How To Be A Better Parent Without Yelling 

1. Be clear on what you control and what you don’t control. 2. Calm voice, Calm face, Calm body 3. Give them two choices 4. Separate the emotion from the discipline 5. Remember your job...love them! Excellent advice I just shared it with my favorite people! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Thank you a thousand times. I could cry. I was abused as a child and am trying so hard to be a good parent without yelling and falling apart. This helps. I wrote it down to remind myself.

“Separate emotion from the discipline” brilliant! 👌

My eyes are watering. I watched this about a year ago when my daughter was turning 2. Now she’s turning 3 and holy hell, I needed this now more than ever 😩😩 “remember your job…” “your job is to love them” broke my heart…. Absolutely true.

- Don't let them see that they can control your emotions. - When parents are smiling, kids are thinking. - Give them a solid, stable presence. Super helpful. Thank you!

I can relate 100% Kids went into a fight. I stormed in to break the fight. I am looking at myself shouting in there, them shouting, thinking wth am i doing?! And a blissful moment of enlightenment came upon me: this situation needs at least one calm rational adult. Which one am i? I also wanna brag now about one situation i handled successfully. The kids were, again, fighting over something. Both of them were yelling .. i was in the kitchen. Cooking i guess.. i took a chair from the kitchen and came into their room, put the chair down and sat on it. When i sat down they quit fighting and asked me what i was doing. Like, what are you doing mom here with that chair? I just told them to go on with fighting, i only came to watch... i didnt tell them anything else. They were completely thrown aback. They even forgot what the fight was about. I was glowing. Ha!! Told them, it's ok... go on... dont let yourselves get distracted by me.. ..........this was the funniest situation i ever had with my kids. They all of a sudden shifted their attitudes into more 'mature' boys, who think their mom was NUTS. They were 9 and 7.. i still laught every time i remember that.. the looks on their faces when they saw me break a routine I could go on and on... the tricks they've tried to pull on me... but i was always a sneaky mom and got myself a leg up because of it. Two boys. 10 and 12. Together in their room. I was, again, doing chores in the house. Silence... ? Then i heared a loud bang and a faint moan coming from their room. I didnt react immediately. But then i heard another one, and another. So i came very quietly to their door to sneak a peek at what was happening in there. You wont believe this! They were both relaxing, each on their bed, one was reading, or at least he was looking into a book, and the other was watching something on a tablet. Communicating only by the sounds they were making. One of them would make a banging sound another would go ooouch... all very convincing. And i saw it. They never saw me seeing it. I had to keep myself very hard from laughing. Went back to my routine.. if i reacted they way they expected me to react, they would make a fool out of me right there Every day they think up and try to pull pranks on me.. some are funny some are not... but.. at the end of the day if you ask me, could i ever choose btw a life of leisure and pleasure and them, i just couldnt pick the leisure.. bc i would worry too much about them ..it would not be pleasure.. so until they can take care of themselves alone i can not be at ease anywhere.. even in heaven

"Maintaining a calm face, a calm voice, a calm body" ,I love this. Thanks for sharing.

Learning to separate emotion from discipline is a big one for me! 👍

I am really having a difficult time with yelling and defiance. I have been listening to your videos and reading books and nothing is helping. It was definitely ingrained from childhood. It's so stressful!

Dr. Paul thanks for the videos. I was talking with my husband and telling him about ,,calm face, calm voice, calm body,, and my daughter was around. And after a few days i get nervous about something and start to raise my voice on her. And she just say it calmly: mom, please, calm face, calm voice, calm body. Hahahah i couldn't stop laughing. It was like i listen some of your videos 😊

I am not alone being such a parent with the similar problem but feel bad each time after yelling or saying something bad to kids. I almost forget that my first job is to love my kid. Thanks for this great video. Later my son would ask me： mon, may I ask you something, but please firstly promise that you won't reply to me loudly. At that moment, I feel shame about myself. I am happy to grow up with a better parent with my son too. Thank you all

My eight year old is (was) completely controlling my emotions. Thanking God for reminding me of the wisdom contained in these videos.

I so needed this video. My 5 year old son makes me loose control daily. I am going to put your tips in practice. Thank you 🙏

What living legend you are! Thank you tremendously.

