How Some Straight Men Capitalize on Gay Loneliness 

But when a person is young, vulnerable, and unknowing, they may not have the capacity to do the teaching. That was my point. Others taking advantage of a person's vulnerability doesn't give them that justification. 🤷‍♂️

@@DonnyWinter The vulnerability you describe is present in people of all ages. Further, others failing to fully account for the vulnerabilities of others has, does and always will be a reality. There's no stopping people hurting vulnerable people - accidentally and intentionally. Crying about only guarantees one will remain vulnerable. Recognizing that no one is responsible for other's happiness. We all are responsible for our own happiness. 100% that is where the focus should be. Strengthening people. Not running around being a scold tsk tsk tsking because some meany made someone else cry

@@BelleOmbreGrey I really don't believe in the "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" mentality you're conveying. I get where you're coming from though, but at the end of the day, this absolutely does not justify a person capitalizing on/making jest of/taking advantage of another. Holding people accountable about their behavior is far more impactful than telling someone that they're "not strong" because they are a human being.

@@DonnyWinter Its stronger to make yourself acountable for your own actions then the other. Its better to change your own actions then the actions of someone els. It seems to me, you are a not lissening to the suggestions of other, and jou are just trying to push your own flawd theorie.

​@@BelleOmbreGreyyou get it

This is the realest comment I’ve read

I feel like this is also true for lesbian relations. Women are very affectionate with one another so I feel like often times for lesbians, these platonic gestures can be viewed as romantic interest.

My life sounds like yours, I have gay friends who are convinced I’m sleeping with all my straight friends coz they are attractive, but the reason I get on with them so well is coz there’s no sexual tension so I can be comfortable around them and some gay people can’t realise that coz they only think about sex

Exactly! My long time best friend (since first grade) is straight and we know that the hugs and arms over the shoulder things are completely platonic (hey, I’m also friends with wife). Highschool came and all my male classmates know I like men, they allow me to sit on their laps when there is no more chairs and stuff because they know I view them as friends and will not take advantage. Then in college I started training in martial arts and me and my male classmates all know that the grapples, grabs, and after practice rough plays are not sexual. The “loneliness” comes from assuming there could be feelings developing from these physical closeness. We know they’re straight from the get go so we should not assume that they will fall in love with us one day. Yes, sexuality is fluid and they may turn bi, gay, asexual, or whatever color of the rainbow but never assume that it will always happen.

"Hi I'm gay, but i'm also one of the boys because I just 'get it.' I know how to be around men. My sexuality isn't a problem for them, and isn't a problem for me. Your issues are all your fault blah blah blah blah" Yeah thanks, mate. No wonder so may men kill themselves.

Thank you for the empowering and kind comment! I have found my person (finally) after many years. Now, I just want to impart my reflections/experiences because I didn't piece these things together when I was at my most vulnerable moments. Thank you for your allyship, by the way! 💕

I think the majority of them didn't watch the video in its entirety. I appreciate your kind, understanding comment. ❤

A lot of the criticism stems from those commentors not watching the video in its entirety. I appreciate your kind words, by the way. You make some excellent points!

Every straight man I ever had, I used simply for my own pleasure, and afterwards I cared nothing about. They were just an object.

I think you missed the point of my video entirely, unfortunately. I'm referring mostly to LGBTQ+ prior or at the coming out stage being vulnerable in the sense that they are susceptible to people making jest or entertainment of them at a critical developmental juncture.

⁠@@DonnyWinter so my statement still stands - you are allowing this behavior to pass through. It’s the inability to set boundaries for yourself, so the problem falls on the other person to make them. I will admit that it’s sad to hear that straight people are manipulating your behavior, but it’s also the will of the gay person to understand that if a straight person says that they are straight, then you must move on and avoid them romantically and sexually.

One reason Gay men pursue the straight & narrow is that the straight guy often comes around. Feels so good going down. Right, Butch?

@@PatricenotPatrick So, Patrice, why do you keep coming back for more? What's in you for it?

​@@sayaki2I would love to see straight men stop pursuing lesbians.

