How to SHUT DOWN a Gaslighter in Public 

That's a genius response! 👍

hahahahahaha that's fantastic!

OK... I'm stealing this response.

That's fantastic....❤❤❤

😂I love this So much!!

Great! 🇬🇧

@@marylourdes007 it was as bad as the statement “whatever“. It’s really angered him. Someone would be so insensitive…

That's a good one! Thanks for sharing.

stealing this thank you

Great line!!

People who feel inferior will do it as well.

​@@qua7771 Bullying is usually (maybe always) motivated by feelings of inferiority.

@@mewho6199 That's true.

After a messy divorce and continued skirmishes it was clear the stepfather figure was the bully and always called my dad a coward. I wanted to be neither

So true.

She might have been complimenting. Meaning you didn't look that heavy.

​@@playfulpatyy57 I'm afraid that wasn't the case. I've been a part of this family since 1999, and this has been a real issue with her from the beginning. Sadly, she ticks all the boxes for vulnerable narcissism. This incident is just one of hundreds of instances where she engaged in typical narcissistic behavior. I'm not qualified to diagnose people, but once you learn about all the variances of narcissistic behavior, and you see a person behaving this way, you just can't unsee it. Notice I used the word 'sneered' when describing her face when she spoke to me at that moment. That's exactly what she did. There was clear contempt for my achievement because she has always had a problem with her weight and has never been able to consistently keep the weight off. I NEVER comment on other people's appearance or size, unless I am paying them a compliment (i.e. Oh that dress looks so cute on you today!). That night, I was simply explaining to her new boyfriend why my husband and I were ordering vegetarian dishes from the restaurant we were ordering from that evening, and my weight loss success always gets eye rolls from her every time it comes up. I sincerely wish she didn't behave this way because she has made every family gathering we've had over the years difficult for the most selfish reasons.

@@playfulpatyy57good example of gaslighting you just did here on her comment ✔️✔️✔️

@@hopegrableole playful paty just did some gaslighting herself on your comment. I understood your experience and it was valid don’t worry about explaining yourself to someone who wasn’t there!!! Much love 💯☮️💟

@@SarTafoolya thanks for your support. 🙏 Her comment sounds a lot like comments you might get from extended family members and family friends. Enablers who say things like, 'I've never had a problem with her.' I am used to getting this kind of feedback when I mention vegetarianism. I also get comments from people saying things like maybe I'm being overly sensitive about it. These toxic responses are not helpful. Thanks again for your support. 💖💕

Quite right. If somebody wants an argument to no purpose, I just disengage.

Brilliant!

Oh that's a good one i've note that one down😋

It reminds me what I told my father some months ago : "It's not a matter of being right or wrong, it is a matter of doing wathever can be done to make others happy or sad."

Excellent response!

I have Memories like that too, except the sisters added their own abuse

Brilliant! Living your Goddess life! Great success story!

@@marylourdes007 Ha, thank you Mary. Seeing comment rocked me for a sec - I had a very successful company called Goddess a number of years ago. I thought I had that posted somewhere. 🙂

Good for you!

My mom specialty as well. Now I call her "my dad's wife", not my mom.

Thank you for this quote

I like Voltaire, tysm!❤

That’s exactly what is happening all over the world… the insanity currently in motion. And in the minds of people unable to discern lies from reality.

Ridiculous.

@@fluttergirl75 what is ridiculous? The Voltaire quote?

That's one of mine, too! And a simlar one, ...first, a sort of wondering stare, followed by "you do use Google, don't you?"

Cue whipping out of phones.

@@johncasey1020 I literally can’t stand phone ripper outers!!! Phone ripper outers are a bizarre subset of public gaslighters. Its’s a huge visible signal that you are among a narcissist gaslighter. Great time to say goodbye, exit or my favorite “ I think you just answered your own question.” lol.

Or you can turn the power around and just tell that person “well, why don’t you look it up?” 😂

My typical answer is " don't believe me, you can look it up yourself and find out."

Sounds familiar.

shows what an immature and frustrated atmosphere prevails in those "corporate" meetings. Sad...

