One of the best pieces of advice you've given me on the subject of charm is to assume positive intent when a part of the conversation is vague or confusing. The double-edged sword of disarming people that had negative intent and also repairing the situation when a well-meaning person just didn't get the words out right has saved me many times! You guys inspired me to start a self-improvement YT channel that helps people in return for all the help you've given me.
Ina previous video, they mentioned that when someone says something insulting either intentionally or unintentionally, instead of responding defensively, you assume they meant it as a compliment and respond as such. It will cause the other person to either double down and have to elaborate, therefore removing their power, or they'll respond in a more positive manner.
I wish wish people did this more on the internet. I feel like every neutral thing automatically gets interpreted as negative on the internet. It starts so many unnecessary arguments.
Playfulness & positivity combined are insanely charming. Being around a person like that can make you feel so much more relaxed and ready to be yourself, instead of being so serious and logical in every conversation and situation. It's also pretty rare to find those lighthearted people, so if you can cultivate those skills you'll stand out in a great way.
Interesting perspective, I personally find it weird not charming that you need to validate someone else constantly, human beings are practical creatures that are bounded by logic otherwise Darwin would have written pretty different statement.
Here’s a piece of advice I learned myself. If you are nervous or have social anxiety about going out with friends or some social event, workout beforehand. Before I go to a job interview I do 40 pushups. When I know that I have a date that night I go for a mile jog around the block then follow up with a shower. The push-up thing is great for last minute prep as it only takes a minute, can be done wearing even a suit, you don’t need to get too sweaty or need to be on the ground. It’s helped every time. Not only does it help me FEEL better. I also feel better about myself as just a little pump can make your muscles just ever so slightly more defined and veiny. When my heart is racing from anxiety, I have a pit in my stomach, get my heart rate up even more with exercise. Then as my body is coming down from the workout, it slows my heart rate. It’s almost like tricking my body into think my heart was racing from the exercise and not my mind. When my body gets antsy with anxiety and I can’t sit still I let it all out. I get my body physically tired. This works for me, I’ve been doing it for years. It’s worth a try for anyone who feels this way!
Super cool idea, thanks for sharing! Special Ed teacher here with a bit of a background in Social-Emotional Learning (and a background of anxiety myself). I love learning about self-soothing techniques, this one is new to me but on the surface makes a lot of sense even physiologically. (Sometimes our brains interpret our body sensations as emotions based on context, which we can use to our advantage.) I'm going to use this for sur, thanks!
Good advice. Thanks for sharing that. I especially like the heart rate trick. Coming down from some cardio is going to feel like a calming slowdown even if you're nervous about something. Plus you've burned off some excess energy.
Thanks for coming today...wait a minute...aren't You the guy who was doing pushups in the lobby? ....Hey Susan, please cancel the rest of our interviews 😁
Being charming is an art that comes natural for some of us and a skill to master for the rest of us. Honestly, I find someone charming when they are incredible listeners because they come off not only charming, but mysterious too. ❤️
I solved the "never be boring again" situation years ago. I just started carrying a couple of machetes on me. People never act bored around me. They are always glued to every thing I say and do. My personality is so amazing that people quickly become overwhelmed by it and I've had numerous people actually run away because my personality was too amazing. Good times... good times.
@@PeacefulPotato Hello fellow Potatoan! Matches do work, but you have to keep lighting them. While matches are fairly cheap, it turns into an ongoing expense (and a bit of a mess.) Machetes are much better as it is a one time expense. To be fair, two out of my three machetes are just the handle so that little trick can help people limit the investment needed when switching from matches to machetes.
Ellen gave a good example of what not to do. Constantly being judgy and belittling puts people on the defensive or lowers the overall mood. Meanwhile, Chris seemed to realize that everyone in the audience isn't rich and condescending like her, so they'd obviously like to hear him positively talk about his past life.
If you really want someone to like you, just focus on what they say. Ask follow up questions. That way, you’ll never have to think about a good topic. You just essentially allow the person to talk. Trust me, when someone feels they are being listened and understood after a conversation they will like you.
I once complimented a girl by saying: " you smell really nice". then followed it up with: "you must spend a lot of time in the shower". needless to say, i never heard from her again lol.
