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How to Cope When You’ve Been Left 

The School of Life
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When we've been left for someone else, we'll be devastated of course, but it's easy to up the torture further by thinking that a) the rival is so much better than us b) our ex will be so much happier with them than they ever were with us. Both ideas are profoundly flawed, as our film shows.
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“Sometimes, we are not only left in love; we are left for someone else - a rival who comes to assume a large, indeed monstrous position in our imaginations. The torture comes down to one essential question which pursues us into the early hours: What do they have that we do not?
Part of the agony rests on a basic feature of human psychology; we know ourselves from the inside, in great and dispiriting detail, whereas we can know others only from the outside, from what they choose to reveal, which may be almost nothing, aside from an attractive face and a charming manner.”
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3 окт 2018

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Комментарии : 837   
@laylael1110
@laylael1110 5 лет назад
"No one examined from up close is ever anything other than disappointing." This line was my favorite
@BonDijon
@BonDijon 5 лет назад
Lmao same. I was like "my man, who hurt you 😂"
@srz1993
@srz1993 5 лет назад
I was like, "That freaking hurts man"
@laylael1110
@laylael1110 5 лет назад
Well people are generally disappointing
@Mrs.TJTaylor
@Mrs.TJTaylor 4 года назад
Ourselves included.
@imheretochewbubblegum
@imheretochewbubblegum 2 года назад
How uplifting ;)
@MosesEmmet
@MosesEmmet 5 лет назад
It’s funny how dreamy you think someone is until you spend enough time with them.
@sebastianelytron8450
@sebastianelytron8450 5 лет назад
Only naive teenagers think that way. Anyone with any sort of experience knows everybody has problems and is just human after all.
@jamil1418
@jamil1418 5 лет назад
a lot of adults are still teenargers realtionships wise
@sarah18497
@sarah18497 5 лет назад
Moses Emmet Some people really are dreamy. Even after you marry that person and you two live together for years. Some people can accept their partner's shortcomings and still feel joy and happiness. Maybe life wore you out. Lmao!
@astrocosma
@astrocosma 5 лет назад
This is very true though. I remember having a crush on someone that turned out to be very abusive and manipulative, including very self-centered and boring to talk to. It was a big disappointment but I'm happy I've found someone else as beautiful and as respectful.
@MosesEmmet
@MosesEmmet 5 лет назад
sarah18497 life had a name and ironically her name was Sarah.. 😂 wait.. Sarah is that you? I’m a different guy now- let’s give US another shot!
@DaCasualMMA
@DaCasualMMA 3 месяца назад
Watching this stuff when you're healed hits different... I don't know who needs to hear it, but trust me, you'll be ok
@silviacortes1433
@silviacortes1433 4 года назад
Its crazy but with my ex, I saw his flaws, all of them I saw him for who he truly is and still I loved him. I too, showed myself to him without any masks but he didn't like that at all. So here I am, heartbroken. Wondering how can I have loved someone so much despite of their flaws while they were only falling out of love when they saw mine. It's crazy and truly cruel.
@mqh2411
@mqh2411 3 года назад
It is. I'm sorry for you. You're more mature and better than him. It broke your heart, but it also freed you from an unbalanced and unhealthy relationship to allow you to thrive alone or with someone better. But for now, focus on yourself first, fight for your happiness. And that means you have to slowly, but surely get over him. It's gonna be okay.
@albuspercivalwulfricbriand5363
@@mqh2411 The same applies to me. Only difference is I’m a man. It’s been 1.5 years and it still agonizes me. I just wanted to be happy, and make her happy, that’s all.
@Oni-cf4rl
@Oni-cf4rl Год назад
@@mqh2411 Thank you for your wise words. I wrote them down for when i need to hear it again. ♥
@minutes5138
@minutes5138 Год назад
I feel you. My ex asked me out a year ago but I wasn't sure back then so we decided to be friends so that we could know each other better turns out he fell out of 'love' and I fell into love. We started a relationship which lasted for a few months and now somehow I end up being heartbroken. Life is funny like that sometimes.
@user-og7hj9bs2z
@user-og7hj9bs2z 11 месяцев назад
Same here. Girlfriend didn’t want the relationship anymore. Hurts like hell. I loved her but she didn’t love me back.
@shinslvrstv2171
@shinslvrstv2171 5 лет назад
The only school I attended today
@BY-ux9pi
@BY-ux9pi 5 лет назад
ShinSlvrstv *..... the only school I’ve ever learnt from ...*
@vanyr237
@vanyr237 5 лет назад
Same
@tifftreads
@tifftreads 5 лет назад
LMAO same.
