HOW to DETACH. Detachment IS the game changer. 

Hard for INFJs.

Women have no problem with that philosophy.

My childrens are center of my world right now!

I believe this is so true even in spiritual term. It’s ok to centre around Me Myself and I .. w/out intentionally hurt others.

❤this

I question the wisdom of being obsessed.

😂you are so selfish so empty so shallow dieing to self I'd the way to true freedom

I hope your detachment journey is going well!. Remember you are the only being in your universe.

I like this a lot. But since I already know my deepest parts of me even though I may totally not be aware of certain things, my neurodivergence, will not let me even attempt to think this way.

​@@humanyodaobsession is an indication of intense and complicated emotions. Same with addiction.... Both concepts have something to do with making something a priority that shouldn't be a priority.

I agree

😂😂

😂😂

😂

This character is amazing 😆😆😆

Same with women

😂😂👌🏽

I revel in being a mule

it cracked me up too!!! nicely said 😂❤❤❤😊

So true where are you from?

I can relate being too attached to anything takes away your freedom subconsciously while cultivating other destructive tendencies

How did you heal?

@@justanotherviewer00 I didn't.. I don't believe we can ever fully heal. Its ongoing, constantly in a flux. It's a relief to know this. It's also a relief when you realise wanting to be healed, rather than accepting where you are, is what is causing inner turmoil and conflict. I am at point a (suffering, grief, anxiety) I desire point b (healing, peace) the desire itself is actually causing more conflict and grief. I sank into point a, and flipped point b the bird.

@@laoisemeehan you will heal, I no longer carry shame that I was unfortunately sexually assaulted at 7. We can heal with effort. Jameela jamil coined it perfectly in her interview with Russell brand.

Always asking myself, how did I become like this? Have I always been like this?

That's beautiful ❤

How wonderful ❤

Or do the same thing for your loved one and get dumped by her. Women can be cruel

You are worthy of her since you were able to give her what she wanted which was love, appreciation and safety

@@juliusmatuzevicius maybe because you are cruel

Screenshot this. Thank you.

Great points. And, if I may add, it gives you and them the freedom to recognize "this person isn't for me, and that's ok". Sometimes I personally find myself involved with people I don't really want to be with, but I'm afraid to break it off.

Insightful!❤

But how do we know if out anxious feelings are activated by someone who is manipulative and withholding basic respect? How do we know if it's us, both or just a response to a person who is playing our mind. Confusing bc the advise is often: set boundaries, don't accept breadcrumbs. I recently ecoressed my confusion to a guy who would go quiet for 4 days. I tried to endure but eventually I told him we are not compatible. He was surprises and said he is emotionally unavailable. I still don't know if I ruined it. I don't chase or text nor call. So I control myself but if i really feel low and disrespected I will tell someone if they want me they will stay. I'm sad still but it is what it is. He said it's not sustainable.

​@@peaceofmindofpeace1650 I'd advise that you let them go. If you're strong enough to be broken then you can wait on them. Sad truth, they're just who they are. I personally got anxious due to the inconsistence, lies and manipulatolion. I don't know what took me this long, I'm in the beginning of a break up initiated by him. I hope and pray I don't come back here to write about this in the next 5 years. My mind is done, my heart? Am still talking and begging it to let go because that is what I would like. I don't know how but I know it is what I want now, I really don't care about what will the future be like, I know the future I want is a future with peace, love, trust, respect and transparency. All the best🌺

"Your mind will take the shape of what you frequently hold in thought, for the human spirit is colored by such impressions." - Marcus Aurelius

Uh, you're kinda your thoughts. A better concept is, "You're not the toxic thoughts you were programmed to have as a child." Question your initial reactions. Chances are your lizard brain is kicking in. Children take shortcuts to survive. You formulate emotional responses to get your shit bag parents on board to better respond to you. That's what most people are dealing with.

same I love that, I want to remember it more often “allow the thoughts to pass like clouds” is another similar favorite that grounds me. Like when I feel super sad, I feel guilty about feeling sad and then I remember those quotes and allow myself to feel sad. and funny enough.. the sadness goes away lol

​@Dr. Christopher Johnson hi

I love this comment so much! Thank You 🙏🏼 😊. Blessings your way ❤

This was such an important point - spending time befriending yourself DOES make a huge difference because you can rely on what YOU think instead of negating it for what other think. Great point Mel!