Gay men have sex with women. Gay men have sex with men they're not attracted to. Sometimes, people are drunk, or high, or just lonely. Human sexuality is not a fixed point on a line. And it's like he said, some guys, straight or gay, get off on just being sexually desired, regardless of who's doing the desiring.

@@draco1811 I am gay. Even drunk or high or lonely I WONT have sex with a woman. What are you talking about?

Could also at minimum be straight but momentarily curious (not to support the myth of sexuality being a phase of course). You'd also be surprised as to how many self-labelled straight men are fairly ok with receiving oral sex from a gay male obviously with no reciprocation. (The age old idea that certain things are only "really" gay if you do so and so or have a reciprocated romantic feeling, etc.) Sexual urges don't always have a strict context, many people are also dishonest about the nature of the sexual encounters they actually have had which can distort the actual reality of things sometimes. When you combine this with societal expectations of what such encounters or experiences "should" look like or otherwise imply, things get messy and quite inconsistent very quickly.

@@jeremywright9511 you are right. Most of the sexual encounters I had recently were men who just wanted a hole to empty their urges. Quickly, without a word or a look. I dont know if they were straight, bi or gay, but they could have done the same thing with anything with a mouth or a hole. It was never about desire, only about releaving some sexual pressure. Men would absolutely put their d*ck in anything. I am one of this thing. I am ok with that, it is better than nothing for me, at least I am somehow helpful.

Troy Sivan putting on a wig in his new video screams gay self loathing and desperation. It’s SO cringe. Tossing on a wig so a guy with a blank Grindr profile let’s u go down on him is not empowering. Gays need to get over the masculinity obsession and just go fem for fem! Everyone wants to break gender roles and be flamboyant and camp yet won’t date someone who does the same! 🤷‍♀️

If he was pure gay man, at some point they probably just asked. Anyway there is also nothing wrong expressing the sympathies, that you like someone. Accordingly after that the person has to decide what to do with that.

@@VonRix “pure gay”?

The valley gurl accent

It's a stupid thing to be confused about.

@@AL2VAR no it's not

I agree with you on the idea of taking responsibility for your own feelings - however, your politics are abhorrent at this point. Be well.

the gay loneliness is real

​@@judygarland7186sure is. Male loneliness in general has gone up

I totaly agree with you. Take responsibility for your own actions instead of blaming the other guy.

@@radagast25a I dont see a politic statements in his reply

Thank you! ♥️

A man who once in a while hooks up with another man is not "straight."

@@t.e.burgos3263 No. Plenty of men I hooked up with where straight, they just wanted to explore a bit. If you ask me sexuality is more on a spectrum. Men just dont talk about it that much. In my experience woman are more open about it. But then again in the western world Men dont judge woman who experiment with woman less then men who experiment with men.

That's true I think. We tend to think of orientation as a strict binary, and it is for some people, but there's a whole lot of complexity in between. The conventional wisdom is that there is no such thing as a straight guy who hooks up with other guys. They had to be gay guys in denial or bisexual guys who liked men and women about equally but maybe hadn't come around to acknowledging that. I've seen far too much in the real world that contradicts all of that. The thing to keep in mind about men though,is that sex is not in any way hard linked to emotional intimacy or to identity/orientation. It can be, but as often as not it isn't. Men need and want to f*ck. That has nothing to do with who they want to make a home and life with or who they form romantic attachments to. There's a spa about 20 minutes from me which has saunas and hot tubs and the like, and it's not a gay spa, it's a regular community Korean style one. The bath area is segregated by gender, and all that bathing is done nude. But man, before they changed the design of the steam room, I used to see a TON of guy on guy action in there. Some of it was gay guys who came out from the city, but on any given night, half to 80% were straight guys. I don't mean guys living a lie with a wife as social cover. Guys who considered themselves straight but not homophobic. They weren't looking for guys to take home or see outside of the place, but they liked the raw, bestial unemotional kind of sex that only happens when men get together for that purpose. I think a lot of them got off on that and just the deviancy of doing it in a semi-public place. Sometimes it was guys going down on each other, but many times it was just a big circle jerk. I think the gay guys who went there understood that too. They weren't thinking or hoping to find emotional support or real intimacy there.

