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If your whole point of arguing is to win, you already lost. The point is to listen and to see if you can learn anything new and always be open to the idea that you can be wrong.
I have read (Studied really) Jocko's book on Extreme Ownership and this guy is a genius and giant, who really has the ability to connect with his audience.
@@mattjohnson8492 Your projecting (Projection, ( Projection identification ) to a NYS board certified Psychiatrist, PhD. Brooklyn Hospital Department of Emergency psychiatric care. Thank you for sharing
This is why I love Jocko Podcast. You dont only "give advice" but you explain it with examples and why you do it. Especially how to deal with confrontational people or "difficult" people in the job environment. Those episodes in particular helped me out a LOT at work. In the past few years I was able to change things in my life and work on myself and interact with other people in a better way. I wouldn't say "oh you changed my life" but you helped me find ways and the confidence to do it myself and I am truly grateful that you put out so much great content.
This is gold. And it ties well with the importance of discipline. When someone throws an excuse upon excuse on you about why sth can't be done, and you know for a fact that the excuses are all false... it takes extra discipline to stay calm and find a common ground.
So you knowingly manipulate people in your care into taking medication and/or operations that they otherwise would not agree to; that's kinda fucked up.
@@ivomirrikerpro3805 we ask their goals of care and then listen to them carefully before developing a plan with them. Another term we use is shared decision making. Basically avoiding paternalistic medicine where we tell people what to do and expect them to agree, andinstead are more transparent about what the facts are and listen to patients more about what they want. Kind of like Jocko said ^ about really listening to the other person genuinely (you should try it!)
I won't step off my path to look for devils. But I certainly won't let any to pass me by. Was looking for fights until my mid 20's, but now, I don't argue, I'm making a point. In this day of age, most of the people are stuck in emotionalism. I value gathering knowledge way more than sharing it. As you said, the best way to win argument is to not engage in one. Good points though, I wasn't even aware I do so many of those little nuances until you laid them out. Seems I'm more meticulous than I've gave myself credit for. Even in argument, I'm rather allowing opponent to throw at me what they have. Internet isn't street, no body language, no eye contact. People will choose to insult you, because it comes with no consequences. That was tough one for me to adapt. But if you let them talk, their insults will tell you everything about them. So I've learned to listen.
It’s wild listening to a man with so much useful knowledge and simultaneously knowing how much damage he could do with that knife in his hand if it were necessary. Thanks for the video gents. 🇺🇸✌🏽
Reframing is a great approach! And it's also important to realize when you are engaging with an individual who is not working with you in "good faith". Sometimes recognizing a toxic relationship and distancing yourself is the best way to insure that you do not get poisoned as well. Do not ignore red flags, they exist for a reason!
This is great advice for a variety of situations. The indirect approach works well with sincere people, who truly believe in the things they profess. Sincere people are generally more interested in finding the truth than winning arguments. However, this approach will not work with insincere people, or bad actors. For example, consider politicians. Most politicians are insincere. Most politicians will do anything to retain or increase their power, regardless of whether their words or actions are consistent with their campaign. Their priority is to gain power, not pursue truth, because they believe the only truth IS power. Trying to build a relationship with insincere people is like trying to win an argument with an intoxicated person - it’s impossible, and a waste of time. No matter how right you are, and how much evidence you present, you will never win them over. The only relationship you can build with insincere people is a toxic relationship. Once you know who they are, don’t engage, just avoid them.
This clip has tremendous wisdom in it. I believe we debate/argue naturally this way when we are coming from a place of love and truly do not want to offend.
What about, as my friend calls them: "bad faith actors" like a higher up abusing you for their own benefit with the attitude "they will because they can"? This escalated to a fight because the higher up attacked them for not accepting their position as everyone's slave basically.. Abuse of power and strict "food chain" kind of hierarchies are a big issue nowadays.. Even on a world stage as we know.. Authoritarian behaviors are reviving..
f you enjoy topics about mastery and masculinity, I invite you to explore the videos on the Mastery Order Channel. Challenge yourself with some ideas about manhood, explore your masculine potential to the maximum and become the kind of man you would respect and look up to. We can only better ourselves together, as men among men, so I invite you to use what I share and, of course, share your own thoughts so that others can also benefit from them. All the best to you!
