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Mmmm, no. They don’t care. There is no revenge, no justice. It’s hard to swallow. After a 30+ year marriage to one, I’ve been taught a lot I wish I didn’t have to know. They don’t care. And if perchance a bit of care sneaks in to their mind, they quickly wipe it out with a good story like “she’s just pretending she doesn’t still want me” or “it’s obvious this marriage is over, so I’m going to screw this lady over here”.
@@nanabear2.026 that's awful and true. My point was that living your own best life is the only way forward. Thoughts of actual revenge are pointless - as the famous observation goes, it's akin to drinking poison and hoping that other person gets sick.
@@roberttruhn5067 yes. You are so right. I only comment because I know there are people like me in the past who are still in the game. “i’ll show her, I’m going to live my best life, she’ll hate that” inside holding out hope that “he’ll see what he lost” or like me, thinking I was helping him to rely more on himself, holding back the supply he was asking for, THINKING he was learning, relying on himself, but he just had a girlfriend. I can see, I was still in the game even hoping I could “show HIM”. And it was disastrous for me, because I have a heart, I cared, I wanted to save my marriage, I didn’t want to believe a narc doesn’t care about people, I didn’t want to believe, COULDN’T believe that after 34 years, he replaced me about 3 weeks after he left the house. WTF?!? It’s beyond reason how heartless these people are. Anyway, I wish you well.
@R.E.Warrior24 Having had been there too, i understand. I tried the gray rock technique and failed at it also Eventually giving into dumb desires and falling back into their traps repeating the same old crap. Life will continue giving us the same lessons until we learn from them. Real love doesn’t punish what it loves. Pick your self back up and allow yourself time to heal and I assure you life will improve relatively quickly without them in it. And again them losing control over you will drive them crazy. It’s funny, Mine went from stonewalling to stalking. It sucked at first for me but I’m now about 3 years of no contact and rarely am I brought into a negative state. Back when the narc was in my life, it was all the time. Any good time was guaranteed to come with a bad time. Screw that dysfunctional ride, I’d rather die alone than subject myself to that crap again.
I have to block my son on occasion and it breaks my heart. Of course he knows that he can get agold of me if he ever needs to. He can call my husband if its important and Ill be there in a heartbeat. 😢😢😢 But i have found that I do have to do this for my own mental health and to keep me from losing my temper on him. He loves to manipukate and make me feel guilty if we dont fund every little thing he comes to us with. He already lives in a free house with no rent, doesnt pay utilities, doesnt pay for his cell ohone or even his groceries most of the time. Hes 23. Hes always starting jobs but they never last long... and then when payday comes, something ALWAYS goes wrong with his paycheck. I feel so sad because i couldnt afford to get the dirtier lawyer that was BFF with the County Judge and so the judge always ruled in his Bio Dads favor - despite whatever proof i had of abuse and neglect and insane treatment... (Bio Dad is a Narcissist too... 😢) So i did have him half or less than half of his life until he was 10... But his Dad took him completely after that. And I didnt get him back untol my son grew bigger andbtaller than his Dad at 17 and graduated HS early. Weve dealt with drug and alcohol issues and some legal issues. Hopefully hes past all that now. But he still hasnt grown up enough to learn to take care of himself financially like a responsible adult. And sometimes, the things he says to me, cut me down to the bone. 😢 He breaks my heart. But Ive had to learn to block him. And its awful. But hes my son and i could never cut him out of my life completely. 😢😢😢
This is true. Nothing destroys a narcissist like being ignored…completely. Being the center of attention is their life blood….being ignored is their destruction.
@@VeronicaGuerreiro-ri2rc you got this, be patient, listen to yourself, nurture yourself and in time it will go away. Everything is temporary. Once you see the dark, you will see the light.
"Not even a goodbye...??" They fucking love hearing that. They reaaally get off on that. Don't give them that, it just fuels them with your misery. Don't expect them to ever give you that compassion and relief, it is not there, and that is but one of the reasons why you should definitely leave.
I don’t want revenge, 10% of me is very angry, 90% is just hurt, confused, flabbergasted and wants to forget she exists and feel indifferent about her.
As he says, grieve the end of the relationship, then excise them from your life. be kind to yourself, be good to yourself. If you can, forgive them in your heart, it may bring you peace. Good luck 🤞🏻
How do I say this? I am not sure and limited time here so if you need me to elaborate I will later but don't want to to forget them. Just work on forgetting them. The wanting keeps you trapped. Do everything you can do well blocking out the want of forgetting....more later. You are in my prayers now.
