Is He Right For You? Find Out With These 4 Questions 

I felt attracted sexually, friendly and comfortable with a guy. Went out on 3 dates, at the 3 date mark I put in a healthy boundary for myself. Turns out he wanted friends with benefits, isn't very communicative and ghosted me for over a month. Then later told me his facts, he wasn't intentionally ghosting me but he was, and said he wanted certain things. Everything changed when I put in a boundary. It's important for both people to be happy. I made time and room. But he didn't want all of what I wanted. I'm proud of myself for putting in boundaries. It's important I'm a priority not just an option.

My top question is always - is he a man of integrity and character? If so, he has a teachable spirit, can be trusted, and isn’t afraid to be vulnerable. My boyfriend has flaws, but he has more integrity than anyone Ive ever met, and that inspires ME to always improve myself!

Sometimes God brings us a steady slow burn instead of fireworks. I say if you have things to do in common, the same values and future dreams don’t eliminate that person too soon just because your not feeling instant fireworks. The best, long lasting relationships are always friends first.❤️

00:50 1. Do you feel a unique sexual attraction to this person? 05:38 2. Do you find it easy or difficult to get your needs met in the relationship? 7:10 3. Is their lifestyle compatible with yours? Do you feel ok with how they spend their free time? 14:27 4. Do you both want the same things in your future and have the same vision for the next 5, 10, 15 years?

I married a guy that was very incompatible with me. He would like to go out every evening and stay late until the club/bar/restaurant closed down and we always faught about it because I would be tired and sleep deprived the next day. Our marriage lasted 2 years because the incompatibility erroded everything about our relationship. Trips would be difficult too, he would have FOMO if we did not sign up for every excursion that is offered. I compromised in the name of love until I burnt out. "Making it work" because of commitment is a dangerous game so I take it with a grain of salt.

Let them play golf. It's good to have separate interest. Just make sure you find things to do together you BOTH enjoy.

I think these questions are also vital to ask yourself during the relationship because sometimes peoples values and goals change in the mid of the relationship. I was in a 9 year relationship with my ex fiance who at first we were on the same page but slowly red flags kept popping up - my values stayed the same while his behaviour, values and lifestyle completely changed mid way in our relationship. I'm upset at myself for not fessing up earlier because I knew this relationship was no longer serving neither of us. I did everything I could to save the relationship but ultimately it did not work out because you cannot change a person.

I think there has to be a commitment to making the relationship work. If there are lifestyle/personality clashes, a strong emotional connection can lead both people to a place of making space for someone they love.

Hearing you guys discuss those topics really hits differently than just thinking about it in my head. Thank you for the great reminder!

Thanks so much for clarifying something that I have been trying to work out for the last twelve months - for putting an end to what has been an agonising decision that I now realise would be "cruel to my future self". I applaud you for your insight Matt, and for sharing it with the world. You're the best!

I liked these questions, especially the first one. I think it's an important element that gets overlooked. I don't expect instant fireworks with someone I'm dating, but I do have to be able to see myself falling in love with that person eventually. To me, that romantic connection is what makes your partner your lover rather than just a good friend.

Lacking compromise is so sad. You can’t be selfish in relationships. X Being accommodating is a great word indeed.

Matt, you bring so much value to the community and to us with your videos. Thank you!

The part where you’re talking about being with someone now and investing in them now because you have a connection while ignoring the fact of having different ideas and lifestyle and how it’s going to lead to heartbreak and keeping yourself from the right person. Rule: I enjoy the moment unless it’s going to cause many unhappy moments in the future. In that case I can avoid that today- it’s something I have to listen to. It’s an act of wrecklessness and ignorance to your future self and it’s cruel.This part is brilliant 👏👏👏👏

*The element of fun can very often be fueled by the fact that this person is simply unavailable* A unique sexual attraction may just be us responding to someone who reminds us of someone who hurt us in the past, maybe even a caregiver from our childhood. The very insane chemistry may just be us responding to our childhood trauma and not the fact this is the right person to go for and plan our future with. Very often those that make our knees feel weak, are not the ones we should be starting a family with 💕

I don't know of anyone who can inspire people as you do. Your words are just a brilliant as You are! Thank you!

Good point on differences. You can try to fit into another's world even if it's not what you would normally do, but sooner or later the facade would fall and the differences would reveal themselves.

Ignoring the pain it's going to cause to a future you, have listened to this three times now and each time it gets me. How many times do we ignore small signals that things aren't quite the way we want it to be because we're having fun or we have great chemistry now but deep down inside we know that thing will cause us pain in the future. He's so focused on his work but when we're together we have such a great time or any other excuse we give ourselves.