Why are you calling him "girl"?

@@renan27023 Its slang. Girl!:)

Like... we shouldn't be craving intimacy from straight men at all😭 we need to love our fellow gays and thats that. Not always in a romantic way, but as friends as well.

I had a platonic best friendship with a gay man. Our friendship lasted 29 years until he passed away at the age of 64. We helped each other as friends doo. There is a lot that younger men can learn about platonic gay friendships. As they say 'lovers come and go, but friends are always there. My best gay friend was always there in the best of times and the worse of times.

This is an excellent point here.

​@@stanguy4491 Wow, friends for life. Sweet to hear.

I'm going out on a limb and believing that your question is coming from a good place, because I typically don't respond to people who minimize and gaslight via the projection route. These guys relished and even stated they enjoyed witnessing my awkward reactions whenever they'd grope, caress, or touch me in general. And sometimes, they'd even spew the slurs within minutes of the exchanges. It was definitely toxic behavior and not a projection in my head.

@@DonnyWinter calling them toxic sounds like the gaslighting, like I said, they might have seen the situation differently. You calling it toxic seems like your own personal prospective of the situation because of your sexual immaturity at the time. But that's okay, not everyone has everything figured out at 19/20 years old.

@@DonnyWinteryou out here preying on straight men, YOU are what is toxic madam

@Jambara So, them forcibly touching me and making advances was my fault because I'm projecting what I think their intentions were. That doesnt add up, friend. 🤣

@@DonnyWinterThat is funny because I experienced the same treatment from both males and females. You are not projecting this happens to a lot of gay men.

Agreed. The way some chase and obsess over straight men is so foul on so many levels. Then people wonder why we get stereotyped smh

Yeah, because there is no such thing as unrequited love. Jesus.

Please explain how you DON’T fall for someone. If you are regular proximity to someone like work or school etc, and you interact with them on a daily basis, developing feelings is a real possibility. Idk about you, I have about as much control over my feelings as I do the man in the moon.

@@nickmather2132 With a dude you know is straight and never loved you? No. That’s infatuation and obsession. Grow up.

Yeah, because that is always what happens. Get an imagination because there are more scenarios than the one you assume to be true. You don't know every person's experience, so you grow the fuck up.@@kaymillerfromTX

Were you able to watch the video in its entirety? Appreciate your comment, though keep in mind, this is one entry in a series of videos. I touch on some of the things you note in the other entries.

Indeed, especially about the young part. Granted, if one of these straight dudes are willfully aware that they are capitalizing on said inexperienced gay person, does it make it right for them to do so?

@@DonnyWinter Playing with someone's emotions is not right, period. That being said, if you as a gay man try to entertain the idea of romancing a guy you know is straight, you are being extremely foolish and setting yourself up for disaster. There are plenty of young attractive gay men who prey on older lonely and wealthy gay men knowing they are just using them for their money. In fact I'd say there are way more predatory gay hustlers than cock-tease straight men. And that's worse because they are hurting people in their own "community".

No. It's not. It's such an evil thing to say... Do you blame the r*pe victims for what happened to them?

We're all in this together ❤️

Women repress their sexuality for the most part, unless they're watching Chippendales, Justin Biever, or whatever makes them scream like banshees. It's also true that a lot of women can survive without men. Ironically, I think a lot of straight men are learning how to survive without women. The Men Going Alone movement is growing. With porn, sex robots, and just shifting one's focus to video games, books, etc, one can find fulfillment. I'm an introvert, so being alone is pretty much my default, it took me years to get used to it, now I love it. While I would love to be in a relationship, I don't want to sacrifice my standards or date someone I don't like just to have somebody. Also, there's no greater hell than being alone together.

LK thankU sweet to read. You can be at peace, the friendly apology you offer is loving in itself, & the best you can do.

