Peter Pan Syndrome - 5 Signs That You Are A Man-Child 

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1. You have sexual compulsions (masturbation/porn) 2. You’re uncommitted (you have ideas, but don’t start/finish them) - pick a project, define a point of completion, stick with it no matter what 3. You have anxiety - embrace it, don’t run away from it 4. You avoid responsibility - clarify what’s important for you, commit to it 5. You’re lying - notice when you lie, start telling the truth I like the conclusion “it’s not your fault”. We couldn’t control how we were raised in the childhood. Realizing you’re a man-child is a half-work. What’s important is to not put guilt into our fathers or us, but to try to work with the mess that we are in today, without constant judgement.

Jeez, I am 56 and I can identify with all of these 5 signs. Scarey, but true. The journey starts here...

I feel 15 still but I am 37 I feel like i am stuck at that time of my life I met my ex-girlfriend. We was together 20 years and I still feel I’m still there 😢

I am a 35 year old and feel like a child. It even impacts the type of conversations that i have with people my age

Im 25 and i realized im a man child all I do is go to work,smoke weed ,and play the game i live with my mom along with my 3 lil siblings but i pay all the bills no car and dont save money im saying all this because i ask for some words of encouragement, prayers, and harsh criticism/tough love

I always thought/believed that keeping the child in me alive was a way of spiritual growth and an act of rebellion towards what society conditions us to be. Reaching 38 now, still living with mom, lost another job recenty, escaping myself with weed, alcohol and videogames, every relationship run away from when things got a hard, every project, job, course enthusiastic started but never completed...yup I am definition of Peter Pan syndrome... I also loved the film Hook when I was an actual kid. Thank you for creating this video, it has woken me up in ways nothing else could.

I feel like everything went wrong with me. Im a 24 year old man with aspergers and my father was a drunken, unstable man and my mom was, as you said, very coddling and it made me rely on her. She even abuses this fact to this day. Fortunetly I didn't tick everything on the list but I still have a lot of shaping up to do. Wish me luck, guys because I really need it

Damn son, 26 years old here. Its insane that I'm coming here now, I'm actually up at 3am watching this. I havent watched the video yet, but I'd like to say I appreciate the effort to help those like me. I've looked all over trying to figure out what's up with me. I'm only now starting to realise that my mom got with my step dad who was originally living at his moms when they met. He raised me for 14 years. He was rude, angry, anxious, avoidant. It didn't occur to me that he was a grown child. I mean it did but I didn't think about how it affected me because I hated him. Noticing it now its almost like I've been competing with him on how to be better at being a man child. I hope its possible to get rid of this autopilot tunnel vision ordeal.

This was pure gold and came at the perfect time, the effort and dedication you put into this really shows. Not just explaining the issue but giving actionable steps to overcome them. You’ve gained a like and a subscriber! 🎉

spot on.I clicked expecting a bunch of woowoo shit of manifesting and shit, but turned out to be a really practical set of tips. about the video, i was a very anxious kid and became a type a personality and was struck with severe anxiety,the kind that the physical symptons made me avoid life pretty much.After years of avoidance, victim mentality and absolute fear of dying I realised the anxiety was not curse instead it is like my anxiety is a alarm to my true path in life, everytime im not being true and honest with my self and stray away from my path , anxiety comes to remind me what im doing

This was really fascinating And you a have fantastic presence and explaining things ❤

Unfortunately I hit all 5 of these points and then some. Im seeking therapy and hoping to get better while I still have time

The quote about commitment was excellent. Great vid, mate. Keep it up 👊

I only recently started a serious career and caring about life. I feel like I am inching toward my goals, but at least I have goals now.

Thanks Oliver. This video resonated a shitload with what's happening/ been happening in my life for years.. liked and subbed

This is very good, very good. I like how you broke it down, explained the why, and the exit plan. I think my husband has this. I thought for the longest while he was a narcissist it doesn't really fit his behavior and mindset. Peter Pan syndrome does.

Guilty, another great video brother!

6th sign: Having a generic print of the Mona Lisa balancing on top of an Ikea couch.

Great video

Pretty good Oliver, pretty good!

Thank you. I already heard that before, but the way you presented it made me click things. Thank you so much. I think I need mature friends to help me, and therapy, of course.

I am 22, I still single because I am not ready to live with someone... I don't have a driver licence, I live at my parents home and almost finished my studies, I feel like I can't take care of someone. I stopped social medias some weeks ago, and watching news on TV because 90 % of the time it's bad news. It already feel weird to quit studies because I didn't prepare myself. I heard about man-child and google it. And I know now my weaknesses and I am a Man-Child... so I confirmed my decision ! Meanwhile I didn't get over this Peter Pan status I promess to stay single. I have a future anxiety to seek a job or the AI, world's conflict, my parents said I am too much mature because I don't watch TikTok, I don't follow big French youtubers (I am a frenchman) and I always dislike to be Mr. everyone and be so different, my classmates always see me like a wierd man but now I don't care like I did some months ago.

