How to come out of a chronic freeze response after repeated stress & trauma || IRENE LYON || Q&A 

Now I have a name for what I have experienced many times since infancy. My dogs know when this is happening and wrap themselves around me, and this makes me feel safer. I know that sounds childish coming from a 56 year old woman, but they do.

This is such important information for so many people. My own mode of survival when I was a small child was freeze and I became alienated from my body as a result of my experiences with the parents. I've spent most of the rest of my life in it, slowly being able to come out into the open as a result of many years of hard work trying to heal. I spent five years or so in very intense trauma therapy until recently, a lot of which was very painful and scary but necessary for me to experience. I'm 70 years old and I'm finally being able to begin to reconnect with my body. I'm very thankful for the videos like this one and the people that do the work of helping us to heal. Thank you

This video brought understanding and a somber emotion. I've been living on alert for as long as I can remember. Jesus help us heal. 🙏 ❤

Wow finally validation for what I’ve been going through my whole life. Abusive parents led to abusive relationships I’ve never felt safe and flee having people call me crazy. PTSD is such a difficult thing to deal with.

The pressure for perfection for a smaller child evokes the fear of “I can’t do it” and therefore Im not lovable and will be abandoned. Emotional shut down and stuck.

Spiritual abuse - also leads to freeze. Fear of life.

That's me : a chronic constriction of the throat, chest and guts because soooooooo many times, I had to hold in my tears. I'm my forties now, I only recently realized that I was in functional freeze. And I'm on the journey to get out of it.

Thank you for mentioning the child reader. It feels so alienating when schoolteachers and other children's parents and therapists and doctors diagnose you as having Aspergers or being on the autism spectrum or even having a schizoid personality disorder, when reading and being silent and trying to become invisible (especially in families where the child was physically and sexually abused) was just the best and only coping mechanism available. It becomes maladaptive at school and in the workplace, where extroversion are overvalued, but it still has its strength. See Susan Cain's book : 'Quiet. The power of the introverts in a world that cannot stop talking'

I buggered off and isolated myself. Steered clear of my family as a whole. Oh my this is me as a kid and present. I'm 62 and it has been defining me even though my parents have been dead for years. Other "adults" have taken their place perpetuating the freeze.

Trauma can come into people's lives at any time during their lives, it's not just from childhood. I experienced workplace bullying and I have a trauma (fight/flight/freeze) about that now.

There's something really soothing and validating how you refer to children as little people. That feels easier to connect to.

This video made me realize that living in the apartment complex I live in is perceived as abuse by my brain/subconscious, same as when I was living with my mother. The walls are superthin and you can hear everything here, which means that I cannot live normally whatsoever. I can hear them, they can hear me. I love to sing but I cannot because ppl get angry. I have a schizophrenic neighbour on the other side of the wall, and she started pounding her hands on the wall like a maniac once when i was practicing a few years ago, and she constantly screams everyday into the wall, so it sounds like she's standing in my livingroom doing that. I feel trapped and scared, almost constantly. Thank you for this video.

The 2 fundamental needs of humans is connection and authenticity. With abusive/sick parents we have to suppress our authenticity in hope that we can attain even a small chunk of connection. Healing- recovery:is to recover our authentic selves again or for the first time.

This is the mind's way of protecting ourselves. Just know that you can come out of it. Be kind and patient with and to yourself.

I refer to it "Like a deer in the headlights" My family and friends never could understand.

I've experienced the "internal buildup of emotions" -- I have to REALLY sit down for a while and create space to begin processing -- the body has seemed terrified to make any noise (has been terrified of disturbing others) this has included neighbours. However at times it's let go and just let it all out and that feels amazing.

Adhesive Capsulitis, aka Frozen Shoulder is the ultimate example of pain and freezing from fear.

