Definitely soft. I'm in a household where i feel like I have to CONSTANTLY defend myself and my actions, so I always come off as sharp and direct, sometimes in a mean way to my friends and I always end up feeling bad about it. I sometimes mindfully set the intention of being soft and I always feel like I'm confining myself and that I'm holding back. Working on it though thanks to you!!!💓
I definitely struggle with being sharp. I've always felt like I could never defend myself because "self defense" was always just yelling, and I'm not confident enough to yell and be smart with my words. This video had helped me realize I don't have to yell, I just need to express myself. I really really am going to look more into this.
I love that you demonstrate examples of sharp and soft. I find demonstrations and scripts very helpful. I'm not a fan of trying reinvent the wheel or figure these things out for myself from scratch. I'd rather see how it's done and then play around with it until it feels natural to me.
INFERIORITY symptoms: - people-pleasing - laughter-padding - white lies SUPERIORITY symptoms: - reactiveness -judgement over observation - biased attachment YOUR ENERGY is what you embody inside and out. - facial expressions - body language - tone - pitch - pace - words - intention - thoughts - emotions How to be BALANCED SOFT: 1. Be intentional 2. Breathe 3. Be eye-level With others 4. Speak slower 5. Lift/lighten your tone 6. Ground your energy How to be BALANCED SHARP: 1. Be intentional 2. Breathe 3. Be eye-level with others 4. Be honest 5. Be definitive AND detached at the same time 6. Stay present and conscious
A lot of people think “soft/nice=doormat” and therefore be sharp to guard themselves when really the solution is to *HAVE BOUNDARIES* !!You can absolutely be kind/ soft with BOUNDARIES because it lets everyone know right of the bat what you will and won’t accept & helps YOU handle your thoughts/emotions better while sifting out the people who do or don’t respect that. If you honestly feel you’re incapable of this & NEED to be sharp with others (brutal honesty, passive aggression, etc) that’s a social issue you might wanna take up with a therapist.
I am usually sharp. So is my twin sister, but she is autistic. I don’t think I have that though. I just don’t like small talk or conversations about theoretical things. I also don’t deal with compliments too well, and can be passive-aggressive or just aggressive generally. I also noticed that I tend to be sharper with men than with women. But I have a soft spot for children or those at least 4 years younger than I am. My brother also has autism but I think he is a good balance between both being sharp and soft. I think it comes down to upbringing and personality type.
@@saehisayaAutism and other developmental disabilities have a very high genetic correlation, so it’s very likely you have autism as well, especially if your twin has it. Definitely see if you can get a diagnosis, even if it’s one from an autism therapist. My diagnosis helped me so much. Sending you luck and good vibes ❤
This video made me realise that I actually need to work on both my sharpness and softness depending on who I’m interacting with. I love your explanation on maintaining balance and that it’s the imbalance of energy which causes the superiority and inferiority complex I find myself experiencing.
it's not that your energy creates inferiority. your beliefs about yourself are inferiour and your nervous system/energy follows. a real solution is in dissolving those beliefs but this can help in the moment to remain a sense of authenticity
The story of my life is masking my inferiority with sharpness. I’m very matter of fact, direct, short, and cold. But on the inside, I’m a softy who is terrified. This is very helpful. Great video.
I wouldn’t say I am the same, but I definitely think I suppress kindness in order to be sharper because I want to be a competent person, and I would like to see others be competent as well. Being direct, fact and detail oriented is how I operate, and going say from that causes stress.
I've been practicing how to deal with self-esteem related people pleasing. learning more in depth about the factors that go into creating that off-balance feeling when interacting with people makes it more inspiring to approach changing it- rather than just feeling anxious about it. Thank you so much for this video!!!
