's many, many factors that lead to being one, the majority of which are either societal or intrapersonal. Honestly, as counterintuitive as it is, I feel like interpersonal factors account for a minority of incels, on account of there being fish in the sea, etc. I feel like the advice is solid, I just don't know that it applies to incels specifically.

Me as woman who follow the same attitude…I feel disgusted and very ashamed from the slightest emotions and I honestly have a fight or flight response regarding attraction to men..as if it is a disaster has happened…as if my safety and survival are threatened by any feelings I might have…so I suppress disown that part

People who act entitled are very unappealing.

A relationship is about giving your love, and opening up the possibility of being hurt. Only then will you let your guard down, which is the point. It hurts when someone breaks that trust, but it's about hoping they don't. When you do find someone who doesn't break the trust, that's when you're going to be rewarded for letting your guard down; but it has to be done. Also, it helps communicating and being rational when making decisions and talking. If they insist on something you don't want, then maybe they're not the person for you, despite you loving them. Finding the right person is often times about the logistics of "How many kids do you want? Do you want me to be invested in my passions or work? How big a house do you want? So you want a dog, or a cat? Country side or city life" etc etc. If they don't want your ideal life, then they're going to hinder you achieving your goals.

By all means I should be an incel. People have done some pretty shitty stuff to me, but I still want to love and feel. I just can't bring myself to be like that. I wonder why its easy for me, but harder for others. Its interesting

i just don't think anyone is entitled to being with anyone. people are just obsessed - "of course, you'll find someone" and it's like...WHY?? it's nice to find someone but we should be focusing on making our lives the best and most connected they can be to ourselves and others. the chance of finding a soulmate is so slim yall just focus on your own goddamn lives and stop wasting energy on possibilities 😭😭 if it happens it happens you're lucky, if it don't it don't. stop centering your lives around this shit...

I wouldn’t subscribe to the believe that everyone that has taken the red pill was hurt by a woman and became an incel. In fact many men just aren’t capable of developing meaningful relationship with a woman so that’s why they resent to hold a grudge against them. As much as I want to understand and have sympathy with them, in reality the problem often stems from a refusal to change oneself on behalf of the guy. I say this because I too once was such a specimen of men until I had a change of mind and heart. Working on oneself is most important in such cases.

I slowly started to fall into the red pill movement after my ex broke up with me. Thankfully I started asking what I can do to better myself. I fell off that bandwagon quickly and now I see red pill can be just as damaging as feminism. I'm glad I can love again

Precisely. I spent a decade, hating the opposite sex and exacting revenge for exactly that reason. Sadly, I think it’s a natural self hardening to keep One safe from the same harm occurring again

Life is a journey . We all need a guide or teacher. Being a simp is basically being ignorant. Once you understand women you will be more nuanced in your relationships . The red pill gives you balance

This is where communication and knowing how to build boundaries come in handy

Then their beliefs are only made worse when they treat a woman terribly and she bites back to get him away. The mindset of "woe is me, women are awful" makes for aggressors that can't be reasoned with. It's a vicious cycle of negative introduction, defensive backlash.

I knew a guy in college who came in to swim in the pool I was lifeguarding at. He was a Math PhD student, and he’d just come in to kinda walk laps using floaties for the deep end. Pseudoswimming. But just a pretty cool guy in general. Anyway, towards the end of my time there, guy told me he was also getting a bachelor’s degree in psychology _for_ his then girlfriend. Not _with_ , as in helping her with assignments, _for_ . He did every class online and submitted assignments in her name while she lived with him and essentially mooched off of him. Right after “she graduates,” she packs up and leaves him without a second thought. He was almost scarily nonchalant about it. You’d be justified in freaking out in a situation like that, but he expressed zero frustration outwardly. But that kind of thing makes you stop and think. True story.

Another way you can not become an incel or a simp is to have boundaries & being able to walk away. That seems to be a common thing that I see in a lot of men. Not having boundaries with women & not walking away when they clearly need to.

I’m not an incel or red pill by any means but I can relate to relationship trauma. I get why it breaks people, it broke me, but you can’t turn it into hatred for all women it’s illogical and it brings nothing good to anyone. If you keep running into shitty people in your life and get backstabbed and cheated on etc. etc. maybe that says something about your character. Maybe there is a reason the people you associate with aren’t good people. You have to look inward whether or not you use the help of a counselor to do so. If you aren’t willing to change nothing in your life is going to change. At least it won’t change in the way you want it to

This doesn't just apply to men, I found out a while ago... and it doesn't even just apply to romantic/intimate relationships, either. I went down a dark path... I found that I indeed have a monster within me. It's been a startling period of self-realization these past few months.

