how to: STOP BEING A PEOPLE PLEASER!!! 

That’s growth! I know how you feel and you aren’t alone. I’m learning to say “no” and to speak up for myself and do what I want to do. You can do this and good luck! You’re not alone 💖

wow ! so true, i can relate.. so please let us be confident

♥️♥️♥️♥️

Praying for you Chipo! May God remove all fears of the faces of men out of your life and heal you from anything that has caused this to you. You sound like an incredibly thoughtful person and you deserve relationships that treat you as such!!

We're in this together. Put yourself first, day by day, and it'll get easier overtime. We've got this!

True

Have more haters than anything

I must be the realest mf bc i have 0 friends 🤣😂

@@flashylights 😄

@@freshmanjeans let em kno

I agree

I agree 💯

Exactly!

Exactly ❤

Ohhh I have had it fail before.. 🥺😞😭

I just had this moment yesterday!! I feel So Good 🌝

Yes, that was very nice of her

Good on you - congratulations!

Where can I contact her to ask her for some advice?

Great

@@rohrohbaybie I just commented on a random RU-vid video of her. But you can try Instagram Dms or maybe her email address if she has it in her bio

Girl it’s been the same experience for me! 😔

Same

Hi

When they disappear, it's the perfect time to prepare mentally, put the boundaries in place for when they want to come back.

Same my “friend” only texts me when she wants something from me or she’s inviting me out but any other time she doesn’t even respond and I notice that she’s active on social media

Yes!!! So much truth to that 😍 I’m so glad I came across your comment, it made my day so much better!! ♥️

I am my own person 💗

I agree, but then at the same time we should also be mindful .Bc let say someone who doesn’t know us always see our face frown. We can loose blessings and opportunities. If u know what I mean . & sometimes we have to train ourselves to also try to keep a positive attitude bc we can’t let our emotions effects our actions

@@0nly.bhadbby40 Oh please! Obviously you want to teach your descendants to be a people-pleaser, like a doormat. Let the children express themselves.

Darryan Newkirk Excellently said! Can I borrow your text?!

Same over here. I was also the one initiating stuff. Once i took some ‘me time’ and stop starting the convo my whatsapp conversations have been dry. I told myself to stop. I did. But still when people made the first move i saw myself being too invested. Like they drop 1 sentence, and here i am being al genuine, interested and enthusiastic writing 5 sentences, asking questions and making jokes. And all i get is a lousy ‘lol’. So i told myself that don’t want to please people in order to get a certain reaction to make myself feel better. But instead i should make myself feel better by actually hanging out and investing in people that genuinely like me (back). And i shouldn’t put my whole self out there. Well it’s been a few years... and i’m still on my own. But i’m living the life. I reached a stage where i’m emotionally strong and i can not care when some one only comes to me with their problem.

I can relate! But trust me its all worth it in the end! :)

Yep, I used to be the one blowing up the group chat and asking people if they want to do this and that. But I stopped because it's not worth it. Now I just do stuff by myself, but still I want to be with my friends sometime, but I'm trying to be comfortable by myself.

I need yalls opinion on something. There's this friend of mine, and I've considered her a close friend for a while, even got her a Christmas gift. So lately on my feminine/level up journey I've been thinking that I'm not really a close friend to her or anyone of my friends for that matter. Recently, she texted me on snap and asked my if I could help pitch in for an Airbnb for her bday and I agreed ofc. But I've been thinking I should back out because I feel like I'm being used. I understand that people are busy with work and school, but me and her don't talk and hang out much, and it seems like she only ever talked to me frequently these past two semesters because we live 5 minutes from eachother and go to the same community college. I already asked Ashera7 last night on her live, and a few people said I should back out. Idk, maybe I'm overreacting. Can I have y'all opinion?

QQ AA same!!!! My WhatsApp have been so dry !! And I definitely get you with being too interested.. it’s definitely a work in progress

Same boat!!

Same here. Honestly, what is it with mothers trying to make their little girls obedient? Some are too traditional and don't know how to raise their girls into strong independent women.

My mother make me a people PLEASER too I agree with you 1000% and every thing she say.

