How To Remove Toxic People From Your Life: What I've Learned 

The worst thing about toxic people is that they don't even see their own faults and just blame everything on you

1. It isn't your job to "change" to "fix" other people. 2. It isn't your job to prove yourself or gain approval from other people. 3. You don't owe anybody anything.

Once I cut toxic friends out of my life I started to see life differently and started to value you myself and set healthy boundaries. I was allowing toxic friends to disrespect me and I felt like I had to make myself small to accommodate their insecurities.

Walking away from situations like this is so complicated, but once done a new life begins.

The moment I cut out the toxic people in my life was the moment I started to value myself, my goals, and my time. Anyone else?

Even if removing all the toxic people means that you'll be left all alone, it's still worth it. Suffering from solitude for a time before you meet genuine people is always better than enduring the daily misery that toxic people provide.

The most painful and disappointing moment is when you realize that someone that was so close to you has never valued you as worthy enough.. it hurts the most when it’s family! It’s very hard to cut family out of your life especially when you don’t have close friends to turn to. You feel all alone in the world..

"The only way out is not by winning the game, that's not possible. They make up the rules and you can never win with their rules." Spot on

We are all afraid of change because we are so comfortable with certainty. But by facing uncertainty, we can take control of our life.

“The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.” ― Ernest Hemingway

Toxic people never change, don’t ever let them “apologize” their way back to your life

I have a narcissistic father and I’m slowly learning to stop having expectations for him and not play his game. I’m 16 right now, and trying to save up enough money to move out at 18

“Don't compromise yourself - you're all you have.” ― John Grisham

When you try to fix someone who isn't ready to fix themselves it's going to drain you and make you feel worse about yourself. You can plant the seed but they have to do the watering on their own

Rule #8 - Never ever hang out with, or in the company of, those who require you to be dumb. It will [always] backfire and much much worse [every time]. Live your life, difficult as it may be, have's and have not's aside. Never lower yourself out of convenience. It's a very bad idea. Better days are ahead. Peace be with you 🙏

Sometimes you don't even realize you have a toxic friend until entering a new environment. Once you start to love yourself, you will value who you share your time with.

There's this famous quote: *_"You are the average of the 5 people you hang around most with."_* Meaning that if you are around 5 people who smoke, you probably will start smok ing too. So make sure you are hanging out with ambitious friends and you will be ambitious too!

I strongly believe that the best people are the ones who lift you up. They are aware that life isn’t a competition and they know the world needs more light. Luckily, I have some people like this in my life. Hopefully I can be like them someday. Have a good day man! Thank you for your videos. They mean more to us than we can express.

“Toxicity generates more toxicity” maaaannn not enough people are aware of this

My friend told me "love is never manipulative" and that really stuck with me. Coming to terms with the fact that the people we care about so much are manipulating us is difficult and it's even more difficult to cut it off. I love what you said about them setting the rules for the game tho and how you can never win. Falling into the cycle of playing the game can happen so quickly, the sooner you get out the better. Thanks for making this video Nathaniel, I felt like you were speaking directly to me bc I really needed this one.

One lesson I have learned is the concept of "permission". We give others permission to be toxic because they are our family or long-time friend...we justify their actions and think it's ok for them to be the way they are. It's not OK and you shouldn't give others permission to do so. We should give OURSELVES permission to love, feel and enjoy life to the fullest and having toxic relationships weighting us down is not healthy.

The most toxic people in my life have been family members. I loved this video, it's a topic not many people talk about!

In some cases, the problem with toxic relationships is that they get kind of "addictive". You start a friendship that at some point become toxic, it all becomes about the other, maybe because that person appears emotionally fragile. And you realise how toxic it is, you realise that it's best for you to get out of that situation, but every time you try that person starts to get sad or "depressed" get your attention and show you how much he/she needs you and it makes you feel bad for living them in that moment, so you stay in that friendship, convincing yourself that you'll wait for a better moment... but you can't seem to be able to say no to that person.

