How To Spot a Narcissist and Heal From Them w/ Dr. Ramani Durvasula | The Psychology Podcast 

Dr. Ramani is a rare, concisely, clear, empathetic, and supportive voice for those of us who suffer from antagonistic relationships. I value her insight, her knowledge, her understanding, and her compassion! Dr. Ramani, well said in this broadcast!

“Stop putting unicorns in front of people who are suffering. Because in the vast majority nothing’s gonna change.” YES, Dr. Ramani! Tell it!

Dr Ramani - I am astounded that folks have been hateful towards you. What? This hurts me for you. I am so sorry there are so many jerks out there. Keep on keeping on!!

I love how Dr. Ramani is not wishy-washy. Often when people tell us to let go of the awareness of narcissism, and the damage that comes from these relationships, it’s similar to the concept of spiritual bypass. Which further invalidates people that were victims of narcissist abuse. It also does cause that confusion she talks about. Because we know the experience we had, and the damage it caused, and then we are made to feel shame around it like oh, they just had a traumatic childhood, and all these other excuses for their very harmful behaviors. The conflict between our felt experience of abuse and having that experience minimized and justified is what creates.. hello birth of cognitive dissonance. We are not blaming everything on the narcissist. We are blaming them for everything that was that direct result of the entanglement with them (hate to call it connection, that muddies something healthy). Which ironically is a lot. They are the cause of lots of damage. When we are clear on this, that is when progress is made. No more excuses that is a form of enabling narcissism to continue running rampant.

As a provider in health care, Dr Ramani has been tremendously helpful to me personally and professionally. She is very empathetic, clear, concise and articulate. She is a MASTER communicator of some very complex concepts. Thank you Thank you Dr Ramani!!🙏🫶

Dr. Ramani, you outshined the host and were so good at making your intelligence known on this subject. 👏 Course everyone knows you are THE person to go to for in-depth knowledge of narcissists. I can't thank you enough for saving my sanity.❤

Dr. Ramani is absolutely wonderful in her knowledge! She’s a gift to this world.

dr Ramani done amazing here not sure id have coped as well.. tricky but she outdone herself as usual.

Thank you so much for recognizing that therapists have downplayed narcissistic abuse! I was married to an oncologist, living in the south and I was a housewife. No one wanted to call a spade a spade. The best I got was one psychologist who told me that as long as I had no needs, I would be fine, but as soon as I showed vulnerability, he would seek to hurt me. Well, I did get strong and stay strong and then I left! I want other women to know that they can leave even after over 30 years.

My daughter called me a narcissist and have convinced others that I am a narcissist. I had been on therapy at this point 9-10 years and making good progress. Because she said I just found a therapist that would tell me what I want to hear, I got referrals to a psychologist that his specialty is diagnosing behavioral issues and narcissism, so I went and had a complete psychiatric evaluation done. I got the report of his findings and gave it to my daughter and therapist, it showed I was not a narcissist, that I had extreme trauma and low ADHD. My daughter didn’t back down from her claim I was a narcissist and smear campaign.

I’m glad I am reading: “It’s not you.” Very thankful for the book which is not just a repeat of stuff I’ve heard on the many podcasts I’ve listened to.

I like how she reframed people pleasing as a necessary survival strategy for those of us who had mothers who were narcissists. It became clearer to me that my mother’s adoptee status who never had a relationship with her biological parents evolved into a narcissistic personality.

Wow. This brilliant lady doctor gets me. Totally resonate with her childhood psychology assessment and several other concepts, such as grief over opportunity costs, etc. I will be reading her book!

