See Andrew Bustamante at The Integrated Man Live and Learn 👉👉👉 "How spies use sex to improve physical and mental performance, hone cognitive abilities, and unlock incredible energy for creativity, innovation, and problem-solving" - www.integratedmansummit.com/
The problem with our world, is most people don’t take this kind of time to evaluate what they are doing in this world. Knowledge is power, and just as was stated, you must observe first, learn and play by the rules first. That being said, you keep yourself from pit falls, thinking before you act. Don’t think that women can’t or use this type of thinking as well. Remember your not a spy, unless you are, this is a beneficial topic, on how to positively impact your interactions with someone new. It is more self awareness, we have been trained either by a parent, role model, possibly media, to have fear. When you can tear down your own barriers, you will have more to genuinely offer others. You have to be willing to push your own boundaries to grow. Would hope that you choose to do good for those around you, show everyone love in all interactions. That is what this experience is all about. When this kind of information is put out there. Steal shamelessly when it comes to empowering yourself and others.
The important difference between perception and perspective in negotiating interactions with others was very, well, perceptive! The suggestion about asking two questions about the other party to every revelation about yourself made me wonder about a possible scenario: what happens if the person you encounter has taken the same training? I imagine it would sound like an empathetiic tennis match.
This is a great interview. One thing that I got from here is in showing that you can play along the dynamics of the group before changing anything. It is powerful. I am meditating everyday on this to put it in my body.
On a personal level this was one of the best videos I've ever seen. Authenticity and connection on top of those techniques which one can apply to enhance interaction. Thank you gentlemen for this inspiring conversation!
Is it a goldmine ? Or Is it More of the status Quo of most of the Worlds common Sense to be a kiss azz ( play by the rules ) only to get ahead ? Being a Fake , a phony , a deceiver , a sneaky backstabber . The most respectable men AND woman i know never went along with the crowd AND gave people the middle finger AND Made a Lot better life than the majority caught up in the rat race . .
I wish Brian would ask brief questions and then shut up and really listen. He kept interpreting stuff that Andrew was saying and prattling on about what he thinks. He tries to put Bustamante's thinking in a box and limit it rather than letting it flow. Kind of ironic given some of the subject matter.
A collaboration between Andrew Bustamante and Chris Voss would be quite interesting 🤔. A former CIA Field Agent and a former FBI Hostage Negotiator, the techniques in communication and information gathering would be fascinating to hear😮
@@michaelk4740 There is no such thing. Bustamante does a great interview. He's also a shill for the CIA. Those two things can be true at the same time.
I'm a 40 yr old guy and kinda new to learning names for all things related to connecting with a people on a more personal level emotionally. I've always been a "I've got a job to do person" but lost so many along the way.. I don't want to live like that any more so this was an incredible eye opener. Thank you, I wish our parents had these skills to teach us
I’m 23 minutes in and this is one of the most exciting videos I’ve watched in a long time I can’t wait to finish it I’ve seen Andrew plus DeMonte before on a couple of shows but this one in particular is very interesting to me. Thanks for doing it. I’m a new subscriber by the way.
terrific conversation. I'm not into hitting on people, but my job demands rapport-building and elicitation of information from vulnerable ppl at risk (not a field officer) and this is a really great teaching moment. I'm so grateful to both of you, great Q's and great answers. God bless you both and Thank You.
I have asperger syndrome and not surprisingly I didn’t get a lick of what in the hell was being discussed here. It’s a special kind of pain knowing I will most likely live the rest of my life and die not knowing the first thing about this subject. although I am ok with it, it still hurts whenever I see stuff like this.
First get out of your comfort zone until you are comfortable in most situations. I recommend talking to strippers. Remember they are out for your money. But it gets nervousness out of the way. Very rarely you will get a number. RARELY!
