The best moments I've looked back on in my life are the times I've forced myself to do something when every cell in my body was screaming not to do it. That time my friend dragged me to that party, BOOM!! I met the love of my life at that party. That time I forced myself to take that walk, BOOYAH!! I found that long lost friend and he introduced me to a viable money making opp. That time I forced myself to go on that vacation in the midst of a personal financial crisis, I come back with a solution to the problem. It's wild. It's consistent. It's weird. Does it only happen to me??
maybe your reticular activating system picks up only on events such as these, but meanwhile you had 50/50 events with bad , as well as good outcome and you only remember the good outcomes (which is...... good); or maybe everything is written - Maktub and what happened happened that way and it couldn't have happened in another way. Providence etc. laid out plan
When I'm procrastinating I'm honest with myself about it, and the internal dialogue goes something like: "I can't do the thing because I'm too preoccupied making up reasons as to why I can't do the thing." It gives me laugh and then we get up and do the thing. Also, I talk to myself all the time because I quite often need expert advice.
I absolutely love "Also, I talk to myself all the time because I quite often need expert advice." I wondered why I talk to myself so much and you nailed it. Thanks! :)
@@Minkjaah doing great. I'm focusing on a total new mindset, where alcohol doesn't have any use or meaning. I think we have to change who we are, recreate a better version of ourselves. Most of the times alcohol is one of many bad/wrong behaviours.
Thank you, Mark! I have been struggling with depression here in China. Not very bad but I feel down a lot of time. Listening to and learning from your videos makes a big difference on my life! I stop feeling lonely when watching your videos, I feel a lot better. I will be a better man!
I had a big career decision to make that I was putting off for quite some time and then I stumbled upon this video. The last advice of optimising for minimal regret immediately gave me my answer. It was such a simple decision and I can't believe I never thought like this before. Golden advice.
Thank you Mark❤️. People are born into this life and hardly anyone teaches them who they are, how to live with themselves, how to operate themselves to make it through this life. A lot of people break, loose themselves in drugs and alcohol, get mentally sick simply because they cannot cope with what is coming. You are one of very few people who shares the key on how to live in this life and to make the most of it. Absolutely fantastic analytical work on your part extracting the most important conclusions from all books you read and deliver it in the simple forms people can understand. You may not realise how important is the knowledge you share with us. What you do is very valuable. THANK YOU very much and God bless you and your family!
If I'm honest I think most of my best decisions in life were made for me, and the worst decisions I made were the ones I made with absolute certainty. This is by far the best advice on decision making I have ever heard and I'm 50 dude. You rock!
Glad you did decide to make this channel Mark! Im debating whether to do a PhD or not and keep finding out I dont have a clue how it will actually be. But as you say, I will probably regret not doing it more than doing it. Awesome content!
Solved my greatest mystery why everytime I wrote my diaries I always sorted my shit out and at the end of my diary i always used to get the correct solutions.....AS YOU SAID WRITING STUFF DOWN helps👍👌👌
Interesting! I find myself getting lost when I can’t make a decision. This usually happens when it’s about something that doesn’t have a right answer. It’s so frustrating. I think I fear the consequences too much...
I can totally imagine this is frustrating. Sometimes taking a risk, experimenting and examining are a part of paving your path through the journey of life.. Are you able to address the source of your fear of the consequences? What makes you so afraid of them?
@@wesleyvanpeer1988 what I have seen in my experience is a fear of the unknown, or a fear to disappoint or just some really anxious people which can paralyze easily
Define "good" and "bad" decisions (to the individual, not to others). They are all mere part of one's life, to a step closer(yes, only one step at a time) to know thyself, before time's running out, and that's life.
Thank you for making these videos. Your articles are great but when they're put in a video format, it's even better. Please continue to make videos on all the topics/articles that you've written. Your advice on relationships changed my life. Thanks again!!
My friend told me that whether a decision is good or bad is decided in the very moment when this decision is made. We can’t be sure what will happen in the future and so the only thing we can do is to base the decision on the information we have right now.
“There are no solutions, there are only trade-offs; and you try to get the best trade-off you can get, that's all you can hope for.” We cannot achieve a perfect outcome. -Thomas Sowell
The line cutting thing is really about the fact that people are afraid of confrontation. Most were never going to say anything so the reason was irrelevant. They just did not want to confront someone and them giving a reason was just an excuse to avoid the confrontation.
I made a decision to drop out of College and pursue self-investment. Do I regret doing this? No. Do I regret not going to College? Also no, because I think I still can pursue it someday. To be honest, I am happy where I am at, even though I have so much more to learn. It is such a a bold move for me to choose something unorthodox but I appreciate writers like you, Mark Manson who continue to give content that actually makes sense.
More valuable insights for me making my big decisions. I don't feel so bad dragging my feet, now that you shared that it took you two years to start your RU-vid channel. Thanks for adding perspective to the oftentimes tough decision making process!
