How to Not Become A Man-Child (or Woman-Child)

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In this video, I talk about the rise of the man-child or, as Jungians might say, the ‘puer aeternus’.
We live in an era of adult-children: everybody wants freedom, but nobody wants responsibility. But, the truth is, you can't have freedom without taking personal responsibility for your own needs. Wanna live on your own? You have to be responsible for cooking, cleaning, and managing the house. Want a car? You have to make sure you fill it with gas, maintain it, drive safely to avoid damaging it, and follow the rules to avoid getting your license suspended. Wanna start a business where you can do what you want, whenever you want? Well, you have to manage your own schedule, make sure its profitable, keep your clients happy, hire employees, make sure your employees are paid and taken care of, so on and so forth. Every freedom comes packaged with a certain amount of responsibility.
But what happens if you get freedom without responsibility? Is that possible? When someone else gives you freedom and takes responsibility for your needs-such as some parents might do-you can have freedom without responsibility. But honestly, you don't want it. Because freedom without responsibility will hinder your growth and turn you into a man-child.
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9 ноя 2022

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Комментарии : 1,5 тыс.

@coffeebot7016 Год назад

Just a friendly reminder being mature and responsible doesn't mean you have to be super serious all the time and neglect having fun or being silly. Edit: Really sorry to see so many people with a fundamental misunderstanding of balance in their life. I genuinely hope you stop taking yourself TOO seriously, stop caring TOO much what others think of you, and stop being so miserable some day. Much love.

@larsthemartian9554 Год назад

Exactly. Being childish is different from being youthful. If every adult completely abandoned their inner child, the world would be even more of a pervasively depressing place

@someguy-xc4jw Год назад

@@larsthemartian9554 I heard that phrase quite a lot, but have never fully grasped what it means. What is "holding on to one's inner-child"?

@PornoCorner Год назад

Being productive and contributing to the beautiful Earth is fun and rewarding! Take a moment to appreciate that, through an on-going collective effort, this entire system, while not perfect, manages not to collapse every hour of every day. Even if you hate your job, if you are employed, then you play your role in this big interconnected system! And every single one of us can work to achieve far greater things in this big ol’ fabric of civilization!

@noeldev Год назад

@@PornoCorner i see your point, but doing things considered for "kids" cuz you enjoy them, isn't exacly making anyone unproductive, you can be both Also i don't really like the idea of working a job you hate, obviously, many need to, but if someone is still young and/or has a chance to do something else, they might like more, they should 100% go for it, they are still being productive, afterall they are still working, but their work atleast doesn't make them hate their life

@larsthemartian9554 Год назад

@@someguy-xc4jw now, after actually googling the term, it does have a specific meaning in psychology, but I wasn't referring to that lol. What I meant in this instance was simply the personality one had during childhood. If people completely changed their nature and interests once they entered adulthood, they'd be lying to themselves. That's not how humans work. Yes, we do change a lot when we grow up, but we're still the same person. On a side note, while this is a great video, I kinda hate the thumbnail lol. I wouldn't call a gaming adult a man-child. There's nothing wrong with gaming when kept in moderation. When it starts to affect the rest of your life in a negative way, then we're entering man-child territory. Nothing to do with your question I know, I was just triggered by the thumbnail and needed to vent lol

@mindfulnesswithmatt Год назад

This is something that isn't talked about enough. We think that basic adulting is just paying your bills and doing your chores, but to fully adult and graduate from being a child implies so many more emotional responsibilities beyond that

@khalilahd. Год назад

Exactly!!

@bellakrinkle9381 Год назад

Why are these ideas not taught in schools, since many parents that are good people think their offspring will simply learn these skills themselves, with no help or explanations, or assistance from them.

@warrenbradford2597 Год назад

I must emotionally mature first to take on more emotional responsibilities.

@mindfulnesswithmatt Год назад

@@bellakrinkle9381 right? I think emotional independance and management is a basic skill that all school systems should start implementing

@zk527 Год назад

Like what responsibilities?

@TheEllsworth8 Год назад

As a survivor of an emotionally abusive mother and an undiagnosed, bipolar father, I graduated from a chaotic childhood to a very isolated adulthood. I'm taking responsibility for my life, though. I'm working a tech job and practicing music. I've made progress in my sex and porn addiction (over 14 months sober) and am stepping into a leadership role in group therapy. I'm also much less afraid of women than I was in my twenties and thirties (just turned 41 this year). Life is lonely and difficult at times, but I have shown the ability to make it my own. I want to keep growing. I want to keep writing my own story.

@TheEllsworth8 Год назад

@@UncleJ-td1oh Thanks. Appreciate the support. 🙏

@Dispensationalism Год назад

Respect

@ntokozosibusiso9832 Год назад

Wow🔥 I really appreciate your comment as a 22 year old

@Plagueroaxh Год назад

Goddamn was that some fuckin motivation. Thanks man seriously

@teosdytoast2462 Год назад

Sex and porn addiction is my current struggle. It is incredibly difficult to go more than a day. I do 1 day, think it will be easy and before I know it. I'm past the place I said I wouldn't go and no idea how I even got there.

@godzilla964 Год назад

It's okay to play with toys, play video games, or watch cartoons as an adult. That stuff can make you a fun person to be around. Just be an adult when you have to be.

@asurapriest8054 9 месяцев назад

That's copium, people need to let go things to truly grow up. When you are maturing you need to truly focus in your growing not in other stuff like childish distractions. Growing up it's not just paying stuff and your bills, its much more.

@pax1217 9 месяцев назад

@@asurapriest8054That will make you a squidward (at least thats my opinion) Is fine to keep doing what you like as long as you act as a mature person when needed. I find funny how some people that I've met keep saying things like "grow up" but you can see in their eyes, their schedules or emotions that maybe they are the ones receiving that advise.

@fiethsing9988 9 месяцев назад

@@asurapriest8054 Copium is thinking that "adult" stuff is more valuable than "childish distractions". Guess you will forever be playing at Nature's hand shackled by fate.

@Anonymous-wb3nz 9 месяцев назад

@@asurapriest8054I'm 37, with a paid off house, car, and a stable career teaching Kung Fu, I run a kickboxing program for Parkinson's patients, and I am a personal trainer. Guess what? I have a 1000 sq ft attic full of Lego, video games, train sets, stuffed animals, various other toys, board games, ect. Part of growing up is being yourself, and if that means you enjoy toys during your free time, there is nothing wrong with that. I even play basketball and go to the playgrounds on the weekends. It's far more "mature" to be active, creative, and playful than to waste your life away on the couch drinking beer. 🙄

@TodaTruth 9 месяцев назад

For everyone life journey is different live life for u not for others 🚀

@JupiterTarts Год назад

The hardest part hands down is the financial independence. Economy is so bad that it's not uncommon to end up paying 50%-70% on rent. Makes it difficupt to pay other bills, pay for fun things, or even maintain a savings (which can be wiped out with a single medical emergency or unexpected car expense). I 100% understand the desire to stay at home and it's not always a matter of fear of responsibility.

@geddon436 9 месяцев назад

I agree

@pax1217 9 месяцев назад

Yes, you shouldn't always live up to social expectations. I really want to be independent, I have a nice income (still not enough to afford a house) and I had the experience of living alone in another country for one year when I was 20. People dont realize the amount of headaches you evade if you live with your parents and ignore the opinion of society. As an adult you start to save money, maybe invest on something and eventually afford housing, if not, maybe improve the one you already "have" and you help your parents as well. I just opened the video because the title triggered me, personally I've met "mature" people which has made worse decisions than me, but I'm the immature one because "I live with my parents" without realizing what I've done before. Sorry for my english btw ;)

@geddon436 9 месяцев назад

@@pax1217 I agree. everyone's situation is different.

@onemanturret1641 9 месяцев назад

There’s plenty of people who pay rent and live with their parents. It’s effectively responsibility with out freedom

@ladyalicent705 9 месяцев назад

@@onemanturret1641 Agreed, not to mention that the rent they charge is actually reasonable (i hope) and not 70% of your entire income

@bryannguyen1260 Год назад

This really hits me. I come from an Asian family and because of how collectivism is a thing in Asian cultures, my parents have done a lot of shit for me from basic chores to even paying for college entirely. I can never talk about this because people will judge me and I guess I deserve it? I had an "easy" life but it was also hard because of how I was setup for failure and that my parents were not "outright" abusive but very controlling mentally and financially. I am 22 and I am starting to get shit done fuck what my parents say. I guess I am lucky my parents aren't 100% controlling to the point where I cannot do anything. It's definitely a lot of info to convey but regardless I am doing whatever I can just to get tf out.

