Lisa why do I feel like you are in a Narcissistic relationship with your husband. Your reaction to doctor ramani explanation hits you so hard. Dealing with Narcs myself whenever I hear something that I experience with a love one, it really do hits deep. So Lisa if this is true you already know what to do. It's OK we don't judge you if you decide to divorce. It could be for whatever reason you want it to be. We are not in your bedroom we won't know if it is a lie or not .
Wow, she confirms everything Ive learned from living with a narcissist. Dont share personal information with a narc. Its used against you or to hurt you.
@@happyhealthyblessed Haven't heard this one yet, but so true! I remember the yearly [sometimes skipped a year haha] evaluationconversations at my job.As if I had said nothing [carefully explaining my points]] she sat there, staring at me. Giving me the idea that I was bothering her .. Useless conversation. Did not know about narcissism then....
Am I really in the gaslighting stage or are they just actually hurt and I am actually the narcissist? Genuine question. I really don't have money for a therapist I am sorry for dumping and asking in the YT comments. If I am a narc, can I change? Were the people with me just enabling me and lying about me being a good person to avoid conflict? Am I just a bad person after all and it took this person to point out that I am not as good a person as I thought I was before them? Can I change?
Im done with being neglected and now abandoned for the 2nd time. Why.? Because how dare i call out my grown childrens disrespectful behaviors in my house. It doesn't count cause we rent so me im not a man because of paying the bills for 35 yrs that has no count.. so disrespect me cause im not rich. I don't earn enough to be respected thats for rich men. Not men who live right.
@@jeffreybarberich5787your right about all this. My daughter is same way. She thinks it's all my fault because I won't support her financially. However she doesn't want to work. She wants someone to take care of her. I just couldn't anymore. She can't come live with me.
@@jeffreybarberich5787 Narcissists hate people who live right. They're jealous of them. You "not being rich" is not the reason for the attacks, it's just a pretence they use to take out their anger at you. If you were rich they'd use something else for "justifying" their resentments towards you.
My narcissistic dad just died. Funeral tomorrow. Hospice was a shit show with mom and sister. I've mourned the loss of those 3 relationships for 49 years at this point. Now that my dad has finally left my mom.. I feel free. I never have to return to the family that consistently throws me under the bus because of jealousy and narcissistic behaviors. I'm a healer and empath and I'm starting a new chapter in life... spreading love, encouragement, and inspiration to those that most likely need it most! I hope all of you empaths out there continue spreading your bright light and joy and love for life! Don't let anyone steer you off your course! All empaths need to team up and find each other... help lift each other up! 💞
Father didn’t die but my mum finally got up the courage to divorce him after 36 years - I understand that “free” feeling, and hearing my mum sounding more light hearted, happy and confident, I’m sure she also feels that freedom.
Empath, Bright Light, Love, I encourage you to speak with the heart and soul of your father in the "dream field" the ether, the afterlife, the cosmos, with god, whatever your resonant practice.. because I assure you, he was here to give you lessons to become who you are and had his own great sacrifices and pains. Become his friend, this will be the healing of the light, understand and get to know his pain, and encourage whatever that energy that is or was him, that remains in you, in others, in him.. that it may too, heal, evolve, raise his standards toward the consciousness that we are here to become.
While you are spreading your love, encouragement, and enthusiasm, be sure to give it to yourself first! So many of us empaths who grew up in these toxic environments are so quick to give everything away in life depleting ourselves. Self-care #1!
I told my highly narcissistic parents "If you want me to take care of you like babies you can't call the shots (the level of control they try to exert over me is....... Next level, They are throwing everything but the kitchen sink for me to not sleep for 5 hours straight within the same real estate as they live in, absolutely extreme people. 👍).
When I asked the divorce, I was supposed to receive 40k of the house, and my narcissist husband only gave me 25k in payments, and I couldn't get any of the furniture of the house. His excuse was everything of the house was out of his money when we both paid everything with our paychecks! Yeah, he did that to me. We were married for 24 years. It took me by surprise how greedy he was, and I took our youngest child with me, who at that point he was five years old. It's been almost fifteen years, and I chose to attend school, and very soon I will earn my bachelor's degree in psychology!
Wow!! That is so amazing and inspiring to me! I really needed to see your post!❤ This sounds very similar to me- I was in an 11yr narc abusive marriage, left when my child was young. And I, too, am working to finish my degree! It has been 3 years since we left him and moved in with family hoping for emotional support while getting on our feet. But we are still struggling so much in so many unexpected ways in the aftermath, the resulting damage from years of smear campaigns, and his efforts to sabotage my family relationships while we were married. What has made the damage last is that there is another narc in my own family circle who has continued the smear campaigns of my ex, tells me I am the cause, and has really enjoyed “wing-clipping” any small progress my daughter and I make along the way-complete with flying monkeys- attempting to cause more isolation for my daughter and I. So, to my sadness, there hasn’t been much family or support just yet, it’s very hard. But your story is very inspiring and you give me hope. ❤
That was my experience out of three very cheap very much for themselves they didn't even care about the kids they seriously only cared about t h e i r ugly ass self and they do turn ugly
Ramani has preyed on strangers, violated, exploited, targeted, defamed, stalked, and enslaved strangers for years to build her platform, and she calls those strangers "narcissists." There is no option to disengage when abusive frauds have 24/7 access to your life and continue abuse for years. It's like saying "disengage when someone is stealing your car.....disengage when a person is raping you," and disengaging is not possible. It's ridiculous Ramani and Lisa force strangers into abusive situations for years. They perpetuate abuse for years. They have benefited from all of their lies for years. However, when their abuse and all of their actions are addressed, they say "covert narcissists play the victim," to gaslight, shift blame, and dismiss their abuse. Now, they say "don't argue or fight with narcissists, go DEEP with narcissists," as another way to shift blame, gaslight, and deny their abuse. When their abuse is addressed, they don't have to acknowledge any of their actions because they say "don't engage," and they continue abuse. They speak about disengaging when they have created and perpetuated the entire situation. They can say "disengage" when they are fully engaged, when they have worked around the clock, 24/7 for years, to create and perpetuate abuse.