My mother made me a people pleaser I’m different now 😅 Mindset will transform your life!😮

Toxic parents are a real thing. Disciplining your kids vs controlling them are two very different things.

Dolly Ninja facts

Well said

Oouu I need a whole video on this!!

Periodttt!!!😤

🥲

Same thing that happened to me only that she said" your not following the bible and not being a good Christian" and perceived that as being a mean/horrible person no i was being myself what she didn't know was that person I was saying no to was trying to sexually assault me in school edit:I didn't say anything because I was ashamed and already that I couldn't stand up for myself. Moral of the story don't feel like you have to explain your choices in life to anyone else even your family.

Wow, I am sorry to hear that. We as reformed people pleasers have to protect our mental and physical health. These people are liked, vampires. When I got sick those same takers turned their a** to me.

The most self-loving thing you can do for yourself is to say "Hell no"

Yup

This happened to my mum. She was walked on her whole life by my father and when she finally said no he labelled her as being 'lazy' and rude🙄

I need this tattooed on me 😅

Exactly! People are too hard to please anyway!

Ppl have nothing for us to offer: only God has

💯

Ya definitely. Pleasing an imaginary friend is TOTALLY where its at

Facts! Bad mind frenimies will flee clearing they way for good peeps.

I’m 22 and I recently noticed this behavior, I’m gonna change that now that I’m more aware of what I’m actually doing

You will find 2-3 very good ones, you just won’t have 30 friends :)

best advice in here !

Well said!

Yessssssssss

Is time to change that by putting you first now💚

Change now

So true!!

Preach sis! Good for u! :)

👏🏾❤️

omg mee too😱😱 im proud of us!!!

PREACH !!!

misskankalin same fr!!! And somehow she twisted it that I was overreacting. Trust me your growth will be a hundred times better than any best friend. Proud of you:))

Same. My sister and a coworker were taking advantage of my kindness. When I say no, they acted like they didn't hear it. I started standing my ground and that's when these adult women started throwing tantrums or give me the silent treatment. I cut contact with both. It was difficult at first but the fog cleared from my mind. It's been much better since.

Hey guys. When someone stops talking to you or gets angry for saying no. Their reaction says way more about them than it says about you. You revealed their true colors. They were looking for doormats and pushovers.

Better to be alone then to be taken advantage of

:(

If I have to be alone to just to maintain my dignity, self-respect, character, and esteem then that is what I will do. I am not going out of my way for people anymore.

This is so true!!! It's a hard lesson to learn but an important one.

Yes

I felt this one🥺

Exactly

Me too

I’ve been there, and I still struggle with some aspects of this need for growth. May I suggest Julia Kristina on RU-vid? She’s a therapist who addresses People Pleasing, and advises on how to set and enforce boundaries, in addition to learning ways to say “No.” I hate fighting with people myself, and I’m soft spoken, and an Introverted HSP. But I’ve gained more confidence to be unapologetically me, and it does take time to get out of the People Pleasing mode.

Build more worth for yourself and come to the understanding that you can't help everyone , help who you can and keep it moving , don't let anyone hinder you from development of yourself, also avoiding confrontation is not bad , it's more so finding the balance sometimes you'll have to minimise rather than avoid confrontation.....I have been where you are so I understand.🙏

Yes you are good enough. You need to say these 3 words to yourself everyday "I am enough". Don't let people convince you otherwise. Focus on yourself and your needs. Read books and watch RU-vid videos on how to build your self-esteem, self-worth and self-confidence. Write down everything about your life that makes you feel inferior and sad. Then begin to work on them eg lose weight, do your hair, nails, improve your dressing, dump any toxic person that bullies you and make you feel inferior, etc. RU-vid has a lot of resources for addressing any problem you might have. If your feeling of inadequacy is due to past traumatic experiences, you can seek anonymous online counseling or make face-to-face appointment. Once you begin to feel that you are enough, you will get the courage to set and enforce your boundaries without fear. You will definitely lose bad people but the good ones will stay. Above all, real wholeness is only found in Jesus. Have you considered accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and personal Saviour? Jesus Christ loves you very much and deeply cares about you and you need Him

Right there with you!! 🙌

@@diplomatdiplomat2800 very good

You can say that again 🙏

This vidro is mindblowing and very understandable.

its crazy to see that ppl i see as non people-pleaser even watch videos like this, humbling and motivating tbh!! luv ur vids btw xx

Yes ma'am speak!