Good Lord, now I understand y’all so much better. Don’t listen to these boys. When they are talking about women, they are truly only discussing their own beliefs. If you believe this and these come it will be FOR YOU! 😂
Here is how it works : Me = perfect, normal, good. Other people = Fucked up, out to get you, weird, not normal etc. Women go for men who are social parasites (bad boys that do not contribute to society at all) This is all you need to know.
This ex-CIA guest really impressed me. Extremely intelligent, extremely articulate, extremely likable, extremely empathetic.......and extremely dangerous i am sure under the above traits, as part of his training.
Most people that think they are narcissists usually are not your confusing that most likely with the fact that narcissists don't seem to care either. It's a different condition and I think they are mutually exclusive
@@darrylkassle361 I agree 100%. A virus ripped through my brain some years ago. It was tearing apart the place that stored the versions of me. One version that seemed like the real me had been in an abyss of infinite nothingness, then was returned. But it stills feels like I have no soul or love. Dogs fear me when they see me.
Exactly. Sadly, men are taught that women are like prey that need to be stalked, tricked or coerced into doing what may against her own best interests. It would be nice if men and women could just treat each other with mutual respect as human beings instead of all these manipulative games. Haven't we evolved beyond this yet?
Right there in minute 26 Andrew! I had a general understanding and ability but that is a solid gold mission statement. -Matt’s dad “Passed out of a world I was in, I’m back on the chain gang.” But armed with truth.
This modality and approach is something that actors use in organic authenticity. Actors are a mixed bag of emotions from accumulated experiences. The way to be confident is not to ignore the insecurities and fears, anxieties, but to observe them and allow them and utilize them if they fit. Taking a step further is to admit it; takes the power away by not having to shield vulnerability with emotional defense mechanisms in order to have the openness and authenticity to act. When I walk into a casting and I'm asked how I am, depending how I feel, I can say a little anxious, or excited- but then add: about the same as most actors coming in for a casting- I say this OFF-CAMERA. Many casting people will ask why I'm anxious. Simply letting them know it's my process to reach vulnerability is all that's necessary and opens the doors of suggestion and mutual creativity. I'm frequently called in by the same casting people to the degree that I no longer have to say this anymore. Now we chat and talk about their lives!
You start with the “target”. From my perspective(my box), and my perception in watching you both is too contrived. What if you meet “without contrivance”. Just two people having a conversation and just let your head, heart and body do the info gathering. Setting and then being aware of your boundaries and holding them will protect you. You are working too hard guys. Relax. You are operating as apex predators and women your prey. I do not respond well to that as a woman. Thanks tho’ if this is who you are then this was revelatory for me. Thanks.
Wow - I can't believe how good this was. Might be the most helpful thing I've seen in regard to dating, but this information can be used beyond just dating. This is just very intelligent and useful advice on how to interact with people in general, for more than just dating. But the key that it drives home which other "dating" videos don't is the part about approaching with the intention of assessing instead of being in your own head - think about them, not your own box, because your box doesn't matter, it's their box that does. It is actually a very simple idea but so hard to see it till it's pointed out, as this video does really well.
@@timothyacker8686 CIA specifically hires people with sociopathy and borderline sociapathy traits. Look up John Kariaku ex CIA saying why they hire sociopaths.
@@timothyacker8686no for real, he's right. Reading between the lines (listening to what's not being said) to get more information. I'd post the video, but there was a psychologist talking about this very thing regarding psychopaths. The only difference is the way they're using these communication skills. They use them malevolently, to manipulate. It's good to have these skills, especially when you really care about someone and want to have a relationship, as they'll know that you get them, and are really interested in them as a person. It's all about your intentions. But yeah, psychopaths are just gathering data (using stuff like this, maybe not not verbatim) to use against you.