James I really truly feel that 10% angry and 90% hurt I say to myself I know time heals and I’m taking 1 day at a time . But when will this completely end ? This really truly woke me up . WOW dealing with a narcissist. FATHER GOD help us , protect us AMEN
And we’re the ex to them. Forgiveness frees us and starts with seeing them as just a flawed human not a label that only acts to protect us by dehumanizing them. See them as the child they were. What happened? Only they know. None of this is to excuse. We also need to look at the part of us attracted to this type of energy and personality. That’s on us.
Such a brilliant analogy. They are truly drowning under the weight of their own consciousness, which they refuse to let go of. This coupled with the fact they count on the bond you share to drown you along with them. Sinister beyond words.
I know exactly what you feel! My husband even threatend to take his own life to manipulate me and keep me from leaving him. What helped me to let him go though is to learn that his emotions don't work like mine do. He is actually using the fact that I empathise with the feeling of 'the world is falling apart and I'm drowning'. In reality he is feeling 'the world is against me and I will do whatever it takes to save myself' and he is constantly resenting me for trying to help him. He uses my empathy for things like depression, suicide, abandonment to control me and keep me in this unhealthy bond. But he eventually needs me for his own survival mechanisms rather than actually saving. And he won't care if I actually drown in the mean time. When I left him physically but still had contact (I didn't know I was dealing with a covert narcissist at that time) he told me after a couple of weeks his depression and suicidal thoughts had dissapeared. When I went no contact for 2-3 months and his manipulations didn't work on me he again acted like the whole world was dying and I abandoned him. What he wanted was for me to come back to get a job, do the household and have sex again with him though. I told him that if he was so miserable he could seek professional help. Now he wants a divorce. I just hope this helps someone realise that the covert narcissist will always act like he is in great pain or misery while in fact he is just manipulating and controling you and you need to start thinking about your own feelings and situation. I promise that you are the one who has suffered for real here.
Yep when he still lived with me during our fights I would go silent and this eohkd infuriate him because I was t engaging. This upped the anti to the point where even if I agreed he would try some backwards psycjobabble way to try to interpret it as me trying to fight and argue still which gave him the excuse he needed to leave so he could go chase the girl that wanted him. Now they’re together and I hope she got everything she wanted and more.
Yes, walk away and life will get better. They will continue to try to destroy you, but they will end up showing the world who they really are. Just give it time.
Mine told me early in the relationship that the worst thing I could do to him was to ignore him. I’m thankful he gave me that info once I realized I had to get out!
This! Mine told me that as well. To not ghost him. I kind of regret being the bigger person and ending it like a normal person with him. He would insult me like I was trash while we dated, but luckily I caught on quick and it only lasted a little over a month. People like this don’t know how to love.
Yes: I was instructed when meeting him curbside to “think of me”…when undetected met to make a payment for my taking full responsibility for money escaping my hands due to the characters. I was at an annual checkup for test results. All results good AFTER I skipped a year due to overlooking my own needs. We got this one. It is OUR LIFE. K ow that the power of God the Almighty has already set us free of these “imaginary chains” appearing to hold us back. Remembers that there is an irregularity in their BRAIN Chemistry. There is tons of literature out there to proof all this. Get googled with knowledge true power. Become a writer or start journaling. Blessings to all lovely BEINGS. You are loved…know IT❤
@@annamossity8879 I think we may have found a universal tell. Mine said this as well. Narcissists fear abandonment above all else. They are terrified of it. I believe this is the root of their illness. All of the attention seeking, manipulation, lies… all of it. It’s their twisted, maladjusted, mentally ill way of trying to manipulate and force a situation where they have total control so that THEY are in control of whether you leave or not. It’s really sad. Because if they weren’t like that, nobody would leave them. It’s the most self defeating defense mechanism I’ve ever seen. They say that the narcissist “turns” when they know for a fact that you’re 100% in love with them and fully dedicated, but I disagree. I think they see the first mask slip reflected in you long before you ever realize it. They KNOW you saw behind the mask for a split second, and they HATE you for it. It’s what attracts them to empaths but also makes them loathe empaths. Empaths are loving, dedicated, loyal, etc. That’s what they want. Empaths are also very observant, emotional, and honest. That’s what they don’t want. As soon as you start to notice something is off, they will torture you forever for that “transgression”. You won’t even know what tipped them off to it, because the first little hint of that is so small. This causes their “Sh*t, they saw it. F*ck, they’re gonna leave. F*ck, what do I do?” insanity. After that, all’s fair in love and war to them. And, unfortunately for you, a “relationship” with them… is both.
