Definitely soft. I'm in a household where i feel like I have to CONSTANTLY defend myself and my actions, so I always come off as sharp and direct, sometimes in a mean way to my friends and I always end up feeling bad about it. I sometimes mindfully set the intention of being soft and I always feel like I'm confining myself and that I'm holding back. Working on it though thanks to you!!!💓
I definitely struggle with being sharp. I've always felt like I could never defend myself because "self defense" was always just yelling, and I'm not confident enough to yell and be smart with my words. This video had helped me realize I don't have to yell, I just need to express myself. I really really am going to look more into this.
I love that you demonstrate examples of sharp and soft. I find demonstrations and scripts very helpful. I'm not a fan of trying reinvent the wheel or figure these things out for myself from scratch. I'd rather see how it's done and then play around with it until it feels natural to me.
INFERIORITY symptoms: - people-pleasing - laughter-padding - white lies SUPERIORITY symptoms: - reactiveness -judgement over observation - biased attachment YOUR ENERGY is what you embody inside and out. - facial expressions - body language - tone - pitch - pace - words - intention - thoughts - emotions How to be BALANCED SOFT: 1. Be intentional 2. Breathe 3. Be eye-level With others 4. Speak slower 5. Lift/lighten your tone 6. Ground your energy How to be BALANCED SHARP: 1. Be intentional 2. Breathe 3. Be eye-level with others 4. Be honest 5. Be definitive AND detached at the same time 6. Stay present and conscious
A lot of people think “soft/nice=doormat” and therefore be sharp to guard themselves when really the solution is to *HAVE BOUNDARIES* !!You can absolutely be kind/ soft with BOUNDARIES because it lets everyone know right of the bat what you will and won’t accept & helps YOU handle your thoughts/emotions better while sifting out the people who do or don’t respect that. If you honestly feel you’re incapable of this & NEED to be sharp with others (brutal honesty, passive aggression, etc) that’s a social issue you might wanna take up with a therapist.
I am usually sharp. So is my twin sister, but she is autistic. I don’t think I have that though. I just don’t like small talk or conversations about theoretical things. I also don’t deal with compliments too well, and can be passive-aggressive or just aggressive generally. I also noticed that I tend to be sharper with men than with women. But I have a soft spot for children or those at least 4 years younger than I am. My brother also has autism but I think he is a good balance between both being sharp and soft. I think it comes down to upbringing and personality type.
@@saehisayaAutism and other developmental disabilities have a very high genetic correlation, so it’s very likely you have autism as well, especially if your twin has it. Definitely see if you can get a diagnosis, even if it’s one from an autism therapist. My diagnosis helped me so much. Sending you luck and good vibes ❤
Tbf, I feel like it's being (or needing to be) around other humans that's tiring, not exactly the quality of being human. 😂 If we are comfy when we're alone, it's probably not mostly us. Imagine if you could pay your bills with minimal interaction with other people, would you be tired? 🤔 I mean if we are driving ourselves wild in our solitude though, maybe it is a mixed bag. 👀
The story of my life is masking my inferiority with sharpness. I’m very matter of fact, direct, short, and cold. But on the inside, I’m a softy who is terrified. This is very helpful. Great video.
I wouldn’t say I am the same, but I definitely think I suppress kindness in order to be sharper because I want to be a competent person, and I would like to see others be competent as well. Being direct, fact and detail oriented is how I operate, and going say from that causes stress.
This should be a course in grade school and throughout high-school. Many people are not shown this in their homes growing up and if they were given a chance to learn it in at least a school environment then humanity would evolve in the best ways
I've been practicing how to deal with self-esteem related people pleasing. learning more in depth about the factors that go into creating that off-balance feeling when interacting with people makes it more inspiring to approach changing it- rather than just feeling anxious about it. Thank you so much for this video!!!