Great interview. I would be skeptical though of any system based on MBTI. Personality psychologists (e.g., Jordan Peterson) say it has no predictive value and that the Big 5 model is the one used in academia. It makes sense that the government would use an outdated system.
mbti and big 5 is almost the same. you can say the big 5 result if u have the mbti and vice versa. e.g. neuroticism and turbulent, it's very similar. both use 5 characteristics to describe a person
@@TheFpskiller Idk. Here are two vids of Jordan Peterson talking about it: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-T5WWnZHc6nU.html ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-T5WWnZHc6nU.html&pp=ygUcbXllcnMgYnJpZ2dzIGpvcmRhbiBwZXRlcnNvbg%3D%3D Not saying the guy is right about everything but this is his area of specialty - pscychometrics, Personality, IQ, etc.
@@guernica69at least he wasn’t at least initially in the public eye for profits unlike these two gentlemen. MBTI is crap in terms of practical use but it is valid and the J P stuff is quite real
1:14:29 this makes a lot of sense. I’ve been doing boxing almost my whole life and this is a real thing. It’s kind of like playing chess, you have to think ahead and create these scenarios to execute the plan
Excellent , thank you both . i was invited to a secret agency before now i know why . Also explains why i feel so different from everybody else. god bless you.
The key to an actual life worth living , is authenticity. Not being a fake manipulative, coersive, insecure , ass kiss - loser. Don't let anyone try to abuse it out of you. Let them know WHAT'S UP. 😁
Rather than having any interest in "how to read a woman's mind" (why would I I've been married for 40 years ?), I was curious as to what skillset one would have to have to accomplish such a feat. The simple answer (according to this video) is training in the field of manipulation, which would include but not be limited to having an understanding of basic sociology and then apply the proper responses. And who best to turn to than one who might be trained professionally than a Spook (respectfully speaking)? Not trying to be critical understand, hats off to this guest, apparent honesty and above all his sacrifices & service to this country by all means. Thank you sir! Points I liked and found interesting range from the "three lives most people live" statement. Though I agree its true for the most part I don't fully embrace that for some I've known who're same in public as in private, and too his statement about "CIA operatives only have other operatives as friends, and you wouldn't take out for a beer". Though I'm sure after they've assest me thoroughly and found I've never met a stranger yet....we moved on from that... and the laughs would soon follow. (.....that or I might wake up in a barrel floating off the coast Brazil LOL) 😅
The real answer is because women have far more powerful emotional weapons than men, so men have always needed to find ways to work around them. This stuff isn't new at all, but has become mainstream thanks to certain trends in the real world.
@@WinglessRain Did you actually pose a question? In reality it’s men who are using “emotional weapons” to dismantle barriers that women keep up to navigate this weird, treacherous, dating environment
@@WinglessRain Nah. You’re off topic. My point is on men’s attention on dismantling women’s barriers. They do this because they know 9/10 they want something the women do not want.
Three Lives that we all have: 1. The Public Life, the life you want everyone to see; the life you want people to think you are; the fake you. 2. The Private Life; the real you to a certain extent. We need to lead with our Private Life. This this is the calming life, it allows or motivates others to connect with you. 3. The Secret Life; the place where only those closest to you see; this is the place where you hide.
The Japanese proverb goes “we wear 3 masks’’ similar to what u described but the 3rd mask is when you’re alone with your actions and thoughts. Interesting stuff…
Recommended author: John le Carre. Former British agent wrote several spy books with relationships as major background theme. Example: "Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy" (movie)
That "three lives" segment (24:32) has been better described as Public, Personal, and Private. Your Personal life is the one you share with those you love, who get to know you on a personal level. The Private life is the one that even they don't experience, because you keep it private. I've also heard it argued that you need to spend roughly balanced time in all three modes for your relationships to flourish.
Love this learning but I think I’m ahead of my time as a 48 yr old single female who previously had experience from a toxic narcissist relationship. Just recently I decided to go out on a date after staying single for the past 5 years to focus on myself and the 60 year old I learned in the first 15 minutes of the dinner date it was all about him, he was not over exes at all, and all he wanted was sexual gratification. As soon as he asked me any questions and I went to reply by the time I spoke two or three words he’d cut me off in the middle of speaking I was like…. Yup your a self centered selfish arrogant judgemental needy rude overbearing person and that’s why you are alone that’s all I needed to know to say this isn’t for me 😂
Sorry to hear that I'm in Ohio my children's mother was also a narcissist thief and my children were taken from her I'm fighting for custody of them. Just keep your head up. FEAR acronym Face Everything And Rise
I have always thought perceivers were either a little weak or a little shady and this didn't change this much. Can't take a stand or gained advantage not standing for what you think. Still listening.
