How to Forgive Someone Who Wronged You - Jordan Peterson 

He didn't have tiniest bit of shame for what he did to me. But he begged the other one. (One of his reasons for cheating me was : our families wouldn't agree, so with her he had that chance. I still try to make sense why he only begged her and didn't even say sorry to me after I pleaded him for just sorry just sorry)

@@tehreem1725 He is weak plain and simple. The narcissist always blames the victim and makes the victim/the victim’s family not good enough. In reality the narcissist is literally the most soulless evil individual- pure malevolence as Dr. Peterson would say.

I read it with "She" since I have seen this treat mostly by females.

*She/he, as they're not all males and they're now finding out more that a lot of female borderline personality disorder diagnosis were actually covert narcissism and thus why they've updated the DSM.

@@watchwoman16 yes so the question is. Why he begged the other new woman? also she forgave him

I know right we have always been taught in school to forgive unconditionaly no matter how swere the crime is It just makes you look weak and pathetic

Why would blaming the "victim" be appropriate ? Ps: it almost never works out, once trust is broken it's almost impossible to get that back simply because you are being asked to trust a person who had no problem with betraying you.

Hmmmmmmmm.

It's silly advice because perpetrators almost never 'confess' and ask for forgiveness, so if your ability to get out from under that hurt, depends on some jerk WAKING UP to the pain he/she caused, you might as well get used to being their victim forever. Like my 84 year old mother is still the victim of her now dead ex, who was a drunk, abusive and left her with two very small children to raise on her own. The mention of his name and she gets worked up and angry still to this day even though he left 60 years ago.

​@@ddhqj2023it doesn't play the part where he mentions it's very unlikely.

Yeah...

lol thats most women with accountability

@@Golden_Ghoul that's about men - they would rather die than show their mistake or apologize

@@E-plunksna that's about everyone - nobody likes admitting that they did something bad

​@@E-plunksna stop fighting you clowns

Not gonna happen

This is about a couple too. How about a sibling? One who talks or yells at you when you don’t follow their “Rule book of life”. You’ve never seen this book, it most likely is not written down anywhere. They’ll say what they like, yell and the next day, they’re all better. They will see you or call you in a few days, as though the incident didn’t happen. They were verbally out of control and they certainly don’t believe they deserve any consequence or believe they did any wrongdoing. After this has happened in teen yrs, early adulthood, and forward, you have to make a decision. They are toxic, they won’t change. Stay away from them.

Yes. His description of this theoretical 'apology* sounds more like a justification of the perpetrator's wrongdoing. Kind of Disgusting. (I don't often disagree with Jordan.)

I think you got this a bit wrong. He doesn't say what IS going to happen, but what HAS to happen, in order to be able to build another, totally new relationship with that person

@@bogdan_n Thank you for this clarification, I get it.

there has been others, ya need more education

@@flymoolahman2763 excuse me you dont know anything about my education Its not your place to comment on that

Lot of people don't take notice of stuff like that because of how easy it sounds. Wish my vocabulary was better because I always say that- a strong broad vocabulary is so powerful! I know that's just a small part of it, Jordan really does use language so well!

​@@flymoolahman2763don't be a jackass

Wow, did that to my ex and I was the one that left her. I still did the most detailed apology for my poor actions. Most exes beg to get back and she didn't

​@@sirprize5191what was the case?

@@googleaccount4997 basic things actually

How about addressing reality? How do you forgive those who will NEVER admit what they have done to you?!?!?

@@runpurebloodrun2355 Addressing reality is acknowledging there are people that will NEVER admit any wrong. Forgiveness is for your own heart and healing. Life long bitterness has its own consequences physically and spiritually. Remaining bitter is like drinking poison and hoping it kills your enemy.

I feel the same way I can forgive. But the trust has to be earned again. And some people don't even know They did anything wrong

@@joannelauer1372 I choose not to forgive and not to forget. Forgiveness and trust on a long enough timeline allows you to get comfortable with this person or people again. Getting comfortable opens up the potential for these "snakes to bite you again" so to speak. Then the blame can't be on them. And that makes it much harder to forgive yourself because deep down you knew it would happen, deep down you expected to happen, and then it did. Why waste your time? I had someone who did me very, very wrong. I'll never forgive her, and I'll never forget. Recently she wrote me apologizing, saying she misses me, and claims to still love me. I read the message, blocked the account, and went on about my day as if nothing happened because nothing did happen.

you tell them that so they have the opportunity the rebuild the broken trust

​@@joannelauer1372 They definitely know, but won't admit it.