Can you briefly tell me about it? I have major self esteem issues being a softie but I've never heard of the ideas your talking about. Can you briefly explained what you've learned and things I can research that you've found insightful. As a fellow person struggling, I'd love to hear back. ❤❤
@@princess_zulica Maybe I can offer a helpful perspective. What's really helped me has been asking myself where and on who I place responsibility in different situations. If I have low self-esteem and people pleasing that's usually manifesting by putting too much of the burden of responsibility on myself when it realistically shouldn't be. And when I do that it's not respecting that other people have responsibility and agency of their own and being controlling (could be related to the relationship you had with your parents). The insecurity of people pleasing is trying to control other people's reactions to you instead of giving them the space and freedom to respond as they wish. The other way it works is when you don't respect yourself enough to give yourself responsibility and agency in some situations and you blame other people for things when you shouldn't. It comes back to there being an off-balance of respect and responsibility and ultimately care and love for yourself and others. People can tell when energy is skewed like this and you aren't putting yourself on the same level as them.
@@toiarii ohhh wow this was helpful!! im actually really curious where my low seflf esteem pops up and where it comes from because I have a great, supportive family thank god!! i wonder what my experiences remind me of... also I do sometimes want to control others but like nicely so that was insightful. ty!!
The tips in this video helped me and my parent to have a really difficult conversation. We yelled and I started to lose it, but I took a deep breath and reminded myself my INTENTIONS. My goal wasn’t to “win” an argument. My true goal was to express that I could not let go of the issue, because I was scared of losing him. This gave me strength to calmly reach out to touch his hand, something I’ve never ever done in my entire life when we were fighting, and honestly tell him what was in my heart.
Thank You for this. I’m a recovering people pleaser that’s been learning how to set boundaries but I’ve been noticing my energy being more sharp in a superiority way and I’ve realized that’s not 100% me either. I appreciate this break down I was literally talking to my partner about this last night
Love it! I never realized when I was doing this and or why. But the going back and forth between feeling superior and inferior makes sense. I'll add this to my arsenal to navigate tense situations in the future.
I think a lot of people try to glean this kind of information from movie or book characters they connect with -- how to present and carry oneself, ways to adjust their communication. The way you identified these two modes of carrying oneself is super helpful and clear. Thank you for this content!
I'm not using my Tiktok account at the moment, so it's really great to watch your content here on RU-vid! I loved this video and your definition of what "energy" is made perfect sense to me and the tips are really important and necessary nowadays.
I just saw this recommended to me after having a mental breakdown and putting myself down for being too soft...too much of a people pleaser...cause then people tend to take it for granted or it just becomes exhausting cause I'm tryna be nice. And I noticed it's only when I'm angry my sharp side comes out and it goes all the way to the other side of the soft-sharp spectrum .Thanks for this video at the right time that I really need it to learn to have balance.
Im watching this video every single morning for the next 2 weeks. You explained to me exactly why i cant keep a job despite being a solid employee. I usually leave because once i stand up for myself people just scoff and body language basically says "who are ypu to stand up for yourself?? You dont have that right you shud be treated like ish" . And then the gossip starts and then my hours get lowered because im now seen as a headache for speaking up and im basically quiet fired(sublty pushed out) or i quit.
This is so beautifully explained, I have recently discovered I grew up with an inferiority complex and have noticed how it manifested in the way I choose to communicate with the world around me- now that I am healing and bringing into balance this part of myself, so it can reflect on the outside with how I carry myself, your video showed up in perfect timing. Thank you for taking the time to make this video, it brought a lot of clarity to how I have been expressing myself and given me some great tools on how I can utilize softening or sharpening my tone when appropriate
I love that youtube showed me this on my home page. I was new to the way that you express things but I learnt quickly what you meant, and I truly think you used the correct terms and definitions. The exaples grow on high level of understanding, plus this was so fun to watch, thank you and I give it an 11/10.