Having been on the receiving end of a major American security organisation, a woman regarded as an " asset", a mark , someone to be controlled and manipulated into a preferable position , I relation to him and his agency group, I can tellbyou that yes, they do train their people less very well. They do know all the moves, what to say , how to imitate emotion, when to run hot or cold, cone in hot then go cold....keep her guessing keep her hungry....get her sexually hot for him...all the right moves. He even told me a few times, quote" - I'm highly skilled at my job,". Yes. He was.....for a time.....but....but...the BUT was HUGE..... . And the loss was far greater than the gain. And the legacy he and they left in his wake, was unforgettable and unforgivable. One word. CRUEL. Deliberate. Conscious. Planned. Unforgettable. For all the wrong reasons.
It’s “damage control” / public relations- the CIA is the bane of all human existence, and has been since their inception. Soon to be no more- but they’re trying to polish the turd before it’s flushed
35:49 its amazing how peoples selflessness opens them up for amazing opportunities! It’s amazing how peoples selfishness is noticed right away and closes their opportunities
Yes because this is a hard listen...would love to hear all of this without the pickup aspect (he can dislike the term all he likes, that's what it is).
Yet, while a civilian AND no longer employed at CIA. He said during a recent podcast that he is away from his family quite often due to being on the road. But, he left CIA , even though no longer stationed overseas AND employment and stationed at CIA HQ.QUITE BECAUSE WOULD NOT HAVE TIME WITH FAMILY IF CONTINUED EMPLOYMENT AT CIA HQ. I must not have the complete picture but that is how I understand it. Go fiqure. How much accomidations must you have to rase a family. Nurses,pharmacists, firefighters, military service members, police officers, FBI, homeland security, etc have odd work schedules and some long work hours. Yet, raise decent children. Ones parenting skills have more to do with proper raising of children than an occasion work schedule irregularity.
Using false Yellow Lights draws the woman in to invest in you. She needs to invest, otherwise you'll just be a friend in her mind. What I mean is when you're using the technique of repeating the cycle of asking two questions followed by relating to her answers once, don't just try to relate to her answers - start to relate, but then give her a false yellow light to make her curious. She'll follow up by begging for you to explain the info you held back. That's emotional investment. It's called "open-ended looping" by the guys at UMP. They teach that to make a woman chase you conversationally, you need to introduce loops into the conversation. Integrating that with 2-Questions/1-RelatedStatement technique is the most effective use of looping. UMP is Ultimate Man Project. Their focus is on 50 Shades style conversational dominance. If all you do is connect without her investing in you, congratulations, you made a friend instead of a romantic interest. In the words of DJ Khaled, "Congratulations, you played yourself."
@@sali_salvator It's when you decide to not say what you were going to say. It's a cliff hanger. For example, you're telling her that you could tell she was from Texas because you saw her do something that reminded you of a girl you used to see who was from Texas. She's going to ask you all kinds of questions when you say that. It builds value, because it shows that you have experience with other women. And you can play hard to get and make her more curious to ask you more questions. When she asks more questions, that means she's investing in the conversation. That also means she's emotionally investing in you. Moreover, it means that you've successfully used a false yellow light, because you'll let her convince you to tell her the information you held back about the girl you used to see in Texas. But don't waste this opportunity - tell her that the girl in Texas was very submissive and adventurous and you could see that in her too. Tell her that you can tell she's from Texas, because she seems submissive and adventurous like the girl you used to see. If you do it right she'll quickly agree that she is submissive and adventurous. Now you've got her to accept your frame that she's submissive and adventurous, so she'll try to confirm that to prove she's not a liar. Never waste an opportunity to set a trap to let someone fall into a frame that's helpful to you. If you're getting consistent compliance on small things, then lying about what you expect her personality to be like will make her want to comply with your expectations of her. Especially if you frame your expectation of her being submissive and adventurous as good things that make her a good person. You created that trap for her when you made her pull that information out of you, so she invested and got you to open up your yellow light. Little does she know, it was a trap, and it was never a real yellow light for you. It was a false yellow light. Does that make sense now?
