Thich Nhat Hanh answers questions during a retreat in Plum Village (May, 2014). Question: When I get angry how do I let my anger out? ----- Help us caption & translate this video! amara.org/v/FzFY/ #ThichNhatHanh #PlumVillage
Cutthroat 73 Be the change....;) I will be teaching my daughter and introducing her to Thich. You do the same, and then this passes on through them and then others in beautiful ripples
ya i figured doesn't mean its cool man. the anonymity of the internet can be dangerous and hurtful to me and you. i respectfully doubt you be talking this shit in real life eye to eye.
We are all children when it comes to these things so often. Compassion starts with forgiving ourselves and being our beloved. It works, I changed my life and health with that primary awareness from which a lot springs. Speak kindly to yourself, having been in the military you know you are the only soul guaranteed to be with you at the last breath (at least in physical form) so treat yourself like the treasure you are.
Well I think the reason why adults instinctively do that is because its a lot of work to avoid using concepts and words that kids will never understand.
Agree. It has its place though, did she understand is the question, it's okay talking to some kids like adults because they understand easily but others need to be talked to differently as don't understand what some words or theories mean in a certain style of speech. And kids are generally intellectual in different areas....like adults ! Lol
Gabriel Maximus These generalizations are delusional. How does one talk to an adult that all adults without fail will understand the intended message of the one communicating with them? Do you see the false premise in this generalizing? No, we don’t know what we all mean. More generalizing, more delusions. Generalizing does nothing but delude ourselves into thinking the world iz black and white when it’s actually infinite shades of gray. That’s the beauty of it, the perfection of our infinite potentiality. Even when we speak the same language how you perceive the meaning of any word can be interpreted many endless ways. Same language, same words, yet very different meanings. There iz no one particular way of speaking or listening to adults or children. Listening iz about understanding, seeking first to understand before seeking to be understood iz wisdom, compassion, peace, it iz an act of love and there iz nothing that can overcome that, not even language nor the perception of the words being used.
@@highvibefreqzshow5967 I disagree, but see where your coming from, I think. I was meaning more that I know many adults and children for example that know all of the names of the equipment used to ride horses, or ride motorcycles etc and many that don't. I was meaning for some they need to be told different names, unless they've had prior learning I've met many that wouldn't know what a saddle or bridle is and would call it the seat and face straps for example. Some 7 year olds understand science that is taught for their age, others I knew left school early because they were understand science for 11-12 year olds. I wasn't meaning things like poetry and lyrics that unless the create says otherwise are open to creative interpretation. But facts are not. 1+1=2 not 7 ...? I agree in speech yes, tone is important. Someone could obviously type that they love you but be saying it sarcastically or begrudgingly and the reader think wow they must be feeling really emotional etc
I do that all the time because I was trained to be accommodating. Stare quietly into their eyes and keep nodding in agreement. It doesn't mean you agree or understand. It means you know how to stay safe with people who will never see your perspective. BTW, spiritual bypassing-just smiling and acting like the fact that hurt people hurt people makes everything ok-is not doing something healthy with your anger. It's denying and disowning your emotional guidance system. No, you don't need to punch people who verbally,emotionally, and/or physically abuse you, but you DO need to honor what's happening to you, and speak your truth. Parents don't like it? Then stop violating your children's boundaries. And forcing children to go along with your beliefs instead of facilitating them in finding their own is a violation.
This reminds me when I was a young teen, a boy in school always called me mean awful names for small things like pulling out my chair and it making a noise, etc. I asked my parents how I should handle this. My father said, “Whatever cruel words that boy says to you, I guarantee you someone at his home is saying to him. Feel sorry for him, not anger.” I was mad at my dad for a split second, for not defending me, but I let his words sink in, and then I felt a sense of pity for the boy. His worse never affected me any more. I felt no need to counter his words. And I remembered what my dad said for any other future instance. It helped shape my life perspective for dealing with people who have anger.
As a teenage girl, there were a few boys in my class who would try to 'grope' my body, they would draw pictures of my face in an unflattering way, kick me on my birthday, and pull my chair out so I fell to my bottom on the floor twice. Due to this unbelievable humiliation, I felt angry. Of course decades later I was angry whenever I remembered it. I'm nearly 40, and only recently I have realised they couldn't empathise with me. They were suffering so much being the person they were, they could not even see what was going on. I've had the anger for decades, and now it's slowly dissolving. Personally, I've noticed that it's more of a process and not an overnight miracle of forgiveness of the situations I had to be in. If I were suffering like them, who knows what I could've been capable of.
Because both parents are too busy working or self absorbed with their own life instead of spending quality time speaking and bonding with their children who are brought up in nurseries or by nannies. Government created two income families and family ruination started since then.
