For a lot of people, joining a conversation isn't really the problem. The bigger issue is joining a group. If you're at a gathering and looking for people to talk to, it can be very difficult to know how to approach a group of people whom you do not know who are already involved in conversation without seeming to barge in or, in the other extreme, being so hesitant that you put off an air that makes people not want to talk to you. Even when the point is mixing and getting to know people, some find it very difficult to overcome their natural self-consciousness, take a deep breath, and walk up to a group of strangers and ask to join the conversation. Techniques for approaching others, whether individuals, groups of two to four, or larger groups (obviously easier) would be a good topic.
Your title did not address joining a conversation. You are talking about interacting in a conversation. But if a conversation has started and you walk up, how do you join without feeling awkward or intrusive.
You wait to be selected by a speaker, or you wait for a silence and then self-select to contribute meaningfully to the conversation while staying on topic. Observe everyone's body language. If it looks like they are blocking you, find a different group to join. If their body language creates an open space for you to join, then respectfully spend a few minutes to just listen in, introduce yourself when prompted by a speaker and say something encouraging about the conversation that shows that you were listening. Then contribute for a few minutes and "yield the floor" by either selecting the next speaker through a relevant and appropriate question, or stop talking so that someone else can chime in. Hope this helps. Oh, I just realized that you wrote the question 11 months ago. If you got your answer in the meantime, I hope my answer might help someone that stumbles on this conversation. Thanks for your good and relevant question.
@@fd4511 Thanks for the response. My question was spawned from your title. Great videos, btw, thank you for all your efforts and knowledge that you share.
@@InNOWvations Thank you for your kind words but I'm not the video nor channel owner. I was just commenting to help out based on what I understood from this video and another one I saw previously. I'm glad you find it helpful. I just started following this channel. Thanks for contributing because we help each other with meaningful questions and answers.
I tried to join a conversation in a discord group with a casual presentation and a hello and a guy commented "wow what an introduction" well, LoOkS LiKe Im dEleTiNG mY AcCoUnT
A gist of the presentation, and couple additional thoughts: Wait to be selected by a speaker, or wait for a silence and then self-select to contribute meaningfully to the conversation while staying on topic. Before that, observe everyone's body language. If it looks like they are blocking you, find a different group to join. If their body language creates an open space for you to join, then respectfully spend a few minutes to just listen in, introduce yourself when prompted by a speaker and say something encouraging about the conversation that shows that you were listening. Then contribute for a few minutes and "yield the floor" by either asking a relevant and appropriate question to the same person who invited you into the conversation, or stop talking so that someone else can chime in. Listen more than you speak and take opportunity to get to know everyone. If their interests resonate with you, exchange the contact details and follow up. Learn how to disengage from the conversation gracefully and respectfully. Read the body language and let people disengage when it's clear that this is their intent. If it's a large party, mingle with other groups or individuals and avoid hanging onto any one group for too long, unless you're required to by cultural norms and circumstances.
Thank you, Bruce! One frustrating thing about video calls is how hard it can be to self-select. I think it's because people can't see where other speakers are looking, and they can't hear when someone takes a breath.
Thanks so much for this video; I think these rules and tips have given me more insight of what should be expected from social interactions. However, this info has created some begging questions: How do I join a conversation if the people speaking fail to notice my presence and my attempts to socialize with them? Also, how do I decipher a conversation without feeling too intrusive? Sometimes it can be awkward to deliberately stand next to and listen to a conversation. I always worry of making a bad impression, which could be the reason for my awkwardness. I hope these make sense
In short, chose to do something in life that fascinates you, and that others will want to hear about. Join a sports club and compete in a league. Accept invitations to parties. Keep a journal that helps you record and remember interesting stories from your life. Learn techniques for memorizing names, dates and phone numbers. Call people when you say you'll call them. Find out interesting and safe places to go out with friends. Plan out your year, months and weeks ahead. Learn to dance classical and modern dances, but just enough to be confident in social situations. Learn proper grooming or see a barber. Hire a fashion stylist for your wardrobe, and ask how to combine your outfits and accessories. Watch comedians and learn what jokes are appropriate in various situations. Learn how and why humor works, and then practice and be willing to embarrass yourself. Don't take yourself too seriously, but don't denigrate yourself either with a negative self talk. Start with a conservative humor at your own expense, based on hilarious experiences that most can relate to. Read classics and modern literature, remember the most important points and titles of books you're reading. Same with music. Know the basics of classical and modern philosophy and apply in your life what resonates with you. Be interested in people around you, and how to nonverbally communicate your interest and encouragement in conversation. Take a seminar or a class in interpersonal communication. All of these things listed above will give you authority and confidence. At the end of the day only ask yourself "what went well" and strive to do more of that next day. Don't dwell on errors because they're part of learning. Just go out and interact again. Everyone learns with practice. Hope this helps.
