When you're young and already married, it's easy to tell others that you shouldn't worry about not being on everyone else's timeline. Ask an unmarried woman in her 50's, 60's, 70's about being an a timeline and she'll have a different answer than Jay. I've been alone and with my thoughts for ten years, and it's not getting easier.
I love being single I don’t need anyone, I love having me time and 15 mins of being alone with my thoughts is great I do way longer than that..I wasn’t always like this after my last relationship I decided enough was enough I always thought I needed to be in one…now I don’t it’s taken to being 51 to realise this wish I’d realised it a lot earlier in life…I’d love to meet someone but it’ll happen when it’s meant to
Everyone possesses all of the brain chemicals they need to feel intense love. You don't necessarily need someone else to bring out those feelings in you, although others can add to the love you already have. The real work is learning how to evoke these feelings on your own. We're so used to living in a world where we get dopamine hits from external sources that we forget that we have the tools within ourselves. Everyone discovers this for themselves at different stages of their lives.
Thank you for this! I feel like I am finally able to do this by doing meditations that resinate for me and letting go of expectations. The Universe delivers
Love bombing is infatuation and fantasy. It's self serving like Jay explained; they do it to make themselves feel good through idealizing the other person. And the other person sees their idealized image through the love bomber's gaze. Despite it's over the top and too good to be true, it can be intoxicating because you believe you are seen, heard and understood for who you are (which isn't true). The love bomber is projecting an idealized image of the other person in the early stages of dating without getting to know the other person. And sooner or later when they realize the gap between the idealized image of the person and who the person actually is, they feel disappointed and pull away and/or devalue the other person.
Yep that happened to me, even though I said to myself this seems to good to be true I was telling myself wow someone actually loves me bc I was just divorced from an ex who didn’t show me that love. But after about 6 months they realized the fantasy was over and things were getting real and their avoidant fears got triggered and things went downhill.
@@Emillyy94 I'm sorry you experienced it. When it's too good to be true, it usually is. People with secure attachment style are grounded in reality, not in fantasy, so they don't idealize you.
I took 4 years to do the deep (healing) work daily hours at a time to reconnect with myself and wouldn’t change anything! So grateful! Enjoyed every minute of it!! I know I now stand strong knowing what works and what doesn’t work me!
OMG! First off, I LOVE how you honor each other in the interview. A true Win/Win Abundance mindset. I'm a Relationship Coach and joke there are enough of us screwed-up people to go around 😉 we don't need to compete for clients. I'm single (widowed in 2021 after 35 years so I listen to Matthew for advice) I also ordered the book to use with clients and to make sure I'm doing the work myself. Excellent. Thank you!💕
I have been married to a narcissist functional alcoholic..... Just getting out in my late 40s But it's going to be great I know my true soul mate is close I really can't wait Very excited
I think part of the reason for the early utterance "I love you" is based on different meanints of what love means. I think men when they say it are saying it because of how they feel , that the object is someone who makes them feel good/sexy/a sense of enjoyment. This is opposed to the true verb action many women think that when they say "I love you" they are indicating that they are actively loving: I have your back, I care about your needs. They mean it as a commitment of being and reciprocity, not how it makes them feel in the transient sense. Men say it meaning it in their definition. When it's not enjoyable anymore, they don't "love" they way they did AND never meant it as having any of the commitment towards the other person at the start.
@@SoowDeJu Has zero to do with "type"; generational cultural training with - studied fact - men do not tend to get self-help or do self-awareness work.
I’m always alone, I was the child that was sent to their room when they were emotional and essentially learned to self isolate. Now when I find friends, I’m so love deprived that I push them away with behavior that to me seems normal, but to them seems controlling. I just want open communication, even when I’m patient they assume I’m freaking out and mad at them for not texting back. Even though I was understanding that they were busy at work… I know that their perception is not my responsibility but I feel like I’m always misunderstood PS- I am ADHD and often feel like I’m love bombing when I am meeting people but I just want to get to know them.. And of course that also comes with high energy..
