How To Talk About Your Past Baggage In a Relationship 

“Its not baggage.... it’s luggage we just need to unpack”

"I've got to trust the Lord that he's going to give this person Grace and Forgiveness for me if He wants them to stay." beautifully said, Jeff. Both of you never fail to amaze and encourage me. 💛

The way she looks at him is so beautiful ❤

In a nutshell, be open, honest, and attentive. Likewise for the woman. Thats it.

I agree that the conversation should happen very early on; within the first month or so. I love how you talked about the cycle of vulnerability! Great advice & video!

You should also be very careful with who you choose to open up with and share this intimate moment with. Because the wrong person may use your past against you.

Orrrrr pursue FRIENDSHIP with someone you're considering pursuing. Got to know my guy of 2 years through months of friendship before dating. Your real self comes out with good friends as well and it allows you to see each other without any expectation or worry for what they "think" of you. He was my best friend and that allowed him to be the best boyfriend/ future partner.

I was planning on telling my girlfriend about my porn addiction and now i feel even more urged to do so. Trusting God and exposing this sin to kill it. James 5:15-20

This was one of the most helpful videos of yours I've ever watched. I love listening to you guys. Thanks for being so relevant!

I love talking about the past... It helps us address our insecurities and support and elevate each other. Plus it's so interesting! Openminded, no judgement, candidity. If you don't, there could be a feeling of betrayal too if not.

I just finished listening to Love That Lasts. It was amazing! God bless you guys!

I love hearing yalls thoughts on this subject. I definitely think these are conversations couples need to have. Been frowned upon in the past for it but I believe even more now than ever that I was on the right track. My timing has not always been the best but my intentions were always sincere.

Great video!! I know this topic is one that was really important to me when I first started dating my boyfriend. Honesty and vulnerability with each other really really helps bring you closer, even if some of their past is really difficult to overcome. My boyfriend wasn't living a Christian lifestyle for a period of his life, and I know that that was really difficult on me, but I am so grateful that he was completely open and honest with me right off the bat. Thanks for the great video Jeff and Alyssa!

Thank you for this Jeff and Alyssa. I've been going through a hard time, both with my mental health and faith. I don't know how to bring things up to my girlfriend and this helped me a ton. I wasn't expecting this in my notifications and it couldn't have come at a better time. Love you two

I agree!! You should be open and honest and heal together!!

She is really good human being❤️

I love this. Thank you thank you thank you. This is so needed to hear and get advice on. 🙌🏼🙏🏻

I was curious about boyfriend's past and so I asked him what happened to his past relationships. I know I have a lot of baggage and they definitely affect the way I perceive relationships and love today, so I wanted to know about his past too. He just said that like all relationships that end, his did too. That was it. I didn't prod further because it seemed like he didn't want to talk about it anymore, neither did he ask me about my past. We've been together for about 2 months now. He's always been a very private person about everything, like his family life and whatnot. But he's slowly starting to open up to me and I hope that one day we could be more vulnerable with each other.

Thank you for sharing! Love the part about the cycle of vulnerability

What a respectful woman...wish you both the best...god bless you

Thanks for the great video guys!

I so needed to hear this right now. Thank you! 🙌

Amen! Another awesome video!

I love this video! You said you guys talk more about the forgiveness part in your book? I would love to hear more about that.

I completely agree. I wish this was something that I required or at least requested wayy back when my husband was just my boyfriend. Things do stick and are carried into marriage no matter what. Its better to deal with it sooner, rather than later !

This is so helpful, thank you for this :)

Thank you for doing this one. I needed it after receiving more information about my fiancé. Alyssa, could you do a video on this subject but what it felt like and how it was finding grace and forgiveness over Jeff’s past? I know your story looked a lot different and I am sure much of it was difficult to swallow, as it is for me right now. How did your thoughts change when he told you these things? How did that change your view of him? And how were you able to move past or even see him in a better light afterward?

Good word guys!!

Love and appreciate you guys! 💞💕

This is so beautiful thank you

Y’all have truly been blessed with wisdom. Do you have any advice on getting back together with someone?

Great video❤️🙏🏽 I absolutely love you guys.