Because the corporate world is where social disorders thrive 😬

💯

Indeed. In a group of men, there is always one man who asks me what I did this weekend. He knows I don’t like to say EVERYTHING about my private life, but he keeps on asking me in these team calls. I don’t know how to shut him down.

Excellent words 😅

I like that. "You can believe whatever you want." Shrug and walk away.

That's a good one.

Thank you for the idea for how to cope and what to say. Appreciate it. ❤

Yes, this is really good and helpful. Tried it twice with two different people in two different situations and immediately they let go and latched on to someone else who was responsive and did engage and tried to convince them. Afterwards I talked to people very close to me and they also said, that they realized what douchy people these guys were. So I think these people out themselves as being bad sooner or later, so you don't have to put in the work to convince them that you're right. I encourage everyone to give it a try 😍

Agree and not even a thank you.

Absolutely! And that is applicable in any culture!

exploited by who? you and Allah? you and all your gods you know and imaginations and dwindled down to a Narc and innovation? please tell me about getting exploited. you cant even do the Quran and you live inside it .

In the other good book it's put it like this ..the truth will set you free...😮

Also the darkness will come to lite

I was at a family gathering at one of my sisters' house- food wasn't provided,we were all ordering pizza & nothing was happening. I knew a place that was cheap but very good pizzas. I organised the pizzas to be delivered, collected the money, etc. I asked for a gourmet pizza over the phone, said it the proper French way. (goor-may). My 2 narc sisters started to mock me by imitating the way I pronounced it loudly, laughing & sniggering,elbowing each other to humiliate me, right across table from me,they kept it going for ages. I did not react at all bc I was working on greyrocking these 2 narcs. The next day I sent them each a voice-over of how to correctly pronounce "gourmet" in the French language,since it is a French word. They both don't even know French & think bc I didn't say "gor-may", like they do, then I must be wrong. I never heard any reply from either but felt their invisible shame & embarrassment from afar, lol. I have not been in the same room with both since then. Blocked the instigator( Queen narc), limited contact with the other. This is a decades long habit with them but has gotten progressively worse since our mother,our last parent of 6 children, died. Don't react right then, whenever you are contradicted publicly, that is what they want. They really thought they were correct when they were really showing how ignorant they were. Touchè! 😂

I was having major problems with a group of narcs in a game and after learning stuff about them and how mirroring works it just immediately clicked why everyone else socializes the way they do and why they don't seem to interact much with others, because obviously we don't know each other and isn't safe to just throw ourselves into interacting with just about anyone. So people just tend to float around coexisting with others but not in so many words the very fact they leave others alone not causing harm though says enough. By observing this i realized they do this as a kind of weird boundary against any nefarious people to keep them out which is totally a method of "grey rocking" but it's incorporated into how people socialize in general, yeah yeah i've got it now🤔and i immediately started doing this to the narcs and it's hilarious because they don't know WHAT to do with themselves *snigger* 😆They did try a few more times to get me to react but because the change happened internally too i'm so beyond at peace now. The guy mainly responsible for it all he appears sore too because soon after we bump into each other he leaves bwhaha "grey rocking" truly is a magical ability DO IT. My only qualm with it is people do take it a bit too much to the extremes because every now and then at least once a day we need to get the blood flowing a bit we can't stay inconspicuous and boring all the time, but people do and it's frustrating for someone like me who likes a challenge and needs that intellectual stimulation. I mean sure to some extent they do too? but they get too much into habit of it and scared of making things more interesting. Meanwhile there's poor me bouncing up and down when i get an energy spike gagging for a challenge lol good lord okay grey rocking works it does but too boring now pffff you're alright people but i need to go find a challenge lol, if some days i just want to be still you know where i'll be but i can't exist like that all the time, if you get what i mean?.

​@@joeythebushkangaroo1the best outcome ever

@@rsamom Good stuff!

​@@joeythebushkangaroo1but the way you pronounced it is exactly how we pronounce it in english. Surprised they didnt know that. Ouch.

😂😂 I like that - they want to be taken seriously, and this makes them seem childish, way less authoritative or powerful. Good call!

😂😂😂🎉

It’s a good idea, but usually and unfortunately, not that great to use anything remotely even minuscule next to “humor” to make a point because they just make it cave in. By making it look like you’re caving in.