Lesson learned ❤! I get it now. Silence or 1 word only. This is hilarious 😆 He was telling me some date 2/28 - I said what date is that? He said date we started our relationship! I said, oh and I LOVED it 😊
But sometimes they get crazier & crazier til you do engage... You can feel them winding up tight as clock & ready to ring. ⏰ Sometimes I give him just enough to satisfy him. It all gets so boring, I just pop off on him & drive away to read in my car for awhile. Get back & he's satisfied that he pissed me off & met his quota for now.
yes, they insert all these "isms" -- sayings or platitudes that they hope will impress you or make you say "ohhh yeah, for sure".. but when you listen closely and actually ask them, "What does that mean exactly?" They are STUMPED. then the turn the tables on you and tell you you're psycho for not taking them at "face value"... ugh.
Faked genuineness has a smell. ('Has a smell' concept from Jocko Willink) You must raise your senses, smell, observe and judge critically. Trust your instincts.
You can sense fake ness from microexpressions. Or just get the vibe from someone that something feels off. Get this a lot from my narc sister. Being in the same room, zaps me out, a strange heavy feeling. Dementor?
Yes they are,being too nice gets u no where ..I once had a neighbour saying your son too nice to people,just cos he helped her do the garden I thought wtf,but I think she was a narc .didn’t realise being nice is bad thing,but it can get u into trouble ..narcs like a victim to bear the brunt of their insecurities and when they feel pissed if they take it out on u..too many of thses scum bags out there.they torture u.
Don’t regret dear friend. Don’t blame yourself or beat yourself up for a single thing in life. You left at the right time, who knows if you left him sooner, you might have had a change of heart and returned to him? You left exactly when you were the strongest. ❤
They will do it to anyone they think will put up with it. This is one of the reasons they pull this crap on close friends and family. Most people won't discard a member of the family. Friends don't walk away from friendships easily. This could be applied to romantic relationships as well.
You can't ask ANYTHING of a narcissist. Either you get a muted response or a tantrum. If you're lucky, asking a couple of times might get you the result you want, which is likely very reasonable. They're insufferable and can't be trusted. All about them all the time and it's completely exhausting. What a sad existence.
I literally just told my partner this but they want you to know about there and give feedback back n stroke there ego n consign what they say and do I’m going quiet very non chalant yes no nod my head I will not dicuss my plans goals nor my children and hell no I’m unable to run errands or link up ima study my ass off yep Ik they gonna be like she wasn’t studying before now she so focus surely am even if I ain’t for them I will be I’m putting myself first as they always did with me
Start a moving out fund. If you can, put it in a trusted person's name with you authorized as a signer so he can't find it. Even if you don't plan on leaving, get it started just in case.
Yes ,and they even turn that around like. U,bling oh not talking then nget ina mood about that.lits just the sludge of a relationship u don’t want to clean up anymore..and why should u ,cos whatever u do or say or act will be open for a argument ..who wants to live with a nut case,cos that’s what they are.
The confusion you experience while with a covert narcissist is indescribable. I've had boyfriends that were abusive but it's just so different. CN are so convincing that not only will the things they do break your heart but it completely throws u off because it's something u can't even picture them doing. If that makes sense. They make u believe they are a certain kind of person not capable of doing the things that your ex's did or what would hurt u most. That's what's so confusing then they blame u somehow because it's always your fault. I have been with a covert narcissist for 10yrs. No matter how many times I have been through the cycle or seen him rage I still can't picture it when he is love bombing me. Its the craziest thing. I guess everyone is different but for me the constant state of confusion is the absolute worst and most abusive part. But there are plenty other ways they abuse their partners… Withholding and silent treatment. You feel like your going to explode inside. Mine does this so I freak out and then he can blame me for the argument. Physically abusive. When a CN feels trapped they will do anything they can to regain that power and control. Or take something from you what u won't give them. Sexually abusive. Blaming u for watching porn, sex shaming u, withholding sex, having sex with u while your asleep. Blaming you for everything. Blaming you for having to blame you! Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
I’m not going to lie. This is 10000% easier said than done ! Cause in the moment they are looking at you with a straight face projecting their reality on to you. The one that they firmly believe. Events that happened. How you behaved. When you both were there. You both know the truth but only one of you is being truthful. When they call you names that are so beyond your character. When they lie about things that happened infront of your family. This was the hardest part of this relationship with me. It’s the lack of truth and the antagonism. Although it took some time after i asked for a divorce i went no contact and suddenly the noise just stopped. Its the only way.
I stay away, I stay in safe place, creating safe and comfortable grounds for me to heal, to lick my wounds, to stand and dance on my terms, to sing and love as I will.. AND... I speak with their souls in the dream space -- this has been huge for me. I have reached a couple of them in the heart and soul, because it wasn't their intent to be narcissist, others, I don't know, yes, safe distance, still hope and "seed" solutions for them, they are like addicts, addicted to this way, getting their "hits" from the energy of others, rather than realizing they can make their own.
The Bible says, don't resist an evil person... I didn't get it till now... you don't engage, don't defend, don't explain.. you just say OK and leave it at that! Makes so much sense and I believe it!