This is so useful. Wondered why one of my single friends at work is always so frosty with other women (including me) yet soft with men. Makes sense about the superiority complex, she’s not a bad person, just feels inferior. Lovely to have an understanding like this. 😊 Thanks for this x
So glad I clicked on this video. When you talk about sharp and soft, I have 2 characters that come to mind that I think illustrate this well: Luna and Ginny from Harry Potter. One is soft the other is sharp but very balanced (when they get older at least) and they're both very powerful in their authenticity.
I am very thankful for this video popping up in my life. I have been struggling with my emotions and thought that I wanted to put out when I disagree with my family. I didn't know exactly what my intention was and that only speaking that I was always right and they were always wrong. What I was saying here was in the past. But now, I am still struggling to speak my mind, my point of view because when I am trying to be aware of my emotion and trigger and then suddenly they sharing their opinion and I got trigger and when I knew it, I was in my sharp state. Your video has organized my thoughts and emotions the way that I feel like I am almost there but come back to my sharp state. When I didn't see this video, I kind of conscious knew that when I spoke slowly, I was able to speak out my mind and boom the magical bloom like suddenly I speaking like I am more wiser and open spaces but, but I was still not learning my lesson even deep deep deep down something is telling me that I almost in the right direction but I was too trigger and taking everything people say into heart and just accept the fact that it is okay for people to not disagree with you or do not see the way you do. Today's I learned that, speak with intentional, not about who is right or wrong. And yes, breathing is so so underrated, and I learned that it is okay to speak your mind, but speak slow with intention, breathing and humor. Balance it out with soft and sharp. Nothing needs to be taken seriously. You gain a subscribers ❤
this video is complete breakdown of factors which contribute to sharpness and softness of people i feel like i've took a mini course . The concept , quality , the writing of the video everything is on point . two things i've noticed about you ariel is that the way you articulate things and your body language which gives an composed confident vibes or aura and i suggest you to make videos on these topics . thank you and lots of love 💞
I'm sharp cause I've always been good at witty comebacks or just being plain honest to people. My peers find me too intimidating and say I'm being mean but I've found that when I act Soft (or what I thought was soft) they try to take advantage or they waste my time. Its also energy draining for me to pretend to be soft. Guess I'll try again to balance both or just stay friendless, lol. This was a great video, by the way.
Or you can be kind with boundaries. People like that, you get your point across in a socially eloquent manner while letting others know where you will or won’t stand. You will always make friends with this and sift out who does and doesn’t respect your boundaries.
I agree.. I am very sharp.. and I am on a similar boat as you. Soon as I feel people are taking advantage I feel the need to question and confront the person… and it’s very difficult to not do that. I’ve learned to breathe .. but, I go silent and can’t really come back from the silent “treatment.” I’ll nod, or work with you if it’s for work. But, at that point idc what happens to me (if I get written up, or talked to for bad behavior) , or what happens to our relationship. It’s very triggering for me. .. I also am not easily attached to people, and feel everyone has this alter ego that can switch, so it’s hard to find that balance.
I really needed this today. I have to attend a party tonight that I’m not keen on going to. Many of your tips will help me. Thank you. First time viewer, now subscribed.
Being able to breathe is very important, take a minute or few seconds to breathe is very necessary and should be done in any situation you feel stressed
thanks for systematic video. Most needed RN for me personally. being a super awkward public speaker yet needed to speak as part of my professional life. i learned much from this short video
going through a big transition for the 5th time in the last 14 months and so glad i came across this video, when I want to make sure i know about my intentions and avoid feeling inferior and feeling pressured or guilty for choosing what's right. definitely wanna work on being sharper! thank youuu!
I didn't know it was possible to have both superiority and inferiority complex 😂 I don't know when it started but my social anxiety became prominent in the last two years. I'll use this thanks.
