I wish I was in a position to do this right now, but I am separating from my husband after 27 years of being together and selling our home with a view to raising my young adult twins alone. My toxic relationship/marriage was heavily narcissistic, alongside, Autism/Aspergers type behaviours. It is so confusing, traumatic and also worrying. I have been in a previous, much more overtly abusive relationship, which has meant the more nuanced behaviours were overlooked. I am on my healing journey. I am happy to be alone and I am also building a life where I won't feel lonely. No fixing, no delusions - that is all fine. Trusting is another ball game altogether! Sending you love and positive energy with huge gratitude for your work, which has been a guiding light thought the COVID era. Xxxxxx
Great video, Lee, and I do appreciate the way you invite us to enquire within and reflect on which ways we have contributed to this dynamic. I grew up with a single mother with NPD so it’s been quite a head wrecker for me and I’m not sure I’ll ever fully recover. I’d like to think I can. I did your course in 2021 and found it very useful. I really enjoyed the role plays you did as well. It seems to me that if we can learn to truly value and appreciate ourselves, have firm boundaries and not have any interest in getting swept up in drama, then we are far less easy prey for a narcissist.
I have family who used me put me down and even threatened me. I have broken free, but still it hurt. I am not waiting for anything from them, I know I wouldn't get it. Still the hurt and disappointment. Then I realized that in all my lifes I was them at some point and I can understand them. That was the kiss I needed to heal.
Excellent! The healing always lies within us...thank you, Lee for focusing attention on the cause rather than the effect...for empowering rather than instilling self-victimization. Grateful for you and your work.
I never lost my power nor did I surrender it but it took me thirty years to gain power in my own life and escape the toxic influence that was my relationship with my Narcissistic mother, however sadly I have never reached any level of healing or acceptance in my life to deal with the baggage I still carry around with me...
Hello lee! Tu es incroyable!! Jamais tu ne te Lasse de revenir sans cesse pour aider ceux qui en ont besoin!!! De tout mon coeur un tout lumineux merci lee!!! Amour et lumière 💜
Dear Lee, I listened to you about 14 years ago and was drawn to your energy. 14 years alter and my dear friend forwarded me a video of you and when I saw the name I thought to myself, '' How did I forget about Lee Harris?!''. I came across this video and I have to say that this is such an empowering message to the world.I am SO GRATEFUL for the gift of awareness you are sharing. Thank you, thank you!
A beautiful summation Lee. Lee's course arrived, for me, at the perfect time. His gentle revealing of what still felt like brutal truths at the time assisted me greatly, and helped set me on a positive trajectory of healing. Thank you Lee. 🙏🙏 My personal involvement with NPD individuals included my mother plus a long marriage I had recently left when I did the course. If you're considering doing the course, highly recommend it.
Thank you for sharing your insights 🙏 My encounter with a narcissistic person was the biggest lesson ever and most important ever for me. I'm actually almost thankful for the experience. It took someone like him, to push me to a deeper understanding of me, the dysfunctionel relationships I grew up in whitin my family and along with that ancestral wounds and traumas and the effects of them. A lot of truthseeking and healing had to be done. Still today three years after I'm time to time thinking about what happened and the empath in me hopes he's also has come to some deep soulfull understanding about himself... But really.that's not for me to care about anymore. In the best of worlds one would prefer to have a shared balanced conscious ending with each other... but of course that has not happened. The person is blocked in all possible ways:) Anyhow, I believe the narcissist and the empath are two sides of the same coin! Both beeing neglected on care and love as children, both wanting to be loved but in opposite ways. The narcissist demands attention in extreme egoistical ways and empaths seeking to be seen and loved by pleasing others needs and neglecting selfrespect, bounderies and so on. Indeed a lot of healing have to be done not only on one of these persons but also ancestral healing is necessary. Relationships helps us learn much about ourselves! Much love and healing to you all! " May all who suffers be released from that suffering And the causes of it" Amen🙏
Brilliant Lee, thank you. Thank you for this free insight to this topic which I've found beautifully enabling. Can't afford the course right now but have enough pointers to help me through this, never to be repeated, 5+ years of a crazy, long distance relationship, since 2017. Covid lock-up was also a great opportunity to ponder upon this along with many other aspects of my spiritual life. Am so very grateful for your guidance + energy updates, been following you for around 7 years. 🙏 Much love from New Zealand ❤️
