If he's off with you, he's on with some other girl. If he leaves, give him exactly what he wants--your absence. Delete his number, and don't take him back. These guys get away with treating us all so badly because they know they can do just about anything, and we'll take them back.
This is true, from my experience. he pointed out my flaws in our relationship reason he wanted space but in reality he just wanted to date his new friend. Most of the time men stick to a relationship even how many times you fight. But if there’s other girl on the picture its so easy for him to get rid of you.
21 days is to long. I usually give the guy 3 to four days, and if I don't hear from him, it's over in my book. I keep my life, and they are always an option, not a priority.
Miss V. Totally agree with this. I also give the guy 3 to 4 days. If they're interested, you're definitely hear within a day or two. If you hear from them after two weeks, they're usually the ones that are not looking for anything serious anyway. The only reason they reach out to you after 2 weeks it's because you are their last option. This has been true from my experience.
a guy literally pulled away for 21 days for me...i left him alone for all 21 days, had a few close calls of reaching out to ask if I did something wrong lol, but i held out...and he came back. I didn't feel the same anymore, but he still came back
If you need to increase your value, then he didn't appreciate you in the beginning so I think it won't change anything, or he likes you or not, you can't change that.
if we cant change that so what is this video for ? i think your relationship with anyone can change all the time it only depends on how much you give or take .. if you think you cant increase ur value then you would be wrong and weak at the same time .. and its not about the other person its about how you feel about ur self . like i value my self & i want others to see it and feel it too ..
I agree too about the 21 days. I remember my ex doing it to me one time he stopped texted for three weeks then came back n I told him dude we r done since the first week u ignored me.that was two years ago so happy I got rid of him
The 21 day rule is you have no contact with the person who ignored you or ghosted you. Adam didn't say you just stop texting or calling someone you liked. He said only if they ghost you or just stop reaching out to you first. Then and only then should you apply the 21day rule. I think it's a great idea. I'm using it right now and I'm almost over the guy I was talking too. I have almost no momery of him what so ever. I have been busy leaving my best life once I deleted his number from my phone and kept myself busy. 😁😁😁😁
if 2 people really love eachother should "being too much available" even be a problem? I mean if he likes you truthfully, and you too feel the same way, why can "giving too much availability to our bf/gf" become a treat? Is it really inevitable, i mean should be really always pay attention to not lower our value? Is is always present in every relationship, as honest and pure as it can be?
Cool video. I've come to understand that I, as a woman, am sort of a pursuer. I have made first moves, a few times and I've asked guys out. Idk what my deal is. I get confused bc I constantly hear that men like to pursue and to not chase them. So, I had to find some balance between that, and what I do. I didn't know what "chasing" constituted of. I naturally thought, "I'm a woman and I'm going after this guy...I must be chasing. Maybe I'm turning him off." Come to find out that to most people, chasing means constant contact and borderline pestering. I don't do that, that's excessive. I like your 4 day rule. The "visual stage" makes perfect sense. I think "out of sight, out of mind" does apply to many, many men. Plus, there are sooooo many women out there to help him forget about you. You need to make sure he sees you, and you make that impression. Whether it works out or not, that's just...how the Cookie is gonna crumble. Anywho, obviously I'm into someone right now and I'm trying to build attraction. Hopefully it works out. I'll take your advice.
I waited a little over a month for my guy to ask me out he never did. Yet one morning i see a female standing next to him play elbowing him, mind you that he comes out of the building we work at just to greet me at the coffee truck. I could see the tension on him he didn't even turn to say good morning to me. This is a man who has spoken and inquired about me and shared with coworkers how he feels about me. So now I just come in a little early to avoid him and any unforeseen problems that might surface. oh yes we work in the same building on separate floors not like we can hide no he does not look for me at my cubical.
THIS is the video on this subject that I needed to hear... Elliot is the best out of all the dating coaches. A lot of great vidoes with similar subjects that serve their own purposes but this one had the info I was looking for. Thank you
But Elliot , he should come to me, after that whole pull away thing , i figure if he doesn't reach out then that's it , its over if he does that aite we can start again
Awesome video! I'm in the dating process now, and it makes me so anxious when the guy doesn't reach out and make plans with me. I'm in the situation where I just had a great first date, we both said we had a great time, flirted a bit via text after the date, I ended the conversation and then nada on his part. I just feel like the guy should be the pursuer and make dates with me otherwise it doesn't make me feel feminine. It actually starts to make me feel weird and like wtf dude? i just think if the guy doesn't reach out then he's not that interested. True or false?