I applaud your courage. If you're uncomfortable with what you're saying, the other person can feel it, try to find the balance between being playful and being yourself
I have autism (high functioning) and your videos really help me. I feel very lost in social interactions most of the time but your videos make me feel like navigating them isn’t so scary. thank you so much for posting these!
I'm charming when I enjoy myself and go into the interaction with ENERGY. My energy tricks; Workout, great music, self-affirmation and inspirational youtube videos and cold showers. At times caffeine.
Cold showers, can’t live without them anymore. I see warm showers as a luxury, for a day off for example. On workdays, it’s cold showers all the way, every day.
Whenever I see a notification from Charisma on Command, my mind instantly goes, Wohoo!! another way to improve myself. Love the detailed analysis of small things that people take for granted. Breaking down each and every part of a conversation and building on top of that is a great example of 'First Principles' I would like to point out one area where you can improve is the title of the video. Whenever I watch the video, I would rather click on a video with a positive title rather than a negative one. For example 1. How to avoid being boring in a conversation 2. How to convert a boring conversation into a fun one 3. Why you should focus on self-amusing in a conversation? This is my take on this topic. Great content as always Support From India!!
One thing I like a lot about these videos is that they offer actual advice up front with examples before trying to sell you their course. It's not clickbait. On the other hand, pretty much every one of them has as one or more major points what amounts to "be funny". Yeah, I don't qualify there. The only times I'm funny in a conversation or social situation are accidental, when someone misinterprets something I've said as an insult or sexual or whatever, and I always correct them. On the third hand, almost all the examples come from celebrity interviews, meaning the people involved tend to be very good looking. Really good looking people tend to have an easier time in social situations to begin with, compared to those of us who are pudgy and not gifted in terms of appearance. Telling me to be funny is about as useful as telling me to be better looking. Those are things I have very little control over.
I encourage you to have a growth mindset instead of believing that you have little control. I know it’s not easy to improve your personality and looks but it is possible and it is worth it. Your future self will be grateful for you.
What you say is kinda true. I am more optimistic and funny when I'm confident that I'm looking good. But improving looks is doable, you can always be fitter, find a suitable hairstyle and wear fitting, new clothes.
It definitely helps but Jack Black and others prove that if you keep up a positive energy and put in effort to be funny, looks will be easily overlooked.
Pointers in this video 1. Finish someones incomplete joke 2. Pivot to an exaggerated version of your real answer: say something funny that didn't actually didn't happened. 3. Start saying positive thoughts out loud: Say something nice compliment be positive 4. Have fun 5. Have confidence
I was helping two blind women at work today and one of them mentioned that her suitcase was too tightly packed and wasn't happy about it. I replied, "Yeah, my trousers feel the same way." They cackled with laughter. A wee drop of self depracating humour.
Hi Charlie and Ben, excuse me, let me really appreciate what you guys do, your videos help me a lot and help a lot of people around the world. If you don't mind, I would like to ask you if you can make a full video on how to interact in night environments, be it a bar, a bowling alley or a friend's party. I suffer from social anxiety and these are the environments that cause me the most anxiety, mainly because there are many people in a closed place and because the music is loud. I think it would help a lot of other people.
You can "learn" to be witty, but in reality, you either are or are not... it usually ends up being awkward if you do it all the time. Just be yourself when your around others; if they don't like your REAL personality, then they are not worth being around. People today are trying to "fit in" and be someone they aren't naturally. If we all wanted to be the center of attention or be "funny" by finishing other peoples sentences with a joke, it would be annoying. Now giving other people compliments or encouraging yourself to be a little more outgoing than you normally are, is positive all the way, but be YOU while you are doing it.
What do you think makes you, YOU? Is adding a playful twist to a mundane answer somehow changing who you are intrinsically? Also, I slightly disagree with you're framing. When in a group of friends and everyone is riffing, no one thinks it is annoying. So it's more what's being said than the fact an attempt at humor was made. I definitely agree not everyone can be as witty as they would like, but I don't see any harm in people wanting to add another tool to their basket, especially if they're not enjoying the results they are getting at the moment. If someone has a habit that isn't serving them, I don't see any issue in changing it. Also, even though the advice is the same, how it manifests from person to person will change depending on their own humor and experiences. People could take the same advice and apply it in ways that are vastly different.
I understand where you are from# maybe from your experience this is what you learned , but the advice that really doesn't work for me personally is being yourself, it's the most confusing thing to understand , I am 20 ,"? I "don't myself , how can I make people like that .it's too vague.