Red Pill. You keep using that term. I do not think that term means what you think it means

A friend I knew for 10 years cheated on my gf for a long time and they both kept silent. This leaves a deep mark but it also gave me insight to be less naive, even with those you trust among you

Just because someone has had sex or girlfriends before doesnt mean they cant become an an incel. you can become celibate at any time but i will agree that an insane % of incels are indeed virgins or have never had girlfriends before.

“Simp hater” sounds like something a simp would say to make it sound better. 😂

This was me but she wasted seven years of my life which was painful to say the least.

Its guys who have been daggered one too many times. Sometimes it goes beyond rejection, where you've lost a job or a ton of money or time, and then she ditched you.

I found the red pill on Reddit in maybe 2014 or so, right after bbeing dumped by the love of my life. And how that subreddit worked is they had a long list of things you were supposed to read before you contributed to any of the discussion. So I read all that and a lot of it was super interesting and I’m glad I read it. But the discussion on there and the people engaging in them just felt so wrong and toxic. It was literally story after story of guys illustrating how shitty women are. It’s interesting to see how widespread and well know it’s become in the last decade.

Love is good. Loving is good, and is a part of experience in life. When you love someone, you must accept that this may not be a forever/long-term solution, and you may need to move on, in one way or another at some point. You two may realize that you don't quite fit, but it could take some time to figure that out. Usually one person figures it out before the other. Sometimes you lose a person to some external factors, like a move or a death. My girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me after cheating on me, right after I moved out of our living situation. Things have been rough for the past year, and I wasn't sure if we could fix our problems, but I was willing to try. Living separately was proposed as a solution. I got my cat ripped away from me, and I'm completely on my own. I'm happy we loved each other, and it was real. It just wasn't meant to be forever. You have to be happy it happened, and be happy to move on and broaden your horizons. It's the only way to really move on.

People need to realize If you fall in love and someone rejects you or cheats on you, the fault does NOT lie in the action of falling in love. You were RIGHT to love. It was GOOD that you felt that way about someone. Love and women are not the problem. It was that one single person. And also, at the end of the day, people don’t owe you anything, and you are only able to control your own actions, not other people. Continue forward in your life STILL trusting that people will not betray you. You can’t enter into new relationships expecting them to fail.

Also applies to: Journey of Autistic fawning as a trauma response, leading to more trauma from choosing the worst people, leading to self-hate that leads to just hating everything and lashing out.

The ironic thing is that one will always cherish the pain that is left behind after separation if only because the pain is often everlasting yet still connects one to the other until the end of time.

After being betrayed, exploited, abused, & taken advantage of, the only solution to prevent self deletion is apathy. The longer you’re abandoned, abused, & neglected the easier apathy prevails as your emotional circuitry is overloaded from anger, anxiety, & hyper vigilance, & as a result you develop detachment disorder, & deep emotional connections become next to impossible to achieve. Let alone maintain.

You can't win lol You never had a girlfriend - haha, you're an incel! You had no gf! You had a girlfriend (or multiple girlfriends over the years)? - haha, you're an incel, because you must've been hurt by them if you don't have a girlfriend now!

Thanks for putting into words what I always suspected about them. That they're not there to help you be a better person, but rather to take advantage of your vulnerability for clout. If being taken advantage is the issue, then that's no less being taken advantage of than being taken advantage of by a woman.

I have never fallen in love never had a gf(due to my depression) but the reason i hate simps are beacuse they would actually attack an innocent person only because thier "queen" fake cried on stream for them.

Love to see stuff like this, guys behind the bench deserve more accolades than they get. Dr. Chow is a legend in the community. Agree with both of your first choices, Andy should get the ring of honour over jersey retirement for sure

When did the "taking the Red Pill" start having anything to do with simps/women? Is that what Morpheus was really talking about? I'm new here.

Yes - it happens for everybody… men and women who were burned by a narcissistic person and never fully recovered from that experience. It makes sense the easy way out is to blame all of X for your bad experience. And then that mentality becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You just don't date. End of story.

"Love ain't safe, u won't get hurt if you stay chaste , you can wait, I don't want to waste, my love" (Gotye).

“You shouldn’t expect anything in return” 40% of women admit to going on regular foodie dates.

lots of people have never been in love

Even though I've gotten my heart broken several times, I'll never cling on the red pill or take it, that's Hella toxic imo

Not "red pill" it's just going from one extreme of narcissism to the other. Its part of a cycle, ...1.) getting too liberal and at a lack of rules and structure, 2.) realizing our life is in disorder, 3.) Believing extreme rules will fix our disfunction. 4.) Extreme rules feel stifling to joy. 5.) Another rebellious phase and falling slowly back to a liberal life. It's a very human cycle but the healthy way to live is to be somewhere in the middle. Be forgiving, to yourself and others. Simply take things as lessons instead of blaming others. Don't be judgemental instead, try to put yourself in their shoes.

taking the red pill is about getting your self respect back and being able to make educated decisions, thats all its ever been about

the most weird thing is that one moment the person next to you is your other half, has 100000% of your trust, you can talk to them about anything and everything, you can touch them feel them etc. Then you can say or they can say "i m sorry i think i dont want to be with you anymore" and jsut like that.. poof. they are a stranger. how fucked up that is.