This is SO good, thank you so much Matt and your brother for such a valuable content

After 40 the most important thing is to be mentally connected it doesn’t matter if we do or don’t like the same thing. if we are mentally connected, we will respect each other, and enjoy what the other likes doing. Everything else will work out eventually including sexual chemistry.

Sometimes living together makes you step away from your partner, you only really know someone when you live with him or her. Been through lots of awful stuff in the relationship, now in the process of leaving. I am totally not attracted him anymore, he repulses me, sounds awful but he does. Six years in & I am sure it's the end. It's like a light's been switched on or God has taken away the love I had for him because God knows he is no good for me. He's never had my back & disagrees with everything I say. You have to experience this to understand, its made me ill. Now along with everything else thats wrong in the relationship I have finally had enough. There is more to life than been unhappy. I know I will be happy again once I walk away. You know when enough is enough. I'm 56 & maybe alot of people stay because of their age thinking well I'm in my 40s or 50s I may as well stay in the relationship but I'm not. I'm not thinking about meeting someone new, I want time on my own to recover from the relatioinship & the trauma I have gone through whilst in it. I'm looking forward to the next chapter in my life. XxX

3:20 excellent discussion on teasing plus whether a friendship might turn into something else. Is a dicey prop as one person makes the move while the other may be not sure and knows that if she says no, she's lost the friendship too. 9:25 the ability to mesh with another after being single for awhile is spot on, am dealing with this at the moment, people don't see that they've become quite rigid.

Thank you Matthew for this video, in the first question you answered what i was struggling with the past 3 weeks!!

Matthew Hussey..u r a blessing to the world..

Yes the 4th question is most difficult one. Ifwe know that our partner does not want the same thing in the future it deprives us from the happiness in the moment to protect us from major heartbreak in the future. This is so hard to do it.. we must almost switch off our feelings and desires..happening to me at the moment. Fighting the urge not to stay involved with someone who doesn't want to commit.. 😤

Enjoying it now really leads to MAJOR heartbreak. Speaking from experience.

Liked the 'being a parent' adaptability example 👌🏻😁. Same basic core values & basic future wants & goals is what I look for. It's become much clearer since being in my 40's. I'm happy being single, doing things & meeting new lovely peops & if someone comes along the way then great, if not, I've not put my life on hold & I'm making nice memories along the way 🤷🏼‍♀️. Cheers Matthew 👍🏻 x

This is such a useful/helpful discussion I found myself agreeing with everything

I am married. We did fit amazingly together, but I think I changed. Covid made me more outgoing. So I think these topics have to be reevaluated often, so the couple can correct the direction they are going. Before we go entirely separate ways.

I like how he say " feelings that are a "slow burn" but with yrs of longevity, as opposed to lighning strikes but the slow burn love is so deep ,unselfish, pure loving them enough to want thier happiness, and you being happy becouse they are.

The person I’m dating right now is a friend from 30 years ago. We connected 9 months ago and I feel so great with him I feel I’m with my soulmate 🥰

😂 I love the dynamic between you both! And the mixture of lightheadedness and advice is super relatable and keeps everything interesting!

Thank You. I've been trying to figure out my relationship if it was working or not. 9 minutes in I've realised we don't work, 1 year down.... Moving on 😥

Hi Matthew! I've been following your videos for quite a few years now, and there's a lot of subjects that you covered. I really love that when discussing about dating and how to "get the guy", you don't just throw in clichees, but rather focus on personal development for each. I have a situation that you didn't cover in one full video: I've turned 30 this year and I've been together with a man for almost 8 years. We've met during master's degree (tough times, hard to find a job afterwards, not enough money to pay for a proper rent and so on). We got married 2 years ago (during the pandemic, so we had no big party/ not that I felt like having one). When we initially got together we had very little dating experience, it was our first serious/longer than a month relationship. The problem that we're facing is that as time passed by, each time we were struggling to fix something (get a better rent, better job, learn new stuff), and because he is/was not a very active person, unlike me, we ended up doing our activities separately (none of us wanted to force the other one to go do that they didn't want to). After years, this led us to a point where we don't really have any tension and/or any activities together. We've seen a couples therapist a few times, but all he focused on was whether we discuss our problems together or not (we do, communication works fine, even though I'm anxious and he's avoidant, we somehow manage to communicate ok). My problem is that: - we worked a lot to make this relationship work, and it's definitely worth saving (we seem to work good together to make stuff work, we know each other, we can trust each other/ none of us is a jerk or was at any point) - I can't see myself living for the rest of my life next to someone for which I feel empathy and some sort of friendship/love, but no sexual desire. At some point, 1.5 years ago, I started to work harder on my appearance (gym/posture, clothes), and I started to get more attention from other guys. My husband started to this as well, hit the gym and other stuff, because we discussed the issue. But he's doing this just because he feels like he should, keeps eating junk, we still don't get at least one weekly park walk or meal out, and when we do, it feels forced and artificial. Can you share your thoughts in a video about long term relationships where people end up growing in separate directions? And how to keep some sort of butterflies alive when living together in the same house for so long?