@evm7272
@evm7272 5 лет назад
@@BY-ux9pi pretty well summed up
@datagwaantv7940
@datagwaantv7940 5 лет назад
@@evm7272 check this out
@edabakb
@edabakb 5 лет назад
I think it's important to remember that our rival isn't necessarily chosen over us for being "better" than us.
@tomwanders6022
@tomwanders6022 4 года назад
catdog well mine looked or maybe still looks better than me but I worked on that and I think I just have to get better at school.
@sidismo2903
@sidismo2903 4 года назад
This is true. GF replaced me with someone noticeably less good-looking, less financially stable, and less intelligent. When I asked her why she chose him, she just said because he listened and talked to her, which was weird because being busy with work and spending less time with each other was our mutual decision so we could establish a better life. Sometimes, cheaters or those who leave for another look for one thing that is missing in their current relationship and think it's everything when they see it with the new person. The reality is, however, they're just trading down for scraps of what they think they're missing.
@moonaa4495
@moonaa4495 4 года назад
Beshak
@2_572
@2_572 4 года назад
Sid Natividad how are you doing?:)
@aarushisharma9177
@aarushisharma9177 3 года назад
i think, and correct me if i am wrong, they chose someone else because they feel like they found someone better for THEM than us, not necessarily better, which means we are complete and whole and there's probably someone better our there for us, who fits US more.
@MichaelJayValueInvesting
@MichaelJayValueInvesting 5 лет назад
As much as we want to believe in the fairy tail romance that he or she is "the one", there are many people out there who would be incredible life partners who you could end up loving just as much or more than "the one" you thought you were destined to be with.
@jacob_massengale
@jacob_massengale 5 лет назад
but you don't know who and where they are and will probably never meet them. in short, settle.
@biggus6633
@biggus6633 5 лет назад
Michael Jay - Value Investing And some people are completely undesired by everyone they meet.
@eg9735
@eg9735 5 лет назад
Where they at Michael?!
@royayassai1321
@royayassai1321 5 лет назад
My heart isn't a baseball card that's easily traded.
@finneganswake2248
@finneganswake2248 5 лет назад
May I ask you, sir, if English is your mother tongue?
@sailormoonstone5172
@sailormoonstone5172 5 лет назад
These videos always seem to show up just when they’re needed most, thank you
@shinigamidaikoSS
@shinigamidaikoSS 5 лет назад
Edna Crow I couldn’t agree more.
@MegaReza94
@MegaReza94 5 лет назад
So true.
@abornnation2230
@abornnation2230 5 лет назад
Edna Crow daaamn right if they did not upload this one I would have done something cray tonight
@neverlikedpasta
@neverlikedpasta 5 лет назад
Definitely - the timing on the last few relationship videos have been eerily on point
@tifftreads
@tifftreads 5 лет назад
I agree. 😊
@sebas-chanroboto8035
@sebas-chanroboto8035 5 лет назад
Yayyy we are all mediocre
@ahmadrahimkhan
@ahmadrahimkhan 5 лет назад
Sebas-chan roboto 😂
@ayrmont
@ayrmont 5 лет назад
We are a huge family then~
@Mrs.TJTaylor
@Mrs.TJTaylor 4 года назад
Yes, but uniquely so.
@tomwanders6022
@tomwanders6022 4 года назад
Sebas-chan roboto yup I guess that was the reason why I fell on my face with my dumb Perfektionism. Now I am 3 years older than my classmates because I was afraid to fail and so I always failed
@ryu2043
@ryu2043 2 года назад
I have this favorite quote from bojack horseman: “it’s so sad when you see someone as they really are, it ruins them” And I couldn’t agree more.
@TheTonyEntertainment
@TheTonyEntertainment 2 года назад
My favorite is "when you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look life flags".
@simeonmorris1774
@simeonmorris1774 Год назад
I firmly disagree; the sadness is caused by your clinging to the fantasy you made up in your head about someone, as a way to deflect from your own self hatred. I personally find it exquisitely beautiful to meet the real person, warts and all, as they reflect back to me my own flawed nature. I will love their flaws as much as I love mine.