I like men, yep. But if i learn they are straight, it's an automatic deterrent. I have enuf to worry about. But isn't loneliness umm universal, "the human condition". I resigned in abject failure from having a love/sex life. I'm blessed in friendships though

I think what you felt is being adored for your beauty and physical attractiveness, and this includes a full acceptance of your true sexual nature. I'm a gay man and even I see all these expectations women have towards their potential partners, even going as far as to financial expectations; gay man on the other hand love men for their pure physical appearance. Gay and straight men have one crucial thing in common: we all love beauty. You love and adore beautiful women, and we love beautiful men. We don't care so much about status, money, or even education in our potential partners. I sometimes even feel sorry for you straight guys because you are not adored as much as you deserve by your female partners for being so stunning. Thanks for being an ally, btw.

Nice sentiments from a straight man, but perhaps there is one mayor flaw in your comment/feelings! True love have nothing to do with appreciating ones own or another person's physical beauty! what you want have nothing to do with love. Sexual attraction or sexual feelings is a physiological need you can have and get from anyone, regardless of their sexual identity. I as a gay man find women extremely sexually attractive, but my emotional and spiritual bond is strongest with other gay men.

Thanks!

Excellent points!

Thank I wanted to mention Because a lot of people don’t know love but chaos To be more specific and forward Divides the people you don’t need to Guide your fortune and your peace In love

Thank you

@michaelscott5155 thank you! Yeah, the haters honestly didn't watch the entire video

You're missing the entire point here. I'm talking about gays who are either in the closet or JUST out with zero experience. If a straight guy willfully makes a joke of their isolation or capitalizes on it, that's the problem. This has nothing to do with straight chasing.

They used to say in program: the reason I go for un-available people is that "I" myself am un-available. As an "ex" in a 16 yr relationship now on my own, my last three lovers (fuck buddies) all picked me up. They were all straight. Okay. They pretended to be straight, and I pretended to believe them. No love lost, and I got exactly what I wanted......a big dick. No screams attached.

Heterosexuality is not innate and fixed. It is learned and acquired. Every man can love a man biologically. It's the homophobic attitude my friend.

Your opinion. 🤷‍♂️ Let's not dismiss what others have experienced simply because you likely haven't.

@DonnyWinter Hyperbolic expressions of victimhood (loneliness) for entertainment and titillation are shameful, exploitative, and unproductive. Your assumption that I've never experienced loneliness is once again indicative of superficial thinking.

You do make an excellent point about this.

It's sadly true

It's possible my area was rural and peculiar! Idk haha

Why is that? Is it because of religion, stereotypes, or gays and straights having few shared interests over there?

❤️

Thank you. I really appreciate your kindness ♥️

​@DonnyWinter I too am very surprised to see all of these negative, and quite frankly rude, comments here. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like these straight "friends" of yours basically bullied you by interacting with you and touching you inappropriately. And I don't blame you for sticking with these toxic people for a while, especially if these were the only friends you really had at the time. Like I can imagine being in that situation and not appreciating what these toxic friends do, but would likely think it's better than having no actual friends at all, trying to rationalize the situation with thoughts like "well it could be worse" or "maybe this is just their way of showing that they like me as a friend" or something. Honestly pisses me off that people are victim blaming you for situations that are out of your control, like it's the other person's fault for not interacting with you appropriately, not yours. And how are you supposed to know what the other guy actually means when they do things like caress you or pretend to kiss you, like I would think maybe they might like me back but aren't confident enough to be serious about it. What do these other commentors think we have, mind reading superpowers to know exactly what other people mean when they interact with us?? Sorry for a bit of a rant here, in the end I just want you to know you have every right to talk about this and to label it as a personal trauma you had to spend years trying to unwrap and heal from. Hope the best for you in the present and future, and I hope these other rude comments aren't tearing you down too much.

@@DonnyWinter Also looking at the channel of the one negative commenter on this thread, WakandaleezaRazz, they seem to be some kind of anti-lgbt troll of some sort. Wonder if many of these negative comments are some kind of anti-lgbt trolls tbh. I'm sure you don't need to be told this but I'll say it anyway since it's important regardless, don't listen to them and keep doing what you're doing. Your life experiences and how they have affected you are valid and deserved to be discussed in a kind and respectful manner. And fuck the trolls lol.

