How To Respond When Your Partner Says Hurtful Things 

Your speech is the most empathetic I’ve heard in a very very long time

My Mom used to say, “You’re safer with people who lay their cards on the table.” Meaning being outright and upfront about what they think. If you’re healthy, you want that. As long as their opinions are expressed respectfully.

Don't react just observe others. You can deal with your emotions later alone. If you want to respond ask " are you ok?".

It's so frustrating when someone asks you for your opinion, only to attack you afterwards. I love the way you set the boundary!

Pure gold. Thank you. This video should be mandatory training for humans.

I am a licensed addictions specialist and couples psychotherapist (and a recovering codependent with a narcissistic husband) and this is some of the best content I have heard on having compassionate boundaries . I just ordered your book.

What you said about emotions is genius.

I agree with what you’re saying. However, when a person enters a relationship with someone full on lying about everything that’s important and big don’t tell me they’re reliving their past they know intentionally what they’re doing! My reactions are definitely going back to my childhood lying, betrayal and abuse.

I sent this to my email to keep watching it

Your suit matches the backdrop very well. Nicely produced video.

Your so nice, who can ever say hurtful things to you

Excellent video! Wish I had access to this information 40 yrs ago!

Think you are right. We need to talk to each other and all living creatures from a different place, view, and mindset. Definitely!!

I thought things were going well; my friend messaged out of the blue, “You tried to ruin my heart.” It felt like a punch in the gut.😮😢

Total agreed with you!! Both sides need to take responsibilities.

Love hearing your insights Kenny.

This should be taught to intimate/domestic violence survivors. This also should be taught to abusers who are trying to heal.

Thank you for your authenticity and content. Much love ❤

thank you! love your articulate, brilliant and insightful way of shedding light on what we ought to observe.

Can you do a video on how to be mature like you? You are the person that I want to be. I am trying to have that maturity, I need help! Kenny, you are amazing!

Thank you for this message. I will have to purchase your book!! I’m curious to learn more about stage 3 & stage 4 of the worst day cycle.📕

Wow this is really outstanding Kenny, thank you so much. I can use this information in my therapy practice right away as well as in my own relationship. Although i already learned to back off and return to my heart whenever i feel attacked by him, which doesnt happen much. Learned a lot from you!

Great insights 🥰⭐❤️Thank you 🥰🙏

So true! I was stupid and tried to get my ex to change what I deemed bad behavior. After we split she said,"I tried so hard to live up to your standards" (this after I found out she had been cheating on me).She played all sorts of dirty little tricks on me to get "retribution". I should have taken my "sex blinders" off and hit the door at the very least the third red flag.

You just opened my eyes.

lol your delivery resonates with me. It makes me laugh sometimes.

Superb speech. Thanks a lot, sir

Thank you😊

I just purchased your book 📕

just found ur channel . I get mad pretty quickly I wanna learn how to deal with this . I'm always defensive

Thank you 😊 💓

Actually anyone not just partners

I am listening to your book and it's fascinating cause I did find something from my almost perfect childhood that I am trauma bonded to. Now listening to this video I know that I did just that with my stbex husband. He would provoke a fight or an argument, I would tell him I can't participate now I need to calm down give me some time to think and lets talk about it later. He would pretend to allow me to think, I would retrieve in to another room to try and calm down and think how to handle this crazy situation. 5 min later he would walk in and love bomb me trying to continue the argument, I would ask him to go away, then the argument would start, I would lock the door to my room, he would pick the lock and continue on. I would want to leave the house, he would not let me by saying I am not in any condition to go anywhere or to drive and it would end up with a huge fight, me crying my eyes out begging him to leave m alone, him on his knees by my bed promising to change and seek professional help. Me explaining to him that if he would just stop when I asked him to this could all be avoided and him again promising to stop next time, to come up with a trigger word like stop, pain or something of a sort to trigger him to stop on a dime. And it's 25 years of the same crap. So why didn't your theory worked for me? The same happened just recently with my kids, I told them I am not in any mental state now to have this discussion and it ended up in a fight anyway where I just blocked them completely so they don't bother me while I am trying to recover from the discard and going through my divorce. It's too much to deal with all of this at the same time. The more I tell them to leave me alone because I can't deal with this, them more they gang up on me. I tell them I am hypervigilant. I tell them I can't react normally to some things, I tell them I can't be involved in that argument or discussion the angrier they get and it created even worse argument until I literally just completely stonewall myself from this. But that means I am ending up all alone. So I don't know how to deal with this in real life.

00:00 Gather informations about them: how are you feeling 04:20 Ask about your needs and wants 06:40 Celebrate their NO

Can u do a meet-up book signing event? We would love to meet u

What are you do if they’re your transportation and you don’t have another ride home?

Kenny I’m 10 years deep in marriage with two kids under 10. Long story short I’m moving along on my healing journey and really really struggling to leave a relationship I need too.

What happens if they put the emotion in the first place

Really insightful information ~ thank you. Question: So can a relationship sometimes then finally come down to too many boundaries that indicate people are so different they don’t have enough common ground on which to build/continue a relationship OR can you just get so good at boundaries you can conceivably be in relationship with anyone?

You should have many more views and subscriptions

What if someone don't really like to even speak with a person who are trying to make to must change the character like they need. How to avoid that.

Help me understand. If someone says something hurtful to me and I have an emotional reaction, am I reacting to them or something from my past? Probably both?

So I am confused,, you say that if someone hurts me with their words,, it has nothing to do with me,, but then I think u say,, its my unhealed emotion from past, that is upsetting to me,, so it seems contradictory , bc it does have something to do with me,,. Could u explain?

2:42

Your pinky finger is throwing me off a little, but great video!!! Thank you!!!

Maybe it's just me but if you close your eyes sounds like Corey Taylor

you are not supposed to tolerate be it partner or any hero's hurtful things, hurtful things are only hurtful only if its close to your heart when you are fully involved in it ,then it hurts and you will feel pain ,hurtful things are never hurtful because i want to trigger someone thats idiotic,you can feel bad at someone's words but its emotionally and practically impossible to always get hurt at so called hurtful word of anyone

My response sounds more like “f u”

so what you are saying is that abuse is the victims fault then? that doesnt make sense. accusations are made to inuduce negative emotions in people.

Your smart and handsome 😚