Great video! Thank you!!❤

Alyssa is such a lovely lady.

Great video! Agree with you guys!

Oh man thanks guys. LOVE LOVE LOVE that you came at it from a christian and Godly view. I needed advice and this was perfect. You have no idea. God bless.

The comment about Jesus being the third wheel almost made me spit out my ice cream I laughed so much 😂😅😅

God bless you guys and your ministry.

I want to ask questions and try to get some advice from you Jeff but I don’t think you would have the time for my B.S. keep up the good work I love listing to you guys

Thank you guys i really needed this god bless

Hi your videos are always so inspiring!! I was wondering if you could also briefly speak to when it might be too early to bring up past baggage? Is it okay to share it with someone right after meeting or should you wait until the relationship is headed somewhere serious or even only once you’re in the committed relationship? What’s your take on that? Thank you so much!!! 😊

The earlier the better.... 🤔🤔🤔 First date it is then 😂. Waste no time.

Hi Jeff thank you for all the great videos. I was wondering if you can make a video or give advice on making decisions about one's own future after a break up? See I went through a a break up around a month ago and it's seems that after the break up I am so unsure about my own future... My plan was for so long to build a life for me and my girl friend and sins we broke up it seems like there is so much uncertainty that I am scared to make decisions...I hope this makes sense.

Thanks for sharing 🖒

Excellent book! Read/listen IT!

I don’t know if this topic has been brought up yet but I think this will be a great basic question to ask. I am currently going through this myself, how would you go upon if your parents don’t accept your relationship? How about if you both love each other and share God, but have an age gap? I’d love to hear your response Jeff. God Bless

I love that. The Lord calls us to be honest and transparent. Praise God! As we lay it down at the feet of Jesus, so we should do the same to someone we are engaging with and getting to know.

Hey Jeff, what would you say about sharing past pain that other people have afflicted on to you to. My fiancé wants to seek counseling because of her past (I think a lot of it has to do with her parents), I don't know a whole lot about her past. I've shared everything from my past but whenever I ask about hers she isn't willing to share.

Personally I think a month is too early I would wait several months before hand or if I’m comfortable sharing some stuff in the friendship stage I would.

Hmmm do you think it’s okay to share your baggage with a potential(friends but you have feelings for each other)? Or you think it’s better to share the baggage after you start dating?

That's an awkward picture 🤣

How in detail do you need to go about the past? Are names and numbers really necessary or just the fact that there is a past?? I’ve heard both sides wondering what y’all think

More videosssssss please

make a video of how to deal rejection

I have a great boyfriend and two days ago my friend said my ex said after me he hasn’t had anyone else and I felt something weird in my chest , I have a great guy God has put but I deff don’t want to feel this and I want to fight and my boyfriend says to me he will be there with me through it all because he understands

Jeff as someone that is struggling with what you were struggling with have you ever had some one that disrespected your trust? My family doesn’t know and it’s something that’s happening with just God knowing. I don’t have a SO right now but I don’t want to hide it when I finally do. But I’m afraid that someone will betray my trust and tell my family. And they’ll never be able to look at me the same and I know I’ll be disowned. And that would absolutely destroy me. Also had you already fixed your problem when you and Alyssa got together? Or was it something you still battled with?

Great Vlog Guys. I kinda figured out being open and honest about my past baggage is not for me. Unless. I can go back and change things why upset myself reliving a closed chapter?

Yeah I think this great just talk bout things thoughly in the beginning. Just so there is no surprises. I like that. I think the guy would be surprise Im a very open minded person. I've been through a lot and I understand complex situations. I don't think I my self to be bringing baggage I don't think.