My name is Elissa Ryan I forgot to mention that I'm bipolar. When I was seeing a therapist years. Ago I decided to speak to a psychiatrist on behalf of my husband,Because my i8nsurance overdue me at the time. He told me there was not much he could do for me, just to stay with him. I mentioned I had high blood pressure and he took it ,it was 200 over some thing.he abruptly told me to get out of his office e and go home. So much for that and it was documented. Thanks again Elissa Ryan

Dr. Ramani is amazing and has saved my life❤

Loved this interview, especially the last 10 minutes; Dr. Ramani was perfect at correcting this guy's idiotic, misinformed takes

So appeased to know I have not been crazy for the last 25 +yrs of this relationship

This dude was shaming himself each time he opened up his mouth, making unintelligent remarks and gibberish jargons. Why would the producer allow such an inexperience and immature fool to conduct this interview with Dr Ramani? She deserves better!! Dr Ramani is such an amazing and highly intelligent person and it was so degrading to assign this fool to interview her. It feels like Dr Ramani is parenting a teenager who pretends to be the cool kid throughout the whole interview.

He is so rude to her.!! Very inappropriate for him to treat her that way. He doesn't say her name correctly.. wow

Oh my goddddd...the lengths this guy goes to make himself seem like he's a "GOOD GUY"....not only is it incredibly annoying, but it definitely guarantees he is NOT a nice guy. Not really.

Have you (the interviewer ) ever done any introspection??

I think the Psychology fields need to add a few more chapters into the existing psychological disorders such as Passive/Aggressive behaviors, CODEPENDENCY with NARCISSISTIC DISORDERS and their detrimental effects on the victims worst than anything else..I hope the APA would be able to get enough Federal Aids for research projects in these areas and last but not least I bet ya there are plenty of high profiles government's officials who might funded these programs are actually the Narcissistic themselves 😂😅..

I’m so glad you said we don’t have to be shut down because we call someone a narcissist and we’re not therapists. After seeing so many videos on narcissism, there is no doubt that the person I know definitely has these characteristics. She even said after going to therapy with her family that the blame was put on her, but she never acknowledged that she was the cause of the problems in her family.

This episode was so enlightening and also sadly confirming of what I already suspected but didn't want to be true.

I feel Dr Ramani's childhood. Being raised as one of Jehovah's Witnesses, I was tortured by teachers and students alike. So, children are meant to be seen and not heard (more like, you are not to be seen OR heard), and hiding from the world has created a disassociation with the world in general. No wonder my excessively abusive narcissistic parents created a situation for me to end up in multiple narcissistic relationship, and even in one marriage, with a diagnosed Sociopath. In the process, while targeting me with abuse, created a mob of psychopathic bullies of my younger siblings.

I finally finalized my divorce with my narcissistic husband. Unfortunately we do have 4 children together, the youngest being 1, so I am stuck with him for some time, but I no longer am stuck in a state where I know nobody being an at home mother and going without just to satisfy his need for drugs and alcohol. I have come a long way, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and I finally can not only see it, but look forward with excitement instead of fear to see whats on the other side. My story has only just begun, at the age of 37... ;

Super podcast

Lol that comment 2 narcs absolute recipe for disaster made me chuckle to myself, which felt good as I've still been ruminating as just about to get rid of narc mate lol,!!!!

Thank you Dr 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

I get some serious grandiose N vibes from this interviewer. The backhanded compliments. The sensitivity to pushback. Good god.

I don't like the questions the host was asking Dr. Ramani, smells like red-pill

After 25 years of living in "virtual reality" I am broken, sick, but free. It is worth every sec now. I am just happy drinking coffee in peace and enjoy view blue sky. I can stand question why ...? now as I was asked 10 times per day and every time when I gave meaningfully answer I was bashed or she was offended and I felt quilty, and I need to answer another why did you do/say that? I can not back on time but be aware I was brought up by narcistic father and I fall in "love" for narcistic woman. So be aware of reapeative patterns. Now I am scared to death that our kids might do the same and we never get out of that narsizm at all. She took my career, money, health and friends as everybody think that I am crazy bad guy to break such a wonderful marriage. I know man I mostly to blame for bad marriages but man suffers too and we feel ashamed to ask for help. So do not blame everything on men.