I used arguments to clarify for myself who I am because I am not rooted within myself. So if I'm against someone it gives me inner peace because I know "ah good! At least now I clearly know what I'm NOT!".
Wise advice for all times. Could this lesson be taught in Public Schools? Wish this principle of human relations had been hammered into my head earlier in life!.
So become Agreeable which is a fine strategy until someone sees thru this and realizes you are just agreeing with everything they say. You have to be careful with that, I think it's better to stand firm on somethings but not on everything 💯
I think Jocko's method is a good one. Sometimes you just need to convince people, because they are wrong and you are right. In these cases you are the expert / the detached observer and they are laymen / too invested. This surely has its place. Most of the time you both are somewhat right and somewhat wrong. So winning an argument is a very special case that should be handled with due care. If you regularly try to "win the argument", you probably try to tackle an ego problem instead of a real one. Sometimes you just need to bridge the gap, before people even try to listen to you. I think talking about "winning the argument" is a very unfortunate framing for this technique, because it is actually better than that. It is a helper to open up ears that are usually shut. It is a helper for dialogue and therefore an enabler for progress. “The aim of argument, or of discussion, should not be victory but progress.” ― Karl Popper
Jocko, I tried this with someone whom I'm always getting in arguments and disagreements with. I did as you said to do by looking for common grounds, I even agreed with everything, that I would normally not give in on too. I even looked at how the argument was being framed against me, and then reconfigured the attack, into a positive by using the argument into being able to show a deficiency that can be improved on. But even after all of that......my wife still told me to shut up, quit my complaining and arguing with her, and just get up, be a man, and to go take the dogs out to go potty, even though it was 0327 hours, and cold outside. I guess what I'm trying to really say is.....would you try and argue with her next time? I need to get some shut eye before going to work each day. 😉😄😆😅😂🤣
I believe the arguing between both of you could already be a "habit". You know what I mean? She EXPECTS you to feel in opposition to her. We are very habitual animals. So try it consistently over a period of 3 months because that's the time it takes the brain to form a habit. Neuroplacticity is the key word here. Also, I want to add, set clear boundaries for YOURSELF what you are willing and are not willing to do. It is not against her. It is for YOU! Good luck! Easier said than done..
I understand where this is coming from. Jocko like me is a military vet. When I was in the marines, I was in charge of muscle bound dudes used to bullying their way through life. I forced these yuge ass guys into compliance with orders not by beating each one of them or pulling rank (but I did have to put hands on a few 😅 ) but by using his technique here. Made them believe and understand the mission.
f you enjoy topics about mastery and masculinity, I invite you to explore the videos on the Mastery Order Channel. Challenge yourself with some ideas about manhood, explore your masculine potential to the maximum and become the kind of man you would respect and look up to. We can only better ourselves together, as men among men, so I invite you to use what I share and, of course, share your own thoughts so that others can also benefit from them. All the best to you!
This would've saved me years with my stepson 😂. Too bad I figured it out before you posted this. Thank you for the advice though. Those are solid steps to take to find a resolution without creating unnecessary brutality.
I’m curious Jocko. Is there any occasion where you wouldn’t want to find common ground? A topic that you feel so strongly about, you think it’s best to be hard headed as opposed to open minded?
I saw people arguing to the point of suing each other. Noone told them, that they were both correct. They just didn't see things from each others points of view... "Argument" escalated & where 2 fight, 3rd one wins. (some call it) "criminal" justice system won (won their money) Those insecure targets are often the strongest people on the planet. And kindest, "people diamonds". Just traumatized.
The best way to win am argument is to ask questions.. instead of fircingyour beliefs onto them..force them to clarify their OWN beliefs...watch the studdering begin
I strongly advise taking this tac. I am deployed 10 weeks at a time then home for 5 weeks. That's 8 months a year , living and working with people that you don't exactly want to be with but you have to. I always find myself sitting there and thinking "just shut the fuck up". The occasional time I'm asked my opinion I just bluntly say "I'm not interested. To be honest, the conversation is fucking boring". Won.
Finest example of winning an argument is the Mark Anthony speech from Julius Ceasar. Uses exactly the technique Jocko mentions, and if you watch Marlon Brando do it, it's not soft.