How women make it difficult to love them: make it easy to get what you want 

Among other things, successful businesses make it easy for their customers to hand over their money. Introducing unnecessary steps into the sales funnel only decreases revenue and customer satisfaction. The same holds true with successful women: they make it easy for their men to love them. Introducing unnecessary steps into the love funnel only decreases affection and relationship satisfaction. I discuss more in this episode. Pre-order my book: amzn.to/3UlsTsY Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Subscribe to my newsletter: oriontarabanpsyd.com Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-WrXBzQ2HDEQ.html Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: ru-vid.com/show-UCSduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #dating #relationship

The problem is women want to get with men better than themselves and expect those same men to treat them like they’re the prize. You can’t just negotiate things on your own terms when you’re the one with less bargaining power. The men who would be more than willing to compromise for them are the ones they don’t want.

When a woman plays hard to get, I just assume that she really just doesn't like me that much.

Modern women have created a paradox for themselves: it is far easier, far cheaper, and far more pleasant to not even try to love them, than it is to try to love them.

When the women realize they're gonna have to change to get more love 'nah, we're good'.

Full-time single dad of two boys. Wife left the boys and me a little over 9 years ago. I have not been out, been on a date or pursued a relationship in that 9 years. Have been focused on creating a healthy, happy environment for the kids and me. Pursuing goals, learning new skills and focused on busy. Once you find "happy" single,ba relationship becomes optional. The peace I have found is sacred and I cannot compromise that peace just to keep from being alone. Would rather live the rest of my life single than be in an unhealthy relationship ever again

"If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve my best" Ever read that one on a dating profile fellas? 😏

There's no such thing as a perfect marriage or relationship; they're all unique. What makes one person happy might not make another person happy. But I've learned that there's always a way to solve problems. Five years back, my wife and I were almost divorcing because we had problems in our marriage, but we managed to work things out. It was a hard time, but we got past it.

As in business, so in relationships. Friction makes people walk away.

Lack of accountability is another big issue with women these days.

"Can you imagine mistaking your complex *business funnel* for your customers lack of interest?" the innuendos and puns are off the charts. Good one Orion!

This is right on the money. When my ex-wife and I would have an argument and I would try and apologise for something she would often refuse to accept my apology because 'I hadn't said it the right way' I tried to rephrase it and she said the same thing. When I told her I was trying my best to apologise and asked her what way she wanted me to say it, she refused to tell me and said something like, 'You should know' Or... 'It's your job to work it out' After a while I became angry and resentful - apologising is a very difficult thing to do and she wouldn't even let me do that without trying to get me to jump through hoops. She was a very difficult and demanding person and after a while, I stopped bothering to apologise as I knew I could never 'do it the right way' Now we are divorced and I am far happier without the mind games, drama and stress that she brought to my life. Ladies - this video will help keep your relationships stronger if you listen to it and act accordingly.

As a man, I've just walked away from a relationship (in its early stages) where I found myself faced with hoop, after hoop to jump through. Life is too short...

If women have this attitude it means only one thing: She does not feel this man is worth her love. She may be stuck with him due to lack of better opportunities. Whatever it can be, the end result is they are not at the same level and in order for her to love him, he has to be higher or at the same level in hierarchy.

"Don't mistake your complex business funnel for the customers' lack of interest in your products." Absolutely right. Well said!

As someone who works in the payment industry, this is spot on. Using the same analogy, you want to make receiving love as cheap as possible. What does that mean? For example, if it takes dining at an expensive restaurant to make you happy as compared to a cheaper alternative such as your husband helping you cooking at home, then you raise the cost of giving love and make it harder for your partner to show love to you. You will also not appreciate the small acts. Hence it becomes too expensive to be in a relationship with you. In the payment industry, more expensive payment instrument usually has other means to incentivise customers (e.g., credit card companies offer points, rewards and cashback but comes with risk of interest). If your cost of receiving love is high, make sure you have other ways to compensate your partner that makes it worthwhile for him/ her to be with you. And that's why easygoing people are usually the best people to have relationships with, as their cost of receiving love is low.