Lee thank you so much for sharing your journey and perspectives here for healing. I have been in relationships that have deeply painful elements of these yet always accompanied by genuine love and giving as well, just not particularly balanced. In my own explorations of healing methods I discovered a helpful perspective in a simple archetype, a way of framing this part of our growth = We start out feeling wounded by one or both parents when we realize our creative uniqueness isn't reflected back to us growing up, a recognition that usually makes us feel "Distant", and from there we begin our healing journey of both our inner feminine "Disarming" and our inner masculine "Dynamic" defense patterns, eventually leading to a more well balanced "Pioneering" self expression where we feel we have self permission to be who we are etc. These archetype terms were eye opening for me (from Alignment Technologies) and come to mind when you talk about the nuances of Empaths and Narcissists. To me it's a balance of polarities we all learn to embody and express in our unique creative ways, and heal through our unique karmic lineages. What a challenge and what a ride. Love your work! Thank You!
Well doing it to myself being born in a narcissistic family. And far in adult age got lot of attacks. So till I was 45 I had an unconscious codependency and abusive relationships. Looking back on so much and severe and early child trauma this will never be healed. Best for me is to stay in relationship with myself and sometimes I meet a like minded someone and that feels blessed. Love nature, but the inverted upside down energy of the world upside down I cannot cope. It feels like my soul is being sucked out.
Thank you Lee. This is one of the very best video's I have seen that explains in plain easy to understand language all about the dynamics and patterns in these relationships. I am on the healing journey after leaving my marriage of 37years to a man that I do strongly suspect is an actual narcissist. I totally lost myself in this marriage and I was the one who always had to make changes and compromises while he thought that his ways and his lifestyle was perfect. I ended up with several physical health problems and mental health issues. I finally left and am no longer suffering from depression, but the autoimmune disorder and heart condition are still there, but improving.
Wow, that bit about learning to give to my parents in order to recieve attention is spot on. It's so hard when it's your family and syblings who make you choose between yourself and them.
A deep thank you, it brought a clarity of putting together many dreams and the process from recovering from a childhood conditioned pattern created by a narcissistic mother followed by "love relationships" which repeated the earlier pattern.
Having a family member or child with personality disorder and especially if that is being self medicated is difficult. The symptoms range but usually and always from trauma or stress felt from the womb or even further back generationally. If you listen to Gabor Mate he explains adequately. All addicts are traumatized but not not all traumatized become addicts. And we do feel it. I think everyone can if their antennas work efficiently. And if it is a child you have to try everything to help with the challenges. And they can and often are or just exhibit narcissistic tendencies as they are all wrapped up in their own pain, trauma, dysfunction and self as a result. We do have choices on whether to love or have intimate relationships with those that suffer like that or to try and help them and even if it doesn't seem to do be effective, love never fails. Never in the long run, even if we can't see it now. Sometimes they need contrast, support and love, even and especially if they are that far off. Not at the expense of drowning ourselves. Take an alcoholic drowning themselves to death in their 70's and they have affairs and can't work to take care of themselves and no social security. Does the husband stop supporting? Sometimes they need someone to be their come what may at the end of their journey. We know a couple like that. Sometimes it is about survival in the most basic ways. Sometimes in the grand scheme that is a necessary evil. Thank goodness this one existence is not the only and just a drop in the bucket. And sometimes we make sacrifices for spouses and children. And some are so broken, and the pain too much to bear and it does create collateral damage. But love, loves all. Even them. And so can we. I wouldn't recommend starting a relationship with a narcissist, especially one that is functional in society. But those that aren't need the most. And they do matter. We have a societal cancer creating these types. And healing is what is needed. And society mirrors