''What you say about others says a lot more about yourself'', automatically it makes you think.

I left two of my racist and discouraging friends ... They were the last 2 friends I had from my school and I don't regret it.

*To whoever needs to hear this* : you are loved by people in this world who truly care for your well-being. Find and foster those relationships with people who inspire you to be better versions of yourself. Life is too short to be with anyone who doesn't make you happy!

The one thing we need to also understand is that we (ourselves) can be considered the toxic person in other people's lives. This is something we have to be aware of because we also have flaws. In either case, it's never really about the other person - it's about you. What are you willing to do to be a better person?

I recently removed my best friend of 15 years from my life. there were some issues that we have always had between each other. However the past year we've been friends has been terrible. It started with obvious selfish behaviour. I like to mountain bike and he kind of got into it because I was into it, however I would go out and ride several days a week while he would ride maybe a couple times over a couple months. So obviously there is going to be skill difference, but he hated that. He told me he'd rather not mountain bike with me because im "better" at it than him. So I asked him, "if we both skated and I learned I kick flip first, would you care?" He said he would "stop skating with me because im better". WOW, this was when I started to think about our friendship a little bit more. It's been a little over a month since I've talked to him. I think I made the right choice. I am really trying to do better for myself and improve my life in all aspects and it seemed like he couldn't feel happy for me. He just seemed like he was mad or that I was leaving him behind. I felt like random people supported me more than this person. The REAL breaking point for me was when I went on a trip with my girlfriend for a week. I came back from that trip feeling energized and ready to start the spring semester. I was motivated and optimistic which is kind of a new thing. For the first time in a while I felt genuinely happy, I didn't have doubt or bad thoughts swimming around in my head. My friend called me the day I came back because he wanted to play video games. He moved far away for school so this is really the only way to "hangout". When I told him id rather work on music(my passion, what im trying to make my career), it wasn't met with understanding and support, instead he yelled at me. He said I'm wasting my time, that I don't do anything with my life anyways, so I might as well just give up and play video games with him. He then told me to go fuck myself and he hung up! LMAO. I was pretty taken back by the whole situation but I felt all of those great feelings and motivation immediately vanish once I got off the phone. Then I realized this cunt is fucking up my life. So I blocked his number, he never reached out to ask why or to see if I was okay, he never contacted me any other way, instead he responded by blocking me on all social media. Having blocked him and completely removed him from my life I can say it was worth it. My mental health has never been better. It kind of makes me think, what if I did this a couple years ago? Would I have branched out and actually found like minded people? Would I be a better person if I didn't have this negative influence on my life? idk what could have happened but I know now that the kind people you surround yourself with is extremely important. Go find some cool ass fools and prop each other up. Love one another.

I experienced a toxic relationship - took me a while to leave it, but sacrificing one's inner peace and happiness for a relationship is simply not worth it... my life is a toxic free zone 😄👋

Only silence is the best answer to toxic people's

I found myself after ending a friendship with a toxic person recently. The sense of relief that I am feeling in my life now is amazing!!!

It is such simple advice that we hear all the time, but because it's so difficult to accept for many people we don't do anything about it. We expect others to change for us when it's us who needs to change. Taking action is the simplest yet most valuable advice for literally anything.

You'll never be able to change someone else, only yourself. Focus on building and maintaining a healthy relationship with YOU, and you'll start to attract other healthy people. I've watched it slowly happen in my own life!

I learned that you can´t change how others think or react in certain situations, but you can always control how you feel and to not let people get into your head cause this only hurts yourself.

I found that over time as I've worked on self-love and self-compassion, the relationships I had actually weeded themselves out. Being with people who used me as their supply rather than to be true friends became very uncomfortable to the point where I felt it was healthier to honor myself by being honest with them about how I was feeling, with the intent to hold real conversations about it, rather than to continue to make myself "small" in order to be friends. I was shocked when I realized I felt relief when these relationships ended. But that told me everything...ive had to walk away from family members as well. Hard, but worth it!