Hey I so much get you. I also have ads /adhs since childhood. And I think as much as I value that we should love ourselves and be happy and content with just being alone, I struggle to make normal contact be it friendship or relationships. I just feel like I don't really know how to operate even so I'm genuinely myself I have some defense mechanism and so on. I wish you all the best in your journey
I tried the WHOLE year to love someone 😥 but I couldn't that much. I listen to all love life guides, date and how to fix a guy. How to fix my relationship. How to love my man, but I'm struggling for real. My past pups up to my mind. Pressures. Memories. The sex trauma and the environment I'm in it .. All. Still trying 💔 Not knowing the reasons why men changes after marriage? And why my relationships stayed for a short time and not giving try or give more love for him bec of distance and disconnection! Thanks friends 😉
Great interview! So great to hear Jay words here and his words really help you to gain a deeper insight. For me comparison was one of the hardest things to overcome. But when you focus on YOU and your own unique path there is no comparison anymore, reduce outside noise. Besides solitude and tunning to your inner world brings so much peace and clarity🦋
Jay Shetty pretty much just stated the obvious throughout the session . Stuff that Matthew always says basically and things you read in books . I didn’t hear anything out of the ordinary he just said it in a way like it was new information to the world . His Monk experience is not even that relevant and he reiterates everyone, so I dont understand the hype. Matthew always at least thinks outside the box, he's honestly an intelligent thinker who comes up with very genuine realtistic analogies that he works on.
I find Matthew very helpful and authentic. Jay on the other hand, he’s simply an orator. He recycles other peoples messages because he simply cannot be original. I wonder how much research Jay had to do to convey these thoughts. He was a monk, but is probably one of the most materialistic people. I urge people to research who they listen to
Guys, thank you so much for all your content I really enjoy it. You’re a big help I don’t have anyone to vent to or share my thoughts with. I recently met a very attractive young lady and we had an amazing connection. This just doesn’t happen to me often. Unfortunately she decided I wasn’t right for her and I can’t really blame her, I’m 48 and she’s 20. Now I’m grieving this relationship that only lasted a few weeks. I do feel the loss of this person but I also think I’m grieving for what could have been. Of course it wasn’t much of a relationship but I definitely think it will be on my mind for a long time. She’s also the first woman I’ve taken seriously since a recent divorce from a woman I had an 8 year relationship with. I’m still trying to get past that too.
If you recently went through a divorce, you should consider healing from it before you date. I divorced a woman I was with for 17 years. When you are still grieving or emotional and processing the tremendous loss that comes with a divorce, you aren't in the best position to be a good partner to somebody else or to make good decisions when it comes to relationships. Date yourself. Figure out who you are as an individual again. Figure out what brings you joy. Create a bucket list and knock a few things off of it. In time, you will be in a better position to date again. I'm distanced now from my divorce. I dont think I'll ever be over it. However, I am in a far better position to be a good partner to somebody else now than I would have been 6 months or a year after my divorce. I've done a lot of introspection and reflection. I know who I am and what I want.
тоска Toska (Russian) Russian word roughly translated as “sadness, melancholia, lugubriousness.” According to Vladimir Nabokov: “No single word in English renders all the shades of toska. At its deepest and most painful, it is a sensation of great spiritual anguish, often without any specific cause.”
Well well well, looks like Jay is the new Cupid of the internet! Let's hope he doesn't aim his love arrow at me, I'm not ready for that kind of commitment yet 😂
I feel that women say „I love you later“ because we learn that men want to hunt. So, we wait and let the guy run after us eventhough we already have a huge crush on him - but we learn that we have to do it that way to keep the man long term.
How does one recognize love? What are the symptoms? Kindness to others, affectionate service to others, where one wants to please the other person, when one is more concerned about another person's happiness than one's own; real love is unconditional. Love is the greatest driving force and motivator for people. The desire to both love someone and to be loved is all-encompassing. People want to hear a good love story. The desire of the spiritual being to have this love experience is a cry of the soul. Love is inseparable from us, it is part of our eternal spiritual nature. For us to be successful in life and to experience true love, we need to know who we are. Love is our essence. We need to experience love. This is why we are always looking for it if we don't experience it.
Never imagined this collab happening. Even though they said they're friends now, I do wonder if Matt felt competitive and/or intimidated at all by Shetty now crossing over more into his realm.
