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How 'Micro-Trusts' Can Help Re-establish Trust after Infidelity

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Samuel shares a tool that helped change his own recovery with Samantha.
- FREE Bootcamp for Surviving Infidelity: www.affairreco...
- What kind of affair was it?
Take the FREE Affair Analyzer: www.affairreco...
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“The Recovery Library gave me 24/7 support because I could be up at 3am and search for the topic I was struggling with. It also helped as a couple because we could investigate topics together so it wasn’t subjective. I trusted this information because it was from professionals who also had lived through and recovered from infidelity. Double credibility in my book.”
- Amanda, Florida
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Samuel is an infidelity survivor and is one of many contributors to Affair Recovery's Survivors’ Blog, www.affairreco.... He participated in Affair Recovery's courses developed by founder and infidelity expert Rick Reynolds, LCSW. After finding healing, hope, and new life, Samuel wishes to share his journey and what AffairRecovery.com has to offer with others so they too can find hope and healing.

Опубликовано:

27 авг 2024

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Комментарии : 35

@paulrussell9976 5 лет назад

Samuel, 4 months out from D-day and my unfaithful wife tells me repeatedly that she will do what ever it takes but every time we try to talk about the affair she just jumps right back into the defensiveness and blaming etc.. This is extremely hurtful and frustrating. Your videos are extremely helpful and I’m hoping she can hear you better than she hears me.

@samshealingpodcast 5 лет назад

thanks so much paul. here are some resources to help explain why she's doing what she's doing and why she is reacting the way she is. i know this won't make everything better, but maybe it will explain her behavior more and help you see what is going on in her mind and heart: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/infidelity-recovery-understanding-the-paralysis-of-shame this is a series on the unfaithful and their mindset and justifications and blame: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/why-we-commit-betrayal-with-infidelity www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/thought-processes-that-lead-to-affair-and-betrayal-how-could-you-part-two www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/moral-justifications-unfaithful-spouse-uses-to-have-affair www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/infidelity-doublespeak-and-distorted-comparisons www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/betrayal-the-secrecy-factor www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/affair-dehumanization-and-blame

@hyrumwheeler8437 5 лет назад

Paul Russell I have the same problem with my unfaithful spouse. She says she is willing to do whatever it takes but when I need to talk about things she downplays the affair, and minimizes it. She will begin defending things about why she did it. It is incredibly frustrating and always feel like we are ground zero all the time.

@hawktchr8 5 лет назад

There’s a video on this site for that!

@shapebyshana324 Год назад

Any luck ?

@laniec.f.2531 5 лет назад

I'm 2 years out from that dreadful time, and things are improving, but you hit the nail square on the head with this one. Great information. After all, the basis for most things in life worth having is based on trust. Thank you to you and Samantha again for all of your work. You've been an extremely helpful resource (main resource, really) for me on many occasions.

@samshealingpodcast 5 лет назад

i'm so glad i could help and be a friend. thanks so much for the encouragement.

@debicrouch 4 года назад

My UH does well until I’m triggered and retreat. He says he understands the trauma but when the trauma causes me to flee, he falls apart. He stops doing the things I need for safety. So it’s a cycle. He does something that makes me feel unsafe and the. We I respond like a broken woman, he stops doing other things that help me feel safe. Killing me.

@georgiaevans9978 5 лет назад

Thank you for this. I have been trying to explain this, and so much of what you talk about in your videos to my partner for two and a half years. I am breaking, but he seems to be ambivalent and in denial even though he disagrees when I say this. We have a difficult life with both of us chronically ill but young enough to make things better. I am losing hope that this will happen. I have been with him since i was 23, and I'm 29 this year. I found out 2 and a half years ago to but he'd betrayed me for at least two years before that. Half of me wants to leave. Half of me doesn't know how to, and still wants and needs to make sense of this. Sorry to go on so much. I don't know what to do. I am hoping sharing some of these videos with him will make him see I'm not making this up, and all of the recovery and ideas and effort have come from me, and they all make sense now after hearing you say the same things. I hope we can get some counselling help soon.

@MissLettyLove 3 года назад

For any married couples out here.. how did you learn to trust your spouse again? What helped you both out? I feel crazy all the time how it’s been about 8 months since I found out the big lie (on top of other forms he broke my trust) and I feel like I’m going crazy, like I can’t move on and I’m always so terrified of being hurt again 💔 I’m trying out therapy for myself, but I would also love to hear others stories :(

@simosom1 5 лет назад

Thank you Samantha and Samuel. Your work and experience are just such a source of inspiration for me. For what regards relationship safety lately I am thinking that it is like the safety measures you can have in your house. If you have a motion sensor in the house to protect your property it will make a big noise if anyone trespass the perimeter . If you want good security you have to arm your alarm every night or every time you are away.You cannot say : tonight I am not going to arm the alarm , It's going to be ok . No , you have to have it on all the time , otherwise it makes no sense. Furthermore you will have a safe in the house to keep your valuable things inside .Even if a thief comes thru the perimeter the jewels are in the safe and cannot be accessed or it will be very difficult. For me the alarm system are the boundaries put in place by the couple that makes the house/couple secure and the safe is the recovery work done by the addict. Even if boundaries are trespassed by accident , mistake or circumstances the valuable things cannot be accessed because they are in the safe. I hope it makes sense . For me I need to have them both on all the time to feel secure and trusting. If he doesn't want to have both systems in place (alarm and safe i.e. boundaries and recovery work) he is inviting someone to come and steal or he is hoping someone will come.