A lot of women seem to pride themselves on being impossible to please. They seem to have a belief that requiring a guy to jump through more hoops and deal with more obstacles somehow raises their value. When in fact it has the exact opposite effect.

But the women's counter argument is they dont want many customers, but just want one customer who is ready to do all the account making, add cart, subscription and everything including credit cards... Especially credit cards😂😂😂 PS - once you subscribe, there's no going back. No membership revoking. Pay even after the product is expired. Even if the product is being used by someone else😒😒

When I tell my husband to do something I can’t do, he does it, and when he tells me to do something, I do it. It probably looks like we’re ordering each other around, but we’re just trying to get the crap of life done, and back to our real life, doing things we want to do individually and together.

It's been my experience that in the beginning it all love and fun. But then comes the quite, the cold shoulder, no explanation no context. Women think "if he loves me, he should know what he did." Ladies we do not know, let's be honest it usually something not even that important. Guys are thinking "huh she is kinda quite today." Meanwhile in her mind she has an entire movie playing in her head, she gos to work and is building the entire situation into a 3 part trilogy with. Men don't even think about it until MAYBE his lunch break, we haven't even watched the trailer of this film saga she has in her mind. So when the fight comes, we are literally fighting about different things.

A woman that makes things difficult, simply doesn't like you enough. That doesn't mean you are not good enough or maybe even better than her. Sometimes, like businesses, women have wrong perception of what is good and what is not. And they also have the princess syndrome they think they will find the absolutely perfect guy. At the end, they will get to choose their favorite cat food.

Some people (both genders) are simply more demanding and hard to please. Even if they change behaviour and needs in the first couple of phases of dating… it’ll eventually come forward and cause issues later in the relationship. It’s better to know yourself and try to find a partner who is able to cope with your demanding needs. And if that’s impossible, either go to therapy and work on changing behaviour completely or accept that you’ll just be single. I’ve dated a male who had crazy standards… just like the ones you describe women have. After three dates I told him that he was way too demanding and moved on to meet a lovely mediocre normal man, who became the man of my dreams. MEN & WOMEN, PEOPLE being too difficult will unfortunately have a hard time to find a real partner. Work on yourself and choose wisely, man or woman. Stop saying only men or women have certain behaviours. It goes both ways. I tell all my 5 children to be mindful of their own behaviour and to choose partners that suit their personality and culture.

7:55 "We all kinda already knew that love languages were bullsh**" I legit burst laughing.😆

Doc is out here giving advice that can save the world!

Boiled down, they really don’t want relationships anymore. No matter what they say, their actions say otherwise.

Interesting video content, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her

A woman once told me her love language was gift giving. So I asked her when was the last time she bought a gift for a date or a boyfriend ... I think you can guess the answer She didn't speak her own love language ... only listened.

This is the video that some women need to watch THE MOST! You’ll love them unconditionally then they just randomly start sabotaging and trying to get control over you, so when you decide its time to break it off they say you’re the problem…

I reached my breaking point one time in a relationship and finally told her "I know you love me, but I dont think you like me very much". That hit her like a sack of bricks and led her to finally going to therapy. Relationship ended because she didnt want kids, but after I noticed a massive increase in her affection after I told her that

Women and men are basically the same…we are all humans….some are good, some are not-so-good, and most are both! So, Orion, don’t always make it seems like the women are at fault,,..Men are just as guilty as women,. Your videos are biased against women. Based on your previous relationships?

While this will sadly fall on mostly deaf female ears, I hope a few ladies will actually listen. My wife went on an out of the blue rant yesterday about how much I used to refer to an old country road that reminded me of where I grew up. Apparently this drove her nuts and made her think I was too attached to my childhood home and didn't want to build a new life with her. I will point out that this occurred about 5 years ago and I had forgotten all about it. I thought about pointing out the fact that we visit her family 2-3 times a year and my family only once despite her family being much farther away, but I knew better than to use logic while she was in one of her moods. I'm looking forward to filing for divorce soon and never looking back.

