How To Be A Good Listener 

Imagine going here because you want to be a good listener. But still ended up not learning a thing because you aren’t a good listener 😅😂

People aren't boring. They are fascinating! It's amazing when people open up and let us know what's going on inside.

Genuinely mind blown after listening to this. I feel like I always struggle to retain information or be an active listener while conversating with people and now that it was put into perspective that it can be acquainted to reading a book (someone else's story), it all of a sudden feels so much easier to maintain interest and retain information while talking to another.

No cockroaches were harmed during this animation.

I didn’t realized that I was distracted until I processed the fact that I was scrolling through the comments and reading while the video was playing.

I have to learn this. On both speaker and listener roles.

Good thoughtful content as usual. I love the wacky sense of humor in your animations,hilarious!

Useful ideas

Maybe they added the annoying background noise to test you if your actually able to listen well.

simple, don't try to think of a response before the other person has finished what they have to say :) that's a step in the right direction at least lol

does anyone else thinks there hair looks like an open book?

I found it very difficult to listen to this video. It was probably intentional, but the droning sound effects really strained my focus.

Great video, but next time drop that mumbling effect of the cartoons. It is very distracting

I have more problems with talking, myself. Either I don't find anything in my life to be worth telling someone, or it might be interesting but it feels like I'm putting a bother on them when it's something bad, or bragging when it's something good. Got any tips or advice for that?

The annoying background voice tho

I feel this glosses over "reciprocating" in conversation. Being a good listener is important, but if you are entering a conversation focused only on editing and teasing out themes of the other, then the exchange stands at risk of becoming one-sided and unfruitful. I suppose, Ideally, all participants would know when to listen and when to share. They would be open to sharing and to being 'edited' in return. Also... I'm not trying to be clever, but I really had a difficult time listening to this video with the incessant background mumbling.

now do a video about "how to be a good commentator"

I am a good listener and trust me, listening is not that bad. I actually like listening to other people. the thing is there are a lot of people who just pretend to listen but arent really listening. If you really listen and dont think of the response until they are finished then it makes thing much better

The background noise is so irritating !! It's almost smothering Alain's voice.Nevertheless the video was very enjoyable especially the comparison with novels..

I was reading the comments while I was supposed to be listening.

I absolutely love the School of Life videos. And also with this one, the content is extremely helpful. However, the background noise of the mumbling figures was at least to me next to unbearable, almost painful while I had to try really hard to focus on the speaker's voice. Never the less, great work!

the mumbling is louder than de botton for god's sake

Wow I would much rather listen to someone talk than talk about myself 90% of the time. I already know what I'm thinking I'd rather hear what's going on with other people.

As a physician aspiring to become a psychiatrist., this lesson is of extreme importance to me. I've been trying to develop my listening skills for sometimes. I listen to my patients their relatives, my colleagues and staff. Its an amazing experience. You get be close to so many people around you.

book hair the new style for 2017

didn't listn lol

"Hmm" "really" "you don't say" "aha" "oh okay". Repeat x3 and reply at random. There you're a great listener!

I'd rather talk about ideas rather than my life or someone else's life. I feel like the abstraction is much easier to find interesting. I like understanding other people through their beliefs or ideas more than unpacking their lives. I can also edit my beliefs sometimes based on what people say, or at least put them into question. Though discussing someone's life can be enjoyable too, if they open themselves up enough.

"Maybe someone is about to say that they felt attracted to their sister" Haha I love these videos, they really hold no punches and aren't afraid to say anything. I started with the Literature biographies, then saw a bunch of others, today I watched this one. Really excellent work. This might be my new favorite YT channel.

It's more simple than this. If you care about the person then you'll be a good listener. This goes for books and films as well. If you don't care about the characters then you won't care what they have to say or what they do. I'm currently reading "High Fidelity" by Nick Hornby and I've paused it for a couple weeks because I can't give two flying fucks about the main character. I don't really care about who he's dated. He seems boring and uninteresting. But I'll probably finish the book because the style is pretty good and I do love namedropping music bands. But if this would've been real life I wouldn't have continued listening to the character (though I would've visited his music shop, but not made small talk with him).

