I was a people pleaser until I got cancer. Than I realized people don't really care. Until then I thought I had the best friends and family in the world and I was doing everything (even at my own expense) to please them because I thought that's what I should do. Now I learned (the hard way) that I am keeping myself alive and I am my own best friend. I respect myself a lot more. 2023: UPDATE I just wanted to give an update after 2 years now, thank you for all your comments, I've read them all through this time as they kept coming, every single one was much appreciated. Today, I am doing good! I've finished all of my cancer treatments, I moved from the city to the countryside and I got married! What I wanted to say to every single good soul reading this is - never lose hope. Sometimes my life felt like a huge disaster, there were some seriously hard times, but I just kept on living day by day until it got better. If I could give one advice from all of this painful experience, it's that in order to live your life peacefully and to be healthy, you NEED to cut some friends and even family members from your life. I'm sure you know who that is in your life. I fought against having to make that decision, because I was a huge people pleaser, but cutting those people out truly saved me. That is the ONLY way. They will never stop draining you, until YOU stop them by walking away. Now I have couple of friends and family members that appreciate me and vice versa, and that is more than enough. I could finally concentrate on myself and starting my own family. That's when my life started getting better. I hope this update brings you hope and I pray for every one of you!
It’s painful to hear that you had to learn it that way...but No way is better than your way...life knew why it did it this way....you lost nothing...you gained a lot of time you didn’t have to spend self sacrificing and inauthentic . All the best to you,take care of yourself
Exactly same happened to me few years ago and I am in therapy since to learn to love, care and put myself first, set boundaries and say No without feeling guilty.
Yes. I couldn't have said it better. I lost nearly everybody when I attempted to and nearly succeeded in committing suicide, it was a hard slap in the face that I needed to reevaluate who I spent my time with.
Jenny B In the end they didn’t disappear...Because they were never truly there anyway. People that are superficial are superficial with everyone,also themselves.i wouldn’t want to be them 😂
I had a supervisor give me a hard time in front of my techs at work. Basically said I wasn't a team player because I wouldn't work every extra shift they sent my way. I had two small kids, I had other priorities. I asked the other pharmacist to take over and asked him to the back storage room. I told him calmly that I am a team player every time I show up for *my* shift and do my job above and beyond what is required of me during that shift. I am not responsible for everyone else's shifts. I help out my partners in the store if they need coverage but I am not going to be guilted into saying yes to more hours than I agreed to and the next time he has to say something to me, I would appreciate the courtesy of the privacy I just gave him. He apologized and I was *so proud* of myself!
I'm so proud of you too and I don't even know you. I wish I would have taken the courage to tell a supervisor that was belittling me and narcissistic the very same thing.
@@vfree4579 don't sweat it😓 We live and learn, as my mother has said since I was a teenager. I didn't understand then. What you take away from the experience, is what matters. Be aware. So you live and learn.
Yessss especially emotional intelligence ! I think being emotionally and self aware is often overlooked as well. Intellect is honestly basically next to nothing if you aren’t just as aware of your thoughts & emotions
Been teaching my daughter that since she was a toddler. My POS mother raised me to be a man's whipping post. I be damned if my daughter will have that fate.
She’s good to a point An older woman wouldn’t be so interested in what is on her hubby’s phone!!! I really, really do not care!!! Every partner will meet new people and if they get great chemistry they’re gonna move on!! Great
Or.. everyone grows. You don't forget about these people but they served a purpose in your life at whatever stage of growth you were on. Its a part of growing for sure.
I am 40 and I have 3 close friends and one of them includes my cousin who lives on the other side of the USA. I believe it also happens due to marriage,kids,and demanding careers. It's not that the person doesn't like you it's just that priorities change.
People don't want you to defend yourself. It took me years to get a back bone and defend myself. I stopped caring about how others feel more and care more about myself. If you put yourself last, you will always be last. I got tired of being last.
And thats why humanhood is slowly finding it's doom. Cause slowly but surely everyone will care more about themselves then about others. I will give you a truly good advice. Instead of only looking for yourself, learn from your mistakes and try to help other people not making the same. And defend them if they can't fight for themselves. It's hard. But only this way you can break the cycle. Just giving up and becoming like the people who did this to you isn't an option.
@@jasminschmalzl9734 you don't know me you don't know anything about my life, please stop judging not being last of caring ONLY about myself is not what I'm about. It's about strengthening your self and demand the same respect that others want from you
It took 30 years and a global pandemic but I finally realized I didn't need friends or family...as much as self respect and boundaries. People treat you as nothing but a doormat if you are too tender hearted.
They can't accuse you if you say it gently NO!. They may say you are mean, No! Repeat No! They will probably ask for money No!. Or live in your House for free No,! If you don't want to, just say NO!.