OMFG you know your shit! I figured a lot of this myself, I am in my 30s now, but did not do much about it in order to fix it. I did fix some, but way more is to go. Putting it in so well together in words, it is just amazing and give me confirmation on the right perspective. Also yes, this is not surface level shit, but the good actual stuff we need! Thank you! Like and Subbed! :) All the best to you and your family man!

Brilliant! THanks

I find this video very confusing, because I feel like I have "Peter Pan Syndrome" to a certain degree, due to absent/passive father and all that, but I'm almost the exact opposite of those 5 signs.

Wow Oliver Knows what he's talking about, I have ALL the symptoms.

Oh my God I wish you could have given this talk to my dad :( He wasted his entire life. It was such a drag to know him. And he could have been such an amazing guy.

That last bit of the video is spot on. Regardless of all the false “acceptance” movements going around - nobody gives a flying fuck if a man doesn’t have it figured out. Add the fact that attention has become a scarce resource and you get a deeply troubling society for young men and men dealing with PPS to grow.

I’m 20 but I still feel like I’m maybe 13, 14. Just that kid who would mess about in school with friends and didn’t worry about a single thing in life because “I’ll figure it out later”. Now I just miss being that age and everything is quite overwhelming, hard to find a sense of direction. In some ways I don’t want to grow up and even am slightly scared to, while also wanting to be completely self sufficient and independent and dependable for all those around me. I still try to take action towards anything I can and I try my best to remain disciplined and responsible and mature in all aspects of life but it never feels like I’m truly growing up. Just feels like aging physically with more challenges to face but still stuck in the young years trying to find my way around

I regress often to that mindset. Especially after my burnout. I know what I should do, but my depression and anxiety slow me down all the time.

Love it thanks wish ur videos was long to listen in the bath or bed haha ❤

I watched your video, and I appreciate your point of view. However, in my defense and maybe other people who feel like I do. I think it's important to recognize that all individuals struggle with all of these 5 things to different degrees and at different stages of their lives. And it seems to me you're painting a picture of an idealized man. That being said, I think what is the most important trait in an adult. Is self awareness, and the ability to recognize your weaknesses and furthermore the willingness to work towards improving one self everyday.

I have PTSD and narcissistic abuse and childhood trauma and my father was never really in my life my dad cheated on my mom they divorced when I was 13 and I’ve been avoiding my life and stuck in grief and loss and pain emotional trauma and complex trauma

Thank you

You'll be a great dad

If u really intrestred in this topic, Japanese call this for hikikomori, there is deep understanding of this.

I still remember being punched in the face when I was in year 4 at primary school I must of been 7 years old I’m 39 years old now I still have no confidence in myself my life has felt like a disaster I lost my mum 6 years ago I still don’t feel like a real man I have to many thoughts and ideas and I honestly don’t feel good about anything

Thanks...

Thank you for the video. It was very helpful. I can totally relate to everything you mentioned; my story with my parents was a bit different. My father was around but my mom didn’t let him being involved in my childhood. I can relate to being a mommy’s boy and seeking for her comfort in an intimate relationship. Being a gay man it makes it even more twisty because looking for this fulfillment in another man makes it seem very sick from the outside point of view. I would appreciate if you could also talk about this topics related to gay men a bit more. Thanks again Oliver!

Playfulness is more fun then being boring 😂

mate, are having call with you for the first time need payments.. did not get that information on the calendly..

Guilty of a few of these. Im under 20 so there is hope

What's the female version, syndrome name? Must be one. And it's more common than male version nowadays (but males are gaslighted otherwise, shaming tactics, especially in public space).

I'm all of these but i'm a women

How did you get inside my head? The diagnosis I received is ADHD, not this, though.

Had a rude awakening with woke writers for gaming companies, like Sweet baby, then i saw exactly 2 vids from Jordan Peterson, then i found myself here. Idk how much blame to take, or to project to others, because i grew up with adhd and autism. But i’m thankful i have a part time job. I’m 25, and many people would say i’m young. But i don’t think so. I think i’ve thrown away a lot of opportunities between forgetting and refusing to take my meds in college. I wound up detoxing from them while doing garden work at a monastery, and now i’m a garbage guy for a local general store. I feel like i’ll always be asling questions because the only i answers i know are “repeat what you learned” which i adopted at school, “run from your problems and feelings” which i learned when a kid betrayed my opinion of my crush to my whole class, and “just go with it” because i want to be nice to others even if i didn’t always agree. So i became passive, receptive to my whims. But i just got my first chicken cooked with my mom’s help despite her being sick. It… feels bad making her give me the help i need. I wish i grew up sooner. And I fear I’ll wish that every day until my final breath. Maybe i should look for some kind of carpentry thing, i got some teaching while at the monastery from building small porches in the hermitage.