Same here sis! My mum is controlling and expects me to be people pleaser even in church even when they bullied me but stood up for myself and she wants to kick me out

Yes. There is a relation between being raised by narcissists and being a people pleaser

Same sis that’s whole “keep the peace in the family “ get on my nerves 🥴. People literally look for trouble

Me too!! I mean usually parents can have some toxic tendencies but they can be the most caring though. Mostly cuz their not educated enough so it's normal. But, it's good that we all know why we become people pleasers is bc we have to keep the peace. Especially when you have a really controlling narcissistic brother who blames and thinks they know everything about you cuz they've been with you for so long?? Girl, mhm, byee! And it sucks cuz when I try to stand up for myself, it ends up becoming a fight, and he can't stop talking, starts attacking me verbally, and I just have to burn all the weight with silence. And I just have to keep the peace for so long for my parents n it sucks cuz I'm the youngest and he's the middle child, I have to learn and carry the burden of my siblings toxic traits. I really love myself and ik I have so much potential. I should just worry about myself first and then others. It doesn't mean to like oh put yourself first in EVERYTHING. It means that you're a priority no matter what and you have control of your life to best of OTHERS ❤️ by being real to you

my heart broke reading your story girl. i hope you stronger and have your own voice now

Not try to get him to like you chile 😭 lord, some people don't deserve children. Love and healing to you sis 😩❤❤

@Bridget Martha did you learn by this situation because you realized that was naive and you don't trust people anymore in this way? or you had to work on your self-esteem and confidence until you built such boundaries?

@Bridget Martha okay it can say that you believed in utopia that everyone is good but this situation changed your point of view. it quite good if you can adjust your beliefs to the reality General I agree with you but something in me still wants to believe that unconditional love exist the fantasy causes me a lot of trouble. Despite I am disappointed people I cannot resolve this fantasy. I am an addict and this is part of my disease but I'm curious how your life look? are you going normal life? have happy family and yuo are satisfied in your life? are you christian?

I also realized this too after watching the video. Time to pull my sleeves up and get to work

Absolutely!!! I am working to reverse all of it! The crazy part is, I can say “no” and be very opinionated, but, I’m not consistent with it. I need to learn to be this way every time it call for ✨

@@AboveRubiesTV I'm so happy to hear that love. You deserve to be your own person without having to think about others feelings all the time. Those that truly love you would want you to be your own person more than having to suffocate your own thoughts and joy.

By accepting yourself the way you are, instead of putting yourself down and insisting that you measure up to some imaginary and impossible ideal of how you think you should be, you'll often feel much better about yourself and others. You'll get into the flow of life and grow instead of staying stuck the way you are. Self acceptance becomes the doorway to intimacy and growth.

@@nicksmith-cx1fx So true. I couldn't agree more.

Literally my story!

Same here I was thinking the same thing. Been following for years and surprised but it's probably cos she's more private, people are too nosey.

I agree. People want ‘tea’ and all that toxic stuff

❤

agree but we dont want that energy over here sis lol like attract like

May be She has Quality people over quantity ♥️

Yes!! Could not have said it any better!

Wow! That described me and how I feel. WOW!!! I took a screenshot. WOW

I just remembered memories from my childhood, how much my grandmother favored my older sister more and the lengths I would go to try get her to like me. I'm mad that now this habit has become a natural habit for me, feeling uncomfortable in myself for the sake of others, even strangers!

@@fatmahalsalem8226 I'm sorry that you went through that but I believe every hardship is a lesson that we should make sure doesn't get repeated. Especially if we become parents, teachers or in any leadership role. Make peace with the past and reclaim your future by first validating and loving yourself and living in your full and complete self. Even if it means taking time out to go through your self healing journey. All the best.

