How to Be Single But Not Alone | Sandals Church 

Or running Sunday school...

My church expected singles to work in the church nursery so the married couples could worship in church we were suppose to be their unpaid babysitters

A radical change needs to come. This deliberate exclusion of singles is very wrong. It's extremely distressing, & something needs to happen. I'm tired of wives seeing us single women as a threat to their marriages. I DON'T do married men. I don't even do men with girlfriends or fiancees. Neither do others. If only they'd give us a chance, but there is a teaching going around re 'affair-proofing' marriage which is resulting in this behaviour. I'm 61, & it's still happening to me, & other women of my age. Ridiculous! We must pray, & find others to pray for us.

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I've never been pestered for being single. I feel ignored and don't fit in.

Hi friend, thanks for your comment and input. As a church we do need to take more care of the singles in our congregations. We'd love to get to know you more personally and see where we can get more connected. If you're interested, would you mind sending us an email at online@sandalschurch.com

i have learned to keep to myself in church and not socialise. I am happier and at peace.

Seems like you single men are experiencing a similar thing to us single women. Even married women are reluctant to even chat with us after a church service, and their husbands are always at a 'safe distance'. It's a fact here in the UK that wives view us as a threat to their marriages. They're making us an 'Under-Class' and that's wrong. Some churches are heavier re this than others. But you have to go searching. I don't know how to advise you. I hope it's not as bad for you. But here in the UK life is extremely isolating, even for those of us who have tried so hard to reach out socially to others. We single women are treated like pariahs, even if we haven't tried to seduce or steal a married man. It's a kind of 'blanket ban' on us, even those of us who have reached out '60's. I really do hope you find other friends. Maybe find friends in other churches too?

His focus is not on that part I guess..... N the only hope is in God for burning..... God can fight all our battles, the problem with us is that we choose which ones we want Him to deal with

True

What this verse means when read in context is NOT that people should marry just to have sex. It means that people should really only pursue marriage if a man and woman cannot otherwise exercise self-control, and would fall into fornication if they do not actually marriage. The ideal is SELF-CONTROL and not being in a position where one has to marry to avoid fornication.

@@user-qu6xp3jq4c --problem is that Paul concedes that some cannot reach the ideal. In his day it was easy to get married, so he proposed that as the solution. Our day is different, so those who can't reach the ideal or get married will be living in sin, and the church has no good answers

Thank you for watching Joy!

Tony Rowan good point. But most rushed to the wedding party as fast as humanly possible. I helped run a church singles ministry for a few years and it was breathtaking how rapidly nearly every guy pursued a wife, stepping all over other guys to meet their magic mate. Give me a happily married family man who loses his wife then loses his kids and then and only then tells you and I this message, that being single is better, then he will have credibility. This guy in the video can tour the world telling us how great it is being single knowing he comes home to a pretty wife and kids. Some of us were raised in hard families and or are ugly and or have suffered setbacks. I have no hope of ever being married or ever having kids. It’s made more painful when we have to hear about how great it is. It isn’t.

Tony Rowan 56. at this age I can possibly find a divorcee or a has-been/blended nightmare/multiple family with kids of different men before me. locating a lady who could still (barely) have a kid? Impossible. I was willing to pay perhaps someone overseas 200,000 just to have my kid and divorce me as soon as he/she is nursed... but I don’t know how to arrange this. I was considered average or below average in looks, shy or mild mannered and when I ran the church singles ministry, as a volunteer, couldn’t get anyone interested in me. I struggled even to make guy friends. Romance then and now was impossible. Then, I was making over 900k a year with my business and didn’t tell people about this. So it wasn’t cash. It wasn’t completely lack of looks. I think it was being hopelessly ordinary and boring. Women in these church singles groups often want intrigue, exotic, and will trade even abuse for a guy who’s deemed manly or somehow interesting. My advice to Christian young ordinary conforming, boring guys like I was (during my dating years)? Get a lady pregnant when you’re young. Why? You will at least age with kids and purpose. You might be treated well by the church as you’ll still be a coveted “father,” and have a lifetime to repair the bad relationship or find another. But doing nothing and waiting on the Lord as I did? Big mistake. there’s no magic out there. I have been told I’m intelligent. I did attend an ivy league university for about a year, but ran out of funds and parents got divorced.

I see it this way, the reason why married people preach about singleness is because they already experienced the hardships of being married and they want us to realize that we have to love our season of singleness and just focus on the Will of God. My sister would always tell me that IT IS A HARD SEASON, harder than what we think or imagine. We see marriage as something like in the movies (filled with butterflies, romance) wherein fact, it is an endless dying to self. I love listening to the elders in faith, for they went through a lot and were able to overcome by the help of our Lord Jesus Christ ❤️

@@Bmwguy2011 No matter what, don't be discouraged and don't despair. Though I am young and single, I do empathise with your pain of wanting to be married, but never marrying. Married pastors should be more sensitive to the feelings of others who are not single by choice. I think though, another way to see married pastors preaching about singleness is this: that marriage is no where near as easy, fun, or even pleasant as people are often made to think. As Julliann said, it is not like the movies as far too many think, and full of hardships. I mean, I can't even imagine what it would be like for a man to be married to an awful, diabolical, evil, narcissistic jezebelic witch of a wife! And many women are like that! Including those in church! I can't even imagine and I shudders me to even begin to think about the pain such men have to endure!