Loved this video! I don't know what to do with my life and I always struggle with decision making. I have spent the last four months thinking about whether or not to continue the course in digital marketing: 4 months of overthinking, overanalysis and procrastination. I'm still confused, but the question "will I regret doing it or will I regret not doing it?" blowed my mind...
Experiences are here to remind us what happened, what we sensed, felt and thought, and the lessons we have learned from it. They could be one of our best sources of education and self-growth. They are who we are, what we do and who we become.
Whether to let go of control or take it up more Do you lean back and accept that life flows in ways hard to grasp or fokus your mind and try to make rational decisions? Do you quantify what is good/bad and plan for it (e.g. I will do more sports so my neck hurts less and will spend more time with family so the heart hurts less. Then I will feel better and thats good.)? Or do you strive for more broad things like being a good person and trust your gut feeling? It is obviously both but I find them in tension with each other
That talking to you self reminded me to hit “like”. That was so refreshing to see, cuz I talk to myself in my head NONSTOP, but it is over anxious or nervous thoughts. Somtimes nice thoughts too
You're so right. I try to question myself more and more, would I regret NOT taking this decision or path in my life in 5/10/20 years. Most of the time it is yes. Thanks so much for your real and awesome advice man
Hey Mark, I stared journalling back on November 1st from your advise. it was an eye opener. At first it sucked because it hurt, but then it really stared to pay off. I thought most days were 5s but then when it I wrote it down most days turned out to be 7-8s. Wow!
Mark you are a gaslighting-buster! Whenever I watch your videos I would make clear about at least one confusion that others gave me (through gaslighting me! Freak it!). I mean I just suddenly understand and see what's going on! And I quit agonizing about bad feelings I did not even know clearly about. And carry on with the right things. Thank you so much!
As a Stoic, I make decisions based on whether they are virtuous or vice. Regret, non regret, happiness, meh, those are indifferent… I just want peace of mind.
The thing I've learned about making decisions, now that I'm 24 years old, is that you should take risks and listen to your gut feeling along with some common sense of course, because every choice has a consequence. But, some decisions are worth the consequences and some risks are worth taking, but only if you can afford to lose or if you can afford to do it again. Ultimately though, your decisions should be based on having no regrets, just like Mark said in the video.
The decision I am struggling with is whether to take up a job I got right after finishing college (even before I finished, Actually), or take a 6-month break to just do... nothing. And just sit with myself. The job seems like something I'd like doing, but then, I think I could take a break too. Well, I already decided to take a month off, but still doubtful about what's the right thing to do. This video certainly helped me feel a bit better about my decision.
Just recently I had a big decision that pushed my boundaries so hard that I couldn't sleep for weeks. I made the decision, I still don't know the consequences of it and I still feel the insecurities of it. Let's see how it goes.
Could not agree more with the fact that it's better to regret something you have done than something you haven't. I kinda learnt that the hard way, avoiding further commitment in my last relationship just out of fear, which ended up ruining a worthy relationship. I can't do much about the past at this stage, but my pain has taught me a valuable lesson: try not to bring any regrets with you to the tomb.
I have been really struggling with a big life decision and then this video popped up in my feed...I just watched it because I like your stuff, I didn't even consider that it might help with this decision I have been struggling with. Anyway, it has really helped met understand how to approach it and what to consider. Thank you so much!
I conimplated buying your book for weeks until I decided to do it one day. I left no room to think about it, no time to stir emotions about spending money on a book I might not read and second guessing my decision to better myself. Ijust did it and read your book. So far, its fucking life changing. Thanks a fuck ton!
Hey Mark, thanks for this video! I'm struggling with the decision of A) Settling for an immediate job with less Job Security or B) Thinking long term and taking a gap year to prepare for competitive exams for getting a government job.
I have been struggling with deciding whether to go for a promotion during a reorganisation at work while there are opportunities or wait until I feel more ready for promotion in a year or two. I have been writing about it and that has helped but the strategy of asking if I would regret not going for a promotion for another year and trying to get more experience that would help me get promoted really helps. The answer is probably not. In 20 years I am not going to care what year I got promoted. I am more likely to care how easy or difficult the transition was after getting promoted. I had a difficult year after an earlier promotion and I don't want to go through that again.
Thanks a lot! Dear Mark, right now Im struggling because I have a new job and my parents are willing me to ask for days off next week so we can go to a Christmas trip. But im very uncomfortable asking for it knowing that next month I have to leave my country for a week (and again I have to ask for days off). My parents are not agreeing with me that it may look bad and that it compromises my image. So either I have to force me to ask for those days off for a trip or making it worse with my parents in Christmas times.
Your videos are really great and informative and also brought in a way that is easy to digest and understand. I struggle with so much of the topics that you talk about in your videos and I hope I can do more with myself and be wat more active in my life. keep up with the videos they truly are great!
I faced a challenge some 50 years ago. I hemmed and hawed and finally decided not to do what I was facing. To this day I regret that decision. Had I at least tried the challenge I would have at least known if it was the right thing to do. Word to the wise when in doubt do it as long as it is legal!