This guy cannot avoid swearing, so I stopped watching halfway. His message would be better received on a Russian Channel like Telegram. He obviously has a deep psychological and unprofessional disrespect towards women,

I don't see any woman watching this and making any sort of change. They don't have to. The simps will save them

For the record: many businesses ARE doing exactly what the initial analogy stated. They ARE blaming the customers, and what happens as a result? They become even more unpopular to the point of becoming a pariah. No one's going to stop women from doubling down on their demands, but men will absolutely go from 'apathetic' to 'antagonistic' after a while due to the absurdity of it all.

"If it is difficult for you to love her, it will be easy for another". Life is easy, people make it complicated.

The problem with this analogy is that in business, all of the customers’ money is of equal value and the product can be sold to all who are willing to pay the price demanded. With 80% of men being perceived as “unattractive”, it’s as if the price being demanded for one available item is 100 Dollars, but 80% of the customers are offering 100 Yen. The business is going to hold out for that one out of the remaining 20% of customers willing to pay at least the 100 dollars, so barriers that filter out those offering Yen are actually doing their job. Now, we can argue amongst ourselves until time ends as to whether our currency should be accepted at face value or whether the product really is worth the 100 dollars demanded, but it really isn’t our choice. You can’t negotiate genuine desire. You can’t make a rational appeal to an emotional decision. You either give her the tingles or you don’t, and if you don’t, then you don’t want her anyway. Brutal, but it is what it is.

I've noticed myself being difficult lately, so this reminder is very appreciated

Most women will take this advice, like fish ride bikes.

This video assumes woman use logic, which we all know is illogical.

Men do plenty of things to make it difficult to love them too, most definitely. It's different because they're men, not women, but the effect can be the same. We all need to watch how we might be making it difficult to be loving and loved.

“Mommy is an acts of service type of girl” 😂

Happiness comes from inside. Anyone who thinks someone or something can bring happiness is in for a sad and regret-filled life.

I'm literally teaching this to my 6 year old son. Good thing someone is teaching women now.

Get more love is simple: find good people and be a decent, caring person and respect them and if they do the same, keep and cherish those specific people. Realize people are flawed, and have some grace, as they will give you the same as well. It’s probably going to be very rare outside of family, but it’s very possible.

Either you can love them or understand them. You can't do both. If you choose to love them, then you're gonna get emotionally hurt. Once you understand them, you'll realize they are only loyal to their emotions, not you. And her emotions can change in a moment. There's nothing you can do - the only option is to not care about them and enjoy your turn while it lasts.

How can you love them after discovering they only see you as a disposable resource to serve them?

my man. orion taraban your advice is the best i've ever heard, no one comes close. absolutely the best and another reason why uncomplicated people are more loveable and arrogant women destroy themselves

Clearly explained. I think part of the reason women do that complexifying is for power and control. They say they want love, but the urge for power and control is almost as strong.

After allowing this video to collect a day's worth of comments, I predict an acceleration in the pace of population collapse.

Women are like this in their friendships with women too.

I like how you over complicate the concept of gratitude without even saying the word 😂

Here’s the thing: Express your needs. Women, men, and everything in between, express your needs to your partner. Put the ball in their court and see what they do with it. If they decide to meet those needs or not is up to them, you can’t control them. Most partners would be happy to meet your need or at least have a conversation about how to get your needs met and vice versa. Just remember - you can’t control your partner and the choices they make, but you can control how their choices (or lack thereof) make you feel, if they meet your needs or not. But the key here is expressing these needs in way that is clear and healthy to your partner and anyone in your life for that matter.

Note to self: Self if she's difficult, walk away fast! It will only get worse..And she'll make your life miserable! They tell you who they're just listen!

Are there more than 5% women, that watched the whole video? Not much more, I'd guess. I'm curious of the statistics, it feels you're preaching to the choir.

