The Dark Side of Romance: Is Love Worth It? 

Fact: Romantic love was the best thing that ever happened to me. Fact: Romantic love destroyed me and brought suffering so intense that I cannot even describe it Don’t fall in love

"Love is a cruel trick that nature plays on us, to get us to reproduce."

The older I become, the more I consider friendship rather than romance to be the preferred relationship. Friendship is less demanding and is more reasonable and reliable.

Not only is it a scam, its one of the greatest lies ever told..

Reasons Not to Fall in Love 1. Being in love is addictive 2. Being in love distorts reality 3. Being in love can be excruciatingly painful

We look for love that we cannot give ourselves. We have become too reliant on romantic love as a means to save the depression from within. We can't keep chasing romantic love like another object or desire, it really distorts our reality as mentioned.

I have fallen in love with my own solitude. The best relationship ever.

Love will ruin you for years. Don’t give yourself to Anyone or you’re finished. No one deserves the best of you.

As a divorced, 31 year old male with 1 child my outlook on love is, don't avoid or fight against love, just be smart about it, don't drop all your ambitions or dreams just because you love someone, focus on yourself and if you end up loving someone, just enjoy it and build the foundations correctly. Nobody wants to grow old never having been in love or loved because that will make you bitter and angry at the world. Life is filled with different chapters and maybe it will work out, maybe not.

I think we’re here to give love. But not the drug-like love that “romance” has become. Love your family, friends - be kind to people. That’s love.

True love in my opinion is understanding each other. Everything else is just a phase that goes away. That why most relationships do not last.

I never had a relationship until I was 32 years old, from then until now that I am 38 I have had 3, I can calmly say that my life before those experiences was calmer.

About the depiction of romantic love in media and arts, my therapist said this: “I’ve never seen someone become a psychopath after watching a horror movie. On the other hand, everyday someone comes to my office because they believed what they watched in romantic comedy movies”

Love is a drug. Better to be alone than to wish you were alone.

I felt much better when I admitted to myself that love does not exist, at least for me. I feel that what we call love is either lust, co-dependence, or simply a transaction. I stopped wondering why I always felt that love was so unfulfilling and sometimes downright self-destructive. I can still be kind and empathetic to a fault, but it's a choice I make and not some mysterious emotional feeling.

I'm pretty sure love is just a combination of loyalty and companionship. You meet someone you actually like, don't mind sticking with them through bad times, and that's that.

Attachment says 'i love you, therefore make me happy'. Genuine Love says "whether with or without me, i pray for your happiness".

"Love is a serious mental disease" - Plato

"Thousands have lived without love, not one without water" - W.H Auden. If you happen to find yourself sad for the lack of romantic relationships. Drink a good glass of water, you won't regret it.

People tie the emotion of love to others but you can feel that same love for hobbies, ideas, life, ourselves

When you love someone, you essentially put your happiness in that person’s hands. This makes you a slave to that person.

I don't think there's anything bad about falling in love as long as you acknowledge that heartbreak is always a possibility and that you don't need another person to complete you. That's the point I had to get to before I was able to experience healthy love. We're here to be human and love is part of it. I say don't chase it to the point that you forget to actually live, and don't push it away out of fear. I also don't regret a single ex, as the bad experiences with them helped me find the happy path I'm on now.

Love is rarely sustainable… over time. People change. The odds are HIGHLY against it lasting.

Ending up with a broken heart 💔 is the worst feeling.

“You love her But she loves him And he loves somebody else You just can't win And so it goes 'Til the day you die This thing they call love It's gonna make you cry!”

Heartbreak can easily be more intense than any highs from being in love. Risky is an understatement.

I’ve had the experience with two of my ex girlfriends, I fell in love with them to the point of obsession. I put on a persona in order to obtain them. Then somewhere down the line I got to know them and the illusion I had created in my brain was crushed. I no longer felt desire for them, I couldn’t believe how far off from the person I thought they were. One of the things I learned was our expectations of others will leave us disappointed and dissatisfied, especially if they’re unrealistic. I got broken up with with my last girlfriend 2 months ago because i was insecure, to be on the receiving end is more painful I have learned. When we act out of fear/anger, insecurity and don’t set boundaries, it makes us less desirable. Don’t fear losing your love, fear losing yourself

I've experienced romantic love and it was the best feeling that I have ever felt. It was such a dopamine rush. But like most things it wears off. Then you get more desensitized to it. You spend more time to find that high again but you can't get there. It once was said that love is a temporarily mental disorder.