I have noticed Police NEVER swear! They Are respected because They are wearing police uniform,and Have the authority and power to arrest or Fine you! It is understood. They will ask you Questions, like is this your car sir?. Think swearing is an invite, that you don't really mean NO! But when you really mean Yes!. Or thay you really mean yes, so not swearing you have more authority.I believe in God anyway!.so taking His Name in Vane, is also swearing.He Made Me And The Universe so I respect.
When I spoke up for myself respectfully I was called the "Angry Black Woman .... thank you for this video. I will continue standing up for me. 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 Thank you
A wise person once told me that.. “I can only please one person a day.. and today ain’t your day.. tomorrow ain’t looking too good either.” That simple🤷🏾♀️
From a recovering people pleaser to other women: Work on accepting your flaws and realizing you deserve the best. People pleasing comes from a place of feeling less than.
My daughter always defended herself from bully friends and teachers.She was punished for her behaviour but she stood her ground.I offer told her be nice for your own good.I am glad that she didn’t took my advice.I realised that she knows her boundaries and she will not let anyone to cross it.I wish I was like her it would saved me from many headaches in my life.
"You get what you tolerate." Very beautifully said. It reminds me of a quote from an old Swedish personal trainer, "You don't get what you deserve; you get what you negotiate for."
That's one of my favorite phrases. "People rarely get what they deserve, they get what they negotiate for." This is why attorneys are a necessary evil in the world.
The quote has been attributed to Chester L. Karrass. He has written books, gave seminars, even founded a company teaching effective negotiation techniques.
That gaze is what I remember from taking martial arts. My instructor, now passed, taught hand to hand combat to the Vietnam war soldiers. He was a great master.✌️
Sit-up straight & center, make direct eye contact. It sends silent "signals" of: confidence & security. Think of someone slouched, hunched over, always looking down & away. This signals: fear & Insecurity. The perfect target for a person with nefarious intentions bc it signal to them: "Pick me! I'll be your victim!" Visually project confidence & strength - even when not feeling it (actually, even more so then.) It acts as a deterrent & form of protection; reducing risk of becoming a victim.✌️
"When someone gossips about others, I immediately distance myself from that person" - Exactly. The gossiper is the person we need to distance ourselves from. Sadly, the vast majority of the society would distance from the person being gossiped about. It's why Narcissists and character assassins thrive.
Haven’t yet listened, but that is what I do...don’t ever listen to gossipers who are typically malicious people. If they are talking about someone else, they will talk about you too.
Basically: 1. Ego. Master yourself and watch your ego. 2. Watch other's ego. 3. Decide if it's worth your time. 4. Remember hurt people hurt people. Get to the root of their issues. 5. Confront things head on. Confront even the little things to get in the habit and train your brain. 6. Confrontations are usually better one on one in private, if possible. 7. Tone. Make sure you talk confident, with conviction, and with a strong voice. 8. Don't suppress emotions. Figure out how to deal with them in healthy ways head on and move on. The biggest thing is, BOUNDARIES. Set boundaries and don't let people push those boundaries because they will keep testing you. 🙌
I am crying watching this……for 45 yrs my husband has belittled & degraded me…. I just am happy to find you both. You have saved my life…I was so close to just leaving this earth. THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH 🙏💪🏻🥰
“You feel dirty” when you’re around certain people. Yes. When she said that I thought: toxic/dysfunctional/bad or dark energy, etc., and ultimately I feel “dirty”and want to exit immediately.
No, they aren't. Love that comment. A friend told me I was arrogant for this attitude. It is not arrogance. She is just far needier than I am. I like myself and would perfer to be alone that with people who aren't very bright and can't contribute something worthwhile to my life. I could listen to Evy talk forever as Lisa said. Have to buy her book!
My nice girl personality really isn't getting me anywhere, lol...I will always be the nice girl for animals but I think I am ready to enter my bad b*tch era...this world isn't meant for a soft heart. The monsters of this world will eat any one with a soft heart.
Just imagine how you have allowed yourselves to be influenced negatively!! You can still be a good girl but with a tough exterior. Don't let them see through you except the Ones that truly deserve it
Honestly speaking, I am also a nice girl. And what have come to me? Bad guys only! So I am going to become a MONSTER in order to survive in this world, too
People concentrate on money from both sides - one wants to get it the other wants to spend it wise but money can be earned - two other things cannot - time and energy.
Sometimes is not easy when you are emotionally involved.. The brain tells you to run away.. The heart says give him an other chance (in my case) I M not strong enough. Help
@@elizabethwoods2853 I had gained a little weight and hadn’t seen my sister in five years, we planned to meet up in NY. The first thing she said to me was “you’re fat”! I was always skinny and she was a little plumper but I never disrespected her...how do you distance from a relative? ✌🏾stay strong....
Amazing video. I am an empath, I am a people pleaser, I am and have been a doormat. Standing up for yourself is a skill. Everyday is a test for me, thanks ladies for this useful infromation and Im purchasing your book!