"The straight guys… should be equally sensitive to anyone who could have feelings for them, whether gay guy or straight girl." That's La La Land. That would be nice but that's not reality.

@@Not-Ap truth, unfortunately

Fair, but there's already considerable research out there corroborrating the causes of this. Considering the discrimination the community still faces, it's very much a thing concentrated in the LGBTQ+ community.

Fair!

So, before you begin to judge someone's situation and another person's intent, maybe ask for context first. I was literally abused by one of these people before, so no, this isn't a "oh woe is me trauma BS." This is something I've had to work through for years in therapy. I hope you enjoy your day and reflect a bit on that.

@@DonnyWinter I didn’t judge you though. And I was speaking in a very general sense when I said THE COMMUNITY. Obviously we all have different stories but the common denominator is not dealing and healing unresolved issues and blaming anything else. Like how you just tried to do now twisting my comment as one personally directed to you. I meant no malice in my original comment. I want to see more happy couples than guys making “loneliness epidemic” videos dating back years as you are, maybe reflect on that

@@MiguelitoD770 Oh, you were speaking generally. I see where you're coming from. Apologies for the direct confrontation - I've been navigating some other ridiculous comments.

Patronize us more! We love it! (Not)

Reads like a confused response.

There's not a 100% chance of rejection. A lot of guys are into it if they feel safe. It's mostly just society that maintains everything as hetero (except when they feel like some girl on girl, that is)

Well said, and sorry for your pain. Any chance you can move to a place where you could experience more queer solidarity?

There are some great catches in those Red States. They often can’t deal with the Left wing gays that dominate the cities. Have an open mind.

That's fair! Unfortunately, when people are early in their coming out process, they may not fully love/accept themselves at that level.

Absolutely true, my friend.

That is why you should never assume or jump to conclusions until you know what the guy is going through.

Yes, developing boundaries are very important and the most important one is self-respect. Chasing after straight men is undermining of that. If they are genuinely straight then they will never love you in the way that you need. And if they are playing games that's even worse. Do yourself a favour and stick to gay men, who can give you what you need.. x

Speaking with utmost respect here: how is it not grown up to have serious conversations about LGBTQ+ experiences central to many prior to coming out? The world is challenging enough as it is. It's easy to be kind to others.

Bit ironic that someone as emotionally immature as you can tell someone else to ''grow up.'' I guess listening isn't in your skillset.

@@CynthiaNotG Right back at you. What could possibly motivate you to comment on someone's' video with such an entitled, arrogant and excessive tone if it isn't simply due to your own insecurities? Pack it up yourself, and spread some positivity for a change. Have a nice day. 😉

@@CynthiaNotGOh please. You’re allowed to whine about getting the same BM over and over and it’s fine. So let him go about his business.

@@a.m.308Lmao says the dude waiting tables stuck on the times straight customers were nice to him. 💀 It’s obvious why you straight chasing kweens alone and upset. (Especially you yt racist ones who tell on yourselves )

I agree. Love should come naturally

it is more cruel in the case he mentions

Many people gay/straight male/female enjoy the attention from another person. They will act ambivalent about it and often lead people on, unwittingly or not. They do this because they too are lonely. I’m not trying to make an excuse for shitty behavior. There is an epidemic of loneliness and it can be particularly painful for young people just discovering themselves. Straight men can capitalize on it, gay men do the same. I think it’s even worse when the abuse comes from another gay man.

Thank you!

Thank you. I appreciate you saying this. Many of the comments were people who didn't watch the video in it's entirety.

Classic gay-baiting. Not everything as to be gay

Yep! Absolutely.

No! It's the reverse. Women do it to men.

❤

@@muratmane2600 Hello Mr I'm very well thank you x

I appreciate you sharing your inter-generational perspective on this! (Also, I love your username - Radagast is my fave Tolkien character)

I'm glad you've never felt that way!