Can you briefly tell me about it? I have major self esteem issues being a softie but I've never heard of the ideas your talking about. Can you briefly explained what you've learned and things I can research that you've found insightful. As a fellow person struggling, I'd love to hear back. ❤❤
@@princess_zulica Maybe I can offer a helpful perspective. What's really helped me has been asking myself where and on who I place responsibility in different situations. If I have low self-esteem and people pleasing that's usually manifesting by putting too much of the burden of responsibility on myself when it realistically shouldn't be. And when I do that it's not respecting that other people have responsibility and agency of their own and being controlling (could be related to the relationship you had with your parents). The insecurity of people pleasing is trying to control other people's reactions to you instead of giving them the space and freedom to respond as they wish. The other way it works is when you don't respect yourself enough to give yourself responsibility and agency in some situations and you blame other people for things when you shouldn't. It comes back to there being an off-balance of respect and responsibility and ultimately care and love for yourself and others. People can tell when energy is skewed like this and you aren't putting yourself on the same level as them.
@@toiarii ohhh wow this was helpful!! im actually really curious where my low seflf esteem pops up and where it comes from because I have a great, supportive family thank god!! i wonder what my experiences remind me of... also I do sometimes want to control others but like nicely so that was insightful. ty!!
This should be a course in grade school and throughout high-school. Many people are not shown this in their homes growing up and if they were given a chance to learn it in at least a school environment then humanity would evolve in the best ways
The tips in this video helped me and my parent to have a really difficult conversation. We yelled and I started to lose it, but I took a deep breath and reminded myself my INTENTIONS. My goal wasn’t to “win” an argument. My true goal was to express that I could not let go of the issue, because I was scared of losing him. This gave me strength to calmly reach out to touch his hand, something I’ve never ever done in my entire life when we were fighting, and honestly tell him what was in my heart.
As someone who comes from a pretty low class background with family members that know nothing about how to behave in social situations, I feel like you're the big sister I never had who's helping me get by in society. Thank you for all this wonderful content.
Thank You for this. I’m a recovering people pleaser that’s been learning how to set boundaries but I’ve been noticing my energy being more sharp in a superiority way and I’ve realized that’s not 100% me either. I appreciate this break down I was literally talking to my partner about this last night
Love it! I never realized when I was doing this and or why. But the going back and forth between feeling superior and inferior makes sense. I'll add this to my arsenal to navigate tense situations in the future.
Always struggled with appearing too soft in my tone, probably because I sometimes have inferiority complex when am around other people. thank you for this, I will now practice more detachment and sharpness in tone
I just saw this recommended to me after having a mental breakdown and putting myself down for being too soft...too much of a people pleaser...cause then people tend to take it for granted or it just becomes exhausting cause I'm tryna be nice. And I noticed it's only when I'm angry my sharp side comes out and it goes all the way to the other side of the soft-sharp spectrum .Thanks for this video at the right time that I really need it to learn to have balance.
You’ve made me realise that I am just way to aggressive when I put my own point across. Or find it hard to stfu but my face is just pure sass. That perhaps I am not as socially advanced as I thought and really need help with my communication skills. And yep inferiority and superiority complex is so what it is too. Rewatching this again ❤
I remember seeing your TikTok on ‘laughter padding’ and it really made me rethink my ways of communication,especially at work. Love that your making longer form content now, it’s super insightful!
I think a lot of people try to glean this kind of information from movie or book characters they connect with -- how to present and carry oneself, ways to adjust their communication. The way you identified these two modes of carrying oneself is super helpful and clear. Thank you for this content!
I'm not using my Tiktok account at the moment, so it's really great to watch your content here on RU-vid! I loved this video and your definition of what "energy" is made perfect sense to me and the tips are really important and necessary nowadays.
I love your honesty and wisdom in this video. Most people think I’m crazy when I break the “4th wall” of social psychology and try to explain how this works. You did a fantastic job
My (recently made ex) best friend has constantly had a superiority complex when she talks to me. It’s always frustrated me. She comes off as rude and condescending and I’m so tired of it. She has that soft superiority, where it comes off as “I’m so much better then you but I’m just sooo humble and sweet about it! Let me sweetly and constantly rub it in your face.” I’m tired of being a doormat and people pleaser when it’s hurting me.