"Love is measured by the pain that ensues."

I think the red pill is more about accepting that the sensation of love is merely a neurochemical reaction that goes off in one's brain, and it can skew one's perception of reality. Trying to stay grounded in what's as objective as possible and acting in one's self-interest is the primary core of TRP.

Forgive them and most importantly forgive yourself. That saved me from the depths of hell. Sorry, I like JBP. I was plotting to hurt those who wronged me, or got really bad. I had to forgive them and the thing that took me the longest was forgiving myself for everything that went wrong that I was responsible for. And finding out (through months of questioning myself) what I was responsible for hurt like hell to admit to myself. But I was able to stop hating them and myself. And it took around 2 years to get back to 0. To then start from scratch on life in my mid 30s. Holy shit that was horrible, but not as horrible as where I was. Then I started rebuilding. It’s been years since then. I have a wife and kids, a house, and a job I don’t absolutely hate. Things could be far worse. I’m glad I didn’t do anything stupid. Life is weird. When I couldn’t help myself, I started by helping others. That went a long way until I could find my footing. Keep waking up, doors will open, take the chance and go through them. You will fail and that’s ok. Learn from it and continue forward. You have things to do. Might as well live long enough to find out what those things are.

What is an incel tho? Ive been called an incel for being upset after finding out i was cheated on when i thought that was a normal and acceptable reaction to that. Then i was told an incel is just a guy who cant get laid, which i was more accepting of and had no issue being called one for that reasoning, it is what it is we cant all be winners. Also men expressing that they feel alone is considered incel behavior, its very confusing

This is how you lose your true self with time. You begin to hate, demonize and cut off parts of your personality. Your traits. And replace those with something simple as dark emotions. Because it's easier than staying true to your character through all the hardships

Red Pill has nothing to do with simps, or relationships

"your experiences do not define the world. Too many people are so eager to say "all women" when in reality, it was only the women who hurt them." Doesn't matter what the world is like. What matters is the individual experience. If all women hurt them, then all women did. The outside world is irrelevant to someone's personal life.

This has nothing to do with incels

if you feel entitled to get something in return for "loving" someone, you don't truly love them, you were in it for a transaction. if you feel taken advantaged of, that's because you didn't really want to give just for the sake of giving (loving), that's because you realized the person you were giving to wasn't what you imagined to be, that's because the "Terms" weren't what you expected, not because of your action of giving. it's not a surprise that one who does not love also doesn't receiving love.

"Some of them are just resentful because of their social standing (ie. could never get girls)." That's literally their trauma. In my personal life the only women that's been kind to me is my grandma. Every other girl in my life has used, abused, and hurt me. A society that's done nothing me torture and dehumanize me since the day I was born. I have never had a single happy memory since birth. I will live with hate in my heart, since I don't owe this society or any women any kindness or love when I'm constantly told "they don't owe me anything".

It's simpler than that. It's men comparing notes and all having the same story. Then its a matter of a cost benefit analysis using a mental scale, and coming to a logical conclusion.

There's also just the fact that the dating climate is increasingly toxic and there's little to no sense in trying to get close with anyone romantically unless you're in the top strata of men right now. Like more than half the dudes in my age range (I'm 26) aren't dating AT ALL right now, and just working on ourselves and living our lives, because society has been telling women to treat us like disposable, exploitable resources for the last several years, and that is overwhelmingly what they'll do to us if you give them the chance. I've tentatively dated a bit in the last couple years, but I've sworn it off at this point, because women mostly just view men as ATMs and sex toys. I have NEVER been in a relationship where I wasn't taken advantage of, hurt, or exploited. I still don't subscribe to red-pill ideology, but it's not like looking at the world objectively in this day and age, they're TOO far off base. They're basically just wrong in demonizing ALL women, because there is a small minority of women who won't treat you like shit out there...but it's REALLY not worth sifting through all the shit to try and find them. That's why the only sane thing to do right now is work on yourself, get more secure, happy, and desirable, and figure out a life partner WAY later.

Don't waste time on hate and anger. Learn to love yourself enough to not lose yourself over someone else's behavior. I did this 45 years ago and have been with my wife 43 years. Take charge of your life and dare to be happy and not angry. Don't let people tell you who you should be and how you should live.