How to know if a break up is final 

My grandparents were no contact for 4 years before they reconnected and got married. Anything is possible.

that was enlightening to understand when they break up with you they're not scared to lose you, since they know they have you - simple but not simple

I was 15 when we met, he was my first everything, it lasted 25 years and he discarded me 6 months ago in the most horrendous ways without any warning, told me he needed space. He’s definitely an avoidant, would never open up, I never knew what he wanted, there was silent treatment,rejection and extremes amount of stress, he reaches out almost daily to ask how I am, the audacity of this man is beyond belief after what he put me through.

1) Long-distance (hours by flight) doesn't really make for "natural" reconnecting opportunities, or even decently achievable. Esp if 100 % estranged. 2) The ONLY avenue for future contact AFA I am concerned is talking through what happened, and a big, fat, sincere apology as well as change of behavior. Forget "How have you been?"; the right to know anything about me was brutally forfeited and the sole way is THROUGH this. Not around, over, passed or anything else. 3) To then jump to "seduction" as if whatever happened to cause the breakup in the 1st place (distancing bordering on ghosting after failing to take responsibility for one's actions or take my feelings and needs into consideration, in addition to being a complete hypocrite) is simply absurd. It would be good not to assume the "broken up with" necessarily is begging to get their partner back in all cases, even if missing them or hurting. Some are lucky enough to both be shittily treated, and dumped atop that. For sheer lack of maturity from the other part (or maybe myopia, who knows). I'd love to see any kind of video addressing that kind of setup.

I do not believe that you have to date for more than 6 months to have a meaningful connexion with someone.. He told me he always wished to meet someone like me and was too confused.. We had something very special and he got scared as soon as I started asking for reassurance. Also, its all very interesting but it sounds like all the work has to be done by the anxious partner and it doesn't sound fair. If someone triggers your anxious attachment style even tho you try your best and you end up looking depressed and this is a turn off to your partner, then that person does not deserve you. Professional help is obviously a must but your partner or future partner also has to learn to love you just like you are trying to love and understand them.

My shortest situation was 3 months. This was the most intense connection I’ve ever had, and she said she felt the same way. I don’t think the time frame matters too much, but obviously a few dates over a month isn’t going to yield as strong of a connection. I think what is important is the quality of the time spent together.

Thank you for sharing this video Alexis, it was like always very insightful.

Thank you Alexis for your videos. You helped me a lot understanding things. THANK YOU! Long story short: She broke up with me end of april this year after 3 years (2019-2022) of relationship while she was in a psychosomatic therapy for 7 weeks (anxiety, depression panic attacks). She found someone there and monkeybranched. She came back from therapy mid of may & we lived like roommates. I stayed calm, stoic & didn't sabotaged anything. I accepted and tried to move on. She finally moved out of our flat and to a new one with him beginning of august. I found out she is pregnant by this guy since around may/june (painful is she wanted it / it was her wish to become a mother but i refused to have children yet with her. I wanted her to take care of her psyhological/emotioanl problems so she can take responsibilites for her life first). I remember when i visited her in the clinic she rationilized that she had wishes & always waits on me to get them fulfilled (children, house, marriage etc.). So far so good. What makes the situation even more interesting is that she pulled off the monkeybranch on me before in 2018 with her roommate after nearly 3 years of relationship (from 2015-2018). She finished studying and immediately got a job in feb 2018 & i did my master's degree, worked & had little time. She wanted to move together in a flat & go on vacation but i didn't had the money & must admit was a bit lazy to fulfill her needs. The roommate was also working in a job and so she sabotaged the relationship in a way that i didnt see any chance and i broke up with her (august 2018) even though it wasnt what i wanted. In mid october she started trying getting me back & i refused. We were taking walks from time to time to clear out what could have lead to that but i stayed away from getting emotionally involved. She still was trying very hard & i slowly started to see her change in behaviour (personal development, reading books on those topics etc.). End of march 2019 we came back together & in review it was a mistake but a great lesson for me to get to know persons like this. So first relationship 2015-2018: Not fulfilling her needs for moving together & go on vacation --> monkeybranch to someone who potentially will (roommate of her). Second relationship 2019-2022: Not fulfilling her needs for having children, marriage & bying a house --> monkeybranch to someone who potentially will (patient from psychosomatic rehab). I see a pattern her... I wish her all the best in life, a happy life & i will move on. I will not take her back once more.

I found this to be especially helpful--

I had no desire to get back with my ex after he got into a rebound relationship. For me it was over and I filed for divorce.

you´re awesome!! thank you so much

Great video, as usual! Thanks for all the help

I love your content it is really helping me a lot. Thank you so much❤

Thank you

Alexis, hi from NC, USA. My Dismissive avoidant left after 23 years and 3 children. My wife had signs of midlife crisis (depression/anxiety) on top of everything. I am in smart contact and no pushing since day one. My question is how does the midlife crisis affect my dismissive avoid-ants ability to reconcile? What are things I should consider and do to increase our chances for reconciliation and healing for our children and us. Thanks for your time and any advice.

I threw things in my ex Dismissives face of all wrongs he had done in the past coupled with what happened and asking why he ended us when things were going well after he ended us after 7 yrs out of nowhere. Childishly I mentioned his being overweight to hurt him back. I think I’ve damaged everything. I was never this way unless he left. It was off and on. I guess it’s over. Can you tell me please coach. We have been over 3 mths. I struggle daily. I’m AP.

How do I contact you sir

I haven`t heared a story where the girl leaves and then come back. It is an illusion.

My unborn child’s father left the day of my sonogram. I caught him hiding posts & stories on fb & ig. He was flirting w/women and talking to his ex. She wanted to be with him and he hide it from me. I later found out he was looking at naked women online in my home. Talked to him a week ago after 30 days no contact. He’s still lying. I ignored 2 texts and 1 call. I was overwhelmed with his lies. He hasn’t reached out again after 5 days. I do love him and want him back especially for our unborn son. But, not at the cost of my self respect. What do I do?

Hello, my ex and I broke up 3months ago because he left me for a girl whos half his age after 2weeks of meeting her.He monkey branched. We were together for 10yrs and we have 1 child who loves him so much. For myself,I am starting to feel better with our breakup just that I still get hurt everytime my ex ignores our child whom he loves so much before he met his gf now. He loves his gf so much now that he is willing to sacrifice his relationship with our child for her. Please advice me on what should I do,should I stop my child contacting her dad? I will read any advice you will give me. Tia.

How do I go no contact when we live in the same house? Move out? Finances unfortunately are very tired into the house.

What if my ex make his finals decisions we was around 2 years together and make a lot mistakes how no contact will help me with this 😢

What if this is the non DA who initiated the breakup? I doubt he will ever reach out

What do you mean by “meant to be together “? Fate, destiny God’s plan, biology?

Relationship ended 3 months ago, no contact since. I think she's seeing someone new, I doubt she'll be back.