How to approach Sex with an Asexual partner 

Wow, this is my first time seeing a film that reflects a mixed asexual relationship with such accuracy. It hit me so hard as someone who discovered I was ace while in a serious long-term relationship. Especially the ending, and the discomfort and lack of resolution. That feeling where both people are unsure of if they enjoyed it or not, and it not being an easy thing to navigate. It’s so spot on with the reality of so many ace folks. Thanks for making this!

"it doesn't make you an evil person & it doesn't make them a liar" was REALLY helpful and powerful for me to hear because I constantly worry about 'pressuring' a partner that seems to be at the beginning of their journey understanding being ace.

This is just to say "Thank you". After having been struggling with sex in a 10-year relationship (wedding included) with a sexual woman, I instantly realised what the "problem" was when I watched the short film. Had it not been for this film, I doubt I would have found the courage to get it off my chest so fast. I told her about my recently discovered sexual orientation and showed her the film yesterday. I don't know what the future will bring as I am now perfectly aware of how difficult it must be for a sexual woman to be in a relationship with an asexual husband, but I can only but thank you for helping us to understand me better and for helping us to get rid of a great part of the anxiety that this situation was causing us. THANK YOU.

Everybody said how amazing and impactful the film and this conversation are and, while I couldn't agree more, nobody said anything about the colors in this video. Thank you for that too haha

Thank you for this! Being a demisexual myself with a very low libido is difficult when in mixed relationships. I feel like I have spent years trying to figure out myself and how to have a healthy relationship. But I still don't know all the answers. I find that to communicate whatever is being felt, and to stay honest to oneself and each other is the best way to start out when things are difficult.

that film really hits home, and as home, i mean some things that i heard from other asexuals and not-asexuals. i know that i'm demisexual ever since i was 15, with label and stuff, so i do know how to navigate the conversation, it's not something i hide, it's just how i worry if it's coming across to the other side. the idea of hurting someone i care about, making them feel bad over themselves, and not being able to do a lot about it, knowing that even if i tried to do something about it, i would have Chris' expression on the face, or even a panic attack. i can't even promise that sexual attraction will come or not definitely. it's a vague promise. that film kinda makes me cry because of it, it's seeing my biggest relationship-related fear on screen. it does help a lot to bring the subject up, and it's a really good film, i'm not complaining at all because i really liked it, but damn if it doesn't hit home hard. i have the biggest luck of having partners who understand and who i feel sexual attraction towards, they were the first people i felt it towards, but when i look to the future, i can't help but fear that loving other people might end up hurting them because of that part of me. (aaah, i'm sorry for rambling, it seems that everyone else said less than i did, don't mind me)

I'm so glad I came across this video. My wife came out recently as asexual. We've been married for 7 years. Throughout this whole time I thought there was something wrong with me and she thought there was something wrong with her. It wasn't until recently that she made this discovery about herself and since having the conversation with me, I feel like things have actually gotten a lot better mentally and romantically with us. It's almost like a burden has been lifted. At least that's how it feels for me and I'm noticing that difference in her. Those she doesn't like opening up as much about it as I do. After years of dealing with it, she's finally agreed to couples therapy, which I see as a step in the right direction. We are also having conversations and negotiating other options. I feel like anything I suggest is going to come off as selfish or incentive. Would you happen to know of any support groups for sexual people who are married an asexual partner? Do you know any support groups I can recommend to her? An online community is just fine. And, if we were to go into couples therapy together, what are some things you would suggest we ask or talk about? She's at the very beginning of this journey and I want to be at the Port of as I can for her. I have reassured her over and over that I have no intention on ending a marriage. I love her and I would do anything for her. Any helpful suggestions would be very appreciated :-)

This was so relatable yet hard tp watch for me. It mirrored a relationship that I was in. I'm asexual and that uncomfortable pressure around sex never went away with my ex. Neither of us happy or getting what we needed. Also the discussion of asexuality and the future of the relationship really hit home.