5:15 really resonated with me as a child of a religious parent. My mom found her faith while i was still a kid and i think that is when i started feeling unsafe. The world suddenly became full of sin and demons trying to take us down

I'm and in my late 20s and this freeze is taking over my life. I end up so tightly closed that I literally can't move sometimes and have to stay in bed due to the tension and pain. I Can't wait to watch the whole video and hear how I can stop this. Its definitely an internal battle. I am so tired of the constant fighting. Through my own observation of my body its as though, I subconsciously try to repress any emotion that is a big one, such as fear, or anxiety and this energy is locked into my body and my subconscious has a death grip because it thinks its safer to hold tighter than to let go . .🥴 I remember feeling fear of fear and trying to hide my feelings of anxiety or any feelings because it was scary to experience them and I didnt know what they were or it wasn't safe to show my true self... Even as an adult.. glad to have found this community. I have felt so alone feeling like no one understands my experience.

I went into freeze response about 10 years ago and have been stuck there ever since. I didn’t know there was such a thing. I’m hoping this will be the key to unlock this grievous non productive scenario. Thank you!

This makes total sense. I would notice how HUGE my feelings were and how I didn't know how to manage them (feel them, release them, etc), but now that I'm learning about trauma and disregulated nervous systems, it all makes sense. And I see my own shut down and how it wasn't safe for me to express these feelings as a child.

I froze for 25 years. I couldn't protect myself no matter how I tried. I stayed quiet. Only after I made my abusive h leave could I feel safe enough to set boundaries and say no more. I am so sad that it took me so long

I hope anyone reading goes beyond this video and can seek help. There’s so many affordable options out there. It’s hard because you may be in the freeze response that even keeps you from seeking help. I pray the Lord gives you strength to do so.

5.43 "I can't sing.When I want to. I've been told to shut up". That hit the nail on the head. Just today I told my piano teacher about the freeze response and why I haven't practised for a whole week. Told her I need to "un-freeze". At 55, I need to un-freeze fast, so that I can fulfil my dream of becoming a musician. Thank you for this video. I recommended a book to my teacher, her daughter-in-law seems to need it: "Complex Ptsd, from surviving to thriving".

Even after years of meditation I have a freeze response that will kick in for days if I am verbally assaulted at work. It's during that time that I can't really defend myself that I usually get fired. Work is the only place I feel completely defenseless because management can assault you at any time, and if you complain they just make it your fault.

1st step is getting away from the people who are trying to harm us. Even simple interpretations at someone else's convenience. Ppl won't often stop; like children, adults wanna get what they want no matter if you've said no to them or not. Saying no is setting healthy boundaries but also standards must be made as well for what to do when boundaries are crossed. We cannot keep forgiving those who trample our boundaries. I needed a safe home with a lock and no roommates. It has been almost impossible and my girlfriend had to leave me during the time I was beginning to fight my family to back off. They couldn't stop their habit if feeling free to interrupt me at all hours of the day/night for whatever they decided they felt like; venting their traumas or complaining or simply not wanting to be alone. A human cannot be used as a teddy bear. Ppl in my life would have temper tantrums if I wouldn't be their teddybear whenever they decided they wanted it. I have to take care of myself. I was so good at putting myself aside and caring for others, my gf enjoyed that at the start but slowly we both had to see I had to learn to take care of myself and it meant I had to out others on hold. She couldn't be around when I was setting standards and ending connections with family. They weren't taking no for an answer. It's extremely unhealthy that family & friends can do that and not stop when they are told. We fight as a society to say no means no, for sex. But we aren't facing as a species that no means no all the time and adults have to accept it. It's running our lives that we can't be heard when saying no and can't take it for an answer. It's simple, but since we are acting like infants and trying to get our way anyways, its a major disruption. We do have to fight. We have to push ppl back and away and stand our ground. Notice when someone cannot respect you. Respect yourself enough to start. If they can't stick to your boundaries it's the same as someone who keeps spitting on your carpet. They have to be asked to leave. Then you will start to become an entirely new person. I've found it hard to lose close friends but in the end they weren't going to start respecting me until I did and even then they were wanting the old version of me back. I wouldn't have it. I'm in the process of becoming new and now, the key is to be happy with where we are and with what we have. To find what makes us burst with joy! It's hard to find and also hard to maintain and create but to sit all day in joy is what makes ppl's lives fantastic. It will attract you to more and more joy. Enjoy it! Enjoy life in every moment possible. Anyone who's making life miserable for you has to go.