Please make a video about judgemental person. How not to be one, how to deal with them, and why do they be such a person. Thanks :)

I seriously couldn't hear anything with all the background noise and effects!! seriously annoying and useless,,that's what keeps me from learning the lessons, I wish I could because from what I can hear, it seems helpful...

Very useful information, this short video alone has taught me more about conversation than a month of talk therapy.

This is by far my favourite SoL video. I can completely relate to this and I genuinely feel like I've learnt something I can use. Especially like the idea of stopping someone to get them to revisit points in their story for clarification etc. I have two very close friends I can test this out on! Thanks for posting x

Is it weird that I still kinda suspect this channel to be a cult?!

Hands down my favorite film you have made yet. Anyone can speak eloquently at great length, but it takes a great deal of work to listen well, and even more work to reflect on and apply what stories we hear.

Came here bc my family says I gotta habit of cutting off and need to be a better listener. Anyone else in my shoes

"Maybe somebody was about to say that they felt attracted to their sister " haha I wasn't expecting that

I read a lot and I can confirm that this is 💯 Helpful!! Thanks TSOL! You guys are amazing!

I can't focus with the garbled toons chatting

When it's the kind of person who is willing to express feelings, meets the person who would edit and encourage the expressions, it is then that the depiction in this video will come true. You suppose of such people and situation. I hope, this happens. When it does, it will be a transformative experience. Thank you, for making such unique, engaging videos.

this channel absolutely knows what my problem is!!!!

The murmuring in the background is distracting.

I have the following problem, I usually get bored with most of the people talking, so when is my turn to talk I focus more on no to be boring than in my story so I get anxious and try to make my story as short and as simple as possible.

Unfortunately, being hard of hearing, it’s difficult to hear, and therefore listen, to this video, with the cartoon talking so loudly in the ‘background’

I'm such a great listener and I'm surrounded by bad listeners in my life. I hate it

Completing this video is just like ...try hard to listen a noisy conversation due to this disturbing editing and doubling of voice.... I think it teaches us how to focus on one voice which you need to listen and understand.......

Constructive feedback: there is a lot of background noise in video which is diluting the message of the video and making it difficult to understand the speaker.

Both my ears are broken so listening isn’t an option for me really but I do lip read so I can get the gist of what’s being said & I do this attentively to the best of my ability - then I make excuses to get away from whatever the situation call for… you can only hold your attention for so long I got a life to be living !

I jumped down in the comments and had to say something 21 seconds since the video. Nothing in particular. I just need to be heard more than I can hear ;)

Is this animation not that good compared to others, or is it just me?

it takes a great man to be a good listener - Calvin Coolidge

Thank you for removing the background noises in your more recent videos, because as a person suffering from ADHD, this is extremely difficult to watch haha

I want to be a better listener but I haven’t had friends in so long that the second I realize somebody understands me, I don’t shut up , I get too excited help

Deeply grateful to you sir for producing such enlightening videos and raising our emotional intelligence 🙏

I can't hear a goddamn thing he saying coz the animation is just too funny can't stop laughing 😂😂

Those background gibberish that played when the narrator was speaking was distracting 😑😑

Having the little blue man talking while the narrator is talking is very distracting

this was ironically very hard to listen too, terrible production filled with noise

"Felt attracted to their sister" ?

Self-clarification is something we learned was a really pronounced part of speaking when we started doing videos ... but I learn as much about myself when watching others' videos. As a therapist I get bored with most one on one talking because it is almost always the same story from everyone (as I do the translation I mentioned below) Universally Relevant vs. Locally Specific is a translation I started making after reading Joseph Campbell, who is pure awesome sauce on steroids with cream.

