Your videos ended up helping me too not just the kids. I have always been shy and introverted. I have always hated it as never like speaking to people and people think i dont like them but infact i would do anything for them. I notice my son being shy and want to make sure he does not go through all the shyness I did. Your video will help us both. All your videos are amazing.
Love your example of the swimming pool! Perfect timing! My 3 year old (who screams/cries at people who talk to her, that she doesn't know) had her first swimming lesson today, and I told her "I know you can be so brave today and get in the water, follow the instructors lessons, and let them help you in the water." I challenged her, and gave her an incentive, "you can pick out a prize today (she decided a toy at the dollar store) if you get in the water and listen to your instructor, but only if you do." There was a bit more prep to today's events, but the incentive was just a great way for her to push past her fear response. She smiled, laughed and did everything the teacher asked her to...a complete stranger!! What a relief, and what success! Normally she reacts, refuses, and has nightmares about the incident that night. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
Sir, thank you so much. Just came across this video. I am a mother of my 5 y.o son who has personalities that you have addressed here. We do not get practical advice from our community but a lot of criticism. Your approach of dealing with a shy child has been truly helpful. Appreciated. As I am determined that my son will overcome this barrier overtime, I also know that this is a hard battle for me and him. Thank you and I am subscribing. Nepal.
I'm glad I saw this video Because I have a toddler who avoids every single thing . And recently I started to put him into challenges and not rescue him . Like : you go close the door yourself , or you go sit on the dining chair yourself . And then leave him alone to do that alone and not hearing his whining and asking help. And sometimes I was feeling bad or cruel.
First of all if I had you as my psychology teacher I would pass the class with honors 😂😭😅 cause you are really engaging !!! Now that’s what I call a skill
You are doing an amazing job, lots of prayers to you for sharing such useful info fpr free. Please share some more videos on Selective mutism, ADHD in kids too.. and how to make them eat on their own for extremely picky eaters, and how to control our anger with kids and how to be patient with them. I am asking a lot, the videos on parents too would be highly Appreciated.
Thank you for the suggestions tech savy. I will put those on our production list. In the mean time, check out the Positive Parenting playlist here on the channel. I hope you find these to be helpful! DrPaul
This is a good one especially with the virus. I’m finding my once very social outgoing child is now becoming shy and withdrawn. While I’m sure some of it is becoming a teen the other is not having exposure to their peer group as they once did. High school is a new experience and kids feel very alone as they get to know people and you can’t even get to know people. It’s sad. All of their “social” exposure is online which does not give you that true human connection.
This was an amazingly helpful video. I will definitely implement the steps to overcome shyness with my grandkids. I love it!!! Thank you for sharing. 😊❤️
Solid advice...Thanks Dr Paul. I think my wife and I rescue our boys too often from the consequences of their choices and steal away the learning opportunity they could have had.
Great! You have a great way of simplifying the inner psychological things so that we can understand ourselves more. Keep it going. Your videos have a really good impact.
I was happy to have this specific video pop up on my feed tonight. I will work on utilizing the steps you gave, in future situations that I can help in. Right now, I'm hearing that my kindergartender is very shy at school. I'm not sure how I can help or what is causing it. I know she has some anxiety and can easily talk herself out things. I also know that this is her first year going to a bilingual school. Just not entirely sure where or how I can help. I watch her at gymnastics and notice she has a hard time remaining focused. She listens for a bit but her attention kind of wonders. It looks like she wants to approach socializing with others but she avoids it and why I'm not sure. She's very outgoing with her sister and close friends.
I'm honored Laura - thanks for being here and for helping to spread the word! We just launched daily videos in November with only 200 subscribers. Today we've got over 3K, and counting. Glad you're finding it helpful. Thank you! DrPaul
i think one of the reasons is that a lot of people seek mostly entertaitment and the other reason is that it is hard to face one's problems, it feels easier to just run away from it. and it is hard process and work to get your stuff together, being lazy and not aware is just easier immediately.
i am glad that i found your useful videos, thanks a ton..these are so helpful,bcz both my kids 7 n 4 r very shy, love your advice, May Allah reward u for ur efforts..
Dr Paul, would you please consider to do a video on how to help a child who has been rejected by his/her friend in school? My daughter’s handmade bouquet of paper flowers was rejected by her friend whose birthday just passed. She was been told the present was ugly and unwanted. She came home feeling so sad and depressed. :(
Dang, that hurts! Let's teach our kids to be respectful no matter what. I'm sorry that happened to your daughter. Since we can't guarantee that our kids will be treated with respect, I think our next best option is to fortify them so they are ready to deal with it. I've added your request to our filming docket - stay tuned! DrPaul
Yesi Can I’m so sorry. It hurts. I think I over taught my young son how to be kind and respect others only to find out that not all kids know anything about either in school. And it’s heart breaking to see kids being so cruel and it defeats what we try to instill in our child and I worry that my son will turn to acting like them too, or that he will feel different and unwanted/rejected at school. I’m at a loss
Omg that is horrible, you should tell her that people don't need to tell her if what she made was pretty or not, if she likes it then its beautiful, and that friend should be grateful that your daughter even thought of that friend, but be sure that your daughter doesn't become rude to that friend because she's angry, because if that friend sees that your daughter isn't effected, than she will know that no one can tear her down, even though I didn't see what she made, tell her I'm sure it's gorgeous and very creative❤️
I hope you can make some more videos about the relationship between the wife and her husband. And all the conflicts that they go through due to their differences. And specially, when one of them have a mental illness or depression, which affect the other spouse greatly that it might be transmitted to her/him actually!