@ger658
@ger658 5 лет назад
Just today I saw the person I'm in love with, with his new girlfriend. And yes, I also thought that she is perfect for him and why on earth would he ever choose me instead of her. She is more beautiful, taller, younger, probably has a much more interesting life and personality than me. And yes, I also thought that now it's only the beginning and they're still in love and fascinated with each other. And that this is bound to change. I get everything you say and I totally agree with these observations. But the thing is ... he is with her and not with me. And I miss him and I want him in my life. I am rationalizing everything but the pain and torture is here and it's breaking my heart.
@NightZ3r0
@NightZ3r0 5 лет назад
Him being with her is only at this moment. As you said, they are currently in the 'honeymoon period' at the beginning of a crush. Give them time to see each other's flaws, the more space you can give them the faster they will see these flaws. In the mean time, if you really wish to be with that person, the first thing you can do is to improve yourself as a person. When you keep working on yourself, who knows. You might end up loving yourself and realizing the need to be with that person has become a tiny fraction of what it once was. Now you might also be able to make a more objective, rational decision when that person comes back for you - and they will also see how much you've improved yourself.
@polymerizedrecords
@polymerizedrecords 5 лет назад
This is a late comment, but mark my words: Now it sucks but this will prepare you for someone new that will make you happier. Take these experiences and learn and the right person for you will seemingly appear out of thin air. Every disappointment, mistake (even my own), tragedy in my relationships had a much better outcome than I had ever hoped.
@ger658
@ger658 5 лет назад
Thank you! Your words give me comfort!
@ilovesomeone10
@ilovesomeone10 5 лет назад
Man did I write this comment?
@bigcoconuts
@bigcoconuts 5 лет назад
I felt that last part 😭 how are you doing now??? I need to know
@unleashingpotential-psycho9433
I think one of the most important things to remember is that there are plenty of options out there for us. If one option doesn’t work, then there are hundreds of other people who would be a great partner in our lives.
@unleashingpotential-psycho9433
Father Red - Epic Dating Advice For Men 👍🏾
@auk8174
@auk8174 5 лет назад
I do not agree there is hundreds. U do meet optimal numbet of ppl through your life, but not all are concious enough to satisfy you. I would like some1 who is aware enough of himself, with enough integrity, concious etc. I want high starting point, and not to need to fix some1. I want some1 who is already ready for direct, open comunication, with mature emotional state. But speaking of this, when u find one like that, all problems somehow become resolved, without leaving any space for resentment. With mature comunication there are no any rivals to be left for. You are fulfilled already. This topic, i think, is for those who are kind of lower on emotional growth scale.
@ShadyDogg
@ShadyDogg 5 лет назад
@@auk8174 agree 100% ^
@salyghaloum8051
@salyghaloum8051 5 лет назад
Yup you're right somehow ....BTW I've seen you in the comments section in the latest video of TED-ed !!
@jochem1986
@jochem1986 5 лет назад
You have some resentment issues..
@icry4703
@icry4703 5 лет назад
Its weird but I feel like I shouldn't have to fight for someone in a sense, or fight for someone to choose me. Because if he really does like/love me, it wouldn't be a fight, it would've been a victory in the beginning.
@zyrrhos
@zyrrhos 5 лет назад
I've been around the block enough times to know that starting a relationship before the one you're in is resolved is not a good idea.
@The-bi5ry
@The-bi5ry 3 года назад
It hurts when someone you were in a relationship leaves you. But it kills you when your best friend of years suddenly ghosts you and you don't even know why.
@Ethan-rw7ub
@Ethan-rw7ub Год назад
Yup, been there felt that. The worst part was that they were the same person.
@jaspreetkr87
@jaspreetkr87 5 лет назад
It made me feel so much better, especially after understanding the fact that I’ve been left by someone whom I was willing to love despite knowing their fallacies and that it’s more of their loss than mine. Thank you School Of Life!
@alineuwiragiye7704
@alineuwiragiye7704 5 лет назад
Amen I've been rejected and feeling sad for like a month now but with this video I can surely relax and be okay with it. Human are not perfect. I hope he find his happiness and I'll find my calmness.
@lun-uhatic195
@lun-uhatic195 5 лет назад
same sisterrrrrrrrrr, preach the school of life!!
@tifftreads
@tifftreads 5 лет назад
You will. 💜
@RojaJaneman
@RojaJaneman 5 лет назад
I was dumped by my husband for a girl seven years younger. We married young. 12 years of marriage and he found someone during his deployment and left. I sacrificed my career, family, friends. Nothing made him satisfied. Now it’s time to invest in my own happiness.
@sparrowhawk5673
@sparrowhawk5673 3 года назад
Hope things worked out for you. I'm still not over my last relationship that ended more than 2 years ago and has kept getting rejected for. Even though i push back by not contacting them or approaching them its something I think about every day. Its hard to let go when one doesn't know how to.