Definitely true! Thank you! ♥️

Hi Lindsey! Thank you so much for commenting and asking, especially from the perspective of becoming a therapist. Speaking for only my experiences of course, most of these guys were hyper-masculine or individuals who were insecure with their own masculinity. They would often find a male exhibiting feminine characteristics either appalling or interesting. Some of these guys would bully me, others would attempt to appeal to my sexuality, which I found it be a peculiar thing at the time. As we grow older and develop experience, I think a lot of LGBTQ+ also learn to warn others when navigating these sorts of things in the dating world. I think that's one reason I wanted to make this video. Now that I've had the chance to examine my trauma in therapy, it's given me the tools to have conversations about these incredibly underdiscussed things which impact gay men.

They don't do it to women. Women do it to us straight men.

I definitely understand haha.

Thank you.

Thank you for your kind response. ♥️♥️

It is. That's why I made this video.

Yes. A lot of the time when I hear stories of these so called "straight" down low men who put on a facade of macho straight man with wives and girlfriends but have multiple affairs with gay men, a lot of the time they sound like they are narcissists. A lot of the gay men make excuses for them blaiming society and stigma for why these men are on the down low, where these men show very little empathy and consideration for the gay person's feelings and is quite willing to use and string them along for their own ends. I think some of these guys wouldn't want to date men openly even if their family and friends accepted it because they like their lifestyle of being able to play the "straight guy" and the thrill of doing something taboo in secret. They like leading double lives and I think as narcissists it makes them feel smart and superior to trick and fool other people around them. Narcissists like having a hareem of sources of narcissistic supply that don't know about each other so they can have their cake and eat it and to help fill that empty void inside them. Narcissistis also cannot create, regulate or sustain their own self-worth. Without a constant supply of validation and attention from others, the narcissist's self-worth cannot be regulated and will drain away. Because they can create no self-worth of their own and cannot sustain whatever they receive from others, it does not last long and they are soon teetering on the brink of collapse again.The behavior and needs of narcissists usually coincide with how they receive and process this narcissistic supply. This is the supply of admiration, sympathy, attention, sex, power or whatever it is they need to validate themselves as worthy human beings.Sex (and anything else) only matters to narcissists if it is how they receive various forms of validation/narcissistic supply. These people exist in the narcissist's life solely for what they can give. There is no true interest in them as people or what they need., and not only is there no healthy give and take, there is no true give and take at all, because even when the narcissist appears to be giving, they are taking because of what is called mirroring. Through the process of mirroring, the narcissist presents a "good" image of themselves to someone and receives approval, admiration, sympathy or whatever from the other person in return. It is done only so that the other person "reflects" positive feelings about the narcissist back to them like a mirror - which they then process into temporary self-worth. It's the only way they have to create any, because they cannot create their own "positive feedback" or Supply the narcissist is seeking from others doesn't always mean things that feel good to the other person. It means things which feel good to the narcissist, and these may not be the same thing. It can be things like admiration and approval, but it can also be things like pity, fear, anger or anything else. In the same way, the "good" image they are presenting of themselves doesn't necessarily mean what we think of as a "good person," though it often is. It just means something that will create the reaction they are looking for from others.. The life of the pathologically narcissistic person is a performance of one for one by one, and other people are the props narcissists use to make the fiction more believable to themselves. If others believe it, that makes it more real. And when it's more real, they can believe it and convert it into self-worth - at least for a time. This is the function of the narcissistic harem. They are kept and farmed like a herd, to be milked for whatever it is they can give the narcissist and left out to graze when they are not needed. Because pathologically narcissistic people require - literally require - the input and cooperation of others to function, keeping a harem is not just a vanity move or their way of flexing their proverbial muscles. In a very real way, it is resource management, or even hoarding, that is in many ways no different than stocking your pantry with dry goods. If you understood your pantry to be as bottomless as the narcissist's needs are, then you will understand how much it would take to fill it. Narcissists exist in survival mode all the time. This creates a deep-seated, pervasive insecurity about their own ability to survive and because of that, they endeavor to manipulate and control people in order to make sure their needs will be met. The fact that narcissists are dependent on others means that other people are actually resources for narcissists, like