They're have confessed put so much efforts and are doing everything right but I'm not able to give them a chance and get triggered at everything they say what do I do😭 I want to make it work cuz it was a mistake and I have reached the depth of that mistake

That’s right. It sure helps if there is a confession but God calls us to forgive whether or not there is a confession - and thankfully He helps us do so!

I feel like your comment is the answer I've been waiting for.

@@jezagoud6546 …God bless you. I learned this one day in church when my friend and I were praying for a girl whose face had a dark countenance because she was so angry at a friend who brought her to the Lord and later committed suicide. I asked her if she could pray to forgive him, and she said no. Daunted, I asked God “now what?” And he said “take it step by step, ask if you could pray for her to WANT to forgive him”. She agreed, so we did, and made plans to meet again the following week , hopefully for the prayer of forgiveness. Well, the next week I didn’t recognize this beautiful smiling girl who walked into church and said not only had God given her the grace to forgive, but enabled her to pray on her own and forgive him with her whole heart. May the same blessings be given to you, and more. Amen.

@@echaleagua MoFos like u. Who can't see why & from what.

​@@icantstandyouyesYOU cringe

he's just a man

@qualitu My narc sister has a newfound strategy to cling onto me with her intention to use me while playing dominance. She confesses manipulatively by claiming that she is trying (I don't know what she is trying and I do not care).

@@amandaa3713 Yeah, this is how deep narcissism goes. Even if they confess and so on, it's more than likely just a part of their manipulative game. And even if it's genuine at the moment, they will most likely fall back on their narc tendencies as soon as there is enough incentive to do so.

@@maxsiehier Exactly. My ex just recently tried to get back in contact with me after doing all types of messed up shit to me. I ignored her because I know she's only trying to get on my good side for her own benefits. I don't forgive her and I never will forgive her. To hell with her lol. Sometimes, it's best to just grow cold with some people. Fuck em. They're not worth your time.

Then forget about them. I too have been blamed for things when I brought up good points about people and how they operate. It will do you much better to grow cold and forget them.

tell them that is what you think and feel they are doing, this requires FULL CLEAR communication from BOTH sides, doesn't have to be perfect, but it MUST be attempted

the woman would do the same

My wife is doing the same, I have evidence she cheated but I did not let her know it yet. She keeps saying I'm delusional for suspecting it

Exactly... Same here. Behind my back he humiliated me, even organized mockings, and wants to just pretend nothing happened and continue to treat me with arrogance. That was his "death". No possibilities, no path to go together, no more us.

@@E-plunksna The mockings, my wife was doing that with her friends. Calling me Satan, making fun of taking money from me, her friend wanted to shake the hand of her affair partner for making her "happy" even though that ended fast. That's terrible.

@@tb87670 sounds like you are toxic and we cannot judge only from your words, but as you are calling her Satan behind her back many times insistantly, though I was not talking to you - that tells something. Narcissists usually are men. Probably you both are toxic, if you don't end it, don't say anything to her, but hold the "evidence" and talk behind her back in internet.

I prefer the middle path. It's the hardest sometimes to start. But it's never-ending and ultimately easiest, in my opinion.

@@dakotapeters5654 There is no middle road. There is the right (narrow) road and the wrong (broad) road. There is no “easier” road. Paraphrasing Jesus, He said My path is narrow, few will find it. Broad is the path that leads to destruction, many will find it. In another verse He said that you are either for me or against me. Also, that whoever is lukewarm, He will spew them out of His mouth! There is no gray area with Jesus. No easier road.