I'd say most likely he's not interested, unless there's a good chance he thinks you're not interested. but if he knows you are and isn't reaching out, then I'd say he's not.
See, that's the thing! even though we flirted, had great conversations he does seem a little bit more on the reserved side. He did also mention casually that he can never tell if a girl is flirting/interested in him or just being friendly ... which I think he was discreetly aiming that at me without trying to make it obvious, but I swear us girls can that 6th sense where we just know lol. But regardless, I still don't like making excuses for the guy because at the end of the day if he really wanted to he would reach out ....?
And isn't it said that man physiologically like the "chase" and being the "hunters" where as women like being the "prey" to be caught. I know I'm more than able to make the moves and assert myself, but in relationships I believe in feminine/masculine roles...
+Kayla can you give him little flirtatious dares? like plant something in a conversation, then taunt him with it. like say he'd have to take you somewhere or at least call to find out. challenge him somehow to take action.
THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! REALLY HELPED ME OUT!!!!! I don´t know if it is me, but lately every guy i ask out they either say they can´t and i don´t get a second offer or they avoid the subject. Maybe is the way i am asking? o.O
what about on long distance relationships?......on texting and calling? sometimes is difficult for me and boy friend ...specially when he is traveling for business diferent states ...and sometimes out of country ....so timezones?....
I love your videos, the advice is so accurate to men and dating today and it's helped me feel more peaceful, powerful and enjoy the dating process more! Thank you!!
Jeeez I love your videos and I love watching you. You sound so goofy and easy going and like you get it onboth ends, the female side and what they want and the guys and what they want and how they think. I've been binge watching your videos for two days and I love all the things I'm learning :))
I say if you have to ask a guy out then he’s not into you move on. Bottom line it when a guy likes you he comes after you when he’s not that interested he makes little effort don’t waste your time on the little effort guys. Also I don’t agree that you should wait four days and contact him just because he’s visual. If he is on your social media post a hot photo of yourself there do not contact him just post some really hot photos and he will reach out. But this guy is not worth it because he’s not into you the guys who are into you will contact you every day and that’s the bottom line. On the first date you should touch him make sure you touch his face his hair brush his hair out of his face do something gentle this melts guys. Second they somehow managed to call him baby. But do not contact him I have guys chasing me because I don’t contact them and make it so that they can see if you’ve read their text messages or not and don’t read them so they see that you don’t even care about reading their text messages LOL Sorry Elliot I just don’t agree with this one I don’t think women should make any effort and Chase guys I think women should be the elusive butterfly that these guys have to chase
What if it's been almost a year you've been together. then how long to pull away? my ex is so Jekyll and Hyde with me this past month. one day hes telling me doesn't want to be with me then he gets drunk and says he still loves me he just doesn't like our situation. I've been staying over his house almost every night still and some nights he pulls me in and holds me and is so sweet and other nights he doesn't want me to touch him. this has been going on for a month. but he still will ask me who I'm going somewhere with if I say I'm going to eat or to a bar. last night I was supposed to come over his house we had a good night and morning and I was 30mins late getting there coming from having some drinks, he completely changed and said he didn't want to be with me again. then I went outside on the porch and called a friend, he came outside to listen then asked me who I was talking to after I hung up I said nobody just called one of my friends and he got pissed called me a liar and left for an hour. I need to stop this pattern that's been going on for the last month I think he does it bc he knows he wont actually lose for good. but I don't want to pull away so much that he moves on. he's also super stubborn and has too much pride.
What if we have been in a relationship for over a month? We were dating for 3 weeks where he initied all or most of our dates then he asked me to be his girlfriend after I told him kisses are for boyfriends. A month later he sent me a song "let me love you" and was promising how he'll be more attentive and become a better boyfriend. I didn't know what the heck he was talking about because he was already fine to me. Well after that he started pulling away and acting different. I watched all these pulling away videos too late. I kept asking him why is he ignoring me and why this and why that and his answers were idk the. I said it sounds like you don't want to be with me anymore. He says nothing. Then I say it again and he said I don't want to talk about this over the phone. I hang up and text him are breaking up with me? He says "it's not that I just don't know if I want to jump into a relationship right now" that's the last thing he told me. He has said nothing else. That was a week ago. This weekend I sent him a text and said "I am unsure whether the last text was you ended it or you genuinely saying you just don't know. Either way, I hope you find what you're looking for." ..... Where do I go from here? Are we even still together? I'm so confused😣
True. Guys have guy time and ladies have lady time. Men do like pursuing. I disagree with Phoebe Cates' character in "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" here, when she told her friend Stacy to just call Ron the stereo guy "guys love that shit." That hasn't been my experience.