to us what that is. And many are wrapped up in the toxicity that is breeding literally out of it. I am a recovered traumatized addict, who was very narcissistic during that time because you just can't focus on others when you are unconscious yourself. And married a sociopath and thus had a child with conduct, borderline and other mental challenges and struggles with addiction. And the dramas and traumas that arise from that lifestyle almost always come first. And if no one were there to create safety and support there is no opportunity to heal. Opportunities are everything. Not all are taken. Not all come to fruition. But the journey is always one of love for all of us, whether we see, understand or get that. It is so complicated. So very complicated when it comes to trauma and personalities and opportunities and how to navigate it all with differing levels of consciousness. The children are suffering. It starts from the very conception the stress they experience, even from just electricity. I lived in an apartment and every unit had a modem and a smart meter. Even my cat was stressed. I was fortunate to move to a single family dwelling and my life changed. The energy was supportive. Many are suffering and don't even know why. Electrosensitivity is real. And fetus' are sensitive. To all the drama and traumas. To the media. To the energy of this world. Few are really supported adequately any more. We aren't teaching it. The homelessness, poverty, illness, poisonings and everything is contributing to the energy we are all birthing into. But it is all good. The future is positive. We are starting to awaken. And the shifts that will happen to preserve the planet and the species will give us breathing room.
Thank you so much for this Lee! I feel like my last relationship had elements of this, yet I feel bad to talk negatively about them, part of that is probably the dynamic of the relationship and the grip they had on me and also I’m not sure if the tendencies were all with intention. Regardless, it showed me so many things about myself and while there was so much confusion, I learnt how to put myself first. I think there is still confusion but I accept it, it was messy and that’s ok; it came at the perfect time, it taught me great things and showed me the power of people close to me. It’s never nice to loose yourself in someone else yet we will find ourselves stronger when we come out of it. I have love and gratitude for the person, relationship and myself since it. You have the power to walk away. Know that you are always loved, even when things seem dark and difficult, take care and much love ❤️🙏❤️
Wow Lee, I actually joined your course a couple of years ago after breaking away from my abusive parents. Through it and over a long period of time I also ended up identifying these same narcissist patterns in my partner, which was totally unexpected! I've ended up really ill, with pains and fatigue and other symtoms, and I feel very confused and lost in my life right now... I take your video as a sign for me to go back to your content. It feels so incredibly difficult to admit to certain things, but I'm so so grateful for your creation, presence and support! The loneliness I feel is very real and I can't wait to connect with other souls going through this empowering process! Much love to you Lee and to everyone reading 😃🙏💜we are getting to the other side of this together!
Thank you again Lee. I do feel that since last time I listened to this video, I have changed in the direction of not needing what I thought was a relationship but really isn't one at all. What I feel is a gain in my own power, even in just fits and starts, and a clearer vision being able to walk away. I use your monthly Energy updates and they do help. Again thank you. I really feel you're here with me.
Hi Lee, We’re dealing with a family member who is a malignant, toxic, narcissist, as well as bipolar - none of which, they can acknowledge - and it’s playing out in the context of our mother’s estate, and seems never ending - after 5 years of court cases, and judges ruling in our favour.. This individual has also now asked to meet with our lawyer - and her lawyer - without us being present. We are now waiting for a date from our lawyer - and we will be there- and there will be a choice that this individual will be presented with - and our executor will have the final say.
This was SOOOO helpful. Thank you very much. I liked where you said, "how does the relationship FEEL"? Oh wow, now I will do that with every person I have a connection to....b/c growing up in a Narc family, I feel I am a magnet to these people. It FEELS gross/bad/dark. Anyway, txs again.
Thank you Lee. As I see so many people reflecting in the comments, this video and course really touches a core area for so many of us. I appreciate all the wisdom in this video and feel it can be applied to so many of our relationships, so that we feel taken care of by our selves first and foremost, and never abandoned by our very own self.
