My major self development started some months back, I’ve distanced myself from my family (dysfunctional) & now some friends, am also trying to date (brings up more negative people!). As a therapist told me ‘there are not that many well balanced people out there’. I want to be married with good friends, it’s hard to meet people, it’s pretty lonely. Meanwhile I’m working on myself.
yogiessex london I’ve really cut my circle down over the last few years and it’s become very small lol. How have you been getting on with your changes?
Thank you! Tracy. I grew up in a very dysfunctional and toxic family. This was very hard for me, to eliminate my two sisters from my life. Years ago before I cut them out of my life, I thought something was wrong with me! Later in life , I found that it wasn’t me ! It was them! Cutting me down all the time telling me that I was slow . Mean hurtful things! I remember in past videos you mentioned hurt people hurt people! You’re right on point there Tracy! I have not communicated with my two sisters for over 10 years. I recently received a letter from my younger sister and my older sister. I should have not opened these letters, But I was hoping they wanted to put the past and hurtful comments behind them. I was wrong it was the past coming back at me again! I realize now that I am a very nice caring person. And nobody will ever tell me otherwise. Thank you so much for your inspirational videos. You’re never too old to learn new things! You are one classy lady!❤️👍😄
Wonderful self-assessment as to how greatly affected you were. Often, we have to do what serves our well-being and they may come with a price. Sometimes we find out later on ... that price turned out to be an investment! God Bless!
I have been listening to a lot of your tapes today . just today got off the phone with a cousin and could not stop crying and I realize that’s why my blood pressure goes up every time I talk to her, it’s it’s very toxic and I have to walk away , leave it alone and Sometimes we have to do that. I thought I could help her. I thought I could make her see things, I thought I could make her stop looking at her past , how she grew up and be happy, but I it wasn’t working. It was just totally bringing me down and I really realized this morning after the conversation on the phone that I have to do this ,just walk away and that’s hard for me but it’s my health too and I’ve listen to four of your RU-vid videos today and they have helped me ,so thank you so much.
Excellent! I used to have a lot of negativity in my life. I said to myself multiple times a day, "I am only surrounded by people who love and honor me" It worked.
You always have such great advice, Tracy. I had a few dream stealers back in the day. I always used their naysaying as a motivator to do better. Success is the best revenge! :) Love your channel. Jennifer xx
Thank you Jennifer! I appreciate it! Great self-assessment tool to motivate you even more. By the way, watched and loved a recent video you did with your husband. Breath of fresh air! Keep making this world better! Blessings!
The most negative people are those that are positive to your face and negative behind your back. They’re always caught out eventually though. Great video Tracy! More more more! 🤗👍💛
My weed is my mother. Before, I was able to limit my interactions with her when she was being negative, but now I am her caregiver, and she is killing me. She’s 94 and there is no one else to help her besides me. She is still living alone, but needs a lot of help, and may need to live with me before too long. I can’t eliminate her from my life, it’s just not that simple sometimes.
Joanne no it’s really not is it, if we are a kind, empathetic person (and many of us with toxic mothers usually are for some reason) the guilt and the hold they have over us is so hard to free yourself from.
Are you able to pay someone to take your place being her caregiver at least part of the time? Is there anyone else in your family who can help you with this responsibility?
Thank you for this video. Seriously. I just realized how toxic and dysfunctional my family truly is, apart from my mom and little brother. It's hard, when your family is the source of your years of depression and anxiety.
Family may look down on you for many reasons, they may be jealous of you also. Either way, you can't win. You don't have to love your family or be around them. Love people that can encourage, inspire, tolerate and love you for you
You know, I have been doing this my whole life... Removing toxic people from my life. Jesus doesn't want other people pulling you down and away from God 💖
Hello Tracy, browsing on RU-vid found you, it took only few moments for me to connect to you, you are a very intelligent woman, love your videos. Thank you so much for your time, may God bless you in every way.🤗
You are a woman after my own heart. I just recently had to weed my garden, after much thought and pray, but I found that some people can be emotional vampires. I would love for you to do a follow-up video. Thank you for keeping it real.
