How the worst moments in our lives make us who we are | Andrew Solomon 

*"We can endure great pain if we believe it's purposeful"* Powerful thought.

“If you were little I would be your friend” I don’t have words

I almost burst into tears when he said his kid's speech. Children are so pure.

"The pain you feel today, will be the strength you feel later on."

*"We cannot bear a pointless torment : but we can endure great pain if we believe that it's purposeful."*

He speaks so poetically...

I could listen to this man talk ALL DAY. He is an amazing story-teller.

I did not expect to get teary after that "If daddy was my age I'd be your friend" moment. Goddamn that was well put

“Forging meaning and building identity does not make what was wrong right, it only makes what’s was wrong, precious”.

"It took an identity to save me from my sadness." I just burst into tears.

I cried when he said that his Son would be his friend. He earned his happiness and he deserves it.

"If you banish the dragons, you banish the heroes"

I love life for people like you.

This is no doubt one of my very favourite TED talks, if not my very favourite

" If I succeed in sheltering them from adversity I will have failed as a parent." 🙇🏾‍♀️

That has to be the most insightful and thought-provoking TED speech I've ever heard. His words concise, yet their inherent meanings pierce deeply. From the ashes of adversity came a man of outstanding character, razor-sharp wit, broad knowledge and heartfelt compassion, and that man is Andrew Solomon. If only God would bless the world with more people who think, feel and love as deeply as he does, humanity would be better off for it.

"Forge meaning, build identity and then invite the world to share your joy"

Wow amazing speach! (this is my storry and im norwegian so sorry for any bad grammar) I had a rough start to my life with adoption to different families because my dad was a drunk and my mother overdozed on drugs when I was only a baby.. When I finaly got to my new family (I started living with them at the age of 4 and still look at them as my real family) my new mother was hit with brain canser and my new dad went into a depresion... Life was rough and I saw little to no meaning and I messed up in school at so many levels. I then at the age of 16 talked to my friends brother who was a "shrink" and I told him everything. What he said to me changed my life compleetly! I was expecting him to feel sorry for me, but he said: Thats beautiful! I was shocked and got a bit mad, then he explained it to me: The fact that you have felt so much pain, anger and despair but you are still here today is amazing and a good thing! You have learnd more about pain and feelings then I can ever do in any book! This changed my life, im not sad because of the bad things, im happy I endured it, becuase it forged me into who I am today! I understand my friends pain better then many and I developed a great understanding of empathy! I now just finished colage and I'm now working with troubled children in kindergarden! I dont think I would have become anything close to this if my life was different. Thanks for reading this and do not feel sorry for me in any way! :) My "new" mom survived the canser, and my dad is no longer depressed!

"I tend to find the ecstasy hidden in ordinary joys, because I did not expect those joys to be ordinary to me." I can go through periods of intense depression, and this quote sums up exactly how I feel when I am thriving and not in its grips.

The story about George's speech is so beautiful, I cried. "If you were little, I would be your friend. " that's the sweetest thing I have heard for a long time. Thank you. George.

He is my favorite TED speaker to the date.

Andrew Solomon you are a beautiful being and spoke so eloquently. Thank you for your insights.

I have never heard anyone be so articulate and clear spoken. Truly amazing and touching talk.

"Far from the tree" is his book. Andrew Solomon is a brilliant man.

A young person once gravely wounded my father for a lifetime calling him 'a real nothing' something he carried at a primal level his entire lifetime. Speaking at my father's funeral I noted his considerable legacy of raising a family and uplifting his community (knowing all the while his aching heart) I roared "he was a real something!"

"And I was finally unconditionally grateful for a life I'd once have done anything to change"

"We can endure great pain if we believe it is purposeful"

I like how he is very meditative in his thinking.

I wish that I can someday reach this level of maturity which I can talk about things I have been through proudly like he does , thank you Mr. Solomon

Every word he chooses is so purposeful, what a great speaker.

'there's always someone willing to confiscate your humanity'

I want to click the like button so hard my mouse breaks. I love this TedTalk, I have watched it three times now, and it is relevant for almost every person in this freaking world. Thank you, Andrew Solomon.

This completely moved me. Thank you Andrew Solomon, for making a difference in my life with your video. I will forge meaning, and build identity.

"After you've forged meaning, you need to incorporate that meaning into a new identity, you need to take the traumas and make them part of who you've come to be, and you need to fold the worst events of your life into a narrative of triumph. Evincing a better self, in response to things that have caused you hurt." "In the end, some of your greatest pains become your greatest strengths." -- Barrymore

One of the most eloquent and articulate speeches with a powerful message I've ever listened to.Thank you!

This man is my new hero. I was in tears by the end

I'm wallowing in the beauty of this wonderfully crafted story.