I am so pleased this film got made. I discovered I was ace while in a long-term relationship with an allosexual, and it's taken a lot of those careful conversations to help work out how we can best be together in ways that are fulfilling and authentic for both of us. I have never seen that complex frustration played out in a film before, and I think you captured it really well. Huge congrats

This was a fantastic film and conversation! I'm an aromantic asexual person, so it was admittedly an interesting watch for me. The aromantic side of me took much longer to learn about and accept because so much of my feelings were tied up in feelings of being unloveable because I was asexual and disabled. It was very confusing to know if my lack of romantic attraction was due to feelings or hurt or due to an inherent lack of interest. It makes me hurt for my asexual romantic friends-I can imagine how difficult this whole thing is!

Thank you from the bottom of my aesthetically attracted bi-romantic heart. Seriously. This film is how I was able to help my allo partner understand how I see things. It also helped him to open up to me about his physical needs. So thank you for making this film. Thank you for talking about this. It means so much to me.

Many thanks for putting together this resource on a very important and highly misunderstood topic. As an allosexual who has been in relationship with someone we eventually realized was asexual, I really appreciate many of the themes and dynamics you cover here. As you know, it's not easy for either partner; and your film illustrates some of the discomfort experienced on both sides. I really felt it on an emotional level. I'll be adding your films to a web resource list that accompanies a book I wrote: I Fell in Love with an Asexual: Navigating Needs Without Blame When You Like Sex, Your Partner Doesn't, & Asexuality Is a Possibility. I think many other people will be able to relate to your work, and film can reach people in ways that books alone cannot. I like how your interview covers some of the more nuanced points. Examples: Some people who identify as asexual enjoy sex, even though the majority don't (per the Asexual Census). Relationships where both partners are relatively clear about their orientations from the beginning are different from those where this is not initially clear. While it's a complex topic, you touched upon a number of the most important aspects. Many thanks!

If you're really into sex with somebody else, don't date somebody who's not into sex with somebody else as much as you are because you will end up feeling frustrated. There's nothing complicated about this issue. Don't make life complicated for yourself. If you're a guy who really likes sex and you find yourself in a potentially intimate situation with a girl who says she's not into sex with you, then you need to ask yourself what else you might be doing with your time especially in a culture wherein one wrong or misinterpreted word could have some very serious consequences indeed for you. You can be totally polite and respectful about it and then just move on.

Thank you for sharing! I've been describing libido without sexual attraction like being hungry but not finding any food appetizing.

I've only discovered this short film recently, and I'm in a relationship with someone who's ace/aro. Talking about the future is definitely hard, haha. A lot of this spoke to me, and I'm in the beginnings of my research and learning what being aro/ace really means to my significant other. Thank you for making this film, we're definitely watching this one together one night :).

Thank you for this, after watching the film and this interview I feel just so happy to hear that someone it's going through the same journey than myself, really hope more people can watch this. thank you

This was amazing. My wife is discovering that she may be asexual. We are trying to figire out where to go from here. It is difficult.

such a great conversation! Thank you so much for discussing the film and the topic!

This interview was amazing. The inspired and curated words hit me right where I needed in my journey. Thanks to everyone involved in making this happen! 💜

Hello little slices of cake on the table in the background!

This is such a good film/q and a! Im curious what the original ending was, after hearing that it was changed in this interview

Luv the film and luv more this conv! Thx u!! [A♦️] 🖤💜

Thank you so much for making this 💜

Thank you, Thank you Thank you, what an awesome film and discussion.

As someone who is certainly early in their asexual journey, this film was beautiful to watch and I absolutely loved the interview

I got close to 3 people that are asexual and im not. 1 did not communicate that fact to me. 2 gave me impression they were attracted they weren't. Its not that easy to see. I hadn't had a first kiss but was starting to have feelings for them.I felt very unhappy people 100 percent should honour their sexuality but it may not work if your wishes are different. Its not for me very sorry. I ended the relationship.

I can identify with both asexual and demisexual. I dont have a desire for sex at all but when I do I'm usually attracted to someone mindset and personality but don't necessarily have the need to have sex with them at all. I'm fine with being alone and im also polyandry. 🙂 I am just confusion I guess lol

Thank you for this! As someone who identifies as demi/gray with a fairly high libido, I tortured myself emotionally for years by not fitting into relationships and not understanding why... However, I was a bit disturbed that the male decided to go thru with having sex even though he clearly wasn't into it. That may be a reality for some, but I'm definitely not one to do that!