“Un-crazying” someone! Yep. That’s me….

first step, bud: pronouce your guest's name correctly. I can't even watch this because you are too lazy to get that right.

I’m going to speculate that some of the most dangerous narcissists, severe narcissists, the less likely it is that they receive a diagnosis because they will never go to a MH professional.

I opened up to my therapist through email and it looks like she didn't believe me and thought that I was only sending that email to convince her to help me get disability. It's not true cus I was afraid so that's why is ent it through email to avoid retaliation. I even told the clinician that I didn't feel safe were I lived but I didn't open up to her for those same reasons.

I wonder if vulnerable narcissists can be successful - even by the world's standards - but it never feels like enough, either because part of the success is a facade OR because whatever level of success they have, they feel that they were thwarted from reaching the level they deserve.

«Mostly female Audience” I am from Norway and you just don’t use language like that. For us it sounds as stupid and uninformed as “he was a male doctor”

❤

I have two Coverts living next door. Every time they go to do yard work it ends with a few mean words then follows silent for hours. Sitting back and wondering how will that relationship end! The female reminds me of my mother. UGH

3:05 Finally... I was sick of clinicians' and therapist's egomania that like they can easily figure out if they see a narcissist in a consultation. And not allowing you to spot one.

At 20:30 is she talking about the cult of Trump

I beg to differ that everyone is attracted to narcissists. I am completely turned off and repelled by them.

Tip: if you ran a "psychology" podcast - you won't get seriously if you use F word.

She said, "Doo-doo." 50:00😁

Read her book Word for Word, yet can’t pronounce her name?

Dr. Ramani cyber bullied a victim of abuse for over 6 years. It’s why she lost her other platforms. I’m sorry that upsets other people. I was NOT guilty of anything and she continued to create abusive devaluing content towards a victim of abuse and violence- conservative platform .

i love narcissists ❤

Like this is like vacuous pop psychology for women.

What wrong with this guy? He sounds so bleeeh and the questions he ask do nice guys finish last really? Shadap

This guy is not happy that men statistically are more of the abusive mentality than women. This is historic. Don't check her book facts, check history dude.

They can't say your name properly. Dr Ramani

Ramani is a legit warrior

I listen to the podcast on the Alexa Echo Pop and come here to leave a Thumbs Up. This one was especially good because it hits every key point of every single stage as it progresses to reach FINALLY the state of going no contact. I'm 64 and came out the other side of a narcissistic mother and a collection of narcissists I "collected" and played the victim although being in a co-dependent relationship there is NO victim, just a dance between two playing a sort of game. They use other terms other than "no contact" but it's the same... changing the narrative is what is needed because taking a victim mentality makes one inapproachable because the "victim-hood" becomes an addiction. No one likes "Victim Personalities". Setting boundaries that we enforce for our own well-being is key to shutting out these blind humans. No, you're not being "Selfish", it's called self-preservation. Narcissists can and will destroy you if you let them. Don't let them!

You’ve mispronounced both her first and last name. Two minutes of research will help

it depends whether or not you think the values of the world mean that you finish first. What is your definition of finishing first and what is your definition of finishing last? what actually matters? in this video you come across as somebody who is still very much bought into the values that the media and the world say are important. Have these values worked for the world? Have they made people happy? look deeper…

At 15 years of marriage, when I finally went for help, my psychologist asked why I was there; I said “My husband is driving me crazy” She told me I was married to an alcoholic after many questions, but Dr Ramini made me realize that primarily he was, and is, a narcissist. 10 years in Alanon, it still didn’t come together until she filled in the blanks. Thank you Dr R!

Great discussion (I love Dr. Ramani’s work!) 😘

This was kind of an awkward interview. I've seen Dr. Ramani in other interview/podcast forums and did well in those, but for some reason this one feels grating and uncomfortable. I can tell Dr. Ramani is kind of irritated.