Exactly 💯 since my childhood i been doing all alone .but some voids made me feel i need anybody i need to rely on them ..yes i did but now i have realized it really very well that i can do better alone i have the power to love myself and not let anyone make me attach to them and then leave me like a dog panting in summers and crying .i know myself ,my priorities , my soul what I need and moreover i am now familiar with my great self ❤

This is why isolation is crucial, find yourself before finding others. Indeed you wont have to find them after you have found yourself, for your authenticity will be that magnetising.

That's true.. I've been a loner since I can Remember, it's easy for me to detach. I do feel emotional & all but it goes away quicker because being alone is quite a thing for me.

Its just finding your own worth has been the hardest part for me....

This happened EXACTLY in the same way with me! Wow

@@beautybrandy9816 wow really!!! Collectively trying to detach! Love that for you! 💕

This was timely for me too, right on time right now.🕊

same here. this was absolutely not a coincidence haha

i have been in ur place then i detached completely three weeks before like no contact at all and now am feeling really good trust the process and be disciplined

Yes it has been such a time waster but Im so grateful to still be able to learn

I’m already in that situation again, and I realised few days ago that you should love your internal self first than to rush yourself to fit in with some people. But it’s actually those people choice to whether they want your attention or not even though it’s complicated. Especially nothing in this world is perfect. So I decided to accept how it is, having to just start re-focusing on myself again and be more careful with my energy that’s not force

This is such a great point ! I've been there and it almost drove me nuts trying to find evidence, which I found 😢. But these days, I don't even care to look through phones or social media ! Detachment has given me such peace of mind !

Just make sure to protect yourself and your health if you get the sense that something is amiss 💕 you can’t control them, but hopefully you can minimize any damage from the situation

Absolutely!!

So if you just randomly say that you prefer to start using protection (if y’all aren’t)then what if they ask why? Do you just tell them the truth? Just curious when it comes to that.*​@@nailahdavis569

This is basically how I eventually stopped drivigg by myself crazy which a partner who abuses alcohol. I used to search the house up and down much to the detriment of my mental health. Finally one day I decided I was done searching. Because I knew that if they were drinking… it would find me eventually.

what is that theory exactly about?

Can you elaborate on how the theory effected your behavior? Very interestjng

Can you tell us more? I am so happy your in a good place and good things are happening to you.

Isn't it so weird how people want what they can't have. You get more of what you want by acting aloof than you will being anxious & trying to prove your worth.

This is a good point. Basically because its all a virtual video game, there is no point in taking everything especially yourself, so seriously. So chill out, be indifferent, but love and trust. This is my struggle. Although I've been aware of this for awhile now, I never applied it to my attachment style. It's so easy to get caught up in this life

i hope everything works out for you 🩷

I'm so sorry what you've been through... May God give you strength and patience and bring your life new miracles and more self-love...

I am so sorry to hear that. I wish you the best in your journey with your baby ❤

❤❤❤

I'm so sorry for everything you're going through. Sending you so much love and strength ❤❤❤

could you elaborate this? I didnt quite understand and i really wish to understand/grasp this...

​@@Zelanias Same..I don't really understand

I also don't understand.

What does that mean

can you explain?

I’m actually going through something like this , I think I have expectations about how she should treat me and I and making steps to disregard those thoughts and expectations from her . The truth and fact is that she does care and love me . She send me pictures of her smiling , she tells me when she’s going to head out and fills me in in her day to day and I believe it’s my own thing that I have from my past damages that I have accumulated over the last about 10 years from inconsistent women . And I love this women already and want to better my mental security for her . This video and creator is helping me realize this adjustment of myself that I need to put this in myself

Great way to see it

Rx, meditation

Facts!

