How much does the average man have in common with the average woman? Think on this deeply and you will soon see that with every girlfriend you've had, you had a different taste in music, philosophers, activities or the lack thereof (just wanting to sit in your damn mancave) and on the whole your thinking and charachter is different. Opposites don't attract. How can there be friendship? Nietzsche even wrote himself that man and woman cannot be friends.
Nooo i mean it hits hard because that's what i love about being in love and i never managed to put it into words.... I just don't like giving strangers online my name haha
@@CynicalBastard I don’t know if I believe in love, part of me think it’s a truck my brain plays into procreating but I also know love is a human need so it’s a tricky one
please, do not consider loneliness a flaw, unless you have literally nobody at your home which is quite awkward, but you can still enjoy out of it, no?
The amount of pessimism is this comment section is really disheartening. You are all capable of both giving and receiving something so precious, but its just like he says in the video and the effort it takes is immense for someone who hasn't tried before. Get out of your comfort zone and put the effort in, and you will often times see that suddenly your comfort zone has expanded.
@@Firejowl There is someone compatible with everyone on this earth, it doesn't mean there are a lot of options for everyone, it doesn't mean that it is easy for everyone, and it doesn't mean that you have to keep trying with the same person because you think nobody else will be attracted to you. It is harder for different people of different personalities and appearances, but there is definitely someone out there for everyone if they try their hardest to find that person and be open with them. People are attracted to some stuff that I would consider pretty gross but everyone has different tastes and there is no trait a person can have that NOBODY on this earth likes.
@@weebaker *There is someone compatible with everyone on this earth* Gotta love the magical thinking in regards to this totally materialist take, above, in the video, on love. "Erich Fromm occasionally refers to as 'the person without a mask'. This is the type of person who, without disavowing his or her biological and social nature, does not avoid freedom and responsibility" Eric Fromm is an impossibilist.
This video helped me realise that I love my closest friends very much, not in a romantic way, but we all go about our friendship with eachother the same way described in the video. We're interested in eachother and their growth, we genuinely respect eachother and we always try to help when needed. I would be so depressed if anything happened to sever our friendship
That's a good point that I didn't think about. While romantic love is different from platonic love, their fundamentals are probably mostly the same. Thanks for sharing
3:48 This was a very succinct explanation of what depression does to you. You genuinely love flowers, but you neglect to water them because your illness has made you incapable of caring. You've lost "perhaps the most fundamental" piece of a critical human experience: the ability to love. chills. side note: been single all 18 years of my life. i've always craved the intimacy of romance, but it's important not to take platonic love for granted :)
what kind of romance you ask for, a chill moment laid on the bed with your intimate on your freetime, talking about casual routine without eye contact whilst possibly messing around with your smartphone? by imagining this scenario i realise that you do not need to express love to feel it from eachother, as if your intimate and you were with your hearts exposed and linked to eachother by two veins who give and receive blood to keep eachother alive, none of that "you're so beautiful", "I love you" seems necessary here, only the fact that you achieved the moment where you're both together, alone, can fuel you with just enough diesel, would you crave anything more? weird, but i just explained a very important part of love without any help, but i still feel an impending doom from this, as if you could suddenly fall out of it, or is it just me? maybe i'm having traumatic episodes from previous breakups, as if my heart lost the middle part and tried to solve the problem by merging the left and the right, reducing the volume of it, let's say, that the heart i refer to in this phrase can be called love I hope you don't suffer this terrible fate, you probably won't, but its good to warn (sorry for the long text btw i like to speak things this way)
@@davitucsonn2243I think I understand what you got. This feeling can be apply to both platonic love and romantic love. I got best friend where I could just do nothing for hour and we both just hang out in the same room, just being comfortable in each other presence. This also apply to my partner, where you can just feel warm without doing anything.