The way Evy is completely still and focused as she listens to Lisa speak is absolutely unnerving (in a good way!). She doesn't nod or say 'ahuh', 'yes', 'yeah' as Lisa is speaking...the usual stuff like that, but she's just locked in with her focus and eye contact, and almost no facial expression. Imagine what she's like as an interrogator, or when she's really pissed off!... Hmm, a good lesson to learn.
I have gone through this my whole life and I've learned the hard way. This woman is absolutely right. With family I let it slide cause I know what to expect, but from people who assume authority over you,I don't accept that. I'm a light skinned soft spoken black woman and some people think I'm cute so here comes the hatred. You can't fight jealousy. It's always at work I've tried to go out of my way to be nice and it doesn't work. If I acted like them I'd get fired. It's like being in high school.
@jtw99235IF it's not your reality it doesn't mean it isn't true for this woman... especially depending on the community & racial background. There are historical issues , documentaries & ptsd that has everything to support this account of colorism. Sounds like you're more elevated to care about that perhaps we would hope.. but this is a very real reality...& it continues into features, hair texture, culture, language & social status.. spoken from a women told in my face I don't like light skinned girls.. without me ever even saying a word .. just upin entering a room... several times.. in life@# This is NYC.. *& YES it IS a thing..
@jtw99235I knew someone would be triggered by her mentioning her light skin bringing jealousy. Not only dark skin women get to speak about their experiences. I can relate to what she said, and being light skin does single you out in both negative, and positive ways in the black community
"If I'm going to waste my energy on you, it better be worth it" so true, a lot of people just rob you of energy, learn to avoid such ppl who give no worth back.. Amazing interview.
Bruce Li I had to learn that. I realized a friend that I had was an emotional vampire. It took me a while to understand what she was doing. I eventually figured it out and just took that person out of my life. I recognize people like that much sooner now and just keep away from them.
“What you permit, you promote.” Being the “nice girl” may please other people but in a cut throat world, it won’t sustain you and will stress you in the long run. You can forget the nice girl image and still be respectful (and respected)and professional in the workplace.
@@casper1343 It’s great if you start with affirmations for yourself. Just Know that you are enough and you are strong. Also, make sure to inhale and exhale. As you do that, know to inhale confidence and exhale doubt. I’m still practicing to stand up for myself… especially at work.Try this love ❤️ :) .
Many people interpret kindness as weakness. I refuse to accommodate that, and certain personalities try to take advantage of me based on a faulty perception. When that happens I cut them off completely. I feel that saves me heartache in the long run. If someone tries to take advantage of "nice" then you can't trust them regardless of how you present yourself.
Ultimately I know people who use niceness to manipulate and they get people on side because they can say something nasty in such a socially acceptable way that the sheeple only recognise the lovely delivery and not the nasty message. I see through too "nice" people and their manipulations. I'm not fooled by that. Anyone who has to reaffirm how apparently nice they are are insecure.
Absolutely. Even if I can seem confident...if I see one of my gentle, sweetheart friends being disrespected, I am not ever going to consider the person giving them a hard time. Because that gentleness is a beautiful trait. I grew up as a people pleaser and now I do my best to look out for others who are not yet reformed people pleasers because they are often some of the kindest people but tend to get kicked in the teeth. I actually think it's a gift when someone shows their worst side to you. If any of their "worst side" stuff has to do with gossip, mean spiritedness, mockery of those who are different...that's it...my guard comes up. Even if they are superficially nice to me...you still can't trust them.
I read something the other day that said a lot of women do this because we’re told at a young age to not show our anger. We’re made to feel guilt and shame over it, or that we’ll be seen as being a bitch. I do it as well. The other day I was in a stressful situation that I was getting mad and upset. But I had to talk myself through what was happening and convinced myself that it was a learning moment and to pay attention to everything, each interaction etc.. I held the tears in and I felt so strong afterwards. Practice this and I believe we can control it.
I think for most people who do this (myself included) it is not a case of crying because you are angry. Sometimes it is hormonal (not period related). Sometimes it is because the anger is mixed with a healthy dose of frustration. Sometimes it has just been bottled up too long and resulted in a general outpouring of emotion along with the anger. Studies have shown that your body releases certain chemicals when you cry and that is why you fell so wrung out and in need of a nap after a hard cry - it is a literal purging. So don't be ashamed of crying when angry. It is fairly common and is (in most cases) perfectly natural and understandable. Nothing good comes of being ashamed of how you feel. You are allowed. I will say if it is because frustration or letting it build up, then you might want to look at your communication and coping mechanisms. Dealing with an issue before it becomes an issue (if possible) is always preferable and leads to a lot less stress.
I have to pause and take a deep breath to re-center, maybe even count to five or something. I'm six months pregnant and the crying urge has been wild, so I've perfected this skill now LOL.