We were married 40 years when I lost her to eternity. Somehow, we managed to turn that initial infatuation into unwavering commitment to each other. Maybe it was the attitude that whatever problem might come up, it would be easier to solve the problem together than to split. We thought that our problem, if not solved, would follow us into any other relationship and who could solve our problem, better than us? I am on my own again now, but she will forever be the love of my life. It takes luck and courage to find the one love, but if you find it, it compares to nothing.

Remember guys, people are there for you only if they need something. Through my life i have understood to not give too much. The only people i trust is my closest family. I dont even fully trust my friends, they were and they are with me, but one day im sure its gonna finish, not by death, but by life itself, like ones before them. Keep chasing ur goals, prioritize yourself, thats only what matters. Hope you all doing great. Cheers, Marcel.

Being single gave me everything that being in a relationship promised.

Suffering and grief is inevitable. No matter you fall in love or not. Love can both heal and hurt.

Everytime I've opened my heart and been vulnerable, I've been hurt. I guess people have a rosy view of how their romantic partner should be like. Watching them not being the perfect tailor-made version they were at the beginning or them not living up to the romantic fantasy is something most people can't digest.

" The surest way to not be as miserable is to not expect any happiness " - Arthur Schopenhauer And yes, this quote does pertain to falling in adoration with someone

"Love is an unreliable emotion no matter how deep. Love does not ensure obedience. Love does not ensure gratitude. Love does not create harmony in such a world"- Don Domenico Clericuzio, The Last Don.

It is crazy how it can be addictive. I had really small doses of the happiness because every time i ve actually fallen in love it wasnt reciprocal. So I always faced the suffering part infinitely more and still I crave for more.

Before i started dating, my single life was quite okay and then i decided to try this thing called love and all the negative stuff that happened stated in this video happened to me but now i am back to happily being single.

Romantic love is like a toddler: We acknowledge they exist, let them play but also establish boundaries on how far they can go in order to not get hurt.

I wish they would teach this in school. These topics are so important especially for children who come from broken homes and can have damaging attachment styles at a young age. I find it fascinating that we relegate “love“ to a commercialized industry in Hollywood instead of having mature conversations at a young age.

My experience is... no, romantic love is not worth it, for numerous reasons. I have finally accepted this, and it has been tremendously freeing.

I have always been single, and I don't know if I am missing out on something, but I do know that there is nothing wrong with being single and that it is quite nice to never been heartbroken

From my experience, I can tell that unconditional love exists only in books, novels or movies and not in real life!

They say there’s no better feeling than being in love, but there’s also no worse feeling than losing that love. It’s not worth it

I’m a 38 year old man from the UK, England. And I can tell you younger lads now from experience, DO NOT fall ‘in love’/become emotionally attached to any woman.. DO NOT settle down with/marry a woman, have kids with her or any of that… because when/if the love between you fades and it all breaks down, you will be more depressed and sad than you could EVER imagine! The juice just isn’t worth the squeeze.

Spent 4 years in what I thought was the most stable relationship ever to exist. I thought I had it all. But when I found out that she loved someone else. I realized soon, that "love" only lasts so long and loving yourself lasts longer.

I always had an issue with falling "in love" WAY to quickly. Which would lead to me always getting hurt. I recently adopted a cynical type of view when it comes to romance and love. It helps me to keep myself grounded, keep things realistic, and to protect myself from getting hurt again. It has helped me keep my focus on improving to become the best version of myself.

Love is not just a scam, its a speical ability that degrades your performance.

I used to talk to this girl, she was a very introverted and anti social person, and i was pretty much her first everything, so she wasn’t ready to give physical affection like kisses and hugs stuff like that, she ended up breaking it off because she believed she wasn’t ready to commit and to have the responsibilities of a relationship, well few months later she’s in a relationship with someone and she is doing EVERYTHING with them she wouldn’t do with me, kisses, stuff like that, it completely destroyed me, i’ve been doing nothing but questioning what is wrong with me, what did that other person have that i didn’t.

I didn't choose to fall in love with her, it just happened. I was the passive observer to how my love for her turned from pure bliss into agony beyond comprehension.

Don't fall in love, rise in love - together

There is a saying in Spanish that says "the heart has reasons that reason doesn't understand" and this is sooooo true!