Perfect response

Or you could say : " You wouldn't know because I purposely didn't invite you with you always spoil fun"

I have to remember that one.

Here here

I remember Queen Elizabeth saying this. But this quote ain't clear enough. Explanation/more information is required. It ain't clear which side is supported. This particular sentence can be used by everyone trying to defend themselves. Most readers don't know about Queen Elizabeth's expression. She had a lot to defend. What are you really trying to say? 😘❤❤❤ PS. I'm sorry for putting your reaction on the spot. I just felt obligated to point this out. Please correct me if I misunderstood.

@amsterdampigeon2103 When someone tries to gaslight me in public, I just quote the Queen. It can end that round of the game. To say to a gaslighter Recollections may vary, effectively deflects that verbal attack. Once, during a phone call, I simply repeated, "That's not necessary. " I'm under no obligation to explain or defend my simple statement. My list included, "That's not any of my business. " and "That's really not any of your concerns."

@@deborahbreeden4394 strong.

Lovely 👏

Yeah that's why you shouldn't bother especially since usually it's always about something not worth even knowing nor do you care about, and if you must don't even check it around them because they'll know you're still impressionable enough to get to you like that even a little bit, just do it when you get back home but i guarantee it's not gonna be worth your time still and the worry and stress. I stopped telling anyone anything about my life even other family members this being one of the reasons it's ammo for these people and the majority of people on both sides are narcs, and if i have to i keep it super undetailed and the answers simple and short as possible and if i don't have to talk to them i won't because i know i can't trust to tell them anything sad but true. Now with social media people have learned how to use information against people better so you have to put up those boundaries and honestly i'm much better off without those too because it prevents the smallest things being used against me that doesn't even mean anything and people did even when i decided to try and keep things completely casual noop i still wasn't allowed lol If you know what is true inside yourself then why are you worried? if you don't know that then why does it even matter? don't even get into the game of constantly checking just incase a narcissist might use it against you. Nooo because that's still them pulling you into a petty competitive situation and they'll turn the smallest thing into a competitive situation it's nuts and that's why they pull you into checking don't check trust me. What i went through recently in an online game they had me constantly checking the online player list to see if they're there even when they were anonymous or of course they were already there lol but i was checking every hour i was online but it was just a lot of stress and a wasted time. How i pulled myself out of that i just got the anguish out of my system and then all that tension dissipated and suddenly a shift happened and they could no longer bother me anymore. Then i learned how to go along with the vibe of other people which is peaceful nobody else wants to bother me, and to grey rock the narcs by just being myself and saying nothing i just chill, and i take a few more breaks and not even paying attention to what any players are doing i do something else. The same thing would work with people in real life because it's about training your focus anywhere else except only on what you're doing so then you can easily pull yourself away from needed. These narcissistic people will try and try to pull you in especially appealing to the competitiveness in all of us but we realize this isn't good competitiveness and honestly they're sore losers and why they do it but nobody is winning or losing anything them acting like this there's only a lot to lose. Don't play their game and put your emotions and energy on far better things and just having fun🙂❤

Oh yes, that one is very regular here

Yup. They just wont give up. 😢

Exactly

@@user-dk3xm3qv1d Someone told me years ago, it's like a game of cricket, just let some go thru to the wicket-keeper. You don't have to hit every ball that comes at you. Sometimes I'll get a smartalec or sarcastic comment from one of my brothers,esp. I just ignore & he'll say loud,out of embarrassment,- she didn't even get it or hear it, I say "no ,i just let it go thru to the wicket-keeper!" Lol ;) ignore it,don't give them airtime!

The only way to win someone else's game is not to play.

True true true. I have been telling my kids and 12 grand kids that same thing.

YES

Yes. Gaslighters would love to see people cry or get red faced angry. They definitely are not team players with their small grade smear campaigns.

Yes. 100%.

I finally figured out that not only did I need to stick to the facts, I didn't need to prove the truth. State the facts. If challenged, state the facts in as close to the same words as you can. And they don't know what to do when you don't bite on things like, "Give me a specific instance." I don't have to give a specific instance for it to be true. "You know how bad your memory is." I remember this correctly. And so forth.

yes!

