How Far Is Too Far To Go When Dating? | Jefferson & Alyssa Bethke 

I just want to thank you for this comment. not because you're taking my side or another, but because of the positivity. thanks

God Bless you!

+Dom'sDominatingGaming God Bless you for you story! Thank you!

👍👍👍👍👍

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Took the words right out my mouth lol.

The way he looks at God #GOALS

Your Homie yeah. the fact that someone is out there for me is pretty thrilling.

Eden Grey Amen

+Izz G I think it depends on the heart of the person asking--if they're asking because they want to have a list of "dos" and "don'ts" then no, their heart isn't in the right place. If they're asking because they're not clear on what is sexual sin and what isn't, then I would say the question is fine. For me, I began asking that question because I wasn't clear on what it meant to be sexually impure--I knew sex didn't belong outside of marriage, but there were other things that weren't sex that were still not pure outside of marriage. My conclusion was eventually that one should stay away from anything that ignites sexual desire--to avoid any temptation at all. So if you can kiss without feeling tempted? Great. Just make sure your partner is the same way. If you can't, though, then stay as far away from that as possible. Just my two cents :)

That's so true, I agree with you :)

Izz G Yeaahahh😂😅😅

Izzy Wow, this is so true. I really like the way you said that. A lot of people get tempted the easiest when they set up boundaries, but constantly want to go near them.

Morongwa Olifant gods not real

Willster why are you even on here if you don't belive in god

Dj Akademiks Son cause it's fun

amen

@willster I pray that God will soften your heart and that you will experience an encounter with Him. God is real and wether you except him or not He still loves you. Look out your window you can see God's hand in creation

Thanks guys! Secular world doesn’t enjoy how you both are modest and respect each other. Nothing wrong with being humble...

Yes, totally! Especially when it doesn't seem like the physical/sexual contact is hurting their relationship and they have a successful relationship. That confuses me...makes me think that relationships where you do or have gone too far can still work.

Sara Katherine I think for me it's not necessarily that it makes it seem like it still works, but it's frustrating because it seems like that is what you have to do to even get a relationship these days. If you don't have sex after 3-5 dates good luck finding a boyfriend willing to wait long enough to establish a decent relationship.

It helps if you make a list of promises to yourself (and to Jesus)! Promises that start with "I promise to..." or "I promise to not..." I have my own list, and it really, really helps keep me on the path I wish to travel towards Jesus. :)

kattwin1 That's not a bad idea :)

Sara Katherine Are you starting to realize that sex is not nearly as bad as some would have you believe? Just remember that the bible was written thousands of years ago in a society with a very different set of values. (This why the bible contains some bizarre rules like abstaining from shellfish, or not being allowed to wear mixed fabrics). I'm sure God is much more concerned about how you treat others, rather than who you have consensual sex with.

Thanks Jeff and Alyssa!

Jeff, I love what you're doing. *And* why don't you say "mhmm" and "yeah" in your head instead of out loud? ;)

Good stuff sir

awsome ur really helpful .... thanks so much !!!!!!

This is the way everyone should understand friendship and relationships... Keep it up guys. I wish my wife and I could be there telling our story with you guys!

Steven, that is a GREAT way to avoid getting yourself into a place you can't get out of! And it'll help BIG TIME to have a partner who agrees with you and agrees with the boundaries the BOTH of you have set up TOGETHER. My sister is a Christian whose boyfriend doesn't see why sex before marriage is a bad idea, and it is VERY hard for her to keep him (and herself) from going too far. Despite her firm convictions, it seems she's the only one with boundaries while he's going/doing whatever he wants, free as a bird. And, since she cares deeply for him, she finds it hard not to follow him where he leads her. Though he said he wouldn't do anything she doesn't want him to do, it's not fair that she's the only one in the relationship with any boundaries. It's very difficult for her, and it causes me deep pain to see her in the situation, and that I'm unable to help. Anyway, my point is, go into your relationship with wisdom and boundaries, and it'll be easier for you to avoid temptation. Watch for those warning signs that temptation is or may come knocking, and do your best to avoid a head-on collision. I read comments like yours and I think there is still hope for the relationships of the world! God bless!

kattwin1 Thanks. Yea, I guess I'm lucky that I have had a lot of guidance on how to persue relationships wisely. I actually haven't had a girlfriend yet (not in a rush) so I assume it's more difficult in practice, but when the time comes I'll try to make things go well the way I believe it should. And I think it's important to stress that the guidelines I'm talking about aren't to make people feel restricted or frustrated, they're to create clear communication and to eliminate complication. If both people understand eachothers' boundaries upfront and promise to be conscious of them, then hopefully that should avoid a lot of unwanted situations where someone steps over an invisible line. There shouldn't be invisible boundaries, they should be talked about very early on in the relationship, if not at the dating proposal itself.