food and water. Objects, in other words - but necessary ones. If survival depends on others, then others must be controlled to ensure that they will do their part. This is one reason triangulation between resources can happen. It's not just about wanting to get away with lies or continue on with bad behavior. It's deeper than that. The narcissist wants to be sure to control the situation as much as possible and prevent exposure of things about them that would disrupt the flow of validation they need from these people. For example, if Jimmy knows something about Bobby that Bobby thinks makes him look bad, Bobby will do what he can to keep Jimmy away from his other resources so that Jimmy doesn't contaminate them with this "bad image" of him and cause that flow of validation that he needs - that supply - to change or dry up. This is actually very similar to the behavior of young children on the playground and can include keeping people separate or compartmentalizing them away from each other, turning them against each other, playing them off each other, smearing and discrediting Jimmy behind his back in the hope that this causes people to distrust him or not listen to him, discarding Jimmy totally and more. If it is a group of people who are known to each other, Bobby will do what he can to control the information they receive about him. For example, if the group is people at his job, he may make sure to never bring his partner around the group. He may tell members of the harem that they cannot be friends with his partner or family or he will no longer deal with them. He may demonize people outside the group who know things about him that he doesn't want people in the group to find out. This is all about securing resources for survival. Trangulation can show up in all different forms with narcissists because there is nothng that feeds their ego more than people fighting over them and it kind of places more value on them to other people. puts them into a power position, controlling the other people involved and the situation in general. It helps to feed them esteem and self-worth as well, because they have taken a position of confidante of both parties, creating the illusion that they are important. Triangulation, just like everything else the pathologically narcissistic person does, is about them and them only. They are manipulating and moving people around like pawns on a chess board, arranging them in the way that best serves the narcissist's needs. There's an old rule of thumb in marketing which states that if you can make something appear to be in high demand, you will create a sense of urgency in people and they will feel more desire for it. That's why you see those graphics on commercials and things like that which say "Only this many more of this item left!" or "Get it while it lasts!" They are trying to create a sense of urgency in you, to make you believe that if you don't act right now, you will lose out. They are making the item appear more attractive by making it appear that many people want it. This is the basis of romantic triangulation. You will always want something more when you are afraid you will lose it, or when you believe that you have won it. It's just human nature. This is the way pathologically narcissistic people artificially inflate their value. They may intentionally manufacture a love or relationship triangle - either real or implied - in order to create the idea that they have more value. We often see narcissistic partners doing this with their ex partners or friends. Other people are thrown into the mix in order to make the narcissist appear to be in demand. This creates competition between people for the narcissist's attention. The narcissist then becomes what they dearly want to be: an object worthy of fighting over. People are vying for their attention. People are jealous and envious because of them. People are being controlled and dominated and manipulated by the narcissist. Nothing feeds their ego more. Their self-worth skyrockets and they will do everything they can to prolong and protect the situation. Once a pathologically narcissistic person experiences being the coveted love object, they may create this situation again and again. Narcissists don't expend effort on something unless it really matters to them within their limited scope, and survival definitely does. It's the entire focus of their existence. Perhaps the worst part of this is, most of them don't realize any of these things are true, or why they do the things they do. They are just doing what they have always done in the way they've always done it. This is how they survive. The crocodile doesn't look like a floating log because it wants to. It looks like a floating log because that's what it does. This doesn't excuse the abusive behavior of pathologically narcissistic people in any way, but it does shed some light on whether or not it can be changed. If their defense mechanisms could be penetrated and they could somehow be made aware that this is what they were doing, they probably still wouldn't be able to understand emotionally that it's wrong. The crocodile doesn't feel bad for tricking the zebras with his appearance. He doesn't feel anything except hungry. This is how he survives.

@@janx8695 I'll admit I only got about half way through that lol but I agree with you more or less. The fact they exist in the gay communities and our online social networks (ie the apps since they've more or less replaced bars and social clubs) to umpteenth degree explains quite a bit of why most gay men are unhappy. We are swimming in a sea of sharks and wondering why we always get bit.