And they know it's true because they are doing their darndest to make you that way.

You're! Right 👍🤗

​yEP 👍 🤗

I was called that by some discord admins that ran a server of a Popular Creator before on top of speaking ill half-truths and lies about me! good to know they will use ANY tactic ti get what thy want sooooo if any of them see this... they better watch their back because Defamation is a SUEABLE offense even across state lines

Not all the time. For example you've just eaten in a five star restaurant and then for whatever reason you go on social media trying to smear the guy saying his restaurant serves the worst food they've ever had. That is an opinion, not defamation. Now calling him a pedo or saying he's trafficking children. That's defamation.

Slander, defamation, false light, ...

@@pmeehan_3 unless you have evidence he is...

It Sure Is!!!!!

Prove it

Wow. Your Mom knew that sheets on an occupied bed under her roof, hadn't been through her laundry for four weeks? What a neglectful home and family manager. You can't blame a child for that, even a teen. She's the one who owns the mattress and the sheets and the house. She's the one who made the choice to be slovenly. Not to mention, she just could have been decent to you, her child. Hugs, dear.

When my MIL recited an embarrassing story from my husband's childhood (again!) my son piped up "that must have been decades ago - you're not very forgiving are you Grandma?!" 🤭 Proudest moment!😅

@@idkwhodos2840 GOOD KID! He was well-reared.

I will use those in the future, when my mother starts trying to embarass me again. Or somwone else, like her best friend. Poor guy, they have been friends for decades, and she will not forgive him that one mistake, must have been 35 years ago: she was sick and he wanted to do her a favor and get some groceries. So she wrote a list, including her favourite ready to eat frozen meal (something with noodles and brokkoli). He went to buy the groceries and came back with canned ravioli instead of her meal. Not once did she concider, that maybe her meal was sold out, or he could not find it or anything alike for some reason, and then, maybe he decided to buy ravioli instead, knowing that would not go to waste (he loves ravioli). I would do it like that, if calling her for a plan b was not an option. She never thought of it, she never once asked him what he thought in doing that. She just assumed he had been too dumb and lazy to read properly and started insulting him for it and never stopped.

@@idkwhodos2840 Oh my goodness! I got a chuckle imagining a child look at grandma's face when he called her out! Did your husband look shocked or have a smirk that he had to hide?? Good for you; you raised a son who's not afraid to point out the hypocrisy of trying to embarrass his father over a worn out decades ago 'story slam'.

I feel like you are describing my workplace and my experience. Great advice. I always think to myself that the best way I can “stick it to her” is to not take the bait and not show any emotion just wear a casual smile and think about what I need to buy at the grocery store after work 😅 I actually think I confuse her at times!

Bravo ❤ I really hope that your new place much healthier

There are more horse's asses in the world than horses. Sorry you found one.

So glad that you’re away!

So passive aggressive. Glad you left that toxic environment.

Amazing!

Good one! 😂

Brilliant 😂❤🎉😅😊

😂😂😂

Love it!❤

May I add this one to my toolbox? I have one I like: "oh, is this an additional episode of INSERT NAME HERE's Fantasy Theater?"

"i guess we do lose our memory when we get older, because I assure you that never happened. Anyway, who else is looking forward to the Olympics?"

​@@peachesandpoetsha! ❤

Good one!

Wow!

I was in the angry phase of my recovery.. even surprised me, still makes me smile.. taking back my power

Screenshot!

I really like that one. It's the first one I've read that actually makes me feel better... Like I'd actually feel strong afterwards instead of punched in the guts. Thanks!

The problem is most people in a group settings are such clueless cowards, they don't care if a victim is being subjected to gaslighting. They just care they aren't the target of gaslighting so ignore it. If a few people in the group were brave enough to step in, the narcissist would no longer have "power".

Great idea! Thanks for sharing!

Well when I asked one guy to give me a source for his claims he called me quote unempathic. What astonished me was not the fact that he did that but that the group around him who was hypnotized by his monopolized monologue (this was not supposed to be a lecture but just a fireplace hangout/meet) proceeded to criticize me for quote -attacking- him. That day really made me a misanthrope around groups of people, they are just as sick as the leader himself. Really, narcissist wouldn't be able to do any evil if not for the enablers around them...