Im watching this video every single morning for the next 2 weeks. You explained to me exactly why i cant keep a job despite being a solid employee. I usually leave because once i stand up for myself people just scoff and body language basically says "who are ypu to stand up for yourself?? You dont have that right you shud be treated like ish" . And then the gossip starts and then my hours get lowered because im now seen as a headache for speaking up and im basically quiet fired(sublty pushed out) or i quit.
7:44-8:46 this section of breaking down intention and having questions to ask ourselves was helpful! Before, I was thinking of intention as how I specifically want to behave, like "stay calm, don't get defensive which leads to sharpness, but also stand my ground, etc", but instead of having these rules as my main goal, thinking of the overall goal like unity as the foundation of my intention is simpler to embody and remember when I find myself in triggering situations.
Very helpful, I've been declining in my ability to interact socially and find myself going back and forth with both inferiority and superior complex. It may be because of extreme stress, but being on the autism spectrum has always made socializing tricky. I'd like to be a respectful and engaging person when speaking with others and build lasting relationships for once. This guide was helpful and I think breathing will help me tremendously.
I really needed this today. I have to attend a party tonight that I’m not keen on going to. Many of your tips will help me. Thank you. First time viewer, now subscribed.
This is so beautifully explained, I have recently discovered I grew up with an inferiority complex and have noticed how it manifested in the way I choose to communicate with the world around me- now that I am healing and bringing into balance this part of myself, so it can reflect on the outside with how I carry myself, your video showed up in perfect timing. Thank you for taking the time to make this video, it brought a lot of clarity to how I have been expressing myself and given me some great tools on how I can utilize softening or sharpening my tone when appropriate
I'm sooo thankful that this video popped up in my feed! I've had low self-esteem most of my life and learned from an early age to tough it out, always. So I'm too sharp sometimes. But it's because of anxiety. The emotional healing process has softened my presentation a bit but not entirely yet. So these practical tips are gold! Can't wait to check out the rest of this channel ❤
thanks for systematic video. Most needed RN for me personally. being a super awkward public speaker yet needed to speak as part of my professional life. i learned much from this short video
This is so useful. Wondered why one of my single friends at work is always so frosty with other women (including me) yet soft with men. Makes sense about the superiority complex, she’s not a bad person, just feels inferior. Lovely to have an understanding like this. 😊 Thanks for this x
So glad I clicked on this video. When you talk about sharp and soft, I have 2 characters that come to mind that I think illustrate this well: Luna and Ginny from Harry Potter. One is soft the other is sharp but very balanced (when they get older at least) and they're both very powerful in their authenticity.
I love that youtube showed me this on my home page. I was new to the way that you express things but I learnt quickly what you meant, and I truly think you used the correct terms and definitions. The exaples grow on high level of understanding, plus this was so fun to watch, thank you and I give it an 11/10.
this video is complete breakdown of factors which contribute to sharpness and softness of people i feel like i've took a mini course . The concept , quality , the writing of the video everything is on point . two things i've noticed about you ariel is that the way you articulate things and your body language which gives an composed confident vibes or aura and i suggest you to make videos on these topics . thank you and lots of love 💞
great video! nuances like this make such a difference in how we perceive and are perceived by others. Its a great start to have all this concepts cleared out :)
I definitely notice that sharpness is reactive and defensive for me, I reach for it when threatened and have to be very conscious to contain it. whereas softness is something i reach for as an exception and i have to do it on purpose. I don't handle it well when I feel trapped or obligated to respond in a certain way though
I’m so proud of the outside work you do to develop your content. Beautiful Holistic approach to addressing social interaction and addressing THE SELF… I love you.
Definitely helped me realize some things about my shadow self. Thank you for this type of content I appreciate you and glad this was my first video of being introduced to you ! 💖
I'm sharp cause I've always been good at witty comebacks or just being plain honest to people. My peers find me too intimidating and say I'm being mean but I've found that when I act Soft (or what I thought was soft) they try to take advantage or they waste my time. Its also energy draining for me to pretend to be soft. Guess I'll try again to balance both or just stay friendless, lol. This was a great video, by the way.