OMG I have been saying this for years, or trying to, in a very rudimentary way(you said it so much better and succintly), about my childhood. Untreated adhd and generational trauma with demanding parents, academically... my system was never built properly!! THANK YOU!!!

Wow! I'm 37 and still can't cry. My traumas are causing so many PTSD symptoms. I need to heal so badly so I don't pass this on to my daughter 💗

Wow you just described me and my upbringing. Dealing with freeze from trauma and anxiety. This is so helpful!!!

I'm watching your video on chronic freeze. I'm in my 60s & I'm in shut down all my life. I got shakes, flashbacks while watching this video

You're correct about the severity of emotional abuse. I can across a 30 year study that concluded emotional abuse has a long term detrimental impact more so than sexual or physical abuse does.

I'm so grateful to have found this video and your channel. Thank you for explaining what has been going on with me for probably my whole life. I'm now nearly 52. I can see that I'm frozen and full of a life time of fear, trauma and suppressed emotions. If I wasn't so frozen right now I would be crying. I can't even feel my feelings. I have often said to myself "I don't know how to feel safe" and I have given up. I have been feeling l like I'm going insane because no one has been listening to me, not even doctors or therapists, and it has been making me feel alone and disconnected. Thank you for validating my experience and making me feel less alone.

That is absolutely true. My parents are so convolutedly neurotic that they pretend to be all tolerant but underneath they judge non stop. They outwardly say they welcome everybody but inwardly they are super disappointed when the daughter plays the violin badly or sings out of tune. They only tolerate world star classical musicians and their kids are really secretly not allowed to be mediocre in anything. This caused me massive hatred that I have to live with. Been through Primal Therapy and vented some anger. But that therapy process is very lop sided. We need a much more holistic and wide spectrum approach to therapy. It is my dream that one day there will be therapy centers that offer free therapy for everybody where we can throw our bodies against the padded walls screaming. Where we can talk and really feel safe sharing the emotional pain with others.

I hope you know how beautiful you are. Within my heart I thank you with every ounce of my being. I have been SEARCHING for an answer like this. Your channel, is where my healing starts, tonight. I have been searching everywhere for this. I have been frozen for so long but I thought I was just going crazy, Ididn't know this was an actual thing. And I have had SO much fear in the past 4 years that of course all of me would freeze up and shut off! And OMG! I do NOT have a safe environment to live in, or space from others. Thats why its been taking so long to heal this inner wound. Its waiting until I can be alone to heal itself It does NOT feel safe. This goes back to everything my inner being has been crying and screaming for, and why I kept questioning why I can't function, why there are two parts of me ripping in either direction, knowing I have to stay here and pay bills, while the other part of me wants to FLEE and run away from everything I know to start new again and feel SAFE. WOW. I cannot thank you enough. I feel like the universe brought me this video in my recommended videos after searching so long for the answer. God bless

2 decades of an abusive marriage has me so frozen that I can’t laugh, cry, sing, dance, write, read or any of the things I used to enjoy as a kid and teenager. I want to heal from it so that I can reverse whatever damage I’ve inflicted on my 3 kids

You have really put it into a nutshell. Even as a now independent adult with RA, I look back and Im still astonished. It was crazy then and even now,beyond understanding. Very hard to let the anger and rage go.

Girl!! I don't know who the hell you are but you are absolutely phenomenal and right!!!! by 30 years of age I had neuropathy 100% over my whole body fibromyalgia 100,% over my whole body I was s******* and pissing myself (organs not working right)couldn't walk because of all the falling I kept doing, years in bed then I had what was called a walk-in I healed myself from the neuropathy and fibromyalgia those rare cases they said there was no cure for gone in seconds that's what happened to me!!! yep yep yep then I'm literally reversing the diabetes I was born with....I went from seven insulin shots a day down to two and I'm about to let go of one of them don't think I needed anymore blood sugar is great!!! KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK

Profound. Cried throughout this video realising the only person I've ever felt safe with is my grandad, even as a young child up until now. Whenever the flight or fight in activated I place my hand on my chest and my belly and tell myself over and over again, I am safe.. thank you for this video..