Exactly! I have literally had someone say I'm cool with a known "killer", but he wouldn't harm me cause we cool! That's like saying a poisonous animal won't kill you if you are it's owner. One DOES not negate the other. You are what you, are no matter who you are dealing with. And people should be discerning of who they connect with.
@@Mischa808 yep,this was so good. Don't be naive to how different ppl treat you comparison to others. Like she said let them audition.Dont Just accept persons in the circle then remove them let them prove themselves. That's so safe.
Evy is so right. I felt really dirty working in an environment with totally toxic, dysfunction and dodgy boss who everyone lacked respect for others as he wished. Walking away was the best solution. Trying to stand up for yourself against persons with NPD......., sometimes just walk away. But I totally agree. Avoiding conflict to keep peace really starts war inside yourself. But God is Good.
I was blown away when she talked about pulling back and basically ghosting people that don't serve you anymore. I had to do it once, and I felt guilty AF for doing it, thinking I had done something toxic, but truth is... When you're done, when you really feel it in your bones, you're done. When there's no room for improvement - when years have passed, and no compassion is shown, only abuse, no matter how many times you tried to speak up - you're ALLOWED to be done. To walk away, and you don't have to feel like a victim. Of course the other person will do anything in their power to make you feel guilty for their mistakes, but at the end of the day, your life is yours, and you better than anyone know what's best for you. Do anything you can not to feel "dirty", as they said, and if you do, and you feel you're done, and there's no changing it, walk. away. Not as a victim, but as a person ready to move on. I think every woman needs to hear this.
The City Of Angels It takes more strength, and truly shows ones power, to walk away than to keep fighting... whether it is with someone or for what one believes in, for the respect, for oneself.... Put yourself first. If you don’t think you’re worth fighting for and won’t fight for yourself, no one else will.
Sydney Dively, I've been disabled for about ten years and recently started interacting with many more people on Zoom. I'm a nice but smart person too and everything went south a few weeks ago when someone completely ignored me in front of others on Zoom. I didn't react[very proud of this] but left shortly thereafter. I'm at the point where I feel you get what you tolerate. I'm ghosting them. I just don't have the emotional energy for nonsense. I'm an amazing person and will associate with only those who appreciate it. It's them, not me. Goodbye. Boundaries are vital for survival, YOU have to set the boundaries or your enemies will eat you alive. [Do not throw your pearls before swine or they will turn around and rip you open, (Bible)] You can't be bbfs with everyone.
Literally just expressed this sentiment to my team. Infractions that go unaddressed breed resentment. Lately I have begun address things in the moment as often as I can. It's interesting how shocked people who are violators become when they are addressed. It's like don't expect to be confronted and they are confused that I do it calmly without agression.
I have been exploring and opening up this side to myself lately and its yielded some interesting results. I feel so much better about myself, like i stood up for myself! Its an interesting experiment and i love what i see. Im too soft, so i almost have to be the other spectrum and i am respected and treated so much better now. ❤
I love her. This is the type of woman Im working to be. I realized through this interview that I ALLOW people to treat me the way they do. I have always played the big eyed, ditzy, sweet girl, because I want to be liked. I'm very intelligent, very passionate, and very strong underneath this veneer, and people only see it when I blow my top. By then, the bridge is burned instead of asserting myself and keeping them from disrespecting me in the first place.
The sad thing is that *you shouldn’t have to seem more masculine to be respected.* If anything, being friendly and amiable should be perceived as a strength, and not a weakness to exploit. It takes ‘feminine’ qualities to be a good leader. Why devalue strengths because of seeing the ‘feminine’ as lesser?
I feel like I have the exact same experience. I have no problem standing up for myself but I always leave it too late because I want to "get along" with everyone, so by the time people realize there's a problem I am super pissed. Im actively practicing saying No and putting boundaries out early.
@@happypuddle1993 : Sadly, changing the patriarchal culture will take a lot of work. Men (and many women who fall for it) have glamorized the "masculine" for so many millennia that it's a cultural ideal.
@Merci Beaucoup : When will men understand that there is a masculine and feminine component in every man? Men don't want to be seen as a "sissy" - which is a nickname for "sister": ie, "girl." Men don't want to be put in a female (lesser) role.
The openly hostile, bully types are easiest to read and manage. The saboteurs who make you believe they are in your court while they plot your demise, those are the toughest to identify and defuse.
Stevie Crow .......yes and the "poor me types," the covert narcissists. They were my weakest point because it took me a very long time to see them for what they are understand their MO.
@@rosemaryreid8196 fell for that too. They need you and that feels great until inexplicably at some point they don’t. By that time you’ve invested too much. They are parasites walking!