@Terry Wade I don't follow just 1 no matter who it is nobody is more important than everybody else. Just my opinion. However, not ridiculing any beliefs either. I often have to change my mind frame and imagine myself as God or a higher power... I then ask myself, what would I create humans and earth and everything else for,what's the purpose, what would I want from, or for my creation. 🤷‍♂️ 🤷‍♀️ well, I then compare his creations as a creator to all the other creations from other creators. I think they love what they do, and because they love it, the energy stays with the creations, which is proven. Moreover, if I were to create a creation I loved so much, I made it in my image and capable of creating more creations itself... I'd want it to be happy and love the same as I do. (Go forth and multiply?) Besides all that, when the forbidden fruit is literally the -fruit of "knowledge of good and evil"... kinda gotta wonder 🤔 doesn't that quote mean that the one thing that he didn't want is for us to have knowledge about good and evil right or wrong, etc... It seems fishy that if God didn't want us to have that knowledge, Jesus would up and contradict it... then I wonder more and more... why is it that God didn't want us to have the knowledge of good and evil? Let's look at many other beliefs. See what matches up and fits snug. Omg, right and wrong, good and evil don't exist except for in the mind. They are merely concepts we humans make up to dictate that we are better than someone else when we want our way or someone else is in the wrong when we don't get our way... lol, lots of love, brother. Hopefully, I didn't make an enemy of ya. I'd love for anyone to be able to be my friend. In my eyes, if you're not against me or with me, I'm still me. Maybe those who aren't with me will come around. They say, "What comes around goes around." I'm sure that the cycle never ends. History may eventually become herstory, and then who knows it could be mystory, but for now, it's just mystery.

​@@dakotapeters5654it's why His thinking is not our thinking. Your mind can never fully comprehend God. You can however know and learn about God. If we knew everything, we'd be God. But we're humans. Only capable of learning what God gave us to learn.

​@@dakotapeters5654Nobody likes having fake friends. God doesn't like having fake Christians. He loves them, but wants genuineness more than anyone in the universe.

Nope David I don't know anyone that's gonna do that either. Would be nice though.

Veryyyy rare...dont expect it from like 99.99%

I think perhaps it's more you need to gain forgiveness from those thing which can't be done. Purhapse find the lesser. Spend time just try to accept it. No should've could've would've.

Ive seen it

It means you need to accept that some people cannot make those steps to take full accountability of their wrongdoings, and it is a pointless endeavour to force it out of them. Which means you have no other option but moving on from their betrayal, life is too short to dwell on people who aren't willing to make the effort to become good people.

He does have a brilliant mind. I love his passion he makes me feel like I'm not the only one when I see how passionate he is sometimes. I tear up every time I see him tearing up during his speaches. Makes me capable of pushing forward for the best possible outcome achievable. Hopefully, I can help make major changes in the 🌎 world someday. If not, no big deal, I can say it's not for the lack of effort... thousands of hours researching in the past few years. Still nowhere near good enough to brave a stage or make videos to help others yet. It takes lots of time for me to put thoughts about feelings into accurate, precise, and helpful words that haven't been said by someone else a dozen times over.

😂

😂

So true hey

No... I feel like I should die ...I confessed everything but I can't forgive my self I was 18 when I kissed somebody else I'm turning 21 this december and I just want to die... But I can't cuz I am the only child of my parents... My bf wants to forgive me... But I feel horrible.... Please pray that I could die along with my parents so that they don't get hurt

Also pray for my bf that he could find the best person on this earth and live happily always always

lol just a movie villian

There are a lot of things that go into betrayal. Doesn't mean the person doesn't care. We can get lost in our own misery that we don't realize what we do to others.

@@MrFujin I agree. Black and white thinking is not very useful when it comes to having deep relationships…

Exactly 💯

True. But miracles do happen. But the biggest miracle is you who can forgive a betrayal. ❤

I call bullsh!t on that..betrayers are still aware of right and wrong..that's why they go to great lengths to hide their deception

I forgive you but I will never be able to trust you Again. Move on in peace.

@@thethinktwice1235 you see ❤ forgiveness is “no more “ when Jesus forgives us… it is no more ❤it is done❤it is finished. When you forgive someone…. It is NO MORE.

Are you a person worth respecting? If the answer is yes, you'll need to have a serious discussion with her, and decide how to make amends. I'm sorry for your heartbreak. That absolutely sucks. I hope you can learn and grow for the better despite the adversity.

Grow cold towards and move on from that person. She does not love you and never will again. When people love you, they really, really love you. Love is about doing the right thing at all times for the person you love. If she betrayed your love, that means she's untrustworthy and will just do it again. You don't need her. Find someone who will respect you for who you are.