Большое спасибо. Тема отношений,дала мне еще большей ясности того,что я разбирала в себе и осознавала. И эта динамика отношений, распространяется на все в жизни. Причина,как всегда одна,все хотят любви и внимания-энергии. Благодарю. 🙏⚜🌹
Trauma bonds are very real. The addictive quality of intermittent reinforcement. So the guideline of how you feel "most of the time," simply does not work. Some of them abuse in a covert way.
@@rubberbiscuit99 yes but all addictions can be broken...I stopped drinking after 28yrs and drugs now sober 5 yrs and finally left my narc partner of 15 yrs...it can be done. treat the narc like a drug and you can do it too...bless u
Thank you very much for sharing the questions that we can consider. As a therpist I sometimes work with clients that refer to themaelves as empaths. Your questions help me to check out wether they are in an unhealthy relationship and how they can find clues within themselves. And also I find myself sometimes seduced by those empaths. It seems as if they have cultuvated some superpowers to manipulate others. It‘s hard to grasp. I realized that I have to set boundaries around my role as a tharapist in order to not give too much. It seems to be a fine line for all of us. Lots of love to everybody 🌸☀️
Thankyou, I've questioned all these traits all my life frm p behaviour & only realised it was narcissist traits in last yr! I was told frm childhood & evry adult relationship that was too sensitive & crazy& thankgoodness I've realised it's OK 2 b me!! & my hippie frend said u need boundaries, I didn't even realise I shud have them!!😳 I've been a mum& carer as my carer all my life& I now realise I mayb alone now but I'm freee🫂🧘♀️🕉🌈🌸
My granddaughter's mother. If I cut her out of my life, I am not available to be a positive influence on the babies. My greatest love (the baby) and my worst nightmare come as a pair, inseparable. When I make the simplest boundary, the narc-storm makes my life unbearable. I am trapped until I am ok with the idea of sacrificing my interaction with the innocent child. I would rather die...and I am dying having to deal with the mother. They live with us cuz my son is stupid with money.
I unfortunately married a narcissist; I was treated as a princess until the wedding ring was on my finger. I was alienated from my family & Within 18 months. I knew I had made a huge mistake. I left him & went back to my parents' house. Because of his possessiveness & threats to any male friends who wished to socialise with me, I found for my own & others safety it best to leave the country, which I did as a young 23 yr old. I left the UK secretly with only my close family & one male friend knowing, in the dark of night & landed in NZ Dec 1969, given I married in July 1967 I wakened up pretty quickly. I am sovereign to myself before anyone else in a relationship. A relationship should treat each other as equals. As my father told all his girls growing up, we weren't put on earth to serve man. My ex is now into his 4th marriage & I truly feel sorry for the woman that was trapped because she had his children. I'm a woma,n in my elderly years now, I've had a good & prosperous life. I escaped any violence because I left before it occurred. My grown son said something very poignant to me, He said mum you never judged me growing up. 😀 Lee Harris, I listen to you & that is how I have always lived my life, this time around. God is good & life is wonderful. Men are men, Women are Women. You may like the same sex good on you, but don't change children that's abuse.
With everything you said about empaths I strongly disagree when you said..... Is there maybe a reversal of narcassism playing out on the side of an empath?? How on earth can you make such a statement????? This is telling every empath that THEY TO ARE PLAYING OUT THE HURTFUL NARC'S QUALITIES !!! I'm actually completely perplexed at you making this statement!! All I do know along with experiencing narc's in my life is to look at them as a true GIFT that it giving me the opportunity to grow within my awakening to remembering who I really am.....The Divine Spark ✨ that is here in disguise of learning....expanding and growing within my personal evolution which essentially is THE ONENESS
The wound in them is in the ‘empath’ too. Tempered differently in each. The ‘empath’ does dance around the other to satiate and keep the peace but will become exhausted when the energy is going towards one person. The difficulty is to bring back the energy to ourselves to care for our wounds. I think the ‘empath’ was trained to be a people pleaser from childhood and doesn’t quite know how to stop doing this. I see the crux of the problem is this; the ‘empath’ doesn’t know what to do in these instances and to acknowledge means learning new behaviors and where does one begin to understand the correct actions, approaches and words.