Elliot!!!! how dare you not respond to that girl! just because she's in a different place with it than you? tell her that much at least. don't keep her hanging!
pulling away is not no contact... pulling away means to focus more on other things than things with the guy and making it a bit (A BIT) more difficult for him to see you etc. maybe there's a misunderstanding regarding the 21 day rule, it's not like you're not going to see him in 21 days, it is to give him the feeling that you're slipping away if he doesn't hold on to you ;) and yeah, if a man stands me up, that's a total out !! and I do like to hear that, b/c it gives me strength to know that this is surely not going anywhere ;) lve !
+mssummerrose1 he said that he didnt want you to contact him for 21 days. Thats a long time if the guy never reaches out. But at the same time that also gives you your answer LOL
Elliot Scott Dating oh yeah. clear answer ;)) the truth is hard, but good in the end... that's what we women don't want to accept... we like to dream a lot... idk why we are created that way, it is very hard for us to overcome, it is sh*t :( but I do all it takes to accept it :,(
What about being in a new relationship? been only 3 weeks, and whenever we are together its great but when I leave there's no promise of when I will see him again + we also don't text much. I'm used to certainty but as of now I don't know when next I'll see him because He doesnt even imply when next he wants to see me/we dont make plans to see each other again when Im with him (so basically i view my week as "cool, im busy and I have my own stuff to do, but I dont even know when I'll see him", so to me it feels as if he isnt a part of my world. Trying hard not to be needy because I know how annoying it is. The last time we went on a date, I suggested it which was 4 days ago.
Been with a man for 16 months on a long distance relationship. He find himself too tired and asked for space for the reason that he is felt unappreciated and ignored and felt that I changed and does not value his opinion anymore. I did tried to talk it out and apologized and tried calling him but I felt like he has no interest at all on talking to me. It's been 4 days and I have not heard form him yet. Should I initiate on reaching out or let him take more time? Though he did replied back that he still loves me its just puzzling me and I am left clueless.
He is making me sicker and I have been patient enough. (I gave him 2 months and we spent time with each other 10 hours total) He does not have much time for me = he will have to do all the work now. And I'm tired of checking my emails to see if he communicates with me. I need to get him off my mind now. The last time, he thought that I would be available to him on a f*ing dime and of course, I hesitated so he saw me when he was not expecting me anymore.
what if he says "no" the first timeand the second time says "shortly"? ?.. I pulled back then he sent me a message but with no invitations..I replied saying thanks for the message and then pulled back. 9 days has passed now. I tried twice..I ain't gonna do more,,shit! crap
waaay too long. No guy is going to wait around for a girl like that. Especially if you take into context that you're "pulling away to increase value" which means you have no value to begin with...he ain't waiting for that shit.