My best revenge was ignoring my ex for years...one day, he asked our son how I was, how many other men had I dated...my son told him, "she's still alone and happier than I have ever seen her ". BOOM... MAJOR MELTDOWN!!! 😁👏👏👏👏👏 I so love my son for his blunt honesty.❤️
Learned a long time ago,the person that controls my emotions controls me...I don't let that happen anymore....No rent free living in my "head" for Narc's.
@@slackingoffagainGo cold Turkey- make a decision Not to go backwards and the action is done. I’m not saying you are not going to feel hurt or Want to Reach back- feel those feelings and tell yourself No. just like you would tell a child not to touch the burning flame. you will have to do this process as many times as it takes- days, weeks months, maybe the desire to reconnect will rear its ugly head years down the road,But just Don’t do it. It will get better!❤️🌈
It has worked for me. I had to quit making excuses for myself to slip back(negative self talk, “i’m codependent, just a short call, I miss him, just Some wine, beer”. Nope, No more excuses! Just don’t do it! Build on the self respect you get each time you deny yourself the urge to do something you Know is Not in your best interest.🥰
I’m so happy to find someone who understands that there’s a grieving process. It’s like the death of a loved one. It’s like they actually died and it puts a big hole in you. But then you realize they did you a favor because that person who you thought was there was never real. It was just a show and that’s why you were anxious all the time because no matter how hard you held on to them as a source of support they slipped through your fingers with their shape shifting. Because you are there for them to hold on to, not the other way around. My true love is a man who never existed at all.
@@lizh1988they do hurt themselves, I truly believe no matter the amount of material "success", ((which they think will bring them happiness)), no matter what~~~they are never truly content or happy. You can hurt them, if you choose, by constantly escaping their grasp, becoming unpredictable, and doing the unexpected. We, the target, were always the dependable ones, the ones who picked them up when they fell. They took advantage of our kindness, and no matter how much we gave, it was never enough, never truly appreciated. Even if they look ((to the outside world)) like they have moved on, they still wanna keep you in their back pocket, as an option. They fear being alone as they feed off of others opinions of them to build they very shallow, weak sense of self. They need accolades to feel good about themselves, like children constantly needing reassurance~~they are always attention seekers.
Ignore and remove all reliance on them (emotionally, financially, etc.). In my eyes, they are already dead. It’s the only way with certain toxic parents who taught you learned helplessness.
@@Freetothink Willow F's Mommy (or whomever) should definitely learn how to write a relative statement in reply to the lead post. Unless you're a stalker who got her meow meow feels hurt by a post on some other topic, and now Hiding behind a little girls page.
@@Freetothink You MUST know why your "toxic kids" are mad at you. They HAD to have told you. Either they told you and you ignored it, dismissed it "that never really happened, it wasn't that bad", then you need to accept the fact that YOU are the toxic person, and need therapy ASAP.
Attention and control is what they seek. Trying to fight back is giving them attention and it shows they have some control. Cutting them off and walking away from them is one of the worst punishments for them. They will further spiral downward and burn many bridges all on their own. Trying to fight them just makes you miserable.
So true, i have tried to reason with them many times and nothing. It’s like dealing with a child or someone who truly believes that they are never wrong but get very angry if you point this out.
FACTS. I came to the conclusion that it was a game not worth trying to understand. The pain and destruction they cause while you're still trying to figure out who they really are and why they behave this way is wasted energy.
It's really the only thing that's worked for me. When you learn to respect yourself as much you would a complete stranger, you realise that the narc just doesn't deserve any of your time. It takes a while and there will be lots of moments of doubt etc but eventually you see that you deserve to be at peace. And any contact with the narc can wreck that peace, it's what they're good at and we should never underestimate their abilities in that department. Just deny them the opportunity to get inside your head and after a long enough period of self work, they kind of cease to exist. You look back and think "did I actually put up with that crap?" It's a nice feeling.
That's what I've been doing, ignoring his texts, what should i do if i see him in person? If he comes and says hello, should i greet back or ignore tf outta him??