As a single parent (mother) to two boys I'd love to know how to fill the void of the absent father without prohibit the boys' journey into manhood

Oliver what are your thoughts on ADHD?

How does this not have a million views?.. man keep going you are great!

So I have number 1 and 5 but I'm 20 years old, do I have Peter Pan Syndrome?

I was doing good, but then I tried to date and it brought out all of my trauma all over again.

Is this also why I’m gay? My mother was my father and mother at the same time until I was 15, because my dad was always working outside of 🇺🇸, and I learned how to cook, clean and even babysitter my brothers. Now I’m gay, I’m 34 but I feel 19. I see my friends and I see them super old looking and I’m say to myself “ew they ugly and fat” and I look at myself and I look super young on the mirror. Also I’m afraid to get old the thought scares me so much and idk I keep thinking about things I wanna do but then i realized I’m old not young. I want to be normal and have a family. Even tho I’m gay I haven’t had a boyfriend or girlfriend or sex. I’m just a dam teen. Also my friends are 19-25. Is crazy and embarrassing now

I’m a 52 year old boy But I know it’s trauma

I needed to see this video to know that I was a man-child 6 years ago Thank you so much Oliver

❤

This is 100% my father.

Discovering your partner is a man child as the effort drops is nothing less than revolting. There are role models everywhere as we move through life, it doesn’t always fall on a father. Men 30+ will have met many role models and discovered that remaining a teen isn’t a good thing. In my opinion it’s just easier to not grow up so they choose not to. What’s even more revolting is man children who show their masculinity by belittling women and treating them as subordinates. I see it often. What a joke. (I’m not talking about all men, neither am I anti men, just anti man child in relationships - also I know a few women like this too! )

I just concentrate on eating healthy, getting in shape, try speaking more directly learning to control the situation once in a while. Make direct eye contact treat women the same as men I mean don’t change your personality for women.

Damn the wording is so specific ´´looking to climb back inside the womb´´ I had that exact thought when i hugged my mom on lsd, that felling of safety from the outside world. I really like this video, seems like my overthinking can lead me to these explanations that seem to be right, only problem is that i don't do anything with that information, even thou I feel better in my own head at least something I guess. Everything that you said fits so perfectly, now I just need to actually do something and not just make more excuses to waste time on pointless entertainment that is not even entertaining anymore mostly just a way to escape.

beleive it or not the movie x men made me from a boy a man at age eight from 2000 AD because of mystique its like you think disney princesses are cool well watch this and yet disney owns fox which owns the x men

Interesting….

“ *Hell is full of parents, especially dads* “ “_George Carlin_”

🎉

Im a manchild but I don't care anymore. I already gave up with life.

I have been diagnosed with ADHD about four years ago, but lately I’ve come across this and I feel this fits me a lot more. Is this a thing

I was told I was a man child simply because I played video games and race RC cars as a hobby. At first I thought yeah maybe, but I don't know that's the case. Sure I watch porn and do the M word, but I don't do it constantly. I suppose it could be "Compulsive" but it's not something I do every single day and ritualize it. I am committed. I have a wife, two kids, and I take care of them and want to be with them and spend time with them. Now I do have anxiety, but... I'm a combat veteran and a lot of my anxiety comes from a different place and I have been getting help (some therapy and zoloft have helped considerably)... Responsibility? I jump into it. I am well respected at work and in my field. I'm a section manager and I deliver on every single project I'm involved in to a very high degree. When it's time for raises I always get a fat one and I don't believe I have had a year where I wasn't awarded a bonus because I always push above and beyond. I don't lie. My wife tells me I should try to sometimes lol. I'm the opposite, just brutally honest. To a fault. I did not really have a father figure. I had an abusive step father, my biological father just bailed, and had to remind myself that this is not how a man is supposed to treat his children so when I had kids I did it VERY different. So I guess my question is this: Is Peter Pan syndrome or Manchildism defined or is it possible to be defined simply by having hobbies that are considered "Childish?" Thoughts?