@delaw2xoxo269 resist the devil and he will flee. Draw near to God and he will draw near (neigh) to you. You resist the devil (spiritual being) by drawing near to God. This also applies to narcissistic ppl, by drawing near to God (on your own/personal relationship). But when it comes to people, do not resist or argue with them.
Ramani has preyed on strangers, violated, exploited, targeted, defamed, stalked, and enslaved strangers to build her platform for years, and she calls those *strangers* "narcissists." Ramani projected who she is and described herself by saying "narcissists want to dominate and not understand." She has enslaved strangers for years. She has thrived on abuse for years, has thrived on enslavement, has built her platform stalking strangers 24/7 for years, and has told perpetual lies about strangers she doesn't know on her public platform for years. She has dominated, and she never had to understand, never had to ask those strangers one question to try to understand anything. She has told endless lies to dominate, over years, and her platform is built on lies. It's so ridiculous people claim she's telling the truth when she's literally describing who she is, especially when her actions never mattered. None of this matters
If you are going to go toe to toe with a narcissist, STAND YOUR GROUND AND STAY FOCUSED!!! Last Friday I shut my husband all the way down. He interrupted me and took over my thought process for the last damn time. I told him that had something to say and he was going to hear about it. I went in on him and wouldn't let him talk when he wanted to interrupt me by sternly telling him that "I said I have something to say and you're going to listen". It worked. Each time I did that it got easier to shut him up. He was absolutely silent when I was done. I mean he had nothing to say. After I said what I had to say I shut completely down and didn't talk to him nor did I acknowledge he was there. I felt nothing. The next day I left when he went to go get coffee. It was smooth AF! I am very proud of myself for making the steps to take my life back. I am safe with a great support system that accepts my autonomy and respects my healing process in so many loving ways.
It’s “EXHAUSTING “…..they slowly and painfully destroy you, your life, your family, everything…..they suck out your energy, vitality, joy, spirit…PREPARE, WORK , SAVE, LEAVE….
And learn to meditate to calm your sympathetic nervous system that wants to bring you to fight and express your anger, it's futile! Save your energy to create your new life. Yes, without him. Go to therapy to release abandonment beliefs. Celebrate that you will not abandon you🎉❤.
@@arnelevans4803 Do NOT let him know anything that you are planning. He will make plans to stop you. I got out after 30yrs. Best move ever! Like the person above, I wish I had left earlier. Best of luck to you. Do what you need to do to be well! ❤
Hello , me too. The more I hear The more I want hear from Those Monsters , They being Moving around Hurting and Taking Advantage of good Human beings and No Consequences ! Some use The word Karma , what I think What way to live ! There U have , That you Karma .
They will NEVER change. It took me the best part of 18 years to realise this. I cant leave yet but i will. Its a life of misery and madness to be married/live with a narcissist.
I left. 15 years. No kids thank goodness. Silently two years ago. I sofa surf among family and work two jobs . I don't mind sleeping in my car either. I do what I must. I'm tired but I'm free and content now. I don't have much except my freedom and my mental health. It's an upgrade! It's enough for now.i wish you the best. Be brave and very silent. Just go if you can!
Leave as soon as you can, they will drain the life out of you and won't be sorry, I don't know what is going to happen to my two boys and I, after divorce but it's better than staying with someone that makes you feel like wasted space and a piece of trash. That's how my ex husband made me feel for no reason. I know no one will believe me but he seriously did
Yes it is, I was with narc ex husband for 37 years… a lot of the time I was gaslit into believing a lot of the arguments/fights etc. were my fault!! If you try and defend yourself they say you’re mad, they mix you up, start with word salad, cuss things up that happened years ago… turn everything around and blame you. They are cruel, nasty people with no concerns for anyone but themselves.
@@youareloved8274 I believe you 100%…I went through the same, was with narc ex husband for 37 years… I know exactly how you felt, I felt the same, I felt as if I was nothing, unimportant,a nuisance, everyone and everything else came before me!! The narc’s are so good at making people think they’re wonderful, they are so false, put in an act… we know it’s an act… but most people out there don’t, that’s why I understand when you think no one will believe you. Just know that there are people who definitely do believe you😊
My Mouth is open listening to this... Him being monotone me always trying to explain. Asthma flaired up like crazy , exhausted tired all the time, Once I left... The Change was immediate. I Was wife #3 On my Healing Journey.
This is so true. This is why my narc left. We only texted so whenever he blamed me for something, I just tell him to scroll up. Whenever he wanted to know my day, I kept it vague. And whenever he hinted some kind interest for my info, I just wait till he asked. Then he left and said, "I dont understand you." And ghosted me. It wasn't until months later I realized that he was really saying was, "I cant manipulate you to get what I want so I'm leaving." Best day of my life. ❤
I also reverted to “text fighting” because my words cannot be used to create word salad. If they dwell on something besides the point, I would just reply myself and say “no, this is what I’m feeling”, or “no, that’s not what I said”. The stonewalling happens very soon after I stand my ground 😂😅 peace
It's so sad that we have to be THIS strategic to have "normal" conversations with someone so toxic. I miss feeling curious and safe in a pursuit. -sigh- one day ❤
On the off chance he was not a narcissist, which is likely that he wasn't (we all have traits, not everyone has a personality disorder), you doing these things just made you the problem, no?
@@tubemankiwi maybe, could be. Survivors call it gray rocking. You may call it whatever you want. All I know is that I dont feel like im questioning my reality, im at peace, and never going back.