Yes they're very manipulative, super sneaky liars and use anything you've told them against you, they try to turn all your friends and family members against you if they can, usually playing the victim card and trying to cast you as the abusive one if you stand up to them or question anything they've said or done to hurt you. Think it's the way we were brought up that leaves us open to this type of abuser. One of my parents is like that, took me decades to realise it though, I always felt sorry for them and blamed my other parent for all the problems in the marriage and our childhoods. I had to cut off all contact with them eventually for a long time, talk to them occasionally now but keep it very impersonal, I never tell them anything they could use against me. Think all my siblings have realised what they're really like now as well, thank goodness for that, because it must be so much worse to be the only one who does and be ostracised from your whole family because of their lies. Never had much of a problem with openly bullying types, just stand up to them and they usually crumble and leave you alone after that.
That latter one took me for a go-round. It was a coworker who I thought was a friend but tried everything behind my back for months - going so far to say I faked a back injury to obtain drugs because I am a drug addict - to get me fired. When I produced evidence she said I paid off the neurosurgeon...what? She even went so far as to ask two separate coworkers (one was my boss) what my hours were because, in her words, she was going to get me fired for timecard fraud - except I wasn't committing it. Yes, massive wake up call and now I am very cautious to trust.
I love that she transformed her childhood “fighting” spirit into a career and lifestyle... there are so many young fighting spirits that unfortunately, never figure that out 💪🏽
When a bully tries something for the first time, it's bad. When they see you're weak or they see your kindness as weakness and bully you even more, that's disgusting and needs addressing!!
Even as a guy, I find this really impactful. I've always let people walk over me. No more. It took ending with clinical depression and constant stress to get to this point, but I made it. Love this woman.
hey geniune question, if you were in conflict with someone at work, how do you handle it now? i stand up for myself almost always, but now there are people bullying me at work.. the person doing it is quite aggressive too. im gonna go to my headstaff person to solve this, idk im just looking for what other people would do in my situation i guess
@@Channiej93 Flattered you're interested in my opinion. I think you have to be careful with conflict at work and it can vary so much by industry. My environment would be more office-based (software). I would say always have some form of evidence before you go to head staff. Without it, it can make things awkward and if it gets back to the bully it could make things worse for you. You could approach it tactfully and ask the head staff hypothetical questions such as, "if there was an incident of bullying in the workplace, what kind of evidence would you need?" The way you could avoid naming people before you know exactly what they want.
@@Channiej93 Is the person over you. Is he your boss or co-worker. If he is a co-worker you can have it out with him verbally. Every time he says something respond. The worse thing you can do is stay silent, especially if there are other people around. You want to make sure that people know you will stand up for yourself. I was bullied at work too, by my boss. I didn't have trouble with co-workers because I would take them aside and have it out with them verbally or physically if they raised the stakes. But if it is your boss and the bullying has been happening you need to move on. You've already lost your job. I don't mean to sound like a smart ass but I have been in your shoes. I know what you are going through. Your mental health and your self confidence needs to stay intact. If you put up with that stuff long term it will affect you and take a long time to get over it. I wish you good luck my friend.
@@Channiej93 Nip it in the bud early. If the next up the chain does nothing, go further up. My mistake at work was being to easy going and never complaining to managers or HR. I was like in the video, "not worth my energy"; meanwhile, THEY were complaining often about others for petty stuff and you look like someone who doesn't care about how you are treated. It IS worth your energy to make your boundaries known with management.
@@McFraneth -I think what she's saying is that when you finally heed that inner voice...you feel the freedom. Yes-you do "let" them when you choose to keep certain people in your life. But at some point...we realize that our intuition is trying to communicate with us...to let that person go.
I looooove the fact that the interviewer is so professional and polite. There are some that interrupts so much that makes me uncomfortable to the point I give up watching. Thankfully, this girl has the talent. Congrats! 🇧🇷
I was always trying to mend fences when I was younger. Now, I walk away easily, quickly, silently or gradually depending on the situation. I couldn't care less.
Confidence and repetition (practice) affects how you carry yourself and how you convey authority. Repeating, apologizing, or over-explaining undermines your message. Keep it short, clear, and direct.
Exactly. For myself I also need contestant reinforcement, so watching excellent videos like this to upskill. Then putting it into immediate action. I wish I did this earlier, but now is always a good time to start.
I took a military response with my ex-FIL once. Don't speak unless spoken to. Yes or no answers, don't give up any information. Holy crap did it piss him off! He flew into a rage and stormed out of the restaurant in a huff. It was kind of funny at the time and more so now as I sat there thinking- Wow! How sad that my 2 year old son was behaving better than this 80+ y/o man.
That’s true but women get discriminatory treatment and negative labels. Like, a lot of times when you speak succinctly and decisively, people think you’re arrogant and snob.
@@seyfun1452 Yes, as I woman I understand - I've been on the receiving end of the treatment you're describing. I'm confident, and direct, additionally, I'm tall (also intimidating); it's not easy nor fun to wear that label. Eventually, when we're consistent, people realize you've got good intentions and you want to get the job done, well, and you want everyone to look good - your reputation eventually speaks for itself.