More to the main point of your question, you wait to be selected by a speaker, or you wait for a silence and then self-select to contribute meaningfully to the conversation while staying on topic. Observe everyone's body language. If it looks like they are blocking you, find a different group to join. If their body language creates an open space for you to join, then respectfully spend a few minutes to just listen in, introduce yourself when prompted by a speaker and say something encouraging about the conversation that shows that you were listening. Then contribute for a few minutes and "yield the floor" by either asking a relevant and appropriate question to the same person who invited you into the conversation, or stop talking so that someone else can chime in.
Bruce, this is incredibly insightful, thanks so much. I think making a video like this for showing examples for those on the Autism Spectrum could be so helpful. Any chance?
@@HowCommunicationWorks Sorry for the late reply. I think definitely a roleplay and if feasible, maybe showing how and where it might fit into your various hackey sack, face and multiple role identity analogies could be hugely helpful for many with ASD, both children and adults. Just an idea, but instead of people using solid objects and doing role play communication between the objects (especially while referencing Irvin's and your analogies during the interaction/pragmatics etc). I've seen some approaches (one a 'lego' based pragmatics approach for ASD) proving hugely valuable to follow & helping to form abstract concepts because of it's concrete nature. I think done with your analogies it could make it so much easier to apply flexibly too.
Another point about face-to-face versus texting is that since everybody texts, using face to face feels different from how it used to and requires the initiator to establish some kind of rapport for fear of seeming intrusive.
Interesting, although, what about in a Group chat where people are having a conversation, you type something like "Hi" or "Hello" or "Whats goin' on?" and nobody Says anything and your Basically invisible? What do you do then?
Group texts are not conversations in the same way that face to face conversations are. They do not operate by the same rules. I face to face conversations, access to the floor moves back and forth with turn-taking. There can be no overlapping talk and no long silences. But in a group text there is no conversational floor. People don’t have to participate at all. And the rules of turn taking don’t really apply. The situation you describe sounds really painful, and I don’t have an easy answer. I might try moving to one on one texting, or even better, phone or face to face conversations.
It acrually makes it supprizingly almost easier, just read what's going on and what everyone is saying at start to state your opinions and just start talking about what their talking about. People won't not read your messages and if your seemingly in the same conversation thay'll reply most likely. :)
You can almost always hear someone come to the end of a sentence when they have to take a breath. If they really are to stop talking that's the time when you should interject. Train yourself to listen for these completion points. Normally they're going to be at the end of a sentence or the end of a turn or the end of a thought. One way to interrupt is to ask a question. Good luck and tell me how it works out.
8:00 easy... they aren’t really listening or they are really familiar and invested in the conversation... you know which by the quality of their turn... usually they just want to talk and not listen... my experience...
I really want to get this out my chest so here you go: So i was trying to make some friends in school, and surprinsingly enough i started talking with this super outgoing kid, that had a group of friends i didnt know. So he just kind of pushed me to the circle saying"wassup guys, this is felipe" and so there das an awkward silence, they didnt even look at me and went back to talk. Now THATS what i call being invisible
I think what happened was, according to this very insightful video, the guy gave you the floor when he said "wassup guys, this is felipe". This is the time for you to take the floor and continue with introductions. You should have said something like "Hey guys. How are you?" and after that maybe continue with a question or a little bit about yourself. Depending on what is relevant. In short, what I want to say, don't despair, you can learn it like anything else. Just practice a lot. It will get easier and eventually become second nature.
It must be terrible to feel invisible or ignored. My first instinct is to say to find new friends who will me more inclusive and respectful. But I think this thing you're describing happens to everyone at one time or another. One tip you might try is to ask a question. It's much harder to ignore a question than to ignore a statement. Also, trying using someone's name when you ask the question. Both of those strategies together will make it harder to ignore you. Try it and come back and tel me if it worked. Good luck.
Same, I have karate class and there's a group of adults there, (im 12 and the youngest) and I feel like they will ignore me for my age, I have extreme social anxiety and I sound like age 3 year old choking on a drumstick when I talk to people, but the funny thing is, they talk to kids and they don't seem to mind but when I talk what I say goes in one ear and out the other 😢
That third one sounds like a narcissist and that’s the last person I want to spend my time around. I know three people off the top of my head that qualify for that and I intentionally avoid them. 😅
I think I take a bit too long to realize that no one has the floor and therefore I could speak. Often, when I do get it, someone else already started speaking. If I'm on an unlucky day, I'll start speaking pretty much at the same time that the other person did, which is pretty embarrassing. I think that's something that makes me anxious in group interactions- I either have to be really focused on noticing the silences in order to speak (which compromises how well I can pay attention to what's actually being said), or I simply won't say anything at all. I really wished we ran day to day conversations like we ran political debates ':) Anyways... I really liked your videos and subscribed to your channel. Thanks for the great content!
@@HowCommunicationWorks Wow! Sir! You are still replying the comments under a two-year-old video! That’s just awesome of you to do so! (I love your videos and content by the way!!!) 😆🙏🏻❤️
Your videos are really interesting. However, your tendency to repeat everything at least 3 times is not. Are you trying to pad the time? Maybe prepare your speech ahead of time, to avoid this.