I’ve been married for the better part of a decade now and I have to agree with Fromm in that it is harder work than you initially believe. *edit* thinking about this a bit more I’m reminded of a thing I was told just before I married my wife, advice I thought was ridiculous at the time. Every day when you get up, you have to make the conscious decision to love your partner. Early in a relationship when love is effortless, this sounds absurd, like... how unromantic is that, having to consciously decide that you love someone. But as time goes on and you hit some turbulence and meet challenges, you and your partner change and become a little different than when you started. That effortless love eventually dissipates and without an anchor you may eventually float apart, never seeing each other again. Love is difficult at every stage. Early love is fickle and easily extinguished, but intense and effortless. Later love is less fickle, and with proper care and feeding far more durable, but still requires work or else it’ll erode away into nothing.
1. Man to man, you, sir, think like a man. Your wife doesn't. There's less of an internal push from inside the woman in comparison to you to make that effort as you describe. Women want the chase and the emotional tingles, not the committed man, eventhough they can't admit that. 2. Convince me, a random guy from the Netherlands, 22yo, who has just left university in a fit of rage because of its radical feminist narrative being stuffed down the throats of the few men and many already radicalized women there. Why should I make such a daily effort for a woman who I know is very likely not to return it. Do you enjoy keeping her busy, entertained, satisfying her ever-changing whims regarding holidays, shopping left, right and centre, visits to her mother, all kinds of inane social activities just so you may have the great privilege of having earned intimacy with her once in a month or so while she does the starfish? Excuse my cynicism, but remember that even if you can't admit I'm right about this, you sure know other men who have come to think like me through the modern experience.
@@Dutch_bastard_23 I don’t know if you’re speaking from experience, but I don’t think it’s fair to generalize half the planet to your description. Certainly we don’t want to be chased around. Some may, but you cannot define all women by these standards. In the same fashion I could say “men just want to have sex and be surrounded by women, they don’t care about love” and that would be a true statement for some men but not all. Your one bad experience with women does not define all of them.
@@Dutch_bastard_23 this effort isn't really a huge burden. It's a reminder I can give myself while I'm brushing my teeth in the morning. The reason for it isn't so much to... entertain, or satisfy her whims so much as it is a simple thought that impacts how I interact with her. If you're with someone whose values largely align with your own you'll find that most of those things aren't really big issues; in fact, I'll even go so far as to say that I actually like my mother in law. As was said in the video, it isn't so much that people want to love as they want to *be loved*. In a really long term relationship it's easy to get into a rhythm that ends in feeling like you have a roommate instead of a partner. It's a reminder that this is a person I chose to spend my life with, who chose the same with me, at a minimum needs me to not be an asshole, but ideally needs me to show her my love and support. All you can really control is yourself. If you find yourself in a string of unsatisfying relationships consider looking inward for why you may be attracting people who aren't a good fit. Raging at "radical feminists" isn't a productive path that leads anywhere good. I'm a good bit older, and if I could go back and give myself some advice when I was 22 I would tell myself to focus on living the best life I could for myself and the rest would sort itself out. I know that can be incredibly difficult with a young man's libido, but you might find that it ends up being how you find yourself in better relationships.
@@flavorlessquark8614 by "chase" I meant that the woman usually wants to chase the man that gives her her special emotional tingles, not that the man should chase and beg for her, that she finds very unattractive. The statement that "men just want sex" is more true than you might think and I shall grant you that it sounds quite sad, but that doesn't make it less true. A man has to really think hard in order NOT to want sex with a woman, while a woman has to really think hard in order to WANT sex with one of the tens or hundreds of men that message her and are continually looking at her. For a young man sex isn't so much a 'mental option' as a bit of a necessity and the oldest torment known to man is a woman witholding it, because she doesn't feel the stranger danger tingles anymore. The actual scientific reason that men STAY with their women and don't pursue other women all the time as they sure have some inclination to (if you doubt this, just remember that every man cannot resist porn, which consists of thousands of different women that pleasure him) is a specific hormone that is produced within his body over time during frequent sex which I believe has links to estrogen, but forgive me for my bad memory on this, that makes him actually naturally feel more attraction towards his one specific woman. Several studies have indicated that it is MEN who cannot get over their exes and think of them long after break ups in comparison to women who seem to 1. Lose sexual attraction in any long term relationship and 2. Seem to get over their men a lot easier by having another man filling in the gap, often quicker. In other words, sex makes men love their specific woman and without it he isn't happy, whereas women can easily withold it if she isn't otherwise emotionally satisfied.