The unconditional trust is what strengthened and built my mental state. I now no longer trust anyone including my spouse. Prior to this video after the unconditional episode happened, It became a personal law for me that people had to audition to determine their existence in my life. My peace and boundaries are fiercely guarded. I have mastered a level of cutting ties and burning bridges with such ease. Actions speaks louder than words.
This is HUGE too for when you’re raising kids. DON’T tolerate lying from your kids, or disrespect because it’s ‘cute.’ It’s NOT cute when they are an adult, and I LOVE the advice to raise kids to be people you like to hang with. Best advice ever!
Yes all parents try to make their kids act in the way that suits them ,don’t get angry, don’t answer back don’t get upset, don’t be unkind etc not helpful to an adult.who has to get on with others, will get angry,and has to stand up for themselves particularly at work.
Yeah but at the same time if you had ridiculously strict parents like me, you grew up lying to them because they never let you have friends or a social life. I never got involved in gangs, drugs or sex and they still treated me as a criminal.
You all are making excuses either for your kids or for yourselves. People choose to lie. It doesn’t matter what kind of parents they had, etc. Their parents didn’t force lies to come out of their mouths. No. The kids (or you guys as kids) chose to lie. Period. If your parents tolerated & allowed you to lie, then that’s their fault. Kids choose to lie or not lie & parents choose to allow or disallow the lies. The reasons (or excuses) are irrelevant. Either they lie or they don’t. Period.
“You should audition to be in my life” “I teach people how to treat me” love it! “You’re not going to own my response to you, I’m going to own it” 💥💫🔥⭐️
I would really rather not use these words to describe her because it doesn't feel right, but I truly have no other words to describe her: Sexy dragoness. It's got nothing to do with her looks at all, but how she carries herself, cherishes herself, and owns everything she says and does. It's people like this I've always admired, look at them with stars in my eyes and everything.
I've had to find my voice, speak up, and advocate for myself. I'm single again, tired of dating game, and ready to work on myself, and good boundaries. I'm working on it, I'm at a new job, clearly stated what I need, and willing to work toward.
@@wildheartedforjesusministr3874 no they have no capacity for self reflection. They can never truly see themselves or their actions for what they are. It really is a sickness the majority of people are not this way thank god.
I just started my journey of respecting myself even if that would make whoever doesn’t love me i always used to fear not being loved or fitted in but when i started my first situation defending my own respect to myself I started to feel way better and my self-confidence started to raise more and am having the strength ❤️
@@LisaBilyeu I am grateful to Impact theory and Woman of impact shows because they changed my life. I don't have any words to thank both hosts. But have a dream to touch their feet and take a blessing from them. The great message I got is, don't hurt yourself by the circumstances, Just be aware of it. And another is don't react to the situation, Only response to it. Love both husband and wife. Muwaaaaaa. Keshav Paudel Home country: 🇳🇵 Now: Tennessee, Murfreesboro
Well said, I keep my circle tight and my walls high. It’s worked for me. I’m in a hostile work environment current and as I realize it’s effecting me, I’m working very hard to let it go. It’s consent, this difficult. I believe in nipping this in the bud immediately, these individuals don’t, kinda of a fake nice. Be aware of it, definitely helps. Toxic relationship in any situation, learn to disconnect, including family. OMG i have that issue with my partner, I do have a feeling myself and I have restrained. I’m not jealous, but it would give me some peace. Good point , is it a self esteem issue??
At 60, my pretty face and figure are gone. I’m a poster child of “before & after. The difference in how I’m treated is astounding. What I’ve learned about myself is that I fly like a butterfly and sting like a bee. We women have been trained to smile through every bit of bullshit that comes our way. I’ve always avoided conflict and most of the time that’s the correct thing to have done. Now, I love allowing a person to dig their grave while I wait for the right moment to pounce. When I do... the offender doesn’t have a clue. They hop in their grave and even pile the soil on top of themselves. At my age I’d love it if our society was a bit more kind to old people but that’s not the case. I inherited my mother’s truck driver mouth. While I wish I was still considered Malibu Barbie I’m so grateful for my ability to use my words. Best advice I can give younger women... Listen to your inner voice. We women have the earth’s greatest instincts we just often disregard it. No more disregarding.
Agree. Now that I'm older, looking back women were never treated with respect, no matter the age...but it definitely gets even worse with age. Wish I had your wit and IQ with using your words. I now mostly trust my instincts and stay away from most people. Our society loves to treat older women like disposable subhumans and dump all their toxic bullshit on us.
Actually we are smarter and more beautiful than ever in our wisdom and old age it’s awesome It’s just that the younger generations have not been taught to respect that and instead we are disposable and useless in their eyes
@@VictoriaWonders only because your content being the one afraid. Its not about fear its about respect you don't fear someone you respect you adore them and look up to them people get these confused as many think they respect people they fear but its just fear and respect of boundaries that person confined them in. True respect is love and positive. Talking like a truck driver is just a form of talking its not feared by truck drivers its normal....so I'm not even sure it insights fear from anyone but might be a tool she's used to be heard and to rely the emotion or passion behind her other words. Live without fear of how others view you...it's not on you that they fear you its on them for manifesting that fear without legitimate reason.