He has a very particular and discrete way of using inflections, somewhat strange but not in spite of eloquence and profound lucidity. The book he talks of is "Far From The Tree" very highly recommended, is refreshing as well as powerful, moving and full of wonderful insight.

I too am 50 and my grandson is 5. He says things that are not so much innocent but rather they are pure. He has no filters and it’s wonderful beyond imagining. Thank you for allowing me to be apart of your journey by viewing this talk. You are now a part of my journey, and I am blessed because of it. The fact that I am not gay means nothing, I felt alive listening to you, my mind filling with memories of childhood. Thank you

I loved, It is amazing. ..."Forge meaning, build identity. For when I am weak then I am strong . But if we banish the dragons we banish the heroes..."

I saw his last TEDtalks and always impressed by his talks, I've met people who wrote with such grace and poetry, but to hear someone speak it for more than 20 minutes is a true feat ~

Thank you to the Bobby Finkels in our lives.

Tears were welling up by the end. This was so powerful.

I really don't think I can express in words the gratitude that I believe Andrew Solomon deserves. The accuracy in which he expresses the complex mental state he so carefully and dutifully describes, has impacted me since the first time I'd watched his talk and continues to impact me MONTHS after. I am writing this because I had spent some time thinking about this TedTalk today, and it seriously brought tears to my eyes. I was profoundly touched. "Forge meaning, build identity.' WHAT A KEEN CHOICE OF WORDS! Indeed I am also a student of adversity, and today I was once again humbled by the Earth's magnitude, and it's sheer volume of struggle and hardship. Faced with a great pandemic, these are difficult times. One has to believe that one stands in the midst of history. Faced with my own personal afflictions, I remembered how calmly Andrew Solomon had put it. He quoted Saint Paul, 'Therefore, I take pleasure in infirmities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.' How timely! How relevant! The mind races. All came to mind. Many struggle, many suffer, and none of us are alone in it. I was relieved I had revisited my pain, that I had remembered Mr.Solomon's words, that I had thought of my fellow human, and that I appreciated the magnitude of the world's pain during these troubling times. I was humbled, and quite honestly, a bit guilty I found myself overflowing with joy and energy. I feel the energy to forge meaning, I feel the drive to build identity. I am once again ready to fight and I am grateful. I am once again ready to live out loud. I have come to appreciate so much, I am overwhelmed. I strive to do my part now, 'trounce hatred and expand everyone's lives'. I sincerely express my appreciation to Andrew Solomon. For your kind words, I will forever be in your debt. Thank you for being a wonderful thinker, and thank you for sharing a bit of yourself with all of us.

I come back to this video every 6 months or so for the last 6 years. Best tedtalk.

Andrew Solomon is simply incredible.

I love this glorious human being! He inspires me the way nobody has ever done in my life. I am 32 and have had a pretty tough life since I was a child. All my life I tried to 'find' meaning of all this suffering and find hope for keep induring a little more cause people always told me it was the only way to 'find happiness' one day. Who knew the suffering itself and as the result this beautiful, imperfect, from time to time depressive person who wasn't even aware of how 'happy' she was til this exact moment was the meaning of life all along. Thank you!

What a truly stunning person you are, Andrew Solomon!! I was so happy after I watched this, thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!

The school system is a traumatic experience and source of great suffering for many people. I keep hearing those stories and it is obvious to me that online learning is the future.

Andrew Solomon, I salute you for shining your light the way you are. You are one special human. It is such a pleasure to listen to you. Your delivery is poetic and deep, yet easy to digest and shoots straight to the heart. I am totally gripped every time I listen to you. Your children are lucky to have you as their guide. it is such a blessing that TED exists to get important messages such as these out there. Divine in too many ways to describe. Thank you.

He looks like sheldon cooper 20 years from now

Andrew, how lucky your son is to have such an incredible, compassionate and insightful father like you. He will be a great man someday and will forge his own meaning in this world, carrying all the precious lessons you have taught him in life, just like the one you taught me today. Thank you.

"What doesn't kill you, will try again later." Nicole Watterson

For me, one of the most brilliant speeches of all time. It touches me very much. Even though I am not gay. I always have goosebumps and tears. His struggles, I can understand very well. I also had a very hard time behind me. Thank God I survived it. They made me the person I am today. I am very happy about that. Even though I would have liked my past to have been more beautiful, more loving.

Beautiful, beautiful. This speech moved me to tears. What a beautiful man. Spoken so eloquently. With grace and insight. Thank you.

something about this man is kind of celestial. As if he were a member of a more gentle, developed race. His voice, the way he moves, how he lifts his beautyful eyes, and of course the truth in his words. its silly but he somehow remainded me a little bit of Mr.Spock. obviously he would be quite a different Mr.Spock, because he would embrace his humanhalf and his non-humanhalf would be based on love and wisdom instead of pure logic, but anyway there was a moment in his speach when he finally said the word:"enterprise",and i just cought my self thinking: dont leave us behind!