OMG ... Dr. Ramani is describing my 29 year marriage to a T. He said he wanted to leave, was shocked I expected half of our assets, and then decided he would stay. I told him we'll have to just be roommates because I'm NEVER sleeping with him again. He has lied, cheated, given me an STI, and completely dismissed everything I've done for him and our children. Thanks to Dr. Ramani, I don't expect him to EVER change. I can't leave yet, but one day I will. ❤️
There's no amount of $$ worth your piece of mind and safety. I'd pay twice what family court cost me if I could go back in time and give him the money to leave me alone.
That is VERY scary- and I have been there! My ex is a malignant narcissist, and those last 6 months living in the same house with him (before I was able to leave safely with my child), were truly a nightmare. I constantly feared for the safety of myself and my child-every moment… Meaning, I rarely slept at all during those final months… even when my child and I slept in a separate room down the hall from him every night during that time. Some of the most terrifying moments of my life. Get out a soon as you can.🙏❤️
My plan 17 yrs in the making, my smallest kid will be 18 yrs old next yr, as I became stronger emotionally and mentally, I got the chance to draw most boundaries. I never understood that yr peace of mind and well being is greatest gift, and loosing a property or material stuff is nothing compared to freedom
The moment for me that ended my relationship with him was two weeks after my brother committed suicide. I said to him that i was feeling very vulnerable and I needed the people closest to me to be honest because my brother just committed suicide and my now ex interrupted me to tell me that i should do the same. 😳 right then i knew i was done. It helped that he also had me arrested about an hour later acusing me of assaulting him which i didn't do....but i didn't care. The arrest just cemented the whole breakup for me. I hadn't been arrested before.... Im almost 2 years out of that relationship and still recovering from 24 years(1998-2022) of emotional and psychological abuse. Our daughter (almost 24) chose him...and literally treats me as badly as he did/does. Im adjusting to being absolutely alone... its not easy but im doing it. Worth the peace.... because he did nothing but bring chaos to my life.
So sorry about your daughter. Would u be able to send her or watch with some dr. Ramani podcasts? Sorry about your bro. Also. He grew up where u grew up...
I'm so sorry. It's insane to me how no one else really knows them. Everyone else thinks they are so wonderful and giving and sweet. And they are. All the time they are showing everyone exactly who they are. Until the front door closes and it's just the two of you. That's my life. He's amazing to everyone in his orbit. I'm the crazy bitch who's ruining his life and stealing all of his happiness. That's what his two daughters think. My daughter finally witnessed it a few years ago and saw right through him. She knows how wonderful and kind he is and she also knows how he treats her mom. 😢
Thank you ladies I’m in tears at work just used my last to do an apt app and starting over is scary already say a prayer for me all the stories in this comment area gave me hope he literally makes my hands shake
It is only Fear F=Face E=everything A=and R= Recover This is my motto to move on. Better place, I will always stand by this. Praying for all leaving. It is scary.
Be very CAREFUL about what you do and how you do it. Some narcissists will do almost anything to keep their convenient supply. It’s the most dangerous time to better your life. I’m saying Dangerous for a reason.
@@valleygirl2530 I made it out 🤞🏾 I’m staying with family until my money is saved we have a child so we talk but I’m solid and working through the pain of it all still in shock and it was getting aggressive slammed doors and screaming I truly believe I left right in time. Thank you so much
100% right!! Keeping conversations surface level is all they can handle. Narcissists can't have deep conversations and they don't know how to resolve conflicts, repair damage, and build something better. Every interaction is a competition for them. Even something like sharing something you heard on the news or read on some magazine. They will lose it, angrily telling you that you're wrong and ask if you think they are stupid . If you try to give any kind of helpful information, you think they are stupid. You stop giving that info, they ask why you didn't tell them XYZ when something didn't work or go their way. You're really damned if you do and damned if you don't with these people. NO to Unsolicited advice of any kind/trying to help them solve their problems. They don't want a solution. They just want to complain without interruption. Defending or explaining yourself or what you meant (I've been using the "ok" response for years. It can help). They don't care. They are just baiting you. Trying to hold them accountable or fix them. They can't hear you. They don't care about your pain. Holding onto the fantasy that they will be nicer to you at some point in the future. You're setting yourself up for huge disappointment and a whole lot of abuse. Just say no!!
My mother was 19 when I was born, she didn't want me, gaslighted me until she died last December. I left home at 17 and married a brutal narcissist at 20, and had 3 kids by 25. Left a very toxic marriage after 18 years of cheating, lying and stealing, he took everything, and 27 years later the kids want him! Such a head game, he tells them that I have mental illness and they drink his poison 😢 I AM OUT!
Same! There’s no point in maintaining contact with someone who you can’t be real with and who will send the rest of the family after you if you upset them! I can only exist as a shell of a person when I’m around them.
He gets irate to try and get you into your old pattern of engaging and escalating. That is when you have to hold the line even more. And then you might have to do this pattern over and over again for a while.
❤i used to get this all the time. Heartbeat in the ears and dizzy. I had ko ifea that was from high blood pressure. I had it all the time. Thank God Im still here.
We are already smarter than they are. The key is to not allow what makes us more evolved, our emotional maturity, cause for us to have so much empathy for them that we allow for them to abuse us. Most times, it is this empathy that gets us in trouble. We don’t respond the way we should at the first sign of misconduct because we assume that we are incorrect in our judgment. We are smart enough to know that if someone is damaged they are going to act out and mistreat others. So, we are more patient with them. This is where the problem comes in. Our caring and ability to identify with a person’s pain causes for us to fall victim to their callous behavior. We move the boundary for them because we believe if we do, we can help them. We believe that all they need is love. The problem is, they don’t really want it. They just wanted us to move the boundary. They literally want to see if they can continue to make us do things we not wish to do. They want to see if they can cause a reaction that is out of character. They want to watch us unravel. It makes them feel powerful. Moreover, if you feel sure that your husband might never cheat on you, you might have to rethink. Most wives in marriages are shocked when they find out their husband cheating, and it happens more with people who never thought they would cheat. This is why you have to take the tiniest suspicion carefully. If your husband is cheating on you, the best and probably the only guaranteed way to catch him is to spy on their phones. However, spying on a phone is not something you can do without any external help unless you have the James bond level of spy skills. In such case you will need an expert phone spyier Metaspyhub@gmail. com for the purpose,,,
Absolutely!!! It’s an energy “exchange” where you’re giving your all from your heart and they’re taking it with each insult, manipulation, lie and disrespect. They use your live against you. They know you’ll give again out of love and they use you till you’re all dried up.