Good self-awareness, Terri! Love how you put it, "Weed my garden". Thanks for sharing. Maybe you will inspire someone else to 'Weed their Garden'! God Bless!
HI, Tracy! 👋🏻 Your video couldn't have been better timed. I'm at a point in my life where change is necessary...and relationships with others are a big part of that. Thanks for your input on "weeding" out people and taking a good look at oneself. Have a blessed day!
Im there today...i think my journey is about to begin. I get so close but i allow the manipulation and smiling faces pull me back because thr loneliness hurts like a pain in the gut. I have to do this because the poison is making me so sick and so here goes. It's so easy to get sucked back in because company feels like a release sometimes however i have got to make a stand. My first step was to stop asking my toxic mother to.look after my children while i go to work and the step i am also distancing myself from expectations. I no longer pop over for a coffee or a chat, i no longer go there for xmas because the energy is so forced. I want to feel free and free is something that i am not while i am stuck in the matrix. Thanks Tracy. Another excellent video
The phone example got me. Yes definitely there is someone I let go to voicemail if at all possible. I loved these examples Tracy. Ok had to add on to this about the work thing. I’ve been struggling with a person at work that at first tries to seem interested in what you have to say but takes every opportunity to ultimately use it to be competitive or judge mental. I had to have a conversation with her last week about no longer sharing personal things at work to create a work boundary between us because I’m starting to feel animosity toward her.
I am just so thankful for you. I start my day out by listening to as many self help videos of your while I get my make up on or am driving . I have had a lot of negative to overcome in my upbringing and just with things that come at me from others. You are a breath of fresh air and I just wanted to say thank you. . Your name has become well known around here ❤️💕. My dream would be to be able to have a session with you one day
Of all the RU-vid videos and books I've viewed and read, Tracy's are the most raw, real, and applicable to my life. I thoroughly appreciate your work and am grateful that you are on RU-vid! Thank you.
Tracy, your videos have been so incredibly helpful. Thank you for sharing your wisdom! You are a wonderful example of how a true lady should conduct herself. I am a millennial and I have noticed that a lot of my millennial friends complain constantly and I too, am starting to fall into that trap. Would you consider doing a video on how to stop complaining? I would love to hear your thoughts on that subject.
How can there be 4 ‘thumbs down’?? 🤨 Tracy-you are the most honest, genuine and respected ‘straight shooter’ i know...and i do ‘know you’ 😊 Since being able to sit next you last summer, I really have learned from you, and I am grateful that i ‘stumbled’ upon your knowledge!! Keep motivating us, to be our very best! Love you, girl! 🤗💜
Thank you Sheri! What a wonderful message! I love how you put it, "Straight Shooter". YES!!! You have been such a loyal and faithful friend and I am so appreciative! Can not wait to meet again! God Bless you!
I have left my family behind. You can all love them from distance, and love yourself right away without feeling guilty. I have no regrets, it has been 21 years later and I am grateful for that choice I made. Further you move, better for you 🤗 ones who meant to stay in your life and influence you will come around and as you would shift by that time into pure love, you will resonate that on them and they will shift with you. Love your way my dear 💜💙💚
Thank you for this!!! I never knew how badly I was feeling around negative people until I got the joy of being around positive. From what you follow on social media to the news, etc. all effects. Glad I watch you-positiver!!!
SOMETIMES I FEEL FORCE TO BE WITH TOXIC ONES , B3CAUSE I'M WORKING WITH THEM, BUT YOU HONESTLY INSPIRE ME AND GIVE ME LOTS OF HOPES . THANK YOU SO VERY- VERY MUCH !
That was so good and thank you so much for guiding us to ask "what rating would they give *me* ? Why?" ... We are not always aligned with how we want to be, so true! That kind of self-examination is the future of a peaceful world! Yes for those 'cultivation' videos!