Well said!

Steven Bowser Really good advice thanks

Truee.. Like temptations will always be there but I guess we should just learn how to focus on other things. Nvr been in a relationship as well and I still believe in God's time so right now the righr thing to do is to wait. And in this season I learned a lot, I believe God is preparing me for something great in the future. I've purchased this book entitled I kissed dating goodbye by Joshua Harris, It's a christian book which talks about relationships, dating, and so in a christian's perspective and it really helps.

You know, that really is one great reason for not having sex before marriage. Of ALL the reasons out there to remain a virgin, and to remain pure, the fact that a sexless relationship = less baggage after the relationship ends is a HUGE plus!! Besides, that reason is something non-Christians could probably understand / relate to. I have never had sex in any relationships, either, and I can say with 100% honesty I am not weighed down by shame or regret. I have held onto my dignity, my purity, and my promises to myself, Jesus, and whoever my husband may someday be. I respect myself, and I am proud of myself. :) Praise God!!

kattwin1 Praise God for your commitment to The Lord

Well said! When you feel down or you feel like you are struggling, give it to the Lord and He will sustain you! He is better than anything on earth :) God bless!

KahlaWolf i didn't even see this comment brother,but amen and may the spirit of God guide you into all truth and comfort you on this walk

amen

Justin Greene why cause you won't have sex? That sounds pretty shot to me

He doesn't look at her the same way.

+Holden Blackmer lol...so true !

You know, it's guys like you that give girls like me some hope. I just wanted to tell you that. I wish the best for you and your girlfriend! :)

Show/explain to them that Christ must be the center of your lives - which includes His teaching through the Bible as to all things including marriage and sex.

Please don't feel shame about something that is so natural.

YESSSS

Isaura Comas

In this sense, I would suggest to give God a signal or of some sort in your prayers, and ask him for reassurance

seek God in prayer brother.if God has chosen that person for you,then he will make it known.ask God in spirit and in truth to reveal to you whether this girl is the right one for you and he will do so because he is faithful

phantom2k10 I am a girl but thank you!

BeeTube my bad lol

Hi BeeTube. We have to remind ourselves that there isn't "the one". The concept of "the one" is just a result from our culture and it isn't true. It's not about: Is this person the person that God intended me to be with? It's about: How will I give glory to God through my relationship with this person? If you want to look for signs of a great husband then look for someone who would lead you and love you as Christ loved the church. This means looking for a man who would respect you, would literally die for you, would lead you in spirit and in truth with gentleness, and would love our God more than he loves you (since God should be the center of our relationships). This is what a lady should look for in a husband. Oh and when I say your husband should love God more than he loves you, I'm not saying that your husband should be more faithful to the church than to you or that he should ignore you and just seek God. A man who loves God first then his wife would love his wife even more so than a man who loves his wife first then God. At the same time you should love God more than your husband which will ultimately lead you to love you husband that much more.

Some are and some arnt. And no, thank you for answering my question i really appreciate it!

I would say talking to each other everyday should be done. I have been in a relationship before where him and I almost never talked, and when we did, I was always the only person to ever initiate a conversation. It sucked. And think about this: relationships should be focused on friendships, not physical attraction. And think about friendships. If you only talked to your best friend only one Day week, or two...how close would you really be? I mean, they wouldn't know the day to day you very well. They wouldn't know how you act with your friends very well, they wouldn't know a whole bunch of stuff. And if they don't know a whole bunch of stuff about you, you probably don't know a lot about them. I would say communication in every kind of relationship, is one of, if not the most, important thing in a relationship. If you guys don't talk a lot, tell them, "hey, let's talk!" Think about marriages, if a husband and wife didn't communicate on a regular basis, that's normally when a relationship status to go a bit down hill. Communication builds trust, friendships, and helps both you and the other person. I would say, communication when you can, is important. If you guys have know eachother FOREVER, and normally talk to each other all the time, and you're super close, and you're not like in another country on a busy schedules, then it's okay to go a short period of time without talking. But yes, you should try to talk to either everyday.