I found a big help was when I led and directed my kids day. I allowed them choice where appropriate. But, instead of giving an instruction and walking off, I was present and if necessary hands on with the task at hand. The moment I stopped directing or leading, chaos insued. Or if they weren't cleaning up their room, I would say, 'oh, I see you're having trouble cleaning up you're room how about you pick up 5 pieces of trash for me and put them in the bin? Then 5 toys, then 5 pieces of dirty clothes etc. 1or, I'd turn it into a race. Whoever gets their part of the room tidied up first, wins. So much less streß and the kids love it. ☺️

Brilliant! Thank you Dr.Paul.!

Thank you sooooo much Dr. Paul!!! So spot on, and yes our job is to love them♡♡♡

Dr.Paul always waiting for this kind of video,thank you for sharing with us.😊😊😊

Thank you for these wonderful videos! From the bottom of my heart!

Thank you so much Dr. Paul! I'm a new subscriber, binge watching your videos. They have already made a tremendous impact on my parenting and my children's behavior. I'm hoping my husband(who grew up without a dad- and was mostly raised by his older sister while mom worked hard to provide) will soon be on board with watching and discussing the tips you give. I've read some harsh, petty, somewhat crazy comments on your videos, but when you come across those, I want you to remember that you REALLY are making a difference in thousands of little lives and I for one pray God's richest blessings on your ministry!

Excellent, just what I needed...

Thank you Dr. Your advice is very touching and realistic. I appreciate it. I’ll be applying these tips!

I absolutely love these tips and I so appreciate your videos! Thank you Dr Paul!!!

Thank you for the tips.

Can u explain your technique for discipline in public. I don’t know if it’s a sensory issue but my 4 yr old always acts up in public but rarely at home. I feel helpless because obviously I don’t wanna yell or seem like a monster who is dragging her kid and all that ... So how do respond in public when everyone is looking? And I can’t just leave like the doctors office etc

Dr. Paul, thank you for this video. This is amazing.

Thank you for helping!

I am going to practice calm voice calm face calm body,,,,I can do this,I want to be a good mom,I really do,being a good mom is my biggest dream,the first thing to control is to stop yelling.

You are so great. Wow ❤. Thank you

I love all of your videos. This one in particular brought tears to my eyes at the end... where you thanked me for being a loving parent. I truly do love my children and I am so grateful for them. Thanks for your kind words and great tips!

thank you very much Dr. Paul for another valuable directions you gave us within this video.

Brilliant talk! I’ve got many points which I need to apply to my daily behaviour with my kids. I’m glad I came across this video.

Thank you so much Dr Paul! I'm not a parent yet but currently babysitting my nephew. Sometimes he just dont listen to me and starts crying when i dont do as he want.

Thank you so much! That’s was a big help. I feel so bad when I yell at my 7 year old daughter just to get her to get dressed, pick up after herself, etc.... yes my job is to love her no matter what or even if. And yes keeping the emotion out of the discipline. Thanks again!

So much wisdom ❤️

Thank you so much!!

Good and practical and sensible strategies! Thanks !

Listening to this on first day of school! thanks Dr.Paul

Great video. Thank you.

I love your videos, thank you.

This video really hit me down in my heart. I lose control constantly. This video reminds me that I can face these problems without losing control and also reminds me how much I love my kids.

You will never fail if you never give up. Remember to reflect and forgive yourself during life.

im so blessed to encounter your video tonight, as i felt really bad for putting my kid in immense pressure to excel in her school interviews, too much emotions tears, yelling, you can imagine.....i feel terrible i lost it.....i hope tomorrow i can wake up and be a better parent, hope the damage is not irreversible....im terrible.....thank you....may God bless you

Thank you so much 🌹

"Be careful who you trust" 🍁🍁🍁

Such a wonderful video Dr Paul ... love from Australia

i absolutley enjoy and use every video and advice. and to be honest it works as is should. thanks Doc

Grew up an a abusive household just trynna figure out how I can be the best father as possible

Thanks for your videos. Really helpful stuff! I've never even once yelled at my 5 year old. My wife thinks I'm too soft with him but I never believed that yelling at him helps in the long run. Great advice with the 2 choices also. Cheers!

Thanks for your words…

Thank you for the reminder that our job is to love them, no matter what.

My husband and I are oh so grateful for you're "choices" teachings! We've used them for awhile now and it transformed our kiddo.

This is power!