Hey Mark, I've been following you since Models. I just gotta say that I'm loving the videos! Editing is on point too. It's nice to hear your voice and put a voice to the articles I've been reading for all these years.
I did something which truly fucked me up and now I see that i didnt use my typical thought processz which is explained in this video : Will I regret not doing it? I even said this to the people I trust when questioning them on their advice but they said I was too emotionally unstable and i just didn't want to make the decision to let go. They are right in some capacity but now regret lived with me because I didn't listen to myself (to be honest , I was paralyzed with anxiety pretty hard for the first time, sand it was right that i was scares of letting go because of reasons, but that. Doesn't mean it's the right choices just that i was scared and what is worst, that i didn't trust myself, which is my responsibility. I can't fault the people that i trust, because they told me advice, they didn't tell me what to do.)
I've been struggling with making the decision on whether to keep makin' RU-vid videos or not and that whole thing about will I regret it, certainly helped. Thanks Mark!
Mark, I'm glad you are done waiting to share your videos, your translation of information is exactly the language some of us speak!!! Love the the way the videos are developing, you are a NOT an awful teacher! ;)
I am in my last year of high school, and I do not know whether I complete my university studies or take a year off to be free and discover myself, knowing that I haven't chosen a major yet, and i don't want to regret
I'm nearing the age where I have to get a job or go to college, and although it feels like the decision I want to make is to get a less demanding job or go to a writing course, while working hard and smart on my swedish fiction writing in my spare time and sending texts to publishers, I'm absolutely terrified of taking the final step. I have been writing for about three years, and gotten published in an anthology, but still. I guess I'm afraid of feeling selfish. In other words, if I just write for years and years, but never get published, have I been rude to other people for not picking a job where it's easier to contribute to others? Yet writing gives me fullfillment like nothing else, and I really want to spread that magic to others.
It's not rude to do what you want! You have to take into account if Yu can afford it and if you are truly into it and you can still fail, but remember what was said in the video.' would you regret it in a few years if you hadn't done it ?
Personally, I'm torn between pursuing a career as a singer or an illustrator. However, I'm uncertain whether I must choose between the two. I aspire to excel in both and fear regret if I abandon one of my passions. Your videos are fantastic. Great content.
Try both. See how the path feels and test the waters for both options. Follow your intuition as you continue to excel in both per suites. Enjoy the process! Who knows, maybe you could be really successful doing both. Your the country singing while doing illustration on your off time. Seems pretty cool.
Great video! Going to look up those books you mentioned. And I recently made the choice to leave my job for a position at a new firm and how you said you should feel about a decision is exactly how I feel. Glad to be validated and more sure that I made the right decision.
Another great book along these lines is `How We Change (And Ten Reasons Why We Don't)`. It explains in lucid detail how these push/pull of emotions keeps one stuck in the same ol' rut in life, and how to get around this (with great effort, and slow speed, but what is the other option?).
Mark next time you work with people on relationships like one available on audible, please choose me!! I am from India and I loved how you helped them see and navigate their process in love is not enough (:
I'm still struggling with starting a RU-vid channel too, I'm so scared. People around me don't appreciate the things I'd like to do and ideas I wished to spread, so everytime I try to talk about it, nobody takes it seriously, witch is really , Er...helping with my social phobia battle lately. Until I have the balls to do it, I have to keep being a delivery guy. I hate my life
I never did a friend in college that inspired me to not get comfortable, and now i regret to not find that purpose and lost my college Experience. But i compromise from today to do better and will do all that would take me feel uncomfortable
Im struggling to decide whether to leave my partner of 8 years. I have been wanting to leave for probably more than 4 years. I have clung on to the hope he will change even after I have told him I am unhappy. I have only just realised I am stupid to think if he changes things will be great. I have also just accepted that I am afraid to be alone and that is why I stay. Thank god I found your books this year as they have helped me accept I have to feel the pain of moving and living alone as I know I will only regret not doing it sooner.
This was so great! I just got introduced to looking more closely at my decision making process and have been seeking more answers. This really helped me. The decision I am struggling with is not knowing what to do next in my business.
Why i will remove the emotions of my decisions if the reason of my choices is to feeling good on the situations The good way is to amplify the context for to see the impactfull results, that can be generate awesome emotions and make decisions on that vision. To use the racional choice for great feelings on long time (or efective time). And use the feelings like fuel for actions.
I needed this video 3 months ago when I was torturing myself over a decision of living alone for $550/month or living with a 60 year old lady for $320/month as a flatmate. In the end, I chose the old lady because I was overwhelmed with the emotions of responsibility of living on my own in a foreign country without knowing the language and all the bureaucy and logistics. In the end, it feels like a mistake because I lost an opportunity for a perfect apartment in a country which it is known for its housing crisis. I did a similar writing exercise, Tim Ferriss's Fear setting exercise, but my mind is overwhelmed with anxious thoughts that written exercises weren't really helpful. I would literally spend the whole morning writing down the pros and cons and asking myself all sorts of questions, but I would just not move an inch in regard of actually knowing which decision to make.
