How To Outsmart A Narcissist - Don’t Argue Or Fight With Them… Do This Instead | Dr. Ramani 

Wisdom.

you can keep taking away oxygen just to stop the fire until you take away your breath too

⁠@@quantumzoflyneif you listened to Dr. Ramani you will have heard that things take time. If you get the strength to not play the games anymore and simply stop adding fuel to their fire, not argue etc, they probably will be the one to get bored with you and leave. If they don’t but only get more violent it might be a good idea for you to pack up and leave. Either way it will be a difficult road, but it will be your road.

@@quantumzoflyneI hope you listened to what Dr. Ramani actually says because there is much wisdom in what she shares.

Problem with narc, if you stop the oxygen, the fire explode....so sad

My child even as a toddler never threw tantrums. Toddlers throw tantrums to gain control. They grow up to be the same way.

The key is being able to learn this. There needs to be a return policy. No seriously. WTH are we doing allowing these sick animals to torture and even kill their victims. They are not examining human behavior at the point when they bawled their fists their face turns red and they start screaming shut the f****** because your attempting to talk about your health or anything else they are not comfortable with. This unacceptable.

@@movingforwardfco1587 Exactly. If they treat those they claim to "love" this way, what do you think they do with others? It's very criminal.

Oh can happen when you are piss of facing a narcissit familly

So true!!!

Ok,but what if he stole a lot of money?

@@patriciavandevelde5469 please consider that a failed investment. You do not want to deal with that person in any way possible. I myself was duped by a covert narc ex under false pretenses. These snakes never never change. Hold tight to what you have and run away... Never ever deal with them. They will make your life a living hell.

​@@patriciavandevelde5469Oh my God.Same girl. Old man nicked my money. It's hard to get over that part but I'll never contact this rubbish. I have to leave it to karma

Fact

Very often not engaging is interpreted as and manipulated to become consent. I have been through that. Turning that around and raising my voice, yes, is indeed engaging and never leads anywhere. But I will not allow anyone to use my silence for consent.

...while believing they are the victim.

also they often will simultaneously treat different people differently and most do not have the perception or awareness to pick up on that. you will be left on an island - prepare to have most everyone invalidate or limit their relationships with you if you ever go against a narcissist.

💯💯💯🏃🏾🏃🏾🏃🏾

​@@devon-graves-studio-Dagree 👍💯

@@devon-graves-studio-D ......"CLAIMING" they're Victims! lololol

So, let them hit you for ignoring them, they get offended lol

​@@samanthamarquez4358 I pray you can get get away from this mental and physical abuse safely and live with peace. ❤️

Trauma bonds

These techniques didn't work with the narcissists I've known. When I didn't respond their reaction was "He doesn't have the guts to answer or challenge me." It was a no-win proposition.

it just listening ?

​​​@@LeeReactzzzit's not reacting. They thrive on provoking a reaction which they turn around on you and call you over-reacting, too sensitive, stupid etc. react with generic non-reactionary responses like: that's interesting! How nice! What did he/she/they do/say?

@@LeeReactzzz For more details, look for this video: "Narcissism and the deep technique"

Leave.

When you can’t leave because of ‘business that’s not finished yet and timing is not in your control’ then use the time to collect data, document it all, build your case and prep to take it to court if that’s where the Narc likes to ‘play onto you’, the whole point is to stick to the facts in court, prove their guilt by presenting evidence of their behaviors-their words are only good to listen to because it’s an insight into their own thoughts and behaviors- often admission of their own guilty behaviors because they accuse you of things they are actually doing. If it’s possible to get any ruling against them in a court it’s def worth doing until you can finally be done and walk away… forever. You have to Be very inconspicuous until you have enough data to get a ‘guilty’ from a judge or jury.

I felt like nothing I did worked out in my favour ever. If I didn't reward the bad behaviour, the abuse got worse until I caved. I didn't cave ever again after the first time he raised his fist to me. I got support and held my ground and let the police and DV support worker help me and hold him accountable. It's hard to get out. But once you are, never look back!