I feel like the former is a defense mechanism that forms after the latter. One feels off-kilter compared to everyone else, so to compensate, we lurch in the opposite direction.
great video! nuances like this make such a difference in how we perceive and are perceived by others. Its a great start to have all this concepts cleared out :)
hi, thank you for uploading this video! i have been searching for a video like this for a while but had no clue what to even search for. i recently started working for a catering company that does pretty cool events for wealthy people. I feel out of my comfort zone working and interacting with wealthy people so i tend to behave more inferior than superior. I always go into these gigs feeling anxious, as if i don't belong and i tend to ramble on and on or say something that doesn't make sense? I end up getting in my head and the next day, replaying all the things that i thought went wrong. something that slows me down and paces me is reminding myself that i am good enough, i am worthy and i do belong. i really like working for this company, the pay is amazing and i feel like this is a healthy challenge for me to grow in my social interactions and feel more comfortable around people who are doing financially better than me.
Definitely helped me realize some things about my shadow self. Thank you for this type of content I appreciate you and glad this was my first video of being introduced to you ! 💖
I’m so proud of the outside work you do to develop your content. Beautiful Holistic approach to addressing social interaction and addressing THE SELF… I love you.
Thank you so much for sharing this content!! it really helps a lot🥰 was wondering if you would ever do a topic on how to openly talk to close friends when you are offended or feeling uncomfortable?
Since there are more nuances to the way we respond/express ourselves than just naming or labeling with one word, it's really hard for me to say if I'm like THIS or like THAT. So, when you said that we're constantly switching between both sides, that makes a lot of sense and leaves room for the complexity of our minds. I'd say the perception I have of myself is that most of the time I'm meek or feel inferior on the inside, but the expression still comes out as being unsmiling and stern but without any exertion of power. So, it's not totally soft if you look at my face, but again, my people-pleaser tendencies lead me to always end up looking unsure and not confident. There are also times when I feel superior (usually when I'm sure I know something better than others), and I can really sense that from within. In the end, I say things I feel I shouldn't have said because that makes me look totally uncool, acting like I-KNOW-IT-ALL. All things considered, I can relate to what you mentioned about feeling inferior or superior and how that superiority actually comes from a place of feeling inferior and insecure because, in the end, it's about showing to prove what you've got.
I love the sharp yet sweet premise and practice. I’m one or the other but sharpness doesn’t make me feel good abs neither does people pleasing. This middle ground feels scary yet empowering.
The best thing that helped me is 1. Always write down your intention when you go into a meeting and how I want to be perceived. This helps me calm my reactivity and redirect me to what’s important. It’s especially effective if the meeting is with people that I know can be difficult or if the topic is a heavy one. 2. I put a sticky note on my door, that asks me: what’s my intention and what’s my energy every time I exit my house. This helps me be the person I want to be even when I’m feeling down, upset or whatever. Other people should not suffer from my bad attitude just because I’m having a bad day.
This was awesome. I had to take notes and everything. I am soft in the outside world and sharp at home. It was very nice to see that both have similarities and it was broken down so well. Thank you! I really want to work on communicating as I realize that the communication issues that surround my life mostly stem from me. 🙃 "Hi, it's me. I'm the problem, it's me." 😅
This is really cool content, please make more! In an era where quantitative capabilities are slowly getting superseded / made obsolete by readily available information & quantifying functions (via digital tech), the real differentiator in this next decade will be based on your social capabilities. To put a framework around the abstract stuff in this area is to truly understand it, and to go far beyond our typical intuition & the life lessons you pick up from your parents, experiences, etc.
Thank you so much, i wish one day i could achieve this. It is the most difficult thing i’m trying to achieve and i know i would be in so much peace with my sled and others… thank you.
I love how relatable the content is with what I've been feeling recently. I mean there's this thick line between sharpness and softness that we all possess. And it's truly endearing for me, to watch someone like you acknowledging that we can be both at the same time. I think there needs to be balance between both, and it's okay to be soft and strong at the same time. Thanks for the tips and trick! Truly helps and insightful. Keep going!! 💪✨
Best tutorial of this kind I've ever seen, I just found your channel and I'll be binging your videos. I'm a Taoist, deeply appreciate this practical guidance.