Like my uncle once told me when I was a teenager, Don't like misery?! than Get Away From Misery! 💯

This showed up at an incredible time for me. I'm making the decision to (finally) move away from home and cutting ties with family to be able to grow myself and take control of my life. This really zeroed in on a lot of my reasoning and how I'm feeling. Thanks for this.

I stopped trying to keep the relationships with my toxic “friends” going, and cut off a few others and it was the best decision ever! Right now my mental health is the best it’s been in years, and I’m surrounded by the most loving people It was hard at first, but a few years later I know that it was the best decision I’ve made. And now whenever I feel that someone new is hurtful in any way (intentionally or not) I simply take them out of my life

"It is not your job to change or fix other people". You don't know how much I needed to hear that at this moment.

I fired two clients today. They were such a headache and caused so much stress. I was underpaid for what they wanted me to do. I realized I was the one that allowed them in my business. I sent them notices this week. I feel great already.

Sips coffee, sharpens pencil, inserts earbuds.

🔴 *{ S U M M A R Y }* & Key Ideas 👇 Always have a framework when approaching life in general. *short summary* The only way to remove toxic people from your life is to stop engaging with them. *extended summary* Nathaniel defines a _toxic person_ as someone who is deeply unhappy and refuses to do internal work. If you find yourself in a friendship that is relying on you remaining the person that you were and doesn't have the space to allow you to grow and to become the person that you need to be - that can have toxic, suffocating consequences. That is not a friendship. I. It is not your job to change or fix other people. II. It is not your job to prove yourself or gain approval from other people. III. You don''t owe anybody anything. Human beings are complicated. Toxicity breeds and creates more toxicity. _What do you do if you are facing a toxic family?_ Understand that they are coming from a different time and place, where internal work was a concept they never heard of. He recorded a conversation with his mother. He has that in the description. STRATEGY - In a healthy relationship you should not feel like you are in the dark in regards to communication. You should not feel stupid and inferior. The more you engage with toxic people, the deeper you go in their world. The way out is not by winning the game, by competing, as they make up the rules. The only way out is to not engage. This can happen in all relationships. Do not make it a pattern. III - A Few Things To Keep In Mind - _You have a limited amount of space_ Remove somebody that you once felt close to can be terrifying, but that space will allow you to grow. That space can be later filled with a new healthier more positive relationship or more space for yourself. _Toxicity requires clean-up (awareness)_ Everything begins with awareness. You will need to go through a purging process and combine that with internal awareness so that you can clean-up the toxic people. _Pay attention to your bad habits_ This also links to self-awareness. Habits are the building blocks of our lives and the pieces that are creating patterns and cycles. Bad habits are picked up through unhealthy situations. You will need extra effort to later clean and reset the habits. So avoiding them in the first place can be a good solution. Nice quote: _What you say about others says a lot more about yourself_ _Change your environments_ Certain environments attract certain kinds of people. Consider changing your environments. This will also change the people. Changing your environment even for a brief period of time can simply change that perspective, that space to see things differently and more clearly. _This is your life to live_ Always recall the above sentence when manipulative toxic people will come back to you and remind you how much they need you or how much they're dependent on you, or even how much you need them. *Final Thoughts* Even if things feel hopeless or impossibly entangled - there is a solution. Do the cleanup. Do the internal work. Take responsibility. Find the sense of self-worth. Move on with your life. The experience might be painful and confusing, but it is part of the process. _end_ Thank for reading! If you enjoyed this, maybe I can tempt you with my _RU-vid_ channel ru-vid.com I post weekly videos on rationality, mental models, future and overall productivity. I also write a tiny newsletter each Friday. You can think of this as a weekly dispatch of tactical advice you can use. kbottle.substack.com/welcome Have a great day ahead!

For that reason I stopped socializing with my mother. She would always make me feel uncomfortable about myself. And now I feel a huge relief and confidence within me.