Im 25 i feel like im 15

I have no interest in relationships and prefer the joys of Nature since age 5. Is this avoiding Life? I don't get it. There is no official blueprint. Please explain. To me, Success is not needing it. i like being celibate despite a sex drive and some porn. It is a much more peaceful existence.

The strange this I found about my last relationship {which was after a year and a half of self imposed singledom) was that she believed I pushed her into the mothering role when that’s genuinely the last thing I want. I’ve been through many acts of commitment, overcome addiction, am devoted to my daughter and know that i am also committed to being the man I want to be. I have bipolar and experienced a manic episode which I think triggered her into believing this but I was I’ll - I think this is very different to me being well and did require some input of care. We’ve broken up now as it felt like the relationship polarised us to some degree but more so that she believed something was happening that i honestly don’t agree it was. It still hurts though, I was also 100% committed to her. Better I find someone that can see who I truly am. There was also an age difference….Im 44 and she’s 27.

when you watch happily just the right video to send to your wonderful yet peterpanish husband and you realize it speaks to you too 😅😂 we do have a good excuse though - we are artists, so its a bit more tricky because there is conscious choice to keep that wonder ridden free spirit protected and nourished and at the same time grow a strong adult. Not one or the over, but both… which I guess what growing into hero/ess essencially is. Thank you Oliver!! You have super lovely compassionate delivery. There is a term “male mother” you might heard of and these are shaman-like male figures who were the ones to take boys through initiation.. the ones who can hold and embody both - mother’s kindness and father’s clarity and devotion to the one goal.

nah im a man i have none of these issues i used to tho

The background music is so annoying you can’t even bare to listen to this guy speaking.

Everything you're saying is all fine and dandy, but these adolescents are not going to pay any attention to any of this good advice. The first step in reaching these adult adolescents is to get them to listen. That is nearly impossible

Thanks for this video. The guy I like exhibits man child behaviors in his 30s. It’s so hard to be with him, so I think I’m going keep him as friend 😢 All my friends and family warned me that I should not want to “mommy” a man child (rough life)

This was a very informative video, but the electronic "music" in the background sucked. I found it irritating and distracting.

What is the name of the same syndrome for woman?

What if your a man but everyone treats you like a child?

The cause of this was the economic turmoil in 2008, housing crisis, recession, and pandemic. These socioeconomic crisis were the reason as many men when becoming 18 ended up not fulfilling the milestone of having a job, no less a summer job, to help out with the bills at home or start living on their own or finance college to learn the basic skills of independence. This happened to me and I am in my 30s. I went through isolation and regression, but my health and relationship with family began to deteriorate at 18 as the pressure to become independent and an adult were not fulfilled. My recovery outcomes from 2008 crash and hospitalization would have been better if I had supportive family during hard times, but they just made matters worse that I went on a spiral of decline, then housing crisis and pandemic happened. Moment of silence for all those men who are the lost generation.

Is this possible to have a Peter Pan syndrome as a girl? Because I may have it

Here's a list identifying 20 of these fallacies, along with brief explanations: 1. Hasty Generalization: Generalizing the behavior of some men as "man-child" based on limited observations. 2. Appeal to Authority: Citing his own experience with men to substantiate broad psychological claims. 3. Appeal to Ignorance: Suggesting that the absence of a father or male role model is the primary or sole reason for the alleged psychological issues, without substantial evidence. 4. Begging the Question: Assuming that the "man-child" phenomenon is real and problematic without providing a robust argument to prove this assertion from the outset. 5. Circular Reasoning: Using the term "Peter Pan syndrome" to describe men who act like children and then using childish behaviors to prove the existence of this syndrome. 6. False Dichotomy: Suggesting that men either face life head-on or remain in an adolescent state, ignoring other nuanced approaches to life and maturity. 7. Red Herring: Introducing irrelevant matters like sexual behaviors and their supposed links to emotional connections with mothers to the discussion of maturity. 8. Straw Man: Misrepresenting the opposition by implying that critics or other viewpoints might trivialize the importance of psychological maturity. 9. Overgeneralization: Extending the behavior of a few individuals to all men experiencing similar circumstances. 10. False Cause: Claiming that specific behaviors (like anxiety or sexual compulsions) directly result from a lack of fatherly initiation, without considering other possible psychological or social factors. 11. Slippery Slope: Suggesting that a lack of traditional initiation rites inexorably leads to lifelong immaturity and psychological issues. 12. Moralistic Fallacy: Assuming that because becoming a mature, independent man is desirable, the methods proposed (like facing life head-on) are the only correct ways to achieve this. 13. Bandwagon Fallacy: Implying that because many men reportedly face these issues, the observations and conclusions drawn must be universally applicable and accepted. 14. Appeal to Emotion: Employing emotional appeals to instill fear about remaining a "man-child" rather than using logical reasons why one should strive for maturity. 15. Ambiguity: Using vague terms like "emotional dependency" and "man-child" without clearly defining them, making the argument difficult to analyze critically. 16. Non Sequitur: Claims about sexual behavior and compulsions do not logically follow from the previous arguments about emotional immaturity tied to familial structures. 17. Cherry Picking: Selecting only those instances that support the narrative of failed adult transitions due to paternal absence, while ignoring cases that contradict this narrative. 18. Loaded Question: Framing questions and problems in a way that presumes unproven theories about psychological development (like Peter Pan syndrome). 19. Ad Hominem: Subtly criticizing men who would not watch the video, implying they are in denial or irresponsible, thereby discrediting them rather than addressing their potential arguments. 20. Appeal to Flattery: Commending viewers simply for watching the video as a way to keep them engaged, rather than focusing purely on delivering factual or helpful content. These fallacies detract from the logical integrity of the argument, relying instead on emotional appeal, generalizations, and assumptions rather than evidence-based conclusions.