Emma Hill that's great advice! Thanks

Even Jeff admitted to struggling with his past decisions. You can't take back something that you've done. However, God will honor your decision to turn away from those actions. It's never too late to start pursuing purity. If we strive towards doing better (note how I said "strive", because we can't be perfect), He forgives us and we will be blameless in His sight. The next step is learning how to forgive ourselves, and that's the harder part, especially within a relationship. The best advice I can give is this: Philippians 3:"12 Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. 13 Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Esp. verse 13

Sarah Bobis Of course it is fixable! Isaiah 1:18 - though your sins be as scarlet they shall be as white as snow. That is what the atonement is for - to allow us to repent, change and do better.

I definitely agree! I just think it's very hard for humans for forgive themselves. It's difficult to fathom the grace of God and we still have to struggle through our past decisions sometimes. There are also earthly consequences that usually result from our sins that we have to own up to.

Oh lord, keep doing it. Have fun. Don't limit yourself to this nonsense.

no you'll burn in the endless depths of hell

will do

Jose, I'm married and still grapple with this so don't fret. We are told to love our wife as Christ loved the church and laid his life down for her. What helps me is to think of it as servant leadership not dictator leadership. Sure, some element is being a strong spiritual guide but I also think it's more of a "how can I serve my significant other in a way that lifts her up, spiritually and emotionally, that makes her feel safe and loved...ect" question that should be asked. Hope this helps.

Mark Rockwell that's the greatest advice i have ever herd!! more about serving not dictating, i'll remember that Mark thank you for pouring into me! Funny i have a tattoo of Ephesians 5:25 on my ring finger so what you just said makes this tattoo more meaningful! Thanks brother that was powerful and awesome!

Hi Jose. To be a leader in a relationship, specifically a marriage, means that you would have to... lead your wife haha. This doesn't mean to lead your wife financially or something, but lead her in decision and in her sanctification. If your wife sins, then for her sanctification's sake, not her justification (we already have full forgiveness and full union with Christ-- we were justified by the cross) you should correct her in love. Be gentle and correct her with the right motives. And also what Mark Rockwell said (:

Hi Jose. I'm a girl so I'm obviously not the one to tell how to do. But my fiancé read this book (I also read it) and it's really really great! www.amazon.com/Wild-Heart-Revised-Updated-Discovering/dp/1400200393 It is so fantastic when a man feels like a real man, and a woman as a real woman, both in Christ. And you will not regret reading this book about the subject! If you have a girlfriend (or wife) he have wrote a book, with his wife as co author, for woman's too witch also is amazing and an eye opener. Every man should read this book, and the one for woman after. We miss so much in our fatherless generation as you so good describes it. (Sorry for my bad English, I'm from Denmark and not very good at it. But really - the book will be an eye opener.)

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Ephesians 5:22-24 The wife leans on her husband and he should lean on God. by leaning on her husband the wife is ultimately leaning on GOD AS WELL (even though as a christian she already would) Thats how the relationship works.

Rain Mv The only thing that will make a change is if you try to get as close to God as possible. Every father cares for his daughters and so does God. When you get close to him and give that problem in his hands he will help you. Another important thing is that you choose who you date. Consult God before you start dating someone, see if He approves that person, and if God approves him, he's going to be good for you and to you. Hope this was helpful, many blessing :)

Rain Mv If you have sex before marriage you will be sent to hell.

Wally Kaspars that was really rude to say that the girl trying to ask for help and you being a little mean to her

Id say, stop searching and just fully rely on god. I know it can be hard sometimes but honestly- you dont need a man. You need god and since you have him, in your heart, in your life, why worrying about guys and a partner? Just trust in the lord, be close to him, and he will bring you the right man at the right time :)

Wally Kaspars thats not what the Bible says it says it is a sin... but all sin can be forgiven by God through repentance and the sacrifice that was made by Jesus Christ.... Paul said i die daily... its a human nature struggle but we can grow closer to God and He can help us overcome those struggles...