@mhukvevo117 Год назад

Your parents love you man don't see this Someday you will regret

@bryannguyen1260 Год назад

@@UncleJ-td1oh Thank you. God (or whoever you believe in) bless you.

@mr.vegas9677 Год назад

Thanks for sharing

@theangrydweller1002 Год назад

That doesn’t really have anything to do with collectivism in your culture. If that’s what drove them then they would be making you do as much for the house hold as your able

@raidoung4100 Год назад

i feel your pain, vietnamese brother:))

@emuriddle9364 Год назад

There are Man-Children who have salary jobs too. It's not just a dependence thing. But it can also be about treating others poorly. The key word is, "Failure to take responsibility." Expecting other people to meet every demand you have. Failing to return the favor. And sometimes even being hostile against younger generations trying to start their own lives. All of this still counts as immaturity. Even when the person isn't dependent on another person.

@anancapcat4221 Год назад

Someone who gets it nice! I wish people would cover this aspect rather than saying or just saying "Get a job and get out of your mom's basement YOU BUM!" Those people aren't worth shit to be around. It's also about being nice not just getting a paycheck.

@Brian25174 Год назад

I 100% agree

@elenafunes2086 10 месяцев назад

You hit the nail on the head.

@jenkathefridge3933 10 месяцев назад

@@anancapcat4221plus finding a job with no experience is tough

@anancapcat4221 10 месяцев назад

@@jenkathefridge3933 Exactly, people act like you can get a job just by asking for one. But if you don't have experience along with all the other hoops you have to jump through chances are you aren't getting a job.

@DomCOuano Год назад

For some of us, this should serve as a reminder that we're actually doing okay. I've been a late bloomer and often feel like a man-child, especially when I make mistakes or when something doesn't go as planned. I've missed jury duty and had to request postponements. I've had to pay late fees. I've gotten F's in school. I've failed at businesses. But I do take full responsibility for all of these. And feeling kinda crappy about failures is really just part of taking responsibility for them. It's part of the price of freedom. And so for some of us, this is an important reminder that we actually are taking responsibility for our lives and paying the price for our own free will. So keep going and, ya know, try not to miss any more important things.

@vitustillebeck4965 Год назад

Your comment and life story was inspiring, in spite of the failures. Keep going

@andy101971 Год назад

I've had to deal with late fees and missed appointments. The biggest change that stopped most of it is getting a calendar, I use a desk top size and put it where I go every morning. I put it on top of the microwave and cross out each day. A week before rent is due I mark everyday rent, rent, rent, etc.. that way I never miss it. Hope this helps.

@DomCOuano Год назад

@@andy101971 nice. i like those better than digital calendars like the ones in my phone. i do use the ones on my phone but it's better for your brain to have a hard copy that you physically write in. stronger brain connection when you hand-write things than if you're just typing with buttons. the hard copies don't sync with your alarms though so just gotta find a balance ha

@canal100original8 Год назад

In my case i am not responsable, i fail all the time and cant be focus on what i must to do. But that really doesnt matter a lot to me because i think i cant live being responsable, i wish i was dead but unfortunately i cant because I dont have the ideal method and in fact i must be responsable to decide if i want to die. If i am responsable, i will can decide if i die, but before that i will try and try, unless i have the method to die

@DomCOuano Год назад

@@canal100original8 that’s a rough and dark place to be. I hope you find some good friends and some support and get the help you need to survive and live a life you enjoy.

@luisespanola Год назад

For the longest time I lived with my mother, and as her only child I was subconsciously attached to her. It might have been how I was raised up since she had the tendency to make my life easier by letting me off the hook on certain household responsibilities. Although I was competent in my professional life, I felt that I wasn't independent enough to pull my own weight at home. It made me wonder that if I were the last person on Earth, would I know how to survive? At the age of 28, I finally left the comfortable bubble and lived on my own -- against my mother's numerous pleading. It has almost been a year now, and I can truly say that it was the right move and wish I had done it sooner. There is power in freedom and living the life you ought to live. Everyone should learn how to be self-reliant.

@MrUprise02 Год назад

Good for you I didn’t achieve this until I was 32. I was then paying rent for the apartment and the bills at my mother’s house. Eventually she sold the house. But it was a move I should have done many years ago.

@abhishekghosh4384 Год назад

Now bring her to your house, and love and care for her the way she did for you when you were a child.

@rodi2641 Год назад

@@abhishekghosh4384 he won't do it ...but don't worry he will feel the pain when his children do the exact same

@ivann9924 Год назад

@@abhishekghosh4384 what are you talking about. If she brings him to his house, she is gonna be the boss again. The dynamics of parent child will still stay, nevertheless every person will have to grow up without their parents one way or another. One point is it does not imply he will stop taking care of his mom. All he wants to do is just be independent hope you understand

@vibes1680 Год назад

@@MrUprise02 The important thing is that you’re doing it now

@87agomes Год назад

Probably many would call me a man child for playing video games and liking pop culture but idc. I make a reasonable salary for my country standards, have my own house, pay my own bills, my car is paid in full. I'm more of a responsible "adult" than many out there who are perceived as such, living luxuous lifestyles but are drowned in debt

@taitianpalmer2979 Год назад

live it up bro. anyone in this mf who thinks playing a video game equates to literally being unable to behave properly as an adult is just goofy and probably thinks their better than other people.

@happysquirtle466 Год назад

this so much. gotta love those woke selfimprovement gurus spewing their bullshit all over the internet with their witty takes like 'gym good video games bad'. at the end of the day, everything is cope. games are just as much of a form of escapism as trying to conform to societal expectations by getting your body shredded. sure, one might have more benefits for your physical health than the other, however, mental health is important as well. if games can help you with that, that's great. some people will also never be able to socialize deeply because they simply don't like it. it's important to not neglect the bare minimum of social skills to function in a society, but anything more than that is optional. no point in trying to force that shit if you don't want to.

@willissudweeks1050 Год назад

You ain’t a man child til ya skip work to do acid Waltuh

@bremo8365 Год назад

Yeah I agree with what you're saying, not every video game enjoyer is a man child and not all manchildren play video games. It's unfortunate how videogames are often portrayed in that light by the general public, yet binge watching tv is regarded as okay. I'd say as long as you're independent and your hobby isn't hurting anyone, you can do whatever the hell you want in your free time.

@Axl-ng1yj Год назад

Don't let people tell you what you can or can't do with your money and free time if you're not hurting others mate. And always remember: the stereotype of a man child isn't just a dude who plays videogames, it's the dude that plays videogames, does nothing else and lives in his mom's basement, you're not it

@gabrielbay9739 Год назад

Trauma and lack of good parenting turns you into a man-child, not being "spoiled". We learn language from our parents, the ones we love, the same with emotional intelligence, paying bills, knowing how to resolve issues and so on. Think about this, if you dont have people who love you at age 3, you dont learn a language, if you dont have people who love you at age 13, you dont learn proper coping skills to cope with the world

@sydneyharp1989 Год назад

Yes being unable to control your emotions with strangers can also be “childish” in way like Karen yelling at a teenage employee because entitlement of the customer is always right different ways to spoil someone

@Sh0n0 Год назад

Spot on. Even Gabor Maté, leading trauma specialist says Children can’t be ‘over-loved’ or spoiled up to a certain age. Children can be spoiled and loved to excess with no negative consequences. On the other hand, trauma, abuse and over-criticizing the child imprints self-defeatism into the childs’ developing brain turning them into helpless adults.

@tdreamgmail Год назад

That's a very interesting perspective. Do you recommend any particular authors or books if one wanted to learn more about your ideas?

@DJWakening Год назад

I think all three can have the outcome including being spoiled,I’ve witnessed this closely

@gear2902 Год назад

We definitely have different definitions of "spoiled". What is your definition of "spoiled"?

@kamii_999 Год назад

A quick tip for those watching this video, do not, I repeat, DO NOT pull out any student loans if your intention is to remain free.