I am 57 and have never felt like an adult. I was productive and working in my dream career until about 5 years ago. I lost my confidence in my ability to handle challenges so I don't challenge myself in any important way.

The problem with this era besides neglect fathers is also unprecedented inequality in wealth and resources. Many intelligent, logical guys would love to dive into their nature talents but know that they may never receive worthy success because everything has been done before and there are so many corners and areas of business that are already too cornered by massive wealth and corporate control, it would be nearly impossible to earn the success you deserve for the effort thus we have the toxic grind where you are working or thinking of work every waking moment just to stay relevant.

Yeah im revolted by him now. Hes 32 peter pan syndrome. Had to get his mummy to pick up stuff from his exs house it had been months almost a year. His mummy made up going on holiday to that area to convieniently pick up the stuff . He didnt see anything wrong with this?. Lies about having a bafta working with people like anne marie and aj tracey. His film skills are basic level to get an entry level job which is cool but hes all " im a professional editor etc". He wont look at entry level and refuses to get any job that isnt in film

Thank you for this! I could never verbalize how my state of arrested development felt, and once I heard talk I instantly knew what I was dealing with. 😥 Whew and I’m a woman.

The cure for this is just doing the work. Whatever work that needs to be done, you do it. Even if you don't have a job, surely there is something that you can do. Preparing meals for example, cleaning the house, cleaning yourself, any domestic work. Try to get an online remote job if you're good with computers. Maybe there is someone whom you can help. Never be idle, always do something. Even breathing exercises or meditation, it's a kind of work too.

46 yo i really like playing PC video games and playing with my wifes titis.😂 im self away.

I am a man child but honestly i ain't made to impress a girl or anyone and i am who i am and fell save being even in this day in age .

This is less to do with personal psychology and more to do with the fall in standards of modern society.

its not my fault my mom was a monster. its not my fault that set me on a path of misery and f-ing up all the time. im 40 now. still nowhere there. ITS NOT MY FAULT. BUT ITS VERY WELL MY RESPONSIBILITY.

My case is different still. I'm a complete nihilist (anti-natalistic nihilist, if you must ask), and I feel like where I'm down, it's way harder to find my way up than just "being a manchild". But it's ok. I learned to live with it... Sorta. I need to just find my people... If I can even bring up the motivation for that. I'll be ok...

It’s not the man’s fault What they must do is work with this trauma I was coddled and my dad neglected me I’m still working thru it at 52 Life time of drug addiction and poor parenting and rebellious in school Hard path

i have a spongebob poster in front of me, guess that makes me a "man child"

i am a girl but i love seeing men working on themselves❤ its never too late.

I say enjoy it.

Guys please understand this, there are still women out here that love you and want you to be amazing and powerful. I stumbled upon this video, and Wow! am I glad I did 🙈. My man is a man-child and I was actually avoiding this realization for at least a year.. In relationships this isn't the guy's fault its also the fault of mothering tendency of certain women... that woman on this case being me😓... people pleasing and not setting boundaries... so that's the responsibility im seeing on the part of the woman and they should start saying 'No' more with "uncaring-not-cool-behavior" but also men gotta watch out for woman with loose boundaries. Trust me it's a lose-lose that both parties feel. 😑❤The positive side is that we all can now start taking responsibility ALL of us!

i'm not convinced that this is a real syndrome. to me, it sounds like something that bitter women come up with to justify their anger towards passive and uncommitted men (hence the idea that men who have lots of sex are immature). different people show growth and maturity in different ways. not all men have to adhere to the conservative idea of having monogamous relationships and families.