becuase you are so honest and a lovely soul and your energy boost me up. furthermore you make realise of my mistakes I made and improve my life just stop doing the same mistakes you explain the things in just an awesome way that enters your head your soul and your heart causing a nice feeling. tha's why :) xoxo
I have a question...Matt Boggs says not to be afraid of what you want and says stating is says your confident and sexy and to not give up sex until he "signs your contract" however your advice seems more easy breezy so now I'm hella confused! :) help me. He says we teach people how to treat us and not to be afraid to speak up if he does something that upsets you (calmly of course)
I agree with him on some points. I am just stating that on top of what Matt says, if you have a lot of value, that guy isn't going anywhere so it doesn't matter if he's signing a contract or not. When I say a lot of value, I mean value as in you both know youre the best he can get. lol. Listen, contracts are for properties and let's be real, a guy doesn't give a fuck what he's "signing" or telling you. If he's a dbag and wants to hit and quit he will. No matter how many loop holes or test you put him through. The reason I don't teach it his way is I don't believe a girl saying, "Hey I don't want to hook up unless I am in a relationship" is sexy. What is sexy and confident about that? It creates an obstacle for attraction. I teach Flow and how to win him over in the process. Just let everything flow naturally. Don't jump ahead. Don't bring up sex and relationships until you're about to have sex. When you do finally get to that point and you're not ready or sure, you need to say, "I think you have me confused with an you and I in the future". I think that is much sexier. Not only does it give the guy a witty comeback but it's not completely turning him down. You give him hope so he will come back. That gives you more opportunity to win him over. Instead if you say from the beginning that you want XYZ, he may just tell you what you want to hear or drop you completely. Let's just say EVERY SINGLE woman I have dated in my life has never gave me a prerequisite before dating her. Attraction is built by living in the moment. hangout, have fun, and stay in the moment. Talking about relationships is for down the road. If he tries to make a move on you then that's where you use the line i said above. Then later on after you dated a while and he does it again, say that you're only wanting to hook up if you're in a relationship. NEVER bring it up out of the blue. It must have a reason. At the same, I never date a girl who believes that or waits until a relationship. She's too structured IMO. She's not confident in her ability to keep me and it also shows me that guys have done it to her before which leads me to think, "Why?" If I could make a channel all over again, I would focus strictly on energies. if you look at the energy of a hot confident woman and then at an average woman, it's night and day difference. A hot confident woman will less likely say she's not wanting to hookup unless it's bf/gf. At most she will just turn the guy down knowing she will make him chase (now that is confidence). She's confident in her abilities to attract men and keep them coming back. The aura literally radiates from her. Whereas other women say these weak phrases that get men questioning why he should be with her in the first place or lie to her to get with her. I understand why women say it. There are a lot of assholes out in the world but it's a vicious cycle. You attract those assholes by being structured and playing it safe. if you want to hook up with him go ahead. if you don't then don't. He already made his decision. Just don't show red flags through the whole process. That is what changes a guy from "she's pretty cool" to "I should have never done this with her." AND HERE IS THE THING: that guy could have been a great guy who actually wanted something but because you showed those red flags after hooking up, he pulled away. Now you think he's an asshole who just wanted sex but it's miscommunication. He really pulled away because you came unglued.
Elliot Scott Dating 100% Agree with this! Such sound advice! I've heard and seen a lot of dating advice from other Gurus on RU-vid, but so far yours is the best👍
Hi! Can you make a video about what to do when a girl runs into her ex who disappear after few months casual dating? She wanted more and he was so-so, after six months of dating he disappeard and really quick found a new girl. How to act? What to say? I want that he see what he is lost. Thank you!
Ok so I think it's fine to drop hints that your into a dude then step back and be friendly but let him pursue back. Ladies don't chase a man! But I do not think a time limit should be on every scenario some guys can be into a girl for a few yrs before they get comfortable enough to ask you out. Or that's just me because I'm intimidating as hell? Lol really high standards I have if a guy goes off and is dating or hang in out with other chicks he just not into you but if he's not dating and smiles and jokes around when you see each other my bet is he's into you just not balsy enough to ask out or it's not good timing. Am I right?
he told me we can never be in a relationship because I had an abortion when I was 19, he's very religious. it was not his baby he just said he can't see his self with me after I told him the truth. he said he loves me but he keeps thinking about that. so I asked I'd u don't see us together ever stop calling me n I was crying, then 3 days go by n he messaged me, do I respond? that was last night. also I live n cali n him n texas, we have not met like u sat men need physical. but we would not get off the phone with another. we would spend 8 plus hours for a month everynight.
Real Victoria Move on. You're not going to change his religious beliefs, and I wouldn't tell anyone about having abortion again. It's not any man's business.
i am currently trying the pulling away method. it worked for a few days and he started texting me , he's not much of a texter normally. we already hooked up and we have a bond but he goes out to club and bars with his friends and meets other girls. So I came out of work and I think he saw me leaving to go hang out with another guy. He's not answering my text messages now but I'm thinking of waiting it out. should I try the no contact rule now? I'm trying to get him to take me on a date.
we are in relationship of 9 months we are like a couple having everything.and now we had a fight and he clearly told me that he will not go on a date or anywhere with me.first of all i started to talk to him about our issue but he was still angry on me. he dont want to listin to me.even he did'nt give me a chance to talk to him on that issue.bcz he thinks that i was wrong but he also dont want my sorry's i dont have any option left i cant prove myself even that why should that issue creat b/w us.bcz he dont want to listin or repeat that agaim.nd it dosent work on him.he just pulled away from me.then i start to keep silence on the situation..i am talking to him but very limited nd giving him space..but plz tell me how long should i keep this silence?? should i talk to him again about that issue or just leave that issue behind nd be norml to him without clearifying that issue?
