wait.. do you think this man had an accident? I thought something was off. Like the way he is waxing the floor Id say he has at most 95% of the normal range of motion!
@@someolddude7076 It's not like you need a heart all the time. With some organization, one heart can easily be shared by 8 little children or two fat guys.
Nice to see that someone appreciates my work. It’s very sad because my nearest hospital doesn’t accept my offerings so I perform the surgery to people on the streets. Now that I think about it they don’t thank me either!
@@ddd-op5wy I agree. Maybe casual viewers missed it but those of us with keen skills of observation realized that he was in a wheelchair. It was subtle, to be fair
Thank Goodness for the onion news!! You don't know how many times I've slipped while waxing a hardwood floor an ended up severing my pesky fifth thoracic vertebra! Keep up the good work, great tips!
I love how detailed his safety instructions were. It clearly shows that he's played through this scenario in his head over and over again, laying awake at night for hours just thinking about the countless ways how suffering a fate some would claim to be worse than death from something as trivial as waxing a kitchen floor could possibly be avoided. It's almost like he's got personal and deeply scarring and traumatising experience or something.
It's good to see someone trying to help other people from making the same mistakes. A lot of people would encourage people to wax floors so they don't have to be alone. Jerry is a true hero.
"Fake" or not, the part about NEVER trying to jump the waxed part is solid advice! Especially if you're judging distance merely by where the glare ends. You may not sever your spine, but you'll almost certainly damage your ass.
Awwwww, knowing that one of these kids will be saved absolutely melted my heart :) I mean sure, seven of them will die, but still it's really touching.
Fun Fact: Tracy Toth, the actress that plays Tracy Gill in this video is a multi-engine rated pilot that flys commercial Lear jets for a living. All while being an actress too.
I've been a quadriplegic since 85. This sketch was brilliant! I laughed my ass off! I would appreciate it if people without disabilities would shut their mouth and stop whining for/about folks like me. I may have lost the ability to walk but my sense of humor wasn't damaged. This skit is funny as hell!!! Please stop with the pity remarks. All it does is further disable 'our' disabilities... BTW... "Try and avoid severing your fifth thoracic vertebrae..." funnier than shit!!!
I can't believe I just realized how stupid of a name "Today Now" is. It's cause my mind has been desensitized with the thousands of stupid shows, like if I saw a new program called 'The Yesterday Today Show' or 'The Today Tomorrow Show' I wouldn't even think about it.
The two actors who play the hosts are always so pitch perfect, the way they just breeze by any and all uncomfortable topics or things that happen on the show. Amazing.
Got diggity DAYUM this episode was dark. A resentful paralyzed man, 7 dead children, and tips on turning a shelter into a sex dungeon. I miss these videos.
@@dontspikemydrink9382 I see your critical thinking skills are lacking, so allow me to enlighten you: When someone needs a heart transplant, they mean a physical, literal heart that pumps blood throughout your body. Therefore without getting a needed transplant, you will surely die. Make sense yet? If not, I don't care. Read a book.
"so really it is her fault that you're now trapped in a prison like body--Well Jerry, it's so great that you do this!--this can only lead to years of resentment which will ultimately lead to an ugly divorce and some of the loneliest darkest years of your life" "Well Alright!" "Great!"
The best advice is from people who experienced the worst of practice. How often do we ever listen to the 'right way' of doing things until we've experienced why we should do it the 'right way', after already severing our fifth thoracic vertebra? It's best to listen to the guy who can show you exactly why you don't want to fuck up!
What? I think he did a great job. His condition is probably from some other accident or congenital disease. He was probably just trying to protect your peaky 5th thoracic vertebrae
I seriously come back to this video every few years and die of laughter every time he says "Could you hand me that rag please" and just throws it on the floor lmfao
I followed all the instructions but got some wax in my eyes. Now I'm blind, where was the instructions to wear safety glasses? Thanks so much Onion news for your half ass attempt at informing the public on how to do this extremely dangerous task. Onion has blood on its hands!
Oh big man over here, walkin' around and shit. Sprayin' shit in his eyes over here. Literally still shittin' without a bag. Congrats big man. You like pissin' on the slightly more disabled? Doesn't need a shit bag cause he's still walkin' around and shit, bumpin' into shit. ohfuckhecan'treadthis.
@@jonathantheslow They were sold and changed ownership sometime in 2016. For a few years the new team tried to just be political but at least that aspect of the Onion has seemed to die down. Either way the glory days of the onion and the team that was behind it are loooong gone
There must be someone out there that is attempting something similar on youtube? Not that I've found it yet but given the demand for it why would there be no supply?
Honestly this is a great video about how society views disabled people. They aren’t respecting him because he is disabled, they’re respecting him because he hates the fact he is disabled.
??? Of course people dont like being disabled? Its objectively a bad thing. Their respect for him has nothing to do with his disability and everything to do with his solid advice.
Turns out none of the kids got the heart, it was defective, they ordered it from Malay but the factory making them were making the adult variant so it would not fit, but worry not! Their bodies are now firmly in the factory making hearts for millions of kids!
love how at the beginning he says to use safety shoes and not loafers, then at the end the host yeets his way through the wet floor in loafers and trys to wrestle the mop away while standing in it
actually wheelchairs can slide on slippery surfaces. I have a wheelchair similar to this and I've skid on ice before. If you hit something or fall of a ledge you can get injured, so this guy is actually lining up to injure more of his spine XD
"Do hold your wife in your arms every day while you can" Oh wow, first that was funny but then like.. damn, he's never going to hold his wife again. Also the part at the end about the 7 kids not getting a heart transplant, this is some fucking dark shit right here.
He even lost his wife, and is pretty lucky to have found a purpose in life instead of falling into alcoholism and depression. Pretty dark if you think about it.
agreed dude...i lost my family when i was 6, i wish today i could just once say i love them. If you do have a family, tell them today, or ASAP that you love them and appreciate them taking care of you.