@@h4xi0rek This is why weak people disgust me.

Doesn't Always Work.

Man, Marshmallows really are the worst. Sir, do you have proof for that, sir?! What? Do. You. Have. Proof?! Why is everybody leaving? Can't you see he's a master manipulator?!?

Stoic Philosophy was Marcus Aurelius' thing; he was the "last of the five great emperors" of the Roman Empire. Your quote of his is much the opposite of a narcissist's credo but, but it's a great reminder (and boost to confidence levels) for those who are learning to successfully cope with, survive, and 'be victorious' over narcs in their lives. Thanks for the quote.

I'm very similar. I want people to show me actual real proofs that things I believe are wrong.

Why not say that to the gaslighter when attacked?

This is true. Once on a train I saw a guy making a woman sitting near him very uncomfortable. I wanted to say something, but I was scared, and didn't know what to do. So I froze and stayed quiet. Afterwards I read an article which suggested, going up to the woman, pretending that you recognised them from college, and asking them if they wanted to get a coffee. The article adviced not confronting the abuser, but rather focusing offering their victim, a way to walk away. Also if you don't feel able to do that, then to record the situation on your phone, and let the police know you have a video of the incident. For confronting men in your friend group. The most effective way is to say, "Those comments you made to her. Not cool. You made her feel really uncomfortable." That's it, don't make it a big deal, and don't exclude them from the group, unless they show they keep doing it.

Thank you. I know it's hard for men too, and I SUPER THANK every and any man who took the risk to stand up for someone smaller, or weaker, or just because another human had need. I've asked men for help, and I'm very grateful for that help. I'm a great worker in equality for all citizens. AND I also know that there's nothing like male hormones, to exert authority or control other male hormones.

​@@michauxborns yikes. Another example of why there's a male loneliness epidemic. How dare someone suggest something of you

@@sarahf.1036 My sister's husband was screaming at her when my husband was at their house helping with some repairs. My brother-in-law said to my husband something to the effect of an apology; my husband told him "...quit yelling at your wife; you're wrong to do that; what you're screaming about is something you did, so fix it...". My sister was shocked; nobody ever spoke to her husband like that. She was surprised her husband actually shut up.

​@@NYbashaw3 you have a wonderful husband.

Divorce

Divorce

Oh gosh, same here!!! Constantly corrected in public!

Glad to hear he is your ex!

It truly is painful and destabilizing. And that is their ultimate goal - to weaken us. I'm glad you're not with him anymore and I hope you've found the peace of mind you deserve.

My Mom and my Sis would mix truth and lies to such a clever degree. To deny the lie, was to also deny the truth.

I absolutely relate to that. Same thing happened with my ex, and I had no sense of mooring to deal with it. Many years elapsed before I was able to recognize what he did and forgive myself for being such a fool. So glad we can come away from these situations stronger and better equipped.

Perfectly worded 🙏🏻❤️

Very true, experienced the last part myself multiple times. Hard not to be a misanthrope tbh

yes this is why i hate groups and stay away. even three people groups

Absolutely!! Similar story 🤦🏽‍♀️

It's weird to me, how many people are willing to stand by and watch gas lighters in action, or join in, or just pretend it's not happening -or afterwards pretend it never happened at all. I've experienced what you have. Myself, I'm very much alone in the world, but it seems a heavy price to pay just because you're not willing to let yourself be abused... Or because the truth is important enough to not actively seek out under the carpet. It makes me wonder if there are actually any good people in the world. And if there are, where are they?

@justme9818 Usually gaslighters have strategically insinuated themselves into a group so when they pick you as their victim, they know they will not be questioned and are just waiting for us to mess up. They always have an agenda for what they do and plan well ahead. It's insane.

There's a massive difference between being lonely and choosing to be alone. You didcthe latter, celebrate 🎉

Good 4 u 🤗

Thank you so much! I really needed a good laugh! ...Maybe I'll go look for some librarians.

Where do i find one?

Good to know!

She's probably doing this to others in the group, too.