Yaaaay Such a biggie and so very very importent message and video 🙏🥰❤️☀️🌟✨⭐️🇸🇪♊️🌸🎁 Thank you so very very much 🥰❤️🙏✨👌⭐️🌟 - and my self esteam caused the long road forward to understand myself before I will look for a romantic 💝 and shimmering illusion 😂🙏🥰❤️💪🏼
I really enjoy listening to all the wisdom you share and grateful for your vulnerability and sharing yourself. I wasn’t able to sign up for the class for April and am wondering if this class is still being offered and sign up now?
i really believe that Your perspective seems to be healthier than ohters', We may recognise narcisistic tendencies due to our own inner experience with this matter. /what is human is not unknown to me.
empaths were using alchemy to try and change the sinario but it hurts us in the end-amost like a wrongly using alchemy. and yea I was a controlling empath too.
How would you approach kids with these traits? They often come from a parent that have these traits, who do you approach the child to help them heal this so the circle is broken and that they grow up to have healthy relationships?
Hi there, there is not currently a cut off to join at the moment. Here is a link for you if you would like more information: www.leeharrisenergy.com/empaths-vs-narcissists-2023 -Chelsea LHE Team
Should I decide to take this journey with you... I have situations have me face aspects of me that are narcissistic..in the now moment it feels a response similar how an abused person becomes the abuser. Feeling I am also empathic, I feel the hurt/harm to me when I behave in that way. So yeah am I willing to change? Yes...now to decide my next step. ❤❤❤
Just keep reflecting back to her how the relationship is not healthy and that she always has a choice to find someone who treats her better, if she wants to
My husband of 60 years was a narcissistic egotistical personality and an Abandonment SYNDROME! No he wasn’t abandon when he was a baby ! However his mother was hurt in an accident when he was a few weeks old ! She couldn’t care for him so his father’s mother came to live with the family ! She took care of him and his mother ! Then when he was about 7 years old his GRANDMOTHER DIED of breast cancer! No one explained to him why his Grandmother was gone ! He loved dearly ! No living with a narcissistic egotistical man with abandonment syndrome was not easy ! Life is like a rollercoaster 🎢 more down in the black pit of depression then the sunshine of happiness! Why did I stay in this marriage? At first I thought I could “saveHim”! “WRONG”! I tried to get him to seek Psychiatric help ,he refused ! I was and still am interested in the WHY people do the things they do and how the mind works ! Of course I am not educated enough to do that kind of work ! So I studied my husband and I learned something about his problems! He wasn’t violent ,he was controlling because he feared being alone ! He never said he was afraid,but I figured that out. Pretty Quick ! And I am EMPATH so no problem ! Humor helped a lot also ! I don’t recommend a narcissistic person as a life partner ( marriage or other wise ) A rollercoaster 🎢 life isn’t a good life to meany down in the black pit of the soul ! ❤️ LOVE AND BLESSING 🙏 to each and everyone of you wherever you are on this Beautiful 🌎🌍🌏 PLANET 👵🏻😻 From 🌵ARIZONA USA👍🇺🇸👍👍❤️🙏. 🇺🇦🙏❤️👍
Lee, thank you...their pull is so so strong and as Empaths, our downfall is also that we get to forgiveness so easily. This is a very loving and clear reminder ❤ to love ourselves, and stand straight in our entirety. You forgot to say : Empaths are the ideal "target" for people with NPD, because we SEE THE SOUL, we see beyond the behaviours and toxicity - so we love beyond. Love is not enough. We come out destroyed, crushed, exhausted
If we come out "destroyed, crushed, exhausted", it was not LOVE we displayed. Certainly not towards ourselves. We just tried to accommodate their needs no matter what, and that only happens when we don´t love ourselves in the first place. No love present there.