I love this! I have spent 16 years with this madness. I keep my peace by keeping my distance. I feel so much better now. Ear plugs and loud music has been a life saver. You cannot confide in these people!
Totally get you been using my AirPods and loud music to cope with many things as a wife and mother feeling this way with my husband and his family 🙄🫠🥹🥲😔. Music has been my outlet and TikTok as well .
@@YadiraEspitiaVelazco87 , listening to positive people like Les Brown. I found out about Lisa on @TrentShelton podcast. She is amazing! Now this PhD is bringing the full picture in clear view!
@@joyceadamothralls4858 , they can’t help themselves. It is their pathology. When I did it back, it was so pathetic to see how weak and small they are. Not worth it because I was acting like the very thing I despise. It didn’t make me feel better.
The only way to take control from a narcissist is to get yourself from their domain first. You wont be able to figure out anything until and unless you are out of the hellish world. I will tell you one of my favourite stories. Once a King was too disturbed by everything that was happening around him. He felt as if no one was loyal to him and he was always afraid of his kingdom being attacked by perpetrators. He lost his sleep and his life had become hell. So he thought of taking a brief sojourn in the countryside. He passed through lush green fields and picturesque landscapes. The silent breeze that brushed through his hair filled his heart with joy. That is when he saw a farmer who was putting fence around his farmland. But his farmland had weeds all over and they hardly had any crops. This intrigued the King. He asked the farmer as to why was he putting a fence around the farm when the farm itself was covered with weeds. To this the farmer said that the farm was his own so he could get rid of the weeds whenever he liked. But he cant stop the stray dogs from running over his fields and destroying them. That is why he was putting the fence. To stop the stray dogs from venturing into the field. Once he was very assured about the security of his fields he can work on clearing the weeds and planting crops. On hearing this the King somewhat got the answer which he had been searching for. The human mind is also like the field. You cant control assholes from fiddling with your mind or saying bullshit. But you can definitely put a fence ( figuratively) so that these assholes cant influence you. And until and unless you dont put a fence you can never work on yourself. Once you have distanced yourself from toxic people then you can work on the healing process. Same is the case with narcs. Narcs are these stray dogs who suck your energy emotionally. They play mind games for fun because their mind wants melodrama. They hurt the very people who love them. So total isolation from these narcs is absolutely essential for the well being of your Mind. Once you are out of their mind games you can take decisions rationally. Narcs try to drain you emotionally. So everytime you respond to their low vibrations you tend to come to their level. But when you react confidently without panicking and without responding to their negative vibrations that is when you Win. When someone realises that you arent being influenced or being manipulated by their actions they will get tired of it. And after cutting them off completely from your lives you should work on your healing process. Work on clearing your mental clutter and keep yourself preoccupied. Read books and most importantly try to find your Purpose in life. When you find your Purpose you will be able to bear any pain in this World. Most importantly help others in need. When you find someone else who is stuck with a narc help them to get out of that. I feel this is the way to take control from a narcissist. P.S: I hardly find people around me who know about emotional abuse. But I think everyone should read and know about it. In today’s mean world you will find a lot of people who try to influence you or demoralise you using the sweetest of words. Its about identifying these covert manipulators and distancing yourself from them. I have immense respect for people who have survived narcissistic partners. They happen to be the most strongheaded and emotionally stable people you can come across. I learn a lot of things from them. Truly the broken will always be the most beautiful. What ever you do, don’t attempt to tail your spouse in the hopes of catching him or her cheating. Get a professional to do it for you Metaspyhub@gmail. com Ethical remote App - particularly if you need this evidence to file for divorce and damages.
Beautifully written and I love the analogy of the farmer and stray dogs. I have survived 2 narcissistic relationships, the last one being a covert narcissist.
The story of the king...was really so good. Thank you. Is there on google a search for this story? I would like to print it out. Your explanation is gold. But not easy. It takes long to get there. I am tired, so i try to avoid all people alltogether... Stray dogs are the best. They know what real friendship is and behave in a way, where you feel for the first time real genuine companionship and genuine friendship for life. They know how to love. Stray dogs...i would not make a fence against them. Ever.❤
Omg! When you talk about being callus I went through that for 55 years…my husband never gave a damn and I knew that!!!!!!! It’s the most horrible feeling in the world. I was sick all my life but it was because of living with a Narcissist! Had I got out I maybe would have healed. Today I am still here but I have watched a lot of videos and I am my own person and avoid him and do not react. I learned to be alone. I spent my whole marriage alone. This session helped me to see that there are people who understand. ❤
I am going through the same thing. There were red flags. I am in a 8 year marriage. I am 69 yrs and he is 77. He was married 3 times before we got married. Red flags I have missed, with deep regret. I listen to this program.
There are people who understand, and there are also people who help people like us reclaim ourselves. I'm one of those people, I'm developing a podcast, and am in groups that support me to be me. I need that, after, 54 years of narcissistic abuse...