Amen

The first thing is to stop to believe that the damage is irreversible. It's only a believe that cause harm. The second thing is to understand that you forgive, not because you are a good person, or that you need explainations, but because you love yourself enough to not carry that weight anymore. The third thing is to do it.

He says only if you want forgiveness, this would be the first step… and even then it doesn’t guarantee anything, it’s just the first step. But he is speaking on behalf of the perpetrators not the victim… So… must keep searching

I have just the opposite. My daughter estranged and for three years I've tried to reach her. I honestly don't know what I did?

@@Thoughtworld1984 please dont beat yourself up. She may be feeling bad about herself and is not able to face you. If she is healthy and well othetwise stop trying to meet her. If she comes to you freely on her terms then keep calm and neutral and listen to her explanation. Have some spa treatments, hot stone massages etc. to give your own self warmth and love. 🛍🩱🥿🎹🎻🥁🎓🧥

God promises justice. Sometimes you have to do the work through prayer and a counselor before you will ever hear it from the person who hurt you. I’m waiting for an apology too ❤ I pray you get yours and that God heals your heart until then 🙏

😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢ikr what constant deliberate abuses injected internal poisonings sabotages assassinations for all sufferings life theft feels+IS like+for oh but everyone joins in only protects if its on them its just a vestigial suggestion but maybe try Theta Healing & A New Safe Cushioned Supported Life With GOOD PEOPLE +Freedoms To Enjoy Your New Life

Same like me,but i just thinking,everyone will die at any moment,so rather than thinking about that selfish human,i will just focus on ME,make me happy and enjoy every moment left i have,there is a purpose why we dont live in this world forever my brother😊

But then what to do then? If you don't see those people anymore but still harness contempt

I thought it said in the Manual your parents are supposed to F you up? I know it's a rotten joke but you start to think an awful lot of parents read that manual!! Most of us spend our lives recovering from childhood, And we mostly don't get miraculous apologies, just we have to do the hard work figuring what all these hurts taught us and whether we can let the past go for the peace of it. I find being bitter eats you up. Being hurt is bad enough but hold the grudge, is toxic. Most of us hold on to it far too long enduing more pain, but the good thing is, when you finally can let go; sincerely, it feels amazing. Not saying it's not hard and you might have several goes failing, but it is worth getting there. And when you live long enough it's amazing how things dovetail. If we didn't go through this horrid thing, we wouldn't have been ready or in the right place for the good things. Although bullying is horribly damaging in many ways, I notice people who were bullied can often be the ones who don't just follow the crowd; They can be independent and think for themselves. Possibly less susceptible to groupthink? Just a thought?

Stop blaming others for your problems and take responsibility for your actions. GROW UP!!!

this underrated

@@Dimitris_Half We all make mistakes, but some will never humble themselves to admit it.

Margott 🏆

Likely

Youre putting too much faith in humans.

@@kathystclair9485 ...hmmm..That was my point, - those, hamble enough to admit are never enough to betray.... (he spoke about betrayal, than 'mistakes')

You can do it when you take full responsibility over your life. Stop blaming others and expecting them to change. Your own choices lead you to the situation, you chose the relationships, and your anger is disappointment in yourself which you project onto others because that's easier to deal with. Point that anger at the man in the mirror.

Time to leave.

Not sorry, not forgiven, its just that simple, their loss.

Right!😫😫💔 especially family

So you forgive the will to not change, the will to continue to do evil. I never do that. That's why no one hurt me twice.

@@truthteller3024 It’s different with childhood. You can’t walk away from your parents or whoever is raising you. So if any adult child is still in a state where they need to forgive their parents, either dead or alive, it helps to think they did the best they were willing to do because they were afraid to change. Anyway, I’ve seen this mindset help others including myself. I’ve always balked at the notion of “They did the very best they knew at the time. When they know better, they do better. “ I don’t believe it. Have I always done my very best when I knew better? Heck no. I should’ve had one piece of pie and I knew better than to have two or three pieces of pie but I did it anyway. Simple analogy.

no even god cant perform this miracle, but they can scapegoat the expendable old Better People as new victims using their private personal consensual intimate relationships as excuses to cover newer puppets playing next act to trick new helpless generations same as old to continue lying corrupt useless genocide thats kind of like human approximation of what an apology is, it IS the best they can compute and empathise to do. dont ever expect Honour Returned. it only hurts you more ~Bud+J=PREForgive what you KNOW backstabbing assassin serpents WILL do (*so premake escape provisions) Heart+Respect For The REAL WORTHY Kings We NEED being crucified for ANY Precious Integrity right now today, AND The Glorious Queens Supporting❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤😢😢

Lol 😂

Exception: don't forgive them still

nah they'll lose money that way

can my employer confess?

