To book a 1:1 coaching session with Mark, click here: www.notdefining.com/coaching-info. Text chat with Mark and join group sessions at patreon.com/notdefining. For more videos click the JOIN button.
My whole life I was so used to putting on an act for whoever I was around that now that I'm out I still have to just because I'm not only used to it but also because I'm not quite sure exactly who I am. It's hard to be confident when you're plagued with self doubt.
Tony thank you for sharing your heart. I completely hear what you're saying. Your words could be mine, our experiences are so similar. People think that coming out is a one time thing, but it's so much more than that isn't it? Coming out is about the process of unpicking the layers of disassociation we have imposed upon ourselves to survive, and finding a place where we can feel safe, free and confident in ourselves. That can be a much longer process than just announcing our identity to our friends and family (though that is a huge step). I'm actually releasing a video, probably next week on exactly this. I would love to know what you think about it. Where do you think the self doubt comes from for you? What does that voice in your head tell you Tony?
Hey adi here Every single day of my college goes like this. I feel so weak and powerless around straight people. I feel like if I expressed myself, they're ginna judge me and call me names. I even tries to be like them which of course made them to like me but it made me unhappy and somewhat empty from inside. I kind of always knew that the best version of me is my authentic self. it's just that I was always worried to show it to people around me. Your video made me take a bold step to start being my true authentic self even in public. Though I know it's a process so gonna take some time but eventually I'll be there. Happy pride 🌈
Thank you Adi for sharing your beautiful story. You have no idea how powerful the real you is. I look forward to you taking away the layers one by one to reveal the incredible perfection that is you.
Love this technique and think i came to it naturally through experience and pushing through uncomfortable experiences in 'straight' places and realising it was mostly in my head!
Thank you for your wonderful channel and content -- the calm internal confidence is something I'm still working to build; channels like yours have been so essential to finding my way! thank you!
Ok those hetero pictures- ya they the nightmare energy for my poor soul! LOL! Thanks Mark for your videos. They are so validating! As someone with a female body I always thought it was strange that I felt so out of place with the ladies/girls and liked to hang with boys more! But then I couldn't find the kind of boys that I would like to hang with either haha! Keep doing what you are doing!
Hey thank you so much for checking out this video and posting your wonderful comments. I feel what you're saying about not fitting in with either extreme. I was brought up with brothers and definitely connect with he/him but at the same time felt so anxious around laddish environments (the rugby picture just makes me feel so stressed haha!) but I also hated being kind of put with the girls. I'm not a girl. I don't relate with that extreme either. Why can't we just do stuff we like and be people?! So annoying. I'm glad I have found a great community now who are cool. Do you have nice people to be with now who make you feel comfortable and happy?
Hello Mark. I stumbled onto your channel, and have been watching your videos over the last few days. And just letting the information sink in. So this is my first message to you. . For me, when I am in a hetro space, I try to fit in. I don't talk about my sexuality. And its because I don't want all eyes on me. If I announce that I am not straight, then everyone is looking at me. Whispering, and talking among themselves, not in a negative way, but sharing this new information. . Who I sleep with, comes second. I want to talk about remodeling houses, racing my motorcycle, or problems with a engine. I don't feel I need to talk about my sexuality, as most straight men cannot relate to that. . . Here is a question for you tho. . Are you a counselor by trade? You are very knowledgeable about how the mind works, and very kind, and I feel easy to talk to. I was just wondering how you became so knowledgeable on the subject. . . Thanks for your videos. I will write more later, as I have a few things that I want to comment on. . But don't want to take up too much of your time. . ----Steven
Hey Steven, thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing your experience. Every time we share it makes things easier for us and for others to connect with. I'm hearing very much that you feeling anxious about the attention that mentioning your sexuality would attract if you spoke about it in straight environments. First of all I completely relate with this. I would say though that we don't have to actually speak about our sexuality. As you mentioned, there are other things to talk about. In this video I'm talking about being yourself. So we can feel centred in ourselves and act the way we want and enjoy what we feel, without specifically stating our sexuality. Does that make sense? The other thing is - what if people whisper? What if people stare? What if people start asking questions? That is their deal and has nothing to do with you. If you are enjoying the simple pleasure of being in your own gorgeous lovely energy and enjoying the world around you, it truly does not matter what everyone else is doing. I know this is easier said than done but it's a skill you can cultivate. Create a kind, lovely, inner world and live in it every day. Like you're surrounded by love and kindness for yourself. That way, no one else's words mean a damn thing. And also this will rub off and you will come across as super confident and shining. Take the energy and value away from other people's opinions of you and give it all to yourself. You are all you need to feel great. What do you think? Thank you for your kind comments about my content. I counsel people through my twitter and instagram DMs so have experience of listening to hundreds of people's experiences and I also work in a kind of related field but I'm not a certified counsellor. I'm actually planning to train so I can do this full time. That's my dream. But I'm just doing it informally at the moment. I'm actually flooded with requests so I'm setting up a patreon and hopefully zoom chat offers for a small amount so I can somehow get support to those who need it. If you need therapist recommendations I have them too. I always say to people to seek formal support as well as any informal help I can provide. I like to listen and signpost largely. Everything I speak about is from my own experience. I have struggled with my orientation and identity my whole life and simply speak my own truth. I've found it's a powerful thing. So thanks for speaking yours too. I would be thrilled to have your comments on other videos and please do feel free. Tell me more about you. I'm so glad to connect. Sending lots of love to you my friend, Mark x
@@notdefining sorry about last message. I have no filter. And just say it as I find it. You may not have been ready to hear about the comment made in the bar. . LOL, These are just my life experiences, good and bad. . People really did say that. . I was so embarrassed at that time. Years later, now, after living on clothing optional beaches, I don't care what people know, or see about me. So I am very centered that way, but just off a bit on my sexuality I guess.
@@sundancercolorado7087 Why would you be sorry about your message? I'm delighted that you are sharing your experiences. I'm so glad that you have moved past those feelings of embarrassment now. That's amazing and I'm super pleased. Please never have a filter on my channel. Filters are imposed by society to silence us. Be yourself. This is what this channel is for.
Have always found alpha males difficult to talk to. Not a confidence thing, but more not on the same wavelength and really difficult to communicate with. I like communicating with lgtbqi folks because they are interesting and more often than not, independent thinkers as they often have to deconstruct everything to stay sane and confident.
That's really interesting you say that actually. That it's not a lack of confidence but more of an active choice because you just don't really connect with them. That's cool. I feel this too sometimes. It's like, I find more and more that I connect with people who have been through some kind of struggle, either being part of a marginalised community or had some serious life trauma. I just feel so many Queer people have had to overcome so much so, as you say, we have to deconstruct everything and gain quite a depth of character as a result. Do you get to hang around with the people you choose a lot, or are you surrounded by difficult types? I hope you get to be with people who make you feel great because that is what you deserve and it's so good for you. Thanks again for commenting and watching. I'm so pleased you have enjoyed the content. Lots of love from me - a typical LGBTQ+ person who deconstructs EVERYTHING!!! (I even made a channel about it ahahahahhaha!) We should be friends :-D
@@timothyxosullivan Hey that's so great. It can be so good to engage with our community and do activities like volunteering. Will you let us know how you get on?
