Just started to break free from my controlling parents. It's been a long lonely road to take, but the high road is the only way cause the low road they want you into take is a trick.
WHA?? I’m don’t have to fix their feelings?? I don’t have to accept responsibility for the rainy weather? Maybe, just maybe, I am not required to be accountable to a family member. Only to my self.Thank you Terri. You have such a great perspective and precision in your delivery, I know I’ll want to take notes next time.
Thank you for sharing this, Terri. Hearing this makes me feel so much more validated with my experiences. As someone with an Asian parent, it’s difficult for me to communicate emotions. I used to throw tantrums when I had disagreements with them but have now internalised a lot of the anger and frustration to myself. Though I’ve worked steadily on improving my emotions, I feel that my parent is comfortable enough to not talk about mental health issues. They often dissuade my use of therapy by claiming it’s a financial burden on the family and just an outlet to talk shit about them. Usually I’m told that I’m just too emotional and I need to adjust to the negative comments because they have done “so much” and “everything” for me. Like your dad, they do enough to feel as if they’ve done everything but would not commit to any emotional/behavioural changes. I will definitely be working on your worksheet today and hopefully will gain the insight I need to handle this. Again, thank you so much.
Good luck on your journey to helthy emotional relations! Be persistent and trust your feelings. Dont let anyone belittle you for having emotional sensitivity! There is nothing wrong with you. All is wrong with the familiy system which made you feel inadequate because you do not tolerate psycho-violence. All the best! 🦋💚
My then husband once told me my dissatisfaction in our marriage was my fault because I was deciding to be unhappy. He said all I had to do was tell myself everything was fine and decide to be happy. But he was denying my feelings and telling me they were wrong or not real by saying that, and he was invalidating my concerns. It really messed with my head, but I knew he was wrong.
Add to that false confusion and befuddlement as a stalling/control tactic. My 80 yo mother likes to do this. It's infuriating. And it's just plain weird! When I called her out once she turned into a little girl and whined,'why are you picking on me?' ..and ran out of the room. This is a woman with two master's degreesloves the Opera and enjoys world travel whenever she likes. She is so DRAINING!
Please don't say that at least don't view it like this, some of your emotions were not regulated most like your care giver did not take the time to tell or manage this. There are time to feel guilt,remorse for exemple but if they were no specific conditions to it and you could be blamed at anytime you are going to be on alert and have a blind spot about it. It wasn't your fault but I am glad you are working on it.
I'm no longer a Christain I made a really good choice in my deconversion. I have some people in a church I talk to somewhat. I also stop going to prophetic word on you tube. I got sick of channels that had the title. "Do it to make your enemies happy". I could careless what those so called enemies was requesting of me and wanting to do. I'm so happy I do what's best for me and what makes me happy and if I have a No for something or a change of mind I have a right to make adjustments and changes in my life. I will not be controlled by others. It was very toxic. More importantly I'm sooo glad I'm single some people are so toxic and manipulative that they will divide your health and home believing they live their and have this entitlement when it comes to another person life, home,money and where your moving to and a toxic entitlement to knowing who your friends are and calling them up as if they need to be close and involved with your friendship. Toxic. I wouldn't take a dollar from Toxic manliptive family with the toxic motives to control and manliptive. You have no idea how betrayal has also involved them behind the scenes. Life can be better where you face the truth not all family needs to be the leaves in your family tree.