@smirkdogeface Год назад

Why the f would I do that? It's basically financial suicide.

@kamii_999 Год назад

@@smirkdogeface Yes but you would be suprised how easy people are indoctrinated into believing college is necessary when for many it will be the reason they suffer under debt for the remainder of their lives.

@curbacz16 Год назад

That’s true. If you take out student loans, you gotta understand the repercussions of it, and fully understand how much you’ll be paying and if you can handle it. Taking out student loans for that sole purpose isn’t okay.

@EnwardHiggins Год назад

A quick tip for anyone going to college: If it's not stem it's a waste of time and money. Law is probably the only exception.

@fozlesgitit1568 9 месяцев назад

This must only apply to Americans right, in the UK you don't pay shit back

@MePeterNicholls Год назад

As a neuro divergent person, so much basic stuff is really hard work, and sometimes doesn’t even work. Navigating around being an adult is like a minefield

@elgatopoderoso Год назад

Agree.

@Pandora234able Год назад

@Julez you can’t just willpower neurodivergency

@loki-of-asgard7877 Год назад

I try to dumb things down to it's basic ideas. It helps to put it in steps in your head before carrying out a task. Step 1. Step. 2 Step. 3 etc You also learn from failure, so don't be afraid of that unless your job is on the line. Failure lets you know your weak areas so you can work on them. Without failure, there is no way to separate strengths from weaknesses. This is the whole point of tests in school to see what you do and don't know. Life is just one big test.

@loki-of-asgard7877 Год назад

However I am socially awkward in my case. I can carry out tasks, but talking to people about personal stuff puts my brain on the fritz. I don't always know the proper response to an expressed emotion or mannerism.

@loki-of-asgard7877 Год назад

@@Pandora234able I agree. Think smarter. I don't mean that as an insult. I mean literally take the time to think about different ways to do things before acting them out. What really helps is writing all your ideas to approach a problem down. You'll actually start thinking of new ways as you're writing it down. Another really big helpful tip is to write out a a "checklist." You won't skip a beat if you know what to do ahead of time. Plenty of youtube videos on how to write those out more efficiently too.

@dhans9662 Год назад

As a 16 year old who feels like he isn't mentally maturing fast enough to become a competent adult, thank you for making this. This was a real eye-opener and helped me find the way to becoming an adult.

@vibes1680 Год назад

You’re only 16 and already taking initiative you got this!

@dhans9662 Год назад

@@vibes1680 Thanks bro, I appreciate the kind words :)

@javon899 Год назад

Don't grow up too fast though, you might regret it. It's good to have initiative but take time to do 16 year old things while you still can cause you'll never be in that stage again once you're out. 26 here

@blackyonbi Год назад

Youre 16 , You don't need yo be an adult for now for gods sake. Enjoy your life and your age , you'll only be 16 once in your life.

@jeannedd.2709 Год назад

The healthiest way to grow is through relationships, whether romantic or not, the fact you’re thinking about it is big.

@murata2818 Год назад

I went through this myself and I feel like I graduated from this concept. I went to study in another country in a very small village alone for two years and that experience made me graduate from that shell. This also shows that we humans view suffering and hardships very discriminately. Most of the time those hardships are what's actually needed for a transformation to happen.

@marid.2874 Год назад

Some abusive parents will make you dependent on them on purpose by failing to teach you basic life skills. Then, when you tell them you want to move, they'll go "you can’t. You wouldn't survive without me." And they'll be right in the beginning. But when you're thrown into adult life with no skills and have to sink or swim, you learn pretty damn fast. I was raised like this, and I just hung my first load of laundry in the first apartment I have just for myself. I know it's a chore, but it feels very comforting and freeing.

@marid.2874 Год назад

@Kaleab Solomon thank you ❤

@Macabresque Год назад

How do you afford an apartment? Rent is so damn high...

@marid.2874 Год назад

@@Macabresque i don't live in the US. I live in a small French town in a tiny (15 sqm) studio that I can rent for exactly a 3rd of my (slightly above minimum wage) salary. I commute for over an hour every day for work. But I like the place, it's cute, safe and easy to keep clean.

@millerrepin4452 8 месяцев назад

Important piece of advice. Once you become financially stable get therapy. I don't mean that in a mean why but trauma has a way of distorting your decisions in ways you never realize. Otherwise stay strong your life will get better.

@JimN-oy4ru 13 часов назад

I'm living in a house with parents like that in the moment. I've never learnt to cook properly, because whenever I tried (or try) to do it on my own, my father showed up and did it for me. And when I say I don't want any help, that I'm a 18 year old and need to learn how to do things on my own, he becomes enraged and calls me names.

@blakebethel3757 Год назад

Something that I realized when watching this video. Whenever you gain responsibility over yourself, you gain freedom. That doesn't necessarily mean that when you are not free, you have to submit to other's values. This is where charisma comes in. If you are a self-independent person who openly discusses personal opinions on everything, especially if they're hot takes, or have a habit of doing anything else which is deemed negative in a person's eye, they will avoid you and if they have power over you, they will make you leave. On the other hand, if you are reliant on someone, and you are behaving in a way that they disagree with, but you have the charisma and the necessary reasoning skills in order to sway them in your direction to agree with you, then you have successfully exercised power, while still relying on that person. It is important to be likeable and social and treat your peers with respect regardless of how much power you have, whom they rely on. So in the end, just because you are responsible for yourself, that does not mean you should be a dick only because you are capable of dealing with the consequences. On the other hand, do not submit to those you disagree with either in fear that you will be unliked. Balanced and proper thinking is key.

@abby999 Год назад

i like this

@Akeirbuah Год назад

That’s not what the video promoted at all

@blakebethel3757 Год назад

@@Akeirbuah Which part of my comment are you referring to? Either you misinterpreted what I typed, or I didn't explain my thought process well enough, or I misinterpreted the video. I can clear anything up if you want.

@geek4040 Год назад

The video is amazing, but the comments on the video? Mind blowing

@dohyun4787 Год назад

Wow thanx

@zombiekidcrazy Год назад

I'm a 25 year old man. Moved out of my parents house 9 months ago to a different state alone with a professional job as a software engineer and I'm happy to have done that. And I also like where I live so that's a plus! I can't tell you guys enough how moving out of your state or country will really help in terms of seeing new things, meeting new people, and feeling like you have control over your life. It will literally change you.

@w9s992 9 месяцев назад

you dont feel lonely?

@zombiekidcrazy 9 месяцев назад

@@w9s992 Sometimes I do, but I have a few friends here and I go out often on the weekends and meet people in meetups so I do socialize.

@chrome-ph7js 9 месяцев назад

@@w9s992when you reach 40s you will miss your parents and you will teach the same to your kids who will leave you when they will enter into their 20s. its your karma cycle. imagine suffering from old age diseases and there is no one to look after you not even your kid.

@jerrylaserry443 9 месяцев назад

Yeah please elaborate, how do you not feel lonely? Im 23 and feel so crippibgly lonely

@zombiekidcrazy 9 месяцев назад

@@jerrylaserry443 I do things I like, stay in touch with my old friends and family back home, and go out to meetups to meet new people. That doesn't mean I never feel lonely, I still do from time to time, but it's s fuck ton better than staying home on the weekends all day every day.

@natxon Год назад

I am the oldest child, but I always feel like I'm never ready to be in charge of the family if unexpected things happened to my parents 😔

@mikedaugherty5501 Год назад

don’t worry necessity is the mother of invention. i’m a “man child” for the exact opposite reasons as listed in this video. being the eldest in a broken home you get heaped with responsibility you didn’t sign up for. my disinterest in obtaining more responsibility is mainly because of how thankless it can be. As recognition for being responsible is accountability if something goes wrong, you are to blame. consistency and effort, diligence and fortitude is what it is to be responsible.

@JaydenAndrewsTech 10 месяцев назад

@@mikedaugherty5501 Ayy.. it's as if you're reading my mind. I'm the eldest child in my house and that's my exact existence. Younger sibling is getting disrespectful and entitled. He actually that he's entitled to my service or responsibility to him cause he's only seen me being a deputy parent whenever our parents are not around. Sometimes it makes you hesitant to adopt any more responsibility cause that's all you've ever known.

@rome229 Год назад

It's ok to have fun, have hobbies, or take a step back from time to time. The key is to balance your priorities. Too much of something is always bad.