At times, for various reasons, you may be forced to live with a toxic person. Do your best to spend as little time with them as possible. Don't let them ruin your entire day. Don't ruminate. For example, only discuss errands or chores. Talk about safe topics. Agree not to argue. To avoid phone calls, use your answering machine or shut the ringer off. Do not let yourself get overly involved in their lives. Detach yourself. Live a separate life.

I wish I'd had this video about five years ago. Someone to tell me that I was not crazy for constantly feeling defeated and betrayed and nervous in a "friendship" - unfortunately someone I also lived with. If I had heard this advice or come to the realization sooner that the relationship was simply not right, I might have saved myself years of pain. However, through that pain you are able to build better standards for yourself and I will have those lessons learned for the rest of my life. . I hope someone who needs this sees it and takes action NOW. Take it from me, there will never be a better time than the present moment to extract yourself from a toxic relationship or environment.

Nathaniel is the big brother we never knew we needed ❤️

Narcissism has been on the rise for the past 2 decades, so this will prove a very useful video for a lot of people dealing with them.

Removing toxic people from your life is not easy, but it's the best decision you can make! The moment I've done that I felt free, I started to put value onto myself, my goals and my time again! YOU'RE amazing and you DESERVE amazing people in your life! 💛

Such an important topic to cover. It takes strength and determination to admit these people are toxic let along cut them out. Stick it out, it's worth it

"The worst thing about toxic people is that they don't even see their own faults and just blame everything on you"

I come here to learn English and end up learning a lot of things, this channel is rich in content. Brazil here🇧🇷🇧🇷

Watching this video, and while generally reading articles similar to this concept of avoiding toxicity - I've observed one thing - I too am not immune to being toxic. And, that is how I've been able to recognise the good and the bad in me. Self-reflection is a crucial key to stepping away from toxic people y'all.

My ex was a perfect definition of a narcissistic pervert... He ruined my personal image, and has ruined my self-worth, everything with that relationship made me doubt who the heck I was before that, watching this video only makes me feel even greater about myself Cutting the ties so violently from him, I had to make room for self-recovery! I was 22 years old! Now that I am 25 y/o I'm truly thankful that happened to me because I truly understood what it means to have self-worth! Thank you Nathaniel for such an important video.

I've been removing toxic people in my life and I find it better. I believe my mental health should be at the utmost responsibility. Toxic relationship wouldn't benefit enhancing your mental health consciousness. Nice content Kuya Nathaniel. ❤️

“The only way out is not by playing the game. That is impossible. They make up the rules and you can never win with their rules. The only way out is cutting ties. By not engaging.” I needed to hear this a long time ago. Thank you for saying it now

Man you are coming up with such unique concepts everyday, it feels like a journey you are taking us on. Frankly, for me you have become one of the most creative guys on RU-vid

I have some people in my life that don’t make me feel good anymore, this video has helped me so much! Thank you Nathaniel

So many videos out there about toxic people, and so few say what you said. "[You won't get out of their game by winning. You can't win it. They make the rules, and change them to keep themselves the winners.]" And THAT is the hallmark for me. Thank you!

I keep hearing the quote "You are the average of the 5 most people you spend time with" and can I say this is the most truest quote i've ever heard! You become who you hang around with, so make sure that you are around ambitious, humble, kind people! Life is too short to always feel like crap about yourself and having no real support to grow with! 💯

I am feeling down, feeling defeated. There's a lot not going right in life. Got no job due to Covid. Thank you so much for the video. I started a channel and your support would mean a lot to me.

Great video. I totally agree with all these points. I was in the same situation, trying so hard to hold on, because I really cared about them/loved them no matter how well I was aware of how toxic those relationships were. Someone doesn't have to have the intention of hurting you but each small level of carelessness, lack of effort, lack of communication etc add to the list and make the entire thing 'toxic' over time, especially if you're giving more chances. I thought it's impossible to move on, but I feel quite happy to have taken the right decision! To all those who think it's difficult, it gets better over time. There's a sense of relief, comfort and happiness. It is possible. You can let go of them.... Thanks Nathaniel for speaking up about it.

