So. Much. This. The worst is people that fell entitled to your time, and then squander it. I didn't make 90k/year for you to water my time and money and treat me like shit for it.
1. No one can validate me 2. Stand up for my time 3. Being calm is ultimate winner when being attacked....why are you so angry and what makes you think you can raise your voice 4. Understand what my boundaries are 5. Take things one step at a time...standing up for myself takes time 6. Be transparent and authentic...show vulnerability 7. Don't be afraid of being selfish....learn to say no....take time to reply....does this feel good 8. Learn meaning of being assertive....ask for what I want in mannerful way 9. Choose the right time to chat
My favorite take away is how you walked us through saying “no”. *take time to think *how does it make you feel *knowing the length of time the requested action will take. I used to struggle with saying no but I don’t anymore. I do however need this checklist to seal my reasoning in my own head for saying no because I still feel sad when I have to say no. Now I can say no and feel great about it! 😊
Thanks for video! One thing I've learned about being assertive and standing up is always standing up for what you believe in. That's the difference between assertive and controlling..
Yep.. been in friendzone, over 30yrs, and sadly I did all the "friendzone signs" and then ask me specific questions, and I think I failed more then pass... but did not know it was a test, I did not get to study.... 😢
I think what’s good about her videos is most of us in the comment section are good men treated poorly by women who have little to no standards. We often forget that we have standards and Mrs. Ponti addresses this. Identification of self is far more important than identification of the other; This was hard for me to understand because I would sit and try and figure her out. I already have myself figured out so no point in wasting anymore time.
Another gem video. This one hit home. I learned from therapy that my upbringing led me to be more of a caregiver (than caretaker) to a fault as it’s a way to seek validation in my relationships. This video really distills the essence of having strong understanding of your boundaries. I’ve only recently realized that it’s a way to effectively combat my overly caregiving ways that tends to deprioritize my needs before others to a fault. Love this and sharing to ppl I know who will find this useful. Thanks, Apollonia for sharing your knowledge. 🙏
Dear Ms. Ponti, I came across your channel few weeks back and I wanted to take a moment to express the value about your channel and advice. I am 49 years old, a physician by training and have travelled around the world. Having said that, most, if not all men, assume that they know everything they need to know about women (that thinking begins in a man's thinking from his 20's all the way through to middle age). I just met a nice lady from an online dating site and after I came across your channel, I reluctantly started watching one or two of your videos. I was taken aback by some of the issues you addressed with respect to the mistakes and assumptions I've made in the past. Now, I watch your videos as they have assisted me from taking mis-steps in getting to know this lovely lady. Certain mis-steps are understandable and can serve as learning experiences unique to one's relationship/courtship process. However, some mis-steps can be deal breakers and it would be sad if a wonderful relationship could have been saved if that person just opened up to learning how women think and feel and leaving the world of entitled ignorance which I came from regarding the opposite sex. Thank you for empowering us through your experience and education. Take care.
Another amazing video, I can’t imagine what you are selling if you give all this rich content. People pleasing is not easy to get out of, however it’s true when you don’t look to please people yet treat them fairly they respect you. I’ve come to understand that if you have a good idea of what is just, putting that first always helps. Thank you
Appollonia, I see the channel has grown bigger. New logo and all. Alright. Still dishing excellent lessons and advice. I knew you would keep going hard at it. Great adivce by the way. Expect nothing less than great from you. Keep doing your best out there. And Paris? Wow. That's a good spot
Awesome video! My absolute favourite! Tips # 1,2, and 3 are indispensable....genius upload from the beautiful, ms Appolonia...my all time favourite relationship coach.
Thank you people need to know how to be assertive and love and honor themselves. Also communication is the key to any relationship. If you cannot communicate properly the relationship is lost!!!
This is a great, great video and the advise is spot on. There is a question that I need help with. Being calm is indeed a good thing - but why hold back your genuine feelings? There is nothing wrong with raising your voice. Raising your voice should be alright. Hitting, of course, is not. Anger is - or should be - healthy. This is not a " gotcha" question; I just can't find an answer within myself
Fantastic video,i especially liked #7 and #8.Good that you emphasized being self-ish(not losing yourself).And the importance of being assertive(not rude,arrogant or over-confident,such as being the man with the plan).Thanks again for all the information and guidance.
This is one of your most helpful videos, yet! I’ve had a lot of questions and concerns about how to appropriately stand up for myself when dealing with women. This video clarified things for me a lot and is worth watching again. Thank you !
Apollonia I really love your videos. I try to look at them everyday if I'm not to busy. I would really like you to help me with my situation. I love your energy. Continue to help us with dating and relationships.
#3 understanding your boundaries is most important. If you don’t know what is important to you that you need from a partner and what are your deal breakers then you are inviting problems and drama into your life.
This was a GREAT video!! I have seen many videos about how to stand up for myself, but this was by far the most crystal clear explanation I’ve heard. Thank you SO much!