@@elsh332 I never rewarded bad behaviour and I never will no matter what. But you are right it can become very dangerous with such people (I experienced it so I know). Stay safe everyone but don´t let you treat like a doormate or slave. You are much more worth than this. LEAVE if possible.

THIS!

​@@elsh332you need to meet cruel behavior with cruel behavior as they are crossing your boundaries.

Yep! This is a great description! Going on holiday with them is definitely like that. Or just being alone with them ...

Oh my this is the best definition I’ve seen and have been there.

But why do people stay then? I know my daughter feels like this but won't leave.

Oh wow how very well put. Married over thirty years and feel perpetually scared. Something bad is either happening now, just happened, or is about to happen. One of the worst sounds in the world to me is the crunch of tyres on gravel that signifies he’s home. click of the key in the lock of our front door makes my heart race and not in a good way. Living with a narcissist guarantees chronic stress. It is a living hell.

​@@sonlya2010please contact Victim organizations who have information sheets about the reasons people sometimes stay - it is almost entirely under duress with no other options at the time. People need to stop focusing on why a victim can't get out and focus more on the narcissist behavior.

This 💯

I had compassion until I realised he knew what he was doing - charming, kind and generous to everyone else out there; cruel and evil behind closed doors - he turned it on, he turned it off - that, that is deliberate he knew what he was doing.

This 💯

​@@jillrhodry1139true. They know what they are doing because it works for them. Don't get sucked in.

​@@jillrhodry1139 my mother

🎉❤🎉❤the gambler lol devil went down to Georgia

Music 🎶🎵 to my ears! I grew up listening to these songs 😁. More importantly I grew up and out of narcissist relationships! 🎉 🕯️ 🌞

Don’t have to discuss much - just get on the bus Gus & SET YOURSELF FREE!

😂👌🏼

So funny after being upset for a while. It's good to laugh still.

Exactly. Energy flows where attention goes so if you watch narc videos for too long, you’ll marinate in the doom and gloom that is your life. If you are able, and I really emphasize that if you truly are able to get out, focus on moving forward and try to surround yourself with positive people, places and content. Good luck fellow survivors!

That's the point of what Dr Ramani is saying... ultimately her message is about YOU and getting into who you really are as an individual person once removed from a narcissistic abuser. It IS about moving forward and disconnecting from that dynamic, getting yourself back. Your power back. Restoring your own thoughts, heart and goals. It's the focus on you and not burning your energy into that dark abyss of negativity. Hence..... Outsmarting them. The energy is what you put into yourself, by shifting the control back to yourself, thus, defueling them. That's how you win. That is what the message is. Taking YOU back IS outsmarting them.

Wrong! You have to outsmart them if you want them out of YOUR house! I sent mine to Colorado, then had him served with a no-contact order. I got rid of him, a court order prevents him from coming back and the clock started ticking so I could be legally separated to get a divorce. No more violence and no one had to die.

Surviving a narcissist is not "concentrating" on them. It is concentrating on the strategy to survive them.

Oh, we outsmarted the squatters who tried to live next door. There TOTALLY was a point to that.

That's a WICKed reply!

Hahahaha

Love it❤

Ba Dum Bump…😂

Nice try Narcy

I know what you mean. They take a piece of you, if you deal with them for years before you realize that they are Narcs. You never really recover. Especially when you have kids with a Narc. . You find a way to move on, but its more survive, than its living!

I know what you mean

I totally understand!!

💯

Hubby just accused me of either adultery or wanting to be unfaithful. He has no idea I decided a couple of years ago that I am NEVER making an opportunity for someone to try this nonsense on me again. In a way it’s funny he just does not know me at all. He sees everything through his filter and I’m lying no matter what.

As FAST as you can!!!!

If I could have only one dream come true, that would be it.

I can’t

@@andyanderson6522 of course you can. It's your life. Own it.

@@NIKKISNOODLE find the courage.