@colinlogan3397
@colinlogan3397 25 дней назад
How you doing now
@sebastianelytron8450
@sebastianelytron8450 5 лет назад
I just think of what the poor sucker is missing out on by not choosing me for a lover instead😎
@soulocz
@soulocz 4 года назад
Sebastian Elytron Very well said!
@createinnovateomega5191
@createinnovateomega5191 4 года назад
✨🥳
@FrozenKopi
@FrozenKopi 2 года назад
That's just misery talk
@HHH-ye1ro
@HHH-ye1ro 2 года назад
Great perspective.
@tr9809
@tr9809 4 года назад
If they leave you for someone else then it's like a burglar breaking into your house and stealing a bag of rubbish. Yes you've been robbed but what they've robbed isn't worth your time or emotion.
@naisis23
@naisis23 4 года назад
T R 🤣🤣🤣 this is so funny! My dad recently found a dead cat in the yard and put it in a plastic bag and tied the top. He left it on his car before going to put it out with the rest of the rubbish and someone came into the yard and stole it 😭. I was left for someone else but my ex was really annoying and I couldn't get away so his new flame saved my life 🙃
@FrozenKopi
@FrozenKopi 2 года назад
Well put
@rogergr5019
@rogergr5019 2 года назад
Yeah!!!!
@Gangularis
@Gangularis 5 месяцев назад
Wow I love this.
@fernandogomezdelatorre3296
@fernandogomezdelatorre3296 5 лет назад
Practice having confidence in yourself, know that you and only you are tho most important person in your life! Don't let your live be influenced by other, see yourself as valuable and learn to love yourself!
@liza1395
@liza1395 5 лет назад
This comment helped me a lot just now
@fernandogomezdelatorre3296
@fernandogomezdelatorre3296 5 лет назад
@@liza1395 I'm so glad to hear that! I'm thinking about posting a video about that soon!
@simeonamoolongo1759
@simeonamoolongo1759 5 лет назад
olufuko kaech
@liza1395
@liza1395 5 лет назад
@@fernandogomezdelatorre3296 just 4 days ago my 4 year relationship ended. He told me it was because of me but I feel like everything he deemed wrong about me and what was wrong about the relationship I feel were projections of himself. I was a good woman to him. In the morning he told me he loved me. And that same night he ended everything.
@faithfuldesire8136
@faithfuldesire8136 5 лет назад
@@liza1395 Happened with me too. We had amazing sex and then the day after he said we're just friends after telling me he loves me so many times.
@michachristina3634
@michachristina3634 5 лет назад
Be yourself, don't have regrets, learn, grow, adapt, and look at things in a different way. Fill your heart with genuine love, and that will change how you perceive people and things, and how life responds to you.
@goldenbeauty3032
@goldenbeauty3032 4 года назад
So true❤️
@mmm59mmm
@mmm59mmm 5 лет назад
We might be able to travel at the speed of light in the distant future, but we'll never ever be able to escape relationship problems....
@dochmbi
@dochmbi 5 лет назад
The fundamental purpose of life is sexual selection. I'm very glad to have a meaning of life given to me by nature! I'm motivated to work out and to live an active lifestyle so I can maintain a good quality product to sell.
@noshadb.e3111
@noshadb.e3111 5 лет назад
very good way to think about it thanks
@jeremymenning56
@jeremymenning56 5 лет назад
We are all far from perfect. I'll never feel bad for being imperfect again. My ex had standards so high that she will be tossing men out every three or four years after the dopamine and oxytocin cocktail disappears and all the flaws she "just can't oversee" begin to sabotage her latest relationship. In the meantime through self reflection and introspection I continue to grow and accept fundamental flaws of every person I come in contact with.
@madcowrebel4216
@madcowrebel4216 4 года назад
Accepting how disappointing life really is, is very hard and depressing but also very liberating.
@DeVyYnE
@DeVyYnE 5 лет назад
“We all know that light travels faster than sound. That's why certain people appear bright until you hear them speak.” - Albert Einstein (Maybe?)
@RoninCatholic
@RoninCatholic 5 лет назад
That bunny is cuter anyway. Me, I've been left specifically to pursue someone else once - she chose him over me entirely because he was ten years younger, having secretly dated both of us at the same time and once she was through with me, told him that I had been stalking her and must leave her alone. A few months later when he dumped her, she came crying to me and affirming my good qualities yet again, but of course I was well over her by this point.