- Simplicity, patience, compassion.These three are your greatest treasures. Simple in actions and thoughts, you return to the source of being. Patient with both friends and enemies, you accord with the way things are. Compassionate toward yourself,you reconcile all beings in the world. -Lao Tzu
I've been freaking out over the fact that I am currently in the process of getting my first girlfriend and this video pops up on my recommended, it feels like a gift from the heavens
Wow, that philosopher dude is spot on, a lot of folk would come to similar conclusions with experience, about what is the right way to love. For too many, its about control, status and about enriching the self at the expense of the growth and freedom of the other.
I've had two 2+ year relationships that ended. On the latter, a friend and I were both single in May 2019. We both wanted to find true love again and wished each other good luck. The next month we both started dating our next long term partners. Four months in, he proposed, and married five months after that. While I found that too quick, they are still happily married so far (May 2021). In comparison, it took my last GF and I 19 months of dating before moving in, and it ended four months after that on her account. He was adamant that "sometimes when you know, you know" in regards to his fast-track marriage. My partner was also extremely independent and didn't need a relationship, emotionally or otherwise. Things like this have given me a lot to think about. I don't want to collect long-term failed relationships.
Love is not a feeling its a choice. If both people are on the same page about that and choose each other, you get a committed long term relationship and grow to love each other along the way
I liked the note you added about “committing to being a better person.” I think it’s important for those in love to know that change and compromise within oneself can lead to a healthier relationship :)
As someone who's been in several years long relationships through my late teens through my twenties I have to say this video is so true. Love is an intricate and complex dance filled with so many subtle meanings/gestures. Currently I'm turning 31 tomorrow and this is the first Valentine's Day I've been alone in a very long while. I came to the realization after my last breakup I was focusing too much on my partner and not on myself, not allowing myself to grow and change. Working on that now so hopefully my next relationship (whenever that'll happen) will have some sort of a base instead of being a wild flung start that sizzles out in the second or third year.
Be happy not to be loved. If u stay unloved it becomes a constant. U are then constantly unloved it is stable. In this stable state u can find happiness. For you know it will stay the same. The only thing you change then is yourself. You are now alone. You are working to make a better you in your own view of what you think you should be. In this quest you are strong and you will be happy. Now you can find joy with yourself. Now you dont need love.
Love is attachment and there is zero possibility of true happiness while you are attached to basically anything. Where there is love there is suffering. Being alone you have an actual possibility to find real happiness.
As someone who does not understand or desire love and its emotions this gives me better understanding into the topic and points to think of reasons why I do not. Thank you.
@@tirobo I've never really identified or looked into these terms before your comment. After much research, I have to say I feel precisely like people of that community. Thank you Tim. You've helped me feel not alone in the way I am
But I think that this isn't about romantic love per se. I mean loving a person platonically like you love a child or a good friend works pretty much the same way and in that sense everyone needs love, regardless of their sexual or romantic desires. I totally support asexual and aromantic people though.
I am starting to dislike philosophy in general. Cause of discussion of such stupid topics. This love bullshit you are talking about is pure crap. Its is nothing but a result of primitive ,that evolved help us survive. Concept of love is purely subjective ,as are the standards set forth for it. Why people dont realise that there is nothing magical about love.
fuck you I'll succumb to realism when romanticism is murdered from the laughter of children, the hope of a future, and the consummating kiss of a wedding. The light fantasy drives the man as a will and I refuse to fall to the void.