1. Evelyn Glennie is deaf, but she is an incredible musician! She is one of the best percussion players in the world! She has an amazing TED Talk called " How to truly listen". It is about listening to music, but we could also apply to many of the things she says when we listen to each other. Like this one: " We have to listen to ourselves, first of all". It is so true...We must take some silent time everyday to see what's going on inside us. If you can't even listen to yourself, how can you ever pay attention to anybody else? I think the closer we get to ourselves, the closer we get to others too. I recommend everyone to use Alain's philosophical meditation for that silent time. ( Just watch their video Philosophical Meditation, and click on the link below to print the questions. They are extremely helpful! ) 2. There is also a very helpful podcast with Alain de Botton about this. For friends who are new here he is the founder of this channel and the narrator in these videos. Just search for: " BBC 4, A Point of View, Alain de Botton, The Art of Conversation". 3. Since it is a skill we can learn, I think it also helps a lot to listen to great conversations. Here are some examples from podcasts I am addicted to, with the name of a particularly good episode: -The New York Public Radio Podcast ( Jay Z, On Hustling and Forgiveness ) -On Being with Krista Tippett ( Alain de Botton ) -The 7th Avenue Project ( Joshua Oppenheimer ) - Shrink Rap Radio ( this is an excellent psychology podcasts with one shrink interviewing another. You can start with the episode " The Lies We Tell Ourselves" with Jon Frederickson ) - Paul Holdengräber's Podcast ( Elisabeth Gilbert ) -Malcolm Gladwell's wonderful podcast " Revisionist History" ( Generous Orthodoxy ) - Magic Lessons with Elisabeth Gilbert ( This is the best podcast I know, on living a creative life! ) 4.. There is another wonderful podcast episode by Krista Tippet called " Listening generously" with Rachel Naomi Yemen. It is a conversation full of valuable insights which can help us to become better listeners. 5. I loved these words by Theodore Zeldin from his book "Conversation": " The kind of conversation I am interested in is one which you start with a willingness to emerge a slightly different person. It is always an experiment, whose results are never guaranteed. It involves risk. It 's an adventure in which we agree to cook the world together and make it taste less bitter". 6. From that conversation, we learn that in some cases it is more appropriate just to listen. The Budhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh has a book called " How to love" where he explains it very beautifully. He dedicates an entire chapter to :"Compassionate Listening". You can also watch a video on youtube where he explains it. This is what he says: "Deep listening is the kind of listening that can help relieve the suffering of another person. You can call it compassionate listening. You listen with only one purpose: to help him or her to empty his heart. Even if he says things that are full of wrong perceptions, full of bitterness, you are still capable of continuing to listen with compassion. Because you know that listening like that, you give that person a chance to suffer less. If you want to help him to correct his perception, you wait for another time. For now, you don’t interrupt. You don’t argue. If you do, he loses his chance. You just listen with compassion and help him to suffer less. One hour like that can bring transformation and healing.” 7. Existential psychiatrist Irvin Yalom wrote his latest book " Creatures of a day" when he was 80 years old. It means after listening to people's sorrow and pain for more than 50 years!!! And in that book he tells us that even for such an experienced psychiatrist as he is, "listening someone properly" is a very difficult task. Because as you are hearing the person in front of you, his words make you think about so many things you could say, but you should decide for the best option among them and for the best moment to say it, while still trying to focus on what he is telling you. 8. This may sound very weirdo, but I care a lot about remembering the things people tell me and since I don't trust my memory, I write them down. If you want to build a profound friendship with someone you should keep track of his / her life too. We must also always deeply value the trust people have in us when they offer us their stories. Thanks a lot for this very valuable lesson and for the excellent animation!

I had to rewind atleast 5 times cause I got busy with my own thoughts

This video is phenomenal, as are many of your others :) Thank you for all the wisdom you provide us viewers with. The background noise makes it very difficult to focus on & enjoy the life-changing points this video is trying to get across; if there’s anyway you guys would be kind enough as to consider potentially removing said background noise in future videos, I’d (and many others) greatly appreciate it! :) I would really like to be able to fully focus on the excellent bits of knowledge your videos have to offer, without such distraction. Thank you for your time & any consideration you may give this comment! Have a good day ☀️

These things playing in the back ground were annoying

I love the videos, the animations, and the content, but the sound effects in this one are extremely annoying to me. They distract me from being a good listener - maybe it's a challenge? :D

The sounds in the video were so distracting and triggering

Being curious makes it easy to listen.