I rarely feel sexually attracted at the beginning because for me even physical attraction pass from feeling attracted to someone by the way he thinks mostly. They call us sapiosexual, and it is really a physical attraction that happens eventually from knowing and liking how a man think and hold himself mostly, rather than how much muscles he has.

I really needed to hear this. Thank you so much.

This video is a piece of art, and a jewel of wisdom

spot on about people being stuck in their ways...

Very good.i think question four is about knowing ones principles and boundarys.it requires awareness of one's aim in life.and whether the person I'm with is someone who is open to communicate honestly. More often people just say what the other wants to hear at a given moment .if I ever reach that point with someone again .honesty is my top priority.

Wow this is just incredible a conversation ! Thank u gentlemen

What hit deep with me .. it matters a lot if the other is giving you enough space to enter with a neutral perspective. It takes two to tango … the merging of two distinct personalities 🙂. Reciprocating efforts and that is visible within the first three months. All other hurdles can be overcome eventually.

Very helpful and great message. Thank you for sharing! 💞🙏

For point number one, I think physical attraction can possibly grow as you become attracted to them as a person. It has definitely happened to me. But if you are meeting online, I just find that either attraction is instant or is never going to be there. Or at least that's the way it always works for me. I couldn't agree more about being in environments that make you feel sexy. I met a guy online during the pandemic and we only spent time at home. He would only see me in my pajamas. I'm not the type that dresses up a lot or wears a lot of makeup, but I do feel like the house clothes did make me feel less attractive

Connection over chemistry 💥

The more I listen to you, Matthew, the more i feel that you, nail it. I'm thrilled also that you use your brothers ideas to bounce off. So nice.... I am not in a searching situation. I'm just interested in the subject of ❤️ love because i discovered real love for the first time at the age of 55.. i was sexually abused repeatedly from the age of 4 to 5 before i was able to remove myself from the predator...which i had to do of my own will. My mum dismissed my story ...when i told her....but i understood somehow that what was going on was wrong .my adolescence was a nightmare because of the sexual abuse of my early childhood. Sexual advances were ver scary for me. I just froze. It was not even possible for me to talk about it after mum's refusal to listen ,l.. since my adulthood i have informed my lovers before I could bond with them It's been an important part of my development because i couldn't bare to be sexually abused anymore. To find live unexpectedly at 55 was a fantastic experience 😀 that has opened up the wonderful world of true sexuality 💜

Lifestyle compatibility is important. Simple things like preference to eat out 🍔 or cook at home 🧆 can make a difference. This was a tough one for us at the beginning. 😕 But, now we meal plan and always put at least one if not two nights eating out or getting take out, or I will plan a night out with the girls and we get the best of both. 😎😛😎😛 At the end of the day it is all about CLEAR COMMUNICATION. I learned this and more from Matthew and Steven. 🙏🏼🙏🏼

Ufff this video is perfect for my situation... I know things cannot really workout with this guy because we want very different things... But I have decided to go with the flow even if it will mean hurt in the future... We're such illogical creatures 😂

Thank you for sharing examples and diving deeper into each question and breaking things down so its relatable. Keep these type of episodes coming. Great perspective on compatibility because I have made big mistakes by not being mindful of that.

Very good advice said in a way that overrules temporary emotions.

I think Matthew brings up a good point about “enjoying” the relationship in the moment. I do wonder if there should be a distinction between “enjoying” the relationship and crossing the line into “needing” the relationship. Matthew, would you consider that maybe people are communicating the softer “enjoy” instead of appropriately identifying a feeling of “need” in the relationship now, which might actually be keeping them from acting on a foresight? Do you think that if we made a distinction between those two feelings that your thoughts or advice would change? I say this as Mindfulness really is a feeling of being in the moment. It’s not a feeling of needing this moment. Past, present, or future - if you hold on too tightly to any, then a pathology develops, no?

I love this guideline !!!!😃👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 thank you !!!