Or you can be kind with boundaries. People like that, you get your point across in a socially eloquent manner while letting others know where you will or won’t stand. You will always make friends with this and sift out who does and doesn’t respect your boundaries.
I agree.. I am very sharp.. and I am on a similar boat as you. Soon as I feel people are taking advantage I feel the need to question and confront the person… and it’s very difficult to not do that. I’ve learned to breathe .. but, I go silent and can’t really come back from the silent “treatment.” I’ll nod, or work with you if it’s for work. But, at that point idc what happens to me (if I get written up, or talked to for bad behavior) , or what happens to our relationship. It’s very triggering for me. .. I also am not easily attached to people, and feel everyone has this alter ego that can switch, so it’s hard to find that balance.
I thought I for sure suffered from a superiority complex and now I realize I suffer heavily from an inferiority complex and use sharpness to mask it. This is my first video of yours I’m watching and I immediately followed!! Can’t wait to check out more
I love the sharp yet sweet premise and practice. I’m one or the other but sharpness doesn’t make me feel good abs neither does people pleasing. This middle ground feels scary yet empowering.
Tbf, I feel like it's being (or needing to be) around other humans that's tiring, not exactly the quality of being human. 😂 If we are comfy when we're alone, it's probably not mostly us. Imagine if you could pay your bills with minimal interaction with other people, would you be tired? 🤔 I mean if we are driving ourselves wild in our solitude though, maybe it is a mixed bag. 👀
I didn't know it was possible to have both superiority and inferiority complex 😂 I don't know when it started but my social anxiety became prominent in the last two years. I'll use this thanks.
I feel like the former is a defense mechanism that forms after the latter. One feels off-kilter compared to everyone else, so to compensate, we lurch in the opposite direction.
Thank you so much for sharing this content!! it really helps a lot🥰 was wondering if you would ever do a topic on how to openly talk to close friends when you are offended or feeling uncomfortable?
I am very thankful for this video popping up in my life. I have been struggling with my emotions and thought that I wanted to put out when I disagree with my family. I didn't know exactly what my intention was and that only speaking that I was always right and they were always wrong. What I was saying here was in the past. But now, I am still struggling to speak my mind, my point of view because when I am trying to be aware of my emotion and trigger and then suddenly they sharing their opinion and I got trigger and when I knew it, I was in my sharp state. Your video has organized my thoughts and emotions the way that I feel like I am almost there but come back to my sharp state. When I didn't see this video, I kind of conscious knew that when I spoke slowly, I was able to speak out my mind and boom the magical bloom like suddenly I speaking like I am more wiser and open spaces but, but I was still not learning my lesson even deep deep deep down something is telling me that I almost in the right direction but I was too trigger and taking everything people say into heart and just accept the fact that it is okay for people to not disagree with you or do not see the way you do. Today's I learned that, speak with intentional, not about who is right or wrong. And yes, breathing is so so underrated, and I learned that it is okay to speak your mind, but speak slow with intention, breathing and humor. Balance it out with soft and sharp. Nothing needs to be taken seriously. You gain a subscribers ❤
This was awesome. I had to take notes and everything. I am soft in the outside world and sharp at home. It was very nice to see that both have similarities and it was broken down so well. Thank you! I really want to work on communicating as I realize that the communication issues that surround my life mostly stem from me. 🙃 "Hi, it's me. I'm the problem, it's me." 😅
Thank you for sharing this! It is so interesting that you said "we're getting better and better at feeling and sensing other people's inside" and how it is important to be really clear in our own inside! I am experiencing a lot of this and I wasn't sure of many things till I watch your video. It was so concrete and genuine. 🙏🏼 Thank you again!