My narc husband calls me every day when he gets off work and keeps me on the phone for the entire 40 minute drive home, just yammering away about nothing or saying the same things over and over every single day. If I try to talk I have to interrupt him and he becomes irritated at me for trying to speak. He has anger issues and takes it out on me. Also I have grown to hate the mere sound of his voice, it grates on my nerves intensely. He projects his own faults onto me and refuses to take accountability. He never apologizes for hurting my feelings. Even on the "good" days when he's being nice he still has nothing of importance to talk about. Just surface level inanities and trivialities. We have been married 26 years and have nothing in common. But I had a narc family of origen and went no contact years ago, parents died since then and Golden Child brother got my part of the inheritance. I have no family, no support haven't worked at a job since 1999 just this narc A hole to depend on. And he loves to remind me that "I need him"......I've noticed that the more I lost family support systems, starting with my loving and good paternal grandparents, then later on my narc family of origin, he has gotton gradually more controlling and abusive. Plus he's gained some weight and dresses plainly not caring at all about his appearance, balding, double chin, if I say a shirt doesn't flatter him much, he will wear that shirt constantly. I despise him more with every passing week and I absolutely DREAD sex with him. I have to literally force myself to pretend to "enjoy" it just so I can have a little peace, if I don't the abuse and stonewalling ramps way up. But even when I do he's immature and disrespectful the next day. He flips between acting silly and childish as though I find it amusing (I don't but am forced to go along with it) or he is a know it all, controlling and subtly nasty to me. It just keeps getting worse and the "episodes" used to be once every 5 or 6 months, now it's every other day. He is a Jekyl/Hyde narc. Jekyl version is like Jim Carrey or the 3 stooges type of mean silliness and Hyde is like Julia Robert's abusive husband in the movie Sleeping with the Enemy. My anger is beginning to boil over at this treatment.

@@reesedaniel5835sounds like a living nightmare! I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I hope you can find a way out dear. Can you make a plan with your safety in mind? This is no way to live..

DEMONS

You got that almost right. They are not demons, but they have demons. There is one way they could get free from it and that's through deliverance in Jesus name. But then they would have to give their life entirely to Jesus after that or else the demon will just return and they end up worse than before.

Agree 💯 ​@@JNChannel95

Im like that as well. Hi there. ☕

Hi

Same here. 👋 If I were in your neigborhood I'd come over with some coffe😊 😊

Read, inspect RU-vid, develop mindfulness exercices. Don't give up about yourself. You're worthy of interest and value.

@@Angela-ul9si omgosh Hi ! I can sooo relate. I’ve even called on Siri and asked some random question just to hear a friendly voice. I hope somehow life gets better for you. None of us deserve any of this.

An ex cousin I had is a hopeless narcissist. She went as far as to steal money from several relatives plus myself. This is what brought us to the point of no return because she began gaslighting and doubling down when busted. Since removing her from my life, it has been much more peaceful. No more texts, phone calls, etc., etc. When she spoke to me at a family reunion, I acknowledged her without saying her name by looking at her for three seconds and saying, "Hey there."

​@@texan903😂

@texas903 Bless her heart 😆

i swear my mom is. i refrain from to mch contact. not that i care now as a result she shows up with out calling, or tells me i only care about myself. yup me first for a change so fucking what!? god forbid right?

@@texan903 yup i refuse to be around my sister and refraim from talking to my mom. mom gotten worse.

Yes

☝Exactly!

She tried to say she didn’t know what she did and then started again with my neighbour. I got the police involved - she steppped over multiple boundaries when I told her to just go away or I would call the police- she thought I was bluffing

Yes they do .... Dumb like a Fox

That is because there are demons in them causing them to act the way they do. If they would be delivered from them in Jesus name and filled with the Holy Spirit instead they would end up an entirely different person.

🎯

Yes! I love being alone. No headache at ALL. 🙂

You're never alone with a Cat, Dog, or Bird. 😻🐕🦜. 💕

Agreed. Society keeps people trapped in toxicity because coupled relationships are expected, and few can think outside of the box.

@@EL-gu8fv Yeah relationships are expected but nowadays singles are accepted too. So you should never stay in a toxic relationship because it is abusive there. I can´t understand too why people can´t see that their life is in danger (I can only write: Please love yourself!).

I am so very sorry for your loss. God bless you❤

Your message is absolutely correct. May you surround yourself in gentleness. Nature, passionate hobbies and may happiness become more and more prevalent in your life.