Hmm like my mommy would say, if you speak people see your weaknesses and you are self- centered, but if you listen people will feel interested on you.

Big fan of School of Life People: 1) Proud 2) Lazy 3) Materialistic ___________________________________________________ Implicit in this video, unfortunately, is the idea that people are thoughtful. For better or worse, many people interact with the world primarily through their emotions. The makers of this video may be enlightened and thoughtful, but the masses, through no fault of their own, often have to survive a day by acting automatically, not thinking critically. In fact, even the people I have met who attend(ed) prestigious schools (my point goes beyond name dropping, but I attend Columbia) operate mostly on automatic "System 1" thinking, not the more deliberate "System 2." In other words, 1) as proud beings, humans react to certain emotional stimuli as viscerally as a Rhesus Monkey would to a predator. There is value in pure thought, but here the data wins out; evolution selects for impulsive, aggressive, paranoid beings that look after their own survival. When one mentions anything at all that might be construed as critical, one may find a person react as though physically aggressed 2) In response to the idea that "people want to understand themselves," then, one must conclude that most people, most of the time, would prefer to feel good in the moment. Understanding oneself can be an arduous, unpleasant task. It's no wonder, then, that humans, myself included, often avoid trying to understand anything fully. In plainer English, if you want strangers to like you, following social conventions and add a little thoughtful flattery. That may be more effective than truly listening and helping another understand themselves. This is particularly true if one is discussing uncomfortable subjects like the death of one's family members, breaking up with a significant other, or losing a job. School of Life has recommended practicing this kind of therapy on others in casual conversation, which is not usually advisable, at least until one knows someone else fairly well or for a long time In response to the idea that "people are interested in how one felt about an event rather than the concrete details," once again, thinking is hard. Confronting one's beliefs is uncomfortable. At any given moment, I'm not sure how I feel. In fact, putting words to my feelings is often not only difficult; it's uncomfortable. To return to human nature at large, one must remember our ancestors the apes. 3) The Rhesus monkey likes fruit; fruit has sugar; sugar helps the Rhesus monkey stay alive. While we did not descend directly from Rhesus monkeys, we share many of their genes, and many people I have met are materialistic, as evolution would predict Get stuff = good. Think too much => get eaten by a tiger = bad Therefore it is natural for people to discuss facts of events, objects, rather than how they feel in those moments about the things that have happened to them. Being a good listener will help with making close friends and maintaining long-term relationships. For a first impression, though, I would advise sticking to custom. As a brief example, I started talking to the janitor of my building. Let's call him Juan. I asked Juan many unconventional things rather than following the script of "Nice weather we're having, how are you? You come here often?" Granted, he didn't speak English that well, and he may have been the type who wanted to be a janitor because he prefers being left alone to talking to strangers for a living. But Juan was visibly uncomfortable. I get this type of response fairly often when I greet strangers in unusual ways. One can also try the "comment on something about them" approach, which often leads to more interesting conversations than "hey, what's up? What do you do? Where'd you go to school?" But this too can lead to awkwardness that following convention never would In summary, one must approach general ideas with caution. (He said, speaking very generally and broadly) When one encounters a video entitled "how to be a good listener," it might behoove one to take the advice with a grain of salt rather than blindly accepting everything the speaker says, though he has a soothing, calm voice and the animations clearly took a long time to make. I especially enjoy the oddly shaped bodies. But I digress Think for yourself. I know it's hard After such a thorough critique of the ideas presented, I must honestly say that I love watching your videos. You all clearly think about these things thoroughly, and it must take discipline to so consistently churn them out. I imagine the creators were criticized by some or all of their close associates in the process; that happens to me sometimes when I leave the beaten path to try to make a name for myself

good concert. simple English content. I easily understood. thank you!