Good questions Bro's! Think it's important to have some things in common e.g. gardenning....and I think it's important to have our space too, e.g......I Love being at home in the quiet doing my art or hangn with my pets x

I think question 2 takes the cake here. Compatibility of lifestyle doesn't matter if the relationship is strong. If someone has a bad habit, they will fix it if you're worth it. If something is getting in the way and the person isn't willing to change then there's your answer. Shared vision - again I think it's really a subjective thing. Perhaps their vision is actually amazing but you aren't there yet to understand it. In the end, what's more important is that you have a strong connection with this person however I would proceed with caution but perhaps be more open minded about it. I think ultimately it depends on whether you would enjoy their wild future and whether they're willing to change it a bit or entirely for you. I guess in the end it's all dependent on whether both people value each other enough to make changes.

Great show guys. Thanks!

Number 4 hit home hard

Great life changing advice👍 Thanks

ooo this was good. Practical and helpful!

Very sound advice. Thank you.

Excellent conversation

Thank you, sometimes we know these truths deep down, but need to hear someone else utter them to be reinforced.

20:17 "Don't be so busy enjoying the chemistry, and the fun, and the attraction in the NOW, that you ignore a massive amount of pain that's coming, that will be an act of recklessness and ignorance towards a future you...We need to take the view that we should do things TODAY that our FUTURE SELVES will thank us for...It's a cruel act to a future you, to do something that feels good today, that will cause HER a ton of pain." ❤💗🤜🤛👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 Perfectly said. Thank you Matthew!!!! 🙏🏼 You cleared up a very hard decision I have to make about cutting off a long distance relationship with a man who us such a nice guy, and fun to be around, but our 5 year plans are vastly different, as well as where we want to live. I know what I need to do now, and I know my future self will thank me...Thank you Matthew. You are living your calling and helping a lot of people with your channel. God bless you 🙏🏼 🙏🏼 🙏🏼

You guys are amazing. So so helpful xxx

Thank you so much for this! Let me state an example for people like me who are here because they are second guessing their relationship. 1) I think in the beginning there kind of was, but I wouldn't describe it as this absolutely magical flame of passion thing, no. We are intimate maybe ..4 times per year? (I'm 23, he's 25 by the way) And its bad 2) difficult is an understatement, they aren't met, period.. he is treating me disrespectfully. Gaslighting, guilt tripping, no initiative or true effort. 3) no. He either sleeps, is out for work or sits on the couch with his phone. Well and he occasionally takes our dog out for a walk. 4) he is fine with everything as it is, while i'm still working on my career. He just doesn't want everything to change but I'm just shaping and starting my future. Right, i'm going to break up within the next few days. (That decision is not based on this video, I was going to either way. But it helped!) People (not only ladies), if any of this speaks to you, please stand up for yourself and consider separating. Fear starts in your head, bravery too. (It's kind of a german saying, i translated it)

Thank you for this one! Im very much struggling to see where to place this person that i like, but i don't know how to give him a place in my life. Also because i don't even have my own vision (for the next years) straight.

Holy biscuits, this hit home. I answered "no" to three of the four questions 😢

Already point one and two are nail hit on the head!! ❤️

This video is GOLD

We had a great sexual chemistry but we still broke up just because he didn’t want to hurt me. He thought he needed a relationship but not anymore. He said he was a mess. He was not sure what he wanted. “Someone would say I’m stupid to push a wonderful woman like you away. You’re such a sweetest and nicest person I ever met. I can’t hurt you…” I’m so shocked😳

Unconditional positive regard

Laughing at the point when friend says just do it. 10 years later climbing out of hole. Sure there has been immense learning these last mostly 6 years. But now I know. And this person was wearing a mask and I ignored the little red flags. I was wreckless, even though I always know how to work it out, but that pattern has been pulled apart and undone.

Thnx again Matt 💗

We were perfect together and for each other. But he realised he never got over his ex (that he still sees once in a while with other friends). So decided to break things up and stay single for a good while... 3 days before he told me he wanted to spend his life with me and that he loved me. I'm totally crushed and lost...

You should feel sexual attraction, but just so you know sometimes it takes getting to know someone better to have that attraction because of commonalities or simply enjoying each other's company each time we see each other and learning more about each other intimately and I don't mean sexual intimacy

It is the same otherwise. Thank`s guys. You make me think deeper.

Hahaha “here we go story time” I love it

"you don't even realize that you are selfish" 🔥🔥🔥

Love yourself and just understand your life partner don't love them more than yourself 😜

Interesting when you talk about sexual attraction! I find that most men I meet for the first time, they do not give me a second date. People cannot delay instant gratification anymore. They expect lightning to strike within an hour or less. It's so frustrating, the expectation that chemistry will be instantaneous!