Oh, yes...reading saved me, and I fought for it-she would say: ‘get your nose out of that book!’ NEVER!

14:27 - as when your mother survived an alcoholic father, and you were saturated in unresolved trauma from the womb and trained by constant exposure to anxiety and panic all through childhood...

Thank you for this video. I didn't know my issue had a name. I lived with my narcissist husband for over ten years. And it crushed my health literally. Some of my bones actually crumbled from the weight I carry. When I see his girlfriends now and one after the other needs therapy because of him after a couple of months, I realize how much I carry with me. I will definitely work on my feeling of safety. Because I am safe now.

Cultivation of a felt sense of safety.....little by little.... I used to go to a arts workshop, first did not speak.....then after a year started to open up....thanks for celebrating that....its so cool to remember that.... Finding that safety slowly....then gradually used art to express these emotion s.....memories.....

I really wish psychiatrists and other providers had a better understanding of this. I just started working with a trauma counselor and actually understanding that I’m not broken, or any of the labels or diagnoses that were “given” to me. I’ve been on every med under the sun since I was 11 years old and none of them worked. Probably Because it’s not good to mask and enable the disassociation. I have lived in fight/flight, mostly freeze, my entire life, but that was my normal. I had nothing to compare it to. I didn’t know what feeling safe felt like, still kinda don’t. But I’m getting there. Thank you ❤️

In my battle with PTSD, your talks are so validating. I developed mine while having to be under intense stress and scrutiny while helping others with theirs...a double whammy. I have so much "stuffed", and ultimately collapsed... shutdown. I'm in the "shutdown" stage of PTSD. No energy, no interest, dissociation, numb or triggered, no passion...frozen. Well done.

I was completely unaware that i have actually been living in a freeze state for a long time, your video enlightened me to how i have shut down feeling and emotional involvement probably since i was a teen. I do not know exactly what triggered this but i have went through quite a few traumatic experiences. I have a feeling there was something that started all of this but i don't know what it is. I'd love to be able to get back to my normal self again.... writing this after just watching 4 minutes of your video so i hope the rest can help me understand better.

Thanks 4 your wise words. My neurologist believes my epilepsy stems from high levels of anxiety embedded in my brain from a traumatic childhood.

This is how I feel...numb and right now I've hurt my knee and can hardly walk..great helpful information...thank you ❤

You’re saving humanity. Thanks.

This is probably the greatest video on this topic that I’ve seen outside of my therapists office. I’ve been blessed to find someone who really understands this and it’s helped me so much - thank you for sharing this with the world.

I've spent years shut down in isolation.

Wow...going through it now. Fear has gotten its claws in again. I’m fighting this time. Thank you for this.

I am 47 years old and I have been experiencing this semi shut down for more than 20 years because of neglect from my parents when I wan a kid and then facing mocking from my closest friends, loved ones and acquaintances over time when thing go wrong in my life. This have taking me to not being able to defend or be aggressive towards my aggressors and now my reaction is complete shut down or complete aggressive reactions over everything. There is no in between sometimes. I come from a family business environment gone wrong were a member of our family committed suicide at certain point and of course the rest of us putting all this under the carpets. Among many other abusive toxic environment. Thank you for your video.

This very thing had me reconsider my career path, I kept getting that freeze or flight response in certain situations and then lost a handful of jobs. I felt like I was the problem, hearing the same ol' "just not a good fit". But I see your video and it makes more sense... Also living with autoimmune disease doesn't help. Thanks for these videos, they're an eye opener...

I freeze in ambiguity/everyday situations but I can act when I know what needs to be done (emergencies). My body is primed for that tension almost.