Wow.. what an amazing, confident speaker.

Shared an existential moment brilliantly. Hats off to you sir.

this will always be my go-to TED talk when I'm feeling lost. Have watched this multiple times but I still feel deeply throughout. ❤️

I believe that lack of ability to experience. Joy on any level is the definition of. Clinical depression. I see. Joy through the eyes of others experiencing joy is as close to. Joy as i get. But after 5o years of questioning life. I accept this and i m grateful.

Andrew, you're one of the most eloquent speakers I've ever heard. We simply never know what other people are going thru. Compassion and unconditional love is so important. I find you to be so genuine...you have kind eyes. I'm so glad I watched this...very powerful.

''If you banish the dragons, you banish the heros'' -Andrew Solomon (I guess) That moment in your life when you realise you would change anything so you would not take away that very thing that just change everythings is just so powerfull.

To have nothing in common with this speaker I somehow feel a personal connection with him. I love Ted Talks and I can honestly say his Talk is by far my favorite. Thank you, sir. I wrote down several things you said because it was so honest and relevant to me and I know in the future as I go back and revisit your words of wisdom I will be as inspired as when I heard it now for the first time. And as a overweight child I believe with my whole heart you would have been my friend then...

The rough patches I went through have made me a stronger person, and if someone gave me the chance to go back and make them never happen I wouldnt do it, I learned to identify toxic traits in people close to me and cut them off, I learned to stand up for myself, I learned a lot and I never want to forget that pain, not because I'm angry at the people and events that caused it but because that pain made stronger, I wouldnt be who I am today if I hadn't gone through it

Bear injury, bear pain....You will be one of the strongest wall ever built and take awards that can hardly given by any organisations in the world.....great speech and a good man...kudos.

this resonates very powerfully with me

This is probably the best TED talk I've seen.

As I listened to him I couldn't help but think about Chadwick Boseman. He lived his life with purpose despite his cancer diagnosis. He didn't let this terrible disease become his identity but continued to inspire and provide a wonderful legacy for his family and fans to cherish.

Every so often I have to revisit Mr. Solomon's talks to remind myself what eloquence, poignancy, and sincerity look like.

I can't help but to shed tears listening to this but at the same time feeling overjoyed.

"if you were little, i'd be your friend. " I couldn't hold back my tears

This is the best TED talk I've ever heard. Simply beautiful. And what a powerful message

Bless his heart, that speech was incredible and his smile in the end after the standing ovation made me so happy

I am watching this ted talk for the fourth time now and I could cry every time he talks about how he has been picked on. This is by far the most inspiring ted talk I've seen so far. I think people who are depressed are much closer to their soul and heart, are much more grateful. So am I .

dude thsi guy is beyond eloquent

"That which does not kill us makes us stronger." - Friedrich Nietzsche

I’ve watched this talk maybe 5 times in the past few years and find myself revisiting it in the wake of my grandmother’s death of Covid-19. I’m taking notes and am grateful for Andrew Solomon’s insight and wisdom.

When you have experienced deep suffering, little things can suddenly make you incredibly happy. A hug, a perfect slice of pie, getting into a comfortable position with less pain than is typical-all these things can make a person deeply grateful, even euphoric. Learning to appreciate the little things can greatly improve one's quality of life, and is something anyone can do if they try. When you go to bed at night, go over in your head all the little things that happened that day (this can have the added benefit of stopping racing thoughts!).

The best Ted talk I have ever listened to!

Very powerful talk. I definitely empathize with him as this one hits close to home.

I really thought I was gonna start crying... I was bullied in middle school for being an ugly nerd in a lousy financial situation... Therefore this is exactly the message I have for the kids I know that are currently in a similar situation! We cannot change the past, but we can use the experience, and try to make a better world, day by day, person by person!

A fat tear rolled down my cheek when he spoke about his son's speech. Thank you for this amazing content.

"Oppression breeds the power to oppose it" my millennial vocabulary permits me only to say, "I am shook"

Andrew. You are a beautiful person. God bless you and your family. Thanks. You made me cry. Haven’t cried in years. ❤️

I never thought about forging meaning, I just assumed I had to find it. This is a totally different way of looking at it, and it might change a lot of things in my life. Thank you!