My Dad had money and helped me with rent after my marriage separation. The stipulation was that I don't bring up anything negative or challenge him in any way, that I stay quiet and sweet. The support ended when I addressed long held unspoken concerns regarding my childhood. I was an uneducated adult and had a minimum wage job, only 32 hrs/week and I could not afford the rent without his help. My rent wasn't a lot either. It made me homeless. As I continued to not do what Dad wanted to make him feel good about himself, he took further family money away from me and my family's future by disinheriting me. Punishment for non-compliance. I loved my Dad. I understood his pain and he broke my heart and my spirit. I'm doing better now though. Thanks Terri for addressing the money thing. It IS complicated. My Dad used it to reward and punish. I told my Dad the truth because I was brave and standing up for myself, and wanted an authentic relationship, but I'm not sure it was the right thing to do in the long run. I should have been less reactive and defensive. I shouldn't have tried to obtain my validation through him. I should have just stuck to topics we both enjoyed discussing, and worked on the psychology only on my side to heal myself. It isn't always worth it, confronting someone who CANNOT admit their fault, and does not want to look within. My dad died of a broken heart.
Terri - I love this video!! Anxiety is also a common emotion with covert manipulation, because there are many times hidden threats there. Anger - oh yes. BUT, wont people with psychosomatic issues have aches instead of feeling the anger? Headaches, back aches, sleeplessness, etc.? Please, would love more on this topic !!! -- My brother and his wife as well as my father use covert manipulation - I think. Their typical strategy is being late thereby shifting the situation to the time frame that they prefer although originally they did not disagree or a compromise had been created, yet they do no stick to the plan that had been discussed/agreed upon. They pretend to forget, pretend to not manage - its covery lying.
@@terri_cole After trying so hard to win her love, only to have GC brother bad mouth me to her, negating my attempts, I feel like whatever I do is futile - so “F” it. Since I was a teen making straight A’s, modeling - I became the bad “nasty” person. And probably still am to her. What’s the use🤷♀️. What does give me comfort now is knowing who I really am: this divine being - who’s always been divine - before any incarnation, storyline with this current family.
This is the first guide I have downloaded. Thank you so much for all your videos, Terri. They have been incredibly helpful for me beginning my journey to heal myself. Have you done the second video you referenced about worth? Hope you have a great Saturday
I have been feeling for years that 'something is off, but i cannot put my finger on it.' I FINALLY put my finger on it but the damage is intrinsically embedded at 52 years, i am so exhausted and overwhelmed and no one seems to really understand my father was the narcissist , it didn't compute with me so I see how others still don't get it. its so alone and frustrating, I have been battling insomnia for over 20 years. i feel like my body IS starting to shutting down. I lost 2 jobs and feel scared. Hopefully i might get in the hands of the right people to guide me out to thrive not just struggle to barely survive almost on my last leg. I am not young as I was and don't know how much longer i can do this. Dr's only push pills that do not help , for profit.
This is really interesting I’ve spent the last year making it an effort to know people s bad behaviour s who are unhealthy. 1. Person calls me fat and ugly because I won’t let them back in my life this is what this person does so I just laugh. 2 . Second person every time I feel great about myself they find a way to create drama in anyway possible . 3. Third person they get their friends to bully me . 4. Fourth person they protect their insecurities onto me . Yes that s what I’m going through we will do this for you financially but you need to do this that’s manipulation. So I haven’t spoken to them in over a month and I have peace . Money isn’t happiness they have money but they have insecurities. I’m trying to be more independent that’s my new goal and not ask them for anything. I know my family will never support my goals they only support my brothers I’ve excepted this . I’ve come to terms with this .
Thank you for sharing, Janna ❤️ That sounds so tough. You're right, though- money with strings attached can often be manipulative. I've seen many therapy clients be coercively controlled via money.
That's why I never rely on anyone for money, specifically family. If someone wants to give me money, I thank them but I don't ask or expect it. I'd rather work for my monies. But also, fuck capitalism. My family would totally use it against me if I asked for financial help...
I have let my parents manipulate me ever since I was 18 years old and now live life with nothing but regrets! I'm a 40 year old man who has never left his childhood home, I have no confidence, no esteem, no self worth and no self love 😭😭😭😭 it's like why did my parents have me?
I'm holding space for you with SO much compassion ❤️ Keep in mind that it's never too late to change your dynamic with your parents. Keep growing, and I'll be cheering you on along the way!