"Mental boundaries, but with youself" very well said

That’s incredible to hear 😍

I'm also seeing a therapist. I have been doing the work myself for two years until I couldn't take it anymore. So I went to a therapist to help me. I told him everything I've been working on and how it bothers me that my trauma has a hand in it. The man just repeated everything I had diagnosed in a firmer tone expecting me to look surprised, and considering that was my first therapy session, I was disappointed honestly. I don't think I want to go back

Very very wise lady she’s amazing it is about owning who you are and working with that. BTW Most therapist are text book they come from an academic background and use their intellect to “listen” and help . If they are inexperienced in real life issues there will be a disconnect between therapist and patient( for want of better word) which will be apparent.

So very relatable 😊 ❤ ..

your story sounds extremely similar to mine! we are never alone 🤍

I'm going through this now. It's even harder when the person isn't toxic and is a really great human who does show up for you...they just don't think you are their ultimate person.

Taking a person off the pedestal and blocking them for good often helps me in this kind of a situation. If it gives you butterflies and anxiety it’s not good for you. Look at it this way ; You have attached yourself to the possible future which you will not get to with someone who’s inconsistent, they don’t value you enough to worry about not disappointing you… are you not better off counting your losses now rather than holding onto the illusion of a bag full of air for months?

@@tsitsih15 i agree with fully removing them and access to them such as social media, old photos, etc. Blocking completely removes my anxiety. Now they are not in my realm, we cannot communicate and I am freed up to enjoy my time with people who are not devaluing me. It pains me when any of us choose folks who devalue us. I think most times these situations start off magical so we have no idea a few months in their avoidance and other issues are going to now come to the surface. All of a sudden we are confused and want the magic back. I use block frequently now when I start to feel like someone is keeping me around as a placeholder. I am no placeholder. And often all I am missing is the physical closeness and sex,which can be had by others.

same girl, i started working with my self concept but deep down i still needed to hear this from someone. Even though men that i liked approached me, in my early to mid twenties, i just didn't have the confidence and would ended up chasing them and giving desperate vibes. Just like margarita, i had attachment issues and they'd ghosted me or used me. Now that I've been watching her videos i realized what are the things that I was doing right and what are the things that messed up my relationship with those men.

Best Podcast

That is It in a nutshell. I know this is the case for me too. It’s like you think that person being in your life will solve your problems for you and it’s an easier route in your head because it requires no effort to let someone do it for you, but because you can’t control people or force them to do what you want and solve your problems that the real solution is solving your problems for yourself because you are the only person you can affect and truly control. Besides most people don’t like to have someone who is heavily dependent on them.

Yes take of “you” first, and everything will fall in place😢😢🙏🙏🙏🙏

😊

💯

are you still together or did he break up with you?

​@@zinazoulou3574"That was not love." Sounds like they are not together anymore.

I loved the cheesecake story too

Same, but I do actually love both chocolate cake and cheesecake and ALSO carrot cake and redvelvet cake😂😂😂

But isn’t it normal to want to give people things they like? Tf is the point of giving other people things I like 😂 I don’t get it.

I could relate to the cheesecake story so much!!! All this time I thought I had to sacrifice my wants and needs. I should just show up as myself!❤

@@Jennijennijenni You simply don’t have everything for everybody, so it’s a metaphor for the unique things you have to offer. When we detach from needing that universal approval, even haters will respect that cheesecake’s cheesecake and it’s loved by many.

Sooo beautiful!

Look Up Alan Robarge Attachment Trauma Therapist

Or If You Prefer The Personal Development School Is Another Place

Good for you!

But the experiences taught you something, didn’t they?

Same here. I'm in therapy trying my best to work through it. I hope you consider doing the same.

Obviously bad experiences can teach you some things, but there should be more to life than constant painful lessons.

Been there, so unhealthy.

Same for me now. Working through all this. Blessings 🙌🏽

Hi Diana tweet t greeI hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful Woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you…. T

Love this motto 💪

What a beautiful video! I didn’t quite understand the concept of detachment until I saw your video. I will definitely be practicing the tools you shared towards achieving detachments.

Love this too !!

