My parents got divorced when I was much younger, I live with my grandparents and my brother lives lives with my father and stepmom. I noticed that my brother tends to stay away from girls even if they’re much younger than him (he’s 10/11) and I thought he just didn’t wanna be judged for hanging out with girls (which is stupid but lots of boys tend to have that mindset) but then I realised that he doesn’t have a woman who is present and involved in his life since our mother left us and our stepmom is horrible to us (despite me not living with her) so I decided that it’s my responsibility to provide my brother with the help that he needs when it comes to his mental health, building his confidence, setting future goals…etc. Thank you for this video. ❤️❤️❤️
To be honest, it's a great point that decorating positive thoughts and loved ones. It means to say to deal with much helpful ones. Does it mean we do ignore negative thoughts?
We will probably all have negative thoughts, but we do not have to BELIEVE those negative thoughts or take action on the thoughts. We can acknowledge them but not define ourselves by what our monkey minds say to us. THanks Quenby
Great content! I needed a tool like this for a particular client. I am wondering if you can make a video about counseling a teen with extremely religious/legalistic/authoritative parents who cannot choose much in life. Client cannot pick clothes, books, shoes, school electives, friend….parents go through the teens things so client cannot journal. Clients self esteem & efficacy is very low. 😬 thank Q
Thank you for this feedback. One of the biggest challenges as a Therapist working with teens is that we can do great work with the kids but then they return home sometimes to unhealthy environments. Perhaps a session with the parents for parenting education and support is in order? QUENBY
No I do not. I do work with children and teens on the spectrum but with kids we called "asperger's" previously. It's not an area of expertise for me. Thanks Quenby
Awesome. I apply the exact same process, however before these three steps, it feels for me the real work is done. We go back to the experiences where the negative (self critical) thoughts rooted. This makes these final three steps about 95% more effective (transformed thinking actually sticks). So: self critical talk often flourishes in homes where the parents or brothers/sisters are (self) critical. To truly help the children, you need to find the role models conditioning the child and the experiences in which the thinking rooted. And help the role models first
Excellent points! In about 50% of my clients, the parents or guardians are unavailable, unwilling or unable to be involved with the therapy, so we work with what we have. The hope is to Build these kids up, and help them feel good about themselves. Thanks! Quenby
This is such a freaking awesome video! This helped me immensely. My 4 year old has recently started a bit of negative talk and I was really searching for something that would suit us and this is it. You’re great! . 🥰♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
Hi, thanks so much for your helpful videos! I’m from nz and our 13year old is having some behavioural problems at school. He tends to have a very pessimistic negative view of everything including other people. How can I help him to observe/notice his own negative thoughts? This video you did was great, but is based on an adult identifying the negative thoughts to the child. Can you do a video of how they can identify their own thoughts? Thanks so much!
Incredibly helpful, thank you. I'm a trainee counsellor working in a primary (elementary) school and have learnt so much from your videos! Rhiannon (London) x
Thank you so much for sharing this video. I watch most of your videos and it helps me a lot. I would appreciate if you could make a video on how to work with teenagers who have strong fear of losing people in their life ( family, friends, etc.) Many thanks!
Thank you so much for saying so. Okay I will think on this topic. my 1st thought is thta I would work on it same way I treat any fear or anxiety. Teaching the teen how to tolerate sensations of fear and the unknown. Thanks Quenby
@@thegratefultherapist thank you so much for posting your videos. My daughter is 9 years old and she has drastically change. She has a big fear or loosing me and my husband. This came out of now where and she is crying on a daily basis while she is in school. She is also refusing to eat. I am able to get a few bites out of her but I am very concerned and I don't know how to help me. Do you have any advice?
If your child is very pessimistic, they could probably benefit from counseling. Ask your school counselor or your insurance company to refer you to someone. Basically, the child has to learn to identify negative thoughts and choose new thoughts. It just takes practice and is totally doable.
Hi thank you for this content. Is it possible to do a video on helping kids with their school stress? I work with high school students as a counselor and I’ve been working with cbt and negative emotions and trying to get to the root however I feel they need more immediate relief dealing with their school hw and assignments. There’s a lot of procrastination, low motivation, and overwhelm with the bigger projects and assignments
Yes I def hear you. Part of CBT is teaching people how to be more productive and problem solving, in addition to working on their thoughts around stress. They may need immediate help with managing the work, as well as help emotionally. Procrastination can be thought of as avoidance if you are looking through the CBT lens. It's also fear based. I do some CBT and like it but its not my go to. Quenby
@the Grateful Therapist : Thank you fo much for this video. I'would love to see a video about how you conduct your first intake session with a child to make it fun, safe and engaging
Thanks for the idea! I am uploading a video now about therapy with little boys & active kids. I always do the 1st session with the parent/guardian and I get ideas from them about what the child likes so I can be prepared.