@@cottoncandace7704 absolutely, and better move the hell out of the town, new life new job some new friends that's a lot of new emotions that Will replenish all that energy the narcissist stole from you
@@cottoncandace7704 Be non committal, not cheerful, not angry. But get the hell away. If you want, keep a journal and say, I'm so thankful I got away from anymore abuse from that one today. To me any self talk and positive talk is helpful, any prayer or gratitude, small steps. Pray to see the tricks of the enemy so you know what to avoid. But also to see the things of God, because we need that to heal and grow.
I’ve been no contact for 3 weeks now. At the end of the second week, I grieved the loss of the illusion that I loved. I knew that person was dead and not coming back. Now I’m sticking strong to my boundaries and keeping my self respect
I hear this from almost 100 percent of people but idk maybe i went above abd beyond i certainly knew after the way she left and the pain she wanted to inflict that i knew i was goijg to stop at nothint to make sure i had a presentation that was undeniable and i did that its all on a hard drive. I havent used it to destroy her yet but if i ever have to its over done deal. I have sit fown conversation with former employers and co workwrs in which she hurt and humiliated everyone of them i have screen shots from guys she tried screwing when she was with me and she got denied but told me it happened so id be hurt. I have years worth of highlighted text messages in which th evil is so evident. Each of our situations are different but after a year of research i know my situation was definitely ranked among the more severe. There were actual paranormal events that took place her and j witnessed i woulf always joke we built on an ancient Indian burial ground. But i feel much more at peace knowing if she ever wants tk smear me or go to war i just hit the red button and its the end for her.
@@TherealDsizzle wow that's quite the "weapon of mass destruction" you're holding on to (along with a lot of negative energy) If you have a gift for someone but you don't give it to them,. Who does that gift belong to? I would suggest that 99% of people can't be wrong.. love and peace to you
If revenge is the motive to fuel someone to take the first step so they can begin to heal, how do you figure? It’s not like it can’t be used as a stepping stone if needed for the sick to leave the poisonous environment they are in so they can become better and then let go of it.
Never get revenge that doesn’t make you any better than what they did as they say two wrongs don’t make a right it’s like if you hold onto that anger what they did to you and try to get even with them you’re basically putting gasoline on them and putting a match to it Let go of that negative energy. That’s exactly what they want is for you to be angry her and upset they don’t care about you grieve the relationship take care of yourself and find peace go absolutely no contact if it is possible.
Attention is like currency to these people, would you keep giving money to a drug addict? It's great to see these people's reactions when you use the "gray rock" technique. Thanks Richard! I always learn from you.
Exactly! I walked away from my very sick Narcissist 21 years ago and never looked back, it saved my life! 110% cut of any and ALL contact and contact with other family members, if not, they will weasel their way back into your life through them! It's tough, I had to do what I did for ME! It drives them MADD! They can not manipulate or control you in any way! I moved clear across the country and never looked back!
I realised that being authentic and kind regardless of their behaviour irritated the shit out of them. They want control, by making you behave out of control and out of character. They also want to be able to be authentic and kind, but know they can’t, and seeing you be what they can never be is the best revenge. Stay you, stay in ❤
“The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injury” is attributed to Marcus Aurelius My mates stoicism really helped me a lot to come out of never ending loop of getting in and out of narcissistic relationship
Got to ask yourself why you would want revenge in the first place. Narcs love revenge. Means they are still your number 1 focus. Drop them & drop the need to get revenge.
Yeah. The idea that you are even thinking about them means you've already lost. It's like ex girlfriends talking about working out and getting a revenge body. Too late. He lost attraction because you gained weight and wouldn't lose it. Why should he care if you lose it later if you were never going to lose it for the relationship?
@@treasurethetime2463 that goes both ways..my x went from a stud to a dud.. lier and abuser who played GAMES all over.. alchoholic drunk and talking about cheat on me over and over..24 years of his garbage and sneaky ways for people to judge me when he says that I tried to jump from a truck.. REALLY, with 2 back surgeries from the monster...why did I not leave in the first place, because where was I supposed to go? there was no family and when he says the day you leave you DNT come back, but he said he treated me like a QUEEN. charging me money to sleep on the floor, when he was in the bed, the same monster who played victim all over... getting people against me for doing zero..
If revenge is your motive to get you to take the first steps so you can start to heal, so be it. Use it as a stepping stone then you can let go of the revenge part when your a little less sick yourself.