@@marilynjohnston1858 I’m over 60 & very very strong emotionally & totally independent of everyone, but we all have one person who drains us, causing anxiety or just makes us appreciate our alone time!
I got dismissed from my job yesterday due to being a threat as i am good at what i do......once i realized what was happening..well....i took control, spoke with direction and spoke some truth with dignity....collected my belongings and walked out with my head held high......breath then respond
My mom was told by her mom, trust no one but the police. She trust the wrong police. He gave her a mixed drink. She fainted and awoke pregnant. First baby. My brother. She kept my my brother cause he was her baby doll. Her siblings took her other dolls away from her except me or my brother. Holy McKee tried to take my brother away cause she entered him in Hollywood.
Yeah true.i have been in a trauna bond and platonic relationship with a man since 2 months,and I already know him since 1year.he is my senior,4 years older than me and the most trust worthy person ever.i am an empath and he slowly showed some signs of narcisstic traits,and he even sexually touched my hand which felt really uncomfortable.i thought he was a nice guy and I wanted to. Find one last hope of he could change .I kept a cryptic status and he called me ,saying if he did anything wrong.i said that you made me very uncomfortable the other day and the sexual touch is not acceptable.i just don't know why he felt creepy cuz he is older than me, idk ,then he apologised,and he wrote a big message stating that he is thankful for me to letting him know and he will become a better person.he is definitely a keeper and my twin flame but I just don't know what happens in future.any guys who saw this,please reply
There's a fine line between walking away from confrontation because 'I don't do drama and ignoring someone who is beligerant & doesn't deserve your attention, yet when someone attacks my values that's when I become 10 feet tall. Never undermine a lady who appears composed. We're the ones who will gracefully put someone in their place 💪💕 Stay strong
I believe Evy is correct when she says, 'You have to teach people how to treat you' when they cross your boundaries. Through personal experience, when you eloquently state your values to others they will oblige. Everyone is teachable. We have to learn to communicate to set the example. People can not read your mind nor know ones triggers, so set the standard with authority and positivity will follow.
I had the same realization about, "Why am I fighting with everyone to try and convince them of my truth." It was a life changing moment for me, because I answered with, "I want them to just finally let me be right about my own truth for once." And my next question was, "Ok.. THEN what..? If I finally get that moment from my family.. then what." Because it doesn't fix anything. It makes no difference. We have to he able to validate ourselves and stop seeking it from outside sources.
So true that realization voice aaya now what? Do you feel better? Answer hell no now what? I'm so hard on myself hours and hours I make myself sick becasue is it the mental health illness or that I sustained a TBI IN 08? THEN AFTER WHOLE DAY WAS LOST AS USUAL IT HIT ME: IM IMSANE MEED TO BE PUT IN A HOME CASUE MY LIFE IS UNMANAGEABLE BY MY OBSESSIVE THOUGHTS...WOW I WENT RO BED CAUSE WHY ASK WHY..SOLVED ANOTHER ANSWER TO THE SAME questions ..i lost5 months....HAHAHAHAHA.
This is an essential skill to life, unfortunately, it was a hard lesson learned after growing up feeling resentful for the times I did not establish boundaries and assert myself most of my life. I thank God for for the many times lines were crossed, now I’ve drawn the line of boundaries to protect my spirit !! We need more messages like this❤️🔥
I absolutely love the way Evy listens and concentrates. She is so calm and no big expressions, she is truly focused and taking everything in. Her responses are quick, relevant and full of wisdom. 💜
She seems like she is always on edge where she is subconsciously expecting something negative to happen and if it does she will be ready to rip their head off. It seems like She really does not trust many people
I behave that way. I’m not saying it’s a good thing. I think it can be quite harmful. I think it may be better to find people who stick out for you even during tough times. And honestly, I think it’s says more about me than other people. Cuz I think, if I’m not willing to do it for others, why they’d do it for me. Basically, it goes both ways. Trust, but not blindly.
