This simple concept changed my life.
If you enjoyed this video and want some longer form content, you will probably love my guided sleep meditations. You can sign up for that here! www.healinglat...
I spent years of my life, trying to rescue people, and calling it love.
I’d try saving them from feeling lonely.
Saving them from their choices.
Saving them from themselves.
From the outside, it looked like I was just being a good friend, a good partner. But what was really happening was my own struggle to sit with their discomfort, their pain.
Years.
It's taken years to unlearn this impulse-to literally sit on my hands instead of jumping in and problem solve for other people.
That's why I started something that might seem small but is incredibly significant:
I stopped offering other adults tissues while they’re crying-unless they ask for one.
We often think it's a loving gesture, this instinct to comfort. But I find it interesting that the number one thing we do when someone is crying, is reach for the first thing we can to wipe it away.
But here’s the truth: offering a tissue is sometimes more about our own discomfort than their needs. And that's not love. That's avoidance.
And when we resist the urger to contain someone's moment of vulnerability, something magical happens: a space opens up, a real, raw space where feelings aren't just there, but they're felt, you know? I’ve seen moments of silence turned into moments where people start to sift through their own problems. People are remarkably capable of working through their own pain-when given the space to do so.
You see, this isn't really about tissues. It’s about autonomy. Sometimes, without even realizing it, we can unintentionally push people out of the drivers of their own lives - and that's a quiet catastrophe.
So, as much as it sucks, as adults, it's our responsibility to ask for what we want and what we need, even in the moments we want someone else to take care of us. And as much as it hurts to see someone hurt, it's not up to you, me or anyone else to clean up the mess.
There is a very big and very real discomfort we all share around open emotional expression and when it comes to asking for help. And I think we can change that.
And I think that change starts with something small, like not offering someone else a tissue while they’re crying if they haven’t asked for one.
Until we truly understand it’s not about the tissue at all.
But the space for truth it leaves behind.
Filmed by Ashe Walker and Brandon James Ripley
30 сен 2024