@tay_piss_saucer_mk.400 Год назад

Yeah, I definitely agree with your comment; Balance is control, balance is power...

@AB-fg4mh Год назад

I think the issue we have is that people communicate adulting as if it's this hard miserable thing and they can be hard on others who actually need encouragement and inspiration to grow. I had this issue when I was growing up. Father would say "freedom is responsibility" as if it's a great burden. It's not that i didn't want to grow up, but it disheartened me to even want to. And then you get treated poorly for not being an "adult" even though you are regardless of what they say.

@nataliaturner4845 Год назад

Similar. There were 5 of us, but the eldest was parentified - had to support us financially & was made to deal with all kinds of issues around family finances, housing, healthcare, etc - so she resented the role that our parents foisted on her, and was like a fountain of negativity & misery - hated every place she worked at & absolutely hated people in general, to the point of disgust. I always saw her as a parental figure growing up (13 year age gap) and our parents more like grandparents. At the same time she was parentified, we were infantilized. They didn't teach us how to do anything for ourselves. Our parents also had no life outside the house, so we were not socialized, and they always talked about how dangerous & messed up the world was, which did nothing but fuel social anxiety & reclusiveness. The marriage was toxic, too, and they were terrible models for us on how to communicate & get along with others (problems met with cold judgementalism, distance/avoidance where warmth, connection, support were required to resolve problems). So the result is that the whole family system was dysfunctional & toxic. The eldest at least got to exercise decision-making skills, and middle child had freedom from expectations enough to marry & move out at a young age, but the rest of us were robbed of self-worth & never got to realize our potential.

@childof83 Год назад

this is a very surface level video and not the reality for a lot people. Take this video with a grain of salt.

@prapanthebachelorette6803 9 месяцев назад

True

@skitjaz Год назад

The man is now independent of his family... But now he's dependent on his job.

@Notengoideasde Год назад

Well atleast in his job he is useful to society

@williamdavis3590 Год назад

@@Notengoideasde yes, how else would humans eat if I didn't cook. Oh wait...

@Notengoideasde Год назад

@@williamdavis3590 what do you mean, cannibalism?

@Xzsxztreiii 9 месяцев назад

@@Notengoideasde bro do not act like you care please 😂😂😂 “at least he’s an obedient and behaved citizen!” What are you running for mayor? Bro please

@Notengoideasde 9 месяцев назад

@@Xzsxztreiii The thing is, I don't

@Gabe-sp8ml Год назад

This video hit me like a Truck I'm 19 and always have been close and attached to my mother, decided to study abroad in another state in hopes to become more independent and self sufficient, its been 2 weeks and I can't be worse, it got so bad that even though I tried to resist I simply fell and decided to retire and go back home, I feel so disappointed in myself and also regret not having the clarity I have now to see that what I had at home was security and a true friend Today my family will come to pick me up and I truthfully don't now how to even look them at the eyes

@Purwapada Год назад

little steps each day!

@andr0zzsenpai Год назад

c'mon, you're still 19, no need to be so harsh on yourself

@millerrepin4452 8 месяцев назад

I think you misunderstood what being independent means. It's okay to call your mother and talk. You just have to deal with responsibilities without her asking, like dishes, washing clothes, managing finances, etc... Social isolation isn't any more responsible than refusing to eat healthy because fast food is "cheaper".

@Gabe-sp8ml 8 месяцев назад

@@Eshical God I forgot to reply and just like that 9 months passed Anyway this's how I'm doing currently. After returning home I started looking for some colleges in my city, waited around 5 months and now I'm studying in my local area, life at home is amazing once more and I feel amazing studying what I like

@thephilosopher5799 Год назад

I think there is a thing where parents don’t parent there kids and expect them to know all these skills at the age of 18.

@williamdavis3590 Год назад

My mom gave me anything and everything I ever needed and my dad was always around but never available. Didn't teach me anything. So yeah, I'm lost.

@user-qc9wm4uj1g Год назад

@@williamdavis3590 same here, I' ve just turned 18 and I don't know what to do with my life. This feeling kinda sucks.. just knowing that your mother was always using you to satisfy her own needs when being all good on the surface it sucks so much

@possibleproblem479 Год назад

when my dad passed at 15, my life completely lost direction. i went from having responsibilities and being held to a standard to moving into a home with zero discipline or structure. long story short, i started smoking weed, dropped out of highschool to play video games all day, and am on my way to become an adult child. im 19 years old and have no money, cant hold a job, and still struggle with weed. i have no education and no way to get an education in my area since ive burnt bridges at school. i keep hoping im going to come out of this stronger and that one day im just going to be 'fixed' and suddenly competent. but the older i get the more i realize that its going to take work to discipline MYSELF. my dad doing what he did may not have been my fault, but it is my problem. its either grow up, or be a sad loser no life forever. my brain wants to make it seem like these are both equally as painful. but im trying not to see it that way. i have been taking medication thats helped tremendously with motivation levels and feelings of hopelessness and depression. that alone is a big step in my opinion. now its just about working on this mountain of personal growth i skipped out on throughout teenhood.

@possibleproblem479 Год назад

@@putinsgaytwin4272 dead people aren't the greatest listeners.

@ThisChannelViolatedGuidelines Год назад

@@putinsgaytwin4272 his dad's dead

@Snooziac Год назад

1. Get a job. 2. Live on your own. 3. Don't talk to anyone.

@twatsuckler7968 Год назад

Invest a years worth of salary into a randomly chosen cryptocurrency too

@thesquad2253 10 месяцев назад

3. wtf

@minecraftercreeper1 7 дней назад

jobs dont pay enough

@BatuhanDere 5 дней назад

4. Save up and learn skills necessary to live off grid

@AS-xq5lz Год назад

"You'll have to cook, clean, and manage the household". Challenge accepted

@Poer_Neo-ed Год назад

remember, theres nothing wrong in following your passion for things when you liked as kids such as video games! it doesn't make you "weak" videos like these farm views, following your passion even if it's childish doesn't stop you from going to the gym/job or having a healthy lifestyle, just don't be observed with one thing or another cuz anything of too much is bad for you.

@sunn9593 Год назад

I think that's very different from what the video is trying to say.

@denki2558 Год назад

@@sunn9593 I think he was just referring to the thumbnail of the video.

@gamingozone6721 Год назад

Right brother!

@Mike09017 Год назад

The video was clickbaity, but the content is more about being able to be self-sufficient

@isfren5482 Год назад

Agreed

@RikisVlogs Год назад

Trauma messed me up in this aspect, neglect from my parents also. I wasn’t taken care of emotionally as child. Being independent can be scary and overwhelming. As well as trying fit into peoples expectations so you’re not left alone.

@siennypoole4366 Год назад

Sometimes we have parents who won't let go of control. This is a great video but in some circumstances, it doesn't work.

@jer103 Год назад

You have to have the right friends and family to live independently. You have to be taught the tools to be independent. Some things you will learn yourself, but early in life, your core values of self dependency is shaped by those around you.

@fosho332 Год назад

Wrong. A 12 year old will survive in the wild if he must.

@jer103 Год назад

A 12 year old could survive in the wild if he could hunt, forage for food, and provide shelter. Most urban children don't know how to do these things. We are giving these everyday luxuries, as children.

@karshbandicoot5037 Год назад

When you add traumas that around half of us go through that quite literally mess up how parts of our brains function, the picture becomes much, much more messy. Someone might be a stateless refugee, have grown up in a broken home, or have a chronic illness etc. for example. For them, the road to freedom is going to be very rocky and involve some things that are far more drastic and profound than the clean template and simplistic, straightforward linear progression presented in the video.

@williamdavis3590 Год назад

Yepp, it's a daily struggle on top of the normal struggles talked about in this video. A constant battle within a constant battle. Traumaception

@Kirbeast Год назад

Straight Facts

@Svemirsky Год назад

Everyone tells you HOW. No one tells you WHY.

@dappoyo Год назад

Not sure if I agree with everything mentioned, but the bit about taking control and becoming a self serving individual is good. These days we can learn to take care of ourselves a lot more and be "competent" thanks to all of the resources at our fingertips. Now it's just about getting up and doing something about it.

@dappoyo Год назад

Which, to be fair, it's always been about. Getting up and dealing with things you know will become problematic. If there's no problem now, great. It's just good to think ahead.