If someone could make a transcript of this, i would be incredibly grateful! The sound effects are just frustratingly distracting! Thank you!

reading is convenient, you can "listen" to others stories when you want.

Background sounds are way too loud !

Speaking of listening, that's really hard to do when the characters in the background are going *"BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH"* in obnoxious voices the whole video 😂 like damn. I'm gonna have to go read the written version because I missed half of what he said.

As a sub to your channel, I must recommend you turn down the sound effects of your videos. Thank you.

Omg the mumbling is driving me insane

The problem with the literature comparison is that you can always shut a book when it's boring and uninteresting, but you can't do that when talking with boring and uninteresting people.

could you repeat that? i wasn't listening

The people who think listening is just a banal chore, probably don't know the difference between the passive listener and the active listener.

Attracted to your sister. That's not something I would want for someone to tell me.

OMG the Peanuts adult moaning of the talking people in this video is SO LOUD I can't concentrate on the narrator. 😖

I think our minds can instinctively decide whether or not something that is being said is worth listening to. In other words, we absorb the information that we are hungry for. In lots of occasions I have found my mind wandering while l was supposed to be listening to the person talking to my face.

5:00 Note to self, the upside down udders are a symbol of bad listeners.

"Talk about what is universally relevant other than what is locally specific!" I love talking about science for this reason

Trust me, the more you listen to this, the more value it'll provide

The background noise is challenging your listening skills. Try to close your eyes and focus on Alain's voice only. It works for me.

I love the info but the background noise ruined this one! Basically I can't listen to it because it's drowned out by the background chatter. A video about listening, it's ironic!

How are we supposed to be a good listener when the damn video has a loud and super obnoxious background chatter?

Oh my god, it's a 7 min video with a lot of noise background 😭 The School of Life needs to reupload this one

dear Alan, unfortunately the video is lacking of some of the most important qualities: 1. Content: saying that we have to listen to others and use literature to improve our listening skills will not convince any bad listener: it does not challenge the real drivers at the base of the self-absorbed person, as they come from too deeply ingrained instances in our mind; 2. quality of the animations: come on, you have almost 6,5 millions subscribers and are still using basic animation tools that are just as ugly as a baby collage! I saw your office in London: how is possible that you cannot get a better animator? 3. do you really have to put those background noises? Already is difficult to listen to others, why should I listen to these distracting ugly noises? 4. You are good when you talk empathy and compassion, but when you have to advise people, honestly, you lack the impact. Why don't you adopt some Life Coach perspective? In this case, Dale Carnegie (How to make friends and influence people) would have been a better inspiration in order to make self absorbed people shut up.

i love your videos. i tried to read proust, but i couldnt get past the 50 pages of "Swan's way" (por los camnios de swan in spanish, just understanding the meaning of the title, terrible translation) but he (proust) is really boring and hard to read, so thanks life that you made that video about reading that book cause i couldn't do it. So i loved the proust refference, because not everyone can read proust nowadays, and so he (proust) maybe, was a difficult person to listen to.

You guys make way too many self-helpy, advice column, psychobabble videos. In the past four months, you only made two videos about writers or philosophers. Please make more intellectual videos. Balance things out.

difficult to understand because of the background noise. PLEASE ADJUST THE SOUND.

The background mumbling voices of those cartoon guys and their dopey faces 😂😂😂😂😂😂 I can't even listen to the narrator. How am I ever gonna learn how to listen now?

I'm really bad at this, but it's so important. *we need to bring back the Socratic method.*

The noise added in the background of these great videos is so distracting! Very annoying.

How to be a good listener in a nutshell: 1. Stop thinking about what you're GOING TO SAY while like the other person is talking. 2. STOP talking

Are we phsycopaths 😢

Well I really don’t want understand them or make myself in their place. How can I stop them speaking without being rude¿