Ive picked up on these skills within the past year better than I ever have. Years of trying to understand women by myself. What works and what doesnt. Theyre right about talking about them. It will get your further. Also being in a toxic political work environment youll learn stuff like this.
Interesting. I took the MBTI years ago, then researched it and found that I was a solid P (perceiver) and also figured out how all that stuff works...well for me anyway. And realized...a P should never match up with a J... And a whole bunch of other twists... This is the first I have heard of a guy that agrees with what I figures out then for relationships. I should have known this early in life...they should teach it in High School...
@@angryktulhu As @Blinkerd00d said, it is a way of generally categorizing. It is not an exact science, and can never be since people vary a lot making 'exact' impossible. And you can't spell nor provide factual information.
12-30-23 In the party situations I I figured out many of these things. I used to teach others in the street how to handle police, gangs, other partiers, etc. how to sit down and review memories of success and failure before going out. How to appear different to police with prolonged stay in an area. Decide on how much violence to use in an area so as not to attract police. How to exist visibly in an area and establish credibility with locals as you observe all things. Access yourself and others in each environment. How to talk to different levels of people. When to give in to police and leave. When to back the police down and make them leave. How to make the police feel safe in your presense by asking them to frisk you in public. This gives you more credibility with people passing by, etc.and so much more I learned. How to act drunk or high around drug people because you target is in that group. How to blend and be accepted while you watch others responses to conversations. When to fight and when to safely lose a fight and gain a tough guy as a friend for down the road use. Creating an impromptu safe house that you can show up to without being asked questions. How to evade police and when to politely cooperate with them so as not to get arrested. How to test people in a groups intentions and strangers from a distance following you on foot at night in a gang area. ConversationAl skills, fighting skills, observation skills, planning and immediate in the field skills. Assessment skills, psychology trying, I’m one of you training, when to abort a mission, by sitting, walking, or running, car tactics, where are street cameras, . All this for picking up skills. How to dress for silent movement in the street. New area tactics. Carry multiple clothes for different looks. Police only see you from chest up in your car. Change looks when going on foot. Put on glasses or take off. Different shirt. Different body language in same area . When to be soft and when to be aggressive to strangers. How to feel the Environment. Sounds speed of moving things . People , traffic , time, etc. how to get the police on your side and make them do stuff in their interests that helps you. How to drive out competition by acting like a gangster or psycho.
Hey Brian. This was a great video. Could you do a breakdown of or an interview with Russel brand. He really opens up to other people and I'd like to hear your thoughts.
Lol, I'm gay, and when I was under 60 all sorts of beautiful womeen showed interest me. I gess because I had no end goal in mind. I was brought up to respect every human being but that did not mean being a pleaser at all. If you want a beutiful woman to want you don't care. Just relate. Everyone, every woman has a fascinating story.
What benefit is this in reality? China is going to do whatever they want regardless of what the CIA says or does. They can build 5 nukes or 500 nukes, doesn’t matter.
Though I appreciate his knowledge, as a woman I find it both sad and laughable how most conversations on "how to talk to/get a woman" revolve around men pretending to like us, basically humanizing us for as long as it takes so they can get what they want, whether that's a kiss, sex, marriage, or whatever. If I could reach at least one sincere man out there who's just genuinely a bit clueless, I'd say: don't go out there trying to "get" the girl you'll be proud to be seen with (essentially looking for validation of other men). Be a good person who's true to yourself and put yourself in situations where you can connect with people who'll resonate with you, through hobbies, friends of friends etc. If you fall for this crap of playing mind games to get over your own insecurities, you won't build a genuine connection with anyone.