@othman2696 Год назад

I've experience becoming responsible and independent as an international student for 2 years now, and what you said is true, although I've failed several time to be truly independent, it somehow taught me a lot, it felt like 10 years, and I learnt a lot about myself and about the world

@lynnboartsdye1943 Год назад

This lesson is so important. Especially the part on authenticity. As an autistic older sibling I grew up going between two households which practically seem like two different worlds to me now. My dad earns more money and he’s the kind of father who’d spoil his kids rotten instead of giving them any actual emotional support or life lessons. As I grew up I found that being dependent on him meant denying things I needed for myself to thrive and gain my own independence (he is in denial of my autism and is generally unreliable in important matters) I’m slowly transitioning to moving into my moms place full time since she taught me what it means to be independent and be my own person. However my little brother recently announced that he’s going to live with dad once he graduates from Highschool, this concerns me because he’s diabetic as well as on the spectrum and he’s taken no interests that would lead him a personal path of his own choosing. While my brother and I hardly get along I fear his good relationship with our dad will sour once dad starts having expectations for him that he hasn’t build any foundation upon. Even if it’s hard to hear it is so liberating to be able to do things on your own and not have anyone hold power over your decisions.

@CareerDropout. Год назад

This made me anxious. I don’t wanna be a man child but I am scared, not about the responsibility but of the danger of being so independent

@raftingorange6085 Год назад

Hey, what’s so scary about it you think?

@CareerDropout. Год назад

@@raftingorange6085 the scenario just reminds me of Nero the emperor. “no one man should have all that power” - Ye

@raftingorange6085 Год назад

@@CareerDropout. well, power over what? (I’m not familiar with Nero!)

@CareerDropout. Год назад

@@raftingorange6085 I became distracted so I forgot what I was about to write.

@raftingorange6085 Год назад

@@CareerDropout. lool happens @ me if u wanna say later xd

@QueenZsWorld Год назад

this has a very individualistic / Western perspective that I don't entirely agree with (cause it's not relevant to my own cultural context). HOWEVER I agree with this point: everything we want requires a different version of ourselves. a version of yourself you must MATURE INTO. meaning, part of your current self must die for this other part to be born (like metamorphasis 🐛🦋) if you want to be more fit, you must be disciplined. you can't just eat or drink whatever, whenever. your sleep and wake schedule must change. you have to put in time exercising, not just when you feel like it. if you want to start a business you have to do the research, learn from mentors, get the product / service, and market your product / service. you don't get to just do one thing and give up, or expect things to just fall into place. same for relationships. you have to invest time into acquaintances if you want them to become friends. you have to learn to ask questions and not just focus on yourself. you must learn to communicate clearly & effectively while still being considerate. you can't expect things to fall into place without some work on your end

@Hot_RashBlazeBoil Год назад

I’m a 10 year old kid in Taiwan rn, while this didn’t snap me back to my responsibilities, it did make me get up from my bed and start cleaning my room, thanks for making my room more cleaner

@vi0let831 Год назад

Don't worry so much about being more mature, you're still a child and *far* away from being an adult. Just enjoy being a kid and as you grow older, hopefully you'll grow as a person too! :)

@Hot_RashBlazeBoil Год назад

@@vi0let831 I always thought that I was growing as a person, I was and still is kinda spoiled, but I have learned to not take that for granted and help my family save as much money as possible (so far none of my tactics have worked)

@vi0let831 Год назад

@@Hot_RashBlazeBoil Again, you're still young so you have a lot of time and room to improve! You're putting in a lot of time and effort into growing as a person so you're doing good already! Enjoy your childhood and don't stress out too much about maturity, you're allowed to have immature moments because you're still developing :)

@Hot_RashBlazeBoil Год назад

@@vi0let831 however, as I got older my perspective of righteousness just slowly disappeared, I thought that morals were stopping people from getting what that wanted, while I’m not a secret agent of the Illuminati (yet), I have learned the mindset of “it isn’t illegal if you don’t get caught” and decided that I used people that I don’t like for entertainment (mostly from their anger issues) or personal gain.

@ryanp7546 Год назад

@@vi0let831 wait,are you saying that we are not allowed to have immature moments when we are finished developing because we are now an adult that have to do alot of responsibilities and are no longer a kid and is forced to be dull forever because if u ask for help many people will insult u because your an adult?

@Alex-br6qt Год назад

Leaving with flatmates in my 25-30s has taught me that half of the people who seek to live in a shared accommodation at this age are child-adults. They seek that because they know (consciously or unconsciously) some grown-up flatmates will pick after their shit, do the cleaning properly, organise things, pay for the bills in time etc. And they can enjoy more money to spend on stupid things like food deliveries and weekend plane travels. And they don’t have to find a meaningful relationship where they would be forced to act more adult. The worst thing is that these same people will actually be the one who get angry and throw little tantrum if you tell them to do their part and to act responsibly. So they don’t even realise that, by acting this selfishly, they should have absolutely no rights to « revolt ». Yet they have the audacity to do so. After witnessing half of my flatmates behaving like that, I have lost a lot of faith in my generation. Note to anyone being like that: don’t trick your way into living with flatmates who absolutely never asked to parent you. If you’re already living with flatmates (or, god forbid, a partner), then it’s not just a « you problem », so stop postponing the growing up phase because your actions are poisoning not only you but everyone who have to deal with your shit.

@gothnerd887 Год назад

Also it's a great way to get murdered by your flatmate/partner.

@jacqueslee2592 9 месяцев назад

As a teenager in high school, I was precocious, mature, and even started college at an early age. An event happened to me post-college that I began to regress. I owe my regression to narcissistic parents who led me to this route. I am still recoverying but I regressed into a man child.

@TheBanjoShowOfficial Год назад

I have been openly stating pretty much everything in this video for the past few years because I have personally seen it occur in my own family and I have become increasingly aware of the effect it can have on me if not taken care of with diligence. There are two horrid types of abuse in this world from parent to child- that which is violent towards the child either physically/verbally or both; and the type of abuse that is all too enveloping and comfortable. Only we rarely discuss the latter since one would never want to terminate their own comfort for the sake of doing so. What they don't realize is they are murdering their adult self with every day they accept their childlike nature even past its expiry. The lesson? Do NOT coddle your children. Let them fall, do not pick them up. You tell them to pick themselves up and learn what to do better next time. Do NOT stack the block for your child, it is my strong conviction that among the greatest of sins, one of them must lie in the robbery of a child's ability to learn how to do something on their own, for you have committed the act of stealing away their ability to progress as human.

@MajinSayon Год назад

I wholeheartedly agree. It revolts me when parents kill the seeds of independence in their children in order to have full control over a life of another human.

@D.KlWA-aG Год назад

@@MajinSayon There are more reasons than just control It can also be done with good intent so don’t generalize

@trapaneezus Год назад

Strong men don't care or pay attention to what others are doing and go about their business. Weak men like you type paragraphs like this.

@trapaneezus Год назад

Why do you care about what other men do so much? Sus.

@cyberjayhd7051 Год назад

Brilliant video. I'm actively trying to be more competent and independent because I've been too protected growing up. Good animation and you can see a lot of effort put into this video. Well done.

@ayejaylogiz7929 8 месяцев назад

I struggled with this from 18-19. My parents did their best but I never learned how to be a responsible & contributing adult. I had to raise myself, be kind to myself as I was learning & growing, I took my time being responsible for myself. I am genuinely happy that I found away to set myself free from confusion, worthlessness, & feelings of being stuck. I no longer think I need someone to love me to be happy & no longer believe I need someone else to feel secure. By being independent & introspective I discovered more about myself that I didn’t even know I had. I’m now 23. Everything I have now. I worked & pay for myself. I have dreams & goals I will get done too. But like I did when I was 18. I’ll take my time & learn because my growth & achievements is my responsibility.

@TheCrunchifiedOne Год назад

I wish there was an 8 hr version of this, or even a book that covered similar themes. This video sums up exactly where I want to go in life and who I want to be. Brilliant!

@saadvon Год назад

there’s a 40 minute video by eternalised called puer aeturnus that is this video but more in depth and waaaay more melancholic!

@yorgostsitsikas4350 Год назад

Just look up Jordan Peterson's lectures and books.