Hello Tracy Hensel, Good morning 🌅! How are you doing today? I greet you with pleasure in this new time, hoping you are fine in health. I found this video about two days ago, but I didn't have a chance to post it, till now. Good topic, good audio and good voice. It's ideal for me to practice my listening skill in English, turning on the option of subtitles in this language. Congratulations for your work and for this video of yours. Tracy, I hope you have a fantastic weekend with your family, wherever you are. 💐🤗🙏.
Great video.💎 I know what buttons to push with parents now. Dad loves humour, Mum loves to be the star of the show, and I allow her to be a 🌟. I have strong intuition and thats a beautiful gift so I use it with people to determine whether its a yes or a no.🦋
Ms. Tracy I am so glad I found your site. Very positive and helpful information that I will use. I want to be a woman of integrity, confident, and demonstrate excellence from the inside and out. Your site will be another tool in my life belt to get me there. I thank God you found your gift and it shows, because many of us have lost our way being identified as a woman and lady. Thanks again
Couldn’t have come at a better time for me! Thank you very much for touching on this topic. Would really like to see more on this subject. Growing into a better version of myself while living a more fulfilling life.
Thank you I lived with someone negative for 27 years and no matter what situation my x husband was always negative. Unfortunately due to years of emotional abuse I m now very hurt by it and I go day by day to recover from some of it. 😔I wish that they would teach at schools more about moral and goals and positivity and in this crazy world what will save us is positivities. 👍🙏
Thank you, Tracy, for your excellent videos that help so many of us. This is a great service you are providing to women! I also want to point out that there is a lot of talk about "toxic" or "negative" people these days. However, I have observed that many of the people accusing others of being toxic are in fact, the toxic ones! The reason I bring this up is because there seems to be an epidemic of young adults walking away from LOVING parents, while accusing the parent of being "toxic" with no further explanation or discussion permitted. I doesn't seem rational. This epidemic is causing a lot of unnecessary pain because there are some very good parents who have been victimized by this trend. If we value a relationship, it makes sense to communicate our expectations to that person, and also ask them to tell us what their expectations are as well. It should not be all about us. That's not to say that we should tolerate abuse of any kind, even from a parent. What I am talking about are young adults who are holding their parents to a standard that is way higher than they hold themselves or anyone else to, as an excuse to sever the relationship. There is a sort of narcissism about this trend. Sometimes these young adults get on the "toxic" bandwagon in order to justify shutting out their parents because of their own rebellion. They play judge and jury with the people who care about them the most, while demanding that no one judge them. There is a hypocrisy about that. Has anyone else observed this trend?
Lord, please help me to be a seed in the lives of others and leave them better than I found them. This is my prayer. Thank you, Tracy, for the awesome video. You truly spoke to my heart. I shared this with my daughter, by the way. ♥️♥️♥️
Thanks a lot!! Tracy. I find your videos very comforting and helfpful. The video about being lady like, how to be thick skinned, the things you talked about in this video is very true like misery needs company, hurt people hurt people..these are things that happen in every day life. But thanks soo much for your wonderful thoughts on how to cope up with these kind of people and situations. I luv watching your videos, tracy..you truly are a classy person in every way...
Wow another good video. I had to put a negative next two a few family members because they were so toxic. I had one that was awful to me my own sister instead of supporting and being happy for my accomplishments I was criticized for everything. Like you said trying to steal your dreams. It was one of the hardest things to do was to block them from my life and the best thing I did for my self. I was told my story could be a book. However I’m doing well God has bless me with the best friends once can have. Professionally the firm I work for the mentors I had and still have could not ask for better. Life is good. :)
I was dealing with the mentally I wanted to be nice and be like. Only to finally realize that I was compromising and duming down to be like. I started to realize these people were not investing in my kindness and the dividends were null. Some of these people were toxic to the point that made me feel insecure about myself or selfish people that I was only an option if they were bored or needed to vent. I took inventory of my relationships with who really matter and let go of the rest. I don’t blame these people because people will only do what you let them do. I now have standards and boundaries and in a better place in my mind and surround myself with people who are genuine and kind without a hidden agenda. I work on myself on the person I would want to be as my true friend this emulation has attractive nice friends. My final thoughts when I lift you up I rise higher. 💐
@@TracyHensel After a sleepless night seeing toxic Facebook posts, I decided it would be my last sleepless night due to facebook. The next morning I blocked all the "weeds" and haven't looked back.