Are you still going to be doing the weekly vlogs and podcasts? Sorry for the random question im just a huge fan and i do like the sit down and talk videos and all the things u guys talk about that are very helpful but i really really miss the vlogs. U had mentioned that you guys were starting up again and it would be more consistent now that you guys had a pretty good schedule down that there would be weekly vlogs and podcasts and on the video about her birthday you guys also mentioned that the blogs would be back soon and then when you went to Disney you mentioned again that they would be back soon once you guys were all back together again so I’m just curious if and when The regular weekly schedule is going to start. I know things come up and you guys have meetings so i’m sure the occasional sit down video or what night is going to happen but are you guys still planning on doing a regular and more consistent schedule? I so so so enjoy the videos and with everything I’m going through in my personal life, your videos just are very uplifting and seeing your family and the examples that you sent for your kids and for other married couples is very encouraging and something that I hope to someday have in my life. Sorry if this question sounds strange but doesn’t make sense and it’s definitely not meant to be rude I genuinely just want to know if there is going to be a consistent schedule like you first said when this started in September I believe were I was just wondering if it’s changed now??? Love your sweet family and am thankful for u guys. (I also have a few of your books and I absolutely love them hopefully one day I will have someone to go through the love that lasts book with so that I can get that one as well) 😊

My fiancé and I has been honest about our past struggles and both of us acknowledged, accepted and trying other help each other to deal with those struggles. The sad part is his best friend is trying to break us apart because of those and told me that his best friend (my fiancé) 'deserves someone better' which broke my heart. I am not perfect and I have made wrong decisions in the past but I have learned from them, now, I am in between 😒 I don't want to them to put a strain in their relationship and I am starting to believe that maybe he deserves someone better. 😞

Can you guys do video on "boundaries when it comes to your friends whom are in a relationship?" So I'm a girl who has guy friends, and I know it's normal. But I tend not to know how to act around them once they're in a relationship. I don't ever want to disrespect their girlfriend by hanging out with them still. So I just want to know what is, and isn't okay. A video on this would really help me a lot and probably many others too! Please consider doing one, thank you! Keep doing what you guys are doing:)

❤️❤️

So beautiful

❤️❤️❤️

Hey Jeff how are you doing I learnt much things from you and I just say what are you doing is adorable

What if you've told them your story but then break up and expose u?

I don't disagree with this video but this is only a good idea if the other person is "safe". I had a talk with my now ex-boyfriend after about a month of dating for some of reasons they described, I like transparency. He turned out to be a predatory narcissist who used that information to know exactly how to manipulate, control, and take advantage of me. To be fair, at the time I had already seen a red flag but because he listened and seemed to care and opened up to me about things that he'd been through I walked away from the conversation feeling reassured he was "safe" and that he probably just made a mistake when the red flag happened. Just felt I should mention the potential danger.

Basically I am afraid what my girlfriend will answer... But whatever her past is, it's not going to change. Good advice indeed to ask God to help with this subject.

What if it been years of being in a toxic relationship and try to fix what we have

I notice that u both look each other in the eyes a lot when you speak to each other. I feel like I can't look my partner like that .

what do you mean 'our past affects our present and future' surely He sets us free from this??

Don't ..hah ha ha..

I think ( as much as I hate to admit t ) I should just be single. I’m so embarrassed about my past. Anytime ive ever told anybody ( includes pastors ) just to talk about it. I have gotten ignored or there is an immediate subject change. I’m so ashamed ☹️ I know Jesus loves me but I feel like nobody else could possibly love me or accept me after it.

I am Gali, in the year 1980 I lost all my hopes, I became a thief and club dancer. At that time I heard about Christ, the Lord spoke with me though the Scripture. JOHN 14:6 “I AM THE WAY THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE NO MAN COMETH UNTO THE FATHER BUT BY ME.” I surrendered my life to Lord Jesus and confessed that He is the only Lord and died for my sins to deliver me from all my sins (Karma). When I totally surrendered my life to the Lord He has delivered me from evil spirits, which suffered me about 6 years. I became a new person in Christ. I love Bible so much and started memorizing the scriptures. By the grace of God I have memorized Five Thousand (5,000) Verses from the Holy Bible. Every week I also remember all the verses. Morning time I remember about 1500 verses for praise, worship and prayer. (Including 100 Psalms). This practice helps me to grow strong in the Lord and also to help others for the glory of the Lord. John 14:6 is my favorite verse; I preach this word to many unsaved people that they may find the peace in Jesus Christ because He is the Lord of all. ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-GWViryWWch4.html

Stop interrupting her man. Show humility

Not very helpful video, sorry

Advice was good until you started making it a ceremon

mgtow is the future, christian mgtow is even better