When I go into a school to work with students, I need to respect the school's needs and so I ask them what duration is best. Usually, I get 30 mins our so with a student. If they came to my office it would be the full 50. Thanks Quenby
Hi Quenby! I love your channel & content and recently discovered your Etsy shop (letter writing template was sooooo helpful!). Do you have any tips and techniques for working with siblings who are frequently bickering & genuinely seem to dislike each other? Thanks!
I have def seen this sibling issue with clients in family therapy. Honestly, I think it is often an issue to work on with THE PARENTS first. I can't say what is going on with the family you are working with, but If it were me, I would want to talk with the parents/guardians about what guidelines , rules, boundaries are set up with the kids. What are the consequences if one kid hits the other? How is it handled or managed by the adults? Parents need to do whatever they can to foster a healthy safe sibling environment. I don't know. That is where I might start. xo Quenby
Can these tips and suggestions that you gave for a therapist be used by a parent with their children ? I have a teenage daughter who is going through stress, anxiety and perfectionist, and we live in another country, and she learns in the local language. Language of the country we live is not a problem, but our family structure is itself mixed culture, and we did have issues between the spouse, I am also getting into healing myself, and I tried asking people around for counselors..but I as a teenager was a stubborn rebel who would shut down, but my teen daughter is an aggressive rebel. And she had to face so many issues adjusting to different places. Now she projects her fear on our 8 year old son ....We as parents know that her fear is from her perspective, and our family tiffs did have a challenge. I ended up enrolling for diploma in counseling, and I know for a fact that family members cannot counsel their children, because we have emotions attached. However, because I have started getting a lot of awareness, I want to know whether I can use these techniques to mold it into my parenting. Can you please put up a video on this where we can help as parents, although we may be therapists or counselors. Even if I get a counselor in school, I know that she will not open up easily, and I am letting her vent and show anger, as earlier she would shut down totally. So, I am holding space for her anger, because she does voice her opinions, yet this yelling and anxiety if prolonged can cause a long term damage on her. So I would like to know if you can help in any way through your videos on this, given the fact that I will still take time to get a counselor, and the place where we live is a little conservative and has some rigid beliefs. So, I am working on healing myself so that I can hold space and try to understand her better. Right now she is not ok with sitting and have a talk with me, so I have to be patient.
I loved the video. It’s very simple but very useful and practical. I have a 16 year old daughter that doesn’t want to take therapy after me and her mom separated . How can I help her open up and share all the stuff that she tends to bottle up inside? Thanks a lot.
I think how to do an assessment on child and adolescent counseling would be quite great. Together with interventions to proceed with In different scenarios. Dealing with highly sensitive children. Depression. Abandonment. Neglect. Separation anxiety. Whinny behaviour.
Thank you for the video. I am preparing for practicum, and I do have a question. The comments you made after the client said they stink and nobody likes them. Your answers or actual question is a great response. On the other hand, if the comments were culturally based, correcting them could cause a rift in the familial structure. Parents may tell their children they are failures because they are not doing well in school. Is there a way to build the child's self-worth without dividing the family?
If I had to, I would bring the parents in to talk about this. My goal is to bring families closer together, not to divide. That said, I do not support any parent calling their child a "failure" . Both the kid and the parents might need support and education, while respecting their cultural views. Thank you!
Sure. I have videos on anxiety and negative thinking on the channel. You might want to look into the connection between being a perfectionist and anxiety. Thanks Quenby
@@thegratefultherapist Yes. I agree. My daughter is 15. She wants things to be perfect, wants things to happen according to plan and often times she has a difficult time dealing with hard or challenging situations. When she is under stress , she gets anxious and at times, she has some mild Obsessive compulsive behaviors to cope with the negative thoughts (ex. In her bathroom she would arrange a lotion bottle for instance 3 or 4 times. She told me that she does that when a negative thought comes and for it to go away she thinks putting the lotion bottle in the perfect place will stop the bad thought from becoming reality (an example would be “if I don’t arrange the bottle the right way I’m going to have a bad grade…) I try my best to teach coping skills and also problem solving skills. To deal with the negative thoughts, I gave her a coping strategy to reroute the bad thoughts. Please share some tips. Thank you. I just started watching your videos 2 days ago and I love them. Please share
I don't know enough about the situation to reply. The 1st thing I thought if when I read your comment was to bring the dad into therapy. Facilitate a conversation between the dad and child. Quenby