I understand completely. And, I am so happy you’ve made space for yourself. Make sure you find love too. Love with good friends, family… anyone. Make sure you have someone great who cares for you. Keep your smile strong ❤
Arguing with a narcissist, you are only adding more fuel to the fire. You will only end up feeling drained trying to reason with someone who thrives on drama. Your mental health and energy is more important than wasting your time on these energy vampires. Focus on what truly matters to you while they revel in their own chaos.
I did find taking a stand with a colleague meant she shut up hassling me so much. However, she's by nature deeply manipulative, so I'm minimising contact & hoping she just doesn't find me satisfying to hassle so much anymore!
@@jzen1455this happened to me yesterday :'( Mom blamed me for being like my dad although I never met my dad:/ I pushed back while standing up for myself and I really didn't like raising my voice and getting angry in the process. It's like I forget to not engage and it usually doesn't end well:(
For Narcissists it’s about “Lesson Teaching” and proving they’re right about you and everything. They have no qualms about destroying your life to teach you “lessons” and prove they’re the true victim. STAY AWAY NO EXCEPTIONS
Very true. One. Time I was so ill couldn't get up.he got back from. Work and was pissed. There' Was no dinner . Next day I was still lying down sick. He went to work and stayed away ( travelled I guess) for two weeks . Came back and acted as though nothing happened.
My sister is a narcissist. When I set boundaries and told her to not speak to me like this, she became livid. She said, "who are YOU to tell ME how to talk to you!?" My eyes were opened when she told me she deliberately manipulates people to get them to do what she wants them to do and to convince them that her ideas are their ideas. She had a smile on her face when telling me this! She is a very successful saleswoman who thrives on power and money.
At minute 53. Wow. Before he left, my ex husband threatened to put me out on the street with a divorce. He said this in front of our 3 children, too. Who says that? Who goes from saying they wanted to fix our marriage and a few weeks later threatens you that way? So glad I'm out of that.
I am seeing a counsellor because I needed help to manage the problems in my marriage. He is now saying I'm seeing a counsellor because I have "personality disorder, or psychotic " I resorted to being silent, and now he is accusing me of abusing him because I'm giving him the silent treatment. I've learned that when I tried to explain myself or defend myself, he would call me angry or aggressive or abusive. He has a tendency to taunting me. Saying hurtful things about my late mother. And when I reacted, he would call me psychotic
Number 1. rule..when he opens his mouth to say something....WALK AWAY. 2. No eye contact..at all. Keep your own thoughts to yourself. After the cheating and having my Heart torn out..I stopped TRYING.I HATE my husband, can't stand to be in the same room...and this has been going for 25 yrs. So stop talking, eye contact...It's hard to live like this..if you can leave..leave...I can't at the moment..so I've gone on my own way of enjoying my life because my husband hates anything I do.and now it's fine because now I have REAL things that I fill my life with now.....and leave that asshole sitting in a chair talking to himself...I treat him like a roommate that you don't need to engage with..he's nothing!
@janpressler1491 I just left and have sense of relief. Peaceful mornings. I enjoy my peace and quiet. I hope you can start planning on getting out. If you unable to leave keep your friends and family close. Do not isolate yourself
I had a similar problem. Don’t tell him anything at all about how you feel or any vulnerability you have. It’s probably ptsd if anything which is probably from him in the first place
I have some extremely toxic neighbours who have latched on to hating me - for no good reason really. I stopped talking to them 6 months ago, but they STILL are on the phone being vicious talking about me, and after shouting at me recently someone else complained and they've been told to not talk to me. Every time they write lies to the body corporate of the complex, I've written an email explaining the facts - which sometimes is just: me saying nothing's happened or changed, they're just making up more stories out of nothing! And yes, I'm fixing my place and looking for a nicer neighbourhood where hopefully my tribe of creative kind community minded positive people will be!
After 42 years I disengaged, grey rocked and didn’t succumb to the victim mode. They didn’t leave, the escalated to suicide threats which was their go-to when I had tried before. I ended up calling the police to help him but it was me who HAD to leave before I was lost.
Those suicide threats are horrific! My narcissistic mother frequently did that to me as a teenager…💔💔💔 I was too young to figure out how to deal with it so first I ran away. She wanted an apology FROM ME when I returned. After another one of her dramas where she was going to “kill herself because she hated me”, I took an overdose of an antibiotic 🤭 then called someone to take me to the emergency room where they had to call home for consent. I drank syrup of epicac, vomited 🤮 the contents & listened to a nurse ADMONISH ME. Mother appeared in a kerchief & dark sunglasses & gave me the silent treatment for at least a month. It’s all about their IMAGE on the outside but behind closed doors… Wish I had known/thought of calling the police for her suicidal threats!!! At least the information is available now… back then I’d probably be the one locked up! I’m 70+ now so times have changed.
@user-ly8ft2wb1c you're right- times have changed- back in the early '70s when I first tried to leave my abusive parents, they got the police & I got the option of a home for bad children or go home to the devil I knew. There were no school counsellors or social services that would or could help - it was all: "good parents bad kids".
@@Victoria-c4n you're right. I've had a lot of counselling and it seems a long long time ago down the road I've travelled. I hope you have some nice and lovely things and activities to enjoy now.
Wow MY NARC husband did the same thing! He told me that he would kill himself if I didn’t come back I honestly felt like he were. He hung up in my face . I kept calling him back. I got no answer. So I ended up calling police. Eventually he ended up calling me back angry that I had the police come to the house 🤦🏾♀️
I did the don't go deep method and learn to grey rock. Now without me holding up the relationship emotionally, It revealed a great void on his end of seeming to be almost inept at connection/empathy.