If my mind suddenly goes blank in a social situations I remove myself from this situation because it simply means I have nothing more to say and I'm kinda to lazy to try anything else.. sometimes however I stare at the other person silently and see what they do and then I remove myself. Also from experience not everyone has sense of humor. Saying a joke is not always an ice breaker but can be a wall builder. As I lived in different countries I realized there are different types of humor depending on a country and what's acceptable to say as much as there are individual differences. Cracking a joke can be a risky business. Remember Chris Rock at the Oscars...?
Well that was different actually everyone got the joke except for the person who was being joked about in which that person was married nd basically used the “you just gon let that man insult me” on her husband but that’s a whole other rabbit hole
Humble suggestion: RU-vid comments are a nice way to practice everything they say here. And congrats to the guys running this channel. You are surprisingly insightful, I'm gobbling up all your videos.
Everyone loves RDJ and understandably so, but Hemsworth seems like the genuine bro of the cast. Like it doesn't seem put on, he just seems like a fun dude to be around, doesn't take himself to seriously. -Pratt as well
I love this channel and there’s tons of good advice here. With that said, when someone implements these strategies to an excessive level it can be very off putting. I’m specifically referring to the humor examples in the early part of the video, like finishing someone’s sentences with a joke or exaggerating comments to an extreme degree. You have to balance that with being present in the moment and actually listening to the person you are interacting with and giving sincere responses. I know people who talk way too much, are constantly trying to make jokes, most of which are incredibly easy and obvious and you can see them coming from a mile away (no surprise often results in no laugh). These people are horrible listeners and I do not feel a strong connection with them. So again, not bad advice here, just a reminder that if you overdo it, there’s likely to be a negative effect.
@7:17 the smallest clip from Not Another Teen Movie. I was wondering when I'd finally see footage from the movie that introduced me to Chris Evans. That film was gold back in the day!
I have just started as a fundraiser for which i need good communication and relationship buliding skill. Luckily i havr this channel and unlimited tries and people to practice my relationship building skills with.
Hey Charisma on Command. It would be awesome if you did a podcast with Vanessa van Edwards. It would be interesting to have two charisma experts having a discussion and you would both learn from each other immensely
Hi, thanks so much for this video! I love it whenever you make videos about the Marvel actors. I was hoping you could make another video about Tom Hiddleston, especially because there are a lot of newer interviews from which I feel like we could all learn so much. Thanks!
The thing is it should come naturaly sponty and you should feel comfortable in the situation otherwise it wont work, even if u practice or try to be someone ur not. Its not something u can train or be prepared for cause it always comes across calculated. Its called humor and charisma, either u have it or not.
I am not witty or quick thinking enough to come up with little jokes on the fly. Are there mental exercises that can help with that or ways to slowly incorporate them into everyday conversation?
@@ricardomilos10 I didn't say it didn't "affect stuff." The whole channel is about having charisma. My point with Heard was just that good looks doesn't automatically = charisma, they'll only take you so far. Obviously looks are a nice asset. But Hemsworth could look like he does and it might get him acting roles, but it doesn't make him likable. Most of us are interested in having good relationships and being interesting, very few of us will be professional actors no matter how we look. Saying all this cause I know some people say it jokingly but there's no need to "give up" on developing appealing qualities because you weren't blessed with movie star appearance, ha
Be positive and stop worrying what other people might think. I don't think you fully understand what it means to have social phobia and be introverted. It's not something you can just wish away with positive thoughts.
I would love to see you guys make a video on being charismatic like Spike in Cowboy Bebop (original animated version of course). On the off chance you’re seeing this comment please consider that for an upcoming video
Ask them to consider the other perspective (a light example: "Ugh, it's raining again", "How could we have a garden without the rain?" or "I heard there's a drought in KS!") Ignore/Avoid them (avoid toxic people)
My classic one, was that I was talking to a woman once with a very big cleavage. I said to her: "You know, you remind me of Paris". She said, "How come?" I replied...."Well, I've already seen an eyeful!!"
Hey guys can y'all please, please do a video on James Spader's character of Raymond “Red” Reddington from The Blacklist, i mean not only is he a total badass but he's also super smart and confident and doesn't care what others think of him at all, he would be great to do a video on i think.