Being severely ill with ME/CFS also makes us so vulnerable to the tactics of a narcissist. Be careful regarding your adult narcissistic child. Possibly go no contact. He will show no mercy. Sometimes being isolated is not the worst thing.

I'm so sorry for your loss ❤🙏you can heal from ME/CFS it's caused from narcissistic abuse.

@@Kali-oc1qt Personally I feel it is more of a comorbidity. I do think narcissists sense the vulnerability and target the ill person. Of course the abuse worsens the illness. Just my opinion.

Total trash!?!?!!!

I always thought so 😂 They say don’t tell anyone and keep it a secret and they trust you but they spill everything wide open with Indian spices 🫨

Or else they'll just make stuff up.

Yes! Don’t share!

Yea, learned that early, my entire family could not be trusted in this way. If I told anything confidential, within 10 mins that person would be talking about it and me to other family members, and not in a way that sounded like they wanted to help me, more like they were gossiping about someone who they didn't care for.

I've had this too but don't look back x you're free

If you don't engage, they will punish you, threaten you, and make you face consequences. So what do you do in the case when your life is in danger and you are in constant fear of leaving? 😮

Been there too...

Me too

❤ yes. 6 years no contact and I'm finally getting my life back. My peace and joy.

Try: a parent, an older sibling, and two cousins (who, although not immediate family, are so very aggressive that they intrude in your life as if they were).

Mine is 95 yo helicopter (swear she invented the word) mother and I’m the only child (daughter) who tells me I have memory problems after she asks me a half hour after taking her pills, did she take them. That’s just one daily example. I finally get triggered so much I recognize heart palpitations so I just silently leave while she’s still yammering away.

​@jelizabethpetrie6656 may I ask, is there dementia involved or are you describing a narcissistic trait of hers? Honest question. I do not know the situation. It could just be both and if so, might I suggest getting her somewhere that can cater to her needs? You need a break

It's not that hard when you realise that the choice is "them or me" because that's how they made it. I choose me whenever someone puts me in that situation now. I'd choose "us" but there is no "us" with a narcissist. You or them. Simple.

😢😢😢

I hope you were able to get out.

described my life with my family.

As a 50 something man, I can confirm this

Child of 2 narcissists beating’s were severe and everything was my fault including there drinking habits

I can confirm this.

AMEN.N.AMEN..U R RIGHT ON.

Well said!

🎯

Blessed

good 1

And they literally don’t care if they destroy their own while they’re doing it

Not as bad as they sabotage their own.

What you can control and what you can't

EXACTLY!

Are you saying don't let the narcissist know you know they are a narcissist?

@@jss2889even friends. Move quietly.

@@jss2889 Yes they will smear campaign you and people will believe that you are the crazy one

Absolutely. Their gynormous ego will never tolerate being publicly outdone. They're consummate losers who always need to 'win'.

​@@jss2889letting a narcissist know you're on to them is the surest way to make yourself a target. Never let them know.

I hope the plan works. 🏃‍♀💨💨

🛑✝️🙏🏾😇😊🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉😂😅😊✝️

Brilliant!!! dr Ramani saved my life

@@yukio_saito free two year s absolutely we the director and producer of our own show ♌️🙌🙏💝

@@tammyfitzgerald5336good for you! It takes a lot of courage but freedom & peace are so wonderful after living with these weirdos.

I know how you feel...I am sorry for your trauma, they are so evil almost inhuman.

I was for 3 months. Got out in time before the abuse set in. Trust your gut.

I still haven’t after 4 1/2 years with him and we have a daughter together. We broke up 12 years ago. Still can’t date because I still have to deal with his gaslighting!

I've been with one for 4 months , I thought I was going crazy.

It's why I'll never remarry!

Same. I think.

😂😆brilliant idea

Hell yes!

Yep! They hate it

I'm starting my year of no dating/no sex for a year journey! Looking forward to peace and serenity and forming my support tribe!❤

Living alone is great. I did it for a long time. I'm also sort of security - obsessed. Kitchen gadgets, sewing gadgets, security gadgets!