I met a nurse at the hospital where I work. She was stationed at a busy “command” desk; I passed by her (doing disinfection clean-ups) daily -- several times a day. We would have little brief intense conversations as I passed by. She was so intelligent, snappy, sassy, and good-looking!!!! I fell really hard for her!!!! I started to have strong feelings. Then, one day, I plucked up the courage to ask her, “was she a Gemini”? (The “Gemini part” didn’t matter, I just wanted to know more about her on a personal level.) She said that she was a Capricorn, and then asked me my sign. I said, “Cancer” (which is actually the PERFECT compliment to Capricorn). Then she said…. “Oh nice, my husband is also a Cancer.” BOOM!! My world fell apart; I was a little dizzy; my ears were buzzing. I didn’t say anything more… but I immediately found the courage to not pass by her desk again. It almost killed me but my love life does not include (1) cheating on a spouse or (2) helping anyone else to cheat on their spouse. (I feel better about that painful chapter now.)

I ruined my life for her and she didn't even care. I was selfish for the those who really love me, they didn't deserve to see me fall this deep. Take care of yourself brothers and sisters.

This channel honestly made me feel 100% better about myself being a “loser” in the eyes of society, no friends irl, no girlfriend, parents thing im pathetic. Especially your emphasis on stoicism is so helpful to me, please keep making these informative videos.

As a woman who has been broken up with a lot of times I am not gonna count - it's not worth it. Only one thing is still with me and it's a trauma. Everybody leaves, nobody cares. Just my opinion.

I despise love with all my heart. It brings only pain, misery and disappointment. If I could I would surgically remove my ability to feel it.

I began dating at a young age, far too young to be honest. Due to this, I feel that I have had more experience in love than most people my age (mid 30s) as I've had several serious long term relationships that lasted at least a couple years each. After the last relationship destroyed me to a whole new level I didn't even know was possible yet, I finally decided this was the end. Everything I've learned from intense introspection, analysis, and research from various philosophers, physicians, behavioral psychologists, and through just listening to the stories of others is in this video. I couldn't agree more with everything that's been said. I've single for very close to 3 years now. Not only am I the clearest and happiest I've ever been in my adult life, I'm also the most successful, intelligent, and responsible. Love is a drug, and I don't desire to surrender my control to it ever again.

Most people see the problem of love primarily as that of being loved, rather than that of loving, of one’s capacity to love. Hence the problem to them is how to be loved, how to be lovable.

Love is scam that led me to court, losing my home, having Limited contact with children, and constant financial hardship (for me)

The best love I ever received was from my mother and my Pets. Everything else does not last.

Romantic love is overrated, and Unconditional love is so underrated, yet it is the greatest gift of all. 💜

That's why I'm grateful for my last relationship that was so abusive that it taught me a lot and made me appreciate being single even more. Also, another good reason I'll never be in romantic relationship ever again. 😅

I've been in love a few times. It was the most exquisite & the most dreadful times of my life

As someone who recently has been very depressed over a girl that I’ll never be with. I needed this.

You can still be a very loving person without falling in love

Now these things will definitely add up to my "reasons to stay single" list. Nice.

As someone who's been single for about 30 years, I can actually see myself staying evergreen for the rest of my life heh. While I'm open to being in a relationship, I can also see myself staying single. People told me I just haven't found the one, and that "I don't know how lovely it is to be in love". But idk, I think being in a relationship comes at a price that we must be ready to pay. If we're not then... Yeah.

"Love is overrated. Biochemically, no different than eating large quantities of chocolate." - John Milton

Fabulous insight and so true!!! Falling & so called " being in love " is a grand ILLUSION OF YOUR MIND!!! Ive fallen victim to this ILLUSION a few times. I'VE LEARNED NOT TO REPEAT IT AGAIN. I HAVE LEARNED to be VERY AWARE when that BIOLOGICAL CHEMICAL CHANGE BEGINS TO HAPPEN & I DON'T ALLOW TO GROW WITHIN ME ANYMORE. Now relationships are much more companionship based & I enjoy time on my own more than ever❤

It becomes bad when you fell in love with the wrong person.

In my personal experience, the more I've grown to truly love myself over the years, the less appealing romantic entanglement is. My last long term relationship was the most traumatic, suffocating and painful experience of my life. Coming out on the other side with clarity, it simply wasn't worth the cost of my emotional and mental health and thus I've decided to continue my life solo and it feels amazing! Also, shout out to the ace people who simply don't feel romantic love in the first place.

I simply love this channel with all my forces. The guy shows that almost all the things that people treat as necessary standart for our lives is just nonsense. Amazing.