It's funny to read other people saying this phrase, bc I used it for years to describe an apparent BPD person's behavior until they passed. I guess I'm nit the only one who used that quote! 😅
I agree after experiencing this behavior of a narcissistic from my x wife I truly believe that there was a evil spirit that had to be controlling her actions.
The self is broken and with it went its humanity.... that left a void which filled up with something we don't quite understand. It is more a "not-being" than a spirit, a void (of light? of the odem? of the godly spark?) but yes, it does have a quality of its own. It's a quality of lack, of something missing, of resentment. . It is what makes us feel we are dealing with a black hole that sucks in everything and gives nothing back.
i never knew my husband was a narcissist, because i didn’t know what a narcissist was. three years after i caught him cheating i finally figured it out. don’t engage, but understand they will find someone who will-whether you are married or not. marriage means nothing to them just like everything else.
For the 2nd time in 14 years my daughter cut me off. She totally deleted me. No explanation. So 26 months later she made contact. Talking about closure. I blocked her. It is hard. Just can't let it happen for a 3rd time.
I can't ever watch Doctor Ramani's videos enough. Tim Fletcher has fantastic videos on RU-vid too. He breaks down shame, complex trauma, codependency, narcissism, inner critic and much more. They are both great at what they teach💖
54:00 - 100%. Apathy is worse than anger, malice, etc. It's hellish when you grow up with both, then attract mostly careless people. It's painful - really actually scary.
Dr Ramani & Lisa, You two are Precious Human Beings! Thank You, for this Knowledge! It is so Interesting to LOOK BACK & SEE that I Naturally Cracked the CODE & Developed Defense Strategies that Match Exactly what I Did Before I had any knowledge Whatsoever.
She is absolutely right. When you walk around being someone's narcissistic chew toy for years like I have, then you need to equip yourself or absolutely lose yourself.
I just nod and smile, nod and smile, than when insulted I I smile real BIG and say "I love you" in a very gentle creepy calm voice, one it creeps them out and two how can they turn that around without looking like a jerk 😂 especially when in public, be the calm one, the nice one, the one who never steps out of line, become above reproach, establish a good reputation and let the narc go off in public lose his temper in public and that's how ya expose the narcissist, what scares them is calm, what scares them is the uncertainty, what scares a narcissist is that you could be more dangerous underneath the calm like a psychopath, become calm, quiet and uncaring, become cold and fake nice, they notice it freaks them out
@@randideelancaster9904IT Also Depends On Which Nut You Dealing With. SOME You Can't Tease Will Think You Dissing Them. Creativity Has Saved Plenty From Savage Rapist/ Killers. Know WHEN To Fight, Flight Or Chill In Whatever.
I wish I knew this 20 Years ago. My husband is a covert narcissist. I felt so unworthy over the years and thought I was crazy. Dr Ramani makes it so clear. I have taken the power back.
He didnt discard me because I wasn’t functional or broken.. it was because I became so good at hiding my emotions and unmasked him. I guess he had to get supply from elsewhere.
Kinda the same for me. I was waiting for him to do the discard or to let it seem that way, but I had closed my heart and moved forward when he sent me the lousy text, hahaha. I haven't replied since. Totally radio silence. I will never look back.
I discarded,I set the stage implemented the day 1-1-24. After 24 yrs relapse/recovery his last relapse metabolic steroids gym adoration porn social media. He was pretty busy……. Never saw it coming. Happy New Year I never looked back our lives are worth so much more. I’m 73 & fearless 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻
I discarded him as knew he was a DV covert narcissist and had tapped out many weeks before I finally told him to we were done. Lies, gaslighting, mind fks, deflection, projection, anger issues etc. sad to see it play out but after 3months I was done and told him it was over. Peace
I’ve started binging these. My divorce went through 2 years ago, but I’m still recovering. We were married for almost 25 years, and I lost my home, my financial security, and my friends. He’s so charming in public, they decided I was selfish. I had to do it, though. It was like a 25 year vortex of confusion, uncertainty, isolation, anxiety, and depression. I still have massive problems with anxiety and depression, but I can hang a picture on the wall and I don’t have to worry about whether or not it’s in the perfect place or not. I don’t have IBS anymore. My whole body started breaking down, but I had no idea it was abusive for over 2 decades. This is all so validating! Thank you so much for doing this work!
I love how the Bible describes epidemy of narcism : II Tym. 3:1-5. I really love the 5th when Paul says:... "and from these [people] turn away" It's so refreshing❤and I fully understand this now. Don't go deep.❤
Absolutely they leave .because you just disengage and they are exposed. They cannot tolerate that. I live with a 100% narcissist. The insanity is off the charts. And Dr. RAMANI nails these people everytime. Im anazed at how right she is everytime.
Ty for this. I started doing this when he started blaming me for how i was being mistreated at work and i stopped telling him real time truths. I just kept it vague and boring and eventually he got bored of me and discard me. So glad my plan worked. 11 months and counting of no contact! Hurrah to me! ❤
I finally left the most insane narcissist after 20+ years, with a few pieces of furniture, a car and a college degree. Now I have had more than 20+ years with the love of my life! We have weathered many difficult things, but our love and FRIENDSHIP has never wavered. I stayed with the first one because of children and threats. You do whatever you need to do, but leave if at all possible. God bless.
Some are. We are a family of a narc. My husband stood up to his narc son. We took our DIL and grandson in since my stepson was abusing her. My husband threatened to call the police if his son came to our home. Now stepson is on a smear campaign making up vicious lies about my husband saying he is not safe for our grandson to be around. He is the only one that stands up to him and believe me he’s trying to punish us for it.