Spot on. And in other words, stay in your lane, focus on the things you want to happen in your life. And don't expect them to help you accomplish anything.
They get ANGRY when you ghost them....let them throw their tantrum.... piss on them and their mind games. You can only win by dropping them. You will feel MUCH BETTER ...IGNORE THEM !
Once I realized the man I was dating treated me the way he did was because he indeed was a narcissist. I chose to walk away. He continued to call and text. The only way was to remove him from my life. Best decision ever!
He’s not kidding he’s serious and he’s actually correct. These narcissists will not get offended like we do. They literally have no empathy. If u try to attack a narcissist with a knife or smash their car it won’t do anything to them. That’s what they would do to someone with empathy. Remember this! The only reason they are so evil is because they can get away with it. You on the other hand need to live a life well lived! Narcissists do everything in their power to stop you from being happy! SO GO BE HAPPY! Get out! Get money. Escape! Cut them off
@@peacejoy3629 Mostly I let God deal with that exposure, I pray that if the person has been warned and given time to repent, but not repented--then let them be exposed. When the time is right. Not necessarily through me. Often they fooled their relatives for a long time, so they need time to recover and grow. I pray for them from a distance. God has said I will put your enemy at your feet. He will, in HIS time. But you can pray a lot for protection from your enemy, to let him or her forget his plans. You need to get on with your life which does not mean being a pincushion anymore. God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble. We really really want revenge but we let out the anger and let God deal with it. Pray to see it happening.
Best revenge is to be the best version of yourself, transform the pain to power. It will destroy them seeing you thriving after throwing you under the bus.
Thank you Richard. Really needed that. I'm surrounded by narcissist. All the people I've loved and trusted and for whom I've spent my life. My husband, my sister, my brothers,my friends. People who I loved. I'm breaking away from all. Hoping to live with my children alone.
When you experience a consuming wrath it’s hard not to want revenge. But he’s right! There’s no justice to be had here. None whatsoever. Leaving and healing. Loads of parts of you have to die to heal. Very painful.
@@karenovalasiti2744 I agree we need to stay ahead of them because if they become vindicated as a malignant narcissist would be it could be bad. That is the worst type. They can be violent.
Unfortunately, the person doesn’t know that he/she is with a narcissist until the narcissist give the biggest destructive hit, and then after the victim is waking up from the enormous pain he/she gradually start to realize that he/ she was with a narcissist! I wish I was able to realize it earlier to be able to go to a therapist
Late is better than never. Don't beat yourself up for not having seen them for who they are sooner, they were wearing a mask meant to fool others, including you. That's beyond your reach. Going to therapy at any time after you learn of the narcissists patterns and how destructive they are is better than never going to therapy.
Hey man, it took me years and therapy. Very hard thing to do. When I got tired of being treated like crap, I told them they’d have to find someone else to treat like sh%!t because it wasn’t going to be me anymore. That plus getting older and learning from my mistakes.
Exactly what I did with my mother & sister. Two extraordinarily toxic people, I’d had enough and cut all contact. Never regretted it and my life has been so much better for it.
I did this to my ex and am telling you he comes looking for me using different numbers, he can’t stand that I have made him redundant and I am living a better life and working on myself
I needed to hear this today. Break off all contact. Grieve the relationship but go on with your own life. It is so hard to do, but you have to, to save yourself from further hurt.....and try not to think about them. Train your mind.
We have to feel it to heal it. Best way to dissolve pain is to face it. Like grief the only way through is through. See what is for what is incl our part. What about us was attractive and attracted to an energy and personality not healthy for us. What can we observe about ourselves w/o recrimination or analysis? No matter how far or fast we run our shadows are right behind us.
3 years ago I made that choice. Best thing one could do considering life will continue to give us the same lessons until we learn from it and move on. We must get rid of the weeds if we want something good to grow in their place. 🌻 P.s. Real love doesn’t punish what it loves.
Stop wasting YOUR time on them. Stop wasting YOUR energy on them. I had these words spoken to me yesterday and I feel SO much better today. I still feel sad and angry, but it's easier to push those feelings away and not let them control me every single day.
Leaving them and going completely no contact is the worst wound u can ever inflict. Doing positive things to improve ur self and ur life are healing and re÷establishing self worth are healing from the pain and the trauma bond for yourself it's practicing self love, self achievement for yourself. It's great if they find out or know u are doing this another wound but make it all about u and not them u are doing it for.