I'm a sharp person by nature. Southern Greeks are laconic and direct. My family is Noblility but I have always been too much of a people pleaser but with a big ego but not confident , always feel superiority to cover insecurities. You've shown me that I even am these things. I have many years of working with the public and I have implemented ways to accomplish much. I have a calm demeanor regardless of the emergency . The vid had helped me identify characteristics and be aware of it. I work around alot of people and I subbed now to get insight about my nature. The breathing tip is SpotOn. The slower speech when communicating is simple but difficult 🧛🏻♀️🤘🏻🖤 I'm around a back handed person at school and they laugh pad ut sounds like a witch's cackle.
I so WISH I found this when I was working in a corp environment in NYC, I could never stand up for myself and be sharp when I’d get constantly cut off in meetings…
Nice insight. Often people overcompensate bullies via softness, and that is part of a bully’s expectation/ routine to groom victims. No matter how soft or sharp you are, it may draw criticism or dislike but it should be respected anyway. And while I agree with most of your points. Unfortunately certain personalities pick “victims” to project upon and are triggered by.. it could be they wear a bright lipstick, or are of a certain ethnicity or stature.. it isn’t always coming from you. But it is very important to consider that very very carefully, since you have control over yourself.
Thank you for this- I found my self in a position the other day- I was triggered and couldn’t articulate what I needed. This is going to help me do better next time - thank you.
I mix both because I have no patience for beating around the bush. It hurts my head. So i say the thing i need to say but I say it slowly and gently but not sheepish. So its clear that there is no negative emotion attached (no fear, no anger, no anxiety, no judgement, indifferent to your response) but i do mean what i say. I remain emotionally neutral. It works pretty well for me.
I went into this video thinking, I dont really need to learn this... but you are so good at explaining things that.. wow , you have made me realize ALOT, of things! thank you so much for the video :D!!
Loving your videos Ariel! I totally needed your advice on intend breathe and go with it. I'm either a people pleaser or have a rude tone, theres no in betweeeeeen. But I want to be better and I'm going to!
Love this! I am a soft speaker in general, but I noticed there are a few people in my life that I will communicate sharply to. After watching your video, I realized their energy gave me the impression that they are trying to project superiority, and then I automatically will try to combat it by being sharper than intended. Im gonna work on my balance, thanks for the awesome video!
this is great. refreshing to hear at a time where most young people are obsessed with 'speaking their truth' and 'standing their ground' but at the cost of just being plain rude and unmoving in their biases and opinions. learning not to be so OFFENDED when someone has a different perspective than you and saying things like "how can you say/ think that? are you serious?" (offended exasperated voice) especially when you were the one that started the conversation and the other person is just being honest or trying to show you a different perspective. to me thats belittling. we have an epidemic of high horse riding
this is the ultimate "fake arguments that you made up in your head" post. this is absolutely useless information for a normal person.. why did i watch this? all i got was a glimpse into the entitled gen z woman's mind.
Needed this. I have a terrible tendency to speak before thinking. I know I'm not unintelligent or coarse, just used to doing things quickly. I wish you could be a tiny fairy whispering in my ear when I'm on dates or having intense convos with people. Honestly if my therapist were this instructive and clear with me I would be so much better off.
I was engaging with a tweet the other day about how a lot of people who call themselves “blunt” are just rude. I never made the inferior/superior connection but it makes so much sense. you did a great job talking about this
i really really like this video, it is in a style that is not very common, you do what is often missing in videos like this. You first explain or present how it looks, then point how why it feels "sharp" or "soft" and then explain what elements like "pitch" "pace" etc. then before we know it you start LEADING us to practise
I'm new here but great video! I've spent years people pleasing and having a method to be sharper and express my true feelings without feeling rude is HUGE. Thank you!
another way to see it is, people critizice sharp responses because they don't allow themselves that kind of assertiveness, and feel like other people's responses should be similar to their own.