Why won’t it matter in the end? Because you have faith there will be something else? Or because you feel apathy for life? Sadly it does matter, at least to me. If you want to have children it matters. If you want to have stability it matters. If you want company in old age it matters.

@@jaybee4288 I made an error. I was trying to say if it won’t matter 10 years from now, it’s not going to matter in the end. So it’s not worth worrying about Gotta keep in mind what matters. Everything has to be put into proper perspective

Of course it's not easy, baby. But once you start doing the work to get there, it will get better with time! Trust me. You'll be fine.

Michelle jones, you're words sing like the pigs oink, and the words bark like the moon. I'm kidding. I thought I comment because I agree, I just wish for people to think independently, not by stupidity, dumb opinion that is formed by well, stupidity. I'm all for the best, and the greatest, growth.

Struggling with this same thing Michelle. It sounds so solid and makes perfect sense, but trying to do it is overwhelming

Same place at the moment 🥺 I really need this to happen, been almost 24hrs no contact from me. I've got this..............................update Still no contact yet, last we spoke was April 10th 2023, I kept texting no replies Today is 25th, I totally stopped....il be back. ........someone should like this inna few weeks as a reminder, I'm presenting the best version of myself.......I've got this May 24th 2023 ....Still Zero Contact. Achieved so much inna space of 2 months almost, now my head is clear. 100% Detached ❤️🌺I love ME. Who's next to like?

Everyone would go through their own processes but at different speed.

Hi Teresa I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful Woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….

I wish you strength, courage, love and healing🙏 live your life as you want, YOU are your true love&soulmate. Nobody else.

Well said and yes we need to save ourselves, if the person you are trying to help is a true narcissist they won't appreciate you trying to help them.🕊

@@steadypace1262 exactly and so many of the covert traits are there. Hindsight is always 20/20. Is it just me or is that emotional disorder pretty rampant nowadays

@@alunalalune8691 We are living in a more narcissistic age that's for sure, the amount of crimes out there now being committed by some adults and even children now is quite disturbing. Without empathy a person's heart can grow cold very quickly.

@@steadypace1262 please be safe out there…

@@alunalalune8691 Thank you and take good care of yourself too.👍🤗

Same! I'm happy I did too! I wasn't frantic, I found what I suspected, I was relieved! I moved on happily!

Why didnt you see the signs? The Onus somewhat is on you.

Wishing you all the best too ❤ and a peace of mind ! Not being attached is such an empowering feeling !

❤

You're not alone

wow, i feel this so hard. good luck on your journey 🤍

Don't give up

❤

Exactly

I've done it. But I have regressed. Trying to get back to that point in my headspace. Struggling to remember the steps I took that got me there.

Praise the Lord ❤

Wow!

@@tylerlee27 4 years ago. I’ve been traveling the world and met an amazing man and life is truly beautiful. I’ve come so far from that broken woman in a one bedroom apartment barely making it. Detachment changes things.

Hope you get better It will take some time to heal But you will get better one day You are the most person in your life, love yourself ❤❤❤

Trust me. After few months you won't even feel anything for that person. Give yourself sometime. It does get's better ♥️

@@rajanyasarkar5033 Thank you so much. It’s still really hard but I’m getting through it. It’ll all be ok eventually

Same!!!!!!!

This is 💯 true ! I recently went through a period of intense turmoil after finding out that my partner was intimately speaking to someone else outside our relationship. I obsessed about going thru the phone ans social media As part of my journey and working on myself, I discovered detachment and these days, I could care less about looking at phones or social media.. I have the mantra of what's meant to be found out will be found out [ without me losing my sanity] and what's meant to be will be ! And if someone wants to cheat, that's on them and has nothing to do with my self worth ! I'm still in the process of fully integrating this into my life !

What books did you read that helped you ?

@@ms.harripersad8227 id like to know too!

Stay away from thus spirit guide stuff please. As a fellow human I am telling you it is not what you think. Call out to God. The real God. If possible get a copy of the Holy Quran if you truly want to heal. May God bless you.

@@ms.harripersad8227 Attached, How to be in Adult Relationships, The Tao of Dating, The Four Agreements, and my current read is Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome. Super fascinating book.