My favorite part about the videos is you and your brother talking jokingly

Omg Mathew is so funny!!😆 with the beauty and the beast part..

My Gemini friend & i both see alot of the most siimple purest things in life ,as important. Big Bangs is not one of them.

Everybody these days try to control the narrative. CHILL! Let things happen naturally, keep your eyes open for red flags. But stop with making the guy chase you or play jealousy games.

This post is so timely, such good questions to revisit and hear both your thoughts on the subjects. Oh and they are such gooooood answers!….. It’s a beautiful thing to find a true friendship connection & true romantic love together. Where the heart can become one, then your worlds entwined together. Pairing for life - like two swans 🦢 & have doves eyes for each other. 🕊 a love that lifts you up on eagles wings 🦅 above the mountains & storms. I believe we make room for each other, compromise, find solutions, re-calibrate, as a team together when you begin to build and make a future you both love, see, feel & your passionate about. It sure is important to know what you want & then ask the questions before you commit in for life. (Some wisdom I would have told myself many years ago if I knew it.) I think it can be inspiring and connective to speak boldly in love about what you want for your life, listening to what’s important to them…getting to know each other being open & then they can see a real future with them if they choose too, Not one they alone think they could have but practically see together a world they can build & a life they love living in🙏🤗❤️ thanks for sharing x

I love watching you and your brother : how adorable is Steve 🥰🥰

Hi could you do a chat about banter or bullying in a dating environment or early days of dating ❤️🙏🏻

Is he right for you?? Well I would say Go by the Vibes n not by words. Dont b hasty o hurried manner..Meet him o her on different occasions like fr eg wen they had a bad work day o wen they are with their parents ,frends etc.. how do they come across,?? understand that.. your own voice ur own judgement will tell you whether he is Mr. Right fr you.

I finally found someone I have serious chemistry with for the first time in 40 years and circumstances out of our control took him away from me. 😓 it's been 6 months that we have been apart and I can't get to him. Life is cruel.

Nice One

Nice one

Interesting number 4. It depends on how old you are you may not have a specific 10 year plan but I am close to turning 50. And live in Australia. I say this because here many people by the time they get to retirement age they want to pack up and head to a farm meaning out bush nowhere near or several hours drive to a main town or city... or going caravaning around the country...or something like that. So for me thats a big no because its not where or how I see my future lifestyle!

Sometimes i let YT to guide me tonthe right videos. This is exactly what i am going through. The guy I was with and i were not compatible due to his lack compromise. He said he compromised enough in his last relationships that he doesnt have enough to do it anymore.

Such a great topic because I asked this often to myself everytime I meet someone who showed their love but sad to say not yet meet in person just only in online chatting it's really hard to distinguish the true feelings and intentions of a man unless you didn't meet him personally so I always end up asking this question is he the right guy for me? Anyway I give my thumbs up for this informative video ☺👍

You two are so sweet together. :)

I have a friend who has MS... And he is wonderful. I keep asking myself can i deal with the pain of seeing him suffer in the future?.. I cant imagine i could, i never feel that strong... But could i imagine him doing it alone? I absolutly can not. If i love him and we are happy... I can endure that kind of struggle. There is always a struggle to be had.

Very wise! I will certainly consider these criteria in future relationships * lol

“Well are you having fun?” 😂😂

Mutual respect/shared values is no. 1 for me.

I dated a lot of men to get to know different characters and find out what qualities I am looking for. Including fleeting encounters and acquaintances (so not dating them 1 on 1), I might have met around 3,000 men that are in the right age span to date. I didn‘t like any of them so much that I can really consider a future with them. I am now in a not super serious relationship, but we both enjoy the company and friendship and no big heartbreak will happen in the end 🤷🏼‍♀️ Sometimes waiting for „perfect“ is not the best way, sometimes you need to find „perfect“ in what you have. I am still looking around (and yes he knows), but I gotta say, there aren’t many quality men around 🧐 I haven’t met a single really awesome guy in my life (down to earth, genuinely nice, responsible, keeping his flat clean, having a stable job, being a good listener and communicator, stuff like that).

What to do if you love someone sooo much but this person have a different perspective of a good future and good life. Like religion, life style, family. I know I will suffer in the future with him, but I’m so in love with him for 3 years now that I’m thinking about giving up on everything that I ever wanted in my life just for him, please help me, I’m depressed, I can’t imagine myself with someone else and I can’t handle the idea of him being with someone else

I wish I saw it years ago. I’ve made all of the mistakes stated in the video. I can only be thankful for cutting my loses eventually, and not getting married and having kids with my ex. I’m sorry for wasting her time and hurting her.