I'm a sharp person by nature. Southern Greeks are laconic and direct. My family is Noblility but I have always been too much of a people pleaser but with a big ego but not confident , always feel superiority to cover insecurities. You've shown me that I even am these things. I have many years of working with the public and I have implemented ways to accomplish much. I have a calm demeanor regardless of the emergency . The vid had helped me identify characteristics and be aware of it. I work around alot of people and I subbed now to get insight about my nature. The breathing tip is SpotOn. The slower speech when communicating is simple but difficult 🧛🏻♀️🤘🏻🖤 I'm around a back handed person at school and they laugh pad ut sounds like a witch's cackle.
Thank you! The part about coming back to your intention is helpful. I also just learned about laughter padding from you which is something I’d like to work on.
hi, thank you for uploading this video! i have been searching for a video like this for a while but had no clue what to even search for. i recently started working for a catering company that does pretty cool events for wealthy people. I feel out of my comfort zone working and interacting with wealthy people so i tend to behave more inferior than superior. I always go into these gigs feeling anxious, as if i don't belong and i tend to ramble on and on or say something that doesn't make sense? I end up getting in my head and the next day, replaying all the things that i thought went wrong. something that slows me down and paces me is reminding myself that i am good enough, i am worthy and i do belong. i really like working for this company, the pay is amazing and i feel like this is a healthy challenge for me to grow in my social interactions and feel more comfortable around people who are doing financially better than me.
This is really cool content, please make more! In an era where quantitative capabilities are slowly getting superseded / made obsolete by readily available information & quantifying functions (via digital tech), the real differentiator in this next decade will be based on your social capabilities. To put a framework around the abstract stuff in this area is to truly understand it, and to go far beyond our typical intuition & the life lessons you pick up from your parents, experiences, etc.
Since there are more nuances to the way we respond/express ourselves than just naming or labeling with one word, it's really hard for me to say if I'm like THIS or like THAT. So, when you said that we're constantly switching between both sides, that makes a lot of sense and leaves room for the complexity of our minds. I'd say the perception I have of myself is that most of the time I'm meek or feel inferior on the inside, but the expression still comes out as being unsmiling and stern but without any exertion of power. So, it's not totally soft if you look at my face, but again, my people-pleaser tendencies lead me to always end up looking unsure and not confident. There are also times when I feel superior (usually when I'm sure I know something better than others), and I can really sense that from within. In the end, I say things I feel I shouldn't have said because that makes me look totally uncool, acting like I-KNOW-IT-ALL. All things considered, I can relate to what you mentioned about feeling inferior or superior and how that superiority actually comes from a place of feeling inferior and insecure because, in the end, it's about showing to prove what you've got.
going through a big transition for the 5th time in the last 14 months and so glad i came across this video, when I want to make sure i know about my intentions and avoid feeling inferior and feeling pressured or guilty for choosing what's right. definitely wanna work on being sharper! thank youuu!
Love this! I am a soft speaker in general, but I noticed there are a few people in my life that I will communicate sharply to. After watching your video, I realized their energy gave me the impression that they are trying to project superiority, and then I automatically will try to combat it by being sharper than intended. Im gonna work on my balance, thanks for the awesome video!
Sorry black women, this don't apply to us. I was told I was too aggressive in a meeting I didn't speak in. I'm so glad a couple of my white classmates caught that cause I would've been in a mental hospital.
Respectfully, i dis agree as a black woman myself. This is about remaining balanced for yourself and not for others. With us there will always be a critique on how we present ourselves. The best we can do is be genuine and composed. They will always have something to say. I have extremes of both and i just get stuck and no one takes me seriously because I’m so moody, unstable and inconsistent. We need this the most out of anyone tbh.
No worries sis. That's just your nature as a child of the King aka known as the Conquering Lion..lol being intimidating without even speaking just comes with the territory of being a lion. Dominance, and authority is your inheritance, the world just labeled it aggressive cause it always tries to kill what it can't control.❤ if you don't already know, you are loved and accepted. You are also wonderfully, and fearfully made. This ain't just facts this Truth, huge difference. It is a fact this world is more than tainted, but the truth is you carry the Kingdom of the Living God in you, keep embracing that. Kudos to those that had your back. Sorry for the rant, but obviously this hit me some type of way🤣🙇🏾♀️
@@kelseyissastarI'm grateful for your response, I also share the emotional exaughstion of trying to appear non threating in a world that has been taught to see me as a threat, even amongst my own kin at times...no matter how much an majestic creature tries to appear tamed, the world will always find a excuse,rhyme or reason, or law to keep us in our place. WE are not defeated,cause we can't be. Our resilience, although at times can be heavily challenged, is still a freak of nature. Our resilience is so powerful that it HAS/WILL literally transform all the B.S. the world gives us and fertilize a new. The only threat we(our people) are a threat to is a dysfunctional, and cowardly system. Our authentic selves was never ok/settling for most.