Yes Tracy. Please keep it going. Especially in the work place. So so hard to keep ur distance and not get caught up in the day to day negativity I’ve realized I’m not surrounded by many positive people and it truly drives me crazy. I forever am trying to better myself and after work I feel defeated. 😖. Feeling annoyed Love your videos !
Wow thank you so much Tracy...I have been labelled the black sheep by my mum but I realized ,learned that what I believe I am and can be matters. You have become my online my and thank so much for your inspiring videos....and grooming. Keep it moving..! Love from South Africa
You are really growing on me. I love how on speak. It's like you give particular attention to each word. If I had a VR it would be "How To Gain Respect Without Saying a Word" I look forward to seeing more of you
Such Good, Practical, Sound Advice!! It is Truly Important to be free from toxic, negative people! I recently just pulled away from a toxic person in my life. I’ve always struggled with realizing that I need enough self respect and worth to pull away from such people. That it’s not wrong to do so. I’m one of those “too nice, to my detriment” but I’m trying as I grow to change that and actually have limits and boundaries. To be in Control of who I let into my life. Thanks so much Tracy!! 💞💞💞💞
Beautifully, Beautifully spoken, Liz! I can only hope that your words get seen by someone who is struggling with that decision. "It's not wrong to do so" ... LOVE that! Thank you for sharing! God Bless!
Tracy Hensel what I Love is that your advice is perfectly in line with God’s advice in the Bible. I was raised knowing 1 Corinthians 15:33 “Do not be misled. Bad associations spoil useful habits.” Bad associations can be constituted anyone who is negative or harmful to growth spiritually and emotionally. 👍🏻
You are such a wonderful lady Ms Tracy Hensey! Your tips are so helpful and constructive! You have shared all what I've needed to hear! Thanks for being such a great leader with powerful words! I want to see more video similar to this!
Yes, please Tracy. Would love to see a video finding and cultivating the “seeds.” My circle has become very limited, and I know that’s partly my fault. But would love to know how to go out and make new mom friends that are amazing. It’s sometimes really lonely being a mom at home, and I’ve slipped at taking care of my social life. Thank you for the help.
Yes, please create a video on how to gain new seeds or cultivate the ones we already have. It would be much appreciated. Ive gained much value from this video.
Thank you for the great advice. I LOVE Mother Teresa, and I enjoy how you follow her advice...”... let no one come to you without leaving happier.” Yes, please do a video on how to nurture “seeds”. xo
this was helpful especially knowing to be honest with yourself and labelling yourself just as u would've label if anyone is postive bringer or negative bringer. also the verse "self development " it self was motivating and carried its own beauty.
I had amazing Friday. I think I nailed my job interview today. I prayed to Allah (god) , used many tips from u r video how be classy and ladylike . was confident ,dress on occation . set up right even though it was not easy and was sometimes letting go unintentionally . I am seeing the beauty in self developmeng may Allah bless and your family😘
This video is excellent, Tracy! I had to weed out my in laws several years ago because my marriage was being destroyed. We had to live with them for 2 years and it was so toxic. Thanks for your tips and advice!
Thank you Becca! What a beautiful message! I am happy to hear that you took the necessary steps to save yourself and your marriage. Sometimes we have to make that change for our own fruit to bear. Hope you and Paris are doing well and of course the Birthday Girl, Lucy! Cannot believe she just turned 7! God Bless you and your family!!!