The thing about toxicity is that most times they are disguised by the people you love, you know and sometimes those who you trust. That’s why it hurts and it breaks to even just admit that they are toxic and are in need to be cut off from your life. But trust me, the moment you do this will be one of those things that helped you gain your inner peace and in time, this will be one of those memories that won’t give you guilt, cringe and regret but rather a feeling of relief that you did it and a genuine smile. Cutting off toxic relationships breeds character development.

I used to be a toxic person. My girlfriend of three years broke up with me a few months ago because of my toxic habits. It was a wake-up call for me.

this truly made me cry, because I had a best friend for many years just instantaneously stopped hanging out with me, and I could never understand why. I’ve been playing the memories and friendship around in my head for all of quarantine wondering why I wasn’t enough. But, watching this made me realize it wasn’t my fault. I realized how unhappy I was in the friendship and honestly how 3 years I’ve wasted on making time for that person, and revolving my life around my ex-best friend. She manipulated me into thinking I was her only friend and how upset she would be if I wanted to be someone else. It was hard to understand and fully recognize that being alone for a while is all I needed. I’ve felt literal clarity from this situation after all these months and this video made me want to just be happy, happy because im gone from the problem. i really appreciate you, you have no idea.

Its so important to do this! I feel so different since removing certain people from my life!

As a scared young person moving out of my toxic family's home Tomorrow...I needed this. I needed this to keep me focused on hope and committed to going through with it. Thank you Nathaniel

I feel like I’m growing up with you. Everytime I watch a new video or an old one I’m reminded how far along we both have come and how much I have enjoyed watching your videos for the past few years. Thank you for sharing

I swear you read my mind Nathaniel. Whenever I have a current thought in my head a video of yours pops up on said thought. Amazing!

Well in my day to day life I have more enemies than friends, thank you for your great video quality and content Nathaniel that I have much little time to even think about those boastful, narcissist and poisonous people. Thank you

I like what he said: it’s not necessarily that either one of you are toxic. It’s that together it can turn toxic. A very good point.

I can't explain how perfect the timing for this video was. Thank you Nathaniel for always being so honest and having discussions about these subjects, listening to you talk about it feels like getting some much needed support from a friend!

Honestly, I think the most important step is to realize that people who do destructive things also suffer. Being empathetic with other people doesn't necessarily mean you support their actions or continue to do everything they want, on the contrary, I think it often makes you realize that in order for them to get better, they need people who sympathise with them but DO NOT support the bad stuff. If you can be that person, that's great. If you can't, let someone else step in and it will be better for both parties.

Your videos are always a breath of fresh air Nathaniel. I love that you're not afraid to tackle sensitive subjects that the rest of us might be uncomfortable with. Removing toxic people from our lives might not be easy, but I truly believe that the people we spend time with make a huge impact on our lives. Continue doing what you're doing man, I love the message and positivity your channel is putting out into the world. 🙏🏼

Thank you, Nathaniel ! I wish You the best in your life, too...and to Everyone who comes to this platform ! The thoughts that you have shared are so precious !

I love the empowerment that this video gives. By directing the focus back on us, we have the power to change our situation. That's exactly what I needed to do to get rid of the toxic relationships in my life. I'm glad to see that I'm not alone in this struggle to live more healthier.

I cut off a friend and the reason was because of her constant put downs ,snarky comments and just didn’t feel comfortable being her friend anymore i told her the reason and she was in denial and denied ever mistreating me so glad i am not her friend anymore!