In psychological terms, he's referring to "sublimating" anger. It works. But he's adding an element of compassion that skyrockets this form of coping to a higher spiritual level IMO
killmeister2271, she is still a child who is in the process of learning. Most people forget to not interrupt from time to time, especially learning children.
plumvillageonline...She is shy and insecure and Idont think that she understands what he is saying...she is just 8 or 9 years old. This is a strange video although he is right!
His book on the subject of Anger offers: "Wisdom for cooling the flames." I first heard his voice years ago and it conveyed a calmness beyond description. He is clear-seeing and compassionate. He is a great sage. I am thankful he speaks English, also. Thank you, kind brother, for showing us the way.
My hear goes out to that intelligent little girl, who listened to the Teacher’s answer to her question with so much of attention and patience! She will certainly grow up to be a wise, understanding , and compassionate person sharing her gifts with the world!
I cried watching this. Not only was it a wonderful answer for children, but also for any adult who has forgotten about the destructive reactivity that comes, when we use our personal mudd to smear the rest of the world. This should be taught in schools and communication seminars.
Black Bass Whispers yes. It's also important for parents to teach there kids when they're young by being respectful and honest and teach them how to not get mad.
Even small injustices make me angry like a stranger cutting me in line for lunch or another child pushing down my daughter at the park. I have other deeper traumas that even these things trigger anger and I appreciate this video 🙏
Kids being cruel to your kid... thatll bring out the sense of justice in anybody. Its the reason I struggle so much with the idea of having children. Life might be good but there's the rest of you people out there too amd even yoir kids are irredeemable monsters
I too feel abnormally angry when i witness small injustices. I learned that this crippling empathy for complete strangers stems from my own emotional needs that were not met as a child and my feelings were never validated. Ex: when i cried I was told to stop crying or i would be given something to cry about and i heard “oh well” alot when i would express my concern or opinion. This revelation about of my childhood helped me understand that my malignant empathy for others causes me to neglect myself over the feelings of others. I’m working on creating a balance between my own needs and others I’m a nurse practitioner so i am able help others in order to fill the void left from childhood, but its caring for that little girl inside me that is the challenge . I’m sorry that the traumas created by others are affecting you too. I wish peace, a long life, and happiness. Namaste
What a fantastic thought . Don`t let your anger out , keep it in and use it . So simple , and so deeply meaningful at the same time . Instead of telling people not to be angry , or anger is wrong , it`s more on how to deal with anger , and use it to your advantage , to learn and understand , instead of allowing it to upset and unsettle yourself and others . Beautiful . Thank you for this video .
Anger can't be either out or in. It's a momentary appearance in consciousness. To try and be angry continuously for 5 minutes is as hopeless a task as lifting a truck.
@@MrCmon113 I used to work in kitchens, and believe me, some of my old co-workers could remain in a state of anger all day long lol. If you try to suppress them, emotions will be stored within your physical and energetic body; in this sense, the anger is being held in.
@@shermansadventure1151 The second part of your comment doesn't jive well with the first one. I don't think the cooks "suppressed" the anger, did they? They "let it out" and yet more anger was always available.
Marta Helena Henao Aristizábal Whenever he talks I always feel like he is a living buddha and can't help to smile and I totally focus on him. He's definitely a buddha in my eyes
When my boy was very young he made a picture and he wrote on it "If someone is mean just be kind back". It blew me away then and after watching this even more so. 💗
That's a sort of aesthetic of not giving a shit that's often conflated with mindfulness. You can be 100% enlightened and kill your enemies. You can be totally void of a self and suffering and attachment and work hard to change politics.
When I was 17 I learnt in a philosophy class about Freud, the unconscious and the mechanism of "suppression" I understood that we kept things inside and that they kept harming us without us even knowing. So I decided to never suppress anything - but I didn't understood well how the mind worked, because I didn't know the difference between holding on, not letting out, and suppression.
Jean-Marc Pierson not meaning to sound rude, but what is the difference between holding on, not letting out and suppress? I feel like I missed the point u meant to explain although it should be obvious to me 🙁
@@AbuRas0 Suppression implies either ignoring the energy within, or actively pushing it away, as if it wasn't there. When you feel emotion, it means you have a powerful potential for energy within you. Many times, the moment a person feels that energy within them, they are immediately compelled to release or expel it into the world. When someone releases energy in this way though, it often comes out in ways that, at the very most, serve no function to better the world around you (wasted potential), and, at the very worst, actually harm the people and the world around you, or impede progress. The way a person releases their emotional energy is often habitual, and a learned behavior by watching how those they grew up around expressed their emotions. This is why you sometimes see children end up in the same places that their parents did. Their energy guided them there, because their learned reactions told them to release that energy in that way. And, what you release into the world is what determines your path. Instead, be mindful of the energies both within and without. When you feel an emotion, hold onto it, and think about it. Think of the many ways you could use it, and which ways would be most beneficial to you and the world around you. Then, when you have a clear direction and purpose is when you can most effectively utilize that energy. This is different than suppressing your emotion, in that, when you are suppressing them, you are NOT being aware and mindful of it, and not thinking about how it would be best utilized. You are pushing it down deeper, and pretending it doesn't exist. It is best to never do this. When you try to push emotion down, it has the habit of bubbling out, and being expressed in even worse ways than if you had immediately addressed it. I hope this has answered some of your questions.
