maybe your self respect is there because you did what you wanted to do and you are proud of yourself? everyone says what they will do when infidelity happens.....till it actually happens.
I have been trying to save my marriage after discovering her affair and a year later, I’m disgusted and I get so enraged thinking about it and I lose all respect towards her.
Hugs! We can stay and still have self-respect. Self-Respect is not about staying or going, but about how I treat myself regardless of what is happening around me. Someone not in the situation may not understand, but others who have had that experience know what it is like. You are enough and you can take actions to respect yourself regardless of what others are doing.
Choosing to stay is the more courageous decision of the two. You're not rolling over. You're choosing to face the mountain in front of you and climb it rather than running away.
It is much more traumatic if your husband got the affair partner pregnant. If it much easier to work on betrayal recovery or marriage restoration if there is no other life involve. This is the most traumatic experience one can have. The child is innocent but the damage is irreversible.
17 months from D day and I feel like I’ve lost myself. I can’t talk to uw about her affair, my daily pain and thoughts, struggles or over all recovery. We’re sleep walking in recovery and our life together. I feel more lost, hurt and hopeless than ever. More stuck and giving up then I thought I would. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. Lord Jesus please help me.
I feel like I needed to lose myself to rebuild myself. I was already in a real dark place before D Day and ironically, even through all the hurt and pain, I've managed to work on me and make a better version of me.
This hits to the deepest part of my core. 7 years of my life working on the issues of his emotional affair. His denying he needed therapy. I am now a shell of myself. Thx you!
Wow, I’m one year In after discovering her emotional affair she had 7 years ago. I feel So Disgusted when I see her, I hold so much resentment. I’m still trying to hold on but at the same time…I feel like I’m worth so much more.
Hugs! I have been there. There is another way! You can become yourself again even when working on things. As my therapist loves to tell me, I go to therapy to deal with the people that need therapy. Hugs!
Needed to hear this today. In our going on 3 year battle to recovery, as the unfaithful, every time my betrayed has a moment, I take it on with humility, empathy, understanding, and acceptance. But after this last time, I didn't know how many more I was going to be able to take. Every time, leaves hurt, guilt, even some anger, all hard pills to swallow. At first I thought it was just take it all in these are consequences. I would just have to accept every feeling that came at me as a result. I had never stopped to think that even I have to be able to PROCESS every time this happens myself to be able to move on and continue to do MY part in recovery. With this video I realize how crucial it is for me to be able to also process all received from these moments or it could be disastrous. Thanks to the AR group, and thank you Samuel.
Your videos always come at the right time. It’s been nearly 3 years since I found out and I made the decision to stay. It’s feels like I’ve lost self respect since I made that decision, but thank you for reminding me that we are working it through together.
Betrayed in your personal repair work, consitrait on you. Yes put you first. You need to heal, be heard, cry, laugh, whatever you need to respect you, and heal you. Get help, a therapist, a group, someone that is willing to listen to what you are going through. Come out the other side a warrior.
Samuel this resonates with me after he had his emotional affair involving financial misappropriation…This has been a month now and I have still not able to stop calling him the biggest idiot every day amongst other names ..which is making me bitter and hindering my healing ..I’m always calm ,composed and compassionate and this is making me seem cold and bitter …I need to find away to not lose myself but it is so hard
I find it so uncanny that so many of your videos hit right on what im feeling or going through at each specific time. I was literally feeling like I was lost again. Trying to remember who I really am and get some hope for the future. Thankyou
My spouse had an affair recently. It started as an emotional affair but a very sneaky one. We never fight ever, and have been together since middle school. We’ve got 3 kids and still were sexually active usually at least every other day Up until the affair. We’ve always been best friends, and done everything together. After having children I didn’t take her on 1 on 1 dates anymore bc I’ve always wanted the kids to enjoy what we were enjoying. She was seeking thrill and fun and wanted that 1 on 1 time. I’m not excusing her actions of infidelity, but simply asking why she has shut me out and how I can bring her back to her true self but an even more pure version of herself that has Christ as her foundation. I love her with all my heart and can forgive the action but I’m having a hard time with the emotional disconnect.