@@lindac6919 truth

I had a friend like this. It was like everyone wanted their acceptance so badly that they could do no wrong. I didn’t pander to them and suddenly I stopped getting invited to things and other friends slowly disappeared. I think this person knew I saw right through them and so made sure I was out of the group. Oh well. I refuse to put up with that kind of toxicity and if the others just followed their lead they weren’t really my friends anyway

Yes but in public you are engaged regardless

I stuck up for a family member who was being traumatized because of a small petty thing she did. I wasn't going to rake her over the coals because nobody is perfect. They tried to get me to go after her and I said no. What about forgiveness but they didn't want that.

I hate was everyone’s reaction???

Mediocre tbh

​@Th3BigBoy Nope --- that's a GREAT way to shut 'em down !!! 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

Wonderful --- gonna use that one --- thanks!!! 😂

"If you're going to continue doing this I'm going to leave". But you have to follow through. It works wonders

Interesting, in my case it only affects how I am perceived (e.g. my tone sounds more composed and I do not swear). My emotional triggers stay the same.

I feel exactly the same, I am French and when I become too emotional I speak in English.

I feel like it is abusive.

My caveat is: any time a target uses the word 'you' or 'your' typically gives the abuser/narc/gas lighter permission to go nuts. I tend to ask generalized but pointed questions. This breaks their flow & their brains tend to melt. 😂😊😂

I would rephrase what you posted as: "Did you know that gaslighting is a boorish tactic and borders on abuse?" This gets the bully into another part of their thinking process and tends to COMPLETELY shut off the attack. My experience, anyway. 😊

Look at it through an intellectual lens and as a challenge to learn about yourself, about others, and all the different behaviors and patterns in people's behaviors. It's so common these days if not all of us have been effected by these people because we have been harmed by these people everywhere we've been it's why so many people have mental health issues. We humans behave, think, perceive things, and feel in a lot of the same ways because genetically we're almost the same especially our mammal sides so it seems creepy and eerie as if they can see into our souls but it's not and people have spent centuries learning everything they can about every species on our planet. They're human too and from experience know what it's like too having gone through the same things it's just learning to put words and feelings to things that's the hardest and you won't know some emotions you were or are feeling or even know what you actually needed to know until you find that out. I'm still pretty shocked about the revelations i have as i steadily go through all this from different channels and i reflect, observe, and feel myself and my emotions but at the same time already knowing how neglected we all are these days not so shocked it just wasn't what i expected to things to seem like. You've got to keep a level head with these things because you have to go through a great deal of reflection and observation while listening to yourself and learning.

It's so hard, isn't it.. I found her videos after I'd already done a lot of work on narcissistic abuse, so they don't trigger me as badly as they might have done a year ago. But the conflict between necessary education and unavoidable trigger is still a big deal for me. It's awful. Trauma is often so undersupported, it's a hard road. I wish you good luck.

Yes, it is inner work. Not easy but worth it.

😳 sounds exactly like my ex wife! I’m sorry you had to go through that .

@@LetGaiaLive It was Watching Dr. Ramani Videos that helped me So much to understand and get myself and my children Out of there and away from her .

Thank you 👍

I'm sorry you were abused by her. I was also in a relationship with a guy with NPD, who did the same thing, the pre-warning about his behaviour. It's like abusive people know that they are the problem, so they allude to it, so if their victim sticks around, the abuser thinks, "It's their own fault for staying with me, after I told them what I'm like".

Like my x boyfriend telling me it’s all my fault for believing his lies!!

Haha i just came to the same conclusion of focusing on the fact nobody else acts this way and won't do these things to people they just want to chill and get along with others in peace and harmony. So i've sort of anchored myself to that and it's seriously eased my social anxiety truly realizing that after years of struggle and confusion a peace has washed over me🙂still a lot to learn about how to socialize and how to navigate different situations though but this is a good start indeed. Also recognize how the way people socialize they're always using "grey rocking" as a defense against any nefarious people that may be around it's like it's being used as some sort of boundary. It's why from the outside they seem super mundane and boring but really? are they? lol. I'm still adjusting to this because since day 1 of my life i always had it in my head people were so freaking boring i just didn't get it and while yes the way it looks and feels is always going to feel super weird but understanding the reasons i think i can go along with this just fine. I'm just not used to how still people are being because the people around me and the relationships they formed with me i'm used to them being so reactive, dysregulated, and emotionally intense like so much stress. Although i don't know how most people have always naturally got this while some of us spend a long time not understanding.