Thank you Tracy, yes please include video about planting seeds... you know, a negative person continues to try to communicate only when good things are happening in my life and I don't want to share in my "happy" so I am learning to delay responding and saying no so when will that person get the "drift" that she needs to stay away...... argh
Am married to a man who has become so negative, he abuse me verbally , says hurtful words to me that always make me cry and feel less of a wOman. I always want to go but money to start up again is a bit of a problem now for me. Am trying to gather some money and leave. Am a Montessori teacher and how he treat me always my productivity at work. Even how he treat the kids. I just don’t want them to grow up around a beast like him. He treat me like am his slave. No respect for me. Hmmm I will leave eventually!!! Thanks for ur videos
Tracy 💚💙💜 your soul is talking to mine everytime I listen to your wisdom. I would love one about True Gentleman. Lady one was incredible. You know how to say it right and get through minds to grow those who are ready. Namaste 🌸
Thank you Tracy! I have eliminated those people who do not bring positive things into my life. And it does not mean that I cannot listen to a friend or sibling who is in trouble, but I do it with those who do see a light at the end of the tunnel... Now, this is particularly hard when the negativity comes from a mother. How to handle it? I am 52 and still trying to figure it out. Hugs from Buenos Aires!
Boundaries - you have to set up boundaries. Sometimes there are things we are not open to from others. Don't be open to the negativity and your mother will no longer see you as her sound board.
Hi Tracy, I'm watching this video right now as I write this comment, I'm going through some trouble at my work with my line manageress, she is a 54 year old spiteful woman and I'm 34, her life is horrible so she's trying to bring everyone down with her, yesterday my boss had words with me, and I found out she's spreading vicious lies about me, telling them I'm doing things I'm not, I'm SO UPSET right now, I'm working today and really don't want to go... I don't want to see her I'm so angry with her... Other colleagues told me to "rise above her" and "don't react"... But I'm not the kind of person to just sit back, and let her away with that... How should I? I can't have my bosses thinking badly of me when I haven't done anything... I actually updated my CV and I'm thinking strongly of applying for another job and leaving, I love my job, but I just can't work with someone who's willing to stab me in the back like that, and with her age you'd think she should be the mature, responsible, and professional one, I have in the past had to report her to HR for talking about me behind my back, then denying it to my face when I confronted her, even though the people she spoke to admitted she was!! I'm just so down, my husband says I should leave he sees that I'm so low and not happy there anymore and all I do is come home and complain about the place and her... So I would love to hear your take on my situation - what should I do? Leave and be happy? Or stay and fight back? I certainly don't want to give her the satisfaction that she thinks she's "chased me out" but I also can't trust her anymore. Aimee x
I'm so sorry to hear that this has happen, Aimee! I agree - rise above! If you would like more one-on-one guidance in this situation or on advising how to handle your job moving forward, I encourage you to book a session with me and we try to tackle this together. Keep your eye on the prize in life and don't let her or anyone else break that stride. God Bless!
Great video Tracy, as usual. I practice this in my life and try to keep my distance from negative people. My friends and family always have each other's backs. I try to read or watch something every day that is encouraging which, of course, includes your wonderful videos. A follow up video would be great.
What an amazing video! We all have toxic people around us for sure but the best part was towards the end where you said to analyze us and decide if we are toxic as well. I sure don’t want to be and I want people to enjoy being around me. Thank you for your work making videos like this one that help us to become better versions of ourselves.
Thank you for sharing! I COMPLETELY feel the same way. Often the it is the person complaining about others that is the REAL problem. I felt it was very important to get the self-assessment point across! Have a GREAT weekend! God Bless!
Tracy, I would love to see a video geared to helping people who have to live with "toxic" people, or people who just bring them down. Sometimes it is children who still have to live at home, sometimes a spouse who though you love them, their actions and negativity bring you down. Or some like Joanne, who is a caregiver for a negative mother.
Hi Rebecca! I recommend my video on Toxic Relationships and my video on How To Be Thick Skinned. From there, I encourage you to book a series of coaching sessions with me for one-on-one work.