I am in Germany and some of the advice expressed here does not apply. Men do not say 'I love u' here, they do not express their feeling, there is never love bombing, just criticism, they want to make themselves feel good. I went on few dates, but cannot deal with this kind of people. There is a cold, weirdedness and unfortunately being a foreigner here and newly separared after the first and longesr relationship of my life, makes it confusing for me to find real connection in this market. i did lose the German guy that was a soul mate from a previous life bc of this kind of misunderstandings and cannot keep hope alive of finding true love in this century (again)
I don't believe for five seconds that men say I love you earlier and more frequently lol Not even when mistaking it for lust. I think they're mostly lazy, entitled to effort, and terrified of connection. Is this seriously just my experience?
Nope, you’re not alone in this haha Even being completely happy alone and independent- the wish for a loving healthy relationship prevails and one has to deal with men (in my case). And if one has a set of standards and expectations it can still get to feel very lonely and odd with time when just no one seems to fit or make an effort. It’s not easy to find a good match and it’s actually nothing we can really control - which is the worst part. Yeah, all that jazz about working on ourselves etc - it’s true, should be done!! But I’m reality it’s not a guarantee that one might not be alone for a long time, have moments of real doubt and lack of faith. But I wish you (so as myself) faith, because that is the only thing holding our vibe high and improving quality of our lives. With or without that special someone. Slay grl :D
I've started to wonder if men actually fall in love at all. Seems like a lot of lust in the beginning that makes them fantasize, but over time it becomes duty.
if men find sb extremely attractive,they think to themselves I m in love with that person WHAAAT u can be just smart cute girl and they feel love, wrong. she doesn't have to be the one. yeah love bombing, I got caught on this trap twice...It's so terrible that men are so easy to ask u to their gf extrsmyly fast nowadays :( where is time for friendship???! okay people don't live friendzone but we need time and we need to be careful. it's so difficult, we neef to heal ourself, be okay on ur own to be ready to open for someone. Who feels what I m saying? thanks a lot for this talk video. not too long too :) talk amazing
Man, if anyone takes me to wedding and it's not family, I'll ask them what's the reason for being there as I prefer not to overthinking, even if I catch the flowers after the bride throws them.
I am a 40 year old man who keeps ending up dating women in their 20's. Not out of choice mind you. They are the only ones who even pay any attention to me! I swear that I am invisible to women over 30!! Society says I should be bragging about this but in reality, it's the last thing I want. I am looking for a committed relationship, not flings or short-term things. I want nothing more than to settle down but the only women who pay me any mind are not on the same page. (plus we all know the stats about large age gaps) *Where on earth are these women who actually want to build something!?*
I do, but fun fact: The last few men I met were also younger than me and turned out to not want to bild a deep connection, even when they pretended to do so in the beginning. 🥴
I love how they both are relationship coaches with so little relationship experience 😂😂😂 Matthew - not very successful in Priv life (only recently has gf), Jay not very successful with girls except his wife 🙄😂
I’m so disappointed by this. Seriously, don’t you even google the person you interview? For yor information, he has been plagiarise other people! Please Take this video down and apologise form your followers. Stop promoting that kind of person!
VERY VERY SAD THING... IT IS ALL ABOUT WAITING UP ON GOD FOR YOUR FUTURE MATE.. NOT THE SAME SEX GOD DOES NT PLAY THAT.... BUT PRAY FOR GOD'S PICK FOR YOU.. BUT THER EIS ONE CATCH YOU REALLY HAVE TO LIVE FOR GOD... BOOK OF ACH.. THE CHURCH OF ACTS... NOT BEENING MEAN BUT BEEN HONEST... GOD HAVES ONE FOE EVERY ONE BUT WE HAVE TO WAIT UP ON GOD.. AND KNOWING IT WILL BE THE RIGHT ONE.. COMPLETELY.....
I sent you a message about the earthquake in 🇹🇷 and 🇸🇾 on instagram yesterday. I don’t want to think that you’re just ignoring this disaster which affects millions of people. Your image in my mind was a gentleman and responsible person. Please recognize this terrible situation and help those in need by sharing the donation links.🙏