I used to be in love, it really started like some disney movie.. long distance relationship, but we loved eachother so much that we were willing to do anything to be together. So we met every few months. And these times we met is was magical, like we were some kind of deity to eachother. Eventually she moved to be with me, then as the years passed obviously it could not stay as magical as in the beginning. I was aware of this, but she wasn't, so she became unsatisfied with what the relationship had become. Then after 7 years she left me for someone else who made her feel this new excitement, basically recycling partner to get that new fresh feeling again. I spent the next half year being so down and depressed like i had never felt before, i thought my life was over, that i was never going to be happy again. But as time healed my wounds i realized something. She was destined to go through that same pain again, while i got much wiser in the process. It was then that i decided that i was gonna stay single for the rest of my life. And i actually feel happy about that decision. That breakup has cured me from the illusion that is romantic love forever.

I am afraid of falling in love, because simple infatuations I felt towards few people were never requited and it hurt like hell each time. Falling in love sounds like a much more intense version of these situations and I don't want to put myself through this.

When we confess our love to someone, we voluntarily enter a place of judgment, By declaring love, we also unintentionally ask the question “do you love me back?” meaning, do you validate me as a being, everything that is beautiful with everything that is flawed? That's an extremely frightening situation to be in, At the mercy of someone else's judgment, but what other alternatives are there when you truly feel love?

"Falling in love" is so much different than "choosing someone to love and build a life with". I've been that someone who easily falls in love just because we vibe and I'm attracted to him, maybe not just physically but also emotionally just because I'm lonely, miserable, or bored and it feels good to have someone to give me butterflies and sexual pleasures. That's it! I thought if we both want and feel the same way, then everything will be fine. But no, falling in love is too self-centered, shallow, pleasure-oriented, and addictive. It's like both of us are mainly pursuing the pleasurable things in life that might make us feel good at the moment but will ruin our life long-term because we were not happy about our life in the first place, and we wanted things and people to make us happy and we attach our happiness on things and people that are beyond our control. These could be drugs, alcohol, and attachment to people that we really don't truly care about but mainly just want to get what we want from them for our own sake but not truly wanting to know them on a deeper level and give them something that they deserve in return. Basically, because we are coming from a place of lack, we are too focused on what we can get and not on what we can give. And so we don't put too much thought into who that person should be because anyone that can give us what we need is already good enough. The better way to approach love for me is to pursue it from a place of abundance and completeness. When you feel that you are so happy with your life that you feel so fulfilled and complete that you just want to have someone to share it with, but if you can't find someone to share it with that suits your liking, it's fine too. You did not lose anything because you know you are complete and worthy on your own and you love your life just by being by yourself. You know that having someone to love and be with is just a bonus, not a need. And because you're awesome, you don't just want to be with someone who is attractive and you can vibe with because these are not the basis for whether someone is truly a good person for your life. It's just a part of it. So you would want to be with someone not just for the attraction and the vibe but to be with that person on a deeper level. Is that person a person of good character? Are they honest, kind, responsible, and trustworthy? Do they really care about you and protect and talk highly of you behind your back, when he or she is spending time with his/her family and friends? Basically, do they have these basic decent human traits, do you share the same values and boundaries that are non-negotiable in your life, are they truly what they made you feel and see, do they have your best interests in mind? Because if they are who they say they are and if they truly care about you as much as they care about themselves, it would be so worth it to share everything that you can with that person. Because you know you have so much to give, you would want to choose someone who deserves it the most and not just give away your time, attention, effort, money and trust like it's nothing.

Finally, a video that had the balls to say what i always thought. Thank you so much for it ❤

When you don’t allow yourself to fall in love you are truly free I feel that’s the real hard pill to swallow

Being alone is better than dealing with heartbreak or the pain of disappointment. Break ups are always extremely stressful even if you didn't love the person too deeply. Edit: for those still suffering from the curse of heartbreak, I'd recommend to get a blessing in the name of Jesus from a *pious* traditional catholic priest. Controversial opinion? maybe, but faith has helped in healing the past memories and ruminations to a very great extent. I cannot emphasize how much impact a prayer said over you can help. In a matter of hours.

reason and logic have always served me pritty well. going with the heart and all that stuff has always fucked me up down the line, all would say to that.

True. I fell in love with a man after being with a narcissist for five years. The new man I loved was taking me so much for granted. Later, I realised that he was just passing time with me. It's better to be single. Alone. All the time. Solitude has its own charms.

Yess finally someone telling the truth about why love is the worst feeling ever

As a someone who has been suffering from anxiety and depression for a long time, Your videos make me learn about stoicism that changed my way of thinking . It helped me a lot. My lifestyle and mental health improved significantly thank you.