Going no contact/block is the best revenge. I also had to deactivate all social media where he hunts for prey. Focusing on myself and my career. Best decision I ever made.
Don't walk away for reasons of revenge - this keeps you in the game, psychologically. Do it for your own life and well being. Quieten the demons and take note of your own reality, your own fulfillment and your own needs and desires; autonomy is key.
The best revenge is to let go. Mean it. Love yourself enough to know you deserve better. Change your phone number change your address and stop talking to them. Except no phone calls.
That's what I've been doing, ignoring his texts, so what should i do if i see him in person? If he comes and says hello, should i greet back or ignore??
💯. Have dealt with way too many stalkers, harassers, you name it. I learned at an early age - ANY attention, is attention. Even my best friend flipping some off I'd have to curb. Lol Kept telling her - ANY attention is feeding that need in them. Negative or otherwise. Been trying to get my elderly mother to understand this. If someone is attempting even to get you to pick up the phone, or sending you mail. Trash, delete, block, move on. Do NOT engage in any single way at all. Admittedly sometimes it can take maaaaany years of remaining solid as a wall. I've done even the official routes with police and courts. Heck, I imagine my stalker ex still keeps checking on me. But if he pops up in my face, I block, and move on. There is no rationalizing with some, no engagement that may stop them or put them in their place. We're just showing them if you're persistent enough, eventually I'll cave and give in to your demands/control of my attention. Nope. Nada. Make em cease to exist and grow as a person, focus on self.
Indeed. Even "actively ignoring" them is still giving them significance in your life (I have previously made the mistake of living a life filled with "ex-girlfriend-shaped holes"), the key is true indifference where you think no more of them than you would of any stranger you passed on the street.
True story. My abusive ex was waiting for me yesterday and hurled a load of abuse. I got rid 20plus years ago. I dismissed him and ignored him. I was with my grandchild and he'd somehow discovered my regular routine. Then today, an ex from 30plus year's ago attempted to friend my daughter on fb. I ran from him and I have no idea how, but he found me a year later. Wtf is going on. How can they not move on after decade's. 🙄
@@susanplatt5331 how horrible! seems like maybe some sort of addictive/obsessive thing inside of them that latches on. More so to those who are capable of turning their back on them, and not with fury or otherwise. As the above said - we become indifferent, which is worse.
This is the BEST advice I’ve heard from anyone about dealing with narcs. Go on with your life, be happy, and that will really piss them off. That’s good revenge!
I agree with another commenter that all attention supplies them. It’s in our own interests to not waste our beautiful time chasing misery. Very few people are capable of the cold steel it takes to injure a malignant narcissist. But sorry Richard, it’s great for those of us that learned the dirtiest techniques from narcissists themselves.
I dealt with a malignant narcissist it got very nasty and scary, luckily I had good support around me and it was all ok in the end. The smear campaign is still ongoing but I don’t care I’m free away from this evil person.
@@markthornemarmaduke Lie detector tests proved that they are the liers and manipulators...you pass it around, other's see who was the victim and who played GAMES....lol...I walk with my head up higher because I survived SEPSIS, pancreatitis and 2 back surgeries with no control of a grown Adult and the family who lied from the beginning...what happens in the dark will come out to the light no one can mock Jeh God..
Your video's helped me so much understanding my whole situation better... I got rid of my narcissist, went to therapy, and after almost 2 years of struggling, I can finally say that I have recovered... God bless you! 🙏
Love how you brought up cognitive empathy. It is not talked about enough from my experience and research. Like they have empathy people.. just they use it to control not to understand or relate to others. At least from my experience.
@@kimr9378 don't want to argue semantics here...yes I agree...they are cognizant of the fact empathy exists...I am stating they don't have empathy...they use empathy...and we are both right...btw...I rarely take advice of known narcs ....
You need to focus on your individuation (being a healthy, self caring individual who doesn't put others need beforehand whilst maintaing his dignity and values) and face any memory, reaction or thought related to the narc as a remaining of their colonization in you, so must be avoided at all cost, must be purged out of your core (to do that you must heal your inner child, you must find the roots of your codependecy all the way from your childhood). I can't watch venom now without thinking it's a perfect representation of how narcs affect every fiber of a codependent who got marked as prey. I must say it helps when you define a mindset of not accepting bullshit from others anymore and becoming your own best friend. Healing this wound is part of your life journey, embrace it.