OMG Dr Paul! I just stumbled upon your channel. Thank you so much!!! 🥰🥰🥰

Your priceless gift have been guiding to be a better parent🙏🙏🙏🙏

Thank you for giving me hope and patience for my little ones. They deserve it. ❤

Thank you alwayz 😀 Stay amazing Dr. Paul 👍. Have a phenomenal day everyone filled with lots of unconditional lovez, light, and laughter 😊😘👍👍👍💖💕❤💙💝💫🌠🌟✨🔥🍀🌈☀🌈🌹🌼🌻🌸🎊🎉🎆🎶💰💵💰💵#BESTLIFEEVER

Very good talk. Thank you so much from this mom who has a second grader who is my fifth child but so different from the others and so much harder to figure out. 😊

Wow! My husband Abbachio could really use this guide, he’s always yelling at our youngest son Giorno.

THANK YOU FOR JUST BEING YOU! Your personality is a gift and it's so powerful to " Live on Purpose " ❤ your work has helped so many parents and Families. You are uplifting and inspiring. Your videos short sweet. GOD BLESS. THANKS AGAIN. Have a Happy Day!

I have been struggling with my 6, 7, 11 year old. This was exactly what I needed 👩‍👩‍👦‍👦

Thank you I'll put that into practice

Just have to say, this channel has helped so much on my parenting! Sure, I would have figured it out without, but now I have new ways to view situations and handle them, I can see it affecting our daily life! The one with giving a choice I picked up from another video and it really works (well, most of the time at least). Every parent should be presented with this!

Thank you so much for this video.. had a bad time with my 5 year old. Will try to be more calmer

5 suggestions that make families better. Thank you

"Meta-cognition is a made up word. We make up words in psychology because it makes us feel smart." I majored in Cognitive Science and I've never heard a more accurate description of literally everything I studied.

To be a good parent (especially for kids during their adolescence) you need to put yourself in their shoes. Teens are like miniature adults, they aren’t like kids who blindly follow their parents no questions asked. Kids that age don’t know any better, but teens possibly do. If you want them to obey you, then you must give good reason for everything you want them to do and for what you do to them. If you give them some valid reasons it’s likely they’ll listen to you, and trust me the "I’m your mother/father" never works. What you also need to know is to never yell. Yelling gets you no where and your child will just end up wanting to ignore you more or even yell back. It won’t make what your saying anymore clear. Now something to keep in mind for if you have more than one kids is that if they ever get into a fight, blaming or yelling at the one who you think is in the wrong won’t solve the problem. Instead think about how you can help the one harmed rather than shaming the one at fault. That’s about all I have to say.

Excellent

This dude is on point amen God bless this man

Thank you for this video Dr. Paul. I love my daughter even when she hates and pushes me away. I still take care of her even though I'm depressed of our situation. Thanks. I hope someday things will work out and will be okay.

Hi Dr.Paul! Thanks for another great video! The examples really help. I struggle the most with finding appropriate consequences that work. Does your parenting power up cover more of that? I admit to yelling sometimes and I always feel guilty because I wish I could have handled it better. I want to be a better example for them.

Thank u so much Dr Paul .it's really help me to make us better as parents. And I think we should teach ourselves before we teach our kids. It's like mould. Mould ourselves before we mould our kids.

I get angry so quickly and have no patience. I love my babies so much.. I need help.

I am not a parent but I am a teacher of 2-3 year - old - kids. I would say you help me a lot. Thank you for sharing.

Got the getting dressed scenario happened this morning and then your video showed up on my feed. Thank you so very much

Yes, yes! Finally!

Thx you great vedio

That is so true If love is not the basic of what we do it will never work

I needed this.

Thank you

Oh boy... I like Dr. Paul phrase love them no matter if. Of course every parent loves their kids and in other words it takes a lot of patience. I need that because every parents loves their kids when they listen and they still love their kids when they don't listen it's like a challenge love. My daughter 5 starts comparing herself with her little brother which is 2 like why I don't yell at him. That's what she sees.

Tank you very very much! Regards from Poland. 😊

Thank you for this video it really made my day after a gloomy day with my kids 💞💞💞

Genius dude

My son has adhd and I’m frustrated most of the time I get upset with myself by the way I react most of the time cause most of his behaviors is out of his control or mine

Thank you so much I feel a lot because I was yelling so much at my kids today because I was overwhelmed and stressed out. I feel like I failed as a parent. I’m so so tired because feel like I’m not getting much help from my partner. And most of the time I feel like it’s not my kids it’s me. I feel like they don’t listen to me and I get very overwhelmed. I want to be better. Calm voice, calm face calm body.

When you said that about the child thinking about the power they have over the adult, it made me wonder if that could lead to narcissism.

Can you make more videos anchored toward kids/teens?