@caelincoolz5814 Год назад

I'm sure that there's a book out there somewhere.

@DoomGappy1994 Год назад

There is this book called the new complete book of self sufficiency. I still haven't read it, but it looks good.

@DoomGappy1994 Год назад

My bad, this book is about surviving in the woods and living autonomously. There are other books on life skills, though

@sarcasticsaber8902 Год назад

As long as you know how to take care of yourself and still make "that's what she said" jokes, then you're good. Living with you're parents still? Just make sure to help mom out whenever she needs it and be nice to her.

@MiximumDennis Год назад

It's incredibly hard when I have adhd and my parents have zero idea how to deal with it so they just decided to be strict just because their abusive parents thought them that way and it ruined half my life just because my mom and dad have their own traumas and they were manipulated to spread it to me and my siblings. I don't even have a wish to live at that point, how can anyone believe I can wish to take care of myself when literally all my dreams have shattered because my parents are learned to be slaves this society and I always knew I never wanted that. It's sad.

@robiocraft2383 Год назад

Not even looking at all the other issues, adhd alone hinders the process of growing up a lot, making us a bit of late bloomers, at least for me. was officially disgnosed with it last year.

@Dispensationalism Год назад

Guys, if you have a healthy immune system. Go out and work. Earn money. Things will change

@MiximumDennis Год назад

@@Dispensationalism That only works for confident people. With my luck, I would get a grey job that will ruin my mental health more than it will help. All my life, I have been treated as a dog and the only time I didn't realize it, was when I was a legit kid asking if someone else has games on their phone. They taught me that life becomes what I do with and it's all my fault that I don't have money but that was the biggest lie of this generation. I don't depend on me, I depend from them and they taught me to be nothing more than a dog. How do they expect me to be a responsible adult? I know that because very few people from my family have own business and they were supposed to rise me to get them out of poverty? This is a legit circus. A comedy sketch. Movies that we watch have more logic than what my "lovedones" believe it. The difference is, people get money from the movies and no one can teach me to make a movie for free. :(

@Dispensationalism Год назад

@@MiximumDennis same here bro But you know what? If you start cleaning your room Going to the gym Preparing your meals And simple stuff like that. You will be no ones dog Because trust me, nooooo one cares, if you are healthy, all that matters what you think of yourself.

@Dispensationalism Год назад

@@MiximumDennis and what you think of yourself is going to change week by week if you start doing those simple changes

@colindragan9352 7 месяцев назад

I personally think the biggest thing is having responsibilities as a child. It both teaches you how to handle responsibilities on your own, and also provides skills that make your life...just better. EVERYONE should know how to clean, cook, do laundry, etc. by 18, but the number of people who don't is absurd.

@AugustusAsgeir Год назад

Thank you for this video. I grew up with nothing so I've always had to rely on myself plus I moved out at 17 to a different state. Been homeless before, etc learned so much n I'm only 24

@meh8396 8 месяцев назад

I have chronic anxiety, depression, severe trust issues, no self esteem, get panic attacks and just struggle on my own. I still live with my parents and I’m 24 and honestly, I don’t plan to seperate or move out nor do my parents really want that, I ain’t a women-child but sometimes I feel like I am. I live independently but still with them because I don’t have a lover and living alone I know my mind will kill me and my Mum can’t stand the thought of me moving away either I do my things independently and while I don’t pay my own bills and groceries since my parents deny to let me, I do however help my parents out, mainly my Mum just ask of me to help her with things like clothes and medical expenses because of her lupus. We are trying to see about splitting bills a bit but my parents just feel happier with me being here and I am too

@-_-_-_-_-... Год назад

This video basically wants you to believe the more responsibility you have, the more freedom you have because the farther away from dependence you are. What it's not acknowledging is the chains of responsibility. Let's take working a job for example. A job means you have responsibility, responsibility may give you benefits like the ability to buy something you want, but that is not freedom. Freedom isn't the ability to aquire, power is. You can walk into a car lot and use your credit to get a car. It's not because of freedom, it's because of power. Freedom is without duress, or other hardship. Freedom is the ability to be something not because you have to, not because if you don't some consequence will follow, but because you can and want to.

@hookseye Год назад

freedom shouldnt be the freedom to do as we please, its the tremendous privilege we all have to do what's right

@user-rx7uh9mg4f Год назад

Freedom is power and power is freedom.

@jigsaw2253 Год назад

@@user-rx7uh9mg4f water is wet

@POPDATA Год назад

But to get to freedom you gotta be independent and being independent means you gotta take responsibility for everything that happens to you

@bobhope5114 Год назад

The type of freedom you describe is only available to the rich and the dead.

@halcyonzenith4411 Год назад

Maybe I am weird but I enjoy being a man child, I enjoy it more and more as I get older, now approaching 40. I look like I am 25, very little stress and I have a lot of money because I saved a ton of money on all the junk that "real men" are expected to have. The more people shame me for it the more I know I made the right choice. Seeing people get angry because I won't be someone's slave is vindication for my decision to live my life for myself.

@anancapcat4221 Год назад

You don't seem like a man child then and I mean this in an honest compliment way.

@halcyonzenith4411 Год назад

@@anancapcat4221 Well thanks, this is definitely a first for me. I have been called a man child more times than I can count, for as many different reasons. The more I hear it the more it sounds like a compliment :)

@theakiwar9118 Год назад

If being a manchild means sticking to your hobbies, then I am a manchild aswell lol. But you aren’t one. You had enough responsibility to earn and save money. And to pay rent live your life the eay you want. If anything that’s what being an adult is about, not shaping you to fit others but to shape yourself to enjoy the little time you are here. I have so much money leftover, no loans, and am happy. Buy shit I like, pay my bills, pay my taxes, stick up to my mistakes, and do my responsibilities. But if I am off work, I AM OFF WORK. So my phone is off, I don’t fucking care what kinds problem you guys are experiencing, when I am clocked in bother me all you want I will help where I can then. And I love my job, but to keep stress at a minimum I have to seperate Private life from work life massively.

@halcyonzenith4411 Год назад

@@theakiwar9118 I can't lie, a bit of my financial well being comes from luck, but mostly I just didn't have a lot of expenses compared to the rat race kind of person. It's amazing, when I talk about living life for your own sake and being your own best friend, some people look at me like I'm the most selfish a hole they've ever seen. Women especially are not fond of the idea that I don't owe them anything and just want to do what is right for me. As if they are any different or better! That's the great part of this life for us, it really doesn't matter how other people react so long as their ability to cause trouble for us is limited. Hence the beauty of ghosting, or systematic anonymity.

@jasonjon 9 месяцев назад

found the genius. even jesus and the tao te ching say that being a "manchild" or "oldboy" is the highest divine state of existence for man. (matt 18:2, tao chapter 55)

@Doug_MacArthur Год назад

While I don't necessarily disagree with anything that was discussed in this archetype deconstruction and analysis, there's just so much more nuance and depth to this topic that simply can't be condensed into 1 8-minute video. Nonetheless, thank you for drawing more attention and awareness to an issue that is becoming more prevalent in today's information age and contemporary society where our basic needs are more easily met and everything is becoming increasingly automized. There are several instances that I can imagine where it's not entirely the individual's fault for being fully dependent on their parents and they are instead more so a victim of circumstance that's not 100% self-inflicted; here I'm mainly speaking about disabilities (physical and mental). However with all that being said, I commend you on distilling some major points which lead to this unfavorable condition/state, as well as postulating a tenable solution to avoid this pernicious outcome in a format that is able to be consumed by those with busy schedules and many obligations.

@sameerkaundal Год назад

I just love these videos and how they are helping us in becoming a better version of ourselves. Thank you so much for these videos, they have helped me a lot and pushed me to keep moving when things weren't good.

@iSlammedMyKindle Год назад

Thank you for this, this made me cry because this is literally what happened yesterday, because I wanted to travel someplace for the first time without my parents permission... And now I can, but my responsibilities will be out to the test

@sorarikufangirl1157 9 месяцев назад

I am currently going through this and getting myself out of this rut and I'm 30... lol... I have never lived life yet.

@Michaeljamieson10 Год назад

on the other hand, it is important to take advantage of whatever situation you are born in to produce the best outcome. If people are cooking meals for you to focus on college this is not a bad thing! I think this advice is more geared toward people who are dependent on their surrounding and not on a path of growth.