@@Goblin-King I know you wrote this 2 years ago. If you are still around, thank you. Your explanation really resonated with me in a time where I’ve experienced exactly what you warn about with suppressing emotion.
True Buddhism. As Buddhist when I hear something unpleasant from someone, I say to my self, " Why did I hear this?. Then comes to an understanding that it because of my hearing ability. Then I think, is this my ear? No I don't think so. Why? If this ear is belong to me, when I have a ear pain, it should listen to my command and stop the pain. How much ever I say stop the pain stop the pain, it doesn't stop until and unless I take some medicine. It means this ear is just there but not truly belong to me. Because things are truly belong to me should obey my command. Like my well trained pet. Therefore I repeat saying to myself that why should I get upset or angry over anything unpleasant I heard from an ear which is not belong to me? This makes my anger disappear like a due on a tip of a grass blade by the raise of the sun. " May you all be happy and peaceful.
When husband beats wife, wife cannot smile and say , poor man he is suffering, he is sick, I am not angry with you, I only love you, these things are possible only from monks point of view , because they have no intimate connection with anyone, some husband they physically abuse wife and children without any mercy , then how u will say poor man , he is suffering , I love u, the wife will pray if he had died some day soon
@@galaxyash7360 maybe you can read ajahn bram book's where he give a case in australia a wife that get abusive by her husband for a long time then this women get meditation exercise frequently and still serve his husband as house wife, after some time her husband change the behaviour.
I am a buddhist by tradition but never a good follower until I came to realization that all sensations that rise and die come from within me. Fix my mind and I will be alright. Anger is my shameful issue.
I have never "gotten" that as a Buddhist you should be ashamed of anger. Just the opposite, why should you feel shame for a natural and instructive feeling
@@nguyenphuctringhi9830 It comes from your subconscious mind. It's how you defended yourself or attempted to get your needs met when you were ages 0-5 y.o. Try researching ways to reprogram your subconscious mind. There are many videos and information out there on this. I recommend Nu Mindframe youtube channel. Watch her earlier videos. She has so much on early development and ways to change our behaviors and unhealthy patterns. Edit: And yes age 0 (inside the mother's womb). If the mother is stressed etc. an unborn baby can absorb this energy.
That's some deep wisdom right there. We always think "they did that to me" but in reality we are our own biggest enemies. Constantly bullying ourselves. Fighting with ourselves. Yes - these things indeed arise within us. Not outside of us. If we attack others, it is actually because we feel threatened and afraid within. And if we react with anger we give our power away. Not just our power but also our capacity for experiencing joy and ease. So while it feels good to attack back, it only feels good but when we look within we haven't gained anything because the root of the war within has not been settled. The root of anger is almost always fear.
He is so enlightened... the smearing mud on you and others when you get angry . This is so true . I am learning to be kinder . But we are so conditioned to feel emotions as negative or positive . To train yourself to see positive in negative behaviour he is right . We need to practice x
Just listening to this beautiful man comes the soul regardless of what loving wisdom he shares with us. I’m so grateful that we are able to visit Plum Village anytime we like because of the Internet. Namaste family 🙏🏼
I agree with this man. If you learn to control your anger and utilize it's power, it can actually be a good thing. Learn to harness it's strength and redirect it's energy towards a positive goal. Some of my best personal achievements were achieved from redirected anger. It makes for some great work out motivation. I never had this taught to me, I just never wanted to allow the emotion that can be caused by someone else's stupidity, be a reason for me to join in and act stupidly as well. It doesn't mean I don't get angry. I have simply trained myself to not allow it to affect me in a negative way. Good stuff.
A great teacher for the world! It was a miracle for me to find Thich Nhat Hanh, i found him when i was suffering the most. I was desperate to be happy but then he thought me that i don't need to run for things, like romantic relationship etc. Happiness and peace is possible right now, we dont need to chase for objects of craving, which i still work to eliminate from my life. But it's improving :D
I was blessed with a grandfather who used to teach us like this. Miss you so much Mr Clemente Obiang Obiang and Mrs Rosario Nchama my deep beloved grandparents loved me as I was the most precious thing ever
Anger is an emotion. It is unskillful to repress or deny its arising within us. And unhealthy too. This exceptional teacher is clear about neither denying our anger nor indulging it.