@jewris.art11
@jewris.art11 5 лет назад
Love Rival? Damn I'm still single. But still watching this. Like if your watching this and still single
@true4848
@true4848 5 лет назад
cuz you are searching for likes lol
@jrobinsondrums
@jrobinsondrums 5 лет назад
I'm single, but this video still helps me view things from an angle that helps me value myself more
@baruchespinoza6703
@baruchespinoza6703 5 лет назад
Maybe we're single because of a love rival took a partner from us
@quinton6091
@quinton6091 5 лет назад
Been single since I was born. I mentally deteriorate because of the loneliness
@AsureyX
@AsureyX 4 года назад
I believe this can happen to people even when they were single. The love-rivalry can be felt in simple jealousy.
@user-tp5bj4db8o
@user-tp5bj4db8o 5 лет назад
reminds me the line "everyone has something substantially wrong with them..."
@kittycatkiss530
@kittycatkiss530 5 лет назад
10 hours ago I got my heartbroken.This was undeniably perfect for me right now. Perfect time, the school of life
@TheAkenox
@TheAkenox 4 года назад
Are you over him now?
@kittycatkiss530
@kittycatkiss530 4 года назад
@@TheAkenox Hell yeah I am! And that same guy tried to hit me up again. NOPE lmfao
@nanpotrer4709
@nanpotrer4709 2 года назад
@@kittycatkiss530 how are you doin'?
@z4k4z
@z4k4z 5 лет назад
I don't see how this helps, when the departed lover still occupies our thoughts and longings. No matter how flawed the replacement may be, we're still without the one we love. In fact, that continued love means we should hope that the new partner turns out better for our departed love.
@gypsyysoull
@gypsyysoull 5 лет назад
Yes!!!!
@noshadb.e3111
@noshadb.e3111 5 лет назад
it helps you to feel good about your self and find your self deserving and live and find other love release your self from acceptance of departed love and find a partner without partner we are in complete thats the rule in this world
@thebookshepherd
@thebookshepherd 5 лет назад
Wowzer. Painfully true - “The deep lesson of being supplanted is not that we are so bad, it’s that we have been left because of a common delusion - that belief that if only one was in a different relationship, one would be happy. And yet, the truth is that more or less every relationship has its own special and beautifully distinct forms of unhappiness.”
@daiana000v
@daiana000v Год назад
This video helped me to heal 4 years ago, thank you. Coming back to it is like coming back to an old friend
@Alistplay
@Alistplay 5 лет назад
Suspicious that this channel recommends videos seemingly knowing whats been going on in my life. Im onto you!!
@luvl3397
@luvl3397 3 года назад
This literally took a load off my shoulders and dried my tears
@marsbarz1648
@marsbarz1648 3 года назад
Good stuff 👌🏿
@jrobinsondrums
@jrobinsondrums 5 лет назад
This is an incredibly helpful video in my long and difficult process of understanding myself and accepting myself for who I am. Thank you for making these videos, I can't imagine how many people you've managed to reach and help through them
@paulphoenix1669
@paulphoenix1669 5 лет назад
damn these videos are so heart warming and re-assuring. Hey you reading this,you're ok. You're awesome.
@paulvoorhies8821
@paulvoorhies8821 2 года назад
Thanks!
@michaelsantos1797
@michaelsantos1797 5 лет назад
"...Strangely consoling truth, that every person in the planet has much wrong with them." this stood out to me. We build a perfect imagine of people in our heads and forget how flawed our thinking and their behavior can be in the midst of what we think is love. Thank you very much for the video.
@sandydanielacamargocasas9983
@sandydanielacamargocasas9983 5 лет назад
The school of Life explain in a few minutes something that It took me several months to understand. Magnificent
@nikeyaa2614
@nikeyaa2614 4 года назад
I’ve been dumped and I’m still trying to heal but this definitely has helped me ❤️
@megavega282
@megavega282 5 лет назад
This is the only content keeping me altogether, I just need to watch more because I definitely don’t watch enough.
@BraedenPS
@BraedenPS 5 лет назад
This hit extremely close to home in a number of ways. Same thoughts same situation, this was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you guys for helping untangle my skull noodle. SoL is some of the best online content available today.
@davidjxsh9541
@davidjxsh9541 5 лет назад
Thank you so much. Thank you helping me realize that. I was just dumped yesterday. Fresh out of a 5 year relationship and the pain feels almost unbearable. But I will get through it. Thank you so much for this.