Wow - this is really enlightening. ❤️❤️

I just want to say this means so mucht to me as alloromanticace whose relationship just ended!

My wife is asexual it is extremely frustrating for me because theres nothing i want more than to give my wife pleasure, but she just lays there and she calls it her wifely duty, i dont want it to seem to be a chore for her

I have seen this film and it's so so amazing 👏👏❤❤❤❤

Well shit….this woman who is asexual has more relationships going on simultaneously than I’ve had in the last 20 years and I’m sexual. KMN🤦🏻‍♀️🤣

Thanks a lot, I was in a relationship with a wonderful person for 5 years but didn’t understand why having sex with him didn’t mean anything to me. He thought that he was unattractive but it was not true, just that I didn’t know which word to put on my feeling. Not being able to fulfill his need + him thinking that if I was not interested meant I didn’t trust him show that a asexual/sexual relationship is really difficult and not everyone can understand it and it’s sad. (And yes, in my case a breakup was inevitable)

My narcissistic asexual husband blames his asexuality on me, saying it’s my body that doesn’t feel good. And seeing me everyday prevents him from feeling anything sexual. But as far as I know, he’s been asexual since he was born and even when we were dating, his lack of sexual attraction towards me was a problem. A problem that he promised would change once we got married. Big sigh. 😭

I’m sex positive asexual. I see sex as a sport of sorts, only it’s not my preferred sport. It’s not that I’m can’t play it or don’t know how to. It’s not that I’ve never played it before either. It’s just that I have no passion to really play it on my own. But if my boyfriend really enjoys playing this sport with me, I’ll play, because it makes him happy, but only if I’m absolutely sure I’m ready to play the sport with him. I really only find enjoyment in his enjoyment. And I guess it feels good to get a little exercise too. But again, it’s not my preferred sport.

How do i find an asexual partner

Put simply, don't force someone sexual to be with you if you aren't. Set them free.

Este vídeo me hace bien al corazón, gracias 🫂

i'm just so frustrated that my self esteem is being knocked down bc my other is always saying no they dont want sex or cuddles or ANYTHING. dont touch me, dont love on me, dont try to get me going. and he just now came out that he is ace. after a year and a half. why should i be sexually starved bc i didnt know my partner was ace? im not addicted to sex but it does strengthen an emotional bond i have with my person, so without that and outright rejection or anything physical just makes me feel like i'm not worthy or attractive. wtf?

Hi, I am a sexual cis man and I have an asexual girlfriend. I know for a fact she still has libido (masturbation) but we never do sex together. We still cuddle and kiss, but that's it. At first I was completely fine with it, but as time goes (6 month now) I feel a bigger and bigger frustration in this. I don't want to sound selfish at all with this, but I'm wondering if it's normal that it only goes her way and that we don't "share" our sexualities like said in the video ? I really like her and I'm feeling more and more uncomfortable with this.

where i can watch full movie?

I thought I'm abnormal cause I also like this .. Thanks to the omegle tom lol

whoever an Asexual's partner is.. do they actually love to punish themselves? maybe they should look into why they're doing it to themselves? What's their trauma for staying in this kind of dynamic ? Anyone healthy would tend to walk away and preserve their own needs too

Talk about Asexuality if you want, but if you're in a sexually-active relationship and your partner won't have sex with you for longer than one month, then LEAVE! IMMEDIATELY! Notice that I said "won't" - it's a completely different situation if there is travel or medical issues or whatever... but if you're with someone who doesn't want to be with you and refuses to meet your sexual needs, then you're wasting your time and your life. Bad days don't always lead to bad weeks, but they often do. Bad weeks don't often lead to bad months, but they often do. Bad months almost always become bad years. Bad years almost always become bad decades. End the cycle before its too late - the sunken costs are gone anyway, but reclaim whatever can be salvaged with your life and livelihood. Trust me - I've lost 10 of my best years to the most useless wife imaginable.

She won't have sex with anyone, but she has 3 partners? If that means three friends that buy her stuff, then good for her... If that means a constant yearning for a partnership that she'll never find, then she should probably spend less time "dating" and more time in therapy...

If you’re asexual, be with other aces or be alone. Stop torturing normal people by pretending you love them a way you don’t, it’s mental abuse.

💜🖤🤍 as an aroace I enjoyed the film thanks so much!