Well for starters, Just say it, (not bluntly, but when appropriate), that you are saving yourself for marriage. If the guy isn't willing to respect that then you shouldn't compromise your views just to stay with someone who isn't willing to respect yours. (And I'm unaware of your spiritual beliefs, I could assume Christian due to the videos, but I'm sure plenty of different people watch them.... but I would take 2 Corinthians 6:14 into consideration, date other believers who share your views on purity, it would make the "How can I explain this to a potential partner" conversation a lot easier). And as for if a guy is good to date, first off try to make realistic expectations for people, no one's perfect, part of relationships is learning to accept them for who they are, flaws included! Now I'm in NO way saying settle for less, it's OK to have expectations, just know that since we're all human no one is going to be perfect. I don't know you or what you look for in relationships, so I can't really give that much advice for this question, but when you see a potential future partner just make note of what kind of person they are, how they act, and if you could see yourself marrying and living with them (God willing, for the rest of your life). Don't let the fact that your friends are in relationships pressure you into one. When you're single, take time to grow and understand yourself, and make sure that instead of focusing on who you're going to date/marry and what they need to be like, focus on what you can do to make yourself the best you that you can be. (I confused myself a bit there, but in short, just make sure that you yourself are mature enough for the commitment that comes with dating and eventually marriage). The purpose of marriage is not to take two halves and make one, but it's to take two filled people and bring them together. ~Hope that Helped!

Well I would say to continue to get so lost on God that the guy has to find you in God because the Bible declares that when a man finds a wife he finds a good thing. So I would say continue to get loss in God. God bless you

David Olmstead well it was actually from Jeff that i got the best relationship advice, (and i listen to a lot) that is to treat a a relationship as a partnership, make sure you are not idolizing your partner because that creates unrealistic expectations and strains the relationship, and to be in a relationship were both of us are looking for good, (his triangle theory) a partnership which to me is perfect because i have restricted myself to dating only people i am already friends with first, not straight out dating, its what my parents did, and the statistic say if u marry ur best friend then the marriage will last longer, cause lust only lasts for so long XD but thanx for the help :)

Waiting for marriage is a terrible mistake. Being bonded with someone who is not compatible with you sexually is not a fun situation to be in, and it leads to resentment and feelings of rejection.

Ergo you are comparing someone to previous sexual partners and thus experience disappointment, because someone wasn't as good as the other, of course it's natural for the human brain to compare things, it's logical. If you save yourself for one person then your brain wont compare anyone you can take time for that relationship to grow. You don't meet someone and instantly love them unconditionally (That's called infatuation) Love is something a person grows into, not falls into, the same applies to a sexual relationship, it's something that two people grow into.

In biblical times they "yolked" oxen together when plowing fields, but they'd yolk similar aged/tempered oxes or else one would hurt the other by pulling too hard on the yolk, and the plow would go all over the place. So when they said back then, "do not be yolked with an unbeliever" people listening/reading would have had an immediate mental image that let them understand just how incompatible Christians are with nonbelievers. xo

Well this was 4 years ago but I'll answer it just in case someone stumbles across it. As a non Christian I think you should ask yourself how much it bothers you that someone else doesn't care as much about Jesus. If you will be offended that they don't care don't date them(or if they don't respect your beliefs) but if you can grow in your own faith on your own, independently from your partner then go for it. If you see it as almost like a hobby that you partake in, then you don't have to feel the need to have your boyfriend take part in it. If it means way more, then just find someone more likeminded.

You want to get to know the person who you might want to marry. God wants his children to be safe and happy so I think that not knowing the person who you want to marry is a foolish move.

Mohamed Okacha You're right, there shouldn't be any hate, between Muslims and Christians! But for us, Jesus is not a messenger. He is the Son of God, and He died for us. For each individual person. My life and eternity is entirely different because of this. Without Jesus living and dying for me, I would never be able to go to heaven, or be perfect. I mess up so much, but Jesus gives me grace and forgiveness. I really pray and hope that you will find Jesus, and know that He died for you and loves you so much. God bless you.