Still stuck in shutdown, trying to imagine safety as nothing seams to be shifting in any feelings or sensations. . So contracted. Must keep trying.. don't give up folks

Thank you for this video. I've been trying for about 30 years to get help for my anxiety/depression,I'm 52, and have been diagnosed with avpd. Nothing has worked as my fears and anxiety are so crippling at times,and nobody or myself has addressed trauma. For as long as I can remember I have been stuck in fight or flight mode but just actually realising its totally in freeze mode, rather than fight or flight. I've had trauma, and religious trauma most of my life. I'm scared out of my head right now, and terrified of having trauma therapy but I know now what I am dealing with,and I badly need help and support.

That was so helpful. I have grown up with verbal, emotional and physical abuse before I could speak, and a lot of these ring true to me. A lot of things make sense. Thanks for the video.

8 years working in myself after a massive existential crisis, still in the path... Thank you so much Irene for this excellent video 🙌 coming out step by step from a shut down, as a psychologist I am starting to work with people again, this has been very helpful. Already suscribed. Thank you so much! 🙏

I have never heard of these concepts until today. Thank you.

Yes!! Thank you!! I have been trying to find someone to help me learn these things my whole life!!

I am an avid #MentalHealthAwareness advocate and performer, and I love this so much. I travel the country trying to bring that awareness on stages, in classrooms, hospitals, and on my RU-vid channel, so I get excited when I see other advocates. 💙❤

Love your commentary, so easy to listen to and incredibly informative. Thank you for sharing.

I’ve been watching so many trauma healing ptsd videos lately and now watching your video a lot is making sense. You do such an amazing job at explaining this is a way that makes sense 💚💚thank you so much

I'm so glad I came across your work! The balanced way you express yourself is therapeutic on itself! Thank you.

You are such a GIFT Irene!.. Watching your videos now. YES!!!!!!!! Thank you!!!!!

This brought me to tears. I feel so seen. Thank you❤️

Wow. This is so good! You are truly a healer. Wonderful channel.

You are just like a loving wise mother 💚

I didn't experience any abuse yet all the examples Irene uses still apply to me! I cringe at the thought of where I'd be if I had an ACE score above one(if it even is one). You don't need to be the victim of abuse to have these symptoms!

Ive been searching for ways out and yours has been the best!!! It makes so much sense!!!

Brilliant, beautiful, kind. 💯 I have worked very hard on my healing and then you show me a whole new path of learning. 💜👑 thx

incredibly helpful, thank you so much! my mum was severely traumatised and a quiet BPD, my dad traumatised and narcissistic. I recall my 2yrs old self scared in the house. I tend to freeze quite often. - Environmental safety - Internal safety - Awake emotions (I use tapping in my front shoulders) Good care and courage to all the survivors

I feel this info was placed before me at exactly the right time. Thank you so much.

I needed to hear this again. Glad I found you on here. Thank you

I've been watching several videos about freeze response. I really, REALLY liked this one. You have such an awesome way of explaining things, with analogies and all. Love it! Subscribed, thank you 😊

Brilliant! And so clearly delivered. Thank you Irene for this wealth of incredible information, guidance & tools. You're awesome!

So, I had both things; didn't get taught 'how to drive' AND had a shock trauma along the way that pushed me off. So that's what I've been dealing with with myself this whole time.

Thanks for this video. You deserve a lot more viewers and subscribers. I hope that many more people find you.

This is so well explained and thorough. I've been working with myself to create this 'map' I didn't receive and I've made a lot of progress. My capacity to hold sensation and intensity had grown so much and continues to because I have safety in my environment and more and more into my body. Life feels different when not seen through the lens of trauma and when you realize that actually the world is not so bad/all bad and there is so much beauty and goodness to be had, both inside and outside. Deeply grateful for people like you who create and offer all the support and to all of us bravely walking the path of healing, integration and incarnating ourselves fully. God bless 🤍🙏🌹☀️🦁⛲🍯🐬🪷

I like how carefully you explain everything makes it easier to learn

thank you so much. pennies are dropping all around... it was the piece of my understanding to date that I was missing. I see now why I am not recovering and the longer I don't recover the more stressed I'm getting. panic runs like a river under the veneer. phew !!