As one author of an evolutionary hypothesis about the adaptive function of minor and major unipolar depression, I found the message of this talk especially interesting and, as I'll explain bellow, ironic. I prefer to call the above-mentioned theory about the important role of depression in human social life the "niche change hypothesis," but it also is referred to more generally as the social navigation or bargaining hypothesis. In his famous book and his impassioned TED talk on the subject of depression, Solomon flat out denies the possibility that it has adaptive significance. He shows no interest in even encouraging the scientific testing of such an hypothesis. I was recently made aware of this newer TED talk by Solomon. I agree without reservation that it is an admirable, articulate, and substantive sharing of his life experience which I found moving and inspiring. I put Solomon pretty high on my list of human treasures. However, the talk clearly reveals, I think, that Solomon's harrowing experience with major depression, and his general formula for how to transform even terrible adversity into a pivotal source of personal growth, a formula that evidently was influenced by his journey through depression, is stunningly supportive of the niche change hypothesis; thus, for me, the irony. Let me briefly explain... The niche change hypothesis claims that depression in all its contingently escalating increasingly "debilitating" forms, is an evolutionary adaptation-of-last-resort to help a person badly trapped in a matrix of social contracts to get free of them, at least free enough to eradicate a socially-imposed mismatch between their true capacities for fitness-enhancing activity and their socially sanctioned opportunities. Note that as super-social creatures, humans depend on a system of social exchange contracts for their survival and well-being, which routinely translates into biological fitness. Niche change, by definition, involves heavily revising many if not all of the social exchange contracts one has, something that social partners, including loved ones, may not support. Indeed, they may very stubbornly resist such bids for change. But, for creative life-long learners like humans, niche change may commonly become a growing need. Conventional negotiations may fail to get you the concessions and support needed to implement niche change. Enter, contingently, depression. It here is hypothesized to conquer the resistance. For more see: biology.unm.edu/Biology/pwatson/public_html/dp1.htm Solomon's vivifying mantra, "forge meaning, build identity," which forms the center of gravity of his message in this talk, easily can be decoded vis-a'-vis the niche change hypothesis that he rejects. Solomon even helps us to do so in one part of the talk when he explicitly associates forging meaning with changing oneself, and building identity with changing the world. The part about "changing oneself," clearly in the context of Solomon's talk, entails finding a cause in line with one's values, that inspires, and that maximally engages and perhaps challenges one's growing personal and interpersonal capacities. That's the discovery of a new social niche! It may happen prior to or during a depression. It may never happen for some people without the ruminations that depression, at least in some of its phases, drives one to engage in. The part about "changing the world" would be the necessary element of obtaining needed social support for implementing the niche change. Again, this may involve changing lots of social partner's minds about what they want you to be doing with your life. Incidentally, part of the social support that depression drives one to seek could be help in completing the formulation or even the discovery of the niche change one needs and desires on a subconscious level. Anyway, without depression as a persuasive tool of last resort, many people may never garner the support they need to actualize their vision for their future lives. In this talk, Solomon seems to feel that he accomplished his forging of meaning and building of identity through sheer, intentional force of will, and totally in spite of his depression, which he regards as a disease. But, that may not be the case. He may never have come to be the person we are lucky enough to witness on stage these days if the putative adaptation of depression had not nudged him qualitatively to "up his game," indeed, to discover his game. Well, perhaps he does appreciate this at some level - as one of the introductory comments on the first pages of "The Noonday Demon" states, Solomon is "a man brave enough to say that he loves his depression because it helped him find his soul." Dr. Paul J. Watson Department of Biology University of New Mexico

I could listen to him talk all day, so poetic, so soothing and so wise

Andrew manages to bring tears to my eyes everytime

Andrew...you are becoming my favorite speaker. Your words are powerful. You tell a story like no one I've ever heard. Thank you for choosing your words so mindfully. You paint a picture I can't ever forget. I say bravo to you....For I'm just one captivated member of your audience. Simply and profoundly incredible. Beautiful. Amazing. We all have to raise our vibration so things like that don't matter bc we've transcended it. You Sir Andrew, are energy with grace. You're speaking of change we want to see in the world as we create heaven on earth. You're terrific. You make me cry, laugh, think, and feel.on a deep, deep level.

as a Muslim, I can relate to this so much... being hated and bullied so much almost every where I go. Getting those stares n frowns from ppl. It's tough. And I am sorry, as a practicing Muslim woman, that gay ppl are treated that way in so many places in the world. Who are we to judge? don't we have our own faults to work on and to improve? What gives us the right to judge if others are pure or not? :| Peace

I can relate to Andrew Solomon's childhood survival. He's amazing and articulate.

The story of his son at his birthday lit up my heart. What a beautiful moment. Thank you for sharing something so special!🥰

I'm crying... SO TRUE!

Gosh that made me cry, how uplifting.

His stories moved me beyond words. I saw a part of myself in his stories.

I have warched this three times in my life so far. Every time I cried at "If I were little, I'd be your friend."

this is so deep.. thanks for helping me talk myself out of suicide multiple times..

I am completely in awe of how conscious and enlightened this man is. He has changed my life.

This was one of the first TED talks I listened to when I was younger. Listening to it again, it holds a much deeper meaning. Thank you, Mr. Solomon.

Wow , one of the best speakers i've heard .