This is really interesting to think about as a teenager and watching all the adolescents at my school and such go through relationships and love. Good video dude!
i lost the only person that ever loved me (excluding my mother) 10 years ago. ive fallen in love many times since, but it was never reciprocated, and wont ever be. like your video as always, man. although i think its quite onesided. (english isnt my first language sorry) anyway heres a tip from me to everyone here: if youre lucky enough to have someone in your life, cherish it, use the time like its your last hour. whatever, it doesnt really matter, just please dont end up like me
I'm so thrilled that you studied and referenced Eric Fromm's work! When it comes to the true meaning of love, his work really stands out from the rest. Thank you, wonderful little video.
I don't feel love, (im an aro-ace, i still love my friends and family and this video too, just not sexual or romantic attraction) nor do I want to, but this video is pretty swag!!
Im 15 i stopped seeing love as an object after i hung out with a girl for a while but completely failed to see us as friends but rather as a future couple and when she said no i realised we didnt really fit cuz we didnt have anything in common and jt just kinda sucked
Instructions unclear. I respected the other person's desire to be left alone and therefore could not obtain any knowledge about them. After I had realized that I could not care for them if I left them alone, I obtained as much knowledge about them as possible with the objective of caring for them but ended up not respecting their right to privacy. My experience was... I am just gonna up on love for the time being and go out for a walk and listen to the music I love.
Sometimes you can take someone in full heartedly loving them with everything you have when they have nothing. But if you do that well enough they won’t need you as much and you’re responsibility you had to make sure they’re ok becomes obsessive and controlling. Remember you’re partnered won’t always need you to help them through their life when they feel they’ve grown let them take their own responsibilities don’t try and keep hold of them. When someone grows away let them go just as a parent shouldn’t keep there 23 year old son or daughter home.
Thank you for introducing me to this book, just finished it today. If you’re interested in this subject I would recommend picking this book up. Even in reading it after watching this video, I have learned a surprising amount more.
I'm on a different plane, as non-narcissistically as that can be taken. I actually feel like I'm behind in most aspects. I'm very likeable in the workplace; etc. but only where conversation takes priority over silence. I actually have no idea how to talk to anyone. I've been out of relationships for over 7 years now and am now convinced that I am 100% dying alone. I'm actually decently handsome lmao. The road around is invisible and every moment of my existence is unbearable. I don't know what to do and I don't know where to go. I simply don't pick up on hints and don't give hints of my own. IDK... Everyone else has such an easy time with it it seems. How tf does one break out of this?
I have been *SO* blessed and fortunate to have this- or something pretty dang close- from most of my friends for my entire life.🥰 I sincerely feel this has been some subconscious undertaking of mine too, for as long as I can remember. Maybe that’s why I’ve been blessed with such great friends!🤗 TFS, dude!
Something I really enjoy about your videos which I feel isn't talked about enough is the quality of your writing; a lot of care clearly goes into writing your scripts and it definitely shows, yours are probably among the most eloquent and easy to follow videos on this platform. Keep it up!
To love is to commit to being a better person. I know this to be true. I used to not be good at communication. But because I loved I wanted to be better..for them and myself. It didn’t seem like they were committed to the same goal. I unfortunately lost them. It hurts. I am sad.
Make yourself lovable then 4head. But seriously, you just have to work on yourself first if you aren't ready for a relationship like that. It's not that simple, but that's my view on it. And if you are ready, just find the right person. Again, not simple, but with effort, it's possible.
What annoys me when it comes to walking the path of love, is when a single person, in my case single women, say "You'll find someone eventually". I'm not asking for them to love me unconditionally, but a single date to gauge our compatibility would be nice.
I know myself enough to know I want love. I wang to commit to someone. Sure, part of it is because of my lonliness, but theres nothing wrong with thaf being just a part of it.
I have to say, that's not because you got unlucky with when you were born, but it's just the behaviours of the people that surround you. It takes some creativity to offend you by calling you cupid because your birthday is a day *after* valentines. Just dont let it get to your head mate