So he’s describing you? Because Imagine thinking a man who isn’t into men is obsessed with you and trying to play with your emotions lmfao. In what world?

@@cjthompson420 I agree that most of the time gay men are looking into it much more than a straight men and projecting their feelings onto the other person r situation. Even if there is some straight men who do it because they are narcissistic or whatever, it's gay men who need to take responsibilty for their own emotions and make sure they don't get used and taken advantage of. The same thing applies to everyone when they know better..for example when they know there are narcissists out there who will play with peoples emotions, either to boost their own ego or sometimes just for the fun of it because they like like that sort of thing. A narcissist lacks empathy and has no morality so yes they will do that and there is nothing anyone can do to make them stop being that way or to care about another person feelings..all we can do is make sure we are controlling ourselves, our own reactions and emotions so we don;'t get preyed on. If we don't take responsibilty for these things we will just keep getting preyed on by these type of people and ignorance can only be used as an excuse once. Gay men also have to accept that a heterosexual man is never going to suddenly wake up and turn homosexual. The same way they aren't going to suddenly become straight. Just ask any gay man who come out gay later in life after being married to women and trying to force themselves straight, being married to women did not change who they were sexually attracted to on a funamental level. A straight man is never going to feel the same attraction that a gay man feels for them and it's only a gay mans ego telling them it's possible and reading into things that arent really there. It's not only gay men either I know of a few situations where a straight man thought he could make a lesbian attracted to him. Yes there is closeted homosexual or bisexual men but they are not the majority. Most men who say they are straight and only attracted to women really are straight and only attracted to women.

@@cjthompson420 You can mock me all you want but the fact is there many men who are bi or just love the attention who do toy with the emotions of men they know are gay and use them get egoic validation. I am fully gay so this does not apply to me and I certainly don't need my ego validated by anyone but me. In example though would be the type of straight guy to go a gay bar and to hit on the straight women who go there to get away from them. They might enjoy the attention they get from gay men in those spaces and even flirt back but never go beyond that. Some might even engage in friendship with gay men they know is interested in them and continue to string them along before dropping at some point.

Aw, thank you!

Thank you ❤️

They've been interesting haven't they?

@DonnyWinter absolutely! I think a majority of people, currently at least, are very stuck in this "fix everything yourself" and "everything is your own fault" mindset. It's quite alarming. while self accountability is super important, it's also important to know that for most people, it takes others input to help out and iron out certain issues that are present. I think everyone is a lot more comfortable in believing that they have the power to fix everything, and that all people have this innate ability.

Lmao imagine playing victim because you chase straight men in your 30’s. Queen please.

Wise words ❤

@@DonnyWinter Sometimes it's good to have a mix of friends it's ok

There's another name for guys like that: USERS!

​@@Inflec Gold diggers and sugar babies also exist but Users ate a very nice term for them

Human beings use human beings in general

I mean, you do make a fair point. I do think our community could benefit from treating one another with more respect.

Thank you for saying this, I appreciate it. The truth is, a lot of people did not watch the video in its entirety. They quickly rushed to a judgment without seeing the full breadth of the message.

"In denial"... sounds like a common troupe amongst the homosexual community. "In denial" when your straight (and attractive) friend is willing to overlook your orientation and be friends with you. "In denial" when some guys are willing to be intimate with gay friends without making it out to be sexual advances. You're right: feelings is something you can't control. But you can't let your feelings dictate the reality that you can't do anything about how straight men feel about YOU. The problem with a lot of gay men is that they are willing to distort reasonable expectations to validate their own feelings. Hence, "in denial".

🤣

This right here!!

Yeah you liking men who don’t like men isn’t a culture. It’s a red flag you and this content creator refuse to acknowledge. Ew

I appreciate you sharing your story. What matters most is that you're trying to work on yourself and that you're analyzing these feelings. Sometimes that's one of the most important steps. If you don't mind me asking (you don't need to answer this if you don't feel comfortable), but have you had a conversation with this straight friend about your feelings? I have no doubt you'll find that right person

Thank you for your kindness. It means a lot. ♥️♥️♥️

Good point

I'm glad you felt that security