I found out yesterday the true extent of the affair. After months of lieing. Thinking it was only emotional, but really believing it was physical too. It was. My partner has struggled with confusion and choosing to stay with me and our 18 month daughter. I just dont know what to do. I feel intense pain and am struggling to compose myself let alone be a good parent. He seems angry at me. Cold. Annoyed even. I fear my need to communicate will push him away further. Im so hurt and confused.
I’m 38, I have been with my spouse since I was 17. I lost my virginity with her. Today I’m a firefighter Medic. I’m a very attractive man, from what I have heard. October 2020 I went through a rollercoaster with her. Thing was that allegedly she stated they only talked from October 2021 through like November 2021, I believed her. But in August 2021 I found out she was lying to me and indeed they were having an emotional affair from October 2020 through April 2021. I also found out her emotional affair traced for 10 months back in 2014. I’m going through this right now of shaming myself, I have been processing since august following full disclosure, and I haven’t left. This sucks. I feel so enraged, so betrayed, disgusted, against her and then I disgust with my own self because of who I truly am today and how did I end up in this position. The tougher part is that we found out she got pregnant around May 2021. Obviously it was tied to me, but then full disclosure came to me in august 2021. Which then messed me up so bad, because I started questioning paternity. The baby is here now as a newborn, and now I’m feeling forced for DNA test. So I have been living everyday with anxiety, every emotion, since august 2021 till today, not even knowing if the baby is mine. I have DNA test coming up, and as a great father that I have proven to be, which everyone agrees with me. I feel even more enraged that a candidate and an amazing father as myself, is put in a position like this. I love her, but I’m also disgusted as I feel ashamed of staying with a homewrecker, the things she did even if they were “not sexual”. Puts me feeling ashamed of myself. Like I literally say this to myself “how does a firefighter medic, good money, good looks, good career, great father, good spouse and I could be better, have a lot going on for myself, stay here and end up here, so much to offer to a woman”? I’m also scared that even though I have only been with her sexually, I mean I also see it as a “prize possession “ I carry since I have no sexual history. Why am I so scared, why am I going through this? Am I right? Am I wrong? Should I have left? This is brutal. : (
I am so sorry of how you must have felt. If your sanity your self worth is compromised then leave. At the end of the day, you are the best person who can decide for that. It’s good that you did a DNA test.
After 3 years after finding out about an affair. Thinking my partner and I were on the same page. She still trys to convince me that it wasn't this "magical" affair. It was strictly a platonic friendship, that she didn't want me to know anything about. She says she feels judged when she watches the videos with me. Which is a rare occasion for her to actually watch some with me. Sometimes I think we're on the same page. And others, I feel she still is living in denial. Not sure what to do
I the unfaithful want to help him process it, but he is unwilling. I’m not asking him to stay. He doesn’t need to. I want him to make his own choice, however he is not the type of person to take action. I am trying to hold everything together for him, but this is the one time I can’t carry everyone on my back. I am typically the fixer and he is not usually that. I just want him to take control. I have made it transparent. I don’t mind talking about it. I don’t mind going through the process even if he wants to leave. I am humble. I don’t know what to do.
Found out wife cheated nov 2021 now feb 2022 she wants a divorce. Exit affair? Probably so. I know at times I didn’t help. But she keeps blaming me and our marriage problems. I just hope karma follows her around for a long while. Leaving a caring husband and three kids just kills me. Now has a friend and her sister saying am a narcissist. Really? Because I have feelings. Because I allow her to make the choice to be a stay at home mom. Then when she wanted to work i became a stay at home dad. Not telling me she was depressed and feels our relationship has gone hill since we both stop working. I have out of anger wanted divorce I wish I have never said those words. Because I never did. But I feel to much damage has been cause and since we are poor this is going to be awhile until I start my job and we save for her to move. Life sucks sometimes for sure. I’m hoping she will wake up one day and regret all of it and beg to be with me. But by then I feel we will both be lost.