I came across this video randomly at 2am as of right now, and all I can say is wow. Lately I have been feeling a bit angry and wishing I knew a way to control it and this video came and pop out in my feed for no reason. My angels really wanted me to see this I guess. Thank you. Very wise words. Truly inspiring
So much suffering but with the power of compassion i can try to plant a seed in people i meet to suffer less when i can. Brings so much joy to see a person suffer less since we are connected, not seperated like we been thinking.
I'm honestly impressed that the girl managed to not only ask a good question, but to actually pay attention to the entire answer as well. I could never have done that at that age.
Wow. Wise man. Forgivness is good, etc. He had high level of thinking skills and compassion, calmness, etc. It was a good question! And a good answer. Respect.
i also cried while watching this video last night. woke up this morning and wondered if i had been in an emotional mood... after the 2nd watch, i know its truly just that powerful.
The way he explained anger and gave an example, I thought this could be taught at schools even from the early age and probably be one of the most important subjects!
When my friends decide to have kids, I always ask them “Are you ready to guide a soul towards happiness and spiritual improvement?” Because if you don’t, someone will feed them, shelter them, and teach them math but who will be absolutely involved and willing to help them strengthen their soul? If you have planned how to feed your kid and in which room they will sleep but haven’t planned how you will support their path towards happiness and spiritual freedom then you are ready to have a pet, not a child. They hate me and they never answer my question clearly... but somehow keep me close once the kids are born lol 😂
All my life i was grasping to different religions etc which is most likely just a calling for spirutality which was not there in my family as a child. I let go of the desire to get a child or children it was a relief for me atleast. So i can focus on healing myself and others. Buddah thought me that i can let go of all the things i desire, it was like a miracle when i got some courage to see that my desires was causing suffering in the moment, when i let go of the desires i be free and happy.
@@kennystarfighter9919 I can relate to you! I grew up in a Hindu family. But my parents were not that religious and they did not teach me about spirituality. As a kid I was really into Christianity so I converted into Christianity and then left the religion. And became an atheist, and a agnostic and again a Christian. But now I am really inclined to learn more about Buddhism. I may even convert myself to Buddhism. Not so sure about that but some teachings of Buddha have helped me a lot! And I'm still learning about Buddhism.
I am a qualified babysitter. Every time I find myself with a child, I speak to him/her intelligently teaching the reality of life as it is. I don't agree when some parents treat their children as if they're too "young" to understand some things. Children are much more sensitive and mature than they look. They understand.
It take a child question to teach a 42 year old man like me a lesson. Thank you Thầy for your teaching, I'm much calmer and less suffering now then 5 minutes ago.
It’s funny how my dad taught me a lot of things like this; but I didn’t realize it until decades later. And at the beginning I thought I figured it all out by my self. Then I suddenly realize: That was his plan al along. Teaching with no teaching. We become what we’re naturally ought to do; don’t need to interfere, the leader who is not seen is the greatest leader. A leader who acts despised is the opposite.
Dearest Thay, I'm blessed to be taught and inspired by you in my whole life. At the moment, we are altogether here to hold you, Thay in our hearts with love and gratitude for all you have offered me and the world. May Thay rest in peace, where the Buddha stays! 22/01/2022 in Hanoi, Vietnam. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
These teachings need to be tought everywhere and reguarly. So children do not need to suffer and heal themselves when they are an adult. World peace can be realised within one generation. Om A Hung🙏🙏🙏💛💚💙
It’s knowledge like this that all people should be taught. It would change the world if everyone just took a moment to absorb this. Many angry people who suffer do so out of fear because they themselves are scared of not understanding the world around them and how they can fit in
Who knew? Anger has been inside of me the whole time. This gives me a whole different point of view of my stuff verses a neighbor who was harsh with me that I never fully acknowledged as worth my compassion (caring without doing his work: according to a diagram called the triangle of respect). Thank you for posting this when you did.
We must feel every emotion hold it in and not throw it away. You can feel every emotion and not suppress it. Hold it in as embrace it lightly and carefully. Observe it and take time to react. If you suppress or deny or just react without understanding your emotions. We suffer. We suffer from not understanding our own emotions. Suffering is beautiful when we know We are in control of our own actions and we are not in control of what the world brings to us without us wanting to interact with the world. Accept the world despite not wanting to deal with it. This is what i learned from here. Every emotion needs love and care. Handle it with care. Dont be harsh on yourself. Give it time and love. Dont deny your emotions. Dont throw it away. Dont deny other's emotions too. Bring understanding and love. Bring openness. Dont suffer in silence. Thank you for uploadingm
This is so crazy. Five years later and I find the video of myself at Plum Village. I can't believe that I was that little girl. He gave me such good advice and I remember it to this day:)