@@JMarkYo Attached, How to be in Adult Relationships, The Tao of Dating, The Four Agreements, and my current read is Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome. Super fascinating book.

Preach! 👏🏾

Hi I judy my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful Woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….

​@@Raymondgogolfstop preying on women

Hi melrose I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful Woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….

I agree. Great analogy😊

im so happy for you aw

I will yes for sure ❤

How beautiful and amazing, may your love find her way and you find yours, both together and detachedly

We need to understand attachment is not a bad thing, we need to stop going to the extremes, i get that the new age movement is all about promoting “detachment” been there… but it’s understood in the wrong way. This leads people to force themselves to detach through fear, creating a collective of people only practicing egoistic connections. Again, they go to the extreme with fear as motor, which is obviously not good. We need to encourage stop satanizing attachment, and learn to practice it in a healthy way. The most important let’s not create relationships through fear, it is valid what you feel, and that’s what relationships are about, you two are mirroring each other’s, and what’s ideal you two help and grow walking their own path separately but together at the same time seeking for balance. Your heart is your lamp, it will guide you to the path of love

I'll Agree. I feel ya on this one. Detach is a stepping stone. It's a lillypad. Identity with self gets a realignment. Like jiffy luv. 😂 My background in Human behavior us huge on this. Attention, validation, reassurance, acceptance, approval, reward, acknowledge, affection, appreciation 5 A's My dissertation was in this for Master thesis. Have you read How to be an Adult in relationships? Helpful. Also Anatomy of love. Great read 📚 It's what your willing to tolerate. You have your know your limits. It's a walk to worth.... that sound to me we reside in whole under circumstances or differences. Rude or not you do you, but put if respect it may not be feasibly with loved ones. To know when to Detach if it's not shared equal efforts, so you step away in however that looks like. What you can do under circumstances,not everyone can. Detach as all is impermanent. Nothing stays same, but when negatively of feelings of blame show up, guilt, anger, personal Abandonment can also come in detaching due to identity theft meaning its not pleasure seeking its object seeking, where Freud states Pleasure which is a object. Environment is how we thrive. Dark therapy treatment might be a option, amd depends on what is considered neglect. You adapt to what or how you attached to as a child, but security lies in personal boundaries age 2, then 5- 8 identity phallic stage, personality develops, but it's really nature verses nurture. In reality we need people to thrive and Prosper as interdependent beings, but it is the environment of lifestyle operating in that gives us peace know when to Detach. Everything is illusion, creating reality in an world that is corrupt as it is I would say let's not Detach but fight for want it we want! Detach is good if you need it, like meditation. It gives you space allows you to reflect, contemplate amd examine your values, what is weighing you down. Create a solution to steps to propel you, even if constant detachment occurs. Nobody knows half the time I am detached even if I am responding. It's not giving YOUR POWER AWAY!!! personal opinion ❤ Detach is just a form of I release I accept I surrender, but it could be a recoup, or a recipe for distaswheb other people you can't relate or really aren't able to Detach because it is. Pressure, always there or demands of the door opening. I totally agree with the do it all, or not do mentally or physically or emotionally. Either way we have only so much energy to give, so 14 min meditation, find others capable to offer a hand to help if you need to let go of snother despite circumstances. There is a will there is a way. Warrior love to ya soul sista. ❤

@@YouAreWholeness who is doing the engaging or detaching, and from what, if everything is an illusion tho :(

Wow, thank you!

Haha omg do you and I have the same boyfriend because I’m currently going through the exact same thing with my “boyfriend.” We planned a future and he’s extremely charming and has a great personality that can draw anyone in and he’s attractive, and then he pulls away out of nowhere because he’s going through a hard time, which he is, but I’ve asked if he needed space to please same thing but no. He hasn’t replied to a text for 8 days and didn’t say anything to me on Valentine’s Day. I was also detached, and then become insecure and was being broken down due to his behavior. We don’t need this behavior. I also noticed on your channel that I’ve been listening to some of the exact same videos too.