I’ve been doing it for so long, I’m honestly wondering if I’ll ever want a relationship again. It’s so nice to be able to watch what you want, eat what you want and not argue but I was never in the right kind of relationship so I don’t know what it’s like to be in a healthy, loving, kind, supportive relationship. That’s a lot sadder now that I typed it out.

And it's sad that so many of us have never seen or been in a good relationship...so how could we know a good one, when we do see it?

Literally, I'm currently dealing with this and idk how to escape, I'm literally so drained

Try living next to them in a mobile park.... absolutely nowhere to go. She actually sent people to my house while I was trying to sell it...I'm afraid I'm going to have to give it away in order to break free.

Grey rock works even if you are occasionally forced to spend time with them due to family dynamics. One word answers, I don’t know, focus on someone else, leave their presence without explanation, challenging quickly and firmly to any mudslinging. You can show them everything about how you feel with the bare minimum use of words. Being calm and confident and in control and refusing to rise to any bait, it just befuddles them to death.

@@Therejectionartist I do this grey rocking all the time with my narc husband. When he can't rope me in to his circular arguments and debates over trivial BS or get me to react to his projections and gaslighting, he will become hyper jovial/silly, humming, talking to himself with nonsensical little rhymes or other very childish annoying. smirking/gloating and extrememly irritating behavior......until I finally show my irritation and snap in some small way such as taking a deep breath and then he attacks and accuses me of being the "bad" one.

@reesedaniel5835. Get ear pods - listen to music instead of HIM! 👍

My ex was at the gas station down the street from where I work and he doesn’t even live in this city. He lives three hours away. I didn’t even acknowledge him.

I told my sister in law please don’t call here anymore!

It really is the only way!

Unfortunately, a lot of very narcissistic people are attracted to psychology.

Even priests and neighbours.

@@LeahIsHereNow interesting, that would explain how Jasmin Finch a therapist I took my son to blamed everything on me. Thank you for sharing that.

If you choose to stay. Leave

I am at a point where I wish he would just discard me...

I can't wait until the narcissist discards me😂 meaning to just go away 😂

You're right. 15 yrs into marriage I gave up. I was pleasant, continued with marital expectations (such that they were cause the hubby withheld sex as a power play). I stopped giving him hurt, tears, begging to spend couple time w/ him, initiating conversation. Answer pleasantly when spoken to. Stupid me thought I'd coast until the children were grown. Next thing I knew he was having an affair & I was DONE & thrilled to be. He seemed to think it would inspire a girl fight over him. 😂😂😂

@@pinkpill5355 My dear, if you are in a relationship with one, you need to start planning now. My biggest mistake from being in a relationship with one of these people for 25 years is, you think you know them. You think you know what they will do in ever situation. However, you only know the regulated version of them. The version that gets their necessary supply levels. The other version is very, very unstable. Once you see that version or as they say, once you see behind the mask, you will never forget it. They are capable of anything and I do mean anything. You are living with a person that isn't complete. Realize that you are not just in a very bad situation, you are in a very bad situation that is also, very very dangerous. I know this for sure. We think they are very strong, well put together people with great life skills that just are extremely difficult to get along with at times. No. That is the regulated version. That is the mask. They are very, very fragile little children that is very very dangerous when unregulated. Understand this. Your life may depend on this.

​​​@@pinkpill5355Exactly. I discarded him without telling him, he won't leave me alone. Like dang I thought if he got nothing from me, that'd be it. No, the man is obsessed and sick. Edit: Manchild to be exact. My bad.

Jesus cHRIST THEORY IS GIVEN BY NARCISSISM

Me too! Over 55 years! Manipulative since 3 Rd grade. She took college psych classes & she really honed a skill at covert narcissism. I moved back to town 4+ years ago & lived with her. Now I'm ready to dump the friendship. So sad but I have to do it to keep myself mentally healthy.

@@annking1576 me too. It was really hard, but I blocked her on my email and phone, and got a lot of reiki and healing sessions to remove her energy from my system- she was an energy vampire

Excellent Suggestions !! Translation - Go Live The Life That Is In our Hearts !!