Yes, there are female narcs definitely and some heart broken men go on to abuse their next partner sadly. Both need to be in therapy to address the childhood trauma and heal. I am sorry you experienced that cruel game. I hope you are better/on the mend now, take care 🙂
Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing that. I'm a woman telling you this. They ( people with npd) don't change , other than to become more skilled at their sick delusional games. They live their whole lives as a lie. Love to a narc is what you can do for them and how it makes them feel in the moment. Nothing or no one is ever enough for them.That is not normal or a healthy way of thinking, nevertheless living. If she truly is narcissist you are out of your league as they ae beyond evil with zero conpuntion for their actions and zero concern for others boundries or damage left in their wake, financially, emotionally or otherwise. As well they are their own worst enemy, but you can't fix someone that doesn't see there is a problem. They won't self reflect. You deserve better, and while this world seems to be getting worse on the morals, ethics, and values side of things, there are still good people out there. If nothing else, peace trumps drama any day of the week. Keep researching narcissist abuse and its effects on others as it will help you to process it and move past the trauma it causes. Hang in there. While it sucks having gone through the fire, you will come out a stronger, wiser person, more trusting of your instincts and upholding of your boundaries. Be your authentic self. You will attract the right people and replell the rest, but just know there will be a lot of the rest. Not everyone deserves a seat at my table of life, and I'm now okay with that. I am enough. Look in the mirror and remind yourself of that, as you are enough. You are not alone, as there are others who get it. Sorry you had to experience it.
Refuse the narcissist permanently. It's the ONLY SOLUTION WHEN YOU ARE IN A NARCISSISTS LIFE. REMEMBER THEY ARE NOT IN YOUR LIFE, REALLY. THEY PRETEND ONLY.
I often wondered why he got married the second time around if he didn't want to be in my life, but spend his time drinking with friends, just come home to shower n sleep
I was raised by my narcissistic aunt, I never let her see my anger, kept a stoic face. I engaged in things that made me happy. I grew plants in the house, because she was so addicted to smoking that made the house stink. I learned to sew my clothes as well my little sisters clothes. I saved $$ from the chores I did around the house. Finally graduated from high school, got my own job, apartment, bought my own car. Mom was so mad!! When carrying out my last box out to my car she said “ You will never make it on your own, you’ll be back in 3 months. I whirled around and said”Watch Me!” And drove away. ❤
Thank you after 20 years of Narcs. Abuse relationship and a child he’s still act like single he’s randomly invited us for a dinner I’ll text him back my response was “ sorry we’re out of town” . I’ll know behind the wall my tears it’s like a dry river , time to love myself and focus on humanitarian Aid traveling across the globe !
and they hide traces and any evidence of their fake love and even change jobs. am in this exact situation now and silence treatment and confusion I want to expose him don't want it to slip like this but a part of me just says to move on peacefully am so confused
As a person with many narcissistic traits and who was fearful and dismissive avoidant at some point: the best way is to not engage in arguments, implement strict no contact, move on, do great, don’t show much about your life so you keeps us guessing . When we show up apologizing months after is the best time to really negotiate your boundaries, bring accountability and explain what’s important, unacceptable, hurtful . Sometimes we really don’t know how vad we make people feel. We think our actions and words are justified. If we truly have feelings for you we will really do the work. No contact is key to allow time for seld reflection, regret and remorse
Focus on ourselves and ignore them. Make it about ourselves again. Stop trying to figure them out. They are puddles, not oceans. You wouldn't waste months and years trying to figure out what's going on with some puddle. The ocean is US!! We're the tide!! We're the ones with the Pulse and the lifeblood of the planet coursing through our Souls!! ❤
That's the irony, there's nothing wrong with making your life about yourself, but we end-up so disgusted by their selfish self-centredness that we can "retroject" their character flaws onto ourselves such that we end-up feeling like we are the narcissist if we "dare" have any concern for our own happiness/wellbeing.
THAT is powerful. A visualization that nails it. Fabulously clarifying. It’s 9pm and I will have a peaceful sleep holding the puddle in my mind. Thank you for sharing this fabulous insight💕
Very beneficial video. Understanding The narcissist has helped me tremendously to move on with my own life. It's difficult when the narcissists are two of your sisters, but they deserve each other, and I deserve to be happy.