@khalilahd. Год назад

This is exactly why we don’t have Christmas everyday. You won’t value it if it’s always rainbows and sunshine. Christmas is so special because it comes once a year. That’s exactly how everything else in life works. Love this message 👏🏽

@user-we3hj3gt8p Год назад

Isn't it more like attempting to maintain an illusion? People will therefore find some temporary relief for a time.

@asuna2198 Год назад

"You won’t value it if it’s always rainbows and sunshine." Because humans have not yet evolved for long-term comfort, if the same condition persists, they will experience less emotion for that.

@aks8953 Год назад

Stop watching sports , listening to music, watching movies and tv shows then its all waste of time man childish then, watch just 1 movie once a year, listen to just 1 song once a year , you should not feel good and pleasured by doing these things every other day then.

@mishal2k557 Год назад

@@aks8953tf are you talking about?

@VeganWaifu2012 Год назад

@@mishal2k557 Mans is spitting facts, wym?

@SubstituteTeacherGarvey 10 месяцев назад

I had a good feeling watching this, I am not perfect but far from how bad I thought I was. Thank you for being there for others through knowledge and making time for us be safe. Bless & Love

@warrenbradford2597 Год назад

If I want to get better at adulting, I need to become more competent. I must avoid getting into more relationships until I gain independence.

@warrenbradford2597 Год назад

@Esh Being a better adult.

@masterkey6012 Год назад

This video spoke volume to me. Thank you!

@RakeshKumar-tu6bi Год назад

Being competent sows the seed for a new mindset of growth. Man this was the video I have been waiting for years to come up on internet. Very abstract but detailed. Amazing. Thank You

@YourThoughts. Год назад

“The greatest day in your life and mine is when we take total responsibility for our attitudes. That's the day we truly grow up.” - John C. Maxwell

@agent-33 Год назад

I agree. In my case, I want to get a job and be free financially and start my own life separated to family. But I cannot, my family do not want it, I cannot leave grandma alone so I have to be patient for now. I admit I am anxious about my future, work opportunity and capability once my grandma dies. I'm probably gonna end up miserable as them.

@neoyaku Год назад

Maybe you can learn a trade while taking care of grandma.

@semekiizuio Год назад

Or better your education. Take classes online or learn a hobbie through RU-vid.

@theakiwar9118 Год назад

You know man. If you are 18, you can leave. You have no obligation towards anyone. You can leave at any moment. No one has the right to dictate your life. It’s your choice to stay not theirs. Once you are adult no one has the right to decide your future but yourself. So don’t wait until you are 40 or whatever. Use your time

@kadavercade3597 Год назад

The only thing I couldn't do is successfully land a job. It's like this since January. I could cook, clean, and buy groceries on a budget, but landing a job is challenging.

@celebrityfashionandlifestyle84 Год назад

This is such a great video...Loved it💕💕 To be truly free you have to take your own responsibility... Definitely going to do it for my growth...

@DanielleFreeman-im1yj 9 месяцев назад

This is a gentle wake up that I needed.

@savagekid94 Год назад

Life is hard but the best moment of my life is being able to go off and become independent. I would always talk about how much I cant wait to get older and think about what possible life I would live back in highschool, and while its not exactly as pictured, I wouldn't be satisfied with it because I have most of what I always wanted. I grew up in a house of 8, and although I miss those times, I couldn't wait til I had my own space and got my life started. I'm spending it with a partner and we live together in our first house now. It's definitely an adventure.

@user-qc9wm4uj1g Год назад

So happy for you! Wish you spend this time of your life as wonderful as ever!

@yamansanghavi Год назад

This is exactly what Jordan Peterson has been saying all along. You can't talk about rights without talking about personal responsibility.

@blackcopycat4967 Год назад

What?

@trapaneezus Год назад

Jordan Peterson wants you to give him money so he can sit on his ass while you grind yourself to the bone for people who are actively hostile towards you.

@TDG361 Год назад

Great video! We should all know this somehiw or have someone talk to us about it. I have taken care of my own personal growth, professionaly, emotionally, spiritually, etc. for a long time now, it is not easy, but is so rewarding. The roles have changed now, I take care of my parents, due to a medical condition my father has. 😄

@realitycheck4746 Год назад

You think having student debt and a 9 to 5 job is fun? There's never been a day I woke up glad to pay bills and taxes. 95% of our lives are wasted to make money to survive and other responsibilities, so enjoy that 5% of freedom.

@someguywithabirdface2583 Год назад

I would say probably wage slave yourself and save up for community college or trade school.

@HaveANceDay Год назад

The key I think is that freedom is an elusive concept. The naive thought is that freedom is unilateral and something above the collective. But it is the collective, the family, the neighborhood, the community, that provides freedom. Therefore if you want that freedom, you need to contribute to the society that brings you this freedom. This goes through the social contract (which I don't accept as a true contract but rather a moral background where you are forced to navigate). By taking responsibility, you are bringing value to your society. If you want society to provide you, you must bring value to the society first. And then when the tree bears good fruit, you will be able to demand the means to maintain the good fruits, since it will be valuable for others. Freedom is a two-way relationship. Therefore I liked a lot the concept of revolt in this sense.

@traiascacodreanu4553 Год назад

Freedom. We aren't free.

@Leopard69 Год назад

@@traiascacodreanu4553 yura negative Nelly

@stockimageguy8941 Год назад

You aren't putting the collective above yourself by finding mutually beneficial relationships. The family and the neighborhood are direct obstacles to freedom that must be overcome otherwise you will end up a slave to them. Sure you will need to work for them at some point but their interest are never imposed on to you as the individual. The collective does not come above the individual.

@franciscopostigogarcia2694 Год назад

No. The more independent you are, the more unattached you are to society and the less responsibilities society takes for your wellbeing. Two extremes of this would be a very disabled person needs money from tax payers to live (other people taking responsabolities) but a completely independent person who built its own houses and water systems in a mountain doesn’t own society anything and doesn’t have to contribute in any way more than not attacking others

@franciscopostigogarcia2694 Год назад

Society brings you responsabilities, not freedom.

@TheMrstar01 9 месяцев назад

I liked how you emphasized that adulthood is mostly about responsibility, accountability and competence on fulfilling oneself's needs. Often when we think about adult-children we think about Marvel/DC/Disney/Anime/Manga adults. I came from a mildly-privileged upbringing and despite not having to work trhough my education my family made sure I was a competent adult. I used to punish myself for having "childish" hobbies (like Pokemon video games) but I've recently come to terms that being an adult is not about denying yourself from the things that made you happy as a kid. Adulthood is, like you said, a state of competence, we can enjoy anything fun and quirky as long as we're competent enough to provide those treats for ourselves and, of course, not become addicted to them.

@mckennalynn1916 8 месяцев назад

Really liked this video, and it really resonated. Going to try and do my best to be responsible and accountable.

@experiencecollector92 Год назад

We exist forever, remain youthful in spirit, heart and thought. Nothing matters. There is no man-child, only the perception of one.

@NS-ms5eg Год назад

This is how I felt after I moved out of my parents’ house at 24 in 2014. It was a bit Rocky at first but I was able to find my place and become self sufficient. Then in 2017 I got married. Over those 3 years I’ll admit, I did slide a bit. Fast forward to today, we’ve been separated/divorced(pandemic stress was a huge contributor). Now I’ve grown far more self sufficient than when I was pre marriage. I was able to quit porn, alcohol, caffeine overconsumption(briefly). And I gained spiritual growth thanks to Buddhism. I would not have done any of this if we were still together. Sure I have my low moments but overall I’m happy with how self sufficient I have become!😀😀

@Dorimuzika Год назад

This video really touched me and changed my life. Thank you freedom in thought. :)

@SeshGod69 Год назад

Oh my god Thx so much. The importance of responsibility for freedom is something so many people dont get. For many people Freedome ist the exact opposite of responsibility for one self and others. But i think it does not just mean responible for your own life. Adulthood means for me to be able to give up a part of yourself, and take responsibility for a child.

@rogelioaguas2322 Год назад

I suffered from severe depression and social anxiety disorder during my youth and everytime I tried to learn something my parents (and many times my peers) used to belittle me or scold me for every little mistake. Now I am clinically recovered but I feel I didn't learn many things and I don't know where to start from.