Thank you very much for sharing this video. A few years ago I was involved in a toxic relationship and it almost drove me crazy, thanks to my friends and the psychonoalysis, I was able to escape and regain my freedom. It was difficult but there is always a way out. Greetings from Argentina

I am 31 now and very in touch with myself and my emotions. When I look back on when I was 22 it feels like I knew 5% of what I know now when it comes to personal growth and whatnot. You already have a wealth of knowledge on all this and just imagine where you will be when you’re 31. I wish you were older 😉

No matter how much I read up on mental clarity, intentional living, and self-improvement, there is still something so magical about the way you craft your videos and the messages you get across. Always inspired by and very appreciative of the work you do!

I am currently trying to remove myself from toxic environments without losing certain people. It’s a little hard but step by step I’m succeeding and finding my own self worth. Good video 👏🏼

This is such a slept on topic and yet it is so vitally important!!

This is so mind-blowing how needed this was for me. Warmed my heart and now I kind of feel less anxious and worried and freaked out about the situation I'm in right now. Thanks for the video

Sobering... Thank you Nathaniel for taking the time to share your journey, recoveries, and discoveries! Absolutely refreshing my brother.✌️😷

I absolutely needed to hear this today. I have been purging toxic people from my life from friends and colleagues to romantic entanglements and family members . This video serves as a reminder that I am doing the right work. Side note- I’m so incredibly proud of you and all that you do Nathaniel. Long time subscriber here. Thank you. ❤️

I really needed this .... some times i was thinking maybe it’s my fault that i can’t deal with others, every time i tried to re-evaluate myself but my efforts didn’t pay off. now i’m growing to understand that maybe there are another elements which i haven’t considered. thanks for this incredible video, was genuinely helpful ✌🏽

This is exactly what I needed to hear today. Thank you so much for your insight and encouragement. You are changing lives.

Your focused eye contact with the lens of your camera makes me feel you're directly talking to me which makes your message leave a deep mark on me in every video

what you say about others, says a lot more about yourself - when I was 7 I heard it, but just this year, I get what's means!

Just like your hair loss journey video and many others, this one hits so close to home. The journey you’re on and the openness with which you approach the world is quite similar to mine and I always feel so emotionally refreshed and assured after watching your content. Thank you for being you.

This can't be more timely. Much love to you and your beautiful mother.

I started grad school two years ago expecting to learn so much about the subject matter. I can for sure say I’ve learnt infinitely more about dealing with toxic people. Thanks for making this- definitely gonna share with others!

An important moment for sure in creating the space to allow the people of value in. Love it Nathaniel!

Wow thank you this is exaclly what i needed to hear today😊

THANK YOU!!!!!!! I’ve listened to other videos about this topic and yours has been the best!!!!! I have been so stressed out about a toxic person in my life and you have helped me beyond measure!!!!

Words cannot express how much I needed to hear this today! Thank you so much for this Nathaniel 😌💖

He deserves a golden buzzer!! I am sharing w a dozen friends who like me, have the unhealthy habits developed from years of damaging words & manipulation suffocating us. Learning about ACoA, Codependency, Empaths & Narcissism.... best thing I've learned at 60, it's time to recapture my life... Blessings to all of us, keep our faces lifted with pride & our hearts & faith strong! 💝

It’s amazing how well you described my father and my psycho ex! They were the most toxic people in my life. They completely changed who I am. But without those bad experiences, I wouldn’t be living the best life today! Well, not exactly the best life considering the current circumstances but definitely much better than it used to be. Free of negativity and abuse.

Thank you for this video, I totally relate to everything you said. Having experienced a toxic relationship, I can say that it does get better when you do the internal work and heal yourself. Loving yourself enough to be more selective with who enters your life is vital to having a happy life and fulfilling relationships

I truly love how transparent he is.

Thank you for this video. My ex and I were seeing eachother for 6 months and looking back on our time together, it makes me realize that we were toxic for eachother. We were in different stages in our lives and the reality of the situation was that we weren't compatible with eachother. Coming to that realization is comforting in a lot of ways and although going through a breakup isn't fun, I think that there's a lot of positive things that come out of a breakup. It's an opportunity to learn and grow from past mistakes.