I agree Samuel. Marriages full of contempt can be healed. We are proof of that. It is possible. It may take a while but if at least one spouse is willing to work through the contempt, healing is possible.
Your words give me hope. My wife has told me she want's a divorce after my infidelity. Its been two years since it happened and she cant heal or forgive yet. Its so hard but i will not give up.
Andrew Rincon It takes a lot of time, humility & very HARD WORK to even start to heal a broken heart. The more you are loved & trusted the more it shatters the very being of the victim of infidelity. Can you truly answer “Why?” you did it yet? It takes a lot more time & communication than people think! Good Luck! At least you’re trying to heal her & not just leaving her broken & battered...
I just want to say that these videos give me so much hope. I'm still in the discovery phase, and my wife is still trying to decide if she believes in anything anymore, but I have jumped wholeheartedly into these videos and the bootcamp and I just can't thank you enough. Not only have I gained insight into my own behavior, but also a little into what she must be feeling and they have given me a chance to avoid some(not all lol) mistakes I would have definitely made. So thanks and God Bless you guys.
@@samshealingpodcast thank you. I do believe this has brought me back to my Catholic faith. I've been filling my time now between your videos, my faith and just doing anything she needs done around the house or with the kids. We both started seeing therapists on our own, as well as a couple's therapist that specializes in infidelity and actually recommended this to us. I had already started watching the videos, so she(the therapist) was happy to hear that. It's still painful, but my wife and I have started talking again, so that's good. I know it's a long road ahead, but your words and videos give me hope that maybe we can not only survive this, but come out better. Thanks again. God Bless.
I adore my Unfaithful. I love him so much. But 4 years post D-day I am so sensitive and if he says one thing I interpret as him not liking me I panic and attack him (emotionally, verbally) for hours. It’s like I can’t help it. Then after I feel so bad, and he cries himself to sleep thinking I hate him and that I’ll never forgive him. It’s so sad. I say I’m sorry and I’ll never do it again but I just continue to lash out. I don’t know how to stop getting triggered.
Mikey’s Water Girl I wish that I could explode like that! It must be so very therapeutic! I’m paralysed in silence. Utterly shattered, broken & lost. I can’t even remember who I was before...
Suzi Monkey it’s not therapeutic, it’s abusive and only undermines the one thing I want so badly which is to be close again, a team again, and feel adored and admired. I wish that I could just shut down and pull away. But if I did he wouldn’t pursue me. I’d disappear, and he’d find another passion. That’s my fear at least. I’m sure things will get better for you if you can get good counseling. We have never gotten any good counseling, for one reason or another.
Interesting to hear you say the unfaithful can feel contempt as well. Obvious for the betrayed, seems to me me but as the unfaithful, doesn't seem right to feel contempt for the betrayed. Does that tend to start before the affair? One of the causes, perhaps?
graciously my friend, we say lots of things in anger and rage we don't mean. that's especially true if someone has been betrayed and is dealing with ptsd or if the spouse has been unfaithful and is lashing out in anger and rage. it doesn't mean they really mean it but they may be speaking out of anger and rage not from their true heart's feelings.
FEMA KAMPF COUNSELOR I cant move past the calculatedly cruel things that he said! The look on his face & the passion in his eyes haunt me...particularly when he was talking about ‘her’. Ugh! Shattered!!
What if the betrayer is the one with contempt? It irritates him for me to work 45 steps away. He has said the most awful things to me like saying he will never be the person to do life with me. The worst part is he "does not want to throw in the towel". I told him to hit the road so I could heal. He says he wants to work on the marriage but just box checks. Ugh, am I just an idiot to keep hanging on?
Finding this video very healing &helpful, healing on your own as betrayed contempt is hard to navigate & grasped. Now I have some guidance and just accept is a good start, thank you 🙏🏻
Would like to hear more about dealing with covert contempt from the unfaithful (he’s checking boxes, but years hasn’t gotten proper, qualified, accountable help and is stuck in minimize, rationalize, blameshifting). It’s clear by behaviors he sees himself as a victim and has the view me as the problem to justify his addictions and infidelities (which he brought into the marriage). It seems his victim mentality/covert contempt prevents him from developing any compassion or empathy necessary for his victims. How does the betrayed deal with contempt attitude from unfaithful when they’re stuck in minimize, rationalize and blameshifting?
by not letting them stay stuck and getting expert help. by asking...then perhaps demanding they get expert help and start the process. you don't have to tolerate that. these two pieces will help some for sure: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founders/how-get-mate-cooperate www.affairrecovery.com/survivors/samuel/they-get-say-no-life-going-change
Hi Samuel, my husband keeps on having dreams of me and my emotional affair partner. He wakes up so angry with me. He doesn't talk to me for the day and said he loathes me. We are 2.5 years past D-day. It hurts terribly when he has these moments and l do feel like l want out of the marriage. It is only because of his behavior now that he sees that he needs professional help. I know he has deep contempt towards me. His eyes tell me. I have done everything possible my side to seek help. He just refused and now we are here. It's getting harder to accept his behavior. Thank you for the video, it has helped me.
She does not want to open any communication. Its bad bcz im now putting up barriers and if its punishment eventually i would not give a shit...i dont want sex but words they are wind but there are the building blocks of a relationship and even a frienship....i dont know what she is doing......i know im wrong but i would take that for too long.
Hey Samuel, me and my wife ha affair issues. We were living together and she left. We were talking and agreed to work things out and tried for a month and it didn’t feel like things were being worked on. She was living with family and it seemed as if she was avoiding me other than through text or just hooking up. Well I went on a trip and hooked up with someone and she found out. I’m trying to fix things and right now we are living separately but it’s as if we completely restarted from scratch. She sees me every Saturday and comes over. But she’s stated she wants to take things slow. We still grab food together here and there, when we talk it’s still flirty. When she comes over she still wants to cook together here and there. I’m not sure how I should go about working on things or if I’m reading too far into things
i would get expert help my friend. that way you can be on a timeline and let the program help guide you not your emotions or wounds. try this online course: www.affairrecovery.com/product/ems-online i would also commit to a process of taking it slow and not making any decisions just yet. give the free bootcamp a try as well found here: www.affairrecovery.com/surviving-infidelity/first-steps-bootcamp