@MsMarsBarr
@MsMarsBarr 5 лет назад
Love is a choice and a commitment ❣️ thanks for the video! Helps me understand my initial feelings from my ex’s rebound. Plus, an understanding of why my current relationship is going so well now!
@smgp2023
@smgp2023 5 лет назад
This is random but I'm turning 25 this Oct 8th and I didn't have any partners since after college. People around me are trying to pressure me to be in a relationship so I can prepare for my future and idk why I'm not willing to get into one. What I know is, getting into this kind of drama is the last thing that I want in my life right now and I think getting dump for someone is the worst thing that can happen to a person.
@fedyakot
@fedyakot 2 года назад
Yes please take it at your own pace. Do not let others pressure you into a relationship. It is not worth it like that. And the pain of a break up is indescribable.
@sonyavincent7450
@sonyavincent7450 10 месяцев назад
Hi this was a long time ago. Update??
@deriktofil
@deriktofil 3 года назад
This is amazing and its just changed my whole perspective on my recent break up and my ex moving on super quick. That new person will have faults and flaws, just like me, and just like my ex. Its a comforting and reassuring thought. Thank you.
@ATrueLoveOfficial
@ATrueLoveOfficial 5 лет назад
As long as we believe that love exists to a person that we think is meant to be with us, then we will always find a way to be in his side as long as we choose to live.
@tierrapetersen4651
@tierrapetersen4651 3 года назад
These videos bring me so much comfort, when I'm suffering sometimes.
@wishyrater
@wishyrater 5 лет назад
Literally got dumped for someone else last week. How do you always time these videos so perfectly with the events in my life?
@juanaa6332
@juanaa6332 3 года назад
Are you over the person now ?
@10meece
@10meece 4 года назад
wow, i needed that today. these videos can be so therapudic
@microtubulina7266
@microtubulina7266 Год назад
My heart is so dark right now. The pain is so deep and umberable. Also my first love, I was invested. I was willing to work on the issues, I loved her so deep, I actually thought she was gonna be the one. Forever. It hurts to loose her as a girlfriend, I dont want to loose her friendship, the intimacy, the love. I want to see her happy, if the relationship was making her sad, I have to accept it and move on. But its just a thought in the air, my actual feelings are so depressing. The only thing that sometimes calms me is that maybe we will keep being friends, but I dont know if she will want that too, even though she says she does wants that, I dont know if she will change her mind. She is not perfect, nor was I, but it was so nice, and healthy, yes it had its issues but so fixable. I dont know how to explain the amount of suffering Im going through, but seeing more people going through the same thought processes its helpful.
@georgiivdovin6543
@georgiivdovin6543 5 лет назад
Could you make a video about dealing with jealousy? I feel like this is a very harsh problem for a lot of people, me certainly. Not about what it's psychological origins are or how your partner has to not put you throw it, but how to actually deal with those waves of jealousy. For instance, I get instantly triggered when my partner mentions her past experiences in any way. And it's not just her mentioning it, we live in a small city so I can actually meet those people/see a picture online, so the triggers are constantly there, I can't just hide from it. I consider myself a fairly reasonable person and I do understand what's in the core of that feeling, but it frustrates me so much that I literally can't do anything about it except to just sit through this whirlpool of explainable, but barely justified anger and envy. Maybe there is a mental framework that I'm missing out on. Please help.
@georgiivdovin6543
@georgiivdovin6543 5 лет назад
It's my first serious relationship and she's actually trying to avoid triggering me, so it's not her manipulations (I hope), most of it is just my mind overthinking. I think I have trust issues without any actual reason for it, it's just there. But thanks for the feedback.
@NikkoYM
@NikkoYM 5 лет назад
I think it's a reasonable expectation for someone's partner to exercise restraint when talking about the past. I myself need to be really careful about talking about exes. Not that I think my current beau is affected by it too much. Even so, I need to ask myself what my motive is by doing that? Something I've heard said is that the person talking about the past may be engaging in what is known as "euphoric recall"...and they may not even know that that is what they are doing. If you and your partner are serious, I think it's worth talking to her about it - - and what you may need to do is explain that you need to set a boundary with her. And, ask her if she is willing to acknowledge that you need this boundary and will she try to respect it. It's tricky territory. Sometimes women talk about their exes because they may not want the same mistakes repeated in their current relationship. For instance, 1 person may talk about past abuse in the hopes that they will not be the victim of such behavior again. (It's just an example. It could even be about more trivial things.) There's an interesting resource which you and your partner may want to investigate. It's called "Non-Violent Communication" (there's a book/website by the title). I hope this may be somewhat helpful. I can appreciate that hearing about exes can be a painful thing.