Don't be a hypocrite, you say I respect women yet you claim you get 72 Virgins in heaven? I think not

+Following Yahshua i thought they get 7? Im a christian but how is he a hypocrite? That is what they teach them. But anyway, Jesus is the only way to heaven. No mary, no buddah and no allah. I hope to c u there, in Jesus Name AMENNNN

+youngnigerian14 most Christian are going to hell I would like to contact you and give you s salvation check up

+Following Yahshua may God forgive you. don't worry, u will change. Goodnight

Sounds like it sucks to be a christian hahahaha

No it doesn't suck actually. Having a relationship with God is amazing and it's the best decision I've ever made. It's your choice.

If God does exist, it would be pretty awesome to have a relationship with him. but even if he does, taking this dude's advice about anything is a horrible idea.

You missed the point of the video. You should keep from doing anything that's impure or immoral because doing everything else short of having sex makes you give into temptation much easier and also makes it harder to say no to the real thing because you've done everything else. It's kind of like the domino effect, one thing leads to another. Hope that gave you some insight.

But your already setting yourself up for failure by looking at the *rule* of not having sex. God isn't giving rules, he's giving now grace and transforming hearts where you won't want to have sex, not because its a rule, but because it no longer becomes a desire.

Gavin Denver I no, leav nuff room 4 JESUS. I git wat u mean, like how vidja games maek yah keel ppl.

Gavin Denver yea I guess your right there. I didnt think of it that way

Todd Gordon " he's giving now grace and transforming hearts where you won't want to have sex..." Woah there you are treading on a fine line here.. When has this even happened to any christian and how can I get this to happen to me? Be careful with what you say.

Your comment shows your ignorance of central doctrines of Christianity

Well, if you have to ask "how far is too far?" it sorta seems like there is no boundary because the line is blurred, and then because of that, the person is willing to go as far as he or she wasst because there is no answer. That to me signifies not keeping God in your thoughts, but just doing what you want or feel like doing. I think it depends on the person and God's convictions for him or her. If your gf ends up marrying someone else and you someone else, you're going to remember those sexual times you had with her. To me, that doesn't honor your wife's, nor your ex-gf's husband's, integrity. To me, dating is not about playing with fire, it is about protecting and caring for each other.

rfawn fair enough. I guess its better then "treat them like your brother/sister". THAT is the worst answer ive ever heard to this question. Its just....akward lol.

joey flores Yeah. I think that answer could be changed to "treat them like a friend," because that's what they are, or should be, a friend.

rfawn ehh even that is kinda funny. Theyre your boyfriend/girlfriend and should be treated as such. Dating doesnt have to mean sex.

Wondering why you are even looking at these videos? If you are not interested in God these video don't matter to you. Feeling good with Jesus in the center of your life is so much better than you will ever know, until you come to know him as your savior. The feeling of orgams is so much different when you are married. There is never any guilt or shame, in sex when you are joined together as one though marriage as God intend, for all of His creation. God Bless you brother, I pray you will find Jesus and get to experience His grace and healing, as Jeff has.

Nina Race Firstly, I find your statement that orgams are better when you're married to be utter nonsense. You might feel better about it where you're married because you were told to feel guilty before you were. That brings me to my second point. I never felt guilty before I was married because I never bought into the nonsense of God and guilt. You guys create the disease, guilt, and the cure, Jesus. How about stop telling people to feel guilty about sex and they'll be just fine? I was with my wife for years before marriage and for nearly two decades after and it wasn't better as a result of marriage because we never felt guilty about sex in the first place. Finally, as for why I'm here watching and commenting, I like to learn about other things. It's how one grows in life. Try it sometime. You might ditch the myth of Jesus. The guilt might take a little longer but life is grand without Jesus.

Ed Gloss Not everyone thinks the same way. If you don't agree just don't get into it, you don't have to comment on how you think everything they're saying is so wrong. It's you're opinion and keep it to your self. That is just being rude .

PullipKisses So people should only comment when they agree? Is that how you like it? Only hearing things that reinforce what you already believe? I like to hear the opinions of those who disagree with me. It's how I learn.

Ed Gloss Look I'm just saying if you say you've been with your wife for nearly two decades or w/e it must mean your old enough of to respect other people. Just because someone doesn't think the same way you do, it doesn't give you the right to criticize them and I'm just saying you should be respectful to everyone around you, at the internet or in you real life! Going to videos you know you don't agree to and causing polemics is not your way to "Learn" is your way of entertain yourself. If you really want to learn go study, buy a book or watch videos that are actually educational.