I agree ☝️

Mobile Van ■ some seniors design a van to live and travel; it may give the opportunity for one to enjoy life freely. M

I wish you the best

I agree with most of what you're saying but you have to remember that some narcissist will become more provocative if you don't engage. There are ways to de-escalate and neutralize them when they become irate that you don't engage.

​@ArtemisSilverBow This is true. Back pedaling is safer than ignoring otherwise they might get more aggressive or even physical if ignored. And they would then work like hell to get your attention and may even put your life in danger.😮

@@ArtemisSilverBow True. My narc husband does this. If I don't talk much, just "yes" or "no" or "hmm hmm" etc. he'll finally say "So your not talking to me today?" Damned it ya do, damned it ya don't. He won't stop until he ropes me in to some useless, circular debate. Even if I AGREE with him, he will then flip it and start arguing with my AGREEMENT. It's truly exhausting and causes me constant sorrow and depression.

Me too! Just discovered her, she is absolutely amazing! So encouraging and uplifting!

what kind of lawyer? they sound amazing. nothing worse than narcissistic "family"

That is what they claim. A rough childhood. My son gave himself a rough childhood. I had cops tell me he didn't belong in my home. He had a bedroom he wouldn't stay in. Wouldn't go to school. Etc etc etc. It's not always true that they had an awful childhood.

@@lc4972 They use that as an excuse for their behaviour . Smear campaian is all lies as reality does not fit the victimhood front they hide behind. NO PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY .

It's not always a rough childhood, and it doesn't matter. It's just a commonly used way to excuse and justify, and to shut victims up. What I'm trying to say is that if an abuser had a rough childhood, that's not a reason to excuse, forgive, or stay. It's an indicator that a victim should get out, and as quickly as possible, because the abuser is definitely not going to change. If your son tried to excuse himself by claiming he had a rough childhood, I would say the same, because he would be refusing to take responsibility for his own actions. He won't change, either. True or false, pointing to a rough childhood as an excuse is a bad, bad sign. I'm so sorry to hear that you had that kind of struggles with your son. It's not what we signed up for.

Omg! So true. Always got pulled in by family crisis but it is always different day, same scenario.

My opinion, you’re just teaching your children how to be in a dysfunctional relationship.

Leave now before he turns the children against you.... and worse, turn them into narcs You don't think it will happen... but it will

So difficult to co parent with a narcissistic ex spouse.

@@nessiebwurgo through the court system.

Have you heard of the book “how to have impossible conversations”? I’m currently reading it and it seems like it will be helpful.

Sometimes, there is no hope

Rat droppings trail ■ their pattern of operation in darkness; they keep the same route until you close off their entry. M

They think that reputation is everything.

Lots of wasted years hoping they would get it. Most precious commodity lost are the years and time.

Perfectly said

Maak jou eie braai ….. it will be tastier …… reward yourself by staying far away met iets lekker. I stay away from family weddings & funerals ….. I just send generous gifts/ notes of condolences. I excuse myself with: Unfortunately, I am not able to attend. Dis al! Niks verder nie.

Sell the house, cut off contact and move somewhere else where you can have help. Even if you have to pay for it.

@@marygoodson4920 yep, it’s a sellers market right now. But not for long! I’m holding onto my home next to my narcissistic sibling only because she and her hubby are so physically unhealthy. And I’m very patient. I gray rock them. Narcissists are essentially cowards. The most important thing is to take really good care of yourself. The best revenge is a great life! 😊

I'm sorry to hear this. Stay strong. They see something in you they wish to be. They have no soul and want yours. They are soulless..

Interesting. It might have worked but I already asserted a boundary. I am entitled to a personal boundary of course, but it's astonishing how far she is going to go to manipulate and control me and or the public impression of the situation. I think I'd have to have better acting skills than I do to pretend I look up to her at all. I can barely stand the sight of her. I could go no contact but I would miss out on a lot because it's a social scene.

@@notaclue822 depends how violent they are. Boundaries don’t always work when they’re downright evil who want to suck the blood out of you and take everything away from you. Some of them think they’re entitled to everything you want. So let’s stop, pretending shall we