If you can’t compete with my peace….🤷‍♀️ I’m not sure who all these women are. I can go find a few videos right now where the woman are opting out.

Great info @8:50 "It's a better idea to simplify the process by which you receive love, and to increase the forms in which you accept love. Don't make it difficult for people to give you what you 'want' and you will get more of it." Great insights and comments... Now I just need to learn how to personally accept and receive love, and I'll be set. 🤔👍

Occam's Razor Award for today! (The simplest explanation is usually the right one.) Well done Dr. T.

The video makes a great case for why acting selfish and entitled is unproductive. Using love languages to justify being difficult is back-asswards. The general issue with love languages is that people tend to display affection the same way they prefer to receive it. However, comprehending your partners love languages actually makes it easier to earn more points by being goal oriented and spending less effort. Hopefully it goes both ways though. It's tough to feel appreciated if you are the only one who is willing to adapt.

Is nagging, griping, scowling, bitchin and complaining one of the love languages?

Wow - I remember older generations of married Christian couples in our church, back when I was a kid , they displayed an attitude of appreciation for their spouse - which shows humility & thankfulness on behalf of both husband and wife. These people had a system down pat for avoiding such conflict & resolving disagreements within the marriages that an observer on the outside would consider them very peaceful & loving unions - especially by today's standards.

Even though wht u say abt women being very prescriptive about how they want to be shown that they r loved by their partners, the kernel of truth is that these prescriptions arise bcoz a woman shows her love for her partner in SO MANY INTUITIVE ways that her expectation of same from spouse is simply reciprocal. The mistake we women make is to think that MEN think like US but they don't. Providing food, clothing and shelter can be quite difficult, for a man to then top these things up with other things.

Don't waste your breath. They won't listen.

Love the analogy - spot on!

Orion, I am trying to book a paid consultation. I was asked to create a new account, enter passwords with irrational numbers, store two credit card numbers, upload a pdf of my social security… (this is a joke) ❤

He is addressing the ladies. But it’s like talking to a really dumb and unreasonable wall. Does he really expect that woman would accept this reasonable and rational point of view? 😂

Hello Dr. Orion, the reason women don't make it easy or lets just say asks for things directly because they are super scared of getting a NO. Once you have spoken it then they become vulnerable by giving the other person the choice. Thats why women prefer the path of plausible deniability because nothing scares a woman more than rejection, even if the rejection is for a very minor request.

I've never particularly enjoyed the company of modern women given the fact they have all devolved into time, energy and resource vampires. The ONLY question I have for a woman is, "How are your pursuits going to be a help to me?"

As usual: spot on..."Bad business blames its customers"...thinking of woke Hollywood...LOL

The more you want from your partner the more miserable you’ll be.

A good mother makes it easy for her child to love her. So, MEN are actually just like toddlers, and women are responsible for their happiness?! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Brilliant and important episode, Dr. T! The women who get it, get it; the ones who don't probably aren't worth men's effort!

I think our esteemed speaker should take a closer look at the true complexity of humanity and this reality that we seek to dance within. The analysis of the “idea” or “theory” of love languages was quite minimizing and short sighted and perhaps tinged with envy. Psychology is not a true science yet…which is a religion in its own sense (Covid lockdowns and masking). His point was that relationships at the current level of evolving human consciousness is not complicated. It absolutely is. Love languages opens a wonderful system of categorizing a variety of natured and nurtured psychologies as a way of “ getting another step closer” to understanding one’s own self…and then next another who is close to you. So much more could be said here. But that analysis was totally unfair.

Can you make a similar one for the guys, please?

I think that this video touched just a fraction of a problem. If I agree with the premise, there is still unresolved problem of how to feel loved when we dont receive thise actions or gestures that make us feel loved. I can apply this approach yo make my man life better, but what is that I'll get in return...? You say that if I make it easier to him, what i receive is more love. Isn't is just being satisfied by having less due to givong more of what men want...?