Effective

Ohh I like this line ❤

What is grey rock?

😢

👏

It can totally be gaslighting. Many people will straight lie about how sure they are when you correct them because they cannot stand the “shame” of being wrong. In service situations though, I just let ‘em act like I’m wrong until they feel like they puffed themselves up enough, and then move on calmly like ain’t nothing happened. Most the people observing the situation are aware that the gaslighter was displaying bad manners and probably blowing smoke. They are on the tour to listen to you, the professional guide. No one cares what some attention seeking chatterbox has to say, and there’s no need for you to pretend to care either- it just keeps the gaslighter going on and on; wasting all the polite clients’ time. ❤ Who knows? Maybe those polite clients will show their appreciation for you rkeeping the train on track by leaving bigger tips 😁

Having those one liners prepared is so important. One that has proved useful for me: that’s your opinion.

@@spedding120 Very true. Being prepared, even rehearsing, makes a big difference in how we react. Helps me stay in control of a situation. I like your "that's your opinion" one-liner, because they state things as factual to throw us off balance. Downgrading what they say to "opinion" lets them know they can't pull one over on us, hoping we believe their lie and doubt ourselves.

I'm wondering why the father's allowing his adult child to ACT like that to a guest? I would think he'd shut it down.

It's unclear to me who the father said “Don’t let him do you like that.” If he said it to his son then I can see why the son is the way he is. If the father said that to you then to me it sounds like the father is somewhat of a decent person and that would make me wonder how the son is the way he is.

What clicked for me and is the easiest way to recognize narcissistic people is learn about Mimicking and Mirroring and you've seen they constantly have this switched on all the time they're always doing it. Even down to your physical tick's and habits they'll mimic and reflect it back to you by doing it just to either love bomb you to gain your trust and make you feel so loved and accepted, and then twist it around to be jerks for no reason using it against you by constantly doing it even when there's nothing wrong about it. They'll make people think there is something wrong with it. When talking to them they may repeat back to you everything you said or join into the conversation and pretend they're actually interested in what you're talking about, maybe instead use it with other people taking it away from you and passing it off as their idea or what they thought of. If they know something about you they'll pretend to like it too when they don't just to hurt you with it. They may try to copy everything else too because all they want to do is devalue and be destructive it just depends how far they want to go with it and the level of crazy. Lastly most people wouldn't do this to you and try to make you think it isn't what it is everyone else just leaves people alone and want to coexist, and it's why they incorporate "grey rocking" into the way they socialize with people to keep these people out. Anyone who does that knows exactly what you meant and will even try to get you to "prove yourself" and may try to turn the smallest thing into a competition to try and pull you in but don't take the bait just focus on the general vibe and energy of other people. If people want to believe them and join in let them because you know they don't know you and you don't know them like why do you care? there's no attachment there and almost always will they affiliate themselves with a group of other narcissists so those making fun of you too are probably like them too you'll want to stay away from that.

​@@NYbashaw3Maybe the apple didn't fall far from the tree

When I brought up a problem with the narcissist I was in a relationship with, he'd say, "That didn't happen", then 2 minutes later he'd say, "The only reason that happened was because you ..." Then he'd accuse me of something I didn't do. I didn't understand how a grown man could invent a lie on the spot, and claim it was true. Then I read more, and found that people with personality disorders, confabulate and "remember" things which didn't happen. Their memories always put them in the right, and blame other people. DARVO is the term for this: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. In narcissists memories, they are always the victim, and the people they abuse is always the Offender who attacked them.

It sounds like he has pain you're not aware of. Disagreeing isn't necessarily gaslighting.

I've had my favourite uncle. His son tried to tell me once he is not who I think he is. I felt offended. After his death I've learned he was indeed abuser, and what I thought was his real persona, was his superficial charm. It was painful to realise since I've had so many good memories of him

Whenever we feel the need to invite a certain family member, the ENTIRE family asks him to behave himself.