@@shanesaxon6863 actually it’s not impossible. However it might be impossible for someone who does not have Jesus in their life and heart. I have to admit that before I surrendered to the Lord it was impossible for me. But thank Jesus I’m free from those who’ve hurt me deeply. 🙏🏼 💜 🕊

​@@esmeraldagarcia2848 not true, I believe in Jesus, and their some people i just couldnt forgive, it is good to confess it to him thoe, so he may grant mercy and forgivness, being pressured to forgive just gonna cause more hurt.

Just look at her like an ill person. Like someone who suffered brain damage. Its pretty much the dame thing. Maybe that can help you taking it less personal.

Doc Snipes said: Consider that maybe what they did to you was done to them. They didn’t know better. Human nature to resist changing what you are doing. Compassion.

Stephanie Buckner: That’s called triangulation. It’s a tactic that narcissists use.

Then I abandon the triangle all together.

@@terrywade3696 that's exactly what my ex did to destroy my grounds that I stand on...

That’s a nice saying, and I like the sentiment, but it’s naive. Because people are not love. People are people. And when someone accuses you of something horrendous, to which there are serious consequences, you will need to defend yourself. It may actually be morally (and sometimes legally) necessary for you to defend your character, intentions, and motivations. And then you will see yourself turn into a person you didn’t see yourself becoming. You will need to reflect back to collect ‘ammo’ and justifications. Love alone doesn’t stand a chance against someone malicious and spiteful.

​@@sweswirl7455 yes

It’s as naive as it is truth, remember the subject is forgiveness, this truth is redemptive, a post event restoration of that which was lost…it’s not for the offender( though they may benefit) it’s for the offended. If you think forgiveness is hard.. try forgiven

When have you put this unrealistic saying to the test personally?

It is SO SO SO frustrating when people blithely quote scripture like that. And, even tho I hold to the scripture, this is not what JP is saying. He's talking about how to get through the depths of the betrayal of an affair. When you use scripture the way you did it makes it sound trite. I suggest you have not endured the pain I have, I'm sure you would not have commented like that if so.

Forgive because you love God & His perception and love for you is all that matters. Do it with caution but do it because He asks this of you in remembrance of the sacrifices made. You reliquish Joy and God's plan for ur life by putting another human being's demonic actions (& disgusting attempt at an apology, if ever) above even your own feelings , let alone His❤️🙏🏾Not even because your abuser deserves it but ONLY** For your peace & joy, amazing.

It may be improbable; it's not impossible.

I forgive him already

did you find it?

@@micaso1 nope

You totally missed the point…

​@@andreagabel5589 😂 you are just delutional

Your kids are in an understandable position, i am a son of divorced parents. My dad left my mom for another woman when i was 5 years old. I'm 25 now i forgave him because Jesus teaches me that i make mistakes too and deserve God's judgement. So even tho i might feel hurt the only way to free myself from resentment is to love my father like nothing happened and move forward. Just like God loves me

They will forgive only after they find Jesus. Tell them about Him every day. My daughter is in the same position, was very bitter but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have a place in her heart for her dad. That’s why she hates him. But with the help of specialists and telling her about Jesus, maybe she will forgive. I know I did and she cannot understand that yet.

his words are harmonious from start to finish

Deep💯 i did watch a video basically stating u must choose to forgive every time the experience resurfaces. Always complaining im tired of being the bigger person never understanding the work behind it fr. This is an issue I've had my *entire* 25 years on earth. Thinking if i "believe" i forgive , thats good enough (i can still be angry and resentful)... Not at all . Forgiveness is not a one time thing & that scared me more than my petty emotions. That simple misunderstanding can land u in hell. This redirected my anger, thoughts, reflections. I can be mad all day , talking to myself, RELIVING the torment and straight up damaging me & Father God's relationship .. ooor i can choose peace through His grace, love and mercy . ❤️

😂

@@Steve-lt2wi I'm glad you agree. 💜🙏

😂😂😂