I found this channel by chance looking for something else, and this video caught my attention. I haven't seen his other videos, but this one seems to have the objective of dividing men and women, making it: "men vs women”. I also found it “lazy” because it is easier to blame the other side, instead of being more realistic, and admitting that both men and women can be difficult, not because they are men or women, but because it is the nature of any relationship to be DIFFERENT and have challenges. There are great men and women living beautiful relationships not because women adapted to men or vice versa, but because they understand the hard work of relationships, and not by playing the blaming game.

how does one go about simplifying the way they receive love? I understand the idea of valuing intentions over preferences, but how do you deprogram the already complex system?

I wrote on a messageboard of 55,000 member from 2003 to 2016. What I learned--- was it was me. I had to face the reality of my judgements about others. Without a face to face interaction it is very easy to project one's own false reality onto others.

Women are on their best behavior early on in any relationship. If you just don't commit, it will never get to the nagging stage. Just think to yourself that you are doing women a favor by looking out for their long term interests. You can even tell them that when they protest (FYI, they love that...).

I like women, but I don't love them. It is very hard for me to love anyone that selfish and entitled.

A woman with low barriers to entry ends up with a high body count and no man wants a woman with a rich dating history

I don't negotiate with terrorists.

Someone send this video to Steve Harvey, who keeps preaching to women, that men love the "hunt". LOL.

you have a great ability to see the big picture and then explain in a tactful way to people and women

The hubris mindset of modern women make them a loss cause.

"A good mother makes it easy for her children to love her and sees the value of that love in their intentions, not in her preferences."

golden rule, treat others how you want to be treated. Don't expect a gajillion things if you yourself aren't willing to do the same / equivalent for someone else. the harder you make it for someone to love you, the more people who will eventually likely just give up, especially if you aren't reciprocating and giving back, nor being thankful for the efforts And as you grow, note people are different, what you like might not be the same as what other people like (different love languages, for example)

Love languages are a lot like learning styles. There is some grain of truth to them, but they have been amplified into unchangeable dispositions that demand accommodation from others, rather than effort and adaptation from the person.

Hi doctor, you are dating toxic women, not all of us are like that, gladly!!!!

An excellent analogy.

Also, ladies, stop and think that maybe he does really love you and is doing the best he can to make you feel loved. And then after all that effort you get upset over 1 small thing and blame his perceived lack of care. Imagine how discouraging that is.

It's inherently understood that men must bring protection and provision as a value to a relationship. But women often say what a man needs to do (usually excessive) and what they as women won't do. It never occurs to them to lead with what value they bring to a man's life. And they often think they bring value that no other women can bring, not realizing that they need to excessive, exceptional value in order to stand out from other women. Men are waking up and understanding that they can enjoy more of their own resources without the hassle of a problematic woman.

Can a woman really watch this and be logically convinced if she didn’t already believe it?

Women are not men's mums, it looks like men expect us to be like their mums, we cannot be mums and lovers at the same time. If we treat men like children then we cannot respect them, it's a different kind of relationship, it does not compare. Men have to be providers, protectors, leaders, problem solvers, emotional available and stable for us to respect them. If we are to have an overgrown kid in addition to his kids, a man is too much of a burden. Women's lifes are too burdened and restricted by relationships and marriages anyway, we're better off single and free.

49's being a four in looks, life situation, flexibility, etc., expecting a nine to stay with you, lol.

Courting is bait/marketing. Marriage is switch/customer service help line

If you are a man just get a passport.

6:35 "Love-language theory" is self-serving bullshit. Likewise, "attachment-style theory" is ALSO just self-serving bullshit.

The buying process analogy is perfect I'm laughing so hard 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥coz it makes sense

I have seen many researchers use how women treat their children or dogs as a great way to show what true love, patience, understanding, and humility looks like. Women are totally capable of loving unconditionally. They simply choose not to when it comes to men.

This reminds me of one of your other videos. You talked about how you should not punish people for making an effort. It is a surefire way to make sure you will never get people to change their behavior.