Thank you. I needed to hear this. I find I'm looking for approval often. This video is timeless.

Irene this video was beyond helpful. No words are adequate to express my thanks. Your kindness in sharing this information is healing all that is. Namaste

Oh thank you so much. I've learned a lot. Even though I couldn't find anything new, I've seen a lot of parralles and your visual speech is so wonderful for me to get it. I've lived in such a household and have my hardest time to get out of it, emotionally, after moving out physically years ago. It's hard, but I understand and it gives me hope to solve the problem. Thank you for this channel, I'm glad I found it. By the way, it's AMAZING what difference it can make to be in this place of safety or not. It's like one time this place is hell without escape, the other it is this paradise full of opportunities I never wanna leave. It's insane and I hope everyone can fix this and including me in time. Thanks

Just about the only cure, for fear, is curiosity!

This is genuinely amazing so well spoken and explained

You exude such a spirit of compassion, bless your heart Irene!

My freeze response is traumatizing me more, because it plays into another trauma (not the one that triggered it) that fears more than anything else the symptoms that come with freezing. I just want my brain back...

Our wounded healers are great gifts... but Irene appears to be a welcome guest, with tons of knowledge and experience- I am 3/4 way through my journey with trauma... and I am really liking the over view. Thanks, ma'am...

This is awesome info and needs to become common knowledge for everyone. Cause every human has had trauma. There is so much childhood neglect and abuse to our little children 💕🙏😐

Just amazing and impressive in terms of resilience. God bless the humanity in each and every one of us. Near misses teach us a lot, so glad you made it ❤

This video has helped me greatly, I believe I’m here to help others overcome trauma. I went through it to heal myself coming out of the freeze/fight/flight now while working on my life’s restorative work. Thankful for your channel you’re a healer too!🤝😇🙏🏼✨⚖️💚

I live in the freeze response...thank you for the help!!!

So glad I discovered this. Thank you!

Irene You are the best so happy that there are people like you in this world who are eager to help others

You hit ALL my questions I have been searching for for YEARS. I wish I could become your client.

Its taken me 30 some odd years to realize this, but I just woke up out of a dead sleep with the epiphany that all my suffering is coming from being stuck in freeze response! I've had a theory that my CPTSD has a strong effect on my body, and what you're saying encourages me to try to wiggle free of this. It's like being trapped in a vice. The feeling is very very simular to sleep paralysis but eventually I just feel numb about it and grow accustomed to it. But that feeling of focusing on something that doesn't hurt makes me feel like kicking free! But I'm honestly afraid I can't be any other way. TW:::::::::> My abuse was intense, began at age 4 to the best of my knowledge, and continued til i was 12, included almost daily threats on my life, (he found it amusing to hold guns to our heads and tell us we were going to meet god today, or shoot at our feet, or pretend he was going to ram into concrete pylons on the highway), severe sexual abuse (being told my mother didn’t do her job as a wife so i had to do them for her), watching my mother be beat what appeared to be to death repeatedly, seeing him kill my puppy as a punishment... I just feel ... Like I'll never get out of this. So hopelessly stuck. Is there any hope I can do it? I'm not saying these things to hear, I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm not sorry, so no one else should be. I just want to know, is it impossible for some to get free? Or is it always possible no matter the level of trauma? I just feel so hopeless after decades of therapy, psychoanalysis, psychiatry, meds. But I'm honestly scared I can't ever break free. The second I'm not thinking about it, my mind naturally settles back into freeze mode. I'd have to be self aware of it 24/7 and that's not possible.

When I’m home, I never want to leave or go anywhere. I sometimes wish no one would ask me to do anything.

Great job explaining how the ANS works!

When I was little I felt like I was walking around in complete darkness.