my phone went off 2 weeks while I was trying to do the no contact,he asked me to message him on ig..after my phone was turned back on he told me he was engaged...well obviously she was there idk how long so idk when I officially lost him
Elliot this guy I'm seeing, never calls or texts first but arranges the best dates on the weekend, replies for hours with back and forth banter when I initiate convo and stays over. We haven't had sex yet as I'm trying to not jump in with it. I've pulled away this week to see if he will text or call me and I've received nothing. I literally have no idea of what to do 😂 How long is it okay to pull away for, am I making things worse or should I just forget about him
can you please make a video about the way people one dated but who dumped come back? you said it can be a couple of months it takes etc.. what happens in their brains? please explain :)
Elliot Scott Dating Thank you will check that out! But i mean.. how old are you? Do you got a girlfriend now? Im afraid if i dont fix myself/relationships/get him back or so i´ll be alone forever.. Im closing in to 30 years old soon and im a female so the clock is ticking fast and with each day i feel like there´s something wrong with me for not being able to make the men i date to fall in love with me.. i know i showed a bit red flags but i have gotten better. just hope im good enough for next time, if there will be any... been on like 20 dates (with diffrent guys) since my ex dumped me but i don´t want to meet the guys a second time even! its like im terrified of going down that path of getting hurt/dumped again (ive been harshly done by about 4 men in my life i almost was in a official realtionship with) Can you perhaps make a video on dating and when one should give guys a second shot or not? I just feel like when i go on a date and he pays for dinner i feel i owe him something but im not interested in HIM enough to go on a second date and perhaps pay back for a dinner then (as its made in Sweden.. with our "equal thinking") so i just dont bother to see them at all. Also, i feel like im having trouble being myself 100% right from beginning and rather start many dates later , just in time for men to stop being attracted to me... Sorry im rabeling :(
Elliot Scott Dating but please make a video on how to handle payment? like who should pay first date, second, third etc..? I live in Sweden so here its more equality than other countries but im old fashioned and love it when a man take cares of me (financially/romantically)! so it doesnt go hand in hand :(
+JE ENN Don't change yourself for a guy. Change yourself if YOU dislike it on your own. If a guy takes you on a date and he pays he should pay for you because he likes to and not because he expects anything back. So if he took you out on a date and it doesn't work out he won't expect anything back. And if he does then you can dump him anyway. That doesn't mean that if you are on a date with someone you should lean back when the bill comes. Make an effort but once he said he will pay say thank you and give him a smile. That is enough. Try to get to know yourself better and what qualities you really have. Keep it up! Nina
If he reaches out that is good. It'd be better if he made a date but if he reaches out then you should try to meet in person. If he can't then say, "That's fine. Get back to me when you know your schedule. Im about to go XYZ. ttyl." so that means next time he reaches out, it should be logically for telling you his availability. If it's not, do the same thing again.
I think the idea is to get him to text, and the 4 day thing is how long you should wait before you text again. so if he does text, that's good. and you should respond, but in a flirtatious way that inspires him to set up, or leads to, a meeting. it's not about avoiding him and/or blowing him off, but waiting to respond again, if you don't hear from him. just don't make that meaningless, simple of a text out to be the end all. it's good he's reached out, but it's only what it is. it's not a date, is not a flirt, it's a common courtesy that shows he cares enough to make some effort. use it to advance things. ignoring him will do the opposite, but so will jumping up and down over something so simple. I think the message here is more for you not to do more than he's doing. give a little to show you're interested, like respond but playfully, then pull back and let him show if he's interested or not.
Finally a explanation on how to pull away without being a bitch lol.... Going to do the 4 days from today. Not going to chase and see if he steps up x thank you elliot.
ISO woman, your goal is to know the man, not SEX don't worry about how many days.Because you need to know him well before SEX, if not don't give him SEX.
me. I'm really nobody other than someone who's fascinated with communication right now, who's avoiding doing what I should be by making comments I think I somehow have the answers to instead. I can't remember how I found this channel, but I get like this on all blogs/vlogs.