Yuo are a life saver Dr Ramani 😍

Dr. Ramani's videos saved my brain from thinking I am totally worthless after experiencing narcissistic abuse from a younger guy. The silent treatment, the manipuation into getting what he wanted and the discard. It's all exactly like she talks about in videos and in her book. I hope she is not questioned to the levels that the host is trying to check her. She is right! That's all we know.

You just said that the victim gets to the point where they record a conversation/ argument with the narcissist. Well I have known two narcissists that recorded a victim after reactive abuse, they get the victim worked up and pushed all the right buttons and then press record them having a reaction. I came across a recording of me accidentally of a fight and I remember the fight and there were pieces of the fight missing, then at the end of the recording the narcissist says “ now you see what I have to deal with”. So the victim can be made to look like the narcissist.

Great content (as always) from Dr. Ramini. The host can make his point without profanity.

First, this Tablet belongs to my husband, but I use it all the time. If is my best friend. I have your book and I've been Listening to you for quite some time. I love you and Respect you immensely!!!!!! I have been married for almost 38 years, but in the last couple of months I'm seriously considering leaving. Ironically I felt it was getting better, and then you get that punch in your gut which is like GOTYA!!!!I also stop going to therapy after 30 years or so . I will only consider someone knowledgeable with narcissism., most haven't a clue. I just had a 75th birthday They made sure to ruin. Enough already. It wasn't all bad, just mostly. Will continue to watch you . May Godbless you. Sincerely Elissa Ryan 43:16

Such a wonderful human being

With people pleasing we need to take step back. What are the origins of this? Is this trauma informed behavior? Was this a way how person maintained attachments? If a person had narcissistic parent, being a people pleaser was the only way they were going to get any form of attunement from that parent. People pleasing now is literally may be safety behavior. What is function of people pleasing- only by doing I am going to be safe. Fixing becomes love 🟥 Dr. Ramani Durvasula - this is the only person who recognize people pleasing - all other authors ashame it as being too nice syndrome.

Yes . “ what they are doing is not okay “yes.

I had a friend who from what I have been able to figure out is narcissist which reminded me of gaslighting until three months ago. Another format friend . could've been narcissist. I had a five year or so time away from a friend whom I've known over 35 years. I decided to write her and our friendship was revived. When I told Ann I was friends with Sue Ann said drop her insisted voice tone. I said no and slammed the phone down. After that Ann's and my friendship wasn't the same. I haven't heard from Ann in twelve years maybe eleven years. She moved to another state and her husband divorced Ann .❤They have a daughter. .

DR Ramini makes me melt, you are good is the word 😢😢😢

39:20 💯

I think one of the expanations for people falling victim to narcissists or cult leaders is the deep desire in us to find an ideal person to follow. The narcissist presents an attractive ideal veneer.

learning how to properly say a guest's name demonstrates true care/ not learning is careless

My daughter called me a narcissist and have convinced others that I am a narcissist. I had been on therapy at this point 9-10 years and making good progress. Because she said I just found a therapist that would tell me what I want to hear, I got referrals to a psychologist that his specialty is diagnosing behavioral issues and narcissism, so I went and had a complete psychiatric evaluation done. I got the report of his findings and gave it to my daughter and therapist, it showed I was not a narcissist, that I had extreme trauma and low ADHD. My daughter didn’t back down from her claim I was a narcissist and smear campaign.

13:18 "She got a powder-keg vibe"

Those pupils dilate eyes will never lie😂😂😂. Dr. Ramani is a narcissist, Hoover oriented 😂😂😂. Abused need narcissist 😂😂😂

My experience has never been validated , and no one ever will , I am on my own , to live the best life I can

Your guest is Full of Good Ideas. But she needs "to relax" to let us follow her train of thought. Thank you both!

I cannot get over him saying "Well atent you miss assertive". Hahaha Dr Ramani is talking fast because she has a lot damage control to do with this dude. He is clearly clueless and seems to want to "one up her"