@@jllnne Agreed. I'm a single myself and I feel that singles really need not feel that a married person talking about singleness is less credible or not in the best position to speak about it. Just like how singles can talk about marriage, likewise, married people can talk about singleness. Married pastors who speak about the subject often do so, from a good place. They genuinely do want to help singleness understand that singleness is NOT only NOT a curse, but a blessings and have many advantages, such as flexibility of time, pursuits etc. There are many things singles can do that married people can't! This includes focus on further studies, learning new things, travelling whenever you want and however you want, etc.

Yes on the involvement no on the marriage

Try to find other churches. Lots are 'family-focussed' and cut us out. Pray about this.

Are you still single? Or has God brought you a spouse?

@@hamilton9651 haha!!!

@@hershpuri that's how you respond after 5 years? Whatever...

​@@hamilton9651 i am sorry ... do i know you? (I am taking a break from speaking in Christianese...) Job of the church is supposed to be creating spaces where people seek God .. Love God.. point people to God .. Churches make that very hard! they just cause so much damage!

@@hershpuri I was merely asking if you had found someone after 5 years. No I'm pretty sure we don't know each other, but even strangers can encourage and support one another.

@Tony Rowan blah blah blah. Cliche. Lol

Call me gay. I’m not. But the opposite is true as well. Single guys treat other single guys terribly. So even male friendships are harder for singles. I gave up 20 years ago on getting married or having kids. But I didn’t know how hard it would be just to make a few guy friends in church. It’s a lonely lonely walk.

@@Bmwguy2011 Pray fervently for some good male Christian friends. I will pray for you by name. You seem very lonely based on what you have said in this comment section.

@@user-qu6xp3jq4c thanks. I think I represent millions.

Pray for good female friends. Ask for God's guidance & wisdom & discernment. I've had some great single male friends, platonic, but really good. Pray for good male friends too. Mutual respect & support helps a lot too.

Marriage is meant to be a replica of Christ & His church. Whatever God makes is perfect & good, according to God! Marriage isn't bad - but perhaps you chose the wrong spouse. We all have to live with the consequences of our own actions. 🤷🏾‍♀️

@@annelinepadayachee Don't blame them. You don't know their story. What if it wasn't them who chose the wrong spouse? What if it was their spouse who stopped following God? What if their spouse chose an addiction over God? What if their spouse began having an affair? It's not that they CHOSE the wrong spouse!!! The spouse may have been the right choice in the beginning, but maybe it was the spouse's choices that ruined this person's ministry. Without knowing the full story, it is wrong of you to tell them they may have chosen the wrong spouse! Don't place the blame on them.

That's right. Many spouses can be unreasonably demanding, extremely controlling, harsh, or just outright nasty and mean. Some are just bullies and constantly bully their spouse! Human beings are never perfect and always fallible, whereas Jesus is always perfect, infallible and always faithful.

That's why us man should follow Jesus Christ. (Yeshua Hamashiach) Then our mates will follow us as we follow Christ

Maybe picking a better spouse than an available one..? Conversations with Jesus are fine, but there's only so many silent dinners one can put up with. Even God said it ain't great for Adam to only talk to Him... When will we be honest with a) the fact that the church pushes marriage & family as the ultimate goal & hence so many enter into it with whoever is available, come with the right bible translation & have done children's ministry/missionary work rather than align in their God-given purposes; and b) 50% of Christian marriages end up divorced - clearly we ain't doing marriage right; c) prolonged singleness is the pits. Period. The years turn into decades & many a single person doesn't want to end up in that divorced statistic. But if you're cautious, you miss out. How is this logical, equitable, or correct? Christianised helps no one.

@@annelinepadayachee Hi Anne, you're absolutely right! I've just started communicating this issue to various christian organisations. You're right about how many choose a mate too. Don't know if you're aware, but here in the UK wives see us single women as a threat to their marriages, and cut and shut us out accordingly. This is the result of some very wrong teaching on 'affair-proofing' marriage, I believe. And it's so very wrong, and it's affecting single men too. This, I believe, is not true Christianity. Singles need to be socially included, but these married women are so afraid. Real change needs to come. We must pray, and find others who are understanding, & who will pray too, & for us.

That is not what this verse means. It means generally that God created woman from man to ensure the completion of God's creation of nature. It does NOT mean that men will be lonely without women and vice versa.

Spiritual Goddess There was a different event where they spoke. There should be a video

ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-H5IJm2t0PDc.html

Yeah I'm with you on that Spritual I lose interest on married people preaching singleness.

Samuel Castora I’ve actually enjoyed watching and listening 🤷🏻‍♂️

I'm 61, and I can assure you it's extremely lonely and isolating. I'm no longer that bothered about marriage. I'm not desperate. And I'm certainly not going to chase any more men. But today's church doesn't care about singles over 40. Fact. And it's not just my opinion. FACT.

Please define "good woman"? Genuineness curious.

I really believe a good foundation to a good marriage is a very good friendship. Take your time, don't get all caught up with romance etc too soon. I'm certain there are good men & women out there. After 39 years as a christian I've decided not to look for a husband, but to pray for a good male friend. Then see how it goes. God bless.