Ms. Jarvis - Every human on earth is self serving, even yourself. Everyone makes mistakes, even yourself. Everyone sins, even yourself. You are probably a wonderful person, however, living like that, never trusting anyone, can be exhausting, and a person will never have a really satisfying relationship with anyone. You will be missing out on something special. You deserve something special. Don't trust someone until you get to know them and realize, because of how they act and how they follow their word, that they can be trusted. If you expect perfection from anyone, and require that they will never do anything that will cause you pain or discomfort or disappointment, it will never happen. Learning to give grace, and hoping that the other person will give you grace as well, is a Big Deal. This guest, Evy Pompodouros (Becoming Bulletproof), is basically saying value yourself, learn how to set boundaries, and understand when to not give someone grace and when to do so, in relationships. No one can give perfection because no one is Jesus. But if you take perfection out of any relationship as an option, then you will have a shot at a real human friendship. Also, pain and hurt are awful and no one likes or wants it. Everyone is hurt in their life. Everyone hurts others in their lives, knowingly or unknowingly. We are humans. We need to learn to recognize who works for us and who doesn't as a friend or significant other to have more successful relationships. Generally, everyone lives through pain and hurt, and lives to learn from it and to choose better next time. This is life. Don't allow the pain or fear of it to control your life.... embrace life. Maybe start by reading this book. The best to you, Ma'am.
This is so inspiring. I love how firm and unapologetic she is about cutting toxic people out of her life. Often times we get guilt-tripped for putting ourselves first, and this video was a great reminder to take care of ourselves.
I feel like putting people out of my life that are toxic is not really putting myself first just self care watching it taking care of my health It takes great strength to be humble to turn the other cheek when possible I'm working on it🍃
Yes! This video was the validation I needed for cutting off a lot of people in my life. While also recognizing my part, and where I need to work on knowing my inner self and restraint - choosing when and how to respond. Loved this! I aim to keep high vibration, and spotting what will knock it down.
I am constantly surprised by how adult children of abusers get all kinds of crap when they put limits on a relationship or cut the abusers out. And the crap can come from other family members or friends.
Loved this 🙌 totally resonate with this advice. I’m quietly confident & at 50 years of age I’m still learning. Life is a university, every day is a school day dealing with bullies & bulls**t simply because I’m a private person and they’ll just gossip about me for no reason other than they are not intelligent enough to understand me. I have cut people out of my life many times without warning or explanation because I just sit and watch their ridiculous behaviour or lack of intelligence or them repeating the same boring Jackanory story. I admit I’m not perfect and I’m not always right, yet very often not wrong about certain people’s intentions. X
" I’m quietly confident & at 50 years of age I’m still learning. Life is a university, every day is a school day dealing with bullies & bulls**t..." - I love this.
Yeah, if they change and treat others then even better, but if they stay the same then we dodged the bullet. Some people ask me how can you just quietly walk out without saying anything and you realise sometimes not saying anything is sufficient.
“Not everyone is a friend “. “The quality of the people is what counts “. 🔥 My husband once said this and I didn’t quite understand then, it made so much sense hearing it now .
"You should audition to be in my life" Absolutely friggin' love this. Stealing it as a pillar moving forward. I've had a recent experience with a new "friend" who turned out to be an information gatherer who then used what she gathered against me when I started to see through her mask. I didn't audition her carefully enough... so I'll try my best not to let that happen again.
I am under 20 and I am already slowly starting to stand up for myself with watching this video. Evy reminds me to not tolerate enemies to walk all over me. I was bullied for years in school.
Well you were bullied while you were in school for years doesn't mean anything is wrong with you it means that you are above the individuals who bullied you !!!!! Is just that the bullies are insecure , envious , and jalousy of you it could be your looks your intelligent , the way talk etc....bullies are narcissists and toxic ...you gotta chose wisely whom to associate with know your worth and value!!! Take care and be well I hope that will resinate with you !!!!
Especially with setting up boundaries with men (aka husband) dont let them get away with murder because they will if you let them. Im fierce and tough with my husband he knows my boundaries and where i stand always
Sometimes if they're REALLY rude ill say what did you say? They'll repeat themselves again. If they do I say I am deaf to negativity. 🤣 Always gets them to shut up.
I love this host, I really appreciate that she does not interrupt her guest at all when they try to speak, and is so patient when sometimes the guest is trying to string some thoughts together and she just waits until the complete thought is said. Bravo girlfriend
I LOVE HER. Ive been sooo deep into youtube university's self help therapy the last few years and its soooooo refreshing to see someone so smart, sophisticated and compassionate with a little bit of SASS. This hits harder bc i can relate and ive had to reign my attitude in too. a lot! still working on it and probably will always will be!
I feel mortified realizing how many years of my life and how much precious life-energy I have wasted on un-deserving, un-willing others, wanting and believing to be good and to be bad if I did not. And comparing myself to them, fearing if others wouldn't guide me when I needed it. But I am not like them, because I want to learn and grow and help others.Twisted lack of self-awareness.
I used to fight with everybody and I hear what she says: something I'm doing is causing all this disturbance. My "problem" was deep insecurity and the fear of not being heard and seen. I thought I needed to fight to be seen. Once I got rid of that need I feel calmer and my presence is more felt.
I was born to call out Narcissistic behaviour and I actually enjoy over powering them. Telling them to act accordingly also knocks them down and confuses them. Also to tell them you don’t tolerate any form of abuse from a grown adult who knows better. 🖖😏