Love and commitment are two different things. They are what make a long lasting relationship. But commitment requires hardship. If you don't like hardship then staying single is probably the way to go. This applies to both parties.

Love really do bring more problems than what it actually solves

I’ve been abandoned and betrayed because of love or the lack of it. I’m done with love.

I’ve been married for about 17 years now. My take on love is that it’s overstated. Yes, for the first few years there is a strong attraction and desire to change in order to match your “mate.” Over time, that attraction and desire changes because you come to the realization that it’s better to be yourself. One of two things can happen around that time 1.) divorce, or 2.) grow apart but stay committed because you enjoy your partner’s company, have financial responsibilities, have children, and figure it’s less damaging to stay together than split. Either option is fine depending on individual circumstances; however, media / poets / friends / and society all lie about “love…” because if they didn’t no one would ever get married.

Use that boost of happiness you get from love to work on yourself, and be your best self. And if it leads to heartbreak, use that heartbreak as motivation to be an even better version of yourself! I did this, and because of this, love was the best thing that ever happened to me.

"For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction"

I think the issue is when people (as is more often the case than not) are looking for external love as a replacement for doing the work to truly being secure in themselves/content in self. If romantic love is simply in addition to that, it can be a beautiful thing. However, if a person is using it as a replacement for doing the work on themselves, the euphoria might initially be higher, but the crash they will feel when they lose that love is going to be far worse and potentially catastrophic. Love is incredibly dangerous unless you go into it whilst being in a truly good place yourself. Too many people go into love hoping that it’s going to be “the thing that finally saves them.” Only you can save yourself.

After some years of being a single man, I was ok with the balance in my life. Sadly I met a girl and she was able to turn my emotions unexpectedly making me feel the happiest man on the planet, until she got me and then she just ignored me and carried on with her life as if nothing happened between us.. the feelings of despair and sadness in me are unbearable and I really wish I never met her. There's nothing that can bring peace to my soul again, except time maybe..

i gotta say that sun with the sun glasses and the five points made my night, its great

Love is not worth it. It may sound cynical at first, but once you ponder about it deeply you'd see that this love built from "eros" is simply deluding us. People often invest their time, effort, money, future, and even their whole life for someone only to simply break apart. And this whole "infatuation" thing is even adding to that. Many are obsessed with their crushes or lovers, fantasizing them and using the idea of them to escape the void or the reality of their lives. With this, we often forget that there exists a real person beyond our own mental conceptions. This oblivion is what breaks people apart because it creates expectations and idealizations of a person. The solution is to recognize the objective existence of a person, yet as humans we are incapable of doing that. Hence, the cycle of love will simply repeat and repeat again. Just remember that if you are in love with a person right now, it is simply your turn... they are not permanently for you. At some point, they could be with someone else or simply cease to exist.

It feels good when people/philosophers who have studied this phenomenon of romantic love in much detail corroborate what you have come to believe in through your own experiences/ruminations.

Love = something you can share with yourself, family, pets, anybody, but society tells you that you need love of a partner... You don't have to have a partner to live a fullfil life, to be a good person, to love, to have sex, to travel, to be adult...

"True love grows as time passes" - Kabir

I dont want to fall in love. I want to fail in love. Being single makes me feel confident and proud.

'Losing oneself in a vortex of emotions varying from extreme joy and passion to complete agony, can wreak havoc on physical and mental well-being.' .....'why on earth, did we go mad, for a sack of bones and flesh?.' You could actually quote this entire video. It all makes so much sense. And validates everything. Thank you. This is so raw. And so real.

Right, It's truly NOT worth it. most of all, it a huge distraction to caring for the things that matter most in life: one's physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health and care of eachother, community, the world and the environment/animals. In fact, it stifles our ability to attend to these things. Nothing could be MORE important. There's much love to share in these realms, much more than in partnerships. And no downsides. Enjoy🌺

Love is not only in romantic relationships. Its in friendship, its in family. But if you fall in love and want a relationship, it can also be so beautiful. The key is open communication. If someone keeps you on a distance, lies to you, doesn't want to talk about something that bothers you or doesn't want to give you space - that's not "love" in my opinion. Love is respect, listening to each other, respecting each others boundaries and helping each other grow. Love is conflict, but being on the same team and trying to learn from it. Sadly, we learn a lot of things not to do from bad relationships. But if you look out for yourself, know your selfworth and set clear boundaries on how people should treat you, I promise you you can find a love that can make you life better