I love how relatable the content is with what I've been feeling recently. I mean there's this thick line between sharpness and softness that we all possess. And it's truly endearing for me, to watch someone like you acknowledging that we can be both at the same time. I think there needs to be balance between both, and it's okay to be soft and strong at the same time. Thanks for the tips and trick! Truly helps and insightful. Keep going!! 💪✨
This is so helpful to me. I live in a place where they social softness resonates more with people, as they are so gentle. I have come back from a place where it's necesarry to be sharp socially, as cutting to the chase seems to fit their values more. I have been really hard on myself for finding the best way to cominicate my thoughts and feelings as to not seem so harsh, and i've found your examples really close to my experiences. Thank you for your observant nature!
Loving your videos Ariel! I totally needed your advice on intend breathe and go with it. I'm either a people pleaser or have a rude tone, theres no in betweeeeeen. But I want to be better and I'm going to!
How do you approach someone else acting superior towards you? I have difficulty not being reactive and attempting to "prove them wrong." For example a friend recently started the same hobby which I've been doing for years. They never come to me for advice, instead they educate me on the subject as if I know nothing about it. It hasn't been helpful to tell them directly "that's inaccurate" or "there's more to the story." They just outright deny that they could be wrong at all. This makes me want to assert myself as superior on the subject, even though that's not what I want to do in the first place. Its difficult, it makes me want to stop being their friend...
You should stop being their friend and for advice i recommend you tell them the facts and if they cut you off continue what you were doing and leave the situation. You don't need to explain why either but if you feel like should then do it but leave if you feel uncomfortable.
Yeah I've been thinking this too but been avoiding coming to this conclusion because they are one of my best friends in the world. They have become a sour version of themselves it makes me said. Maybe I will just express how I feel, and if they can't listen and are unwilling to change I will stop hanging out with them.@@wenrock5546
@@bloodykatsif you tell your boss they’re wrong, you will be the first employee to be let go. You kinda have to shut up, distance, and ignore as much as you can, without affecting your work.
"It's interesting you say that, what i personally found was.." "Ohh, i get what you are saying but I disagree. I feel that..." "Based on my # experience, I think that..." "I can see where you're coming from but...." "That's a good idea however I found that..."
Nice insight. Often people overcompensate bullies via softness, and that is part of a bully’s expectation/ routine to groom victims. No matter how soft or sharp you are, it may draw criticism or dislike but it should be respected anyway. And while I agree with most of your points. Unfortunately certain personalities pick “victims” to project upon and are triggered by.. it could be they wear a bright lipstick, or are of a certain ethnicity or stature.. it isn’t always coming from you. But it is very important to consider that very very carefully, since you have control over yourself.
Best tutorial of this kind I've ever seen, I just found your channel and I'll be binging your videos. I'm a Taoist, deeply appreciate this practical guidance.
Quick question: what if you're so emotionally drained that the mere thought of "adjusting" to someone brings an immense amount of exhaustion that any efforts fall flat?
You could try the following: - identify your initial feeling about adjusting to someone, e.g., frustrated, overwhelmed, worried- do you need to feel that personally and deeply about the other person? What can ease this feeling? - target a few behaviours / boundaries to adjust to, that are reasonable - understand that you are not responsible for their emotions- meeting them halfway is good in itself - express your intention to adjust yourself to that person, and ask for their communication on their part. Sometimes it’s not the behavior you are adjusting to, but their mindset.