I was asking my twins to go to bed in a serious voice but at last I decided to yell on the 4th time ...They listened at last when I shouted at them but my eldest daughter was weeping sadly in her bed when I did so .....what broke my heart was that when she asked me whether I love them or not

My oldest son is 5 and is currently in kindergarten. One day I received a call from his teaching, who said “your son isn’t listen, he has trouble following directions and keeping his hands to himself. He got his second recess privileges taken away and was in timeout while the teacher called me. I could feel my blood boil and at the same time i was questioning her. Are you sure it’s my son? I questioned her because my oldest is sweet, independent, extremely caring, and a bright minded boy. I ended up getting off work early to pick him to talk to him when school released. I asked him if he understand why he was in timeout at school and he took accountability and responsibility for his actions, which was great. He didn’t lie but the answers I got was “because” after asking why he stood on top of the table. I then expressed to the teachers my ex husband and I are divorced and my kids understand they are growing up in two homes. Both rules/responsibilities are the same in both homes for consistency. My son doesn’t show frustrating or anger issues. Then my brain immediately thought do i take him to the dr? Someone who can help with his behavioral issues? The principal? I was going insane with these thoughts. I took a deep breath and then asked the teacher if she would log in a notebook anytime she feels my son isn’t following directions or what actions led her to put him in timeout. We’ve been doing the notebook thing going on 3 weeks but it’s vague. “Your son need to work on listening and keeping his hands to himself” i talked to the teacher and told her myself and my ex husband can’t determine what trends we need to focus on with our oldest son if there’s lack of details. The teach huffed and puffed when i begged her to tel me examples of my son not keeping his hands to himself. Is he poking other kids? Pulling their shirt? I asked my son and he said he was playing tag in class with other kids. Sometimes he sees other kids perform and action and wants to copy what they are doing. I can’t monitor my son everyday ah in class and I’m trying to help which is why i brought up the notebook thing. The teacher then told me “the notebook isn’t working” and i told her as parents we don’t know how to help teach my son something I’d there are lack of details. Come to find out the notes were only coming from a teacher aid who would spend only 20 mins with my son. The notes weren’t from the main teacher. There are only 16-12 kids in her class. This teacher was a middle school teacher for 22 years and this is her first year teaching kindergarten. I feel like she’s giving up and expecting middle school expectations from my 5 yr old son. Another example the teacher gave me was “he’s bouncing off the walls”. I said what do you mean? You can’t say he’s bouncing off the walls when that isn’t possible. If he has too much energy or talking too much then say that. Then she elaborated after I was questioning her. My son doesn’t have a listening problem but i feel its more focus or obedience. As a new mom i have no idea who i help motivate this teacher to connect with my son. One method of teaching a kid may not work for another. Some kids are visual learns and some are hands on. Idk how else to get my son to raise his hand if he wants to speak or understand walking in the hall with the class you have to give personal space while keeping your hands to the side. The teacher threaten to send my son to the principal office but i feel like that’s punished him from learning when he’s meeting expectations in each subject. He just completed counting to 100 on his own. He loves the school work but the teacher gets so frustrated fast with my son and it makes me sad to know she isn’t taking as much time to figure out what works for my son and reverts to just calling me when she gives up. If my son didn’t get into a fight i don’t think the principal office is appropriate for my son. The teacher also things timeout isn’t working. Idk how to handle the teacher and still help my son on his focus and obedience skills and giving other kids personal space. I want to yell in frustration but that’s not best. How would you or other parents handle this?

I had trouble getting my first grader to take an afternoon nap, now i tell him would you like to take a nap or shall we go over your books again and revise. Works most afternoons, he's sleeping in 5 minutes

Thank you for the video, very helpful, however I have a request, can you make a video on activities that siblings do together to encourage teamwork?

THAT is my hardest thing to do. Separating the emotion from the discipline. That, and knowing how to discipline in the first place.

I'm frustrated because I feel like I have to yell.. I'm having a hard time asserting my words to what I'm actually frustrated about and have clear boundaries.. my job is to love them .. emotions aside from discipline and confident that I am doing a good job ♡

yes

So thankful for this. Almost falling apart over here

I was trained with this parenting method because my mom was passive and afraid to show aggression. I can attribute that it 100% doesn't work. 😂 All you're doing is teaching your kids to lie. The only way out and get what they want is saying "sure I'll do it x way." and not doing it. Congrats.

Ty

I am trying so hard to put this to practice. Sometimes I start up so well but end up yelling when I become frustrated 🙈Thanks so much Dr Paul, your videos have been life changing for me. You are indeed a Godsent! Will keep striving to do better🤗

True