@@janettetorrez9218 Sure, go ahead and see if pretending not to like someone will lead you to a fulfilling relationship. It's truly insane how so many men think most women are conceited based on the representation of 1% of women in media that "have it all" (good looks and desirability). The vast majority of us isn't getting any praise, are bombarded with messages that makes us insecure from a very young age, and so on and so on. Misogyny is literally everywhere. If you think that men wanting to have sex with us (basically viewing us as a sex objects) is an advantage, think again, it couldn't be further from that. It's dehumanizing.
@@janettetorrez9218 You're not getting the point either--you're still pretending to get something you want rather than just living in the moment and seeing if you actually even have a connection to begin with or not. It's not about playing a game if you're looking for something real. Most people just aren't looking for something real, they are looking to check a box in life. It's pretty sad.
@@janettetorrez9218 Thanks for mansplaining something I was conditioned to understand from as young as 6: "hE oNLy dOeS tHis bECauSe hE LiKeS yOU" My point was how about you men stop playing mental games altogether and focus on being an actual good man that a woman feels safe around? Your problem is that you guys pretend and pretend, by showing too much or too little affection, to manipulate women towards you. Just be genuinely interested in her and if she doesn't reciprocate, move the f on. It just seems that most of yall dont want an actual connection, treating women as if we're an entirely different species that you can't relate to on any level, that's why you need to resort to this manipulative bs.
What about the number of women who realize how trapped men become with 80% of divorce started by females resulting in them getting 90% or more of cash/prizes/custody? Who's playing who?!
When he alluded to inspiring the painter to paint again and giving him all the credit for providing him the lost inspiration to rediscover his passion and Andrew saying that that is the key to the kingdom that they're looking for, when this happens with foreign government officials, I would think our United States government would be willing to roll out the red carpet and allow them to defect to our country and make it worth their while so that if the deal breaker was getting hung by their own foreign government well then that would ensure that they get what they want but I'm sure they're good enough to probably do that where like you said they would even be willing to be hung for it which is a powerful thing to think about. I'm just curious about those ones that are on the fence that wouldn't play ball knowing the stakes but would if our government was willing to give them a handout and a place to defect to and a new life in our country if they felt it was worth the information? Spycraft really is a litmus test of the human experience and is extremely interesting to me at all angles. This is a great interview/conversation. That 66% or two to one ratio about keeping them talking about themselves versus yourself in order to get your agenda through is a profoundly simplex philosophy. It seems like all the things when it comes down to it that are effective are actually very simple.
What about the concept of guarding your own intent. What is the potential quality of a relationship if one's intent is manipulation to get what you want rather than honest friendship or shared fun.
I'm only halfway through the video so if you asked this question nevermind, but i love this convo.. So my question to him is how do he react when he's talking to someone and he realizes they have the same skill set as him
40+ years as a long distance trucker more than covers all of these needs to be the person needed depending on area, surroundings and then the instant analysis of people. These indicators prepares you for having the same attitude as a majority of people your about to deal with, ones in the area box they are in youve injected yourself into. For some of us drivers we can even adapt down to a passable need to have the slang and accent of the area entered into down. JOIN THE GAME...PLAY THAT GAME...BE THE GAME...SURVIVE THE GAME...""ENJOY"" THE GAME😉
Nice comes from the Latin word nescius ("ignorant"), which is also the origin of a lesser-known English word, nescience ("ignorance"). The word took a trip from Latin through Old French and Middle English before ending up in Modern English. Kind and nice are 2 different things.
Collateral damage exposure and ripple effect studies, they do consider the negative effects of everything so much so , 98% success rate tells us, CIA master plans almost go exactly according to plan every time with the expected positive and negative results, now depending on mission, and public and professional opinions being the only variant to, decisions are always initiated when the positive result out weighs the negative risk and result, like any plan