@AL_FARID_23 5 лет назад

Simona Zotti essatamente!!!

@milomazli 5 лет назад

An AMAZING insight! Samuel, you keep being BRILLIANT seeing into the depth and anatomy of this subject. I am sure you are surrounded with a team of inspiring individuals (and we are grateful to them too), but you, YOU keep amazing me. Thank you so much for doing what you do! Its truly a great service to us....

@samshealingpodcast 5 лет назад

you're incredibly kind. yes, it's a team my friend. not brilliant....just doing the best i can my friend and it means a ton you'd encourage me like that. thank you for saying that and watching.

@rs-xr3ty 6 месяцев назад

I’m willing to anything but she insists on divorce so the only thing I can do to help her feel safe is let her go because as I attempt to encourage her to stay, the pressure makes her feel unsafe.

@sexycatlady17 5 лет назад

Great video! Everything you said is perfect, so true. It makes sense! Thank you!

@samshealingpodcast 5 лет назад

my pleasure. thanks for always being so kind and encouraging in your comments.

@diamondd2778 Год назад

Great episode! Subscribed!

@samshealingpodcast Год назад

thank you so much.

@getcholife7053 5 лет назад

Spot on.

@CurlyGirlQ 2 года назад

Thank you for this video.♥️

@blackgoldeventsltd.427 4 года назад

Is trust absolutely necessary for a successful marriage? Can't two people manage without trust?

@samshealingpodcast 4 года назад

well i'll put it to you this way....honest is what builds intimacy and intimacy is what builds trust....so if there is no trust there is probably no intimacy or honesty which is problematic. this article will help: www.affairrecovery.com/shocking-truth-about-trust

@mutedearthvirgo 3 года назад

This was great

@maericachiepi884 5 лет назад

How do you properly own what you did? Like what do you tell your betrayed partner for example?

@samshealingpodcast 5 лет назад

the truth, full disclosure and by getting help to help repair the damage. owning it is owning the consequences of it as well and being willing to do whatever it takes to help your betrayed partner heal.

@maericachiepi884 5 лет назад

@@samshealingpodcast thank you

@MariaCruz-gb1dp 3 года назад

A fter 25 years of being together he should’ve been honest with it like I thought we were not a punk with an older woman with 6 baby daddies she just don’t understand it I’m hurt

@cryan1287 5 лет назад

I am trying to establish these microtrusts by taking a proactive approach to telling my spouse things I could foresee him asking about, printing out call and text logs (he said he doesn't want access to my passwords because he feels like it will make him crazy) but I but wanted to show him I'm not hiding anything..he does check my messages etc which is zero issue for me, however what if I notice he is deleting messages on his device To friends (same sex) I don't know what's said but I'll know the time stamp isn't accurate because I'll know the person had messaged a few days ago but the time stamp says over a month which makes me question why they would delete if there is nothing to hide... I know I created this doubt as the unfaithful and I want to ask my spouse about it but feel like it may cause conflict. What would you recommend?

@cryan1287 5 лет назад

I should add he is still ambivalent and unsure if he wants the marriage.

@samshealingpodcast 5 лет назад

he may be having conversations with friends (men and women) about whether or not he is staying or going in the relationship....this does happen often. he may be struggling to not have an affair of his own in his own anger and hurt. i would find an expert therapist and ask him to go with you.....i would also consider doing an online course like our ems online to help you both stay connected through the process, even though he's unsure about the marriage. you can find ours here: www.affairrecovery.com/product/ems-online you can still get help and 'see' if the marriage can be saved while not committing to the future.

@cryan1287 5 лет назад

@@samshealingpodcast we do see a couples cousellor and we actually seen him last night. I confront him about it and he lied. I told him that's exactly what I thought why the conversations were deleted and he has not hidden the fact he probably won't stay. I'm mad he lied and made me seem like I was making things up. I have mentioned your course to him he doesn't want to spend the money when the future is uncertain. Our couples therapist I don't think is capable of handling us because he continually asks as you sure you want to keep coming..

@robinpiccard886 5 лет назад

My spouse disclosed being unfaithful then retracted. He gets furious if I bring this up. He had tears in his eyes when confronted and denies this. Where do I go from here