@steeleye2112
@steeleye2112 5 лет назад
Hiya, been there, done that and i'm afraid the only answer is one you probably don't want to hear. Your jealousy is nothing to do with what your partner has done or is doing. Your jealousy comes from a lack of self worth, self-respect and self love. If you loved and accepted who you are, faults, strengths, et al you simply wouldn't care about any of this. Unfortunately learning to accept yourself is a unique journey for everyone and there are no instant off the shelf answers. The first step is to stop thinking it''s about anything external to yourself and start looking inside, examine what you are actually feeling. This can be hard. It was for me. Just as an example, When I heard about the sexual experiences she had enjoyed I felt jealous and anxious. It took forever to realize I wasn't jealous of her for having them. I was envious because i wanted those kind of experiences and hadn't experienced what I truly wanted. This was just the first step, where i went from there was a long and wonderful journey which is still underway. Therapy, meaningful discussions with friends, internet videos that reveal new ways of thinking can all help but the answer is inside you, these are just paths to find it. I wish you all the best and hope you resolve your pain. You are a perfectly fine, lovable individual, we all know that, when you know that for yourself you will enjoy life more than you can imagine. Hang on and keep working, it's worth it.
@chitrikart2328
@chitrikart2328 3 года назад
@@steeleye2112 does she know you commented this?
@skyejacques
@skyejacques 3 года назад
Emotions are energy in motion. You won't find a mental model is enough. We need to release past trauma through energy healing. At some point the amygdala will calm down x
@coolbro1990
@coolbro1990 5 лет назад
I was searching for this video... The comfort it gave me is priceless. Thanks.
@treeeditz3449
@treeeditz3449 2 года назад
i’ve been left multiple times, it sucks because i’m too scared to get hurt agian but at the same time i also really want friends, and don’t cope well without friends :[
@sofalvarez
@sofalvarez 5 лет назад
Geez, thank u, I found out my ex has a new girlfriend two days ago and this is has helped A LOT.
@sarabovo2151
@sarabovo2151 4 года назад
I love this, the illustrations are so nice and the characters super cute. I love your wisdom
@aangitano
@aangitano 5 лет назад
This is really helpful. I'm grateful I heard this. Bc this happened to me after 16 years and it really hurts.
@hitMonle1
@hitMonle1 4 года назад
This showed up on my feed at an oddly ironic time in my life. Fear of abandonment has always been hard to explain for me.. this video helped me a lot. Thank you 🙏
@neogbfe3587
@neogbfe3587 4 года назад
Rather be left and replaced, than to recycled in the ex waiting pool.
@samirmuhammad1781
@samirmuhammad1781 Год назад
I have been going through some troublesome phase, and this channel feels like therapy to me
@adyashafa
@adyashafa 2 года назад
thank you for speaking about this. i feel helped once i feel dumped by the person whom i thought, will never quit our journey.
@banneddeleted6022
@banneddeleted6022 5 лет назад
Why am I watching this while being single
@colinhauke1939
@colinhauke1939 Год назад
Been watching a lot of these recently......for reasons...but THANK YOU for this one!
@nikstar1313
@nikstar1313 4 года назад
Please know that anyone going through heartbreak, you will be ok... time WILL heal if you progress with yourself. Im 44 and I felt soooooo much pain I had never experienced about 4 months ago from being left by a beautiful person who just wasn't my match I now realise but it forced me into working on LOVING MYSELF as most of us don't do this before we find ourselves in a relationship that can end which means pining over another form if they leave us..
@87agomes
@87agomes 3 года назад
I had a short "fling" with a girl at work whom I really liked. She ended up ending things to pursue a relationship with someone else. I'm feeling worthless, powerless, depressed right now... this video made me feel somewhat better
@user-qq5ne6zf6m
@user-qq5ne6zf6m 2 года назад
U okey now ?
@87agomes
@87agomes 2 года назад
@@user-qq5ne6zf6m I'm definitely better now but my ego and sense of self-worth is still in shambles. But I'll survive. thx for asking :)
@jaynah.2124
@jaynah.2124 5 лет назад
I needed this today.
@xomsicxompk
@xomsicxompk 3 года назад
It’s like RU-vid knew that my heart just Got shattered to pieces
5 лет назад
This is reassuring ah. Love this kind of topics about relationships and human behavior in general. Thanks SofL. Always making a wonderful work and helping a lot of people (including me).