@thephilosopher5799 Год назад

This sounds like me and i just turned 18 2 weeks ago. There is still time to change and learn what you want to do. The past doesn’t matter rn, it’s what you can do in this moment.

@sarcasticsaber8902 Год назад

Same. Here. When you been scolded so damn much, your mind teaches you to avoid mistakes. So I started learning from people who encouraged mistakes and I got more comfortable making them.

@nushia7192 Год назад

The problem with forcing someone to not use coping mechanism, is like making them more vulnerable into getting into addiction.

@kirasmith3489 9 месяцев назад

Breaking out of childhood and healing from the past is, I think, the key to becoming your own person. I'm still in the works for this, but progress is the best feeling.

@user-cn6cm7gi3t 9 месяцев назад

I was a drug addict for most of my life. I am grateful that I have anything. Be true to yourself. I am sober now. If you care what society tells you to be then you are buying their drug. Trust me or don't, but you can learn more from someone who fuct up that someone who was perfect.

@turroluca Год назад

I am a bit scheptical about personal responsibility. it is true that you have to assume your own responsibility, however most of the time , when someone talks abut personal responsibility is masking and reducing group/colectivity/society problems to an individualistic level.

@ChiDante Год назад

Yet on the other side there is an epidemic of "independence" that tells mothers that they are suppose to do everything on their own. The sickness of separation, which is living a lie. For no human existence by themselves.

@user-em9cl9il8x Год назад

I am the first follower from Sudan... Thank you so much…

@someone6615 10 месяцев назад

You know why I appreciate this channel so much? It is because it provides honest, thoughtful and unique content on philosophy, which is comprehensible and is actually proving to be very, very helpful to me. Thankyou Freedom in Thought, best wishes for your future! :)

@kennethwilliams543 Год назад

I'm surprised this video didn't cover the biggest issue concerning actual people taking personal responsibility. Which is when your legitimately responsible for another life and not just your own. Too many people are "free" to have casual sex but never take heed to the responsibilities it inevitably comes with nor plan for it.

@vincentstowell8563 Год назад

Interesting. Don't you think that this is complicated by cultural context? In many parts of the world today, and throughout the world for most of history, people could never earn such freedoms. What's described here is the independence created by a developed mass-commerce society, where dependence can be shifted from the community to the market and government, using money as an exchange. In the past you would have remained dependent on your close community members for support, your father's trade for a job, and your family's connections and marriage choices for other lifestyle determinants. Becoming an adult wasn't exactly about independence, but something more like becoming able to support others close to you, while everyone remained dependent on one another. Now the systems that you're dependent on are huge institutions, which are farther away, and which will always accept your money rather than needing you to be a certain way personally

@Active0Bserver Год назад

Great point. The term "interdependence" comes to mind.

@MajinSayon Год назад

Exactly. You're only free when you live alone in the boonies, in a house you built yourself, grow your own food, chop your ow firewood, make your own clothes and don't depend on money. This video calls freedom a simple dependence on government.

@williamdavis3590 Год назад

@@Tracchofyre You're definitely onto something here. I'm not sure either, but I know you're onto something. It's capitalist thinking in a capitalist society. I feel very strong until I step out into the world and am around my peers. In their eyes I am weak because I value different things than them. It's very disheartening to think and feel so differently.

@williamdavis3590 Год назад

American society makes me sick. I need to get out but don't have the money to do so. And yes, our "community" now is all a popularity contest and how many material things one can own and who one dates. It's about status. We no longer care about each other. Many people seem to think they do. But I don't buy it. It's a deeper societal issue that most aren't even aware of

@smjbr79 Год назад

The way society is set up now is giving people a crisis of meaning. We are bombarded with hustle culture and now if you're not working 60 hours a week with 3 jobs you are considered a loser. Humans, as a whole, were never meant to work 60 hours a week to allow someone else to buy a boat longer than a football field and have 6 homes. We are a community driven species and we have lost that in today's modern society leading to people feeling unmotivated and in turn leads to destructive behaviors. We are way too individualistic driven by consumer culture. I think your video is blaming individuals and not questioning things like the validity of structures like capitalism. Also, i think this issue is way over blown. As a working-class person who has owned their own business in the past i can tell you I see way more people of all ages working way too much rather than the outliers that choose not to work and are just generally lazy.

@nushia7192 Год назад

Weaklings always groups up with others. Independent ones, were always the stronger species.

@Friendly_Neigborhood_Astolfo Год назад

Doesnt mean it is necesaarily bad especially if you are trying to run a business. Again nuance

@sarcasticsaber8902 Год назад

@@nushia7192 strength in numbers

@sarcasticsaber8902 Год назад

That's why I'm trying to work 5 hour shifts instead of 7. I think as long as you can look after yourself, you're good.

@Friendly_Neigborhood_Astolfo Год назад

I like individualism, doesn't mean being in a group is bad, but group think is a dangerous mindset to have because then nobody can think for themselves then

@christopherpetrov2355 9 месяцев назад

Everything is covered 👍! Therefore I always teach my parents how to do simple stuff so that they don't remain dependent on me !!

@ethantheodore9566 Год назад

This is my little sister and I need to share this with her

@reanimatedmanx Год назад

That's not even fucking bad, I wish I WAS A MAN-CHILD, HECK, I had to work/learn my ass off in this life HARD since 12 y.o to 30 NON-STOP, every "luxury" I earned was just me being stubborn with my desire to get them as nobody else could, economically, poor parents, only basic needs where met, also I had to take care of a good chunk of their debt, even now I have to help them a lot, because they are old 🤷‍♂. I developed a few mental health issues, stress at it's peak, depression, etc. So yeah, I would gladly want to get 1-20 as being taken care off and having a proper life and then learning, rather than exposing myself to so much stress and not having any childhood. "The man is fully dependent on others, he is a man-child, as long as he remains dependent, he will never be free" Let's see how much freedom you will be getting from a 5-30 years mortgage, I'll rather be a man-child for an eternity, then to get through the suffering since 12, no impactful guidance, trying a bazillion things just to see what sticks to my brain, learning on my self (thanks for the internet at least) anyways, my point is, if you HAVE an option to STAY man-child/women child for longer, FUCK don't rush on "being an adult" PLEASE DON'T FUCKING RUSH, ENJOY EVERY SINGLE BIT OF YOUR YOUTH. Don't let such BS videos dictate you what the "social norms" are.

@GiftedToMe Месяц назад

I needed this video so much. From a 22 year old man, who has been assisted by his dad most of his life, I really needed this push to become more independent. Even before this video, I questioned if my dependence on my parents was okay. With this look, I believe that becoming more independent will do me so well. Thank you.

@GLaYn 9 месяцев назад

This is by far the best RU-vid video ever PERIOD.

@parkouremaster Год назад

I was a spoiled kid, and event today's day i'm being called spoiled child, because i still live with my parents at my 25yo, but that is because i have a good relationship with my parents and as they say "you don't have any responsability" in the way i have no childrens, but that doesn't mean i did not provide for my house.

@Glenningway 9 месяцев назад

Thing about the rich/spoiled kid is that it's very easy for them to get into relationships. Sometimes they inherit the family business, while the poor, more responsible person ends up with nothing aside from student loan debt and a failing and ever changing job market.. It's nice to get assistance from family, I do agree that it gets taken for granted by spoiled people.

@KumManish 9 месяцев назад

Surreal, m in a university now....stayingg in hostel managing all your chores n everything in a decent wayy has changed myself...I remember those days when I was dependent on my beloved parents for all this. Now, I am grown up and becoming more prominent to improve lives not only me, my parents but for the world 🤩✌🏻

@willowoodz Год назад

this is exactly the video i needed. thank you!

@nushia7192 Год назад

No, responsibility is learned through mistakes, if a child cannot make a mistake it inhibits them to actually at peace with themselves and not panic while making a mistake.

@KickOutTheJhm Год назад

Exactly what is described in the video is what has happened to the majority of society, except in many cases we rely of government instead of daddy.

@nicolasmagno4434 Год назад

Straight to the point.

@KickOutTheJhm Год назад

@@nicolasmagno4434 People can say what they want about government, you would never see a tyrannical and overbearing government in a society that is truly moral and free, we have it because we all wanted it and we all wanted it because we dont want the responsibility and suffering it takes to lead ourselves.