Same here

its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back

Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?

Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive

Limerance~find out about it. I may have spelled it wrong.

Lol 😆

@@voyagehome5810 On the way home, my husband chuckled and said "You got a bit of your own back, back there, didn't you?" 😁

Same here. This is a lesson I need.

You found an awesome mentor. Stick with it for continual improvement with yourself and your new life. Healing is a long game process that will get better with time and effort. ❤

@@user-mj4sd5ev2c I love that. Thank you. I truly believe my strong core identity from childhood saved me from these cycles. I started learning more about this a few years ago. I’ve been following Ramani for a while and I genuinely mean it when I say she saved me. On so many levels and in so many ways. It’s helped me heal and grow so much. Understand what is acceptable. What is unacceptable. How to gracefully bow out and disengage. I hope everybody hurting from these cycles finds their peace too ✨

Not to toot my own horn too loudly, but I commented this elsewhere and sharing here (if you need a quick solution.). The following technique works like a bloody charm: Alternatively, I find a quick Google search at the first swing is effective. At the shaming attempt, throw oneself under the "I'm just pedantic " self-deprecation bus, and then (for the group shame attempt), a calm, "Totally get it--accuracy isn't high priority for everyone--I know I'm uptight about facts" *insert cutesy shrug and grin here*. Which yes, is playing the passive aggressive game--but having been raised by a narcissist, and having been in several longterm dynamics with them--I swear, it's like they're freaking everywhere--it works every time, AND sets a prophylactic precedent. Eventually, the person who does the quick Google check becomes the one the room turns to when the next person is targeted for the social gaslight attack.

One time we gaslighted a girls mom. She said her car wasn’t in the garage in the middle of the night. The girl had gone on a joy ride. She just told her mom she must had been dreaming and the mom took the bait. She didn’t call her mom stupid or any name calling. It was a get out of jail free card… just stick to your reality .. and I don’t confront the gaslighter either.

It is so horrible when family taunts and gaslights. It feels like such a betrayal.

Exactly I would say no you have your facts wrong and your gaslighting is not going to work.

Doesnt work in the online world though. They just get stupid and do everything they can to get the last word claim. A precious few onliners are so petty on being exposed I started using an auto-reply app just to deny them the last word.

@@mrsqueakthecat.8061 definitely , very true . Each situation is different . You gotta Go with your Gut !

@@mrsqueakthecat.8061 why bother to have the last word with stupid

@@raysand2557 and....taking my business elsewhere.

This sounds like my family. I have moved away and they wonder why I am hesitant to go and stay with them. Had a best friend that was like this too, and they all talk about "why" I am so quiet.

Self isolating is very common for those of us who have experienced narcissistic abuse. For me, it feels safe and has given me time to heal. Through videos like this one and others, I feel a sense of community with understanding souls. I wish you the best in your healing journey. You are not alone. Thank you for commenting.

Value yourself and realize life is too short to spend around toxic people. Get involved with activities you enjoy to meet new people.

Well, that's the thing with narcissistic people they know how to make you lose your time your valuable lifetime. And that usually happens with empathic people who do not count their efforts to stick to their human values. In retrospective, you were not alone you automatically decided to respect yourself and your values. I believe people who do not do that get lost. Now would you rather get lost or would you rather get old gracefully?

I can completely relate. I finally realized the totality of my narcissistic sisters bullying to me at the age of 60. She is my only sibling, and all my life, I wanted nothing more than a deep relationship with my only sibling. Our mother passed a year ago, and her entitled, selfish, downright awful behavior was the last straw. I have been no contact since December. They do not change, and we do not deserve the continuous abuse and cruelty. I and my best friend have “adopted “ each other as sisters. Our biological family does not have to be our tribe. Find the people who love and value you and feel genuine joy for you in your happiness.

I still want to know what A&M plant means! It was developed at Texas A&M?

@lindac6919 Hi Linda, I believe she called it that because she thought the color of it resembled the Texas A&M school color. It's a campfire coleus.

I think I would make a little plant marker with Gig 'Em painted on it. 😂 And then act like I didn't know how it got there.

@@saraheck7898 Oh. thank you! I love coleus

So good.