@@lounic0216 Thanks alot dear♡ it is a slow but steady journey, and I am ever so lucky to have had the chance to hear these words Breeny said as it proved alot about myself I never would have noticed before. Since its been a year since you posted and you've been so kind as to answer, might I ask how you're feeling now since the time has passed? Hopefully all is well and much self development has occurred. 🙏

You're better off not having her as your friend...

@@Varaidzo1 yes I know, I'm slowly trying to let go and make new friendships with other people. It's just very hard because this whole situation made me feel like I was horrible person and friend for saying no

Coco W. You were not being a bad friend by saying no. I’ve been in that situation sooo many times. It sounds like she was just using you for when it was convenient for her, and that, is NOT A real friend.

@@TheChristinameeee Thank you for your advice❤, this was truly an eye opening for me because I'm so used to allowing people use me like this but would be so frustrated when I couldn't count on them when is needed. I'm really re-evaluating my circle and myself to not allow being used and a people pleaser again

Coco W. Yess👏🏾👏🏾 you got this girl!

why?

It is. It really IS. I am not teaching my daughters to stay safe all of the time. Be smart but yeah sometimes you can’t play it safe.

It’s how we protected ourselves w childhood trauma. Becoming invisible and agreeable

Time to work on you and your happiness 💕

Yes I would love a video on this as well. Sometimes in an effort to shield ourselves when faced with a situation where people are antagonistic or bullies, we can tend to isolate ourselves in an effort to protect ourselves. While done with a natural instinct to protect ourselves, isolation can end up being a bad strategy. Essentially advice about how to shield ourselves against mean people without isolating ourselves.

Shawna Shawna yes, please?

I can relate with all of you guys

How’s the book?

@@tessa4181 Only a few chapters in but definitely already learning so much, & I really appreciate that it is Christ-centered and lays emphasis on boundaries as a Believer.

Elizabeth Adeyemi it’s Christ centered too?! Adding it to my reading list! Thanks🙏🏾

I’m reading that book right now too! I really feel that it’s life changing. Although the Bible quotes are a little bit excessive. Even though I am Christian. But I listen to some of it everyday on audible. And I’m starting to be able to tell people No for the first time in my life and not feel guilty for it.

God just brought this back to my mind today in prayer to buy this book and read it ASAP! Watched Breeny’s video and now reading your comment is further confirmation!! Thank you for sharing beautiful! 🥰💖

Wow! This comment is a whole mood

Factssss

Nice 💕

Ahaha! As soon as I saw the video pop up on my feed, I said, "She's about to come for my neck!"

she cannot stand the fact that you pass her level, madness is the fist reaction from people actually noticing that they are doing verry bad

I had a “friend” like that... and she would constantly say how she didn’t like me and hated me... and I was like if that’s the case, then why are you always blowing up my phone all day long?? She was weird and would be one of the first ones to watch my story on snap and try to start some bs between me and her and her other friends.

@@teyairrahendrix yeah I can relate to that, my friend also used to say am not good friend of her and wants my attention all the time .. like a slavery or something... its a bad feeling to have such people around

Maro hs which is why I stopped extending myself to others. The little heffa would say smash stuff like, “that’s why you don’t got no friends”. I’m grown, so having friends is the last thing on my mind. And it seems like she concerned about having friends than I do. Even my old friends would say how I started to drift away from them, and I was ALWAYS a good friend to them than they were to me. I’m asocial anyway and don’t like to be under a lot of people.

That's pretty much what happens💕

Same 😢

How is it going for you now? I remember being like that. I would always ask people for their opinion about everything I did/wanted to do. I didn't want to seem like I was doing something wrong. The answers were within me the whole time.

💕

that feeling when you´ve been smiling and been so so nice towards somebody, and they don´t even put 1% of their effort in it to give you that `happy connection´ .. :( makes you feel finished sometimes

Anna Amy Yes!! It makes me want to be on guard most times. But, I’ve realized, the real ones appreciate!

I’m curious, when is your birthday?

Rachelle C My birthday is July 9th

@@AboveRubiesTV I knew that's why I could relate to her videos mines July 16th Hey Cancer♋

NO. Not Today

@@rashimasimmons7583 hahaha I see you Army