I am so glad Tracy is talking about how women are our own worst enemies. I have found this to be true for so much of my life. I was quite literally a child of the 60's and a teenager of the 70's. Sooo by the time I entered young adulthood I had no choice but to enter into the workforce and was met with resentment from every direction. The Air Force men hated me for "taking a man's job" and their wives all assumed I was a whore because I worked with their husbands .. who were not only trying to sabotage my career but also trying to treat themselves to me and my precious time.. huh. I never dated those idiots and frankly always figured if the wives knew half the stuff I did, they wouldn't want those men either. (I used to just listen to them talking at work). In civilian work life every time I ended up working with women they ganged up on me and did the most atrocious things... I've changed jobs many times. I've never understood why women are so hateful to one another. I'm 65 now and still don't see how the burning of bra's by women in the 60s ever helped me. They took away my opportunity to ever really have my idea of a marriage because everyone, men AND women were so confused after that era, nobody could figure out where we stood or what we should be doing. The entire aftermath of the 60s left everyone discombobulated.
I'm sorry you went through that. Same happened to me at so many corporate jobs... You have a good point re: feminist movement. Battle of the sexes is at an all time high right now. I also blame the feminist movement & don't feel it benefited me either bc I'm a nurturer & am happy being home raising my children. Praying you find your peace & happiness.
I too am a Veteran from the late 80s. I was the first female mechanic in a bunch of guys and 80% of them were so mean I had to grow a really thick skin and work twice as hard to have any respect at all. They told my Squad Leader they didn't want me before I arrived. It was brutal. Then afterward my bully ex broke my trust by bulldozing and not letting me be in a safe relationship. He would rather literally endanger my life than not feel like he won every battle he instigated. That's when I began planning my exit - when I could have died because of his anger and he didn't care. Since it's still a man's world, women in the workforce fight each other like Alpha crabs in a trap for the promotions I never wanted. Dang if you do and dang if you don't politic and climb the ladder. You get eaten either way! Most single men only want one thing, and now they use Fem as their excuse for doing what they always HAVE done anyway - use women in a temporary relationship! I don't play that game. I just work really hard at what I'm good at and hang with close friends. I'd like a spouse, but it seems almost impossible to find a healthy, safe, loving relationship in this new world. I'm old school and too intelligent to keep tolerating the same cycles of abuse. That combo of smart and still conservative seems practically criminal these days, so I quit looking. I don't want "women's independence" but it was forced on me by this disposable Lib culture. Even good men complain about our culture, but then pick only the fake women. Men who want wives can always rob the cradle too, so I truly feel your loss.
Even though we were just friends. When I took my power back and left... The grief still hurts so bad. I felt like they did die. I did feel like I put them in the ground 6 feet under.
@@christelleny omg in going through this right now... awake watching this video because of it He agreed to stay in the home for the younger kids but separate bedrooms for us. But I have to organise everything.. ordered the bed , put it together... I want to decorate the room in his style but older kids say don't bother... he wanted to go so let him do it himself. They have a point. .. I think its just me so caring too much... being a bit of a fool maybe
@@christellenywow..a few weeks. I guess I could see him leaving soon anyway .. his agreeing to stay was a very 'hero of the day' scene. Yeah OK I won't bother... cheers for the advice. 😉
Th father of my children, and my husband, threatened to burn the house down if I went after it in the divorce even if that meant his children had no place to live in. He wouldn't pay child support for his 2 children. Never because it would mean giving me money. So I built my career and when I could support my children without child support, I left him. He never took his children for weekends. He saw them at dinners at his parents. He chatted with them but it was a superficial relationship. He eventually passed away from cancer. He said he had his funeral arrangements taken care of and a 250k life insurance policy for his children. There were no funeral arrangements made and the insurance was 50k. There was a small policy at a bank and my children sold his suv for a good sum. The house we bought for 95k was mortgaged for 199k and in foreclosure when he died. It was truly disgusting but not surprising. He had all addictions except sexual. He thought of no one but himself.
When they were speaking of the husband being 100% ok with the wife being homeless, they were describing indifference (lack of empathy) which my friend would always say is the opposite of love, not hatred (ill will).
29:48 to 30:30. People with narcissistic traits often struggle with feelings of inadequacy and may react negatively when others receive praise or recognition. This can lead them to try to devalue or undermine others' achievements to maintain a sense of superiority or control. Totally agreeing..
Yes, they can. But never, if it's not to their advantage. They even can sound somewhat like being empathic for the same reason, but it's rare and just feels not truthfull because it's very far from their nature (also giving some of it seemingly random is very effective manipulation).
You know I always thought it was weird that he’d call me several times throughout the work day and immediately start talking about whatever it was HE was doing, working on, whatever. Never ever just says Hello first or anything like it. Just immediately talking non stop about himself, his work day etc.,,
10 yrs ago I met a “cool, calm, ‘successful’ guy. I thought I met my prince charming(he was very charming, attentive, always want to do what I like etc) love bomb 💣 left and right) All sudden like a train crash, he got controlling, passive aggressive, jealous, gaslighting. I was extremely confused, self blame, found of myself having to explain everything. When I got sick I felt bad and a burden. Physically I was getting sick and constantly 2nd guess myself 🤦🏻♀️. “ I had to leave the system “ is spot on. “nothing I do here is going to make a difference” I too exhausted all possibilities. I was heartbroken but he was a wolf 🐺 in 🐑 clothing. Thank you ladies !!!! ❤❤
Bless you, Ramani. The facial expressions with " Yah, I really liked it. " Huge teaching package for the reflexively nice person. I am dealing with 2 such people, in a church community, to boot. Due to early shaming from the narcissistic parent, the nervous system actively avoids people who "win" by shaming others. Big step to know oneself as highly imperfect, yes, but ignore the bait of naysayers. No puppet strings for those who game others.