Yes! Ghada Assem, I have a playlist set up with about a dozen of those videos now, with more to come. Here you go: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-re0ZcT1VVFE.html DrPaul
Great idea about ice-cream ordering. I wish you would give some more ideas we parents could use. Unfortunately, today's society is growing more and more people with social phobias due to self-service shops, self-checkouts, cash machines, Internet, email, text messages and social media. We can do many things without talking directly to people so when we do have to speak it might be paralyzing for some. Too much tv watching, game playing without real conversations at home doesn't help either. I have a shy child, and I am quite a shy person myself so I do not perhaps give him many examples to copy, that should be addressed too. Kids copy their parents. Luckily my husband is not shy at all.
Great tips. Regarding the icecream ordering example is it better to go the next day to the same shop the same people or is it just about the experience itself that will make him more comfortable
My dad used to take me to the snack bar at my brother's baseball games and give me $2.00, which was a lot of money back then, to buy whatever I wanted....BUT I had to talk to the cashier, ask for what I wanted, and engage in small talk that my dad had set up. Dad would sit in the bleachers so I could not beg him to speak for me over at the snack bar. It was brutal and I refused to do it again and again! Ha! But he kept offering it each time my brothers had a baseball game, and eventually I ordered nachos, a soda, and candy. Finally, I overcame some selective mutism that year. That experience gave me the confidence to speak more at school too. I have no idea how my dad knew to do that, but I'm so glad he did because it was the first year that I started to really talk to other kids and make friends at school.
I found this to be very valuable! I have one question on allowing them to feel the consequences: why did you say not to let the child have a chance to retry the task immediately, but rather wait a day or two? Thanks!
Thank you, Stephen Vignere, I am glad you found value in the video! I don't necessarily think it would be bad to let the child try again immediately. I believe that if the child is in fight or flight mode, or if they just "failed" at something, they will not want to attempt the task again right away. Giving them a day or two before trying a second time gives them a chance to review the situation in their head and imagine a better outcome. Parents can definitely help with this by talking through what the child needs to do in order to get what they want.
I'm struggling with my 2kids (9 years old twin) with the same issue. They just talk with their few friends. In school they don't ask any question, just answer the teacher when asked. I'm felling helpless😭. I will try this technique.
Great video !!! I would like to ask abt the 3rd steps of stressing approach-avoidance. what if the educator or teacher wants the kid to take approach quicker instead of waiting for next time(especially few times after the kids still felt shy). We teach children dancing and performance, some children were a bit too shy to be interactive and engaging, which resulting in the learning outcome may not ideal. They do practice and learn, but the shyness (or perhaps introvert) slows their learning process. How would you suggest to improve this situation? Thank you !!
chen parco, thank you for watching. If you can look at the child as an individual (even though it is a group setting), you can see that progress is being made and feel successful about what you are able to accomplish. It might not be where the other kids are at, but they are participating and learning. Having said that, you can try a different approach and see if the outcome is more what you are wanting.
Yeeess! And your example of swimming is one fearful thing I was wondering how to help him with. Okay, this year I won't try to get him in the water as that made it worse. I can't wait to try the money with a rock and bag thing. I think in a plastic jar with a tight lid would be better, don't want it to get wet. A really big rock to make it stay put, as is this outdoor lake.
Interesting video. Love how you pointed out when a kid wants something they can learn from the experience of the consequence of not asking. Both of my parents were shy kids and I wonder do we get the shy gene ? Not Being a painfully shy kid I don't think I would have gotten so good at chess and playing music. Can you imaging a shy kid moving to a rough neighbor hood at 12 years old? Not feeling like I fit in has plagued me most of my life . I know ppl that grew up shy like myself that were constantly ridiculed and moved to New York City where it’s pretty cool to be different...
It is human nature to want to fit in somewhere, William Ridley. We need to be accepting of others so they can reach their potential, whatever that may be.
My 4 year old is very shy and will not participate in sports or other activities with children he isn’t extremely familiar with. He just stands in place while all of the other kids run around and play. How can I help encourage him to engage in activities with other children his age?
mdc5031, I am not sure what activities you are talking about, but to get him familiar with the activities you could play with him so he feels more confident.
Thank you very much. Very informative. I have experienced shyness in my childhood which adopted after watching a TV series. The main character was shy, so I wanted to be like her. Initially I was a very confident kid. But my choice changed me and my life. following series of left behind and being taken for granted scenarios. I changed when I was in my 30s. Now my daughter,a very smart kid. But she is very shy, and is often bullied by friends. How should I help her overcome her shyness. Thank you.