Thank you so much for this. We hear so much about narcissism and this keeps the ball and power in the court of the one who has endured. I heard a Maya Angelou quote on Dr. Ramani’s channel recently that “Surviving is important, but thriving is elegant”. Much gratitude for opening the door to that elegance here. 🙏
Thank you for the video! As someone who’s dealt with narcissistic friends, relationships and family and a part of me trying to heal them, empathise with their trauma and where their behaviour is stemming from. I’m on a spiritual journey now and the thought of falling back into the same patterns again makes my body react physically - most of the times the urge to throw up. Is this a trauma reaction? Or my is it also a part of the healing process? To feel what I feel and to let it go?
This was perfect timing to listen today. It was like you listened to a place inside that is hard to describe to others around the dance of empath & narcissist. What I most appreciate about your work is how grounded & balanced it resonates between spirit and human nature. In my current process of healing trauma, my path this year has been through one on one therapy, along with self inventory around where I lost myself and what I bartered in exchange to experience love, validation and attention from others. I unconsciously became emotionally numb to survive childhood and didn’t realize it became the norm. Being naturally sensitive & emotionally intuitive, life felt already intense and overwhelming. It took the shift that covid brought to give myself time & permission to open up & explore the loop that kept playing same theme around feeling misunderstood & invisible whenever I tried to connect with others. The day an awareness revealed how my unhealed wounds had built an unconscious layer of self hatred & unworthiness was a painful yet soulful aha moment around the repeat loop of attracting the unhealed, wounded places in others. They represented a mirror that my unhealed conditioning wanted to fix or cut off. Over the span of this year by learning how to trust the universe from a deeper soul space to tune into, was finally able to grasp the bottom of a well filled with decades of grief and loss, and through working with my spiritual nature, creativity, play, weekly therapy, as well as listening to others who are on a similar journey, am rediscovering who I am from a more realistic, loving & engaging practice of self care and kindness. It’s liberating to feel more comfortable in my authenticity without feeling like my existence isn’t worth enough to experience all on its own. In conclusion I reopened a door of what I was dealing with to my siblings, who in the past felt too intense to engage with because our parents had crossed without being able to acknowledge what we went through, but by opening that door, it’s given us all permission to be more open & truthful around how our childhood effected our adulthood & feel so grateful that in honoring my intuition when it prompted me to open the door, this result has occurred. Once again thank you 🙏🏻 for sharing & modeling the information in such a way my heart grasps it all the way down to my soul bones 🔥❤️🔥
I have to thank you so much as well. For saying everything I know and letting me know that I am not alone. I am walking away from the second husband that is a true narcissist. I have worked on my self. I still felt that something was blocking me. When I remembered that I had forgotten to work on controlling my empathetic gift so that it would not be a curse to me. This led me to watching beyond belief and your RU-vid video ( I have been a big fan of you and George). Just from watching this video and my revelation, today I once again feel free. I appreciate all your help.
Wonderful Lee, thank you so much, I'm trying to extricate myself from a marriage to a narcissist and it's quite a journey. This was extremely helpful for me, thanks a ton for your wisdom and guidance on this issue.
Me: I'll be fine once I find a place to leave this narcissist of an ex Universe: We will present you with your home once you give up the fight and surrender to the gifts the universe has for you Me: but he.... Universe : *gives angry mom stare*
The reason we have narc's in our lives is to learn....evolve and expand from..... They are a gift BUT the human aspect of ourselves still need to grieve the loss of what we truly believed it could have been.....we were tricked by their false affection....we were abused and bullied as they were mistreated as such.... Narcassists offer us the following.... To find our voice .... Speak our truth..... Reclaim the power we gave away to them..... Set healthy boundaries for ourselves in terms of disallowing then to speak and act in a derogatory way towards us..... Reclaim self love.... Reclaim self respect..... Reclaim.....self honor.....
I am breaking out of people-pleasing mode. I am normally cheerful and friendly but when I am met with swords - I pull back and close down. Next I need to get verbal - that is the next step.
I think being a people pleaser had something to do with connecting with this past person who was a person with narcissistic quality although quit a character at the same time really messed with me.