Thank you Apollonia. I love tip 3 which was about calmness and taking control. By the way, I think you love being harmonious with your surroundings 😉😊. Allah bless you Apollonia.
Apollonia you’re amazing! Love your videos! Keep ‘em coming ❤️😘 Not only are you teaching men how to be more confident but also teaching the ladies how to be better women (by example) as well.
I think maintaining your own standards of behaviour are important too. Recently I was dating someone who had a condescending tone - not just to me but to people in general. It gradually wore me down and eventually put me off balance leading me to send a blunt whatsapp response. I should have stayed calm and dealt with it later in a fair but assertive manner, and calmly walked away from this person. Instead I'm now regretting not handling it better and thinking about what is left unsaid.
You know Apollonia, I have the fear of standing up for myself because many times I though if I confront a person, this one is going to hurt me physically or maybe to call for their friends to back up them.
Good stuff. Glad you explained that it is important for a person to assert their needs in a relationship without actually talking down to individuals that feel that being polite to others is okay too. Thanks again for your presentation.
Thanks again for your response. Furthermore if you wish to offer me any feedback about comments I make about your presentations please know that I appreciate all constructive feedback. Thanks again
Cheers I have a penchant for exploration, mainly metaphysical in nature, and want to explore new career opportunities. This video is great confirmation. Thank you
Respect should not be demanded, rather be given. You dont demand something which is intrinsically , already yours, inwithin you. Respect is just an external codependent dignity affirmation. Real Integrated dignity , would always prevail, regardless of other people's respect.
Apollonia: *gives important life-changing advice* My mind: Is that the Eiffel Tower in background? haha Loved the video! Thank you for creating this amazing content 🙌🏽
The way I stand up for myself, is... I tell myself, God doesn't work like this!! I'm so much better than this, and I deserve so much more!! Not only that, but... sometimes, I also tell myself that I will not stand for this!! Or, I simple say No!! I'm not doing that. Granted, I don't do this all the time, but I try my best, to voice my opinion every chance I get! Because... if you don't stand up for yourself, no one will!! ;-)
So, I recently (a month ago) stood up for my standards at work, after finding out that the manager ( married in his 30s) was having a inappropriate relationship with a staff member( girl in her twenties with a boyfriend) . After finding out that other people have seen/know , I filed a complaint with the general manager. After a investigation, I believe at most they were issued a vague warning not to do it on the property... My identity as the whistleblower was leaked out in less than 2 week time of making the complaint and the 2 in question still working 4 shifts per week together , and have taken seemingly to calling out the days when the other is scheduled off. Standing up for yourself is important, but I guess it's worth it to determine how much it will truly change about other people's misconduct/misbehaving...
Apollonia... great video! I struggle with a few of the things on this list and I'm going to implement these strategies in my daily operations. Thanks again!
@apollonia ponti i try standing up for myself but my grandparents shut me down when im in the right and I feel donw right now and i need this video thanks for this video 💗💗❤❤❤💗💗
Thanks for the insights. Too clarify, I am supposed to remain calm (sometimes I do show some passionate dislike in discussing some things, but overall I think I've tried to calm, especially to her), but she can get upset and rip me for mistakes I have made (happens)? I've shown transparency to my friend and been told I am "too honest for your own good." I take her at her word of no BS games, but as a woman she rationalizes lies--to protect feelings--and I've heard the universal lie: "it takes a long time.". So it is almost impossible to know what she is saying. In my experience (sports metaphor) if things are not done the way the female wants she takes her ball and goes home--therefore I don't want to push in this relationship.
I feel you on this. I’m going threw this crap right now. It seems to be all about what she wants when she wants and how she wants. It’s as if she can care less about my feelings and my time. We are in a relationship and have been for awhile. But sometimes we’re together forever, and then sometimes she doesn’t want to be bothered. I think I’ll take Apollonia’s advice and just walk away.
Love your tips Apollonia. Thank you for all the free and helpful advice you provide. I noticed that you ended with tip #9. Can you please tell us what #10 is ? LoL
I like most of your points but one, the example response of staying calm. It comes off agressive, judgmental and smug. A higher voice does not mean anger. The same tone sometimes means firm and passion we just must learn to listen. And the way to do that is with empathy. Better to ask " this tone of emotion i here place help me understand what it is?"
Use caution. Do not use texting to show your strength,,call her, or see her. What some women call aggression, we call it assertiveness. They (often) think we have a temper when we stand up for ourselves.
Hey Apollonia, your videos helped me very much , your the best . But am sorry i need your help , there is a girl am with ,she make mistakes i talk to her to make it right and she agrees with it . But after she repeat same mistakes ....I dont understand why!!.what does it means ....am from TANZANIA east africa ..
first of all, i give her space & she message me back at 5am this morning, now i know she's seeing someone, i respect that ok but i reponded back anyways & send her a text & a song, she loves music but she still try to make jealous by posting a photo of her guy on whatsapp why is she doing this , its like she's telling me to back off, but she is the one texting me i dont understand why, what she want from me.