You are welcome, Habiba Usman. Thank you for watching Live On Purpose TV. I have another video called "How To Help A Shy Child Make Friends At School" - ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-pPKW5654Y6E.html. I don't know if anxiety is an issue here, but we also have this video: "Helping Kids With Anxiety" - ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-Bm9m2zGs1I8.html. This may also help: "How To Deal With Bullies At School" - ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-YcDhkqBcgp0.html. Please remember that shyness is not necessarily a "bad" thing. It sounds like you overcame it, and she might too, but no matter what - let her know you love her.
Your videos are really great! So interesting to understand the problem itself and how to deal with it. I have a serious problem with my son, and i was wondering if you could help us by making a video about the subject? He was always a very kind child and easily played and became friends with everyone. Since some months he goes to school and gets teased by the other boys. He doesn’t know how to defend himself and becomes very sad about it. On top of that he now started to tease his little sister. How can we help him to learn how to defend himself and not to tease others? (6 yrs old)
Check the parenting playlist. I have done a couple on bullying and looking at some on sibling rivalry. Let me know if you don't find what you need, Fatemeh Harreman.
Thank you so much for this video My son is exactly what you've described his teacher always complains that he doesn't answer her questions or participate in class activities any idea of what kind of challenge I might do with him?
It is tough to say since I have not met your child, blue times. Get together with the teacher and talk about it. Chances are, between the two of you, you could come up with some ideas.
Thanks I need some guidance with my 6 year old; he's not shy at home but around strangers or when he asks for something. I'll set a challenge like the icecream example you used.
Sir, my 3 years old daughter doesn't want to talk to any neighbor . When we go outside home, she hold my dress tightly and hide behind me. Now the neighbors know her nature and when we go outside they make fun of my daughter saying that ' o look here comes the shy girl ha ha ha '. Hearing this my daughter feel more insecure and cries. What should I do ?
VIJAY laxmi, it isn't an atmosphere where she is going to feel comfortable. Perhaps you could invite a child into your home and she might feel more comfortable in that scenario. Then she might have a friend to play with when she goes outside and it won't be just taunting her.
Hi Faiz Alquraihi - all of our strategies need to be fit to the developmental stage of our kids. Three year olds are still primarily in what we refer to as stage one. More videos to come regarding working with specific ages of kids. DrPaul
Hi, what do you do if your child doesn’t participate or do the challenge meaning doesn’t order or talk to strangers? We are going to try again but I want to be prepared.
Children need to feel comfortable enough to talk to someone so it may take many attempts for them to feel familiar enough with the surroundings to speak. Thank you for commenting, tenz kus.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV wow thank you for ur response:) my son has expressive language delay and he was doing very well with speech therapy and school but right at that time covid happened and everything is closed:(
My child is very shy, especially in school, he feel him inadequate , incapable to do something even though he is very talented , I think he feel he must do everything perfectly, perfectness make him feel incapable
I understand how you feel, Huseyin Dama. Some children feel the pressure more than others naturally. I am sure you let him know you love him, no matter his grades.
Great question, jisha khan. They are very similar and can even be used interchangeably. Basically they both mean that the child can talk but chooses not to in certain situations (usually social). Here are a couple more videos to explain each one further: "How To Help A Child With Selective Mutism" - ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-yAghfNE8G70.html "How To Help A Shy Child Make Friends At School" - ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-pPKW5654Y6E.html Thanks for watching Live On Purpose TV.
Hi. I watched you video and I loved the way you do. Can you help me. I have a boy who is 6 year old and he very shy. So he couldn’t talk with adults or teachers at school. That’s make me worry a lot. Because the teach couldn’t assess him. Please help.
This isn't the first time the school has seen this, Lien Skrinis. Be calm, see if there is a speech pathologist or someone at the school who can work with him. Also, talk to your pediatrician and be patient. Your child will start talking.
I adopted a 2 yr old who is now 5... I put her in cheer. She’s the youngest on the team. Everyone else is 6-7 yrs old. She loves practice and knows all the cheers and dances better then her peer cheerleaders. Unfortunately at her first public event(pep rally) She had a major meltdown and we had to get her and leave. I told her it was ok and a week later at her first Jamboree she froze again and refused to cheer at the game. The coaches were noticeably annoyed and removed her from the sideline. She had to sit down the rest of the game. Shes small so she can’t verbally explain what’s goin on. I’m so sad for her. I don’t wanna pull her out and make her think it’s ok to quit when something is hard.. I’m fine with her just practicing and siting in the stands with me during games... I mean I paid $250! Why can’t she??!! But I can tell everyone is annoyed and they’d rather we just leave the team... Note:: She does great in school... Great in small groups... This has only happened when she’s center stage , without me, and expected to perform. Should I take her out? Or just let her practice and enjoy herself.. and hold my ground with her coaches?
Well im a shy kid on school(i dont even talk),and yes im forever alone and whenever theres a group activity im alone or my teammate doenst exist But idc i do it alone
misscaty and cats, I'm not sure I believe that. Would you consider taking advantage of our free, 25 minute breakthrough call with one of our Live On Purpose coaches? If that sounds interesting to you, you can schedule it here: www.drpauljenkins.com/breakthroughcall