@MrDiego40
@MrDiego40 3 года назад
Just suggested on the right moment and now I feel more confident and comfortable. You easy my mind. Thanks so much!
@brendadrew834
@brendadrew834 4 года назад
I like how Parisians view love relationships! It never ends well! You either go through a breakup after an affair, or go through a divorce after marrying or you end up widowed like I did after 42 years! Very pragmatic outlook on life! Best to learn how to self-partner with oneself! BTW, love the graphics! Thanks for sharing~
@swetha6303
@swetha6303 3 года назад
Thank u dear School of life .. for being a source of comfort in my difficult times . Love from India 🇮🇳
@Ureyeuh
@Ureyeuh 5 лет назад
This is what makes me want to purchase things from you all. These videos are so awesome.
@fatimag7256
@fatimag7256 5 лет назад
I really needed this, thanks for making such helpful videos 💕
@air9music
@air9music 5 лет назад
A lot of these brilliant ideos were uploaded in the month leading up to my breakup last year. I wish I had known about these then. I think they would've so brilliantly conveyed what I wanted to tell my ex. Might even have saved us, who knows.
@DannyArteaga14
@DannyArteaga14 5 лет назад
This one is one of my favorites. Bravo!
@detectiveassassin7937
@detectiveassassin7937 5 лет назад
I think the videos on this channel are food for the soul . Alain De Botton has such a relaxing voice .
@hungryutkarsh
@hungryutkarsh 10 месяцев назад
THIS DESERVES MORE VIEWS
@AAAIJungwon
@AAAIJungwon 5 лет назад
Thank you so much for such supportive video for those who need
@93parasol
@93parasol 5 лет назад
I would have really needed this three months ago. But, better late than never haha
@swinder87
@swinder87 5 лет назад
Wow, the timing of this video coming out is perfect for me
@quocvinhvo9320
@quocvinhvo9320 5 лет назад
Thank you. This video really made my day.
@poojamandal2525
@poojamandal2525 4 года назад
And to smash up a relationship is only a prelude to novel encounters with frustration and disappointment. ❤
@altomacaroon4853
@altomacaroon4853 4 года назад
thank you this has made my new year
@universe2198
@universe2198 4 года назад
I needed this🙏
@wr787
@wr787 5 лет назад
thanks school of life, I needed this.
@ValentinaGaviria11
@ValentinaGaviria11 5 лет назад
From the bottom of my heart, thank you ❤️
@Vivi-xq1gg
@Vivi-xq1gg 5 лет назад
I needed this video 3 years ago
@vineetv
@vineetv 4 года назад
This was a fantastic video. Made my day
@monicasanchez8438
@monicasanchez8438 5 лет назад
Thankkkkkyou solllll!!! You always help me move on in a more positive way!!!
@stephenridley1153
@stephenridley1153 4 года назад
The other man's grass is never greener lol!
@madeline3642
@madeline3642 3 года назад
It's only greener where you water it
@ivanreptile
@ivanreptile 4 года назад
Thank You, this is what I needed most rn
@suchismitabiswas99
@suchismitabiswas99 4 года назад
So beautifully explained !
@missmammamia
@missmammamia 5 лет назад
Thank you this have given me relief when I really needed it
@abrahamhernandez334
@abrahamhernandez334 4 года назад
I love this video. It’s helping me so much right now.
@sofiadesouzamoraes730
@sofiadesouzamoraes730 5 лет назад
You brought my soul into peace.
@theybanthetruth4955
@theybanthetruth4955 2 года назад
I needed this it made sense, and I feel better. Thanks Prince Charles
@haleywayne5858
@haleywayne5858 2 года назад
My ex came back to me few days ago ❤️ I got help from a Relationship Restorer Dr Steve Who was able to mend back my broken relationship and make my ex to come back and beg for a second chance. He can bring your ex back.
@PhotonMusik
@PhotonMusik 5 лет назад
Just watching this video has cheered me up so much !
@Kaleshe
@Kaleshe 5 лет назад
Perfect timing. Made me feel... good 👍🏾
@ryuzakilawlight
@ryuzakilawlight 5 лет назад
This video just switched a cog in my brain that allowed me to let go of a lot of past carried pain. AND IT FEELS AMAZING! HA!
@noellechapman7667
@noellechapman7667 4 года назад
All of these animations from your channel r fire 🔥
@lourdes6222
@lourdes6222 5 месяцев назад
Beautifully made!
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